im so bad

i just had this stupid scene in my head it was so messed up i dont want to be like this anymoee but i dont know how to stop it and nobody knows how to help me and it sucks i should be able to handle this on my own i should be independent enough to deal with my own problems and control myself but instead im just crying in my own bed and not doing anything to make myself better

“DRAW JOHN CONSTANTINE WEARING… 6) Formal gala garb” for @wobblywibbly ! “

Bit experimenting and trying to survive without my usual brushes right here :’)
And well love drawing fancy things. Outfit kinda inspired and referenced from ones in The Halcyon :’)

Idol Rutee!!

When your faves don’t get enough love in the mobile games so you gotta draw stuff for them yourself

2

It has been exactly one (1) month since myungjun posted these and I am still: in pain

anonymous asked:

Could you write something about how Jonas feels about all that's happened in s3. Maybe a convo between him and Isak about how things have changed?

Oooh omg yes yes yes Okay lets try this. (sorry if this is not exactly what you have in mind 😬)

So basically I can see this happening at one of the many parties the boy squad attends, Of course Even is now an honorary member of the boy squad so he is also there, currently playing beer pong with Magnus and a bunch of other poor unfortunate souls because Even is dominating beer pong. Like it is no surprise that this is another thing Even is just super darn good at. And he is basically still sober while everyone around him is off their faces. Isak is sitting on a couch in the corner drinking beer while feeling a mix of pity for these unknowing drunk babies, and pride for his super clever and hot boyfriend who grins at him every time he makes another sucker drink and practically drop to the floor. So much love, even in a room full of wasted teenagers. 

Anyway Isak is sitting there watching his baby get his friends drunk when Jonas suddenly flops on the couch next to him. Jonas looks at his best friend and for a second he is just completely overwhelmed by how much he has changed. ??? like not in a bad way, but it is a lot. like here he is just so confident and happy and Jonas can’t believe that he didn’t realise that for a long time he wasn’t those things??? like he feels bad that he wasn’t there for him during everything as much as he wishes he was. I mean he knew he was going through a lot with his parents, but he didn’t know to the extent Isak must have been suffering until looking at him now. Seeing how happy and confident and brave Isak is right now just truly makes Jonas realise how hard everything must have been for his best friend and it just makes Jonas need to know, to understand everything Isak has gone through this semester.  

Casually Jonas looks at Even giggling at Magnus who is looking as green as a mutant ninja turtle, and then he turns back to Isak, “So Even is really cool” He points out. 

Isak grins with pride “yeah he is” 

Jonas laughs “can you imagine that if it wasn’t for our drugs you wouldn’t have met him?” 

Isak giggled and took a swig of his beer, “Sana will never let me live that down” 

Jonas chuckled with him before looking at him sideways “so….” he said seriously, “How are things now? are you guys okay?” 

Isak nodded and smiled “Yeah, i mean it’s never perfect, most of the time neither of us know what we’re doing” He chuckled to himself like he remembered a private joke before continuing “But that’s what makes it so fucking great. Every moment we spend together makes me more the real me you know? I’m thankful for every moment I have with him.” 

Jonas raised his eyebrows and exhaled deeply “Wow” 

Isak nodded like he knew exactly what Jonas meant. “yep’ 

“I like seeing you like this…happy.” Jonas admitted looking at Isak

Isak smiled shyly “yeah me too” 

Jonas smiled back “so what changed? Was it Even?” 

Isak’s gaze instantly went back to the tall beautiful boy trying to keep Magnus on his feet unsuccessfully before answering, “Yeah I mean, I always knew I wasn’t being me and I mean I guess I was too scared to stop being fake. I knew deep down that you guys wouldn’t care if I wasn’t who I pretended to be, But I was so ashamed and sure that I had to be a certain way that I…I just couldn’t let go you know?” 

Isak stopped and looked up at Even again as Jonas processed everything his best friend was telling him. It saddened him that this whole time Isak felt too scared to be himself but at the same time, he was proud that Isak has finally found acceptance and is able to talk to him about it all honestly. 

Isak took a deep breath before continuing, “But Even, he gave me a reason to be real. He made me want to be. Being fake didn’t matter when I missed out on the way being with him made me feel. He was the push that I needed to find who I really am again.” He looked up at Jonas after he finished, waiting for his best friends response. 

Jonas looked at Isak and reflected on how much he has grown, and suddenly all he could feel was pure pride. Like he has never felt so happy and proud to be this angels best friend. Despite everything he has struggled with in the past and all of the uncertainty that the future may bring, Isak is strong, happy and brave and Jonas felt privileged to be able to be by his side as he watched him continue to grow into the coolest dude on the planet. 

He nudged Isak playfully before laughing “Well damn, you better be careful, you’re beginning to sound cornier than me!” 

Isak shoved him back, and right then the respect and pride these two had for each other could easily take over the entire world. 

Eventually though, Magnus and Even would come over and warn them both a little too late before Magnus vomits all over their laps and the couch. 

holy shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ive been feeling like utter garbage of late and now I know why!!! it’s 100% True Blue Physical Dysphoria folks; it’s always been there but I was numb to it before but hoo boy am I feeling it!! !  !   !

I’m not ready 2 have to deal with this o hh h jeez