Tips for Nuerotypicals when a borderline they may know experiences a breakdown (edited)
• WE ARE HAVING A BREAKDOWN!!!!- Im so sick of seeing posts were people get angry with mentally ill people for this. It’s so important to understand that people cope differently some of us may need someone to talk to, a hug or if you’re like me you just need some space to recollect. This doesn’t mean we hate you it is just how some people cope.
• Making us feel guilty will not stop negative coping mechanisms but will only further push us to them as a way to seek comfort and ‘safety’.
• You cannot save us. We have an illness just like any other, please don’t become frustrated if your efforts to pull us out of this funk don’t work! (However your efforts are really appreciated) if doctors got frustrated at patients for not feeling better immediately this world would be messy af.
• Sometimes the only explanation for why I’m feeling like this is that I have emotionally unstable disorder. Not everything needs to be assessed Freud style.
• SPLITTING IS NOT A CHOICE!! YOU DONT PICK WHO YOU SPLIT ON!! please don’t be offended if we split most of the time we won’t let you know because must of us beat ourselves up for feeling this way. P.s. We may not actually be splitting because you’ve done something wrong in some cases it could be a projection of how the individual is feeling about themselves.
• If we have split and we tell you about it, please, please refrain from making us feel guilty I really can’t stress this enough!!
• Having borderline personality disorder means that our ability to maintain positive and healthy relationships is very difficult.
• Please respect the coping mechanism of a borderline. Especially borderlines that just need space, however difficult this may be understand that this is someone’s mental health rather than a way to spite you or hurt you.
• Be patient!! I assure you that once we are able
to feel back in control of these feelings we will be able to interact better.
• Do not expect an apology. You wouldn’t expect a person with a broken leg to apologise for cancelling plans due to the leg you’d almost even expect it; so please don’t expect borderlines to have to apologise for the way that they feel. ONCE AGAIN IT IS AN ILLNESS AND WILL BE TREATED AS ONE.
• Some borderlines have no empathy. For example my levels of empathy depend on how I feel at the time. Right now for example
I have no empathy. This doesn’t mean we don’t care about you or about what you’re telling us. Most of the time borderlines switch their empathy off when they have to much on their own plate.
• Most importantly, we still love and value you. And even though we may have difficulty expressing this when our mood is like this please don’t forget. We are working on it and we are trying but please be patient with us, bpd is such an exhausting disorder.
If you have bpd, feel free to add your own these are just some of things I feel like I needed to point out. I am going through a really shitty time and I thought this may help others explain to people around them what they need.
NOTE: I AM NOT IN ANYWAY SUGGESTING THAT EVERYONE WITH BPD FEELS THIS WAY. THESE ARE BASED OF MY EXPERIENCE AND ARE NOT MEANT TO INVALIDATE ANYONE ELSES