im never going to that person again

And when he asked her how she was, she was brutally honest. “You know, it took me a very long time to find me again after you. I kept going back to the person I became when I was with you. I kept trying to be the girl who cared what a boy thought and I kept feeling like I was still under a microscope.” When she noticed his shoulders stiffening, she smirked. “I waited ten months, still being a girl that I wasn’t. I only posted things I thought you’d like. I only said things I wanted you to hear. And then one day, I woke up. Literally, but also figuratively.”

He opened his mouth to say something but he didn’t make a sound.

“I woke up, and I realized, ‘This is not me. This was never me,’” she said. “And now, I only post things that I like. Now, I only say things that I want to say.”

It was her way of telling him that she had been good. Amazing, even. Because she realized that she was someone who laughed too hard and loved too much. She was reckless. And do you know how great it feels for a reckless girl to finally be released after spending months in a brace?

It feels like a hurricane finally hitting dry land. It feels like freedom.

—  excerpt from an unfinished book #118 // “How have you been?” is a loaded question

It’s really hard for me to let go of someone who means a lot to me.
The thought of not seeing or talking to a person ever again (someone I used to talk to everyday, someone I was intimate with) it hurts. I don’t really open up to a lot of people, and I never showed interest to any boy here and never had a boyfriend..but I thought he could be the one, wanted him to be. I probably wanted it too much so I didn’t see the signs..😓 And im realizing that everything didn’t meant as much to him as it meant to me.
But now we don’t talk, I’m blocked and heartbroken. He said he didn’t want it anymore he wanted someone else and told me to forget him. Hearing that really hurt…i know that he’s gonna get a girlfriend soon and that’s gonna break me 😖
I can’t stop thinking about him, wonder what he’s doing, with who… and sucks cause I know he’s not thinking about me. I’m trying really hard not to text him or finding a way to reach out cause he blocked me wich is probably for the best cause I’m tired of humiliating myself, begging for someone who doesn’t want me.
He’s friends with my brothers so I’ll be seeing/hearing about him but from other people, like we’re strangers. And that’s something really weird, acting like nothing ever happend, acting like we don’t know eachother. I know that that’s something I’m gonna have to learn how to deal with cause more people will come into my life and not all are gonna stay, some relationships will fail and that’s ok, that’s life but I don’t like the feeling it leaves. I feel empty.
But I’m learning from this and I know this will pass and that I just need to give it time. But right now, this hurts a little. A lot actually.

Anyways.. I’m posting this here cause I’m terrible when it comes to sharing feelings irl, it’s awkward. I’m not good at it, get it from my mom.
And if there’s any spelling errors, English isn’t my first language so chill.

I’m now finally able to upload the piece I did for that secret Oxenfree project I helped work on, please go check it out everyone put a lot of work into it and it looks so great!

I would like to personally thank @nightschoolstudio again for making such a beautiful game with characters that I feel will never truly leave me. What you created is truly a work of art and a fantastically entertaining game!

Happy Anniversary Oxenfree !

not to be dramatic but here is a list of happy annamis things post s3

- they get married in secret 2 months after baby™ becomes king, constance is their witness and its v pure

- they hold hands under the table in council meetings when things get Stressful

- cutest political power couple in France tbh

- anne is like wow!!! im not used to sleeping with another person in this bed so u cant complain that I keep stealing all the covers!!!

- also sometimes aramis talks in his sleep and anne is like staring at the ceiling of her (their) room like “i am never going to be lonely again in my whole life” and quietly giggles to herself in the quiet hours of the morning

- highkey anne introduces aramis to the baby™ like “this is aramis and hes the first minister and his job is to tell u cool bedtime stories okay darling” and it all just works out

- sometimes they sit in big rooms and catch each others eyes & smile like they have an inside joke (they have twelve)

- they have lunch on sundays with like the whole garrison @ the palace and the babies all play together under the table and anne is like SO CONSTANCE THE WAR IS OVER WHAT ABOUT THAT BABY and d'artagnan chokes on his food (porthos and aramis can’t stop laughing and they are all so happy and also athos just sent them a letter earlier that day like “I can’t believe I’m a dad!!!” and things are Good)

Im basically fist fighting vegans right now. This shit seriously infuriates me! How can you call yourself compassionate but then completely shame someone who says they ate tuna bc they were severely depressed and how they felt HORRIBLE about it and was looking for advice so that wouldn’t happen again. No fucking wonder people think of us the way they do! Im so angry right now!

I know i said it before but i feel the need to say it again my blog is a JUDGMENT FREE ZONE.

For meat/dairy eaters, I will NEVER push my lifestyle choices on you and I will always show you true compassion, love, and respect. I completely understand that the vegan lifestyle is not for every person due to health reasons, living arrangements, financial reasons, etc.

For my fellow vegans, we are not perfect. You do not have to be perfect. Some of us will go off the diet, we’re fuckin human and its okay! Dont let any asshole elitist vegan bully you into thinking you’re a shitty person that doesn’t really care about animals. Those people just like to jack themselves off thinking how much better they are then everyone else. Fuck them. You’re wonderful, you’re doing great, just keep going taking it one day at a time!

For anyone who is interested in the vegan lifestyle or maybe is struggling with it, i am always here to answer questions, to listen, or just chat with. Like i said i will never judge you or push anything on you.

Sorry for my rant, I just needed it to calm down because I was ready to ask Persephone to throw down in a min. And believe me she was standing there just WAITING for me to tag her in! Lol! Love you guys! Hope you’re having a less infuriating day!

i would do anything to just see her again let alone be with her….

~ i never thought that i would reach almost 40k on here when all i posted on here for was just to let out what it is i cant let out in person and im glad you all message me and actually ask me whats going on in my life and giving me the chance to say what i really want to say so thank you all <3

also ill be showing you all what i look like very soon sooo be ready :’p

I love a lot of people who
can’t love me back; rejection
feels less personal when I
can blame something else for
it. Some people only need to
be hurt once to never get over
it - the truth is I never want
to be not loved again the way
you didn’t love me.
—  Rebeka Anne, from now on I’m in charge of who hurts me

im pretty sure my roommate B and I are in a lowkey nice-fight over bagels. i know that he likes plain bagels so thats what i buy when i go to the store. but he knows that i like everything bagels so thats what he buys when he goes to the store and let me just say i am eating an everything bagel right now and it tastes like defeat.

we are never going to run out of bagels when its his turn to shop again.

JCT #628

Me: I’m thinking of changing my name again. What should I change it to?

Person: Why not just go back to (deadname)? It’s a really nice name!

Me: I’m never going back to that.

Person: Then why not (opposite-gender-deadname)?

Me: Nah…

Person: *keeps suggesting things similar to deadname*

I really just want to pack everything I have and buy a plane ticket to another city.

I want to get a new job and have a really cool roommate that I can actually be friends with and go out to eat with.

I want friends that I never have to worry about if they actually like me, I want friends that JUST want to be my friend and aren’t sexually attracted to me or want a relationship because im so tired of that.

I want to start making art again because somewhere down the line I lost interest and motivation and I really want that back.

Im tired of feeling like im not good enough. Im tired of crying and being lonely.

I want to just move to another city and start all over.

2

*clears throat*

hello,,, hi. i’m no good at being formal or talking about things seriously (or taking them seriously tbh) but i think for now i need to put the winters legacy on an official hiatus :-/ i’m sorry i know some of you are probably disappointed and i love them but going into their save just turned into such a chore that i never even wanted to do it anymore. i don’t want to end up hating them completely, so for now i need to take a break from them (and feeling bad for not posting them) and have some fun with other things. my posts were turning into all complaints and apologies (kind of like this one oh geez sorry it’s the last i /swear/) and i didn’t like the negative turn it was taking. 

so, i thought maybe i’d jump back into the 100 baby challenge but that save was already so broken and my game was getting too laggy with all the cc and poses that i had to put into it and i just got so frustrated trying to make it work when it clearly wasn’t, so i’ve moved pretty much all of my cc out of my game except genetic things and the hair/clothes you see on the sim above ^ and i’m gonna start fresh,,,,

that being said! say hi to gee lavender!!! they’re a super cool sim :D i’ll probably do more of an introduction to them on their first post but for now you can see what they look like!!! i’m rly excited to play with them and get back into just enjoying the game for what it is and not trying to mold it into what i want it to be so i hope u guys will bear with me and love them too :D

Im having one of those off days again. They come and go and I never know when it will happen. I just get so sad and tired and have no motivation to do anything that I usually do. I don’t know what causes it or why it happens but i just feel so low and sad today. 

5

i climbed a lot of cool rocks this week at garden of the gods. it was really something special despite how i was fighting being crabby from the cold most of the trip. i wore the same clothes and never took off my coat the entire time, when i got home i smelled like a dead animal. I would like to go next time when it’s not 39 degrees, maybe over the summer al and tony can come with. im so content with what i got to see, but im definitely going back again to see snake road.

theres a point with mental health when you just get so tired of being depressed it just stops. at least thats what happened to me. I was abandoned so many times and after *** did that stuff to me i was like subconsciously like “Fuck it” and vowed to never people my trust into another human being like that again. that i was the only person who could make me happy. and now im so proud of myself for getting up a goal to go back to school. i owe my univeristy over 7000$ dollars for not withdrawling properly. I’ve known this for about a year and was so mentally strung out i couldnt think about it without sobbing and breaking down. now look at me. im actively working to get the situation remedied and no one else is helping me besides myself. im so incredibly proud of myself and i hope every mentally ill person gets a realization like this. im down to every other week for therapy aND have stable medication. I did this on my own and im so proud.   

listen… im going to need people to stop spreading lies about my son… don’t you know that nicaise is alive and well… he survived the regent and he lives in damen and laurent’s court now… he meets a person who loves him completely and creepy old men never touch him again… he works with laurent to destroy pet culture and impose an age of consent in the new empire… he is completely happy and no one hurts him and im gonna need you to stop spreading these nefarious lies because nicaise is Totally Okay and nothing bad happens to him ever for the rest of his life