sneks sneks i saw a post abt how theres like a Different Feeling for bisexuals when they crush on a dude vs a girl and since ur my local pan friend i wanted to know if u also felt like tht! o: i mean i know ur not like The Spokesperson but.. shrug emoji :'3
I have re written this post many a times haha.
The thing about talking about pansexuality is that it can be confusing for people. I used to go by bi exclusively, then I started using pan because I found the pan definition applied more to me. But I found it hard to explain to people because, a lot of the time, people assume bi encompasses everyone. Like, “you like men and women, what else is there?” and sometimes, when I’m in a space I’m uncomfortable in, I am guilty of just using the term bi to define myself because it cuts the answer short and then I can move on (I use queer a lot too but sometimes the term queer can raise more questions and there are places or people I just Dont Wanna) But, theres more to being pan, for me. I don’t know anyone else irl who is pan, and I have little experience with how other pan people feel but, when I saw this post I could relate in a way.
From my experience with bisexual people, they often had this thing. Like, i saw what I believe was the same post you are talking about and someone had tagged it with “when I like a dude i feel it in my gut but when i like a girl i feel it in my chest” or something like that. I have found that, with the bisexual people I have talked to (so this doesn’t necessarily apply to all bi people), there is that disconnect. That very Different Feeling when liking one gender vs another (often times girls vs. boys), which is a very valid way of feeling and not in any way a Bad Thing. When I was in high school this was what I went with but, after a while, I realized that I did not feel this structured disconnect? I was not approaching people of different genders I liked differently (approaching being both physically and mentally addressing my attraction for them), I was not finding I had a type for boys and a type for girls, I was not finding that these feelings were, at all, different. And then I got to college and realized that gender is, indeed, not a binary that got young me thinking a lot too and one day I was like, if I like you then I like you. And it was kinda, wonderfully simple in a complicated way?? And, yeah, dating different people is gonna be different in obvious ways because if I’m with someone masculine presenting I’m seen as straight and if I’m with someone feminine presenting then Im seen as a lesbian and other things that come with being with different genders, but the way I feel about people is so strongly unique to that person, regardless of any of that, that I can’t find any labels or physical types or preferences in me.
I mean, I have a type as far as being a human being goes (like being nice to me, being hygienic, smells good, being passionate about stuff, liking similar music or willing to share music, maybe you can cook because that is a deff plus, you know? non-gendered stuff) and there are absolutely people out there that I do not find physically attractive like, I don’t go around overwhelmed by how much I wanna bang every living person. But I have no gender specifically that I am Not Attracted To and I have no set feelings for set genders. I can understand the “i feel this when Im attracted to this gender and this with another” but I find that its all one warm, nerve wracking, wonderful butterfly feeling and I guess thats why I drifted away from the bi label and into pan.
Call me out if i offended anyone or used any bad language or anything like that. Or maybe you are pan and you experience it differently and you wanna talk about it, or you are bi and my experiences with bi people are very different from you, that would be cool. But this is my experience with it and I hope it made any form of sense.