im just making things to distract myself

tw suicide/ trans stuff

guys I literally cannot think about anything but transition stuff now I’m so hype and distracted I just want the days to go by super fast until I can get hold of the prescription but I also feel like I’m bothering everyone when I talk about it because I’m just so excited and emotional. It’s like I can’t genuinely express how much this means to me… I feel like it’s going to be the start of a better life for me and there’s going to be so much positivity along the way. I really just want to embrace and enjoy the whole process. I’ve had such damn awful times the past few years. My lowest point was after my suicide attempt and being put in the female ward at the hospital and being chided by the nurses for doing such a thing. All night I was still wishing the overdose would end my pain and I wouldn’t have to live as a trans person with bpd. But now I’m surrounded by supportive partners, friends and family with my first day of t on the near horizon and I doubted I would even make it here?? I’ve struggled with so much depression and anxiety and suicidal thoughts and bpd episodes throughout the years that it was difficult for me to even see a future for myself where anything was different. But now living full time as a guy with great people in my life makes such a huge difference and it’s only going to get better. I’m going to be me??? I’m going to finally look like who I actually am?? I can’t wait for the future and damn I’m so happy I’m at a point in my life where I can say that truthfully and honestly.

anonymous asked:

I feel abandoned by the ones that are important to me. :,-( how do I make this pain go away?

i feel the same way right now actually and i still haven’t really found a healthy way to cope. If anyone knows anything please let me know though!! As of right now i mostly just try to keep myself distracted, i hope things get better soon, im here if you wanna talk more i always wanna make new friends

WOW i never thought this would happen tbh when i made this little blog it was just to distract myself from a lot of the shitty things happening in my life & i didn’t really have anything else that i was too much invested except for GMW. look where i am. look who u followed. you angels and loves i’m sorry i’m sappy and overexcited about everything. thank u for putting up with my ugly ass gifs and rants over riarlie. you are all so individually beautiful and i hope that you sleep well knowing how extraordinary you are :)

SO: let’s get crackin!!! the people i’ve been following since day One, since yesterday, and anywhere in between. my beautiful loves. my beautiful faves. thank you all for being so lovely and kind to me so constantly. i don’t deserve ANY of you :)

A - F

@audreysjay· @babyneaux  @charliegardenr @charliesgardnr·@coryymatthews @charligardner·@dcnniebarnes·@eviesfriar·@ericrmathews·@frostyminkus @friarfthart @farklemiinkus @farkleminkuz

G-J

@godfreyrumancek @girlmeetswrld· @hartxfriar @hartxmatthews @harperburgess @isaiahsmatthews @imdonniebarnes·@joshuasmattthew·

L

@lucasfrar @lucayia  @larrkle @lxcayas·@lucaias· @l-friar @lucasfrirs @lucayaya @lucayagifs·@lucsfriar· @lucasfrair

M

@maefriar @matthewsgardnerx @mcboing·@myhartisonfriar @martinskki (it wont let me bold cassie but she’s an angel and she’s supposed to be EXTRA bold just for the dan inconvenience) @meyahart·@minkusfriar  @mayaslucas @mayaftlucas @mayaahart @mayahxrt @morotiamatthews @mrfriar @mayasfriar·

O-T

·@ohmayahart·@peytonmiyer·@rileymahtthews @ravenrehes·@rileyymatthewss @rileygadner @rowanblanchs @rileymathhews @riarle @rileyforpresident··@scottysbeta·@shawns-hunters·@theresalimittoeverything @therileycommittee @tearinmayahart