im hopping on the bandwagon

Deleted Script From XMA
  • Apocalypse: *breaks quicksilver's leg*
  • Erik: meh
  • Apocalypse: *chokes out mystique*
  • Erik: you good fam
  • Apocalypse: i'm bought to fuck up that telepath homie
  • Erik: yOU THOUGHT WRONG YOU BLUE DILDO DON'T yOu dArE tOuCh mY bALd bAbY
2

tag yourself i’m gay and kokomeme

*takes a deep breath*

Me: I lov-

Anyone who has ever spent five seconds around me: yes, you love Chrobin, i know, you love Chrobin so much, it’s the light of your life, you love it so much, you just love Chrobin, i KNOW, you love Chrobin you fucking love Chrobin ok i know, i get it, YOU LOVE CHROBIN. I GET IT.

2

Guess who hopped on that mf bandwagon and made a spm oc
So this piece of work is named Duperie, and he is a cheeky little fuckface who I hate.
He sells things at incredibly low prices and you can barter with him to get them even lower, but the catch is its not always what its labeled as. Some items he sells are mimics and dont do jack shit. Buying from him is like a double edged sword. You get things dirt cheap, but it might be dirt cheap for a good reason.
He’ll be a bit more truthful with what he sells if you bring him presents and money.
If he even so much as catches you looking like you MIGHT steal something, that fuse will light up and you have about thirty seconds to either apologize and run or try to put it out. He’s capable of distinguishing the fuse, as well as survive after his own detonations. Strangely enough the explosions don’t effect items, only people.

things my friends claim i’ve said sentence starters

“ i am literally going to fight everyone right now. “
“ wrap yourself in a condom of safety. “
“ watch out for aliens and lions. they run rampant in public bathrooms. “
“ shots fired from the d. “
“ you literally sicken me. if there was someone who sickens me, it’s you. you make me sick. get away from me you cretin. “
“ i am the saltine cracker of love. “
“ he showed me a dead bird, and i got sad so i wanted you to see the dead bird too. “
“ you fucking crying bro? you being a nerd– oh you’re not. okay. false alarm. “
“ i am a burrito filled with anxiety. “
“ drive me to throw rocks at the sun. “
“ how do you feel about sea lions? “
“ duuuuude, what do you think it would be like to be a cactus. “
“ what the fuck is math? take it away. “
“ i am allergic to you specifically. “
“ it’s broken? well poke a lot of eye holes in the curtain and we can just stare at the audience screaming for like three hours. we’ll call it live art. “
“ get the fuck away from me you, extra long tadpole. “
“ you’re what a flat tire would act like if it were a person. “
“ we can be pirates! “
“ sorry, i can’t do that. i’m busy being an opium pirate. “
“ marry me for the tax benefits, bro. “
“ oh no. everyone stop what they are doing. get the camera. i’m going to reproduce asexually. my spawn is budding off of me. capture the birth. “
“ i have been to the nurse six times in five days, fight me. “
“ towels make me uncomfortable. it’s like rubbing carpet on your body. “
“ do these pomegranate seeds smell like bourbon to you? “

anyone who knows me knows I hate same-face so it’s sort of ironic that I like this show. but because it’s intentional that they all look the same, it’s actually charming. It’s a fun excersize to try and get unique identities across without any colours or props, just through expression and like, grooming habits lol

love these disaster children <3

agentcalliope’s Master Fic List

@chinese-bakery and @overworkedunderwhelmed did this really smart thing SO IM HOPPING ON THE BANDWAGON (***= my personal favorites) (I’m also not gonna tag all the Doug fics individually because THERE’S A LOT OF THEM)


Completed

***Shockwaves- Lincoln doesn’t really know Fitz, nor Simmons. But what he does know, however, is that Simmons has been limping and clutching her side when she thinks no one’s looking. So he takes a medical kit, a deep breath, and heads to her door.

***Seismic Waves- Daisy knows Jemma, and Fitz. She knows Fitz so well that when he’s running past her and stumbling down the hallway, she can immediately see that he’s upset. So she decides that talking to Coulson can wait, but Fitz cannot: she unhesitatingly turns around, and heads to his door.

Never let you go- When they finally let her see him, she forgets how to breathe. kiss prompt: comforting kisses pressed to tear-stained cheeks between whispered words of reassurance and concern.

After ‘starting over’- Okay, Jemma was the one to mention starting over.
Doesn’t mean she won’t change her mind. Prompt: heated kisses with gasps in between, hands tugging at clothes and exploring skin, bodies pressed close. giving in.

***Do us part- I will attempt to explain. Whenever I meet a human, they are destined to meet me. Some humans claim a time where they almost die, that for some unknown reason they are able to survive. This is not true. I never make mistakes. I arrive for my human precisely when it is fated. I had never once, in all my millennia of being, met a human who could warp destiny and defy me.
Until that moment. (Or the many close encounters of Leopold Fitz and Jemma Simmons with Death)

Explosions- Jemma finds out that Fitz almost imploded (literally).And she explodes (figuratively).

Missed Goodbyes (written with @chinese-bakery)-“Were you even going to tell me? Or would I have to find out when I matched your DNA to whatever scrap was left of you?” What may have happened after the end of “Watchdogs”.

Names- Jemma hesitates a bit before she speaks. “When we get married… will I be Mrs. Fitz?” He opens his eyes with a start. (For the Prompt: “fitzsimmons decide whether Jemma will take fitz last name or fitz will take Jemma’s last name and they end up deciding that they’ll both change their last names to fitzsimmons since everyone calls them that’s anyways”)

***Change- He had said to her once that the last thing he wanted is for things to change. She told him it was too late for that. Jemma thinks about change and Fitz and the past- and what it means for the future.

***A Doug’s Life (with two fics written with @fitzsimmonsshield)- a series with 9 works and one of them is a WIP. Doug the Shield Agent and his family have a lot of feels about the team and fitzsimmons.

Not the same- For one of the few times in her life, Jemma Simmons knows that she was wrong. And she was wrong when she wanted for them to start over.

Cookies- Jemma Simmons excels at preparation. So when they start a meeting, one that’s definitely is going to be long, she packs herself a snack. But she forgot to factor Fitz into that equation.

Hesitate- He hesitates when she leans her head against his shoulder. He hesitates because before everything he wouldn’t have hesitated to tilt his head against hers, reassuring her with his words and with his touch when things happened to go wrong. He wouldn’t have his heart thudding in his chest, his palms sweating and a feeling deep within his gut when she sits so close- And he wouldn’t be thinking about her in this way. So, Fitz hesitates. But then he gives in.

About time- Daisy will always remember and never forgive herself and never forget what she did under Hive’s control.B ut maybe now, she can remember something else. (Daisy finds out about Fitz and Simmons getting together)

***Red Stains (written with @chinese-bakery)- The team finds out about Fitz and Simmons new relationship status in a rather unexpected manner

Salty- Fitz decides to pull a little prank on Jemma. It doesn’t necessarily go the way he planned.

***Giving up the world- “I see that, yet again, Gideon Malick was wrong.” The voice menacingly slithers out of her dead foe’s mouth, and it takes every ounce of her strength to remain standing tall. She will not be little, poor, helpless Agent Simmons any longer– and she’s going to save Fitz.

Good Morning- Fitz wakes before Jemma, and he wonders how could it be that his heart stops every time he looks at her.

A mother knows- Meredith Fitz receives unexpected visitors, but the news they bring isn’t unexpected at all (or Fitz’s mom learns about Fitz and Jemma)

The truth- Daisy’s in quarantine, which Fitz and Simmons seem to forget when they sneak into the lab late at night.

Bet on it- Jemma’s in the lab just admiring Fitz’s perfectly symmetrical backside when she notices something interesting. Very interesting indeed. (from the prompt ‘are you wearing lace underwear?“)

***Running- She never stops, never rests, and she always runs.(metaphorically, of course. She runs and she runs and she runs but Daisy’s not really a ghost and the real ones haunt her instead) or Daisy’s on her own until suddenly, for a second, she isn’t.

Scars- prompt: Fitz tells Jemma that he shot Giyera

Splash- Prompt: "shut up and kiss me"Jemma’s just trying to relax and read her book on the beach, but Fitz has other plans.

***Blue- She dreams, and all she can see is the blue. Blue has been haunting Jemma ever since the pod, but it has since changed to this shade of blue ever since the monolith. or (Jemma wakes up from a nightmare and Fitz talks to here about anything and everything until it’s easier to breathe and her hands stop trembling)

***Waiting- She’s so focused on running from Coulson and Mack and herself that Daisy forgets to run away from Fitz and Jemma. or(Daisy’s on her own until suddenly she isn’t)

We won’t let it- She’s frozen in place, and staring at the white-washed wall of an unfamiliar lab as her thoughts races and heart pounds. She’s frozen in place, trying to process Holden Radcliffe and his gun and his henchmen who laugh at his humorless words from behind her. She’s frozen in place, but she tightens her grip on Fitz’s hand. (and he tightens his grip on hers)

***Missed- It took them months to find the perfect baby name, and although they missed a crucial detail it’s still perfect and individual and all their daughter’s own.

***Promise- Three times May makes a promise.

The same- Jemma and Fitz talk about Daisy, and why she left–and how much they miss her.

Turning her back- Fitz says that she turned her back on them, on all of them. She thinks that the problem is that no matter how much she tries, she can’t.

Time- Jemma’s running late for her plane and she’s not really paying attention and she collides with someone–and, suddenly, all time seems to stand still.

WIP

***Promises- Daisy, Jemma, and Fitz promise May.

***Sunrise to Sunset (written with @grapehyasynth)- The clock ticks down as SHIELD and the Secret Warriors prepare for their most important mission yet… Location: Latitude: 56.396844 | Longitude: -3.444252 Mission: Perthshire Wedding. Interplanetary crises be damned- they’ll do anything until they succeed.

***Cupid’s Arrow (written with @chinese-bakery)- After jeopardizing the reputation of his company, billionaire engineer Leo Fitz knows he needs to redeem himself in the public’s eye. So, against his better judgment, Fitz accepts the offer to become this season’s suitor on the popular reality dating show Cupid’s Arrow. Cupid’s Arrow promises Fitz that he’ll find true love, but Fitz is skeptical- and he’s certainly not looking for love. (Neither is assistant producer Jemma Simmons.)

The Prince & the Blue Knight- A mysterious knight rescues the prince from a dragon.

***Different- Daisy’s trying to fight it she’s trying to fight the way Hive makes her feel she’s trying to stop herself she’s trying she’s trying she’s trying- But she’s just not strong enough. (The three times Daisy encounters three best friends under Hive’s influence, and the three times when she not)

Too tight- Fitz is just waiting outside Daisy’s empty dressing room, waiting for his best friend to come back when he has an interesting encounter with the woman in another dressing room.