im gonna go do the dishes

kinda sad cos its my 18th birthday and im spending it alone except for tonight when my sister and her bf are coming to eat smth im gonna cook. some friends of mine were supposed to come but they may not be here so. yeah. (one of them is sick and the other one may not come cos she lives far away) and i mean its still cool…. i like cooking and stuff but. then i’ll probably have to do the dishes, idk if im gonna be helped, and uh. yeah

luckily on friday theres probably going to be a party and on sunday my family and i are going to the hard rock cafe and the aquarium 

It suddenly occurs to me that I’ve never told the story of how I got engaged, aka the “trash ruins everything you try” story

SO

It starts with my boyfriend insisting we go out for dinner, which in itself is nothing new, it was his day to cook and we hadnt done dishes in like daaaayyys. To which my response was “you lazy ass you just dont want to do the dishes. Fine but you’re paying.”

He tells me to pick a place. Somewhere nice. At this point im naming off our usual places of cheaply priced family style restaurants and he keeps insisting i pick somewhere NICER. At which point i VERY NEARLY made a “why, you gonna propose?” joke. Probably a good thing i didn’t.

Anyways the entire time im just kinda. Laying on the floor whining about having to think of a place because choosing is such a chore. I decide on east side marios, which, for the unknowing, is a family style restaurant thats italian New york themed. Not a romantic place at all but i wanted to eat 7 cheese pasta and once that was decided there was no changing it you dont just CHANGE YOUR MIND about 7 cheese capeletti you just dont.

Anyways, after wards he tries to say we should go on a walk. There’s this scenic as fuck lake near here its real nice but im like. Bitch i just ate a giant ass bowl of 7 cheese pasta and you want me to WALK haha nope im fat and full of cheese ill waddle out to the car take me home so i can take my pants off.

Really, REALLY i dont know why he didn’t just try again another day but anyways. We’re just kinda standing and hugging and boys smell good okay. And he starts going on about how much he loves me and shit and hes usually a sap but hes being super sap and im like. Wait.

AND THEN

THE FUCKER

STARTS

QUOTING RICK ASTLEY AT ME. YOU KNOW THE ONE

i hit him and the ring didn’t fit

TRUE ROMANCE GUYS

i feel like that tumblr post about how roger from 101 dalmations is a dreamboy 4 women erases my lived experience as a bitch who likes to sex fight with hairy-chested slabs of beef, but also likes being able to openly argue with them because their shitty behavior is all out in the open, instead of sneaky and annoying like some kind of matt mcgorry type enlightened man shithead.

me: hey honey you didn’t do the dishes

roger: oh im so sorry i forgot to do them, now i have to go to work at my job where i develop softwares, love you, give me a kiss.

me: fuk……u……


VS


me: hey honey you didn’t do the dishes

gaston: and im not gonna

me: dukes up fuckface loser of this argument tops AND does the dishes

you can ship ereri

I DON’T care, but what I DO care about is when I’m looking for a fucking JeanEren or EreMika or something, anything besides Ereri, and just finding, you guessed it, FUCKInG ERERI because ya’ll tag the side ships and they show up in their tag filter but you FAIL to mention that they’re literally just the side dish to your Ereri smutfest

This has been going on since 2013, it’s 2016, Bernie Sanders for President, Beyonce for VP, please for the love of god stop tagging your side ships as the main ship if they’re not the goddamn main ship, why is this hard