im going through my videos from it and crying

dear markiplier

@dogiplier (it’s kinda long rip)

dear mr. markiplier

i first started watching your videos because 1) while watching a dnp gaming vid, dan mentioned your name in relation to fnaf, and 2) my friend had sent me links to your Meow and Woof videos that had me giggling like an idiot.  that was… about a year and a half ago i think? around december 2015-january 2016 is when i started watching you regularly i think. so i haven’t been around too long! but!! you’ve had a big impact on my life

within the first few months of subscribing to you, i binge watched so many of your series. the first ones were fnaf and alien isolation, and it was alien isolation that made me think “yeah, i love this guy’s stuff, im going to keep watching” and im so so happy i did

when i first subscribed, i was in my senior year of high school, 17/18 years old. now im 19 and in my first year of college and still procrastinating my work by watching your stuff.  during senior year, i was having a really tough time.  my anxiety spiked (due to school, the college app/fin aid process, trouble with friends at my school who basically stopped talking to me out of the blue, and finding out im transgender and facing backlash from that at home :/ ) but thankfully i had you to go back to every day!! every! day! that was wild! i had never watched someone before who uploaded daily

you made me, and still make me, smile and laugh and cry and jump for joy whenever i watch your videos. even recently my mental health has been steadily getting worse, it seems (more college stress with transferring, finding out my asexual and going through a breakup bc of it, and realizing that my first relationship was abusive) but you’re always there to help me feel better. you, jack, dan, phil, all y’all make me happy as a clam, and i am so so grateful for it

and even now as im getting into the community more (this blog is only about a month or 2 old lol) im seeing all these people interacting and seeing all the cool stuff people make and making my own stuff and it’s so fun!! it’s something to look forward to every day and helps me get out of bed to grab the day by the horns, do my best in school, get through work, just so i can come home and be able to have fun with everyone in this community

so thanks!! i owe you one, dude

I have it.
I actually have it.

My hormones. Ive waited SO. FUCKING. LONG. To get this, im shook, im still processing whats happened, my first injection will be tomorrow morning and im so fucking excited im going to cry.

Thank you everyone whos been supportive of me through this journey, i hope to continue to better myself from this point onward.

Im prolly gonna be a pain and post voice progress videos and junk beCAUSE IM JUST SO EXCITED.

up until now, ive posted exclusively covers, but today im breaking new, terrifying ground and posting an original song

the vocals in this video are far from my best but i was so incredibly nervous recording this, no matter how many takes i did, so i gave up on getting anything better than this

feel free to give me any feedback, positive or negative, just remember that writing is something that im very self conscious about it and if youre really mean about my songs being crap i will probably cry. if you think theyre crap, just say it in a nice way

this particular song is about something that i reiterate to myself and others whenever were going through hard time, that everything youre feeling is just chemicals inside your brain, theres nothing wrong with you, even if theres something wrong with the chemicals. thinking this way has helped me come to terms with the fact i will probably always struggle with anxiety and realise that it doesnt necessarily mean theres something wrong with me

sorry for the really long caption but please listen, like, reblog, etc and let me know what you think, i would really appreciate it