im glad i got it in dark green too

Small Talk

This is a b-day present for @sncwbaz (go wish her a happy birthday!)

In which Simon texts the wrong number

(set in the summer before Carry On)

Italics is Baz

Bold is Simon

(Bc = because)

(Idc = I don’t care)

Can u believe it?

They were holding hands, P!

Sorry, who is this?

Oh shit, sorry. Wrong number

Not a problem.

Do u ever wonder why things happen to u? And why u have to take responsibility of things that are beyond your control or knowledge?

Why are you still texting me? And yes. On a regular basis.

Bc Im bored

Why are u replying?

What happened to P? Ignored you?

Busy w/ her boyfriend

U didnt answer my question

I guess because I’m a disappointment to myself.

What? Why? 4 texting an interesting stranger?

For wasting my time. Come on, interesting?

I slayed a dragon once

I didnt want 2, but I guess thats sth unusual

Uhm. Sure. A. Dragon.

Interesting.

Told ya :)

What else?

Mmm…

Once I ate 30 scones in a row

and I puked them 30 s later

THAT’S DISGUSTING.

Your turn. Tell me sth about u

I’m a vampire.

Hahahaha, nice 1

Tho u kno, they do exist

I know. I am one.

WICKED. So, u kill ppl?

No. I’m not a murderer.

Srry g2g

Care homes suck, they wont let me use my phone :(

Oh. That’s sad.

Bye!

Morning vampy!

Call me that again and I swear I’ll kill you with my own fangs.

Touchy, arent we?

Don’t get into trouble for texting me.

Concerned?

No way. Just wouldn’t like you to blame me if you got grounded or something.

Im grounded 24/7 so no worries

Impressive.

Yeah

Cant wait to start school next week

Me too, actually.

We must b like the only 2 teenagers on earth willing 2 go 2 school

Why are you guessing I’m a teenager? I could be a teacher.

Shit. True

Are u?

No, silly. I’m in A-level.

Omfg me 2

Do u live in England?

Hampshire.

Cool! I live in London

Star Wars or LOTR?

Why do I have to choose?

Lets ask random questions 2 kno each other better!

Okay. Lord of the Rings, then.

Rembrandt or Van Gogh?

Idc?

Day or night?

Night.

Coffee or tea?

Tea. W/ scones.

Outside or inside person?

Definitely inside.

Basketball or football?

Football. But Im not v good

Rain or sun?

Snow.

Do you spit or swallow? (gum)

This question is disturbing

You said RANDOM. And I’m disturbed.

Im still not answering

Bummer.

U kno what? U really wanna kno sth abot me?

Yes.

My girlfriend just left me

BY TEXT

And I dont even care

Sorry about your girlfriend

Well dont b. I have much more fun texting u

Anyway, g2g

Text u later

Until later, then.

alkdlskajdfkl

Wow. Eloquent.

Whuts goin on on taht baeutiful miiind?

Im on ur magickal mysstery riiied

Are you drunk? Did you just quote John Legend?

Funny spelling of MAGICKAL, though.

I leik u sooooo much.

I’m flattered, but sorry. I’m hopelessly in love with my roommate, actually.

And you don’t even know my gender.

Fcuk taths tru

I didtn think abot it

You didn’t think?!

Deos it mutter?

Heeeeey

Answeeeer mee!!1!

R u madd?

I suppose it doesn’t matter. But there’s still my roommate. So, sorry.

I’m a boy, by the way.

its ok

im a bloke 2

i wish my roommate were liek u

my roommate is irky af n sooo posh n strong n graceful n ruthless n tall n smart n bloody perfect u dont understend

That’s a lot of adjectives.

Are you sure you don’t like them?

No I haet him!

Sure…

n he hats me 2

he pushed me down the stiars!

Go to sleep.

ok ill do it only bc u tell me 2

Good night.

niiiiite ily!! ilysm

Hey, srry about yesterday!

I was pretty pissed…

Yeah

But don’t worry. I understand.

So, I was thinking… would u like 2 meet?

I kno it sounds weird but I really like u and it would b great if we could, u kno, talk face 2 face?

Well, sounds nice. What do you suggest?

Theres this b-day party 2nite at a friend’s of mine from school. Her name is Anna, shes pretty rad

Anyway, is the only day im allowed to go out

I’ve got permission from the Queen

The party starts at 7

Okay, send me the directions and I’ll be there.

(You’re lucky I love driving)

ill wear worn out jeans n a red jumper

Good. I’ll wear a dark green suit.

See you then.

See u later

Too many people wearing a red jumper.

Wait ill go to the entrance

FUCK

Fuck, fuck, FUCK. MY ROOMMATE IS HERE.

Uhm…

Baz?

Snow?

Fuck

Baz wait! Dont go

Pls come back

Stay

PLEASE

Fine.

Soooo

About u being hopelessly in love w/ ur awesome roommate?

I’m pretty sure I didn’t use the word “awesome”.

Glad u stayed yesterday?

Very.

Glad u kissed me?

YOU kissed ME, Snow.

I rlly want it to b monday already, so we can b 2gether again

Just because we snogged doesn’t mean we are TOGETHER

I want 2 try

Im terrible at this

But

Yes, fine.

Okay.

Yes, what?

You can be my terrible boyfriend.

!!!

:)

:))))

I have 2 go get everything ready

Cant wait 4 monday!!

See you on Monday, love.

<3

;*


-FIN-

Ari: Hope you like this! <3 </p>

I also posted it on AO3, here’s the link.