This is a b-day present for @sncwbaz (go wish her a happy birthday!)
In which Simon texts the wrong number
(set in the summer before Carry On)
Italics is Baz
Bold is Simon
(Bc = because)
(Idc = I don’t care)
Can u believe it?
They were holding hands, P!
Sorry, who is this?
Oh shit, sorry. Wrong number
Not a problem.
Do u ever wonder why things happen to u? And why u have to take responsibility of things that are beyond your control or knowledge?
Why are you still texting me? And yes. On a regular basis.
Bc Im bored
Why are u replying?
What happened to P? Ignored you?
Busy w/ her boyfriend
U didnt answer my question
I guess because I’m a disappointment to myself.
What? Why? 4 texting an interesting stranger?
For wasting my time. Come on, interesting?
I slayed a dragon once
I didnt want 2, but I guess thats sth unusual
Uhm. Sure. A. Dragon.
Told ya :)
Once I ate 30 scones in a row
and I puked them 30 s later
Your turn. Tell me sth about u
I’m a vampire.
Hahahaha, nice 1
Tho u kno, they do exist
I know. I am one.
WICKED. So, u kill ppl?
No. I’m not a murderer.
Care homes suck, they wont let me use my phone :(
Oh. That’s sad.
Call me that again and I swear I’ll kill you with my own fangs.
Touchy, arent we?
Don’t get into trouble for texting me.
No way. Just wouldn’t like you to blame me if you got grounded or something.
Im grounded 24/7 so no worries
Cant wait to start school next week
Me too, actually.
We must b like the only 2 teenagers on earth willing 2 go 2 school
Why are you guessing I’m a teenager? I could be a teacher.
No, silly. I’m in A-level.
Omfg me 2
Do u live in England?
Cool! I live in London
Star Wars or LOTR?
Why do I have to choose?
Lets ask random questions 2 kno each other better!
Okay. Lord of the Rings, then.
Rembrandt or Van Gogh?
Day or night?
Coffee or tea?
Tea. W/ scones.
Outside or inside person?
Basketball or football?
Football. But Im not v good
Rain or sun?
Do you spit or swallow? (gum)
This question is disturbing
You said RANDOM. And I’m disturbed.
Im still not answering
U kno what? U really wanna kno sth abot me?
My girlfriend just left me
And I dont even care
Sorry about your girlfriend
Well dont b. I have much more fun texting u
Text u later
Until later, then.
Whuts goin on on taht baeutiful miiind?
Im on ur magickal mysstery riiied
Are you drunk? Did you just quote John Legend?
Funny spelling of MAGICKAL, though.
I leik u sooooo much.
I’m flattered, but sorry. I’m hopelessly in love with my roommate, actually.
And you don’t even know my gender.
Fcuk taths tru
I didtn think abot it
You didn’t think?!
Deos it mutter?
R u madd?
I suppose it doesn’t matter. But there’s still my roommate. So, sorry.
I’m a boy, by the way.
im a bloke 2
i wish my roommate were liek u
my roommate is irky af n sooo posh n strong n graceful n ruthless n tall n smart n bloody perfect u dont understend
That’s a lot of adjectives.
Are you sure you don’t like them?
No I haet him!
n he hats me 2
he pushed me down the stiars!
Go to sleep.
ok ill do it only bc u tell me 2
niiiiite ily!! ilysm
Hey, srry about yesterday!
I was pretty pissed…
But don’t worry. I understand.
So, I was thinking… would u like 2 meet?
I kno it sounds weird but I really like u and it would b great if we could, u kno, talk face 2 face?
Well, sounds nice. What do you suggest?
Theres this b-day party 2nite at a friend’s of mine from school. Her name is Anna, shes pretty rad
Anyway, is the only day im allowed to go out
I’ve got permission from the Queen
The party starts at 7
Okay, send me the directions and I’ll be there.
(You’re lucky I love driving)
ill wear worn out jeans n a red jumper
Good. I’ll wear a dark green suit.
See you then.
See u later
Too many people wearing a red jumper.
Wait ill go to the entrance
Fuck, fuck, FUCK. MY ROOMMATE IS HERE.
Baz wait! Dont go
Pls come back
About u being hopelessly in love w/ ur awesome roommate?
I’m pretty sure I didn’t use the word “awesome”.
Glad u stayed yesterday?
Glad u kissed me?
YOU kissed ME, Snow.
I rlly want it to b monday already, so we can b 2gether again
Just because we snogged doesn’t mean we are TOGETHER
I want 2 try
Im terrible at this
You can be my terrible boyfriend.
I have 2 go get everything ready
Cant wait 4 monday!!
See you on Monday, love.
Ari: Hope you like this! <3 </p>
I also posted it on AO3, here’s the link.