im getting lost in my life

  • Hazel: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life.
  • Frank: It would be nice to get my sense of purpose back.
  • Percy: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.
  • Jason: My will to live! I haven’t seen this in 16 years!
  • Leo: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!
  • Annabeth: Mental stability, my old friend!
  • Hazel: Guys, could you lighten up a little?

I think the hardest part about losing you
was that I didn’t just lose the boy
who called me pretty even when I hadn’t showered in 3 days,
or
the boy who once kissed me in the rain with tears in his eyes

I lost my best friend
the only person who knows what my favorite time of day is
and why
and
the only person who’s calmed me down after a day of nightmares

I’ve lost so much more
than anyone can imagine
and I hear what youre asking
I’m just trying to make it easier on you

—  Conscious//kayla
  • Shownu: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you've lost throughout your life.
  • Hyungwon: It would be nice to get my sense of purpose back.
  • Wonho: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thanks for finding this!
  • I.M: My will to live! I haven't seen this in 12 years!
  • Minhyuk: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!
  • Jooheon: Mental stability, my old friend!
  • Shownu: ...Guys, could you lighten up a little?

I’m sitting on the floor and crying my eyes off. I feel so alone, does anyone even realise my struggle is real? that i’m in so much mental pain, standing on the edge of the cliff. Thinking about jumping, ending it all.
Not a medication or therapy can make me better. I hug my mom and say nothing, I can’t hurt her again, I just want to be with her a little longer.
I’m so scared, so physically and mentally exhausted. I sit under the shower because my legs are too weak for standing.
I’m so full of bad thoughts, full of anxiety and pain. I let part of it out with the blood, but it’s not helping. I’m trapped and so lost.

And again this writing will just fade away, get lost between other messages. And it will mean nothing

my other fave tbh

So, I’m working on a prompt for @lostcauses-noregrets and it involves the “Care to Dance” eruris, but younger, pining Erwin is hard to get right. While I fumbled with the vibe of that drabble, this verse was born. And so technically this goes with “That’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard,” but… it’s so out there I feel weird tagging anyone in it. Consider this gross self-indulgence.

Have a bit of a Robin Hood!Erwin set in the fictional Wild West, my friends?


23. “That’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard.”

[~1.8k, Mature, guns and depictions of violence, blood, Western AU]




Erwin adjusted his suspenders once more in the cloudy mirror and made sure the bolo tie hung straight before flashing Levi a grin over his shoulder.  Levi had glowered at his back the entire time Erwin dressed—slipping his too-long legs into too-tight pants, donning shoes they couldn’t afford and a shirt so white it reminded Levi of bleached skeletons in the desert.


“These are pretty comfortable, actually.  You should try wearing them sometime.”  Erwin’s lips curled into a suggestion and he turned all the way around, playfully snapping the suspenders. 


“Don’t,” Levi snarled. “This is, without a doubt, the worst fucking—” he paused to suck a sticky breath because the tremor in his voice made him sick.  He swallowed.  “Erwin, this is the worst idea I’ve ever heard.  And you’ve had some bad ones.”  


Erwin’s grin pulled wider like the accusation pleased him endlessly and fuck, it probably did.  Levi ignored how good he looked in civilian clothes, keeping his gaze far above the way the trousers pulled taut over Erwin’s thighs.  Levi knew all the little fibers that knitted bodies together—where to stab, where to bruise, what to carve on an animal and what to chuck—and Erwin’s body was made of the same easily torn gristle, nothing more.  Levi told himself that again and again.  


“You’re not even carrying a gun.”  Levi’s hands curled into desperate fists at his side.


“Well Lobov wouldn’t, would he.”


Fuck Lobov.”


Erwin laughed.  “That’s exactly the point.”  His eyes were bright with that manic energy his presence shivered with before a raid.


Levi looked away.  “How am I supposed to protect you if you refuse to protect yourself?”  He could hardly hear himself over the adrenalin flooding his brain, rushing behind his eyes.  He closed his lips against whispering, What if I’m not fast enough, Erwin?  What the fuck then? He’d asked before and he didn’t want to hear Erwin’s answer again.


A warm finger tapped his chin, risking Levi’s gritted teeth, coaxing until Levi was looking at eyes that matched the bolo tie he’d stolen for Erwin two days ago.


“I trust you.”  Erwin’s voice didn’t catch in his chest the way Levi’s did.


“They’ll never buy it.”


“I’m persuasive.”


“You’re a suicidal bastard.”  Levi nudged his face up and squeezed his eyes shut, forehead pressed to Erwin’s lips hard enough to bruise.  He felt Erwin smile.


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“Life keeps dragging me down and it’s getting to a point where I don’t want to get up anymore”

— the-saddest-comedy

Sometimes it’s not about things being perfect all the time, sometimes it’s not about being happy all the time, sometimes it’s about getting on with things, and putting one foot in front of the other. And I just hope when you do that, when you make mistakes, when you go through terrible things…I hope you don’t see yourself as damaged. Because that is not what happens when you experienced life. You are not damaged because you have scars or because you have ghosts. Taylor Swift

I’m looking for recommendations

I want to know accounts I should follow for thinspo, low calorie food ideas and all the stuff I shouldn’t. I’m so new to this Tumblr thing and I need some help :(


ALSO

This jackass at the market this morning told me my back was unattractive and low key I wanted to die.

Like don’t get me wrong I have excess skin on my back/arms/legs/stomach/neck from extreme weightloss.

HELLO IVE LOST OVER 200 LBS IN MY LIFE SO OBVIOUSLY IM NEVER GOING TO BE PERFECT


But Jesus FUCK am I not trying as hard as I can 😭😭😭


BUT

Instead of screaming at him or dying I went and cried in my car and grabbed a coffee


ppl rly lost their shit over my andreil hc so here is neil w twitter

  • when allison, dan, and renee first makes neil a twitter he ? doesnt get ? it?
  • “why would i put stuff abt my life on the internet for strangers to read”
  • “ur friends can see it too neil”
  • “im w u guys all the time tho”
  • they ask what he wants his bio to say and he says idk smthg about exy
  • they make his bio “something about exy”
  • neil can’t figure out how to change it for a week and no one will help him
  • but allison follows a bunch of exy players for him and one day he goes on there when he’s bored in class
  • and bc he’s Neil Josten Human Trashcan he starts replying to ppl
  • like this girl might be court but she clearly does not know what she’s talking abt i better tell her
  • he already has a reputation and this just makes it worse
  • kevin puts him on google alert and reads the articles about his twitter fights every day w his daily vodka shot mug
  • “neil u cant just insult pro exy players”
  • so by the time neil makes his “Andrew is my boyfriend.” tweet he has tons of followers
    • a lot of them dont even like exy they are just here for the daily shade
  • the next day, this former Raven who’s now Court tweets about how exy should be a family sport and how the players needs to return to traditional values
  • neil doesnt follow this idiot but so many ppl @ him that he notices anyway
    • (allison has to give him a lesson on what subtweeting is)
  • and man neil josten is not abt to just leave this alone
  • pls
  • “idk i don’t like to take advice from strikers who havent managed to score in their last three games :/”
    • (neil is an emoticon purist he makes own from characters on the keyboard psh who needs emojis)
  • andrew hates it
  • he cant spend five minutes w neil w/out him replying to 40 ppl’s tweets
  • one day they’re on the roof and he. just. takes neil’s phone
  • and throws it off 
  • neil is so Offended
  • “andrew what r my enemies gonna think when i cant reply until i get a new phone tmrw?”
    • “r u trying to make me look weak andrew”
  • he literally leaves the roof
  • andrew takes six deep breaths and downloads twitter so neil can use his phone
  • dan and matt start printing out neil’s most epic clapbacks and taping them around the lounge
  • one of neil’s arguments is trending at least once a week
thoughts while watching haikyuu
  • <p> <b><p></b> <b></b> "wait i didn't read the subtitles i was busy looking at his face"<p/><b></b> "PAUSE THE FUCK UP I NEED SCREENSHOTS OF THIS"<p/><b></b> "are they going to lose"<p/><b></b> "of course they're not going to lose they're the main characters"<p/><b></b> "shit"<p/><b></b> "THEY LOST"<p/><b><b></b> *is ready to say rude stuff about the opposing team but a flashback suddenly plays*</b><p/><b></b> "they're so canon"<p/><b></b> "get away from him he has a boyfriend"<p/><b></b> "HOW THE FUCK CAN ANYONE HATE HIM HE'S THE BEST PERSON EVER"<p/><b><b></b> *sweats nervously while watching a tournament*</b><p/><b></b> "they look cute"<p/><b></b> "STOP TALKING AND FUCKING PLAY THE GAME"<p/><b></b> "I'm going to join a volleyball team this year"<p/><b></b> "i think they're going to win"<p/><b></b> "just kiss already"<p/><b></b> "HAHA LOSERS THEY LOST"<p/><b></b> "huh just because he's short doesn't mean he can't play WHADDYA THINK NOW BITCH"<p/><b></b> "do the quick already im tired of waiting"<p/><b></b> "omg he said his name"<p/><b></b> "my life is ruined"<p/></p><p/></p>

Happy CNY!

;__; hope this year going to be bless for you all guys!

i getting more anxious than before,life being hard for me ,i lost my job this year so im dying where i should get money for pay bill and stuff (i had 4 cat to feed)so im opened donation button on my tumblr blog via paypal ;__;; sorry for this since anxious make me hard to drawing stuff .

Have two little choi with mc !

(( sorry for the modpost but ive seen a lot of interesting tags on my ask about michael in the bathroom and i want to say, depending on someone to help u in life isnt bad, and even living for them doesnt make u lesser, it can just be an unhealthy thing. its something ive personally dealt with a lot and it has ruined a lot of friendships for me. it doesnt always make u toxic but putting that much pressure on someone can have negative impacts on them. learning to thrive in your own is currently something i am trying to still work out as relying on others is a lot easier than relying on ,,, well ,,, just yourself! idk thats the point i was trying to get across, live for you, not for someone else, since it is your life!))

2

Drunk Robert forgets to use his inside voice and talks way too close to people’s ears, and Drunk Rosalind gets awfully cocky and annoys the hell out of Comstock.

Rose Garden Blurb

Ruby: *Says or does a thing at Oscar*

Oz: Oh my… she likes you.

Oscar: W-What? You cant be certain of something like that!

Oz: I was a teacher for a good majority of my adult life. I think I can tell when a young person shows admiration toward another young person.

Oscar: … Ruby… likes me…? *blushing furiously* … Ruby likes me…

Oz: Okay now lets not go getting a big head over this. Petty crushes and what not are very popular around your age group and you’re-

Oscar: *Blushing madly, smiling like a dork and chuckling to himself*

Oz: *sighs* Well… I’ve lost him.

LOST LANCE FICS / (UPDATED MEMES)

Okay so I’ve given it a lot of thought and realized that I most likely won’t write a lost lance fic myself BUT I have decided to let people write for Lost Lance AU

BUT Please: 

  • ASK ME FIRST (I’ll say yes I just wanna know) 
  • credit me

  • explain that it is only BASED ON the Lost Lance au and is not like ‘offical tm.’ lmao

  • and send me a link because I WANNA READ/SHARE IT !!!!
This au is very special to me. But I’ve been feeling a lot of unnecessary pressure and If i don’t write for this au i’d love it if someone wanted too not only for me but for everyone who craves a lost lance fic
ALSO I want to actually work on this other story that i’ve been neglecting for like two months which is called “Heaven is a place on earth” over on my ao3 which you should read if you’re about that angsty au life lmfao (sorry that’s cringey but I gotta get that plug lol)

My plans for the next few weeks (on this blog) is to work on commissions then finish the human healing pod animatic & finally focus on the lost lance au (and a bit on the fallen angel au^^ which is what i’m calling that ^^^

I appreciate all of you this is really extra and Love ya as always, keep it spicy

Please help me get my life together!

Hello followers and non followers do I have a story for you

The name’s Madison but you can call Me Maddie Im a 20 year old lesbian who is so mentally ill that it has been effecting me physically Ive lost almost 20 pounds in over a month as well as having little to know appetiteI’ve been very emotionally unstable recently,Feverish off and on,I have a suspicion i may have schizophrenia, And i’ve been having problems i’ve been watching im concerned about and not too sure what too do  ive been getting with chest pains and once a week sometimes two weeks my heart feels like its struggling and i cant do anything for a few seconds??? its terrifying and of course my heart racing feeling its going to beat out my chest when im just sitting around

somewhat came out to my mother a few months ago but really she looked at my private information on my phone when i was going through some serious lesbophobia and trying to get some advice with friends shes been off and on about accepting me that night i had told her even though i already knew that she knew she made me feel like something was wrong with me and I had some sort of demon and PCOS

The money I’ve made I’ve gotten through my job gifts through holidays and some help from other people have been taken by my parents as well

The point is I really need some money If any of you have a couple of extra bucks to share I would be soooo Greatful! It will go to: 1. Putting aside savings for emergencys 2. Giving proper care to my dog (Who needs medicine to prevent heart worms and his rabies shot soon) 3. A laptop so i can draw away from home 4. Getting some money aside for driving lessons (I’ve been too mentally ill and let my parents walk over me for too long its hard to get a job when i have to rely on them i had to sob to my mom to take my dog who was bitten to the vet and tell her to please take me to the doctors for a week when i was sick) That’s what im starting with for now im trying not too overwhelm myself My mom put me through three anxiety attacks in almost 2 weeks i called my brother up telling him i was not doing well and he rescued me about two weeks ago today which i am so greatful I will immediately follow you!

I really need help and made these examples today to show my improvement and what i can do

Heres a simple but cute sketch which will be 5$ or lower Depending on how complex the character (I’ll leave out the guidelines at the face and put more effort)

Colored and cute 9$

Detailed sketch 6$ (Again i’ll put more work in it I most these examples in several hours today)

Lineart 8$ added characters 2$ each

Colored 10$ shaded 12$

Background an extra 2$ (Old example)

Memes 4$

Im not the best with humans,Backgrounds,and Inanimate objects but I will do my best! Thank you so much for listening and if you cant help me out please spread the word! To those who are willing to help me out I can’t thank you enough

To those willing to help me out please give me time to get it done my anxiety has been through the roof lately and I really want to make sure you’re all happy with all i make for you in return!

Thank you so much!

Support me here:

paypal.me/Rawringrainbows

6

“rendezvous”

waaa yesterday I met up with @shelliihe in toronto and it was so much fun!! ;O; 

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