im freaking crying again

can i just say, i’m really really proud of mark? he’s only 17 and he’s already being looked up to by singers and celebrities much older than him and based on the preview for snowball project you can tell he’s having so much fun and being so happy on the show making music and having the opportunity to make new friends. i’m very happy for him and i’m glad he’s getting the recognition he deserves, this boy is pure gold

youtube

please listen to this whole thing if you haven’t yet

5

my first batch of art fight attacks <3

(EDIT im taggin people bc idk why i didnt before) anyway these belong to:

@blairaptor 

@avafaidian 

stellafiore on artfight

@maries-art

and @jaks-art

<333

2

Guys ICHIRUKI HAPPENED!

At Bleach Rock Musical, Ichigo proposed to Rukia on stage, unscripted!

It’s real and if that doesn’t fill up the gap in your heart I don’t know what will.

These scars remind me that the past is real

WARNING: SELF HARM, SELF HATRED

This was requested from a sweet anon so if you find self-harm in any way, shape, or form triggering PLEASE DO NOT READ IT. Thank you babes.
I’ve been through this, I’ve helped my little cousin through it. It’s a serious issue - not to be romanticized and not to be taken lightly. If you or someone you know does self-harm PLEASE get some help. Sometimes just having one person to talk to can make all of the difference in the world. I love you all so much and if you ever need anyone to talk to, I’m here. Xoxx

Cashton

¼
Ashton

“Are you sure you wanna do this baby?” Ashton asked sweetly as he kissed your bare shoulder.

“I’m sure.” You said reassuring him.

“Okay.” He said giving you a small comforting smile before putting his lips to yours and grabbing your neck.

He laid on top of you and started to kiss down your neck and all over your upper body.

“Mmm Ash” you moaned as you felt his smile on your skin.

He made his way down to your pants and started to undo them.

You looked down at him through your lashes and smiled, tangling your hands in his hair.

He pulled down your pants and kissed your clothed hips.

He threw your pants to the floor and kissed your thighs inch by inch.

When he started to pull off your underwear he stopped in his tracks and looked at you with wide eyes.

“What?” You asked confused forgetting completely about your scars.

“Baby no.” He said with tears forming in his eyes as he traced the deep scar on your hip with his finger.

“Fuck! Ash! I’m sorry!” You said frantically and sitting upright to grab your knees into a tight little ball.

He sat in front of you. “Baby?” He asked concerningly.

Tears formed in your eyes. “Im sorry Ash, you weren’t supposed to see those. I just…” You started to say

“Shhhhh angel it’s okay.” He said reaching out his arms to hold you close.

You started to cry into his chest.

“Shhh baby shhhh it’s okay.” He said trying to calm you down.

“I’m so sorry Ash.” You said again with tears.

“How long ago?” He asked kissing the top of your head.

“About 4 years.” You replied sniffling.

“Why?” He asked biting his lip to keep the tears from coming.

“I couldn’t handle it at home. I was nothing in my parents eyes. I was worthless. I had to do something. I had to. No one would listen to me, I couldn’t talk to anyone. Im such a freak!” You said crying again and holding onto him tight, remembering the past.

“Look at me. Baby look at me.” He said with serious eyes.

You looked up at him.

He held up his wrist and pointed and there you seen a tiny scar.

“It’s been about 7 years ago but I used to do the same thing. It was my only form of control until the band. I felt worthless, like no one wanted me. I was just….different and I had no one to talk to, no way to cope. You’re not a freak baby, you found an outlet in the only way you knew how, it doesn’t make you a freak or a bad person.” He said causing you to hold onto him tighter.

You kissed his wrist.

He smiled.

“You’re not a freak either, love. You’re an incredible person who deserves all of the love in the world.” You said seriously.

“As do you baby. You are my world and I’ll never let anyone hurt you again.” He said with honest eyes.

“I love you.” You said quietly since it was the first time you two had ever said it outloud.

He smiled. “I love you too y/n, more then you know.”

He kissed your lips and went back to making sweet, passionate love being sure to give special attention to your battle wounds.


2/4
Calum

“This is my jam turn it up!” You said as you danced to All Time Low’s “Bad enough for you”.

Calum laughed and turned it up dancing with you.

“I JUST WANNA BE BAD. ENOUGH. FOR YOU.” You giggled as you booped his nose.

He giggled and grabbed your waist pulling you tightly to him.

“Hi.” You said smiling at him.

“Hi.” He said smiling back before pecking your lips.

“Ah dang is that all I get?” You asked playfully pouting.

“You want more?” He asked shyly with a small smile.

“Mhm.” You said causing him to giggle and put his lips back to yours - this time just a bit longer.

He pulled away and giggled. “That better?”

“Nuh uh. Want more.” You said licking your lips.

He smirked and bit his lip. “Baby you can have it all.”

You giggled and kissed him again, swaying slowly with him as his hands roamed your body.

“So sexy” he said seductively.

You blushed and kissed him again.

He started to slowly take off your top and you pushed his hands back down.

“Please can we leave it on?” You asked quietly.

“What?” He asked taken a bit back.

“My shirt. Please Calum can we leave it alone?” You asked already regretting getting so close to him.

“Why baby? Is something wrong?” He asked concerned.

“No. I just….I’m self conscious is all.” You said lying.

“Ah love you’re beautiful you have no reason to be self conscious.” He said chuckling lowly and pulling up your shirt.

“Shit y/n I’m sorry I…” he said once he seen your stomach and sides covered in scars.

“I need to go.” You said pulling down your shirt quickly and walking away.

“Y/n no please come back. Don’t go please! I didn’t mean to, I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.” He said putting his hands up and walking towards you.

“No really Calum it’s fine. I need to go.” You said with tears forming in your eyes.

He grabbed your wrist and wrapped you into a hug.

“Please don’t go. Please baby. Sit down, talk to me” He said with wide, caring eyes as he sat you down on his bed.

He looked up at you with big eyes. “Im sorry baby, I’m an idiot. Please talk to me. Tell me what happened” He said again.

Tears started slowly falling down your cheeks.

You gave a big sigh and then confessed.

“I’m fucked up Calum. I’m completely fucked up. When I was a lot younger I was really skinny, no curves at all. When I got to be twenty and got off of birth control I blew up. I gained 30 pounds and people would stop me and ask what the hell happened. They would always make a habit of telling me how I wasn’t skinny anymore. It hurt, a lot. I’ve always been very self conscious about my body and having people tear me down constantly broke me. I tried so many crash diets and exercised so much I would almost pass out. It didn’t seem to make a difference. My mother would comment about my weight and it’s funny because even though I was so focused on my weight, I started picking apart every piece of my appearance. I didn’t know how to stop it. It ate at me night and day. I didn’t want to go out in public, I didn’t want to hang out with friends. I hated myself. No one would listen, I wasn’t big enough for anyone to be concerned and wasn’t small enough for anyone to give a damn- so I was alone. Completely alone. Everytime I looked at my stomach and love handles it made me sick, made me livid. So I did the only thing I knew how to do, I tried to make it go away. I scratched and cut myself to make it go away. I just wanted it to all go away. I was so angry so I took it out on the body part that I despised the most. It didn’t help though, it only made it worse. I only did it for a couple of months before I stopped myself.” You said looking at the ground, remembering that horrible time in your life.

He just looked at you.

“Body dysmorphic disorder is what they call it. It’s where you focus on one-or more- aspects of your appearance to the point of actually obsessing over it. You will do anything to change it.”

“I had no idea.” He said holding your hand.

“No one did. I still have issues with the way that I see myself, but I’m working on them and getting better everyday.” You said biting your lip.

“But.. you’re so beautiful. Everyone sees that. I don’t understand how you don’t see that.” He said giving you a sad look.

“I just don’t. I’m sorry.” You said quietly.

“No don’t be sorry babygirl. I wish that you could see you the way that I see you, but if you can’t then that’s okay because I’ll be here everyday reminding you. You’re perfect to me.” He said kissing your hand.

“I’m fucked up Calum, I’m not perfect.” You said with a sad look.

“Baby we’re all a little fucked up. That’s what makes us human. I don’t think of you any differently and I never will. I love you.” He said giving you a small smile and pulling you into a warm hug.

“I love you too.” You said with tears falling down your cheeks.

thank you for 4 years of joy and happiness,
thank you for 4 years of wonderfulness and greatness,
thank you for 4 years of sadness and tears,
thank you for 4 years of a roller coaster ride,
thank you for 4 years of both rain and sunshine,

thank you for the best 4 years of my life.