im fooling

4

Proud dads

Things that an elven Inquisitor probably deals with

  • Diplomats and dignitaries attempting to address their advisers instead of them because consulting an elf is like consulting a servant
  • Someone suggesting they cover their vallaslin with powder or tinted creams when they go to court, likely in the name of being helpful
  • Never ending backhanded compliments. “Oh Maker, they know how to use a fork when eating? Goodness they must not be so barbaric after all!” “How nice it must feel to have risen up from such lowly beginnings. Surely they never imagined such splendor and power, it all must be so new and exciting.”
  • Being overly-sexualized due to their race. “You know, I’ve never seen elven ears up close. Am I wrong in thinking they must be delightfully sensitive?”
  • Being mistaken for a servant. All the time, often purposefully. 
  • Hearing knife-ear, savage, barbarian, heathen, and other more colorful terms both to their face and behind their back.
  • People talking slowly and loudly under the assumption that they cannot speak common. Add hand gestures for extra points
  • People marveling when they can speak and understand common without difficulty, thanks
  • Enduring suspicious looks and even comments when they dare to communicate with fellow elves in their own language. “You could be saying anything!”
  • Receiving gifts of art supposedly rendered in their likeness. But the portraits tend to hide their ears beneath hair and soften the angles of their faces. Curves and bulk are added in places where none exist and in short they look awfully HUMAN in all these paintings and statues
  • Hearing the phrase “for an elf/Dalish” way too much. “You’re very pretty–for an elf.” “You read so well for someone Dalish!” “You speak common so beautifully for an elf.” “You’re so intelligent for an elf.” Yes yes! They get it! They’re an awfully exceptional elf bc surely no other elves have any talents or wits or virtues about them whatsoever! 
  • Dealing with constant (be they subtle or obvious) attempts to convert them to Andrastianism or whatever the shems call their faith
  • Weird and offensive assumptions. “YEAH ya know what? We DO offer blood sacrifices up to our gods– or at least we’re about to start. I’ve been taught that they see killing off idiots as a particular act of reverence.”