Dan & Phil describing each other for the Summer in the City book
Dan Howell, whose name rhymes with hand towel, bland scowl, and sand owl, was created when a woodland creature had a baby with Liam Payne from one direction. When not procrastinating by eating the entire fridge or staying awake until 6am, he makes youtube videos on the channel danisnotonfire (which was his username back in the lolrandom bebo days.) Before becoming a Youtuber, teenager Dan worked in a DIY shop until one day he sold an axe to an eight year old. Dan’s Greatest Hits include “what not to do at the beach” (where he actually went outside), “sexy internet dating” (where he invited a naked 58 year old man called Manesh to our house), and “what is my life” (where he spent eight minutes pritt-sticking various meat products to his face). I know what you are thinking, “I want some Dan facts!” WELL HERE THEY ARE, JENNY! (I just totally freaked out anyone called Jenny) Dan is scared of trees. Dan eats cinnamon cereal every day (except the days I steal his cereal). I am sat next to Dan now and he said if he could have any dog it would be a Shiba Inu. If you haven’t checked out his videos yet then you are missing out - a LOT. Also you might want to check out his pretty cool friend Phil.
Get his autograph below! or find someone else called Dan and get him to forge it. Just convince yourself it was true.
Phil Lester is the by-product of two related grandparents and a haircut that was cool in 2006, but that’s okay because he has a lovely personality. His quirky videos and idiosyncratic editing sets him apart from other YouTube vloggers - that and his unique life which seems to attract a worryingly large amount of strange people and situations (which he relives for your enjoyment). If you look at yourself in the mirror and think “wow i am so weird, how do i function?” - Phil’s the guy that teaches you to embrace your individuality.
If you see Phil this weekend, do not be alarmed if his hand is facing backwards towards his pocket in a claw shape, he can’t help it. And he was does not condone irresponsible use of a permanent marker on your face.
I look over at her, quizzical.
She points to the cigarette dangling from my mouth and gives me the basic line that everyone says to a smoker.
“It’s not healthy.”
“I could stop smoking at any given moment, yknow.” As I crush the supposed “cancer stick” to the dirt, resisting the urge of an eye-roll.
She’s watching me, obviously waiting for an explanation. God, why does she care? No one ever has before.
“It wouldn’t be hard, I mean, I’m not addicted or anything. ”
She laughs and suddenly I’m trying to ignore how good it sounds.
“Isn’t that what all addicts say?”
Judging by the look on her face, I know that wasn’t the answer she wanted.. so I stopped sugar coating it.
“I just don’t stop because I’d rather kill myself in a way that’s more..socially accepted. People don’t notice as much- they call me a smoker, not suicidal. I like it that way.
In the moment i was trying to kill myself it was scary because nothing else mattered. Nothing flashed through my mind except the idea that this was it. That’s what’s so scary about depression it makes you think nothing else matters even if you have the world.