im dont talking now

man I’m so invested in my friendships here on tumblr that now that I’m back in school I feel like I’m just vanishing or being left behind and it stinks

dear christian-

you taught me that loving myself was the most important thing. so thank you for that.

i was 12 and you were 15. you were my best friend, and my soulmate, but the friend kind of soulmate. we talked everyday over the summer of 2012, at least until 3 am. you would tell me you loved me, and how much you wished we could meet. i wished we could have too. You sent me this cute little paragraph one day, listing stuff that you love about me. it made me cry. sometimes i still read it.

flash forward 3 years. now im 15, and you’re 18.

we dont talk. i dont know if you even remember my name. but christian mergl, i still think about you every single day. every single damn day, and its been three years since you tore my heart in half. its been three long years, and i cant stay up until midnight without thinking about our nights awake together. i cant sleep. i hate you so damn much. but i cant help but love you all the same.

i still hope the best for you though. i hope you’ve recovered from all of your battles and scars. i hope life is going well and that youre in love. i hope that you stopped smoking, and i hope your healthy.

i hope the very best for you, and i dont know if you even remember my name.

god. you helped me through so much. all of the shit i was going through. you made me happy, Christian. when i was at a point where i found no purpose in life, i found you.

and now youre gone.

love,

kel

im really excited about nu’ests comeback you guys im really excited!! likE REALLY EXCITED! IM SO EXCITED NU’EST IS COMING BACK! YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW EXCITED JUST LIKE REALLY REALLY EXCITED SO EXCITED!!! OHMYGOD IM SUPER EXCITED!! 

And you’d never expect,
the way it turns out.
For the sun may shine for a moment,
but the clouds roll in too soon.
For when a rose is at its most beautiful,
it begins to wilt.
And when you take a breath,
it has to be released.
Everything has to end.
But you fight, you fight.
You promise yourself it won’t happen.
That it will last.
You promise yourself that the inevitable
is simply something that does not apply.


For a promise is a promise,
Until its a lie.

—  Lost Letters in Lost Hands

I can’t even catch a break without doing something wrong. ugh. I just.

when fall out boy first got off the hiatus i heard my songs know what you did in the dark on the radio and there was this guy i knew who really liked it and told me it was his favorite song and i had heard of them before and hated a few of their new songs so i said “you know what fuck this im going to listen to their new record and not like it” and i loved it and thats indirectly what got me into my emo phaseᵀᴹ

when ur straight guy friend always manages to get onto the topic of some girl he’s talking to/interested in this week/calls when he’s drunk

so i tried coming out to one of my friends yesterday and I thought it was gonna be kinda easy but i was about to fucking throw up :)

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