im certain people have said this before but i need to tell u how i feel

on advice for those with mental illness

so inb4 i get slapped with “we cant all be neurotypical KAREN” ill preface this with the fact that i have severe depression, generalized anxiety disorder, moderate to severe OCD (more along the hoarder spectrum), and ADHD. all diagnosed. i deal with childhood sexual trauma as well. my experience is not universal, but it is not in the slightest neurotypical.

so learning how to grow and start healing fucking sucks. it really does. at a certain point it gets easier to just stay in your downward spiral. i get it, i totally do. ive been there for over 10 years (im 21 at the time im making this) and its taken me years of therapy and personal work to get to where i am now. i would consider myself stable at best, but its leagues better than where i used to be. part of that is just being lucky with recent life events, but much of it is me actively working on my mental illness.

cognitive behavioral therapy helps a fuckton. part of that is exposure therapy. it starts with little things. FORCE urself to go outside sometimes. FORCE urself to let something be “clean enough” or “good enough.” you dont have to personally handwash dishes you want to use to know theyre clean. let something be imperect, but start small. FORCE urself to look into someones eyes when u talk to them, or at least look at their mouth. a lot of the early work is about breaking out of your habits, your spiral. and it is work, absolutely. i know executive disfunction and lack of spoons/energy very well. starting small and succeeding tells your brain that you CAN do it.

i also have impulsive, intrusive thoughts. that sort of this is common but for me, its nearly every second of the day. when you start to understand that these thoughts ARENT yours, that obsessions have a cause you can point to, it starts to get easier. often i get thoughts of screaming nasty, racist, homophobic, transphobic things and it used to terrify me!! i used to think that those thoughts defined me or were some sort of “secret personality” of who i actually am. theyre not. theyre just shitty things that you hear and see from other people and your brain KNOWS you dont like them. but things that you KNOW are wrong are very often subjects of intrusive thoughts, especially for OCD. these thoughts arent who i am, and even tho i have to fight to not let that impulse take over, its much easier when you know WHY things happen.

ive been in therapy for years and i only recently told my psychiatrist about my ocd spectrum symptoms. that shit happens. it can be hard to trust someone until youve known them for YEARS. i never even told anyone about that facet of my mental illness until about a month before i told him during a session. my parents dont even know yet (unless they still check out my blog in which case HEY MOM i have ocd but im working on it real good also sorry about all the furries ily)

i have control issues. pretty bad ones. ones where i feel the need to control every aspect of my own life and those of people close to me. ive learned how to talk to people to get what i want from them. ive spent years working on not acting on them. i give people free reign to do what they need to do and offer to help when i can. i make a point to feel the mood of a room and go along with it. i make a point to involve other people in teaching me abt things that they like. being supportive and patient is hard for me, but it makes other ppl feel welcome around me. its probably for an ultimate selfish reason (i feel good that people like me and feel safe around me) but who cares!!! everything in life is selfish. being alive and continuing to live is a selfish act. but its not bad.

its been commonly said that your initial thoughts dont define who you are, but what your words/actions end up being (barring certain mental illnesses that prevent that ofc). the moment my therapist told me that theres things in my life that i cannot control, that there doesnt HAVE to be a reason for everything, it kickstarted the best, healthiest moment of my life. and im definitely not saying that you NEED a therapist/psych to start healing. honestly, that shit he told
me is really simple in basic. but you need to learn how to reach out and ask for help. ask anybody you feel comfortable with for help. getting help does not make me weak, it means i have the capacity for growth.

HEALTHY coping mechanisms will overcome unhealthy ones. youve probably been learning and using healthy ways to cope since you were young and just didnt realize it. think about the way you currently deal with your illness and be proud of it! good and bad! youve survived, and youre still surviving! youre not lazy, or difficult, or a bad person; you just have much more work and effort to put in to do the seemingly basic things that neurotypicals do. you and i work so hard to get to the bare minimum that its exhausting. you have to keep pushing your limits, and i dont mean you have to start yoga (fuck that my brain doesnt slow down enough for that) or run every week (im not there yet either) but just start working on one thing. even if that one, tiny thing takes a month, guess the fuck what!! you did it! you improved, you grew, you started HEALING. the words grow and heal might seem a little cliche and overused, but thats exactly what it feels like.

drink more water, being hydrated makes you feel better. try to eat healthier (mashed potatoes are suuuper easy to make btw u dont even need exact proportions to make delicious tates that YOU made. hmu if u wanna know what i do), youll feel less lethargic over time. stand up a few minutes every 1-3 hours, youll be surprised how much it helps. yes, these sound like neurotypical points of advice, but im there with you. these things DO help. they dont cure you, but they can help expand the base of things you fine yourself able to do.

TL;DR for other ADHD folks: growing as a person is hard. it takes work, actually difficult work. start small. you can do it. eat a potato. thank you.

VINYL (EXBOYFRIEND!CALUM AU) - PART THREE

+mobile masterlist 

parts; (one) (two) (three)



summary: calum applies to the record shop you work at, seeking forgiveness and, possibly, a second chance.

word count: 1,096

warnings: swearing and mentions of abortion


When Calum was 15, he broke his knee in the middle of a football match. The Maori boy was dribbling the ball as near as he can get to the net and trying his hardest to run from the other team that were chasing after him. He doesn’t remember much, but next thing he knew, he kicked the ball into the goal.

The crowd erupted into cheers. The 15 year old was the first freshman in his school’s history to ever do a winning goal; that fact alone made him giddy and unrelentingly happy, but before he could scream in victory with them, he fell onto his back.

It seemed as if the adrenaline coursing through his veins momentarily distracted him from the popping sound he had heard. As soon as the noise came and his teammates ran after him with gracious smiles on his face, he felt it.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

analyse who's your daddy please. i need it.

“im about to analyze it to death be ready fools” that is the best and most exciting thing i’ve ever seen you write

i feel like “let’s never have kids” implies a “together” and i’m feeling emotionally overwhelmed about how casually they say things like this now :“)

just wanted to acknowledge all of these messages bc they made me lol :’) ok goodness. this video. wow. there’s a lot here. i’m just gonna focus on the shit that made me do immense double takes and actually go (similar to the third anon) ‘wth how are they saying this stuff so casually?? ?? what?’ there was a lot of that during this vid. i’m v shook.

first and foremost wtf @ their seeming indifference towards making sexual innuendos that involve each other. wtf @ their subtly destroying heteronormativity by lookin’ at the dad’s hot pink dildo and being relatively cool with it? apart from a bit of a chuckle from dan, they barely reacted? and wtf @ dan saying ‘we’re not kink roleplaying … YET’ like it was nbd? that would’ve literally given everyone a heart attack not even a year ago. similarly at the close of the video he says “if you want to see more father-son simulator, if that’s the kind of weird phan roleplay you’re into” and i actually squeaked???? ? when’s the last time either of them have even said the word “phan,” as a reference to their ship name, out loud, let alone on one of their main channels? but more than that, there wasn’t any of the usual attempt at hard-core shaming the audience for being into that sort of fantasy or for presuming that he and phil could ever be in a sexual situation together. for lack of a better way to phrase it, dan didn’t ‘no homo’ the idea of him sexually roleplaying w phil beyond the use of the word ‘weird’–and that was directly aimed at the kink, not the idea of sexual roleplay w phil generally?? if anything he just seemed amused by it. he didn’t call anyone pervs for thinking about it, he went out of his way to say it in the first place,,,, i can’t emphasize enough how much of a progression that is? ??? ?? i don’t really know why i am surprised since they’ve clearly relaxed their boundaries with us ever since the latter half of last year, but like. i’m surprised. it was noteworthy. i’m so happy about it. 

on a similar yet totally unrelated note, dan saying “philly doesn’t understand wasd,” towards the start of the vid is such an incredible example of how good they are at gradually normalizing certain things w their audience until they become completely unremarkable. the use of ‘philly’ as a nickname esp on dapg has escalated a lot in the past few months but really they’ve been seeding it for like nearly two years now. at this point it’s just soooo normal that most people don’t pick up on it? but it’s another example of something that even a year ago would’ve caused a lot of people to hyperventilate and pass out. today, however, i’ve seen literally zero posts or comments on the video about it. they’re so, so good at this–at slowly doing things that initially cause an uproar and then very rapidly become a normal thing bc of frequency. (another example, at least for me, is dan’s wavy hair lately. he’s been wearing it wavy so much that i honestly didn’t even notice till like 7 mins in that it wasn’t straightened. and then when i rewatched an old dapg vid just now i couldn’t believe how straight his hair usually was in the past!!! hope he sticks with the soft n’ wavy/thin gold earring rebrand idea for 2017 bc he looks amazing) 

obvi the biggest thing in this video though (let’s not even try to pretend otherwise) was all of the discussion of parenting and, specifically, co-parenting. together. having children. together. as a unit. wow. i honestly don’t really know how to adequately communicate how excited this makes me? ?? ? similarly to the sexual innuendo stuff, it’s crazy how far they’ve come in a relatively short span of time. they’re at the point where they can make comments like ‘maybe it will teach us how to be real parents,’ and ‘you’re an even worse dad than me,’ and ‘let’s never be parents’ (let. US. never. be. parents. [together].) to their audience without a second thought. and before all u doubters come crawlin’ out of ur anti caves to tell me that they could be talking about being parents individually with other partners …. … no?  i really don’t think they were. not the least bc it would hardly make sense for them to say things like ‘wow let us never be parents in our future separate lives with other partners ha!’ but also bc right after two of the biggest co-parenting comments (‘let’s never be parents’ and then my personal fav: ‘in hindsight, are we good parents?’) they start talking about the sims. phil even says ‘i can’t believe dil and dab have survived OUR parenting.’ it’s jst so demonstrative of the fact that they are thinking about parenting TOGETHER and i honestly couldn’t believe how open they were about that. which brings me to the moment towards the end when dan says “so in hindsight are we good parents?” i screenshotted the look that phil gave dan after and rb’ed a gif of it because … wth. it’s so fleeting. but it felt so important? there’s something so different about the way phil looks at dan right after saying ‘no. we’re terrible,’ almost as though he wants to check to see how dan reacts or as though he is just caught up in the softness of the idea of them having children at all. he gives this little breathy laugh and their eye contact there is so soft and so cute and so noteworthy bc it feels like something we weren’t really even meant to see. it feels like phil displaying his inner feelings a bit more than he normally would feel comfortable with. it was such a telling little moment for me (fully aware that i sound a bit crazy but like,,, whatever). 

also. bonus. phil noting the size of the garden then immediately wondering how much it costs … .. .. …. seems like someone’s mind is conditioned towards house hunting. just a thought. 

Set It Off - the story of trap!mork

If there’s one thing Mork Tuna knows how to do - it’s survive in these streets.

If you’re in some trouble, who ya gonna call? No, not the Ghostbusters bitch. Mork fucking Tuna.

If he doesn’t leave your ass on read receipt first.

~ the most action packed lit ass story of our generation…..based off this dream I just had about mork tuna with some drug money in the strip club. (gifs aint mine but the story sure is)

(I recommend playing Nicki Minaj’s Beez In The Trap for this shit)

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Headcanon on types for the boys? Specifically Akira and Goro but anyone else you want to :o(also thanks for turning on Anon >w<)

hokay since i’ve gotten a huge influx of asks over the past. like. 24 hours, i’m just gonna do akira and goro here but if y’all want more feel free to ask me!

(also: unless i get a bunch of asks telling me to kill myself or some garbage like that, i’m never turning off anon. i know what it’s like to be shy & want to stay anonymous for requests like this.)

akira

  • ok so akira would never really claim to have a type like
  • honestly if you were to ask this question to his face he’d just look at you funny
  • “type?? what r u talking about??”
  • he really loves p much all kinds of people, there’s no physical or personal trait that’s really a deciding factor for him or that tells him “yes that. that is the kind of person i want to be dating.”
  • it just kind of happens.
  • there are CERTAIN trends tho like
  • he really loves to fluster his s/o so there’s a good chance he’ll go for someone who’s easy to rile up like that
  • someone who can fill long silences between them, also, because he can be kind of quiet but he can sit and listen to people talk for ages. he just likes listening, likes the fact that people trust him with their words. even if it’s nervous chatter, it’s still their thoughts.
  • people who are passionate also grab his interest like, even if he’s got no idea what they’re talking about he’ll still listen and be like entirely enraptured because they’re just so ENTHUSIASTIC about it.
  • LOOK i know it sounds kind of generic but i see akira as someone who can really see the beauty in everyone so
  • say what you will

akechi

  • so i’ve said before that this kid cares about his public image
  • and that also kind of carries over into his “type”
  • (this is more talking about b4 spoilers occur, folks. he’d be a lot more genuine to his own feelings in an after-game scenario)
  • generally he dates people who are…conventionally attractive to japanese media?
  • fashion-forward, generally, pale, dark hair, etc
  • honestly if this boy follows his heart god knows where it will lead, but as long as he’s got a choice about it he’s probably going to pick someone who will look good with him on camera
  • he most readily goes for someone who is confident, who can handle the media backlash that happens whenever he’s rumored to be dating someone
  • but insecurities aren’t a turn-off, honestly, because he knows how that goes. intimately. way better than he should.
  • kindness goes a long way, also. he just can’t stand to be in the presence of someone who is hateful for longer than he absolutely has to
  • someone who has a life of their own, also, who can be busy and doesn’t need to cling to him constantly
klance art school au

klance art school au cause i l o v e this idea

also just an fyi this is super long because i have no idea how to shorten anything

  • keith got in on an art scholarship. the only reason he chose this school was because shiro recommended it to him
  • lance was one of those kids that always knew he was gonna be an artist and when it came down to choosing a school, there were so many he just. flipped a coin. what to heck lance
  • they end up as roommates, and are immediately at each other’s throats. keith thinks lance is too messy, lance thinks keith has a paintbrush up his ass or something
  • they also absolutely cannot agree on a medium to work in
  • (hints at adhd lance) anyways lance cant just pick one medium to work in so he has basically anything you could ever need ever. ink block printing? check. specifically water soluble oil paints? theyre probably somewhere. if its in an art store hes buying it
  • keith works in predominantely charcoal which terrifies lance. usually the most he does for color is just a red wash over his pieces. whenever he does paint, he would literally fight someone on oil paints vs acrylics
  • lance is the kind of artist that doesnt own a single piece of clothing without paint on it, usually has pigment on his hands/face, and probably has a 72 piece marker set on him at all times, just in case. pencils behind his ears, paintbrushes in his pockets, the works
  • this drives keith  n u t s
  • keith only works at his desk, and nothing ever leaves that desk. including him. this kid is always working wtf. his supplies are all neat and he would rather lay down in traffic than leave his workplace messy
  • so anyways, theyre getting into the semester, and they have their figure drawing class together, and theyre both pissed about this fact, and are absolutely certain that the other guy is just gonna piss them off so much that they dont know how this is gonna work
  • lance would rather admit that a mullet is a good hairstyle than let keith be the one that keeps him from going to class, and he bets keith wont be able to do it. keith is ready to #fite 24/7 so when lance said that he just. bolted out the door. he was going to get there first. this leads to a very loud race across the campus
  • but unfortunately they both have poor time management skills (theyre artists what do u expect) and had spent so much time arguing before they left that when they get to the class, there’s only 2 easels left. right next to each other. they agree to disagree, and decide to just ignore each other
  • the class starts smoothly enough, but WHOOP the model is a guy, and when he strips to start doing the poses, lance loses whatever shred of professionalism he had and squeaks, and keith is no better off
  • they share a look that says “oh no he’s HOT” and go through the entire class bright red
  • this leads to a sort of truce
  • they still dont get along too well, but now keith will go to lance because he needs colored pencils, and lance tries to clean up as best as he can, but its hard, sue him
  • and a sort of tentative friendship develops
  • so time passes and theyve learned how to handle each other, and they have another class together. when they show up to the class, the professor gives the class a project; they have to recreate someome or something important to them in the medium they think suits the subject best
  • lance’s mind immediately jumps to his family, but when he looks over to keith, soft hair falling over his face, chewing on the end of a pencil, it hits him
  • his first reaction is to be insulted that its KEITH of all people, moody and broody keith, who gripes about lance’s mess, who has a MULLET for gods sake, but its also the keith that nodded his head when lance told him he was bisexual, who answered “im gay”, keith who distracts him with bad jokes and chipped nail polish and stupid bets, and he decides its ok
  • keith on the other hand is completely lost. the only family he really had was shiro, and the only thing really important to him was simply art, but he figured a lot of people were doing that
  • and back in their dorm, when they’re both working, and keith needs a very specific marker, and lance gives it to him without thinking, he stops
  • lance, who insists on being his rival, who is constantly picking on keith and calling him out, but its also lance that gives him obscure materials, doesnt push him about his past, who sings in the shower but its grounding and keith accepts it
  • this leads to very bad attempts at drawing the other when hes not looking
  • i hope you never have to draw someone when they keep moving its impossible
  • its been weeks and the project is due soon, lance is out, and keith stayed back to work. when he ends up needing some different markers because none of them are the right blue of lance’s eyes, he heads over to his desk
  • it looks like a warzone
  • keith spends almost 5 minutes trying to find the markers, and he stumbles across lance’s sketchbook
  • lo and behold its filled with drawings of him, and keith’s initial reaction is to freak out, but he realizes that it must mean lance feels the same way, and he’s elated and a little terrified, but he’s never been one to sit around, and decides to tell lance when he gets back
  • when lance shows up, keith doesnt even end up saying anything, just shoving his open sketchbook into lance’s arms
  • and as lance flips through his face lights up, because keith feels the same way  and he’s so excited  and this poor noodle cant think through something to save his life, and he just smooches keith
  • keith is 100% behind this
  • keith ends up doing his final piece in as many mediums as he possibly can
  • lance does his in charcoal with a red wash
  • they both pass

anonymous asked:

LOOOOng ask ahead. So I was going through your ask joon blog, which is super cute, and I came across a post where joon says he likes drawing and stuff. And that made me remember that actual namjoon is not that great at drawing. But see it got me thinking, why do we make fanfictions or AUs about real people. Because as I see it, we don’t know these people through and through. Obviously celebrities keep some part of their life private. And yet [1]

yet in fanfiction we assign these characteristics to them, either exaggerating or diminishing their qualities to fit whatever we need it to be. And I understand why sometimes people would want to see a person a certain way, but that’s kinda your private ideas, keep them to yourselves, not spread them around. Like how in so many fics namjin ar so soft and pure and angsty and smexy, when in reality they are just two normal guys who do normal things and chill out. Im not trying to be all [2]

HETRO HETRO HETRO, im just saying that whatever their actual orientations may be fanfiction will always be off and incorrect because these are real people who are not ‘open to interpretation’ like fictional characters. And that sort of resonates with my problem for AUs as well. As much as Im a sucker for AU fanfictions there is still something that bothers me. I once asked a ReaderXBTS fic writer how it didn’t feel like going too far by writing smuts about BTS members who are(once again) [3]

) actual living people, and I think the answer I got was that ;but you know we aren’t really thinking its them you know…’ which aside from being sort of against the point of a reader insert fic, gives off the vibe that you literally could have created your own character to put in this story but you are just randomly using their names and some habits to give the impression of a certain person but not actually claim responsibility for it. I hope I don’t [4]

offend by using your blog as an example, but your ‘joon’ and actual namjoon are different people, but it feels as if you’ve borrowed his identity for some cutesy fin drawing (which they are no doubt, cute and funny). If these weird ramblings don’t make sense to you here’s a question. Why do people not want BTS to discover their fanfics, why does it embarrass them. Is it because they know that there is something wrong with writing [5]

fics about real people? What are your thoughts? And Im really hoping that you don’t give me a crap response like ‘They are celebrities, they should kinda expect it, it comes with the job’ because Im holding you to a higher standard [end]

lmao ‘long’ indeed XD

Ok let’s start slowly and get some things out of the way. Firstly, please don’t worry, I don’t mind you using my stuff as an example, so don’t feel concerned about that, it’s all good :D 

The reason people wouldn’t want BTS (or whoever else it may be) to find their fics are numerous and all quite different. But generally it’s because they’re fictional and therefore obviously made up and not representing the actual people properly, not to mention it involves the writer’s own little fantasy so it’s embarrassing. Some reasons are: fics containing ships, fics containing personality types pulled to the extreme, not to mention all the smut, kinks, mpreg(why is this a thing) and all very explicit at that. 

So there’s that. 

I agree with you when you say that x Reader fics not actually portraying that actual person is hypocritical. Cuz it’s true. It is. Like that’s the purpose of a x Reader fic/scenario. But that’s also why I really really dislike x Reader fics/scenarios and avoid them like the plague.

Back to normal fics… I think there’s a few more layers to understand for this.

I’ll tell you what my and my friend’s view on this is, because we’ve talked about it before. 

First of all, in real life, Rap Monster and Namjoon are two different people. V and Taehyung, Suga and Yoongi, etc etc. what you see on TV, on your phone, on stage is not the real person. That’s, unfortunately, not something a lot of people seem to understand, but that is the truth. We as fans don’t know them now and probably will never know them, because when a camera in on, so is this little mask that everyone with that kind of lifestyle needs in order to keep sane. 
In that way, what a lot of fans actually fall in love with isn’t the person,, but the idea of that person. And that’s what’s being portrayed in fics as well. Not the person itself, but the idea. What’s in fics isn’t Namjoon, but Rap Moster. Except everyone calls him Namjoon because imagine reading an intense moment and seeing Rap Monster I think I’d burst out laughing.

So that’s one thing. Secondly, “why use them instead of original characters?”. Well… why make fanart? People write and draw about people or characters because they like them and it’s fun. 
Another reason is because it’s easier to insert a person/character that the reader already has an image of in a scenario. Because then you don’t need to waste time on describing hings about them, because people already know, so you can more quickly get into your story.
There’s an extra layer too and that’s because of exposure. You have ideas, if you write or draw something for the first time the chances of people seeing your work is scarcely close to zero. But if you adapt your idea to fit in with a show, or with characters or with people that already have a following, the chance of your work being seen by others immediately skyrockets. A lot of people read fanfiction. A lot of people like seeing art about their favorites. Whether people like to admit it or not, or whether they even did it unknowingly or not, the fact of the matter is that you as a creator have way of a bigger chance of getting your stuff known if you do it within a fandom. Of course, not everyone does it because of that, but it’s a thought for quite a few people, tho I think that’s more in art than writing. 

There’s also the very easy reason of: It’s fun.

I don’t think it’s wrong to write fict starring celebrities. I think it’s fun and cute and a great release for a lot of people. I think some people push it a bit far, but that’s also mainly just because of my personal preferences. 

There’s plenty of people who are well aware of the fanfics and who’ve actually read a few. Fr example Zico and really everyone in Block B made fun of it one time, Zico talked about some smut ones and even commented that they were too soft lmao. I’m pretty sure they would consider it a milestone to find fanfiction XD

So yeah… don’t think too much about it anon.

Correct.

Who should the miscellaneous pair be for the next post? No suggestions means I use the default.

But here’s this! Definitely no smut this time!

.

.

.

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“Do you like me?”

Everyone froze mid-step. Ino and Sakura had been arm in arm, headed towards the Yamanaka home to relax after the group’s outing. Shikamaru and Choji had been on the verge of starting a conversation, their destination not yet decided. Naruto, Lee, and Sai were headed back to Naruto’s apartment to play card games for a bit. Hinata and her teammates along with Neji and Tenten were discussing where they wanted to go, but now they had stopped like everyone else, staring at Sasuke, who had caused the outburst in the first place.

And he was glaring at Hinata.

He hadn’t meant to say anything.

He and Hinata started out as people who happened to be around each other when their friends hung out. Then they became people who ran into each other almost everywhere they went. Then they became people who actively hung out, but they always seemed to be secret about it. And maybe he will admit they had their moments – moments where they touched or looked at each other by accident and for some reason it didn’t feel like just a touch or just a look. Sometimes their words of greeting and departure weren’t just words. Sometimes their time together wasn’t simply because they were bored and wanted to hang out. Sometimes they had moments that would determine whether or not they were just two people who hung out together, but she always blushed and put distance between them. He always huffed and brushed it off.

But they had held hands under the table tonight.

It was crowded, and they were smushed together, and she didn’t shy away when his hand accidentally landed on hers. He didn’t pull away when she wrapped her hand around his. Neither of them broke eye contact when they met, and there was no way they were just stares.

Keep reading

so in honor of me seeing hamilton last monday im going to compile a list of all my fave moments/things i distinctly remember. i can organize it between act 1 and 2 but beyond that no promises. also spoiler alert (?)

-so they dont have curtains and the lights just get dark and the music plays but it’s still relatively dark and burr wears dark clothes so when he casually walks out it’s really surreal that it’s starting

-cjack got more applause in the opening number than hamilton. people clapped every time he opened his mouth in act 1

-thayne was u/s for laurens and in aaron burr sir he went to lean on burr but he wasn’t looking and burr was a lil too far and he almost fell over

-thayne tripped in my shot he kept falling i felt so bad for him

-elizabeth judd was the first ensemble member to put on a dress and it was amazing shes gorgeous

-they all are

-how does rory keep a straight face people don’t stop laughing

-he goes why so sad and then frowns and like sinks down w his whole body

-“im so blue” *stomps on stage to change lighting from red to blue*

-andrew chapelle was herc and his hair poked out of his beanie just a lil bit it was great

-not on soundtrack: the extra whoas into story of tonight and herc’s “let’s have another round gentlemen”

-also not: the marching cadence to get kgiii offstage that stops as he eliminates a patriot

-angelica and peggy are always in the rafters, peggy more than angelica and they dance along to the songs

-guns and ships: jasmine was shaking her arms, renée was twerking (or as much as u can in 18th century dress)

-jasmine was wearing shiny earrings and was just really pretty in general

-idk if this is a dance move but in satisfied it went “number one” and the whole female ensemble dabbed for a split second

-charles lee: gets shot, falls halfway across the stage, gun goes skidding. calm down charles. u survive

-battle of yorktown straight up gives you chills like damn

-winter’s ball/helpless and satisfied legit have the same choreography it’s just how long they are in certain locations it’s really well done

-at the end of right hand man they’re all behind gwash and then everyone walks away except burr who steps forward to be pissed off abt ham in winters ball

-dear theodosia is hijacked by ham. eliza steps in the back at the end and i started crying bc she has the letter from south carolina

-in nonstop he says he was chosen for the constitutional convention and his voice gets high and he shakes his hands and arms like straight up fangirling about the govt a. ham is the og leslie knope

-at the end of nonstop everyone is surrounding him and singing and he walks up the movable staircase to meet gwash and it ends

-BUT during intermission tech crew put it back then rolled it back to the middle like wyd tech ???

-speaking of tech there was a malfunction w burrs mic and they fixed it without like the majority of the audience noticing it or stopping the show (i only noticed bc thats what i do when i tech) like the tech crew is amazing ??? and no one every really says that ??? do u know how hard it is to fix a mic in the middle or a show ??? really fucking hard props to them

-also tech crew doesnt give two shits during intermission theyll walk across that stage w a laundry basket u can fight them

-one of the ushers was walking around asking people to take selfies w him

-theres a draft in the rafters and it blows on a letter and jasmine’s dress and it’s really distracting but that’s okay it’s probably their air conditioning

ACT TWO
-an ensemble member (neill that night i think) pops out of the conductor’s pit at the beginning of what’d i miss

-tjeffs spends more time bouncing than he does walking no wonder he needs that cane

-ham literally shoves himself in between gwash and tjeffs and inserts his hand into jeffersons when he introduces himself

-an ensemble member helps tjeffs off the staircase and he wipes his hand after the contact

-in the cabinet battles gwash, tjeffs, and ham all have personal microphones. im surprised tjeffs didnt have rhinestones on it

-at the end of cabinet battle #1 tjeffs drops his mic into madisons hand (im proud of them for protecting their mics) and madison KEEPS IT SAFE FOR HIM until the next cabinet battle

-cjack broke character bc when he went to tell hamilton to take a walk michael luwoye was halfway across the stage and he started laughing people were confused, i laughed at him

-the hamilton household has different rooms distinguishable by lighting which is actually really rad and eliza has to walk to the back of the stage to go “up the staircase”

-philip is really nervous for the forst half of his rap but then gets into it. like really

-angelica has an umbrella when she is reciting her comma letter

-the foyer of their house is downstage and when angelica arrives the light extends to where she’s standing it’s a p big foyer and as i said before: the whole lighting of the dif rooms was hella rad

-say no to this hamilton is alone at his desk in the middle of the light and the turntables. the outer one has the lamposts and mariah starts to walk around

-side note jasmine is perfect and her dress is. so red

-james reynolds is a cocky dick youve probs seen the pictures of him but he’s always walking with his faux swagger and i hate him. so much

-mariahs house is in the balcony on sr based on where she was looking

-when ham gets mad at her abt the letter she gets on her knees in front of him and holds his hands and looks down and it’s really sad and he rips his hands away then walks downstage and she follows him after some aggressive hip/dress movements that idk how to explain w words

-“when her body’s on mine i do not say no” she’s sitting on his knee and he’s sitting on a chair wth kind of affair

-if you have seen wicked and the song where elphaba’s mother has an affair ?? it’s nothing like that. at all. that’s what i had always pictured though

-at the end when ham agrees to pay reynolds, he walks offstage and mariah looks like she’s going to stay but HE SNAPS HIS WHIP AND SHE RUNS AFTER HIM. i feel so bad for her she needed help i hate ham

-they just continue the show as if nothing happened and you’re like. dying inside. it hurts a bit to look at eliza and philip in schuyler defeated ham sucks they deserved better

-ANYWAYS in the room where it happens you see the whole repeated choreography motif as it shows burr, madison, and jefferson in their thought processes leading up to that night and then taking hamilton away from the dinner so he can piss off burr

-also in cabinet battle #1 burr is in the rafters so technically he WAS in the room where it happened

-congres is fighting over where to put the capital, yet they all shouted virginia, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

-when ham says “you get nothing if you wait for it” to burr he’s really irritated and shakes his shoulders as if he could get burr away from him and does lil quotation movements if i was burr is be angry too

-the burr dance in room where it happens, like the big one, he was using his hands to make his coat flap more

-cabinet battle #2 madison hands tjeffs his microphone (which had been kept INSIDE HIS JACKET) and hamilton retrieves his from the special case

-when he pretends he’s king louis’ head he put his hand on his head as if he was holding it up by the hair

-tjeffs is about to walk offstage but burr is singing “it must be nice” and he just HAS to gice his input

-they r all jumping as they say southern mother fucking democratic republicans

-tjeffs hands gwash his letter of resignation as he walks offstage after washington on your side

-ham is reading a bunch of papers but puts them all down in favor of reading tjeffs’ letter of resignation

-the f ensemble has their corsets and legging things and female overcoats but no dresses in one last time and it’s probably my favorite look bc as they do their dancing it falls around their legs more and i love it

-kgiii walks on stage and is disgusted to be near gwash

-he is told the next president and goes WHAT like really monotone and loud then tells the ensemble member (kamille) to go away

-at the end of his song he sits downstage sr on a stool and makes kamille move the stool. he stays there until hamilton screams motherfucker

-speaking of which he’s holding a stack of papers the size of abt 5-6 harry potter and the order of the phoenix’s and drops the stack from the top rafter like g e e z

-jefferson’s WHAAAAT and he like bounces over to burr to look at the letter

-ham keeps the letter in a drawer that i didnt notice until then but is like on the wall ????

-hurricane lighting is rad. ham is in the middle surrounded by a blue ring of light that looks like wind or waves

-at one point a lot of ppl are on the turntable slowly doing their thing: reynolds is being a dick, mariah is transporting the quill to ham, and burr is there. why is he there. he was just reading a book

-mariah hands ham the quill over his shoulder and is there to support him even though he didnt support her i feel bad for her have i said that

-the reynolds pamphlet: aka everyone has a pamphlet. where did they come from ??? i followed jasmine across the stage she only had the quill yet she had a pamphlet as soon as the song started. magic

-james reynolds is back this time to be all proud of himself when he is mentioned

-thayne slowly backs up into jevon, careful not to fall or trip again

-philip finds out via madison and jefferson (and burr a lil bit) he looks up at hamilton and you can see he is crushed. ham watches as he runs offstage

-reynolds pamphelt is chaotic but fun to watch. angelica is savage. she arrives from london by walking under some peoples suitcases

-at the end ham is surrounded by people throwing pamplets on him. kgiii helps and does some Classic White Person Dance Moves

-they must throw abt a hundred papers but they are all gone by the end of the song. magic

-they set up burn and the juxtaposition of the sadness if burn w the fact that neill was doing some insane dance moves as he put the fire bucket down was weird

-burn is quiet. we are sad. eliza is perfect

-philip stands in the middle of the theater to shout at eacker in the balcony jesus christ can you try NOT to make a scene

-you think you’d care if you were shooting someone but eacker is extremely indifferent

-eliza screams. im sure you know this but if u weren’t already crying then you are then

-renée is amazing her it’s quiet uptown is amazing how does she not break down how is it so perfect

-after eliza forgives him they just stand in the middle of the stage. crying. my heart is broken in actually going to cry just remembering it

-madison is wiping away tears when he says please in election of 1800

-it’s dead silent when burr says “i learned that from u” and i heard the crinkle of the paper when he gave hamilton is pamphlet

-“gave” more like forced upon. hams arms were crossed and he put it on his chest burr was so smug and excited abt winning sorry fam but no

-hamiltons big announcement is in the rafters. it’s funny how earlier when people wanted to listen to him he was downstage but in act two and he was posting unwelcome letters or responses they put him in the rafters which is where lee was when he talked abt washington in stay alive. hmmmmm

-so jasmine was in the rafters in your obedient servant and i was looking at her until burr literally screamed “then STAND, alexander” and i got a lil scared

-burr said “this man has poisoned my political pursuits” instead of “this man is poisoned by political pursuits” was it on purpose or not ?????

-“we were near the same spot my son died” philip is there. hamilton runs to him

-sasha #thebullet is the bullet in other songs but in the world was wide enough it’s really distinct. burr shoots the gun and she follows its path slowly across the stage during hamilton’s monologue. this is in a straight line as the turntables turn. they choreography is reminiscent of previous songs in the musical. he goes in the middle like he did for his my shot monologue and the ensemble is around him. the bullet is coming towards him. “im running out of time, im running…” he runs away from the bullet which is center stage at this point. gwash salutes him. laurens looks on from the stairs. when he speaks of eliza she is standing between him and burr as if she’d thrown herself in front of him to take the bullet. he’s surrounded by the whole cast and then suddenly theyre gone

-he is shot, he hunches over (philip had done the same and was places on a table)

-the music is slow now, we can hear the turntables. we are shocked. we knew it was coming but we are shocked

-burr is sad. we are sad. wlwdwtys plays

-eliiiiiiiza

-at the end of the song she cant wait to see him again and they walk in a heartshape to meet

-everyone is in storyteller clothes again, even rory

-ham leads her center stage, she looks out and up, gasps and it goes dark

-i got chills just remembering all this

On Creator-Control

Please bear with me as this post will get long. I might not be a huge authority on the subject (so if anyone would like to expound or correct me, please go ahead) but this was written from the connections of my brain ^^;

Now I don’t want to stir up the fandom or anything, but I’m starting to see some patterns occurring with this whole spoiler fiasco going on. Now I don’t want to jump into any conclusions but…

I feel like ML doesn’t deserve the treatment it’s been getting from Zagtoons.

First we have slapped-on “luxury” designs that don’t look like they’re worth half their prices.

Then we have this incredible slew of spoilers that are being released without the original creator, Thomas Astruc’s consent. 

This is poor treatment of creative work if I ever saw it. 

There are some companies that allow their creators almost full control of their material and how much is talked about before episodes air. We see Gravity Falls, how Alex Hirsch was allowed to end the show in only two seasons and let their fans theorize about (spoiler!) Stan’s twin for idek how long before they finally actually confirmed it. Then there’s Avatar/LOK  where Bryke had control over their material designs like DVDs and books for example. 

We didn’t get full-blown information regarding future events until they actually happened and theories were confirmed in these shows.

This isn’t happening with Zag.

Instead, we’re getting massive spoilers over who gets what kwami, what miraculous, what villains are showing up. Now there aren’t as much plot details and some people would probably tell me to be thankful it’s not worse than it is. But consider that Thomas Astruc himself does not let slip any of this information to the public when asked. Yet the guy who told him he could make ML famous decides it’s a good idea to throw out information in order to get the fans excited.

Oh, the fans got excited alright. But it also divided them. 

Here’s the thing, if you saw on Twitter, I posted something about delayed gratification. It works with spoilers. When they tease, they build up hype. They induce the fans to start coming up with theories, ideas, designs, etc. etc. It creates a build-up of anticipation for the upcoming reveal.

 It’s like staring at that marshmallow but then you don’t get the taste just yet (so you become excited for the day you get to eat it) and eventually, like the reveal, you get two marshmallows AND you get to eat both and savor them.

When you post spoilers like THAT however, it’s like they shoved that one marshmallow down your throat even after they told you to wait for 10 minutes. So while you are initially happy you get to eat it, suddenly you don’t get the full reward of experience. 

This is where I see a huge difference in the treatment of creative work. You have the business treatment (that’s Jeremy) where you need to constantly up the hype in order to get fans to buy or get into your product by giving them more. There is that principle of marketing (though I have no authority in discussing since I’m not as well versed in it).

Then you have the creator’s treatment. How Thomas Astruc does things. Here, you could tease, you could hint at things, but in the end, you care for your consumers’ experience. It’s not about how much a product sells, or how many seasons are bought. It’s about how you can let your fans enjoy a story in its full essence, emotions and all. And that might mean holding out on certain information until it’s time to reveal it. 

Now I can’t say which one is a better way of doing things because you actually need both to be successful in this sort of thing. So there has to be a balance.

HOWEVER, if there is a skew in the balance of that relationship, that’s when things get messy.

TL;DR Miraculous Ladybug imo, is getting too much of the business treatment and not enough of creator’s treatment. You have shows like Gravity Falls and Avatar to compare with. We’re getting the one marshmallow instead of the two.

I understand the frustration the creators face in this situation.

And It’s Good Enough To Make Me Wanna Fall In Love

my friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex quick make out with me” au

-

It’s not that Dan isn’t a party person. He likes parties. He likes the whole socialising, drinking, I-don’t-know-who-the-hell-you-are-and-why-we’re-sitting-on-the-trampoline-in-the-back-yard-talking-about-dinosaurs-but-I’ll-roll-with-it vibe to it (okay, maybe the latter was only one time), and what’s the harm in getting a little drunk every now and then?

But the problem with Joe, is that he has more friends than Dan can keep up with. He knows too many people Dan doesn’t, and he goes to way too many parties.

Which, Dan supposes, isn’t really a problem in itself, but it’s where he comes into it that is – being the loyal roommate/best friend he is, Joe seems to have adopted him as his party mascot. His trusty ‘plus-one’, for want of a better term.

“Come on, Dan,” Joe throws him a red and black plaid shirt, dismissing one (of many) of Dan’s excuses of ‘but I have nothing to wear’. “I’ve grown out of that, so it’ll fit you just fine. You suit red.”

Dan glares at him, but walks over to the mirror and holds the shirt up to his face. It does suit him, kind-of, and he supposes he could probably get a couple more wears out of his jeans before he has to wash them.

“We’re like teenage girls, you and me,” Joe smirks, watching Dan assess his reflection.

Dan smirks, but tugs his pyjama t-shirt off and grabs the red plaid thing. He’ll never win.

“You owe me big time,” he mumbles, buttoning it up.

“Come on, it’ll be fine. This is Andrew – he knows how to throw a good party.”

“Ah, yes – ‘Andrew’. Another strikingly familiar name.’” Dan mutters dryly, grabbing his straighteners.

Joe tuts. “You’ll love him.”

Dan wonders how many times he’s heard that one before.

-

Keep reading

TOG CHARACTER/SHIP DEFENSE POST-MERELY OPINIONS ON OPINIONS

Okay, i’m going in on this. Yeah, i am.

I saw something not long ago that triggered me into this.

First of all, let me say something. i have no plans to be rude here, i just want to put out my opinion on this.

I am not trying to invalidate any opinions, im just putting out my opinion on those opinions. I want see if anyone agrees with me; i need to see it. I’m beginning to have a loss of hope.

please keep in mind I’m also not here to trigger anybody. I’m triggered. This is my release. I’ve wanted to say it for awhile, but i have also wanted to withhold getting into the fandom drama. well, now i think it’s gotten to the point in my head where I need to say it.

I’m not gonna put my opinion on everything, just things that I feel kind of passionate about whenever I see it pop up.

(generally about tog)

One of the most common statements i see, or simply have a passionate opinion on, is this:

I. Rowan is controlling and possessive.

II. Aelin was better as Celaena.

III. Aelin doesn’t give Chaol or Dorian any credit.

IV. All Rowan wants is sex.

V. Aelin hasn’t changed at all. She kept her bad traits and gained more.

VI. EoS was written poorly than all the other books.

VII. Certain ships like Lysaedion being mashed together.

VIII. Elorcan, Malide, and Manorian.

IX. Chaol not being in EoS.

X. Nesryn is boring.

XI. Not enough diversity in the series.

XII. Killing the black character (Nehemia) being killed off to further the white character (Celaena).

XIII. Doraelin.

XIV. Chaolaena.

XV. Samlaena.

XVI. Rowaelin.

XVII. Aelin is overrated.

XVIII. Sarah J. Maas sexualizes abusive relationships.

XIX. Aelin is mean to Chaol, after all he has done is help her.

XX. Dorian after Sorscha.

XXI. Sending SJM hate. (F u)

If you want my opinion on what I feel is truth about these topics, go ahead and keep reading. This is merely my view on things, and I’d like to see who agrees with me.

If you disagree, that’s cool. You can tell me why something I said about what triggered you, or where you think I’m not seeing things correctly.

But at the end of the day, this is how I see it, please don’t send me hate for it. Only 1% of you guys would think of it, this fandom is beautiful, but it can be brutal, too. Save it, at least for now. If I really piss you off, just punch a pillow. Don’t hate on me through an anon ask.

If you doooo decide to reblog this with a counter-argument, I probably won’t have a discussion with you: this is where I make my peace, and say what I need to say.

so many people say the whole fandom is up SJM’s ass-look at me. I love her. But I don’t totally agree with what she’s done. Read below, and you’ll find a hard truth that people who love SJM and her books do have their own opinion.

and btw shoutout to the people who say you can’t love an author? I met SJM and actually talked to her for an extended amount of time okay I can damn well right love her my queen

besides we basically know every author, because they expose their soul when the write. Fite me writing is style soul and spirit

Here we go. Let’s Russian roulette this post.

Keep reading

OK SO YALL THIS IS GON BE LONG!!!! but my baby brother (he’s 15) had a sociology class a few months ago that his teacher said some p ignorant stuff abt heterophobia and sexism shit and it bothered my brother a lot and he only today decided to say smth abt it,,,, so he sent this message to him and im literally crying im so proud of him he’s so smart jus LOOK:

Good afternoon, sir. I’d like to talk to you about your class on discrimination. I know it’s been a long time since it happened, but certain topics and things you said really bothered me. Before I start, I’d like to make it very clear that I’m not writing this with the intention of changing your opinions, much less to offend your speech as a teacher, but as sociology is a lecture filled with debates, I figured it wouldn’t be a problem to express my opinion.

I’d like to apologize for not speaking up in class, but I was afraid of the jokes that I would have to put up with for defending my arguments (this fear, actually, it’s a way to show you my side of the situation). The topic that bothered me was “heterophobia”, a “discrimination” that, in my point of view, is not real. To explain this, I would have to tell you things that I ask you for complete secrecy, for I am afraid that someone in my class finds out what I’m about to tell you (once again, this fear, is also another way to prove my point). It just so happens, that to me, a person that lives and witnesses homophobia on the daily, for as long as I can remember (including in our school), I can’t help but feel offended whenever I hear someone say that heterosexual people (the only privileged sexual orientation) are victims of prejudice. 

A straight person doesn’t grow up watching relationships in which they do not see themselves in, meanwhile they see people oppressing and trivializing relationships they relate to; they do not grow up doubting their beliefs, fearing that their God hates them; they don’t spend years of their life (in some cases, their entire life) questioning if they’re going to hell just for loving; they don’t grow up feeling dislocated when they see boys talking about girls and vice versa, meanwhile they don’t feel the same way; they don’t spend years of their life crying in the corners when society tells them that the way they act is wrong and that the toys they like to play with are not compatible with their gender when they don’t even care what gender the child identifies with, because for all that they care, that’s not even something to be discussed; they don’t grow up afraid that their own parents and siblings will hate them when they find out about their sexuality; they don’t feel obliged to come out to people, because for the world, their sexuality is what’s normal; they don’t get beaten, they’re not raped, they’re not kicked out of their homes, they’re not called confused or even sent to converting camps or to churches as soon as their parents find out about their sexuality; they don’t grow up listening to “jokes” about people like them and violent comments from students and adults while they’re forced to keep quiet, afraid that if they say anything, their hate speech turn into action; they’re not forced to hear about the “gay cure” and that they need someone else’s permission to get married; they’re not afraid of walking alone or beside their partners, afraid of getting beaten or dying for being who they are. 

I could spend hours listing every single thing that every LGBT+ person goes through in this intolerant world in silence. I could spend days listing all the fears we feel. And I could spend days listing how much the word “prejudice” is part of our lives. Another way to see it is: when you tell me about heterophobia, it’s the same thing as talking to a person of color about reverse racism, to a trans person about cisphobia, to a woman about prejudice against men, to a muslim about prejudice against christians or to tell an immigrant that xenophobia isn’t real. It’s the same feeling. Because as social minorities, we know exactly how being afraid feels, we know what prejudice looks like. And we fight it every day.

And white people, men, cisgenders, heterosexuals… They don’t. They don’t live it, they don’t fear for their future, they don’t fear for their rights, they don’t have to go to the streets asking for equality. Because they’re privileged. They already have their rights. And that’s why your class made me upset (the same way it made a few other students that, like me, were afraid of speaking up). I hope you understand why I felt offended, and I hope you understand what I’m saying. 

Thank you for your attention. 

YAKLLLL IM LITERALLY…………. SO PROUD OF HIM I LOV MY BABY BROTHER SO MUCH HES SO SMART AND AMAZING AND HE DESERVES THE WORLD !!!!!!!!! @kordeikingdom i lov u ur so smart and amazing and im proud of u

youtube

Ive had a real rough time lately with how quick the internet is to judge me based on my humour.. its funny im posting this on tumblr because I find this is where 80% of the judgement comes from.. it comes from a community of “social justice warriors” whos main thing is to accept everyone no matter what.. but not people who make jokes.. no not us… 


anyway.. here are my notes as promised. 


Some of this might seem mean spirited and hypocritical but you need to know I really don’t care. Who ever said that there is no room for negativity on the internet is a fucking prick asshole. Why should I have to change who i am to make your experience on the internet a joy. Somebody once said something pretty similar to that and his name was adolf hitler. Everyone is so quick to paint jay and I in a negative light because we don’t conform to the “everything is positive” manner of living. It’s a stupid way to live because your filling people with false hope and who are you to do that. Sometimes life throws a fucking hard ball at you and shit isn’t going to be ok. But if you keep setting people up to think that everything is going to be ok they aren’t going to develop a hard shell for when nothing is going to be ok. You can’t lie to people to make them feel better I’ve never been a positive happy person I just temporarily played one on the Internet to fit in with my friends.I live in a dark world where if you don’t have laughter than you have nothing but the cool release of a shotgun under my chin. I have this theory where the person you are is who you are when you first wake up, you have been refreshed and its that little time where you are just getting up before you have to put on a happy face for the world. For me I have so many days where I can’t even leave my bed because i feel like the only thing out there for me is contempt from many many peopleNobody is in any position to tell anybody what they find funny is something to be ashamed of. for a community who is so ready to fight for the fact that everyone should be accepted they sure do exclude people who have a different sense of humourNot to be mistaken with not finding something funny and govjng your opinionFinally found a way to word this that doesn’t make it sound like bitching because no oe watched me anymore That’s not itIt’s upsetting that the half a million people I thought I could depend being there for me ditched me when shit got real People who said they loved me but when I am me they up and decided I’m awful Recently a YouTuber told a lot of people a lot of stuff about something that happened in a hotel room they happened to be in. I was trying u make a point about how people shouldn’t be so quick to be offended and realize that when people are telling jokes they are making light of something That’s my way of dealing with the world is by making jokes it’s what I’ve been doing before YouTube it’s what I’m going to do after YouTube because if I’m not allowed to make light of certain situations I’ve found my self in than this isn’t a world in willing to be a part of. If someone is making fun of something you don’t think is funny your two options are to either go away where people aren’t doing it or give sound reasoning as to why your upset but you have to know there’s a solid chance the person is going to go right on making the joke when your not there You have to make sure your damn sure they are actually trash before you throw that around just because someone makes fun of something you can’t handle doesn’t automatically make them a heap of shitWho are you to decide what is to be jokes about and what isn’t I’m far beyond caring what one person thinks of me, but when it’s publicly sprayed on the Internet in an attempt to convert others to that way of thinking is where I draw the line