Two days ago I had the chance to see my favorite band, Placebo, live, in the Pa'l Norte festival in Monterrey, Mexico. It was one of the best experiences in my life, it was surreal and even then, I couldn’t quite believe it was happening. It dawn on me in the concert, as I was listening to “Song to Say Goodbye”, the anthem of my teenage years, with it’s powerful lyrics and the tortured, soulful way Brian sung it. In that moment, it hit me full force and tears gathered in my eyes, because my heroes were in front of me, with only a few feet of distance between us. Brian Molko and Stefan Olsdal are quite literally my heroes, and their music is so meaningful for me, because it pulled me out from my suicidal tendencies, when I felt I couldn’t do it anymore, when I was drowning in self-loathing, when I added more scars to the collection of them that liters my body, I found strength in their songs, I found hope, I found souls that connected with mine and ached in the same way. If I could go back in time and tell my 14-year-old self that I would finally get to see them, it would give her hope. I cling to the hope I find in the little things.
The most powerful moment was when Stefan held up his LGBTQ+ bass guitar for a whole minute, his face solemn and proud, his stance strong, like a rock, holding up his identity for everybody to see, the crowd silent; him and Brian helped me so much to come to terms with my own sexuality, to embrace it and to not be ashamed of it, to not be ashamed of my past, of my depression, of the silvery scars across my wrists. They thaught me to be unafraid and unapologetic, because at the end of the day, we are all a little different, a little broken, both good and bad. And we are all Mother Nature’s children.