illuminous

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It upsets me that billboard would do something like this. You guys also have to remember though that they are trying to make money. There goal is to make you want to read the story, so have an outlandish headline like this is in their best interest. I love Shawn to death, and I am very happy to see how calmly he handled this. He loves all of us from the bottom of his heart. Again, the most unproblematic teenage boy.

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A selection of recent sketchbook pages!

Ink, Acrylic, Pencil

First:
I had a dream the other night that I was packing for a long journey on horseback, but in the dream I never actually got up on the horse. Which was disappointing. Buy it got me in the mood to draw this at least! I’m re-reading The Dark Tower series so that probably influenced the quest aspect of my dream.

Second:
A couple of studies from photos I took around our property from yesterday, and a depiction of some nervous feels I felt earlier today. I feel a lot better. Just one of those days where something feels off and you can’t put your finger on any particular reason.

Third:
A repeat of the badger-self-portrait because I didn’t want to split up the spread. The other page is Hildegard von Bingen tattoo ideas for my little sister. She has more tattoos than I do ( I have 0 at the moment) and I’m kind of jealous but also really happy to be able to generate ideas for someone else XD

What happens when we accept our circumstances? Well, first of all, we relax. Next we change our vibration, our energy pattern, and the rate of our heartbeat. Once again we’re able to tap into the boundless positive energy of the Universe. Acceptance also illuminates reality so that we’re better able to see the next step.
—  Sarah Ban Breathnach
.An Angel Indeed.

SiriusxReader imagine based off the song “I’ll Cover You” from the musical Rent. Part 1 of 2.

A/N: The writing for the reader, I believe is gender neutral. The reader is also James’ sibling, one year younger.

Warning: This imagine is rather long, 2,260 words I think. And be on the look out for sad, needy Sirius. He roams around a little. Happy Reading!


((Song lyrics are bold and in italics.))

“Live in my house.

I’ll be your shelter.”

You shook your hand, putting out the match that was being pinched between your thumb and index finger. While tossing the burnt stick into the small trash can in the corner, you glanced around the now illuminated living room. The dim light that floated around the room made you sigh with satisfaction. A boisterous storm rumbled outside the walls of the Potter house. Rain pelted the windows, creating a tapping sound against the glass. It was soft and muffled, due to the charm your mother had casted on the house for this sort of weather. You loved summer nights like these, the stormy ones. The occasional crack of thunder or flash of lightning excited you, ever since you were a little girl. Even when the storm would knock out the power, it gave you the chance to fill the house with all different sorts of candles, light the fire and sit on the couch to catch up on some reading. Tonight, that was exactly your plan.

James was out visiting Remus for the time being, probably would have to spend another night because of the storm. Parents were gone on a little vacation for the both of them, leaving you alone in the family home. You were able to run around the house pantless and hang out in any part of the home without having to hear the ruckus coming from your rambunctious older brother.

You fell into the couch, a large fuzzy blanket being pulled over your body as you tried to find the best position to read. When finding it, you snatched your book from the arm of the couch and slipped into your own little world. Unfortunately, your slice of heaven was to be interrupted by the heavy rapping on the front door. Your eyes glanced away from the pages of your book to look up at the source of the sound, eyebrows furrowing together in confusion. There was no way James would have made the journey home in this weather and your parents weren’t due home until next week. As you carefully made your way to the door, you made sure to pick your wand up off of the coffee table as you passed.

You jumped as the stranger knocked again, just as heavy as the first time. After taking in a deep breath for courage, you hesitantly turned the lock and pulled the door open, eyes turning to saucers when seeing who stood before you.

“Sirius.. Come in,” you mutter, quickly moving out of the way so the older boy could step inside of the house and out of the storm. You pushed the door closed and turned the lock back into place, starting to tug at the hem of your baggy sweater in attempt to hide the fact that you were only wearing underwear underneath.  

“Is James here?” He asked, nose sniffling as his eyes shifted around the room. You didn’t answer him at first, taking your time to look him over. He wore a large black coat that was drenched, his dark hair falling flat against his face. His shoes were caked with mud, as were the backs of his dark coloured jeans. He must have been running.

“N-No.. He went over to Remus’ a couple days ago..’ Your voice seemed to trail off as you become even more distracted by his appearance. As Sirius turned his head, his eyes met yours. You were now able to see the watery glaze that laid over his eyes and the redness that surrounded them. His cheeks and the tip of his nose were scarlet due to the freezing, rainy weather. His lip was being chewed, all red and peeled..

“Do you know when he will be back?” Sirius’ voice broke you out of your stare. You shook your head in response, almost ignoring him. “Are you alright?” Your voice was only a whisper as you were trying to be gentle. You had never been in such a situation, especially with someone like Sirius. The man hardly showed such vulnerability.

“Open your door,

I’ll be your tenant.

Don’t got much baggage to lay at your feet.”

Before you could comment on his lack of reply, you were pulled against his body, arms wrapping around your waist. “Y/N..” He huffed as his head found a place against your neck, deep, shaky breaths against your skin. You could careless that the wetness from his clothing seeped into your sweater, or how his damp hair pressed against your face. It was evident that something was wrong, and right now, you were the only one that could do something about it. So, your arms slipped around his torso, pulling him close to your body as you rubbed your hand against his back.

The two of you stood in silence as you just let him hold you and try his best to hide the tears that he tried to desperately to push back into his skull. You knew you had to be gentle and patient. Show him that you were there to care for him.

“Hey.. Why don’t we get you changed..? I’m sure we can find something of James’. Then if you need, we can go sit on the couch and relax. Okay?” Your voice was soft as you spoke quietly into Sirius’ ear, taking your hand to lead his head away from your neck so you could meet his eyes. He avoided it, staring down at your now damp sweater as he nodded his head.

Once his shoes were places by the door, socks bunched up inside of them, you helped him pull off his coat and hang it with the others. You then took his hand, fingers tangling with his before leading him up the dark stairway. The moon shone through the window at the end of the hall, casting light onto the wooden floor. The droplets on the glass made it look as though rain danced in the light.

Eventually, you pulled Sirius into your brothers room. You released your hand from his tight grip, starting to search through a couple of drawers. You could feel Sirius’ eyes on you as you moved around the room. When finding what was needed, you lay a small pile of clothes on the bed next to where the boy was standing. “You change in here and meet me back downstairs. I’ll be down once I change,” you tell him before walking out of the room, slipping into the bedroom that was placed across the hall. Before closing the door, you meet eyes with the boy across the hall. “Thank you, Y/N,” you flash him a small smile in return before disappearing into the room.

Soon enough, you were making your way down the stairs, hand tightly gripping onto the railing in case you happened to trip over your own feet. You now wore a long sleeve, Gryffindor shirt and a pair of black pajama shorts, knowing now that when having guests over, it was proper to wear pants.

As you turned the corner, your eyes fell upon Sirius who stood by the fireplace, your book being turned over in his hands. He then opened it, reading over the first page as he waited patiently. You took one step and the floorboard groaned, causing him to turn and look to you. The book closed in his hand and he quickly placed it back onto the table. “Sorry, I was just looking,” he mumbled as you walked over to him.

“No need to apologize,” you hummed, taking a seat down on the couch, Sirius placing himself closer to the opposite arm. He wore grey sweats that were a little short, exposing his ankles, on his torso he wore a navy blue tee shirt. Thankfully, it fit him just fine.

“Just slip me on, I’ll be your blanket.

Wherever, whatever, I’ll be your coat.”

You happened to notice the way he opened his arms, laying one along the back of the couch as the other gestured for you to move closer. You gave a small nod, crawling across the couch to be able to slump into his side. Sirius slid his arm around you, making sure you were held close to him as his hand was taken in both of yours. Your head laid against his chest as you carefully played with his fingers.

The two of you were friends. Not really the sort who would sit around and cuddle each other or express their deepest secrets. But the kind that would occasionally sneak off to the kitchens, or share a few inside jokes. You remembered the feelings that you had developed for him a couple of years back. You remembered that when you told your brother, he told you to smarten up and lose what you felt, probably not wanting to deal with his baby sister/brother being that close to his best friend. You believed that you lost these feelings, seeing Sirius as a good friend. But, as you laid there in his arms, it started picking at your heart.

“If you’re cold and you’re lonely.’

A few moments of silence pass before Sirius speaks up. “I ran away.”

You didn’t say anything. You did not quite know how to respond, so you tilted your head back slightly to look up at him, waiting to see if he would continue the story. Your y/e/c eyes looked into his silver ones, but he stared forward into the quiet fire. “From home.. I couldn’t stay there. All the fighting and just.. I couldn’t take the constant reminder of how much of a failure.. No, a disappointment to my family I was,’ he paused for a moment, sucking in a breath as he blinked his eyes.

‘ It’s like they act as if what they say will change who I am.. That suddenly Dumbledore will force me into Slytherin, because apparently that means so damn much.. Maybe I will do everything that they want me to do or be. But that isn’t me.. I feel like absolute nothing,” his voice faded into a whisper, frustration and distress filling his words. You only hoped that you could take away his pain, to show him how much he meant to those around him. You were aware of his family situation, but not at all to the extent that it was.

‘You’ve got one nickle only.”

Sirius continued to ramble on about his family, unable to stop his words or the few tears the rolled down his cheeks. As he spoke, you took it upon yourself to wipe his tears, hand resting against his cheek. Not once did he dare look into your eyes, it was as if he was scared. Scared of what he would see, if he could see that maybe you didn’t give one care in the world about what he was saying. But, of course you did. Your heart ached for him.

When his final words slipped from his mouth, silence fell over the room. Sirius leaned his head into your hand, eyes closing. He had to have been completely drained from all he went through that day. Exhaustion was basically radiating off of him.

“When you’re worn out and tired,’

You finally found the courage to do something about everything that was going on in your head. So, you carefully tilt his head to the side, his eyes opening to find yours staring back at him. This time he held eye contact. “There is not a lot I can say, okay? But I want you to know that I am here for you and I care for you. You will never be a disappointment to me, to James, to Remus, Peter, anyone who actually matters. And no, whatever your family does or says does not matter at the end of the day because you have us. And you will forever have a home here. Do you understand?”  There was no question if Sirius would be able to take home in the Potter house hold. Your parents were absolutely in love with the boy and James would be absolutely ecstatic.

‘And your heart has expired.”

It wasn’t a lot, but it was everything Sirius needed to hear. He could not hold himself back as his hands pulled away from your body, only to press against your cheeks, his lips finding your quickly. The kiss was slow and soft. He was so lost in your lips and your heart felt as though it could explode at any moment. Your cheeks flushed a deep red, the colour spreading all the way up to the tips of your ears.

Sirius moved his one hand down to your side, arm slipping around you to pull you into his lap before both of his hands took their place on your waist. You straddled him, lips not breaking from each other for one second. Your hands ran up his chest and over his shoulders before laying at the back of his neck where your gently tugged at his long locks.

You were the one to finally break the kiss, forehead being pressed against his as the sounds of your breath filled the space.

“You are like an angel..” Sirius’ words made a wide grin pull on your lips, and a soft giggle escape as you finally opened your eyes to look at him. “Maybe I am,” you whisper, the smile that grew on his face made your heart flutter. This was all that you wanted, for him to forget about all the bad, and to let in the good that would eventually wash away everything that was going on in his mind.

“And how can I repay you?” He kept his voice low as his head shifted to the side, nose rubbing against your temple, fingertips dragging up and down the line of your back. You smirk as you think of what to say in return.

“One thousand kisses.”

“Be my lover, and I will cover you.”


Hope you liked it! Thanks for reading!

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Shawns photo shoot for the billboard magazine.
I can’t believe they twisted his words and totally just lied about what he said. That’s fucked up TBH. He’s like the most unproblematic teenager out there. Like even his music isn’t about sex, drugs, drinking, etc. I don’t know why they would do that to him.

flickr

Tenerife by Scorpion-66
Via Flickr:
Uno scatto fatto a giugno da Tenerife, parco del teide, la via lattea sta sorgendo con lo Scorpione, la luna deve ancora tramontare ed illumina il paesaggio A shot made in June by Tenerife, Teide park, the Milky Way is coming up with Scorpio, the moon has yet to wane and illuminates the landscape

Chapter 4: Pushed to insanity

riiiiiiiiing. riiiing. riiiiing.

I groaned, waking up to a loud noise that seemed to be erupting from the TV. I looked over to see Jokers smiling face.

“Like your alarm darling?”

He laughed as I groaned sitting up. My sides were still in pain from the day before.

“What do you want?”

He grinned, sitting back and fiddling with something in his hand.

“I’m going to be gone most of the day today. Having a meeting with my goons…”

He suddenly leaned back in, his face right in the camera as his metal teeth shone on the light illuminating his room.

“Don’t even think of escaping, though. If you thought yesterday was bad well HAHAHA your punishment would feel like death to you. Anyways, feel free to roam the mansion dollface and if your good, I’ll serve you dinner tonight.”

The TV went to static, turning back off as I huffed and stood up. I walked into the bathroom, deciding it was time to wash the two-day-old grime off my body.

As I turned the water on, I hissed at how cold it was. It started to get warmer however and I stepped under the stream, only enjoying it for a moment.

I hissed again as I felt the hot water running over my wounds on my hips.

There was no open wound but the skin was risen, making a painful red circle that was already starting to scar my pale skin. I started to scrub my body with the items that had been left for me in the shower, as I watched brown water stream off of my body.

“disgusting.”

After my shower, I searched for my clothing but I couldn’t find them, so I went under my bed to the drawers that were built into the frame. I found a skirt and tank top with some stockings and undergarments and decided to try them on.

Surprisingly they fit.

I lay back on my bed staring at the ceiling and wondering how I had managed to get myself into this situation.

*_*_*_*

It had been an hour since the joker had left and I was absolutely bored out of my mind. I finally got up and gave in to my curiosity as I opened the metal doors that led out into the hall.

I had imagined the hall to be small, but as I opened the door, it led to a large room with a staircase leading both up and down. The flooring was hardwood and the wallpaper was purple and chipping.

I started to walk, looking into rooms here and there until I came to a door that stood out compared to the others. It was painted red and had a heart locket on the door handle, along with a sign hanging crookedly that read “DO NOT ENTER”.

I scoffed at the sign.

“it’ll take a lot more than a petty sign to keep me out.”

I carefully opened the door, making sure that the locket didn’t fall off as I entered.

I was automatically hit with a burst of color. The whole room was painted a bright cheery red and the carpeting was blue. There wasn’t much in the room, A bed with a black comforter with red polka dots, A small desk, a mirror, a TV and some photos hanging up. I walked up to one of the photos, looking at it.

In the photo was the girl that I had seen years before, A purple and green mallet in her hand with the joker by her side, a hand wrapped around her waist.

I searched my mind for the name that the joker had called her trying to remember it. It had started with an ‘H’ but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

“Hannah? no. Hallie? No. Harley? YES! That was it, her name was Harley!”

I smiled at myself but my smile dropped as I heard the jokers voice behind me. I held my breath, knowing the consequences would be bad if he found me in here.

“I didn’t think he would be home so soon.”

I whispered to myself as I turned to the door. It was slightly ajar and I quickly ran over to it to close it, but just as I put my hand on the knob, the joker pushed it open further, looking at me angrily.

“CANT YOU READ?!”

I backed up, scared what he would do. He was wearing a purple suit and pulled a gun out of his pocket as he lunged at me.

He knocked me over, sitting on my stomach as I screamed out in pain.

“I warned you.”

He said holding the gun to my temple. I shook my head, hot tears falling from my eyes.

“P-Please no more, How m-much are you going to s-scar me?!”

His face suddenly went serious and seemed like he had a hint of concern in his eyes.

“Where? Where are they?”

I looked at him confused.

“Where are what?”

“THE SCARS AUTUMN! WHERE ARE THE SCARS?”

I winced slightly, pulling up my shirt and looking away to show him where the skin has risen slightly, starting to scar.

“I-I’m so sorry, I never meant to s-scar you.”

I couldn’t believe my ears, as I heard the Joker say sorry to me, sounding seriously concerned. He got off of me helping me up. We just stood there for a minute as he just stared at the round scars on the side of me hips. I self-consciously pulled down my shirt, trying to cover them but he moved my hands away, lifting my shirt back up.

I gasped at his next actions as he kneeled down, tenderly kissing the scars. I didn’t know what to do as he continued to kiss them. He then suddenly stopped, whispering.

“I never wanted to scar your beautiful body.”

I blushed and looked down at him, staring at his green hair that was slicked back as always. He suddenly got up, pulling me out of the room and turning the light off before closing the red door.

“I’m sorry, but, just don’t go in rooms that have signs telling you not to.”

He looked down at me sternly. I nodded and his usual smile returned to his face as he started to walk away.

“Why don’t you get back to your room, I’ll bring dinner to you in a few hours”