ill-live

I'm a tiny ball of anxiety but I've been a tad productive

• called eight psychiatry offices before finding someone that would take new patients and that were actually psychiatrists.

• made appointment with psychiatrist for the day before I fly home for my sisters wedding. A month from now.

• saw the counselor at disability services today

• made plan to get answers about school - she challenged me to make sure I choose what I CAN reasonably do not what I think I HAVE to do.

• cried

• drank coffee and have spent three days in the living room with dean instead of holing up in our bedroom.

• ordered sisters wedding gift

• as well as my shoes for the wedding.

• BD’d the three days around my glaring positive opk. Which I had two of so I think I actually might have ovulated but time will tell.

• lost 3 pounds thanks to drinking a little less soda and snacking

I woke up and was already done with today.

I was hoping to get out of playing pool tonight so I can stay home and work, but my dad’s getting his eyes dilated during an eye exam today and he won’t be able to drive. If I don’t go, he can’t go either. That means I’ll be out until at least midnight on a day I feel super drained/anxious.

On top of that, my mom and I have to meet him at the eye doctor’s office and that means I have to be in a car with my mom for half an hour. This normally isn’t a problem, but when I feel like this, it’s really hard for me to be around her because she’s so loud and draining in general.

I should be okay once the day’s over. It’s just a matter of getting through it.

Biden facts:

  • First marriage had to overcome fiancees parent’s unhappiness with their daughter marrying a Roman Catholic (which they did)
  • His wife and baby daughter died, and both sons were injured in a crash just weeks after he was elected senator - an election in which he was the underdog, and his campaign was mostly managed by his family with little funding (1972)
  • Wanted to resign in order to care for his sons
  • For his boys’ sake he commuted an hour and a half each morning and evening to Washington DC  so he could see them everyday
  • Hosted barbecues and christmas dinner annually for Amtrak crews
  • Amtrak crews would sometimes hold the last train for a few minutes so he could catch it
  • Never works on December 18th, the day his wife and daughter died
  • after his first election as U.S. senator for Delaware he was re-elected 6 times - usually with around 60% of the vote
  • May 1999 he set the mark for the youngest senator to cast 10,000 votes
  • Ranked as one of the least wealthy members of the senate
  • Was banned in 2008 from receiving Holy Communion by the bishop of his original hometown, Scranton, because of his support for abortion rights
  • Was caught on microphone telling Obama that signing the ACA was “a big fucking deal” during live broadcasts
  • Obama’s daughter Sasha and Biden’s granddaughter Maisy attended the same school together, which helped form the obama-biden friendship
  • Biden’s friendships on the senate floor were often instrumental in passing major legislation
  • In 2015 he reduced his schedule to spend more time with his son Beau, who was fighting and later died from brain cancer  
  • One of only 4 recipients from the last 4 presidents to receive the presidential medal of freedom with distinction 
  • Dr Jill Biden, his wife, is one of only 2 second ladies to continue her day job - teaching at Northern Virginia Community College - and is founder of the Biden Breast Health Initiative (an effort to raise awareness of breast cancer with young women in Delaware) 
  • just a fucking decent dude

It’s fun having to walk on eggshells at home

It’s fun staying in one room all the time.

It’s fun not being able to do what you want at home.

It’s fun always looking over your shoulder.

It’s fun being hyper-aware of where your parent is at all times.

It’s fun getting yelled at over anything and everything.

It’s fun having no energy to do basic cleaning.

It’s fun getting yelled at for not doing said cleaning.

It’s fun having to spend all your energy just to minimally function and deal with all the yelling.

It’s fun always weighing whether doing something (or not doing something) is better or worse than getting yelled at.

It’s fun always wondering if you forgot something and if you’ll get in trouble for it.

It’s fun always holding your breath when you’re in the same room or area as your parent.

It’s fun not being able to say you have a mental illness.

It’s fun knowing either they suspect or just don’t care and continue to yell at you for things you can’t do.

It’s fun never feeling truly safe or truly at home.

It’s fun having nowhere else to go.

It’s fun not being able to get any help.

It’s fun being isolated and alone.

8

NYPD sergeant kills Deborah Danner, a 66-year-old black woman who neighbors say was mentally ill

A black woman said to be living with a mental illness was shot and killed by a New York police sergeant in her Bronx, New York, apartment Tuesday evening. Police officials say the woman allegedly wielded a bat at a police sergeant. Commissioner James O'Neil admitted the officer didn’t follow protocol.

when isak and even are officially back together he’s not going to take shit from anyone who tries to judge them because they’re in a m/m relationship and he’s not going to take shit from anyone who has anything negative to say about even/even’s mental illness and honestly this+oxygen is making me feel so alive right now