Ill Gotten Gains: An Everlark Drabble

This was inspired by this story:

A little thank you gift for @papofglencoe for pulling me out of my crazy writers block and always being there to help me workshop the shit out of C-C. 

I never write anything that doesn’t include filthy language so please be aware. Also, TOTALLY unbeta’d so all mistakes are mine.

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My roommate, Sympathetic Villain

me: awww man. Did you eat the cake that was in the fridge? You know that was for my party tomorrow

sympathetic villain: Im Sorry… i havent adjusted to the human code of ethics yet. but im having an awakening somewhere inside my heart thats telling me i can still be a good person. i can only hope i am not killed for my sins until now

me: aww.. you know what… thats alright

me: hey wait! whyd you pour milk on my bed!

sympathetic villain: my core motivation to succeed to prove those who have hurt me wrong has become confused with one-sided lust for conquest. at my core and in my mind, i am still an innocent and wronged child, trying my best to cope by using even ill-gotten gains as a token of some kind of success

me: i feel you. thats ok. i guess it wont be so bad to clean

me: hey wait why did you kill everyone in the world????

sympathetic villain: we all have days like that

some Very Important Katana and Boomerang and Kaboom headcanons:

  • In this interview, Jai talked about the backstory for Boomerang that was pitched to him - about him being ex-special forces and having been beaten down by the system. I imagine he was somewhat like Rick Flagg at some point - he probably had some high-minded ideals and goals regardless of his methods - but circumstances led him to want out and no longer be beholden to anyone while indulging his darker vices. And what better self-sustaining self-employment is there than thievery? You’re definitely your own man in that industry so long as you can manage to keep most of the profits for yourself - and as we saw in his brief origin story, he’s no stranger to screwing someone over to keep most of his ill-gotten gains for himself. Also, considering that he’s an experienced thief and escape artist, I imagine he was something of a prodigy who entered the special forces early, as he’s only in his early 30s now and has been a thief for a while.
  • After Flagg made the otherworldly stakes of their battle totally clear and everyone leaves for the bar, Katana joins them because she found Flagg’s concealment of the truth from both her and them dishonorable. They should at least know the stakes of their mission. She quietly takes in their investment in the integrity of the team and the endgame of the mission and decides that these are people she’d willingly bare her soul before (quite literally, when she later takes off her mask and speaks to her husband within full view of the rest of the group - showing them her own reason for fighting). There is some good in them - perhaps not enough for her to fully trust that they don’t deserve the edge of her blade, but enough to fight at their side with honor, should they choose to do the same. Most criminals deserve no mercy, but these might yet merit it, if they prove themselves worthy. 
  • Katana has a level of respect for Boomerang simply because, like her, he relies entirely on non-ballistic weaponry alone and goes into every fight with little other than his wits and athleticism to protect him. 
  • Both Katana (for obvious reasons) and Boomerang (due to his special forces past) deal with PTSD. Having read his file, she wonders at how he deals with it - is his hedonism in spite of it, or is it in some way largely because of it, as a distraction from his own inner turmoil? She’s found her own way to sublimate that emotional overload, perhaps more moral in its intents and goals, but equally unhealthy in many ways.
  • In an attempt to start a conversation with her, Boomerang mentions off hand that her name - Tatsu - means “dragon” in Japanese, which he finds “bloody ripper.” She asks him if he’s been practicing with that Japanese-English Dictionary she’s seen him thumbing through when he thinks she’s not looking. And he says no, a tattoo artist told him the other day and gets even more embarassed because no, absolutely not, he was not considering getting a tattoo in her honor whatever gave her that idea
  • After hearing that Boomerang is in a cell little bigger than a holding cell for mouthing off to Waller, she puts in a good word for him. He gets a bigger cell, a six-pack every week, a certain pink unicorn that he’s rather embarrassed she knows anything about, and a much more thorough Japanese-English Dictionary with rudimentary lessons contained therein along with a note in English that reads simply. “Practice. I will visit and track your progress.”
  • Belle Reve’s not a bar, but he does have beer and when she visits, drinks are on him.
Rockstar gets greedy

So, as we all know, the newest Grabd Theft Auto V update has been released and is rather expensive… over $20 million to buy everything that the DLC has to offer. For players who are unfamiliar with the new DLC, the “Ill gotten Gains part one” DLC, the contents conisist of this:

Three new road vehicles 

the Benefactor Stirling GT, based on the 1955 Mercedes 300SL gullwing 

The Pegassi Osiris, based on the Pagani Huayra and Ferrari LaFerrari. Also, on a side note, don’t blow one of these up. No, seriously. Insurance costs on one of these takes about $25,000 out of your money if you blow it up. So, just don’t go there…

The Albany Virgo, a returning car from GTA San Andreas and GTA IV, based on the Mercury Cougar and Lincoln Continental Mark 5

Next are Two new aircraft, (albeit reskinned aircraft already in-game, just more expensive)

The Bukingham Luxor Deluxe, a gold painted Luxor; which allows you to perform multiple actions inside. These range from smoking cigars, drinking wine and using the internet. Oh, and it costs $10 million. So you better have deep pockets…. or be willing to splash out on shark cards…

And finally, the Buckingham Swift Deluxe, also gold painted. This costs slightly less, at $5.15 million… still pretty expensive, but it’s Rockstar; this is what they do. 

Other than these beautiful but downright money crippling vehicles, the new weapon skins and new clothes are pretty good, but as expected, do cost quite a lot. 

Overall, the update has been reasonably good, but it shows that Rockstar is quite money grabbin’ greedy with this update. Players with a lower cash fund (me included), sometimes have to resort to shark cards… giving rockstar another profit push-up. 

Still, as this is only “part one” of the DLC, what lies ahead for the next parts of the DLC, and will they be as expensive? Only time will tell…

That’s it for now, mateys. You’ve been reading the tales of the cap’in and ill be writin’ more gaming news soon.   

A bit more of an expanded plot summary:

“StartUp” begins with Phil Rask (Martin Freeman), the FBI agent who specializes in financial crimes, who crosses paths with Nick Talman (Adam Brody), an intelligent financier working in a boutique firm. Rask is after Talman’s father, a wealthy, irresponsible man who forces Nick to stash his ill-gotten gain after he goes missing. Instead of going to the FBI, Nick decides to hide the money in a tech startup pitched by the unorthodox Izzy Morales (Otmara Marrero), a whiz with a great idea who’s out to change the world. There’s one hitch: Ronald Dacey (Edi Gathegi), second-in-command to a local Haitian gang, is out looking for the money he left with Nick’s father. When Ronald discovers it has vanished, he tracks down Nick and forms an unexpected partnership with him and Izzy. All the while, Rask is hot on their trail as he’ll journey into darkness to bring them to justice.

“StartUp” also stars Wayne Knight (“Seinfeld”) and Aaron Yoo (“Blacklist”), and is produced by Critical Content and Hollywood Gang Productions.

The 10-episode, one hour series will premiere on Crackle on September 6th. 

(Via Indiewire)

Ill-Gotten Gains DLC: Part One!

New DLC will be coming to Grand Theft Auto V next week!

The Benefactor Stirling GT, featuring Gull Wing Doors.

Due to a surge in high-end crime across southern San Andreas, demand for luxury goods and services is at an all-time high. Upscale merchants of all kinds are scrambling to fill their inventories to serve the newly wealthy. The first of two major deliveries this summer will be hitting the showrooms of luxury car dealerships, the shelves of top arms suppliers and other prestigious retailers in June. Here are a few new screenshots featuring some of the new rides and accessories coming to GTA Online next week – and be on the lookout for another big shipment coming this summer.

The Enus Windsor, featuring vehicle wraps from all the top designers of Rockford Hills.

The Buckingham Swift Deluxe, the Solid Gold Variant of the Buckingham Swift.

The Combat PDW (Personal Defense Weapon), coming soon to an Ammu-Nation near you!

The Albany Virgo

The Pegasus Osiris, featuring Gull Wing Doors.

The Buckingham Luxor Deluxe, a Solid Gold Variant of the Buckingham Luxor.

Hundreds of new clothing items and accessories are arriving to exclusive clothiers.

Another stunning picture of The Pegassi Osiris

October 20th, 1720 | “Calico” Jack is Captured

It’s the Golden Age of Piracy: an era when lands have been discovered, vast wealth snatched off the rightful owners, and enterprising little bastards are stealing ships in a bid for phat lewts.

Enter in one Charles Vane, who served under the infamous pirate Henry Jennings. In late July of 1715, a Spanish treasure fleet burgeoning with all manner of ill-gotten gains, wrecked off the coast of Florida when it happened to run into a particularly bad storm. Pirates being pirates, the opportunity to snag a few bags of gold WITHOUT getting into a fight had to be an attractive proposition, and before you know it they’re descending on the wreck site like a swarm of rats. Henry Jennings was the first to arrive and he snagged a freaking massive £87,000 in recovered gold and silver. The dude had struck the jackpot.

So in 1718 - when the King of England issued a blanket pardon for all pirates wishing to return to an honest life - Henry Jennings went “sure, sounds like a sweet deal to me.” While Vane - who doubtlessly got less of the fortune - said “fuck that,” drank some rum, stole a sloop, and set off to be a good old pirate and find a fortune of his own.

Unfortunately on February 23, 1718, he sailed smack into the royal Frigate HMS Phoenix and got himself arrested. But in a show of generosity - and probably a little pity, because he wasn’t getting the piracy thing down very well - the English just slapped his wrists, said “don’t do it again, guv'nor,” and let him go. Did he learn the error of his ways and humbly slope off to seek an honest life? Did he heck. He gathered up a crew - including one Calico Jack - and set off to do some mischievous business.

Vane and the new crew sailed all over, built up a small fleet of ships, and started to “stick it to the man,” piracy style, and were so successful and cruel in their endeavors that all commerce in the area ground to a halt. Time to move onto bigger and better things.

So around the middle of the year Vane snagged a few more ships, a 20-gun French ship that he made his flagship, threw some gold at his men, and promptly took the entire port of Nassau as his own. There was much partying, wenching, and the drinking of grog that day.

But Vaneville didn’t last long as a new governor - one Woodes Rogers - was already enroute, and on July 24th he and his Royal Navy Frigate arrived. And frigates being frigates, you really don’t want to mess with them. Especially if they’re accompanied by a small fleet, and this one was. Vane didn’t feel that way: he had the harbor fort open up on the English, and then - under the cover of night - set fire to one of his ships and sailed it into the heart of the English: they panicked - in a very polite manner - cut anchors and scattered, thus allowing Vane to slip off into the darkness and make good his escape.

But here things went kinda pear shaped. Vane tried to get Blackbeard back into the pirate game, failed, and promptly picked a fight with the wrong ship in the shape of a French frigate. Realizing that he was outgunned he shouted out the famous pirate phase “fuck that, get our arse out of here!” He saved the ship and the crew, but apparently they were not impressed and saw it as an act of cowardice. They voted him out - ‘cos that’s how they rolled - and up steps the Quartermaster Jack Rackham and his fancy Calico clothing. I like to think that he probably had a Johnny Depp swagger about him as he took the keys off Vane. “I’ll just be havin’ these …”

Vane was given a smaller ship and basically booted off into the distance, while the new captain - Jack Rackham - took over. Now here I think I should stop, because Calico Jack wasn’t exactly a massively successful pirate, but he is somewhat famous because of two of his - eventual - companions: one Anne Bonny and one Mary Read. Some accounts have him partnering up with Anne before this year, but Anne wasn’t on Vane’s crew, so there are some theories that suggest that the Vane Jack rebels against was a different captain. This may well be true, but for the point of this story …

Calico Jack - chuffed at his new command - went back to Nassau to resupply. There he found a lovely bit of strumpet called Anne Bonny, and the two of them hit it off famously. Catch was Anne already had a husband, so Jack being Jack, he offer to buy her off James Bonny. James was freaking appalled. I doubt it was at the offer of selling her per se, but the realization of “wait, wait … are you two boinking each other???”

James was pissed off and went crying to the governor - Woodes Rogers - who agreed with him that a lady really should not conduct herself that way. He threatened to have the unfaithful cow flogged, which apparently didn’t have the right effect, because Anne Bonny thought “screw you, mister” and bailed with Jack. I probably would have done the same.

So Anne joins the crew and proved to be quite the sort; she took to piracy nicely, thus causing the Calico Jack’s crew to gain in infamy. In December he snagged the merchant ship Kingston, which had a fat cargo, but stupidly he did it within sight of Port Royal, thus causing a mercantile outrage. They chased him down and stole the ship back a couple of months later while Jack and his men were on an island. With such a lovely little ship gone, Rackham had to snag another.

So he did just that. He was holed up in a town in Cuba, trying to make the most of their little remaining sloop, when a Spanish warship and a smaller sloop come along and spots them. The catch was that the warship couldn’t get into harbor due to the low tide, so the Spanish hung back during the night, intent of blasting him to smithereens the following day. This was perfect, because Jack and his men rowed up during the night, overpowered the sloops guards and sailed away. The following day the warship blew the crap out of the old ship still in harbor, thinking Jack was still on it. But he was long, long gone and probably snogging Anne as part of a victory celebration.

I should probably point out here that I’m making a lot of shit up, in case it wasn’t obvious, and some things happened in a completely different order. Or not at all. But the snogging definitely happened. For sure.

Shortly after taking to the sea, Jack came upon a ship and captured it. As was the custom of the day, the captured crew was asked who among them would sign articles and join the Revenge. Among those who agreed to sign up was an especially skilled swordsman who had impressed Calico Jack and Anne. This swordsman was none other than Mary Read.

Now to Jack and his perspective what happened next is that Anne started taking a shine to the swordsman and the two were hanging out a lot together. It was only when he threatened to kill them both that Mary revealed to him that she was indeed a woman. “SCORE!” says Jack, giving himself a little high five, and he completely misses the “but don’t tell anyone” from Mary, because he promptly ran out onto the deck and shouted “guess who’s getting into a threesome tonight?!” to the rest of the crew. They were all shocked, and kinda nervous, because they really didn’t swing that way, but Jack soothed them all with a “what? no, no … she’s a chick, the swordsman is a chick! Boom! This guy, right here!”

Someone in the rigging muttered “a bloody told you so!” to a mate, and the matter was dropped.

Calico jack, his crew, and the two fine women became famous all over the region. And let’s face it if you have two bloodthirsty female pirates onboard, you’re probably going to cause a bit of a stir. The Revenge and her flamboyant captain quickly became quite the terror of the Caribbean much to the chagrin of Woodes Rogers, who began recruiting former pirates to act as pirate hunters.

Anne and Mary became famoose, a little too famoose, and Jack got jealous. He turned to drink - heavily so - which made matters worse, because then the crew started to regard Anne and Mary as the real captains.

It was 1720 and the Pirate Hunter Barnet caught up with him. He and his crew were drunk at the time, and while they put up a bit of a fight, they were three sheets to the wind and were utterly outmatched. Barnet took out the main mast of the Revenge, which cause the entire Calico crew to say “fuck it,” and they went downstairs to drink the rest of the rum. Which is actually true.

Jack and his crew were tried at St. Jago de la Vega in Jamaica where they were promptly found guilty and sentenced to hang. Calico Jack was granted a last request to see Anne one more time before being hanged, but you know what she did? She said nope, and to really drive it home she added: “I’m sorry to see you here, but if you’d have fought like a man you needn’t hang like a dog.” And that’s really got to hit a man square in the nads.

And with that low-blow echoing in his ears he was hanged on November 18th, 1720.

And now I want to play Black Flag, because that game had all of these characters and events in it.

More Ass-Kicking Fun:


The Major Sins:

1. Associating anything with Allah

2. Murder

3. Practicing magic

4. Abandoning salah (ritual Prayer)

5. Not paying zakah

6. Not fasting during the month of Ramadan without excuse

7. Not performing Hajj, while being able to do so

8. Showing disrespect to parents

9. Severing relations with relatives

10. Committing adultery

11. Committing sodomy

12. Dealing in riba (interest)

13. Wrongfully consuming the property of an orphan

14. Lying about Allah or His Messenger

15. Running away from the battlefield

16. Deceiving the people that one rules and being unjust to them

17. Being proud and arrogant

18. Bearing false witness

19. Drinking alcohol

20. Gambling

21. Falsely accusing chaste women (i.e. of committing fornication or adultery)

22. Stealing from the spoils of war

23. Stealing

24. Committing highway robbery

25. Making false oath

26. Committing oppression

27. Earning ill-gotten gain.

28. Consuming what is unlawful.

29. Committing suicide

30. Lying frequently

31. Judging unjustly

32. Giving and accepting a bribe

33. Imitating the opposite sex (in dress, behavior, and the like)

34. Allowing one’s wife, daughters, etc. to display their beauty to men or conduct illicit sexual relations

35. Marrying a divorced woman in order to make her lawful for her ex-husband to remarry her after he irrevocably divorced her

36. Not protecting oneself or one’s clothes from being contaminated with urine or excrement.

37. Showing off

38. Learning knowledge of the religion for the sake of this world and withholding that knowledge (i.e., not teaching people)

39. Betraying a trust

40. Recounting favors

41. Denying Allah’s Decree

42. Listening to people’s private conversations

43. Carrying gossip

44. Swearing

45. Breaking contracts

46. Believing in fortune-tellers

47. Behaving badly towards one’s husband

48. Making statues

49. Lamenting, wailing, tearing the clothing, and doing other things of this sort when an affliction falls

50. Treating others wrongfully

51. Treating one’s wife, servant, the weak, and animals badly

52. Offending one’s neighbor

53. Offending and abusing Muslims

54. Offending people and having an arrogant attitude toward them

55. Trailing one’s garment in pride

56. Wearing silk and gold (this is for men only)

57. Running away from one’s master (this is for slaves)

58. Slaughtering an animal that has been dedicated to anyone other than Allah

59. To knowingly ascribe one’s paternity to a man other than one’s biological father

60. Arguing and disputing violently

61. Withholding excess water

62. Giving short weight or measure

63. Feeling secure from Allah’s Plan

64. Offending pious people

65. Not praying in congregation but praying alone without an excuse

66. Persistently missing Friday Prayer without any excuse

67. Usurping the rights of the heir through bequests (to others)

68. Deceiving and plotting evil

69. Spying for the enemy of the Muslims against Muslim’s interest

70. Cursing or insulting any of the Companions of the Prophet

Source: The Major Sins (Al-Kaba’ir) by Muhammad ibn `Uthman Adh-Dhahabi, rendered into English by Mohammad Moinuddin Siddiqui.


Greedy Guns - a vibrant and fun metroidvania with run n’ gun combat inspired by Contra, Gunstar Heroes and Metal Slug.

You play mercenaries of a large corporation who are sent to alien worlds to relieve them of their resources.  Unfortunately for you the aliens don’t take too kindly to this, so you’ll have to ‘persuade’ them, with the aid of some firepower.

The aliens may not be as technologically advanced as you, but they’re pretty deadly, attacking in force and in numbers.  Luckily, you’re able to unlock upgrades to aid your progress and purchase new weaponry with your ill gotten gains. 

With vibrant visuals, satisfying arcade combat, metroidvania-style exploration and a great sense of humor, Greedy Guns is a hoot.  Suit up, boot up, and blast some alien scum (then sell them some guns).

Play the Beta, Free


When I took this photo, my gf had called me over and the two of us stopped for a while in front of this playmobil set to completely dissect the scene taking place on the box.

The man working in the bank is smiling. They’re both smiling. They’re both pleased with the current situation. The woman has a bag, huge shades, and a gun. This has to be a robbery, but the man is happy. Is he in on it? Is it a staged robbery? If the gun wasn’t there, this would look like a normal everyday scene. What is that in the woman’s bag? You’d think she’d have an empty bag to stash her ill gotten gains in, but there’s a truncheon or something in there. What is going on


Now on Kickstarter, The Very Organised Thiefis a first person thief simulator that sets you loose in an unsuspecting families house and gives you a random list of loot to find and steal.

A lot of the items you need to steal can be found lying around the house, but the more valuable stuff is hidden away in nooks and crannies or under lock and key.  You’ll have to be careful when poking around the house though, the owners won’t stand for you nicking their stuff – get caught and you’ll be beaten black and blue.  Manage to escape the house and you’ll be get a score, a thief rating and un uncontrollable urge to try again.

The Very Organised Thief has just started a Kickstarter campaign, and promises to greatly expand on the premise of the prototype.  So if you fancy contributing some of your ill-gotten gains, check out the campaign!

Play the Free Prototype & Check Out The Kickstarter Campaign

Ill-gotten gains ::|:: CLOSED RP w/ Mei-rin-blossoms ::|::


There have been many cases of women caught and turned their lives to the prostitution ring, many in particular are told they will find a lovely place where they never had to work a day in their life, as long as they follow the rules, without knowing what the rules are.

In a small city, brothels are almost everywhere. Unlike harems which are owned by people of a higher social status like kings and sultans, brothels are none other than a whore house where women sleep with strangers for money and do it almost every day.

One day a man sat at a bus stop bench passing busses by as he sat on the fiberglass and concrete bench

the central city pd fundraising at a carnival and barry allen pissed of the captain so now he’s manning the kissing booth. cue, captain cold putting down a twenty and monopolizing barry’s hour. (or barry suspicious that len is using ill gotten gains) OR LEN GETS JEALOUS AT THE LONG LINE 

The Fox and The Crow, a Fable for Children

Once there was a crow who procured a piece of cheese and perched in a tree to begin eating it. A sly fox noticed this, however, and being envious of the crow devised a plan.


The crow, upset by this slander, began to open her beak to speak in her own defense, which caused her cheese to fall to the ground.  The fox pridefully grabbed the cheese for himself while all the other animals stood in uncomfortable silence.

Aesop’s Moral: Don’t give hateful and greedy individuals a platform to harass people. Fox’s Moral: ACTUALLY IT’S ABOUT ETHICS IN GAMES JOURNALISM

Grand Theft Auto IV removed economic opportunity to tell a more honest story

“But no such opportunity to look down from atop the mountain of your ill-gotten gains waits at the end of Niko’s journey. The property management was excised as part of the general paring down of Grand Theft Auto IV that saw unnecessary distractions removed to refocus on Niko’s character and the realism of his grimmer, grimier Liberty City. At first, it was a distressing absence—the removal of a key component of Grand Theft Auto’s identity and the experience of playing it. But ditching the property management feels more intentional than, say, the loss of the truck driving mini-game or any of the other odd jobs that got cut in the leap to the next generation of consoles. GTA4’s Liberty City is a far less hospitable place than any of the previous locations, and the loss of the property management is a huge part of why—nothing in that cruel facsimile of New York City ever feels like it’s yours. But then, nothing in Liberty City ever feels like it’s Niko’s, either.”