ill never miss you

I’m losing my fucking mind over you.
I still love you.
And, without lying to myself, I think I always will.
—  Nicole Torres // excerpt from a book I’ll never write; E.M //

its been so long but im still trying to figure out how you could go from “i love you” to “i don’t care about you anymore” in such a short amount of time

I am not the kind of girl
That people fall in love with
My smile doesn’t melt hearts
Or create butterflies
No one sees me and thinks
“Wow, isn’t she something?”
And when I smile I hope he’s watching
And I hope that it’ll change
And maybe he’ll see that I’m happy
And want to make me feel that everyday
And maybe he’ll fall for my smile
The same way I fell for his
But when I laugh he just laughs at me
And how my eyes squint different shapes when I smile
And my face falls just a little
Just enough that he won’t notice
And my blue eyes lose a bit of their sparkle
But it’s not like he’ll even see
Because his eyes are falling in love with someone else
His eyes that obliviously hold my whole sky
Are gazing at her
And my eyes are a river
Flooding out every night
And never quite as full as they once were
—  Unrequited Love

If you ever start to miss me,


Don’t you dare, after I stopped missing you.
—  Nicole Torres // excerpt
I laugh now
Because I never thought I’d be completely okay with everything
I thought I’d never forget how you hurt me
And all those days I cried
I thought that that was the worst pain I’d ever feel
The worst I would ever be betrayed

We all thought we were so wise then
Much older than we really were
We thought there wasn’t much growing up left to do
When we really hadn’t even started
And I thought I’d been through it all already

I never dreamed of losing you
I really thought I was in love
I never doubted it for a second
And I never thought I’d fill the hole you left in me
Although my entire life was still ahead

But now I look into someone else’s eyes
And see everything we never had
And my heart is not only filled
But overflowing

We all thought we were ready for the world
That we could just skip to the good parts
And it took a while to get us here but
We have all found a place we belong
At least for now

And although it isn’t at each other’s sides
And it’s not where we thought we’d find it
We are here
I am looking at him
And he is every story I’ve ever wanted to write
And you’re just a line in a poem

—  Two Years Later
You drove me insane but at the same time, you were the only thing that kept me sane
—  It’s been 124 days
I am sorry that it is the way it is, I really would love to go back to the friends we were; before I loved you. In the end it was the long conversations I adored, hearing your funny individual view of life. You really were the only one who ever knew what so say and when. It sounds pathetic but through all the mistakes and regret, you really were the best friend I could ask for. So thank you, and take care for me.
—  Texts I’ll never send #2

If you miss her, show it. Or if you have the sudden urge to hold her hands do it. Kiss her lips or her cheeks or her hands or her forehead. Do not let pride take over you. Let the public melt, their opinions and judgments falter and die. Let love and tenderness flood. Storm her heart! Use words, use your eyes, use actions. If she is the one you love, it matters to her, to know that she could rely on your extended hands when her wavering hands tries to reach yours. Show her, you can take on a war, show her that with her by your side you can take on the whole wide world. Show her that goodness hasn’t taken a long immortal nap, that grains and fragments of it still breathe. Help her believe. So kiss her or hold her hand. There is so much in a kiss, there is so much in a touch.

I wanted to get high to forget you.

But I’m so f*cked up right now and all I can think about is how it’s still you. It’s always you.

—  Nicole Torres // excerpt
Please don’t do this. Don’t sit there, asking me questions acting like you care. Don’t ask me how I’ve been or what I’ve been up to lately. Please don’t pretend to have any interest in what I have to say. I know that truth now, that you will never love me the way I love you. So, please don’t pretend to care, it will save me so many sleepless, heart-wrenching nights when you leave again.
—  m.r.s// please don’t pretend you love me again 11:43pm
Although I’ve moved on, I still think about you sometimes and how I wish I could call you and tell you all the things I never had the chance to say. Or maybe I did have the chance, I just never took it. I don’t know. I hope that you are filled with excitement and passion. I hope that you are more motivated, hard-working, sensible, and most of all, content with the person you are growing into. I’m sure your plans for life have changed since you last told me all about them, but plans don’t ever work out the way you want them to. Ours didn’t. So wherever, however, and whoever you end up being, I hope you are bubbling with excitement, sick with passion, consumed by hope, motivated by fear, stronger than pain, and your heart pulses with joy.
—  Everything I Never Said
“do you miss him?”
“no.” she says sternly as she licks the devastation off her lips.
“are you lying?”
“yes.” explained as a sigh of relief falls out of her mouth.
—  Excerpt #200
Your mental health is more important than any kind of school project. Put down that pen and go to sleep. You deserve it. Sometimes you need at break from school, work, or people. Everyone needs breaks sometimes and if the teacher, boss or anyone else doesn’t understand why your report isn’t done, you skipped a day at work, or you didn’t want to see anyone for the day, then just tell them. Tell them that you needed a well deserved break. You are far more important than anything else and you come first. If you don’t want to do something, put it aside for later. Do something you would like every once in awhile.

We were a book with raw emotion, a real story; but you turned us into a fairytale.

And those just don’t exist, do they?

—  Nicole Torres // excerpt; “I wish we existed” E.M
and when we look back on this 20 years from now, i hope you realize it was me fighting to not loose you while you just sat there and watched me bleed.
—  i fought with everything i had and you did nothing.