ill just be on my way

Chronic Illness PSA

Just because you see a chronically ill person doing A Fun Thing, it DOES NOT MEAN they’re no longer ill.

I went to a local show last weekend, an old friend’s band I hadn’t seen in years was playing.
I saved up my spoons for days, AND I’m still paying for it. It’s been almost a week, and I am still recovering.
But as soon as I got there, one of the guys I hadn’t seen in probably 7 years (who is a Facebook friend, and aware of my illness) asked if I was “Better” since I was out. Not just better. He asked if I wasn’t sick anymore. Simply because I showed up.

Granted, I pushed way harder than I should have, that night. I stayed out with them until 5:30 in the morning.
But that is not an accurate representation of what I am consistently capable of.
One fun night of pushing beyond the limits of chronic illness does not equate to Magically Cured.
It doesn’t mean I’ll be able to do it next time.
It doesn’t mean I stop being sick while I’m out.
It doesn’t mean I can go out and get a full time job.
It doesn’t mean I’m actually just blowing people off when I can’t do other things because of my health.
It doesn’t mean anything other than SOMETIMES SOME CHRONICALLY ILL PEOPLE DO FUN THINGS.
It is always, ALWAYS calculated, just as much, if not more, than every single thing we do every day.
Is it going to be worth it? How much pain am I likely to end up in? What complications am I going to run into while I’m out? (spoiler: there’s no way to know).
But if you think a chronically ill person should purposely reduce their life to isolation and illness, even on the beautiful rare days they can do something FUN, come at me Bro. I have a slew of words for you.

Being sick is difficult enough.
Let us enjoy the good days when we get them.
Don’t be an ignorant asshole.

Related note: don’t bitch at us for knowingly sending ourselves into a flare for doing something fun.
Like I said - it’s all calculated.
Some things are worth the flare, when we often flare for no fucking reason anyway.

anonymous asked:

hi I just saw ur speedpaint and it was awesomee (even tho hearing be my bad boy ended my life on the spot) I was wondering if u could explain how u did ? all the lighting/shading like what kind of layers and colors etc ?? if not it's cool it's kind of asking a lot either way thanks for the speedpaint and kinda showing ur process bc ur art is super cool !!!

oh if i do another one should i?? include that?? i just thought the paintin part was all you show bUT ILL BREAK IT DOWN RLLY QUICK!! DONT WORRY IT AINT NOTHIN!!!

OK SO!! when i finish puttin down base colors/some basic coloring i like puttin a shade of SOMETHING over it all so it blends together better

thats what this part is!! i put it on multiply and INITIALLY i put this yellow thing here BECAUSE i wanted to have lighting from the bottom …. but like…when i put it all together and set it on overlay……….

it looked BAD

:T……. SO!!! I CHANGED THE COLOR TO BLUE AND USED IT AS AN OVERLAY SHADING OVER THE MULTIPLY!!

merged it all together with the base colors and whuop!!

THEN!! i added the background and my friend thought it’d be cool if it looked backlit

which is… this. basically. if you needed an example.

SOOOO I PUT MORE PURPLE IN THE MIDDLE PUT THT SHIT ON MULTIPLY

then got the colors from the sunny part of the BG,put them on the outline of wherever the multiply WASN’T nd put that shit on overlay and on a clipping group over the original blended together blueish colors just to make it easier on me.

like this.

to make this

HOPE THT HELPS!!!

like idk its not that im terrible persay but just the way she treats me and talks to me immediately snaps me into an angry tense defensive mode and i say bad stuff and i know i make her upset but its so hard when shes just. when she just is the way she is 

and i was stuck in a car with her for a lot of time today and my head just hurts so much and i dont want to acknowledge so much of what happened idk im just really . tired. of feeling unsure of how to exist around her. 

anonymous asked:

I guess. It just seems like its emotional peak after emotional peak. Like there's nothing else to build up to anymore, so the lich is back and Finn lost his arm again but not really, and then the grass sword turns into Fern but he's gone now, and so on. I can't imagine what they're going to do for the finale that they haven't done before. Finn has already met some kinda celestial being that offered him godlike omniscience.

i guess it could feel that way but personally i don’t have a problem with the current pacing, to each their own

i do agree with finn losing his arm again and not really being bad pacing though, not sure where jmoyns was going with that but he got so much hate over breezy he deleted all his accounts except ig so ill just leave it at that

also i wouldnt underestimate them, my favorite boarders are doing the finale so it should be fine

theyre on a date!!

Langst Prompts

Thought I should do a few of these since I keep staying up at night thinking about them. (ㅇㅅㅇ❀)

-Lance is sick. He doesn’t want to admit he’s coming down with anything. Lance and Keith get into another argument. Lance, in his sick state of mind, pushes a little too far. Keith challenges him to a match and before anyone can intervene, Lance is harshly thrown to the floor for the training deck. Keith is in the middle of claiming his victory when he notices Lance is /still/ on the floor. Queue panic.

-Lance gets corned by the galra. When he tries to signal for help, the galra shoot at the side of his helmet, effectively damaging Lance’s coms and inflicting injury. Through the pain, Lance still tries to get a signal through and hears his team, “Lanc- where are y- St-p fooli- around!” “W- need your he-p!” “He pro-ably -id some-ing stu-id agai-” Lance lays on the ground, watching as the galra descend upon him, and listening to the breaks in static as his team fights on. Without him.

-(modern college au) Its finals week. Lance has been pushing himself nonstop. He finally breaks down after returning home from a full day of exams. Keith and Hunk are Lance’s roommates and they now have to take care of a delirious Lance who thinks he failed and just wants his momma’s hugs.

-Lance gets a concussion on a mission. Thinking its his own fault for getting distracted, he doesn’t tell the team. Lance reasons with himself, /“its fine, its just a small headache anyway.”/ For the most part, everything goes fine. Lance wasn’t the only one to get hurt so he brushes off the pain in his head. /“Just a little longer. If I cant handle this then I shouldn’t be in this war.”/ Its not until the team is leaving that Lance’s condition escalates dramatically, resulting in shouts of concern from the team as Lance fights to stay awake inside Blue’s cockpit. The last thing he hears before passing out, “stay with me, buddy. Lance? Lance!”

-We all know Lance is homesick. But what happens when Pidge figures out how to make an accurate calendar of earth? Lance realizes just how much he’s missed. And even then, its only the tip of the iceberg. Lance’s little sister? Her birthday passed a week ago. His parents? Their anniversary was about a month ago. He missed his little brother’s first day of school. The team doesn’t notice Lance leaving the room. They dont see the tears falling from his wide eyes. They dont hear his door shut or his muffled sobs as he slides to the floor. Because Lance didn’t know it would hurt this bad. To realize you’ve been in space for almost a year. To realize that, next week, your family would be facing the first year anniversary of your disappearance.

-The team really needs a break. Although Allura would love to protest, even she has to know her limits. They stop on a planet that is known to be peaceful. There, they find the equivalent of a beach resort. Lance is ecstatic! He gets to see an ocean again, one that so closely resembles the one at home! Needless to say, he drags everyone into a beach party, one that everyone loves! As everyone is about ready to head back inside, Lance is still floating in the water. He watches as the team packs up their things and starts to swim his way back to shore. And then he notices. He’s not getting any closer to the shore. Lance begins to panic, calling out to the others. They dont hear him. He’s dragged farther and farther out, screaming for help, and disappears under the surface. /“why didnt they help me?”/ The team doesn’t notice until its too late. Or is it?

Hey Tumblr

@staff stop trying to control what I can and can’t look at as a minor. You’re not just filtering out porn, you’re filtering out (as ive seen from myself and others):

1.) characters (because of their names)
2.) sex ed (helpful stuff my dude!!)
3.) ducks ???? ducks, guys
4.) SPIDERMAN?
5.) Shoes! Just shoes
6.) Gorillas??
7.) Artists’ advertising/commissions posts (literally someone’s way to support themselves
8.) non-sexual LGBTQ content. Thanks for telling LGBTQ kids their identity is inappropriate
9.) Tacos
10.) SNAKES
11.) Harry Potter ffs
12.) the sky? i see that every day come on
13.) posts about mental illness. Yknow how a lot of kids cope.
14.) FROGS idk what yall got against water animals
[anyone who sees this add on]

It’s not your job to restrict my life. No other social media does this. Stop. Let me turn this damn safe mode off.

Tower of Dawn

     So I think it’s time this fandom had a sit-down and talked some things out. Today’s topic: ableism. Before all of y’all start jumping on me and dismissing me and trying to say I have no right to talk about this, let me tell you a bit about myself.

     I was born with spina bifida. For those of you that don’t know that is, it’s when a baby’s spinal chord and nerves don’t develop properly. I had my first surgery to help this condition when I was eight days old. The excess amount of scar tissue in my lower back had begun to wrap around my spinal chord, which for obvious reasons is dangerous. I had the same surgery when I was four years old, and that’s when my life changed forever. I’d been able to walk before using a leg brace, but due to a mistake by the surgeon, my left leg was left paralyzed. I was a normal (and I hate using the word normal here, normal is an absolutely useless construct of society, but for lack of a better word at the moment, bear with me) kid, mobile and able to move around as I pleased, and then I couldn’t. I’ve been using a wheelchair since then. I’m not telling you guys this because I want pity. I don’t. I’ve accepted it as part of my life, and I love myself just the way I am. This little explanation is here so you guys can understand exactly where I’m coming from when you read the rest of this post. So with all this in mind, here goes my not-so-little rant.

     DISCLAIMER: I will be calling people out in this post and tagging them because I am done. 1000%, completely fucking done with this fandom. And if this causes a shitstorm, fuck it, because this needs to be said and this fandom needs to learn to stop being hypocritical pieces of crap.

     I love these books. I love Sarah’s writing in general,  and I would read literally anything she wrote. These books, Aelin’s story, Feyre’s story, are so important to me. I don’t have words to describe how much they mean to me. I love talking about them and healthy and constructive conversations about them. And some of the jokes that have been made  by the fandom are some of favorites. I’ve made some of them myself. I’ll joke alongside all of you about wingspans and gold nightgowns for as long as you want.

     I want to make something perfectly clear: this rant is in no way a reflection of my thoughts about her books. This post is exclusively about the fandom’s disgusting behavior.

     So let’s start with this post that I saw earlier.



     Disability is not kinky.

     For those of you that can’t understand that, let me repeat it.

     Disability is not kinky.

     DISABILITY. IS. NOT. KINKY.

     This whole post is horrifyingly ableist. And before you guys start claiming that “I have disabled relatives, I can’t be ableist!” (@rowan-stole-my-heart, I’m looking at you. Remember that conversation last year? Nice to know you’re still disgusting), that’s like saying “I have African-American friends, therefore I can’t be racist!”, which is such an inherently flawed line of arguing that it would require a whole other post to address, so I’ll just say don’t try it. I can’t even begin to fathom the mental process all of these people went through to think that this was even remotely acceptable in any way, shape, or form, so let me break this down and explain to you why this isn’t.

     This, my horrifyingly inconsiderate friends, is a form of fetishism. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, fetishism is the pathological displacement of erotic interest and satisfaction to a fetish. Now that you know what that is, let’s move on.

     This whole fandom has been complaining about a lack of diversity in Sarah’s books since I joined the fandom. Diversity doesn’t just mean POC, which is exactly what this fandom conveniently forgets. Diversity includes POC, people with mental illness, people with physical disability, LGBT+ people, and so much more. And when Sarah finally adds someone who embodies a slice of that diversity, you all have the gall to reduce his situation to sex jokes. All I can say is how dare you. How dare you reduce someone’s life and reality to a kink, to something to be made fun of, to something that spices up your dash and makes it NSFW just because you wanted to make fun of a book cover you probably weren’t satisfied with. In doing so you are insulting the thousands upon thousands of people that are in the same situation. You’re reducing them – reducing me – to a fantasy that you can use and then dismiss the next moment, without regard for anyone’s feelings. Do you have any idea how difficult of a topic sex is for people with disabilities? We are laughed at for wanting sex. Our anxiety when it comes to that is ten times that of any able-bodied person, simply because we don’t fit into the box that society wants to shove everyone into. And you’re making it that much worse because you have the audacity to think the fact that someone can’t move their legs is funny.

     It hurts. Reading that post hurt like hell. Because in your eyes – in society’s eyes – people like me aren’t human. We’re just something to ride, right? Yeah, I didn’t miss that little gem of a comment, @readinglikewildfire.

     And because I know this is coming, no, Chaol isn’t just a character.

     But you know what, I get it. It’s just sex, right? A small joke made, no harm done.

     Wrong.

     You’re perpetuating yet another harmful concept cooked up by a disgustingly ableist society. Sorry, but your privilege and utter ignorance are showing. I will concede a bit and agree that we can treat fiction for what it is – something that isn’t real – up to a certain point. But you guys just crossed a line. For those of you saying that you feel guilty for laughing, you absolutely fucking should, because this shit isn’t funny.

     The fact is if that post had been making fun of race or mental illness, then the fandom would have ripped these people to shreds and they would have been reported many, many times over. But it’s not, and instead I can count on my fingers the number of people that stood up to say this was wrong, because it’s just another wheelchair joke, right? Who cares? To those that did, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, especially @throne-of-omg-the-feels and @midnight-wonder.​ It’s nice to know there’s still some hope for humanity left. And to @nerdperson524, I agree with you. People do need a laugh, even those that live their lives stuck in chairs. But that post? It’s downright offensive.

     So that’s it. I’m done blowing things out of proportion, as some of you will say. If you think I should have approached you privately and messaged you about this instead of publicly calling you out, then maybe, just maybe, you shouldn’t have PUBLICLY insulted mocked degraded an entire subset of the human population. And maybe that makes me a bad person. It certainly means I’m not being the bigger person. And I could honestly care less. I am tired. So sick and tired of constantly being the bigger person, of just staying quiet when I see things like this because what’s the use? The entire world is filled with this shit and it’s not like I can fight every time I see this kind of injustice. Nothing’s going to change, no matter what I do. But this? This is where I draw the line. Congratulations.


@crochanblackbeak @feysandsmut @the-bookish-soul @rowan-buzzard-whitethorn @abraxoswyvernnn @carrion-princess

Another Rant

No, this one is not BTS related, but I can’t help myself from making this one.

I think I’m PMSing and about to start my period and that’s why I’ve been so annoyed and making rants lately.

Now, I know things can’t be 100% accurate, and I’m not directing this towards any one specific person except Stephanie Meyer since this pet peeve started with Twilight

If you are going to write about a certain topic, or include something in your writing, please do at least a minimal amount of research.

The amount of people who will write about something they know nothing about, and refuse to google it saddens me.

This goes for multiple topics.

Children/Pregnancy

As a child development major, this irks me more than it does most people, and as I said, I know things can’t be 100% accurate, and that since not everyone studies child development, there are things they can’t know, but there are somethings that’s just common sense.

Like it’s common sense that a 4 year old will not still be teething.

It’s common sense that a 2 month old will not be sitting up on their own.

It’s common sense that a 1 and a half year old will not be speaking in full grammatically correct sentences.

Onto pregnancy, why does everyone seem to think that you find out the sex of the baby on the first doctor’s appointment? Like, no. The genitalia begin to form at 6 weeks and aren’t finished until 14 weeks. The majority of people have their first appointment during that time frame, meaning it’s impossible to know anyway.

Also, morning sickness does not only happen in the morning, it’s just more common. The amount of times I’ve seen people writing fics about pregnancy, only for something to be wrong with the girl, and when someone questions her she says it’s just morning sickness, “but it’s not the morning”, please stop that.

Also, people will write about a bump at 2 months. If it’s the first pregnancy, like how it is in most fics, a bump usually won’t form until the 2nd trimester, which is 4 or 5 months. Maybe 3 months in some women, but not 2 months.

Smut

Okay, say it with me: the butt hole is not a vagina

The amount of gay smut where they talk about how “wet” the hole is getting when there is no lube or saliva involved, or the amount that says it’s painless without any lubrication. I’m a heterosexual female and even I know that’s not how it works.

Second, girls do not orgasm the same way guys do

A female orgasm is an overwhelming feeling of pleasure followed by sensitivity. There is no “flow of juices” and certainly no “white substance dripping down her thighs”. When “juices” do come out of her, that is called squirting, and only happens very rarely, some women never being able to at all. And after a women squirts, she can be very dehydrated and exhausted, and definitely not ready to go a second round, like described in quite a few fics. There are some women who can squirt quite often, however, they are in the vast minority, and therefore it should not be included in every. single. fanfic. Rarely do I see a fic that accurately describes a female orgasm.

Mental Health

This one really hits home to me, and quite a few others, as I suffer from mental illness, and have for years.

I would really appreciate if the people who don’t have a mental illness, but choose to write about it would do adequate research about the mental illness they have chosen.

I could go on about all the mistakes people have made about many mental illnesses, but I’ll focus on anxiety right now as that’s what I have and is the most common mental illness since it comes in many varieties.

The one that I notice the most is the misrepresentation of Social Anxiety.

In most of the fics I have read that have incorporated Social Anxiety, they always describe it as feeling uncomfortable around strangers, but it is way more than that.

Social Anxiety is:

constantly feeling like everyone in the room is watching you and scrutinizing your every movement

not being able to eat at someone’s house or at a party because your stomach hurts so much that the thought of food makes you want to throw up

wanting to cry when you’re forced to sit close to people you don’t know

being almost 20 years old and not being able to order for yourself at a restaurant

thinking that sitting alone in the car is a better option than having to go inside a place you’ve never been

It is so much more than being uncomfortable around people you don’t know. The feeling I get can’t even be described using the word “uncomfortable”. If you are not actually having anxiety over the situation, it is not anxiety.

Another thing that people don’t research with this is how you get diagnosed. I always see it described as they went to their normal doctor the second they started to have issues, told them they had it, and they automatically get a prescription for medication, and they’re done in 10 minutes. That is not how it happens.

I had been living with anxiety for at least 5 years before ever even going to be formally diagnosed. I didn’t bother with telling my mom I thought I needed more help than just her, who also has anxiety, until after I was tempted to remove the blades from my razor and slit my wrist to where they couldn’t sew it back up.

I had to have suicidal thoughts before realizing “woah I need help”. After that, my mom had to make an appointment at a psychological assessment center, not my regular doctor. That first appointment, it was me, my mom, and a therapist. There was no official diagnosis of that. All it was was the three of us talking, with me and my mom telling her about the struggles I had been having, how long it had been happening, how it gradually got worse, and so on. Then she gave my mom a questionnaire to fill out about what she has observed about me, and gave me one to give to one of my teachers at school to fill out.

A week later, I went back and spent two hours being tested in different ways. They varied from “what do you see when you look at this picture” to testing my memory skills. Two hours. And that wasn’t even the day I was diagnosed.

My mom and I went back a week after that to meet with the therapist, and that’s where she gave me the official diagnosis, the degree it was to, and then discussed treatment options. Then she had to send my regular doctor the results so that she could write a prescription.

It was two more weeks before my doctor got around to it and I was able to start on medication.

It is way more than “oh I’ve been feeling this way”, “okay, here’s some pills to pop”.

If you’re going to write about a mental illness without having it, then at least have the courtesy to research it.

Then comes to the idea that it can be cured and one day they won’t have it anymore. I don’t know how many fics I’ve read where it ends with a completely happy ending in the main character no longer has the mental illness.

That is complete and utter bullshit. Mental illnesses are caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, and those can’t be fixed easily. There is no “cure”, you just get to the point where you can handle it better. There are people with depression who can go years without and episode, then wake up one day with no motivation to even roll over in bed. My mom has some of the worst social anxiety, yet she’s a hair stylist, meaning she has to constantly be around and talk to people she doesn’t know. She has overcome her illness enough that it doesn’t get in the way of her job, but she’s still on medication and she almost had a panic attack when she had to walk me up on stage for the Senior Walk at my final orchestra concert.

Mental illnesses do not have a cure. You just get better at being able to live without them getting in your way.


There are a few authors and works out there that do a great job of trying to be accurate in the topics they write about, but they are sadly outnumbered by the people who just do not care.

So please, if you read this and want to write a fanfic or regular fic about a topic you’re not to sure about, please do at least a minimal amount of research before rather than bullshitting it like Stephanie Meyer did when she decided to write about vampires.

8

If you listen closely you can hear the sound of the Seijou third years laughing at Oikawa

(shoutout to @letsbetrashcans who noticed the wristband in my last kyoken post - I might headcanon the dog as as far out of the closet as they get, yes)

happy or angry? 

both

“So, you’re not into casual sex? Fine, I’ll put on a tux and we’ll call it formal sex.”

said Jungkook as he pinned Jimin to the wall.

bts personality analysis: yoongi

yoongi is hard to analyse because his personality is so complex. he has a lot of sides that he shows the camera — the sleepy, the ‘swag’, the goofy. i think people misinterpret yoongi and see him as ‘lazy’ which is something that i cant even fathom thinking. we only see glimpses of this; when he is doing logs or vlives or at fanmeets — yoongi is the most passionate, kindest person i think ive ever seen. he has this desire so deep inside of him and in his mixtape, you could hear it. he has gone through so much to be where he is today and that makes him empathetic because he is aware of peoples struggles. yoongi is understanding. yoongi loves so deeply but doesn’t like to show it so he is perceived as cold. he cares so much about everything but he cant show it so he is perceived as careless. yoongi is irony. he is passion and desire and kindness wrapped all into one small body. please realise that yoongi cannot express his emotions as well as other members, so he puts his stories and thoughts into his songs.

yoongis personality is really layered, and i think that only a select few people that yoongi sees fit would be able to open him up and see all those layers. i feel like it would be hard to befriend yoongi because he seems to be selective in choosing who he likes and you have to be able to understand who he is and how he would react. but when you start to truly get to know him, yoongi is probably the most affectionate and clingy member in the group. he would be that boyfriend that acts like he doesnt want to be around you but really he would bring you in closer (literally in every analysis ive gone on a rant abt them i need TO STICK TO THE DAMN TOPIC AT  HAND). 

yoongi is very smart. he knows how emotions work and has developed a strong aura for himself which is very hard to do. although he is intelligent, he has a hard time with spontaneity. he needs to have a plan and needs to know everything that he is doing. in his vlive with hoseok, we could see the juxtaposition of their personalities: hoseok really just opened the face mask and put it on, but yoongi read the entire package front to back and followed the steps exactly as it was written. its a simple interaction but it is very telling about how yoongi reacts to situations. he is calculated without the cunning.

yoongi and jungkook are a relationship that is hard to define - i find that most jungkook related relationships are like this but ill get more into that in his analysis. both yoongi and jungkook have trouble expressing themselves so it wont be the most overtly affectionate relationship but i see them both having a lot of respect for one another and just a chill duo who just wanna have a relaxed time. yoongi and taehyung are a fun pair to analyse because they are so different; yoongi values realism and taehyung values optimism. they both see the world in juxtaposing ways and thats why i think that they would be a good pair since i believe that opposites do attract. yoongi and jimin are one of my favourite relationships in bangtan because jimin just wants to please yoongi and yoongi likes to be pleased so its just ?? so perfect??? i rlly dont have much more to say but i just love yoonmin. yoongi and hoseok are my #1 go-to relationship in bangtan. they are the most complex members and together they just fit together so perfectly, as if there personalities were made to be mended together. yoonseok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i lvoe them. yoongi and namjoon are a genius pair. their combined creativity makes for a fierce track and i can only imagine the products that they have in the folders on their laptops. they both have such immense thoughts that together i feel like it would be too intense to sit in a room with them.  jin is most pliant when around yoongi, since yoongi’s character is pretty intense, i wouldn’t have thought that jin would be roommates with him; it just doesn’t seem like a good fit. but it really is kind of perfect. jin has the ability to adapt his personality and knows yoongi’s boundaries and that’s why i think he is the best person to be yoongi’s roommate.

min yoongi - infp/pisces. passionate, emotional, competent, perfectionist.

kim seokjin

i just like making short stupid comics so uuuhhh, yeah

i think takumi is so pretty when he lets his hair down :D