ill fitting suits

All you have to do is make .gifs of yourself wearing an ill fitting suit and, like, a fucking bow tie or w/e and it’s like this whole website creams itself

Pyramid Scheme scammer ends up paying in the end!

(very long story)

About 6 or 7 years ago, I was trying to enlist into the military. I ended up not joining but that’s a story for another time. At this point, I was led to believe I was about 4 months away from leaving for Boot camp. I was running out of savings, and needing a part time job for some spending cash while I waited around.

So I did what any enterprising 20something would do, and searched craigslist for jobs. I normally hate sales jobs, especially those based on commissions, but figured it would be a great way to earn some extra cash short term. Found a few job listings that looked promising, and put out some applications. A few days later I received a call from David. He was opening up a new store and needed associates. He liked my resume and asked if I’d be available for an interview on Friday morning. I was very up front with him, and let him know that the distance was a bit more than I’d normally drive for a retail job, and asked what he was offering for an hourly rate, to see if it was worth the drive. He told me that they were planning on offering an hourly rate in the mid teens, along with commission. Seemed like an ok deal, so I agreed to be there Friday at 8am.

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Mission: Impossible Probably Doesn’t Have This Much Gay Panic

aka that ridiculous super tropey cliched jeremwood gta fic i started ages ago and have now finished as a valentine’s gift for @ryanthepowerbottomguy
rating: m for nonspecific dick mention
content warning for bad humor, deliberately vague heist details, and ryan “you can’t catch me gay thoughts” haywood
on ao3
excerpt:

“It just needs another minute.”

“We don’t have a minute,” Ryan says. He presses an ear against the door and shuts his eyes, tense, waiting, mapping out a dozen escape routes in his head. “We have maybe thirty seconds. Does that work?”

“Look, the thing—it says it needs fifty-three seconds, okay, do you want me to argue with the computer?”

“Well, yeah, that’s what Gavin does!”

“He—okay, wait, no? He definitely doesn’t just argue with the computer, what the hell, what exactly do you think Gavin does when he’s—” Jeremy cuts himself off, goes still and quiet when heavy footsteps stop in front of the door.

“Alright,” Ryan murmurs, shifting to move into a better position to intercept the guy when he comes through the door. “I’ll try to take him down quietly and maybe we won’t, uh, no, what are you doing,” he says, bewildered, when Jeremy vaults himself over the desk neatly and starts moving in Ryan’s direction.

“I saw this in a movie once,” Jeremy says seriously, and then he’s grabbing Ryan by the lapels of his ill-fitting suit and hauling him down to kiss him.

Fully. On the mouth. With tongue. It’s a little dirty.

Ryan wants to say he plays it cool.

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The Seducer ( vi )

Chapter 6: Three Mistakes

Part: one | two | three | four | five | six | seven

Pairing: BTS X READER

Summary: It only takes three mistakes for you to bring down a rival.

Genre: drama, action, humour

Length: 1.3k

A/N: the position she has been given within the gang is literally called ‘the seducer’ therefore giving the fic the name!

“What’s your poison, handsome?” The words fell from your lips with practised precision, and Taehyung watched you from across the roulette table, sitting on a Gucci covered lap of what you had decided the richest man in the room. Most wealthy men were easy to decode, and it only took a few minutes of scrutinising their behaviour to decide on what type of girl they were into; this guy was a lady’s man and seemed to enjoy your confidence and no hesitation, your favourite part to play.

His calloused fingers brushed away the hair from your neck, as you wriggled slightly in his lap, but your gaze was focused on his hand, even as his lips brushed against your neck as he whispered, “get me something strong baby,” you were busy catching Taehyung’s eye, before your hands landed on the table, relaying the cards the man had.

You had been playing the tables at Namjoon’s base hotel for almost a week, and in that short space the boys had seen you in many different lights, yet you still had managed to surprise them when you had climbed onto this man’s lap at the beginning of the night. Although you usually worked with Taehyung or Jimin at the table, Namjoon was usually watching from somewhere with Jeongguk never far from his side. Often you would find yourself staring up, admiring the cream walls and painted ceiling depicting old Greek myths but the chandelier always took your breath away.

That crystal chandelier had probably been there since the hotel had been created, hotels you had stayed at in the past mimicked this atmosphere, creating a fake history for a new building and yet you wondered what that chandelier had seen, what the walls of the hotel would say if they could speak.

“Hurry back, I might lose my winning streak with you gone,” he laughed before placing his hand on the table and pulling the chips towards his chest sending you a wink. But you had to let him win because anyone visiting regularly would recognise one girl walking around, flirting and the endless losing that followed her, it was too suspicious.

The bar was busy as you approached it, sliding in to stand next to a man in a cheap, ill-fitting suit and the girl he was coming on to, she sent you a relieved smile and you recognised the gold choker to symbolise that she was a waitress here - as well as doing other things. It didn’t take long for the bartender to approach you and you tried to muffle your laugh as you saw Jin looking thoroughly annoyed before he slammed a glass to the man next to you.

“Jin, where’s the usual guy?” He tilted his head as if asking himself the same question before he turned his back to start mixing you a drink, and when the man next to you had left he placed it in front of you before leaning in,

“We have a delivery today and Namjoon believes the handover will be the smoothest if I am collecting,” you nodded before sighing. The last two deliveries had resulted in shootings or smaller attacks from the outside and Namjoon’s expression when he called a meeting and demanded you were watched at all times showed you he believed there was a spy, that was most likely you. But you were annoyed that he had forgotten to warn you about the upcoming exchange as you were probably going to be in the line of fire, however, if there was an attack it would prove you weren’t at fault.

Walking back to the table, you felt his eyes on you and leaning slightly you picked up a glass of champagne, watching the small bubbles in the drink rise and the distorted smirk of the man whose lap you would be sitting on in a bit, “Come sit down,” he patted his lap and you met Taehyung’s eyes as you let him know that it was a bad hand.

The game continued as always, you would occasionally lean your head onto his shoulder and whisper dirty thoughts into his mind, and squirming in his lap until he was forced to wrap a hand around your waist, squeezing slightly. But you were getting bored as the night got later, more people leaving and then as your mind zoned out, you caught Taehyung’s desperate gaze.

It wasn’t often you saw him look like this, wide-eyed and lips drawn together and then you released why; it was fear. Your gaze snapped to the bar where Jin was also staring at you now and as the grip on your waist tightened, you realised why; there was a gun being held to your temple.

But this man had already made too many mistakes, as he raised his voice lifting the gun from your temple to point it around the room, “hand over the package and no one dies,” but as the few people left ran through the doors to safety leaving behind the boys, who all looked at you to see what the plan was.

His first mistake was letting you sit on his lap; because no one with this much money did not reciprocate dirty talk with vigour, or at least attempt to take you home because the money they were making, even if it was a particularly lucky night, wasn’t worth missing a good lay. But after finding this out you had realised something was wrong and therefore worked on getting him hard, his mistake was being turned on and therefore since most of his blood had rushed to his dick, you knew he wouldn’t be quick thinking.

His second mistake was letting you get him a drink; you found it too easy to add a few ingredients to his drink to make him more relaxed, to take more risks in the game and if it ever came down to a standoff, to weaken his defences.

The third and most crucial mistake he made was underestimating you; as you spread your legs and punched his dick, trying to stop your laugh as his face scrunched up in pain before he dropped the gun to push you away. You easily hopped off his lap and threw the gun to Taehyung who managed to catch it even as he laughed, but the man had already stopped his moaning as he looked up, the words left his mouth as he reached for the button on his jacket, “fucking whore.”

“You wish you were,” but you had failed to foresee what happened next as he pulled open his jacket revealing a multitude of bombs on his chest. The sight finally made the boys take action as they leapt over tables to reach Taehyung and you, but as Taehyung tried to drag you away with a grip so hard it would bruise, you had other plans.

Easily you broke free of his grasp, sprinting towards the man before drawing back his elbow to smack him in the face with it and as his face snapped back to look you in the eyes and smirk, all the anger and rage at having to be this item simply to indulge men’s fantasies as you drove the palm of your hand into his nose with a sickening crunch.

When his body fell to the floor with a heavy thud, you straddled him as your fists continued to hit his face as you tried to wipe that stupid grin off his face, to erase his words from your mind, to rid yourself of the dirty handprints he had squeezed into you.

And before you knew it, your fist was caught midair and your hands were pulled behind you and clicked into cuffs causing a snarl to leave your mouth, they were trying to stop you. But your hands being bound wouldn’t be enough, so pulling your head back to lock eyes with Jin, you grinned and slammed your head into his nose, the sharp pain finally having you on the brink of passing out.

“That was hot.”



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And tell me your thoughts in the comments/ask box <3

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anonymous asked:

Hi I was hoping to cosplay Link in his Sheikah Armor Set from Breath of the Wild, and I was wondering how to go about making his bodysuit. I'm not quite sure what materials/fabrics would work best. Would the top be more like a breast plate or would it be more stretchy/fitted to the body? How would one go about making something more like a bodysuit? (if that's the case) Sorry for so many questions and thank you for your help! :D

Hello there!

I read this as a bodysuit, not a chestplate, but I also haven’t seen the model in action.

For bodysuits, I would recommend using a pattern, especially if this is your first time making one. Several commercial patterns are available, and we have some tutorials over here.

As for fabrics, you want a fabric with two things: good stretch (4-watch stretch over 50~70% in each direction) and good recovery. Stretch is how far the fabric can be pulled apart without straining, and recovery is how easily it snaps back into shape after you let go. Without both, you’ll end up with an ill-fitted, saggy suit. Here’s some tips on sewing with stretch fabrics.

For this, I would recommend a matte milliskin. This is a stretch material that is very matte in texture and a bit thicker than a ‘regular’ spandex, so it’ll create a slightly heavier look than a thinner material.

I hope that helps! Good luck :]

Fabrickind / Q&A Staff

You got me going again


For @absnow.  Henry/Lizzie from The White Princess Modern AU.  ~1,800 words, rated T for now but definitely gonna have an M-rated part II because I know what I’m about.  (Title from Pink’s You Make Me Sick because I was born in 1985, okay?)


“Whatever it is, the answer’s no,” Lizzie said with her eyes still on the pile of papers on her desk.

She knew without looking up that Henry’s jaw tensed and his nostrils flared.  “It wasn’t a question,” he bit out.  “We have to present to the American investors next week.  They’ll want to see that we’re working under unified leadership so we’re both going. End of discussion.”

He swanned out of her office and Lizzie waited until he was gone to stick out her tongue.  Immature, yes, but Henry Tudor was the bane of her existence.  Her father had built York Industries— pardon, Westminster Industries now— out of nothing, only for this nobody to crawl out of some gutter and take it over.  She’d be damned if he got all the glory of securing a new line of investment, however, so apparently, she was going to New York.  An email from Margaret popped up on her screen, confirming the tickets.

At least he had the sense to book First Class tickets.  But still, she wrinkled her nose at the idea of spending several days with no one but his royal-pain-in-the-arseness to deal with, and then returned to signing the contracts.  She’d deal with him later.


Henry Tudor

9:13pm

Why did your mother think she would be welcome on this trip?


Elizabeth stopped stuffing brushes into her makeup bag and groaned.  Because this company should be hers, not yours she wanted to scream, but instead she ran her tongue across her teeth and angrily tapped out a response.


Elizabeth York

9:14pm

Perhaps because she doesn’t trust someone with absolutely no qualifications to run a multinational company like ours.


Henry Tudor

9:14pm

You mean like mine.


Elizabeth screeched in frustration, the sound echoing around her bathroom.


Elizabeth York

9:14pm

Buying something doesn’t make it yours.  But I can’t imagine someone like you would know that.


Elizabeth York

9:14pm

How much did your last date cost, by the way?


She felt a vicious surge of satisfaction as the message zoomed away, even if it was a low blow.  And truth be told, she was a little annoyed that her mother had tried to talk Margaret into booking her on the trip too— mostly because the optics were terrible— but she understood her mother’s frustration with being out of the loop after running things for so long.  Lizzie couldn’t imagine being sidelined like that, and she knew her mother was going mad up in Grafton with nothing to do but raise the little ones.  Elizabeth Woodville was not meant to be a housewife, anymore than Lizzie was.  

Her phone rattled on the counter with another incoming message.


Henry Tudor

9:20pm

You’re a brat, did you know that?


Lizzie made another face at her phone— sooner or later she was going to slip up and do it to the man himself, which would not be good— and continued angrily packing.

Three days.  She only had to make it three days.

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Ok, my fellow trans guys, it’s time I imparted some secrets regarding how to dress better than James Bond, in clothes that fit, without having to fork out hundred of pounds for custom made stuff.

I always go to H&M for a lot of my clothes. They do great plain tshirts in xs and the heather grey ones do well at hiding any weird lumpiness from my binder. I also get their xs basics shirts for £9.99 but they do a lot of awesome stuff and there;s a lot of choice. 

Jeans can be a nightmare for trans men too, often expensive and hard to find with short inseams, I spent ages looking for a good fitting pair. Until I hit up the H&M kids section. I spent £5.99 for a pair of jeans almost identical to the nearly £30 ones in the mens section. They have jeans with inseams up to 31 inches (though I opt for the 28 inch) and all you have to do is get over the fact that you’re shopping in the kids section and enjoy that sweet saving and perfect fit.

Now, I promised James Bond, and with prom season coming up it’s time we talked about suits. Premium department stores often have a section for kids that includes pageboy clothing or kids suits (thank god for the dapper child movement). These suits often look exactly like their adult equivalents, but cost less. I buy my suits from the John Lewis kids section because I rock a 30/31 inch chest and they provide suit jackets with chest measurements from the insanely tiny 20.5 inch to the more adult 34 inch. They also do suit trousers with inseams up to 31.5 inches. The only problem with these suits is that the buttons are often a bit tacky but if you are that detail orientated it is easy and cheap to go to a tailor and get them replaced.

Shoes can also pose problems, especially for me, at a size 2 my feet are small even for female standards. So, if you are looking to blend in, big brands like doc martens, timberland and converse do boys shoes identical to their mens shoes and so you can just track down the sizes until it fits you.

Also, wingtips can be found in small sizes in the kids section of Next as can small sizes of generic desert boots and other in fashion styles. Talking of Next, they do nice simple boxers in xs that fit small waists and also more expensive ones with superheros and stuff on them.

As a quick example: This is me in a water fight a few days ago. I’m a 5′2″ trans man and yet all of these clothes fit me perfectly. So let’s look at the outfit:

Sunglasses: 2 for £5 from Camden market

Suit Jacket: Navy linen blend suit jacket for boys, age 12, £40 from John Lewis

T-shirt: Basic white T-shirt in xs, £3.99 from H&M 

Jeans: Boys dark blue slim jeans, age 11-12, £5.99 from H&M

Shoes: Blowfish brown boots, size 3, £21 from Schuh

Water pistol: 4 for £1 from poundland

Outifit price: around £74 and it all fits me perfectly. That’s less than the price of a single ill fitting polyester suit jacket from the Next mens section.

Now go forth and out dress everyone you know!

6

Suda Masaki (Tamiou) in J Movie Magazine, vol.02 (2015).

I admit, when I saw these pages I made noises that may not have been entirely human in nature

A Taste of Other

Fourth in the sensory series sparked by @lepus-arcticus and the @txf-fic-write-in word vomits.

You can read See Me  Hear You and Healing Touch

He has seen his life in another’s arms. Diana Fowley was posed as his wife, the mother of his children. He didn’t like it. It stung and galled and burned. Now, in his sleep, he pushes away the lingering memories, or are they dreams? His body has almost recovered but he worries that his mind may never be entirely his own again. He is thankful that Scully is attentive in the field these days, flirty almost. He likes this side of her. A little reminder of the young woman she was way back when, the girl in the ill-fitting suit, with the wide-eyed innocence masking the cutting intellect. The girl who smiled.

But what of Scully’s life in another’s arms? He is trying to imagine this Daniel, the professor who should have known better, but fell headlong into the temptation of a young Dana. What was it about this man? She is trying to explain, but he can’t get past the idea of her in a Buddhist temple having a life-changing moment without him. He wants to delve further into the visions and the collective unconscious and auras. But she needs to talk about Daniel. About what has been and about what might have been.

He is expounding about fate and destiny when he turns to see she is asleep. In this state, she is returned to that young girl, that innocent, and his heart aches. There has been a pull, a gravity to their relationship recently. Something shifted earlier in the year. He kissed her on New Year’s Eve. And since, he has tested and weighed and measured their partnership. Using her science practices to test something intangible. He pulls the blanket over her and ponders the way life has led them to this point.

What if she had declined Blevins request to debunk his work? Would she be Chief Medical Examiner somewhere more exotic than DC? What if she hadn’t been returned? Would he have finally succumbed to the ever-present darkness that often threatened to overwhelm him? What if Emily had lived? Would she have stepped back from her work to be the kind of mother he knew she could be? And what if he’d pushed her too hard to believe in his quests, his notions, his ideals? Would she have thrown her hands up and walked away?

How many times has fate stepped in to save them? How many times has destiny turned on itself and shown them a different path? How many ways can he be thankful that despite all they’ve endured, they are here together in his apartment? He pushes her hair out of her face. Under his touch she is cool so he tucks the blanket under her chin. His bed sheets are cold and he curls on his side, hugging his knees and wonders how she would feel against him.

In his dream she is naked. She is a beauty, all pale skin and rose tips and gentle valleys. She is pliant and serious and otherworldly. She is silence and an echoing avalanche. But when he looks he is not him. He is Daniel and she is young and scratching his back with her naiveté. She slips away from him, folding in on herself like a transition between frames.

When he looks again she is with Jack, fire blazing and snow falling. She is stronger here, wears her vulnerability close to her skin and shucks it off when she needs to. He can almost reach her, in this dream, he stretches his fingers out, greedy for her touch.

The third time she is fiery and mutinous. She is breathing fast and hard and she throws off her mantle of prudence. She shakes her flaming hair down her back and he spreads his hand out desperate to follow the path of her spine down to the snake that is there to remind him of the infinite cycle of reinvention. But he is Ed Jerse, eyes wild and mind wilder.

He wakes with a start. He shivers and goes to pull the duvet further up his body but it is stuck. He turns to sit and she is there, at the side of his bed, holding the covers. She is undressed save for her underwear. In the shadows of his room and in the shadows of his mind she is even more beautiful than he has ever imagined.

“Are you sure, Scully?”

“I think this is the right path for us, Mulder.”

She slips under the sheets and presses herself into him. His arms engulf her and he pulls her even closer. He bends to kiss her and she tastes like coffee and sleep and promises. He savours the salt and the sweet, he bites and sips and nibbles and samples. She is gourmet and home-style and his appetite for her is voracious. He has never tasted better and he knows there will be no other.

She is gone before he wakes but when he opens his eyes he sees clearly for the first time in years.

27 dresses AU where Hux has planned and been a groomsman in 27 weddings, each with a different ridiculous suit.
It isn’t until Hux meets and eventually marries the snarky Kylo Ren that he gets to wear his own perfect, stylish tux.
This au is 100% an excuse to picture Hux in a variety of eclectic and possibly ill fitting suits

So Will keeps getting that godawful aftershave at Christmas.  The question is, who keeps on buying it for him?

The fact that Will keeps getting it suggests it’s a gift from someone who’s been in his life for a while.  The choice of that particular brand *cough* Old Spice *cough* says to me that it’s either an ironic gift, or a present from someone older.  It’s precisely the sort of thing that a relative – someone like a granny or an aunt – would buy.

Will never really talks about his family.  When Hannibal pushes him on the subject, his reply shows no affection – quite the opposite, in fact.  In 1.04, he says, ‘There’s something so foreign about family.  Like an ill-fitting suit.  Never connected to the concept.’  But it seems to me that there is still at least one family member around, likely one who doesn’t know him very well, and maybe doesn’t much like him, but who feels obliged to send a token present every Christmas.

anonymous asked:

Natan 11.' We're actually being silly for once' kiss?

“No.”

“Please, you’ll like it.”

“I’ve actually never liked a single movie pick of yours, Natalie.”

“Yeah? Well everything you pick has blood in it.”

Lucifer groaned melodramatically and sunk back into the couch, and Natalie counted it as a silent victory and slid the disc in the player. She settled in on the couch next to him as a large, white lettered title decorated the screen, and soft string music played on the main menu.

The movie panned over a grassy field, then dramatically cut to a woman facing a stack of papers and an endless pile of stress assigned by her overbearing boss in an ill-fitting suit. After another round of lighthearted background music as the quirky blonde realized her life wasn’t what she wanted, Lucifer crossed his arms and frowned.

“I swear, girl, if this is another movie where the blonde girls moves away, meets a perfect guy, then contracts a deadly disease, I’m gonna scream.”

Natalie leaned closer to Lucifer and slapped his chest, “Not a disease, amnesia.”

He chewed on the word thoughtfully before nodding slowly, like it made perfect sense, “Oh yes, amnesia. Of course.”

She didn’t move away from him, and he watched her eyes light up as the girl finally motivated herself enough to get away from the big city, and move away to the country. It was a tired plot that he’d seen for decades, but he supposed humans were buying exactly what was being sold.    

The onscreen onslaught of rain indicated that something sad was about to happen, and he perked up as Natalie’s lower lip trembled slightly, and the sharp bark of laughter that escaped him startled her.

He bumped his shoulder with hers, “You’re not crying over this, are you, girl?”

Natalie turned her face up towards his, her cheeks shining in the light of the TV, “N-no,” she argued, a sniff making her protest sound pathetic.

Lucifer hummed low in his throat and nodded, “Next time I get to pick the movie.”

“Aren’t even gonna wait until the credits roll to whine,” Natalie teased, shaking her head melodramatically, “typical.”

“Not my fault everything you pick is shitty romance.”

At that, Natalie laughed, “So quick to judge. As if you know real romance.”

“Watch who you’re talking to,” Lucifer said, gesturing broadly to himself, “I’ve been alive long enough to know what real romance is.

The couple on screen was shouting over the pounding rain, confessing their love that they were too afraid to admit, too afraid it would ruin things between them. The indistinguishable main character strode over to the blonde girl and held her face for a brief second before kissing her, and both looked fairly perfect for being rain soaked.

Natalie ignored the playing scene, “Oh yeah? And what’s that old man?”

Lucifer’s eyes flickered up to the TV screen for a flash, and then pressed his lips to Natalie’s in a quick moment that had her gasping against his lips. The shock only lasted a moment before Natalie matched his energy, kissing him like she was starved for his touch.

Her fingers snapped as she raked them through his hair and pulled herself closer, but the pain didn’t distract from the softness of her lips against his, and he tilted his head back to follow her. He would have chased her out in the rain and kissed her until he drowned, but she would never run from him. Natalie had practically climbed into his lap at her insistence, and when she finally broke the kiss, she laughed against his lips.

When he finally spoke again after a few, long breaths, Natalie could taste his words against her skin, “Real romance is nothing involving amnesia, that’s for sure.”

DickDamiWeek: Sunday

Prompt: Assassin!Damian
Challenge Prompt: Mr. & Mrs. Smith AU
A/N: This combo was chosen by @mattsmanpain when I put a shoutout for numbers. It’s nice how this one worked out so neatly!
Relationship Stats: romantic (married)

His marriage was failing.

Despite stubbornly trying to ignore it, it was a fact that weighed heavily on Damian’s mind as he set up his rifle in the grungy bathroom five stories up from the cafe that sat at the opposite street corner.

One would think that having a yoga and pilates instructor as a significant other would forever keep things spiced up in the bedroom, but their passion had simmered down to the level of a boiled fish.

Damian blamed the fact that Richard was too open with his celebrity status thanks to Instagram. This led him to being highly requested by the rich and famous all around the world. And Richard had a hard time saying no to his adoring fans. So off he constantly went, carted to random ends of the world, where he taught exclusive classes for exorbitant amounts of money to whomever would have him.

Granted, Damian’s own schedule was hardly much better thanks to being a world renowned assassin.

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the perfect day // yoongi x reader

the perfect day
yoongi x reader // pg-13 // 505
Today, everything should be perfect.

a/n: this is why i shouldn’t be left alone with Sistar’s Lonely. It’s a hella sad song. also, i suppose this means i’m not on hiatus anymore? well, not for long since school starts august but let’s cross that bridge when we get there

also. let’s pretend this gif matches the fic :)

Originally posted by yoongichii

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Masterpost of my fanfics

I’ll try to keep this post updated regularly.
I can be found on FanFiction.net, as well as AO3

Call the Midwife

Series:

- Kiss, interrupted. What if Doctor T and Sister B had kissed, only for Sister Julienne to find them? Sister B has some serious thinking to do regarding her life as a nun. Somehow, a metaphor surrounding cake and biscuits snuck its way in here. My first fic EVAH.

TW for abuse.

Part one  -Part two  -Part three  -Part four  -Part five  -Part six  -Part seven

-Lips touch. Based on the amazing fic by @kienova66, in which she details twenty possible ways in which Sister B and Doctor T could have shared their first kiss. Now, I’ve tried to near her perfection in these ten fics. UPDATE: it’s going to be fifteen fics, now. The first ten are a mixed bag of the silly, the (sometimes a bit overly) dramatic, and the sweet, and all inlcude a proper kiss on the mouth/a snog. The last five, though, are more serious and written with the idea that these COULD have happened, though they probably didn’t. They also explore other kisses that don’t include two mouths.
TW: assault (chapter 1), alcohol abuse (chapter 2), abuse (chapter 6)

Part one   - Part two  -  Part three  -  Part Four-   Part Five-  Part SixPart Seven-   Part Eight-  Part NinePart TenBonus PartPart Eleven-   Part TwelvePart ThirteenPart FourteenPart Fifteen

-Bold Girl (Sometimes). In which I try my hand at smut, with mixed results. Based on an anonymous Tumblr ask, asking if I could write something in which Shelagh is the instigator in the bedroom.
This will probably remain four chapters long, because smut is just not my thing+ there was a bit of controversy around these fics. All in all I had fun writing them, but I’ll leave it at this.
TW: none, I think. 

Part One-   Part Two-   Part Three-   Part Four

-Fragments. A series of asks in which the asker gave me a first sentence+a ship and I had to write the next five sentences. A variety of people and situations. Possibly one of the most entertaining things I’ve written!

Ask One-   Ask Two-   Ask Three-   Ask Four-   Ask Five-   Ask Six-   Ask Seven-   Ask Eight-   Ask Nine-   Ask Ten-   Ask Eleven-   Ask Twelve-   Ask Thirteen-   Ask Fourteen-   Ask Fifteen-   Ask Sixteen-   Ask Seventeen-   Ask Eighteen-   Ask Nineteen-   Ask Twenty-   Ask Twenty One-   Ask Twenty Two-   Ask Twenty Three-   Ask Twenty Four-   Ask Twenty Five-   Ask Twenty Six-  Ask Twenty Seven-   Ask Twenty Eight-   Ask Twenty Nine-   Ask Thirthy-   Ask Thirty One-   Ask Thirty Two-   Ask Thirty Three-   Ask Thirty Four-   Ask Thirty Five-   Ask Thirty Six-   Ask Thirty Seven-   Ask Thirty Eight-   Ask Thirty Nine-   Ask Fourty-   Ask Fourty One-   Ask Forty Two-   Ask Forty Three-   Ask Forty Four-   Ask Forty Five-   Ask Forty Six-   Ask Forty Seven-   Ask Forty Eight-   Ask Forty Nine-   Ask Fifty-   Ask Fifty One-   Ask Fifty Two-   Ask Fifty Three-   Ask Fifty Four-   Ask Fifty FiveAsk Fifty Six-  Ask Fifty SevenAsk Fifty EightAsk Fifty Nine-  Ask Sixty
TW: none, I think.

-Adventures in Faerie. When Angela starts her ‘fairies live in our garden’ phase, Patrick discovers more about Shelagh’s childhood, and decides to do something special for her.
TW: none, I think, though chapter 4 does head into the uncanny. What can I say? Angela is an imaginative child ;).
Chapter 1- Chapter 2-Chapter 3-Chapter 4- Chapter 5-Chapter 6- Chapter 7

Oneshots:

-Rainy Road. What if the misty road scene had become a rainy road scene instead?
TW: none, I think. 

-This Unbearable Heat. Some sexual tension between a married Shelagh and Patrick, which involves a toy rabbit, a tin of formula, and a rainstorm.
TW: none, I think. 

-Greetings, Doctor. A steamy phone conversation between Patrick and Shelagh, because Patrick didn’t get to show his appreciation for his wife’s uniform properly that morning
TW: none, I think. 

-Scars and Kisses. Shelagh thinks back on the previous few weeks during the ride to the adoption agency to pick Angela up.
TW: none, I think. 

-Four things to be proud of. Trixie Franklin has four things she is proud of. When she sees Shelagh in those drab, ill-fitting suits, she simply has to employ one of them to help her friend. She didn’t expect a shopping trip to teach her a bit more about herself, though.
TW: none, I think. 

-Home. Shelagh takes a bit of time to reflect on her new house in the middle of the night with Teddy in her arms.
TW: none, I think. 

-Stripes. Trixie is insecure about her body post-baby, so Christopher decides to give her a bit of a pep-talk.
TW: none, I think. 

-Unconventional Motherhood. Phyllis and Sister Julienne have a conversation about unconventional motherhood when Phyllis struggles to understand her emotions after Barbara’s wedding.
TW: none, I think. 

-Unconventional Daughterhood. A companion piece to Unconventional Motherhood, though both can be read separately. Barbara and Shelagh have a good conversation about what name to give to friendships that don’t always fit that label.
TW: none, I think. 

-A First Time. Trixie’s and Christopher’s wedding night. Steamy, as you can imagine.
TW: none, I think. 

-Tension. Every marriage has its little fights, but what happens when Angela Turner picks up on the tension between her parents and has a nightmare as a result?
TW: none, I think. 

-Strife. Every marriage has a bit of strife sometimes. When Patrick ignores a pile of unfolded nappies, Shelagh can’t control her anger. This fic explores how little tensions can come out in an argument that started over a little thing, but also how these two talk things through and make up. A companion piece to Tension.
TW: none, I think. 

-A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes. When Sister Bernadette wakes up from a troubling dream, she turns to Sister Julienne for advice.
TW: none, I think.

-Beasts in the Bedroom. Angela has the firm belief, like most children of her age, that her room harbours a vast array of monsters. What happens if she decides to vanquish them, only to hear strange sounds from her parents’ bedroom?
TW: none, I think. 

-Once Upon a Dream. A fic in which Patrick explains a young Angela how he and Shelagh met. Since it is almost a fairy tale in and of itself, Patrick takes some liberties, borrowing from Disney’s Sleeping Beauty.
TW: none, I think. 

More to come, I’m sure

I forgot...

I forgot how salty these men can be.

First POT date of being back in the bowl. I meet this guy at an lower priced seafood place that’s downtown. I show up early to scout the place out, weathers lovely, place is pretty decent for my area. I find out where our reserved table was, excuse myself to the bathroom. Touch up my make-up and give myself the ‘you’re amazing and worth every penny this man has’ speech. I go back out and this guy shows up in an ill-fitting suit and looks about 5 years older than his photos….EW but I persevere through it.

We get to talking and he’s not that bad. Until he starts talking about buying me items from Victoria Secret and having me send him photos of what I’m trying on… Umm, What? I don’t think so. I just simply smiled and said, “ I don’t find that their items usually fit my body type. I usually go shopping at Agent Provocateur and I’d rather model them in person” All of this very true. Photos can be used to slap you in the face later. So, I try and avoid them. ( I have identifying tattoos or else a faceless picture would be fine )

Towards the end of the date, he comments on how expensive the place is, I saw the bill 3 drink and 2 entrees for $71 (Red Flag #2) And I sneak the question about what he’s looking for. He has the nerve to say it’s MORALLY wrong for him to pay me cash or paying my bills for sexual favors but he would be more than comfortable giving me gifts. Just not every time we meet but had the nerve to emphasize that sex would happen every time. Salt please. Get up out of here with that thirsty shit.

When he asked about my availability I just smiled and apologized. Stating that because of school starting I had to pursue more lucrative avenues.

Ladies, never settle! Never forget what you’re worth!