ill fitting suits

Pyramid Scheme scammer ends up paying in the end!

(very long story)

About 6 or 7 years ago, I was trying to enlist into the military. I ended up not joining but that’s a story for another time. At this point, I was led to believe I was about 4 months away from leaving for Boot camp. I was running out of savings, and needing a part time job for some spending cash while I waited around.

So I did what any enterprising 20something would do, and searched craigslist for jobs. I normally hate sales jobs, especially those based on commissions, but figured it would be a great way to earn some extra cash short term. Found a few job listings that looked promising, and put out some applications. A few days later I received a call from David. He was opening up a new store and needed associates. He liked my resume and asked if I’d be available for an interview on Friday morning. I was very up front with him, and let him know that the distance was a bit more than I’d normally drive for a retail job, and asked what he was offering for an hourly rate, to see if it was worth the drive. He told me that they were planning on offering an hourly rate in the mid teens, along with commission. Seemed like an ok deal, so I agreed to be there Friday at 8am.

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  • Jontron: *spouts basic neocon platitudes about oppression and "the sjws"
  • People: *are critical of this and understandably frustrated with the acceleration of white people's comfort with which they express vitriolic, ignorant, and dehumanizing views*
  • Some white guy with a my little pony avatar or a picture of himself in a an ill-fitting suit: "wow, I guess people aren't allowed to have differing opinions and express accurate political commentary. It seems like jontron was right... it's the sjws who are the intolerant ones."
Mission: Impossible Probably Doesn’t Have This Much Gay Panic

aka that ridiculous super tropey cliched jeremwood gta fic i started ages ago and have now finished as a valentine’s gift for @ryanthepowerbottomguy
rating: m for nonspecific dick mention
content warning for bad humor, deliberately vague heist details, and ryan “you can’t catch me gay thoughts” haywood
on ao3

“It just needs another minute.”

“We don’t have a minute,” Ryan says. He presses an ear against the door and shuts his eyes, tense, waiting, mapping out a dozen escape routes in his head. “We have maybe thirty seconds. Does that work?”

“Look, the thing—it says it needs fifty-three seconds, okay, do you want me to argue with the computer?”

“Well, yeah, that’s what Gavin does!”

“He—okay, wait, no? He definitely doesn’t just argue with the computer, what the hell, what exactly do you think Gavin does when he’s—” Jeremy cuts himself off, goes still and quiet when heavy footsteps stop in front of the door.

“Alright,” Ryan murmurs, shifting to move into a better position to intercept the guy when he comes through the door. “I’ll try to take him down quietly and maybe we won’t, uh, no, what are you doing,” he says, bewildered, when Jeremy vaults himself over the desk neatly and starts moving in Ryan’s direction.

“I saw this in a movie once,” Jeremy says seriously, and then he’s grabbing Ryan by the lapels of his ill-fitting suit and hauling him down to kiss him.

Fully. On the mouth. With tongue. It’s a little dirty.

Ryan wants to say he plays it cool.

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“Oh man, I got a crush
Got a psychedelic dagger in my heart
Lil’ homie, tell them paramedics rush ‘cause she’s in her 20’s

Man I’m 19 on the scene, lookin’ clean
But what does that mean? Cause she’s in her 20’s
I got somethin’ to say
Have you ever had a crush?
Have you ever had a rush?
Make my heart stop, but she didn’t even blush
Cause she’s in her 20’s
Have you ever felt lust? Cause she’s in her 20's”

- Jaden Smith, Let It Breathe

Jungkook in The Fitting, by @noona-la-la-la

27 dresses AU where Hux has planned and been a groomsman in 27 weddings, each with a different ridiculous suit.
It isn’t until Hux meets and eventually marries the snarky Kylo Ren that he gets to wear his own perfect, stylish tux.
This au is 100% an excuse to picture Hux in a variety of eclectic and possibly ill fitting suits

anonymous asked:

Natan 11.' We're actually being silly for once' kiss?


“Please, you’ll like it.”

“I’ve actually never liked a single movie pick of yours, Natalie.”

“Yeah? Well everything you pick has blood in it.”

Lucifer groaned melodramatically and sunk back into the couch, and Natalie counted it as a silent victory and slid the disc in the player. She settled in on the couch next to him as a large, white lettered title decorated the screen, and soft string music played on the main menu.

The movie panned over a grassy field, then dramatically cut to a woman facing a stack of papers and an endless pile of stress assigned by her overbearing boss in an ill-fitting suit. After another round of lighthearted background music as the quirky blonde realized her life wasn’t what she wanted, Lucifer crossed his arms and frowned.

“I swear, girl, if this is another movie where the blonde girls moves away, meets a perfect guy, then contracts a deadly disease, I’m gonna scream.”

Natalie leaned closer to Lucifer and slapped his chest, “Not a disease, amnesia.”

He chewed on the word thoughtfully before nodding slowly, like it made perfect sense, “Oh yes, amnesia. Of course.”

She didn’t move away from him, and he watched her eyes light up as the girl finally motivated herself enough to get away from the big city, and move away to the country. It was a tired plot that he’d seen for decades, but he supposed humans were buying exactly what was being sold.    

The onscreen onslaught of rain indicated that something sad was about to happen, and he perked up as Natalie’s lower lip trembled slightly, and the sharp bark of laughter that escaped him startled her.

He bumped his shoulder with hers, “You’re not crying over this, are you, girl?”

Natalie turned her face up towards his, her cheeks shining in the light of the TV, “N-no,” she argued, a sniff making her protest sound pathetic.

Lucifer hummed low in his throat and nodded, “Next time I get to pick the movie.”

“Aren’t even gonna wait until the credits roll to whine,” Natalie teased, shaking her head melodramatically, “typical.”

“Not my fault everything you pick is shitty romance.”

At that, Natalie laughed, “So quick to judge. As if you know real romance.”

“Watch who you’re talking to,” Lucifer said, gesturing broadly to himself, “I’ve been alive long enough to know what real romance is.

The couple on screen was shouting over the pounding rain, confessing their love that they were too afraid to admit, too afraid it would ruin things between them. The indistinguishable main character strode over to the blonde girl and held her face for a brief second before kissing her, and both looked fairly perfect for being rain soaked.

Natalie ignored the playing scene, “Oh yeah? And what’s that old man?”

Lucifer’s eyes flickered up to the TV screen for a flash, and then pressed his lips to Natalie’s in a quick moment that had her gasping against his lips. The shock only lasted a moment before Natalie matched his energy, kissing him like she was starved for his touch.

Her fingers snapped as she raked them through his hair and pulled herself closer, but the pain didn’t distract from the softness of her lips against his, and he tilted his head back to follow her. He would have chased her out in the rain and kissed her until he drowned, but she would never run from him. Natalie had practically climbed into his lap at her insistence, and when she finally broke the kiss, she laughed against his lips.

When he finally spoke again after a few, long breaths, Natalie could taste his words against her skin, “Real romance is nothing involving amnesia, that’s for sure.”

I forgot...

I forgot how salty these men can be.

First POT date of being back in the bowl. I meet this guy at an lower priced seafood place that’s downtown. I show up early to scout the place out, weathers lovely, place is pretty decent for my area. I find out where our reserved table was, excuse myself to the bathroom. Touch up my make-up and give myself the ‘you’re amazing and worth every penny this man has’ speech. I go back out and this guy shows up in an ill-fitting suit and looks about 5 years older than his photos….EW but I persevere through it.

We get to talking and he’s not that bad. Until he starts talking about buying me items from Victoria Secret and having me send him photos of what I’m trying on… Umm, What? I don’t think so. I just simply smiled and said, “ I don’t find that their items usually fit my body type. I usually go shopping at Agent Provocateur and I’d rather model them in person” All of this very true. Photos can be used to slap you in the face later. So, I try and avoid them. ( I have identifying tattoos or else a faceless picture would be fine )

Towards the end of the date, he comments on how expensive the place is, I saw the bill 3 drink and 2 entrees for $71 (Red Flag #2) And I sneak the question about what he’s looking for. He has the nerve to say it’s MORALLY wrong for him to pay me cash or paying my bills for sexual favors but he would be more than comfortable giving me gifts. Just not every time we meet but had the nerve to emphasize that sex would happen every time. Salt please. Get up out of here with that thirsty shit.

When he asked about my availability I just smiled and apologized. Stating that because of school starting I had to pursue more lucrative avenues.

Ladies, never settle! Never forget what you’re worth!

anonymous asked:

Does college au Ham wear like normal pattern suits or are they like. Oversized paisley monstrosities and really gross plaid

i still maintain that he switches between like 2 relatively plain but ill-fitting suits as a freshman and gradually learns how to dress himself by junior year


Suda Masaki (Tamiou) in J Movie Magazine, vol.02 (2015).

I admit, when I saw these pages I made noises that may not have been entirely human in nature

anonymous asked:

what kind of jobs has agent green had before working for the AM? or was he born like, that

First of all, I love the image of Agent Green just springing into existence, fully formed, as an AM lackey. He just shows up in an ill-fitting suit one day and no one questions it. 

Anyway, you’re not the only one who’s curious about Agent Green: 

Patient intake/registration/general client relations is a major part of Agent Green’s job. Also checking in on past patients and other therapists/consultants who work with atypicals, like Dr. Bright. He’s not a statistics/science guy. 

Owen Green (not his real last name, of course) has worked for The AM for the majority of his professional life. He has a degree in social work and worked for a non-profit after graduating before getting hired by The AM. 

harmonization replied to your post:

LOL did you notice that matt’s tie had this really visible crease in it, like he folded it up and didn’t iron it before he put it on. and it was kinda crooked in most of the glaad photos. i cried someone please save this boy

i did lol you could see during the speech, too. he looked pretty good at glaad last year so i don’t know what happened to him here did his stylist bail? did the plane lose his luggage?? the world may never know.

highwarlockkareena replied to your post:

every time i saw matt’s loose ill fitting suit next to harry’s beautifully tailored one i died a little. (top man sale suit @yayra)

TOP MAN SALE SUIT BYE DELETE THIS he really did look like an out of place prom date 

anyway to cure all of you of your ails here’s matthew daddario in a suit that actually fits

Boy 412 looked very odd. He was wearing an ill-fitting multicolored knitted suit, consisting of a baggy patchwork sweater and some very droopy knitted shorts. But his red beanie hat was still crammed firmly onto his head and was steaming gently dry in the heat of the kitchen, while the rest of his clothes dried by the fire.

An Iconic look like this had to be drawn

An Odd Encounter

Title: An Odd Encounter

Genre: AU, Fluff, Getting Together

Word Count: 3, 250

Warnings: None!

Description: In which Dan safely helps a stranger remove himself from an embarrassing situation on the subway.

Author’s Note: Ugh, only in fanfiction would this ever actually happen. (Please remember that this is fiction.)

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