ill do more when i feel like it

I don’t think my little heart can take much more lol. I don’t actually feel suicidal but lately all I can think is that I regret not just doing it when I started getting the urge bcus I feel better now but I don’t feel like where I am now or anything that happened from there to here was really anything I would’ve missed.

Sorry 2 b depressing but we have work men in the house and I have a lot of things I don’t want to do and. Ugh is Any Of It Worth It.

I really don’t think Paige really loves Emily, it always feels like a competition when she’s around Emily. We know she has an abusive competitive past:

Those are just examples of her abusive competitive past. but when she’s around Emily she seems to care more about Alison than Emily.

It’s like

Emily: Hey

Paige: Okay, so Alison is a BULLY!! she needs to go to jail!!

Those are all from season 1-4, but even her recent behavior is terrible. Who in their right mind blames someone for having a mentally ill and an abusive con husband? She’s doing everything she can to get Emily to hate Alison and she’s been doing this for YEARS. It’s sad and embarrassing. 

besides her victim blaming, she’s also known for being obsessive and a stalker. Paily fans like to hate on Alison for being an adult with a bitchy attitude, but guess what, she’s a pregnant, hormonal, jealous women. I’d like to see Paily fans find an excuse for her stalking Emily or do they only have selective memory?

on top of all that, she gets a job at Rosewood High School as an athletic supervisor, something that didn’t exist until Paige got there..

Now, I don’t think Paige is trying to get close to Emily because she loves her, but because she’s working with AD. The picture below (credit: broswatchplltoo) shows AD/AD’s helper with hair exactly like Paige’s hair and I’m sure it’s not a wig because Jenna’s blind.

I came on Tumblr, saw a post that aggravated me and decided to make this so it wasn’t planned and is probably all over the place but hopefully it’s understandable 

Witchy things to do when you’re low on spoons

As a witch with a chronic illness that can leave me extremely low on energy for weeks at a time, I’m always looking for witchy things to do that won’t leave me exhausted. Even simple spells draw from your own energy pool so these are the things I do when my pool is running dry.


  • Cleansing -  Negative energy always builds up in my space during a bout of sickness, after a good cleansing of my outer I find my inner much more positive also. Here are some easy ways to cleanse

-Light some incense
-Fill a spray bottle with water (moon water would be handy for this), herbs of your choice (I usually use sage), and some salt. Then go around to each room and spray some into each corner
-Cleanse yourself by taking a bath or shower and using gorgeous smelling products
-Open a window and let the fresh air blow positive energy into your house

  • Sigils -  When I don’t have the energy for full-on spells/rituals I sit down and make some cute sigils. I try to make them specific to my situation, so when I am feeling especially down because of health issues I will make a sigil with the intent “My health does not affect my mental state” or something similar. You can also

 -Put a sigil on your pill bottles for a little boost (although magic is NOT a replacement for medicine and you should never completely rely on it for any health issues)
-Put a sigil on your heat bags/hot water bottle
-Draw them on your wrist
-Draw them at the bottom of your tea mugs with honey

  • Beauty Products -  Being stuck in bed feeling like death himself can make me feel, well, not awesome appearance wise. I found making myself feel nice on the outside can help my moral SO MUCH. I don’t mean you have to get up and put on a full face of make-up, but these little things can make a big difference

-Rosehip oil spray. It smells amazing, has many magical benefits including health and feeling calm and sensual, and is super refreshing with the added bonus of being rly good for your skin
-Scented lip balm for when your lips are feeling dry and sore eg I have pomegranate lip balm for when I want to make an offering to Persephone but have absolutely no energy. They come in sooo many flavors and scents, just pick which ones resonate with what you need!
-Perfume/essential oils. Just use a scent that corresponds with what you would like to do, like tea tree oil for health or lavender for relaxation. Also, smell pretty=feel pretty.

  • Prayers -  It can be hard keeping up appearances to the Gods when you have no energy so every night before bed, or generally whenever I feel like it, I say a little prayer. Of course if you are a secular witch you could just take some time to appreciate the things in nature/your life that makes it magical.
  • Tea -  It’s so nice having a soothing hot drink when your throat feels like a huge cluster of quartz has gotten stuck in there. There are so many posts out there about magical uses for tea but here is a couple 

-Adding herbs for intent
-Leaving a crystal in your mug overnight so your mug and tea is charged with intent
-Blowing away the steam and visualize blowing away negative energy

  • Get to know your crystals - Lets be honest, I have so many crystals I’ve forgotten what half of them are. I like taking them out and surrounding myself with them and then picking them up one by one and focusing on its energy to re-connect. This takes barely any of my energy as I can do it in bed, and makes me feel warm and fuzzy seeing all my pretties in front of me.
  • Read/Study - This is what I spend the majority of my time doing. There is ALWAYS more to learn about witchcraft and I can do it while lying down. There are so many free witchy book pdfs on tumblr as well, just remember not to believe everything you read.
  • Witchy Crafts - This one could take a little more spoons than the others, but it’s super gratifying. To find some things to do you can scroll through the tumblr tag “witch diy”. Some things I have done are 

-Sewed cute tarot bags to hold my cards
-Used thick cotton to make my own little necklace crystal holder
-Bought gemstone beads and made my own jewelry

  • Visualization - This is in my opinion the foundation of all spells and a lot of the time I don’t even use any other ingredients because that takes too much energy. I just focus on my intent and chant a little bit or sing and let the spell come to light all through visualizing it. I have charmed items, helped my plants grow and a lot more this way. I also like to visualize myself in a beautiful, flower-filled forest and feel the sun/moon pulling dark clouds of negative energy/illness out of my body to help when i’m feeling particularly unwell.

  • Meditation - My favorite spoonie witchy thing to do. It calms you, cleanses you, broadens your mind and senses and helps me personally deal with any pain caused by my illness. It can be done at any time and you really feel recharged afterwards. You can even light some candles, light some incense, sit outside under the moon, so many things.



So these are all I can think of right now, feel free to add on so we can all help each other out! Much love to every one of you 💕


-Auoria

13 Reasons Why "You Don't Look Sick/Disabled!" Is Not A Compliment
  1. I am ill and I am disabled, and this is what I look like.
  2. What do you THINK disabled or ill people look like?
  3. It makes it sound like you think disabled people “should” look a bit gross or a bit wierd.
  4. It makes it sound like I have to prove my illness to you.
  5. It creates a hierarchy of what one ableist acquaintence called, “Like, you know. Disabled-disabled and normal people disabled. Like, you’re disabled but you’re also normal. You’re disabled but you’re also not really disabled because you’re also like us.” That is not okay.
  6. It makes it sound like if I did “look disabled” then you’d either think less of me or you’d believe me more.
  7. For the same reasons you shouldn’t say to someone, “You don’t look Jewish!”
  8. For the same reasons you shouldn’t say to someone, “You don’t sound black!”
  9. It often sets the conversation up in a way where you are the judge and you can either validate or invalidate my disability and how much it affects me.
  10. Neither my illnesses nor my disabilities are totally invisible if you took the time to learn about them and decided to pay attention.
  11. It makes you sound untrustworthy. It makes me think you’re going to be the kind of person that will jump to conclusions about my health if I don’t look or act in certain stereotypical ways. Can I laugh and have a good time around you without you implying I’m cured or dismissing my conditions? (Because it really sucks when you do that.)
  12. It feels really dismissive and discouraging.
  13. It is dehumanizing. 15% of the world’s population is disabled. We come in more shapes and sizes than able-bodied people do. Whatever a disabled or ill person looks like, that is what disabled and ill people look like regardless of your preconceptions.
♛ fill in the blanks | fluff otp edition

icon/gif here (if you got one)

Who’s more likely to find who wearing their clothes?:
Who enunciates hand holding?:
Who likes having their hair washed by who?:
Who likes to slow dance?:
Muse that’s more likely to fall asleep with their head in the others lap?:
Muse that does all the cuddling in a blanket fort?:
Who hogs most of the covers at night?:
Muse who nuzzles the others shoulder to get them to give them a head rub?:
How do they share a desert? Two forks or one?:
Who gets jealous more easily?:
Who gets angered more easily?
How do they go to sleep at night?:
Who gets the most shoulder rubs?:
What are there arguments/fights like? How often do they fight?:
Who is more likely to throw things in fights?:
How do they make it up to each other/apologize after an argument?
Do they have nicknames for each other?:
Caring for each other while ill, how does the other muse go about it?:
Who’s more likely to be patching the others wound?:
Muse that says ‘I told you so’, after they come home from the beach and other muse is burnt to a crisp while whining how bad it hurts for not listening and putting on sunblock after the other muse repeatedly told them they’d get burnt?:
Your otp has a newborn baby, who gets up in the middle of the night when he/she cries?:
Your muse’s of the otp reaction to finding the others crying about something? And how do they make them feel better?:
What would they be like as parents?:
What would they have been like as childhood sweethearts?
Who enunciates taking a bath together?:
Who likes who playing with their hair?:
The place they mostly likely accidentally fall asleep together?:

@the Voltron Fandom

I know everyone’s having a lot of fun mocking the Shiro and Slav moments, but can we please stop and reflect critically on those moments and that character?

Because I’m really fucking tired of seeing my mental illness turned into a joke.

As someone who actually has OCD, I felt sick to my stomach every time Slav garnered annoyed reactions from the cast, and felt even worse when the narrative did nothing to condemn them for judging a character on “quirks” that mirrored a real-life mental illness. This has only been hammered in even more since the fandom started treating it like a really ugly meme.

So yeah, if we can treat Shiro’s PTSD with something approaching respect, can we please do the same regarding what is very clearly meant to be a bastardized version of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?

Because I don’t feel safe anymore.

(Reblog if you can, please.)

anonymous asked:

What happened with Jackson?? :(

https://twitter.com/wngjiaers/status/848214164950495232 this video came up where jackson sort of joked that the boys didn’t respond as quickly as him abt still being together in 20 years and he basically implied that like that happens all the time and said “i’m always by myself anyway” and the atmosphere got rlly weird and then the mc suggested the boys compliment jackson and like… no one said anything like youngjae said one thing abt him looking like squirtle but the rest of the boys were zip silent and when they asked jackson to do compliments instead he said “i always do” which is fucking true he hypes the boys up 24/7 non stop like hes the biggest fucking ahgase of them all no one loves got7 more than jackson does and idk the boys had this one opportunity to hype jackson up who is already feeling :// since he’s been ill and there was all that drama then like they had that chance to make him feel good and they didn’t say shit??? but now stan twitter are calling him whiny and over dramatic and attention seeking and trying to hate on got6 which is a typical reaction from them bc jackson could breathe and they’d shit on him for it he can’t do anything right in their eyes like he just wanted the boys to appreciate him like he always does for them and they couldn’t even do that idk

anonymous asked:

aah I really like your recent seventeen neighbour au! can you do that for the rest of the members too? if that's too much then just wonwoo, soonyoung, and seungcheol. Thank you! <3

joshua, mingyu & seungkwan can be found (here) ~

Wonwoo

  • relatively keeps to himself, is the kind of mysterious neighbor that no one really knows much about 
  • sometimes kids are afraid of him because he has a really deadpan expression so the moms are always like “wonwoo-ah ,,,,, please smile? it’s so nice out!!”
  • but he ends up just getting embarrassed and then asking mingyu when they hangout at a cafe like “kids never let me pat their heads,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,am i scary?”
  • and mingyu is like uh WELL,,,,,,,,,,,,
  • but in reality wonwoo is a sweethearted angel. like he picks up litter if he sees it around the apartment building and always offers to hold groceries for any of the elder neighbors 
  • also he always gets cutely startled when another neighbor’s dog comes over to him and sniffs him or barks in greeting and he’s like !!!!! usually ends up dropping whatever he’s holding
  • and he looks down at the little like ??? pomeranian and is like “so,,,,,scary,,,,”
  • and the owner is like omg,,,,,,,,,,,no they’re not scary they’re cute do you wanna pet them??? and wonwoo is like NO ,,, no ,,,,thank you i gtg
  • his apartment is really clean and well kept,,,,,,he has this vintage looking record player and collects mostly older jazz stuff that’s soothing and sometimes even a lil sad
  • when his friends come over they’re always like “dude,,,,,,,do you have any records from like pop groups???” and wonwoo just blinks and is like “why would i have that,,,,,,i listen to records before i sleep i don’t think i could fall asleep to snsd’s ‘party’,,,,,,”
  • he’s also a big fan of blankets and has them everywhere so he can fall asleep anywhere he pleases: the living room, the bedroom, the goddamn kitchen -
  • doesn’t really decorate his walls but has a photo of parents and brother in the hallway and every morning he waves goodbye to it before he leaves,,,,,it’s cute
  • and you have seen wonwoo before, mostly in passing. he never really looks up from his phone or book so it’s more like passing a ghost than anything
  • until one day you’re both on the floor at the same time and as you unlock your door, you take a step in until you look back and see that,,,,,,,,,,,
  • wonwoo is staring at his door and you’re like ?????? what’s he doing
  • and then you see him literally fall forward with his forehead against the door and you’re like IS HE OK and you’re hesitant but you call out like “everything alright???”
  • and wonwoo turns his head and he’s like ,,,,,,, “i don’t have my keys,,,,,,,im locked out.”
  • and you’re like ,,,,,,did you,,,,,,,forget them inside??? and he nods,,,,shamefully looking at the floor and you’re like oh,,,,,unsure of what to do
  • but then you hear it. a growl. 
  • a stomach growl
  • and you can’t help but laugh and wonwoo puts a hand shyly over his shirt and he’s like “e-excuse me,,,” but you’re like “if you’re hungry you can come over, im just making ramen tonight so?” 
  • and wonwoo is shy, he’d usually probably decline because he doesn’t want to bother you but then he hears his stomach growl again and he knows mingyu (who has a spare to his apartment) is gonna take like 2 hours to get here
  • so he nods and you grin, telling him not to be shy and come over.
  • and once you’re inside, wonwoo sitting awkwardly at your kitchen table you’re like “so,,,,,while the water is boiling - tell me about yourself.”
  • and wonwoo is like “there’s not much,,,,,” and he tells you that he has a brother, he likes to listen to music, write lyrics sometimes,,,,,and he’s kinda like “im sorry im boring” and you’re like no not at all and once the ramen is done you guys keep like talking
  • and wonwoo is a little reserved, obviously you guys are strangers basically, but you keep listening with enthusiasm and you smile when he attempts a joke and ask him more about himself
  • and unlike most people you’re not,,,,,,,making some comment about how he looks angry or tired. you’re just,,,,,,,genuinely listening and it’s been a long time since wonwoo has met someone new who didn’t right away seem judgmental of how kind of simple he is about most things
  • and once he realizes that mingyu is calling him to let him know he’s here, wonwoo is kind of upset that he has to leave the conversation,,,,,
  • but you tell him that it was nice talking and he thanks you for the food and when he meets mingyu out in the hall
  • mingyu is like nudging wonwoo and he’s like “that neighbor you were with - they’re cute.” and wonwoo is like “oh,,,,yeah they are,,,,,and they’re nice,,,”
  • and mingyu’s like wiggling his eyebrows and he’s like “did you just call someone nice,,,,,,,,,hmmmmmm i thought you weren’t a people person,,,,”
  • and wonwoo is like GIVE me the spare keys mingyu
  • and mingyu is like “go ask the neighbor on a date and i will.” and wonwoo is like m I NG Yu,,,,,,,but mingyu won’t let up because he’s like c’mon i know you think they’re cute 
  • so when you hear a knock on your door and open it, wonwoo is biting his lip but he’s also like “not,,,,not to be weird but are you free this weekend? i just want to get to know you more so we can get coffee,,,,,,,if this isn’t awkward,,,,”
  • and you’re like oh,,,,,,,,you’re flattered and you’re like sure!!! and wonwoo is like ,,,,,,,,well in shock because you agreed but also blushing because wow,,,,,,,he actually got a date with you,,,,,,
  • and you exchange a time and place and you smile before closing the door and wonwoo swears his heart beats a bit faster
  • but then he hears mingyu’s voice like GET IT BRO and wonwoo is like “give me the spare this time or eLSE-”

Hoshi

  • always running out of his apartment because he seemingly is late no matter what???
  • like no matter how many alarm clocks he sets,,,,,,he leaves his house juggling his keys, his bus pass, his jacket, his water ,,,,,, and his hair looks like it has never seen a brush in it’s life
  • he always ends up forgetting something too. usually it’s literally he forget to lock the door to his apartment 
  • but this is his charm!!!! all the older people are like “he’s such a youthful young boy full of energy!” and all the kids think he’s super cool because he dances and does taekwondo 
  • and also hoshi has this bad habit of listening to music way too loud in his headphones so if you’re on the elevator with him you’re sure to be hearing shinee’s 1of1 album blasting through the small space 
  • and speaking of shinee, hoshi looks up to them so much he has their poster up on his wall. well he has a lot of stuff on his wall from the medals he’s won in taekwondo, to bizarre polaroid photos of seokmin and minghao, to autographs he’s gotten from famous choreographers he’s met
  • and his wall is a mess, so is his floor and bed. like there’s training clothes everywhere and his bed is never made and the only saving grace is the can of febreeze he got from mingyu as a gift on secret santa 
  • his refrigerator is just big bottles of water and frozen sushi he got from the grocery store and like no one understands what in the world he’s living off??? maybe he’s running off energy from the sun??? who knows
  • and you know hoshi, it’s impossible not to with his crazy bedhead and his singing outloud to ‘sherlock’ habit
  • and you guys are friends, not like super close but you know enough to talk in the hall and one day as you’re talking you mention you just beat your highscore in ‘just dance’ on this song by usher
  • and hoshi’s like “that’s your highest score? i could crush you if that’s your best.” and you’re like OH WANNA BET 
  • and hoshi is like hell yeah i wanna bet come over and ill show you how a pro does it
  • and so you end up sitting on his couch (which he had to clean, there were chip bags and notebooks on it) watching hoshi turn on his wii and before starting the game he turns around to give you a grin and you’re like PFFT you’ll never beat my score
  • but ,,,,,,,,,,you are wrong. he beats your score. that and also,,,,,,you’ve never seen such a good dancer in your life
  • BUT ARE YOU GONNA ADMIT THAT ? NO WE DON’T LOSE IN THIS HOUSE
  • so you get up there and you bust out everything you have and hoshi is like OOOOOOO you look serious,,,,but it won’t be enOUGh
  • and by the end of it you’re huffing and puffing but,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,YOU GET A HIGHER SCORE
  • and you’re like AYEEEEE I WON GIVE ME THOSE 50 BUCKS WE BET
  • and hoshi is staring at the TV with his jaw on the floor but then he’s smiling and he’s like “you’re so cool!!!!!!!! you actually beat me!!!!!” and he high-fives you because tbh he’s competitive but like,,,,,,,he’s also a sweet guy
  • and you’re like ohg;ldskgfh,,,,,i did,,,,,,,,,,,,,
  • and hoshi is like “i don’t have fifty bucks on me, but i do have enough to take you out to dinner? it’ll be japanese take out though,,,,,” and you’re like LOL that’s fine. free food = good prize
  • and hoshi like offers out his hand and he’s like “shall i escort you to the five star restaurant than?” and he’s got this mock british accent but you’re laughing and you take his hand 
  • and you only blush when you realize that you guys are still holding hands as you leave the building and go up the street,,,,,,,,,,,,
  • and maybe you blush even more when hoshi is like “doesn’t this kinda feel like a first date?” right in front of the cashier at the takeout place and you’re like SHUT
  • but he’s just grinning and you’re like,,,,,,,what is going on
  • and hoshi is like “i figured just dinner isn’t enough so, ill add another thing to your prize.” and you’re like what is it??” 
  • and then he like pokes his cheek and is like “this date with me~~~~” and you’re like never do aegyo again but omg you’re cute,,,,,,,

Seungcheol 

  • casanova of your apartment building 
  • winks and uses the same “you look like a flower every time i see you, but this time - you’re in full bloom~” line on everyone,,,,,,,,,and when i mean everyone i M E A N E V E R y o n E
  • even the dogs that live in the building ,,,, like there’s a lady with a little chihuahua on the second floor and after telling the lady she looks ten years younger than before, seungcheol like calls the dog a beauty and wow is that dog blushing?????? probably 
  • he’s kind of a really popular guy,,,,like to the point that people will wait outside your building and be like “does seungcheol really live here??? i heard he’s so handsome you can’t look him straight in the eyes,,,,,,,”
  • but in reality,,,,,, his apartment is just the most least romantic thing ever LOL
  • like there’s just sports equipment, sports magazines, and empty water bottles everywhere ,,,,,,, and his laundry pile is so big it’s threatening to fall over,,,,,,, and like the only thing he has for decoration in his whole apartment is like a picture frame he got as a housewarming gift from seungkwan but ,,,,,, there’s no picture in it
  • and like he’s lucky because he has a balcony he can go out onto but on it is his bike that takes up half the space and dying plants he never takes care of
  • and he’s so,,,,,,,like well-kept when he leaves the house but then he comes home and throws everything off and like literally rolls into bed or plays video games in just his sweatpants
  • and you know more than anyone else how the ‘suave and cool’ seungcheol really is because you’ve been friends since before you were neighbors
  • and you’re always over at his place sitting on his balcony and just talking (mostly gossiping because seungcheol actually has a LOT to say and the view from the balcony is nice)
  • and sometimes you come over and trip over like a jumprope he left on the floor and the only reason those plants on his balcony are not DEAD but definitely close is because you water them when you drop by LOL
  • and seungcheol tries to bribe you to do his laundry but you flick his forehead and you’re like “no. im not your maid. get joshua to do it.”
  • and one day you come over and you’re like ,,,,,, seungcheol your apartment is negative ten degrees” and seungcheol
  • who is sitting on his couch in a literal down coat is like “yeah i forgot to pay the heating bill.”
  • and you’re like OH MY GOD but you’re also like get up loser you can spend the night at my place and not die here like a human icicle 
  • and seungcheol is like like i love you you’re my everything my SAVIOR
  • and you’re like SAVE IT DO NOT GREASE ME
  • so seungcheol ends up in your living room on your couch instead and you’re like ok goodnight and seungcheol is like “hEY,,,,,since im here let’s watch a scary movie or something” and you’re like dude we’re not kids this isn’t a sleepover your dumb butt literally didn’t pay- and seungcheol is like fine fine you’re scared I GET IT
  • and you pause because exCUSE me who did you call scared???? move over
  • and you plop down next to him and pick the scariest movie you can find and you’re like “first one to scream is a big loser - ok?” and seungcheol is like “when in my life have i ever screamed? you’re on”
  • but halfway through,,,,like you aren’t even paying attention because you’re sitting under the same blanket as seungcheol and like his arm is practically around your waist and your thighs are touching and he’s really big and warm
  • and you’re tired,,,,,,you had a long day and before you know it you’re knocked out. like what movie? what bet? ZZZZ time
  • and seungcheol notices, and he’s like oh they’re asleep,,,,,he should move so you can lay down
  • but as he’s watching your face illuminated only by the light of the TV like ,,,,,, seungcheol notices finally just how nice your features are
  • and you two have been friends for like ever,,,,, but he’s never quite looked at you and taken it all in,,,,,,,,and somehow now that he is
  • seungcheol is like ,,,,,, oh god ,,,,,,,, you’re cute
  • and not only that???? you literally have saved his ass so many times from bringing him actual food when he forgot to grocery shop, to helping him get hotpacks when he pulled his shoulder, to now,,,,,,when he found himself freezing in his own apartment like YOU saved him
  • and leaning down he brushes some hair from your face and he’s like,,,,, you know what im not gonna move
  • and instead moves a bit so your head falls on his shoulder more comfortably and he moves the blanket off himself so it’s covering all of you
  • and he falls asleep too,,,,,,,,,with the movie still playing
  • and in the morning you open your eyes and you’re like wow my mattress is so warm but broad and oooo it’s moving
  • but then you look down and oh hey there seungch- WHAT
  • and you want to jump up and be like WHAT IS GOING ON but seungcheol lazily opens one eye and is like “go back to sleep,,,,,,,”
  • and for some reason nothing feels wrong about this,,,it’s surprising but not wrong,,,,,,,,
  • so you just shrug and go back to sleep as you feel seungcheols arms wrap tighter around you
  • and oh my god isn’t the best friends to lovers cliche amazing,,,,,,it really is hehe 

i love the green day fandom and i wish none of you had an abusive family or didn’t have to deal with mental illness or any other shitty things. it doesn’t matter to me if you’re just a casual fan or you’d get every lyric to nightlife tattooed on your ass, i want all of you safe and to have a decent bed and food to come home to and to feel like you belong on earth because we totally do and we need to make that more known to each other even if it’s just on this hell site. please love or at least support one another even when we get into petty arguments or someone is merely uneducated on something and doesn’t understand.

the thing about chronic illness, or mine anyway, is that i dont hink you ever stop mourning the life you lost. 

like its not always at the forefront of your mind but its always there, and you are constantly reminded of it. like every time i see something i find fun or interesting, it is immediately followed by the fact that it is another thing i can’t do. 

like the list almost only grows longer. every time i see sports on tv, or any event that seems intersting that i want to go to, when i see people go hiking. going to a party, getting an education.

i am connately surrounded by the things i can’t do and its honestly so overwhelming. its really hard to try and look at the things i can do, and the list is so much shorter. 

and idk i just really want people to recognize how fucking hard it is to live with a chronic illness and i feel generally we deserve a lot more recognition. 

like do you have any idea how nice it would be if i could introduce myself to someone and tell them i have ME and not have to explain it all to them? and not tell them my whole life story? and not explain every single symptom? 

especially with illnesses like ME/CFS that aren’t even recognized as an actual illness in some countries (me/cfs, what i have, is categorized as a mental illness in denmark, where i live)

i dont know where i am going with this but i i just… want people to acknowledge the struggle and the pain i am in without me having to explain it. 

i dont know if other people with chronic illnesses feel the same but these are some of the things i really struggle with

(it ok to reblog this)

I get…unsettled, when people read my health stuff and message me with things like “man I thought my issues with X were bad, I’ll never complain again” cause like, no. That’s not how this works. Pain is both relative and subjective, and Your pain is valid too.

People with chronic health issues spend their whole lives trying to be validated, by friends, family, and yes the medical community too. Every interaction to do with our health involves someone thinking we’re lying or exagerating our symptoms for sympathy because they just can’t conceive of what it’s like to never not be sick, or tired or in pain. They have not paid witness to that very particular form of personal hell, which is a doctor telling you they don’t know how to help you.

Just because someone has something which you perceive to be worse, doesn’t negate your illness, and doesn’t mean you can’t bitch about it if bitching will make you feel better.

And just ‘cause my dental stories sound like excerpts they left out of the SAW movies for being too traumatizing, doesn’t mean you aren’t also going through Some Shit.

We’re all in this Hell together, some of wading through more fire than others. But there shouldn’t be a single person with chronic illness who looks at another person and thinks, you know, I don’t think you’ve suffered enough, come back and talk to me when you’ve swam through lava.

But I know some do. And lemme tell you something, that mindset: is horseshit.

Others might try to compete with you and play the suffering Olympics, but you’ll never find that here. I will never ever tell someone they haven’t suffered enough to deserve sympathy and compassion.

Unless you’re the asshole who responds to migraine sufferers with “yea I get bad headaches too have you tried drinking more water”, in which case you fucking fuckers can fuck right off.

The rest of us? Nah fam, come on in. We can swap stories and lean on each other when we have to.

Lord knows we need all the support we can get.

laelaloo  asked:

Okay, I'm looking to get a cockatiel. I've been looking into them for WEEKS now, but I still feel unprepared, and I really want to get some actual first-hand knowledge from a person. I'm really not sure what to ask specifically! ^^; Any tips you'd give me, this being my second bird--after a budgie--and my first cockatiel? (Any knowledge at all would be helpful! from recommended cage size to what might be a good healthy diet!~) Please and thank you~~

hey darling!!! god sorry its taken me forty years to get to my ask, i’ve been so swamped at work IT SUCKS

THIS IS GONNA BE LONG

OKAY, HERE IS THE INFO I CAN GIVE YA FOR A COCKATIEL:

1) ALWAYS ADOPT. i know you see that cute birbo in the pet store window, but please, PLEASE, refrain from purchasing him.  there are currently THOUSANDS of homeless birds in north america alone that need you to be their guardian. i know you want to save that baby from the pet store, but doing so continues the cycle.  they’ll just replace him and the horror continues.

2) GET THE BIGGEST CAGE YOU CAN AFFORD! do not listen to what the pet store clerk says (lol i worked in a pet store and straight up i would discourage people from birds EVERYDAY and tell them to rescue and that none of our cages are big enough, and they listened and adopted and im surprised the boss didn’t find out and fire me HAHAHHA) i would go to a bird specialty store to find your cage - you want to make sure it is durable enough, the bar spacing is correct (for a cockatiel you want them no more than half an inch space, theyre little and you dont want them to get stuck!!) i suggest powder coated cages, they’re easiest to clean the poop out of!!!!

3) GOOD DIET IS SO IMPORTANT. STAY AWAY FROM SEED!!!! seed despite popular belief is not very good for them.  it causes fatty liver disease and can make them ill and shorten their lifespan. (rose is now put on milk thistle-it buffersthe liver, as from the shit sanctuary she was from… god knows what she ate so now im in the process of getting her liver spiffy clean!) a good PELLET DIET is SO, SO SO SO IMPORTANT. and dont be discouraged, it is very hard to change a birb from seed diet to pellet.  so you have to change it over gradually and honestly, it can take a year to get that done.  rose is picky as hell, but i found a pellet she likes which are the Zupreem fruit pellets.  they’re not the healthiest, but they’ll do as now she is eating by herself.  i used to have to hand feed her ALL THE TIME like the diva she is.

 Here is a list of good pellets!! (from best to ok)

- Goldenfeast Goldenobles (quinoa based instead of corn, i wanna change rose to this when she’s ready!!)

- Harrisons Fine High Potency (start with high potency and then go to adult formula - gives em the nutrients they need for switching. corn based, and not my fav but it is vet reccommended but id say goldenfeast is better as corn aint that great)

- Pretty Bird (fruity and like, kinda okay? its better than zupreem lmfao but its very sweet, and makes their poo colourful)

- Zupreem (available at most pet stores, comes in fruit, veggie, nut, and natural flavours. what Rose eats and its a pretty good food. i believe its corn and soy based, not the best, and there is sugar in it, but its a good starter for your bird as they will most likely eat it because its colourful and sweet!!! from having Rose on a pellet diet - her plumage looks AMAZING)

all those brands come in different size pellets, i would go with the SMALLEST as it is easier for them to eat, and if you mix it with seed it kinda blends in hehe

4) DON’T JUST FEED PELLETS. A birbos diet should be 80% pellets (give or take) and 20% fruits, veggies, grains, and good stuff!!!! making a chop is a good idea, and you can freeze it and take out some everyday for their breakfast/dinner!!! Rose is very picky, and a rescue may be too, but do some research on what good fresh foods are good for birds!!! rose’s fav are zuchinni, peppers, pasta, scrambled egg (shes obsessed with egg) and chinese snow pear!!!

5) LOTS OF TOYS, AND THINGS TO DO!!! PIMP out their cage with dope toys, various perches and material (AVOID SAND ONES, HURTS THEIR TOES. get natural wood, rope (if u know they wont shred and accidentally eat it) and various thicknesses!!!) and im not saying spend a fortune (whcih i have with rose omfg) undyed popsicle sticks are amazing, paper, toilet paper rolls, cardboard etc they LOVE. but also, a good store bought toy is nice too!!! but most you can make from home!! plus i have a store where i have handmade toys, ill be posting more selection too!!

6) BE PATIENT WITH THE BABY! they most likely won’t warm up to you RIGHT AWAY (i mean they might, depends on their personality!) so do not feel discouraged if they dont want to play or cuddle right away. and heck, they may not even like cuddles. they’re as much as individuals as we are as humans. rose is usually attached to my shoulder all day, but some days honestly she just plays by herself and doesn’t want me to play with her HAHAHA. when you bring them home, introduce them to their cage and let them hang inside and get used to it.  sit near them and chat and offer some millet and let them come to you.  its a whole new world for them, so allow them some time!!!

7) and the most controversial topic… TO CLIP OR NOT TO CLIP? okay, my two cents on clipping goes as written.  if it is safer for them in your house, please get their wings properly by an avian vet or an experienced staff memeber at a bird specialty store. clipping them incorrectly can cause balance issues and confidence issues and trust issues. NEVER CLIP THEM YOURSELF AS THEIR OWNER. THEYLL BE PISSED AF. and most likely scared of you. if your house is unsafe -ie people coming in and out, small space, lots of windows, forgetful people that leave windows open, PLEASE CLIP THEM. it will save their life and prevent any deadly accidents.

if you HAVE THE SPACE. and know that they will be safe, and you believe they will be okay, leave them flighted!! it is much easier i must say having smaller birds flighted as they won’t be as cramped in a house as a big bird would be.  Rose is flightless as she chews her flight feathers, but they are growing back.  and even if they all did, my place is way to small to allow her to fly properly so i would keep her clipped for her safety.  also, if there was an emergency - such as a fire - it is much easier to evacuate a flightless bird than a flighted one.  i have really bad ocd when it comes to impulsive thinking and i obsess over how i would get rose out in a fire all the time… so keep a pillow case by the cage, and if god forbid that happened, grab your baby, toss em in the pillow case (protects them from smoke inhalation) AND HIGH TALE THEE FUCK OUT OF THERE. and that would be easier if they are clipped… just food for thought.  

anyway i hope this helped you and others maybe too!! im sorry this took forever to get to, my lifes been insane.  please do TONS OF RESEARCH TOO and look into rescues. if you need any more help let me know my love <3

Originally posted by potatopato

manekie  asked:

Can you say how to draw female and male hair? I really love your art, your style is so ... Fluffy? XD

@manekie
sorry this took me so long to answer, ive been pretty busy and havent had time to sit down and draw some examples until now!
I will start out saying that ive never formally studied hair, so all this will just be my knowledge on stylized hair and how i draw it!

Jumping right into it, the first thing I think about when drawing hair is where the hair is going to part. I decide on the point the hair will start from (represented by the red dot) and then decide what direction I want the hair to go. In this case I’m drawing straight hair in a side part + bangs. When drawing bangs, its important to take note of the hair line. In my head, I separate the bangs from the body of the hair since they don’t follow the main part of the hair but rather start at the hairline. 

From here I sketch out the sections of hair, using the arrows as a directional guide. You want to think of hair in terms of sections rather than strands. Like any form, breaking the form into parts makes it easier to visualize and draw. I like to think of each section of hair as a ribbon when I’m blocking out the basic shapes. It’s much easier to figure out how hair will twist and turn, especially when in motion or as seen in curly hair, when you visualize it as a bunch of ribbons or streamers radiation from a central point. 

Here, you can see the sections I divided the hair into more clearly. I use directional lines to give me a basic idea of how the hair is falling but most of the hair is still in chunks. 

In this image I’ve outlined the two main sections of the hair (excluding the bangs which can be considered a third section). The line the blue arrow is pointing to is where the part of the hair is and the rest of the blue outlines how half the hair falls into a sheet over the shoulder. The purple outline is of course the other half of the hair that comes out of the part. The purple arrow is pointing to a “crease” in this section of the hair. I’m not sure how to describe this well, but still thinking in terms of a ribbon, the ribbon is folding over itself because it is not completely flat. Hair acts the same way; it will overlap itself, especially when the hair is parted to the side. Sorry if that’s confusing, but basically just know having lines coming out of the part helps emphasize it so your hair isn’t all over the place!

Lastly, I’ve separated the hair further into even smaller sections, though I personally don’t put a lot of detail into my hair so you can see I still have a lot of chunks left. It’s up to you whether you want to push further with this, it’s time consuming to continuously separate the hair, but if executed right it can make your art really pop! However, I prefer simplifying my hair both to save time and just because it fits my style better!
In this stage as well, I’ve added strands of hair that go against the direction of the rest of the hair. Hair is almost never perfectly rounded or neat so having strands that stick out or move in an opposite direction can help make it look more natural over all! I also decided to make the part where the nape of the neck comes through a little more evident than the draft to make it clear that it is separating there.

As for the “fluffy” aspect in my style and more specifically the hair I draw (thank you btw that’s such a sweet compliment!) I use rounder shapes and curves to make hair look bouncy or fluffy! Actually, I can’t draw super short, straight hair well because I just love drawing floofy bangs and hair too much.. but its fine because short hair tends to lift away from the rest of the head anyway haha

I wont go into much detail for this hairstyle since its essentially the same process but some final advice: It’s always good to draw the head shape before drawing hair. In stylized art/anime especially, hair tends to poof out from the head but that doesn’t mean the head isn’t there. You still need to follow the basic shape of the head and consider how hair falls over it. 

I hope this helped a little! I’m sorry this is such a simplistic tutorial and for the rough drawings, I’d like to go over hair in motion and hair when its pulled back/up or curly but I feel like those need to be in a separate post ;v; maybe i’ll do those at a later date if anyone wants to see those~
you can find more of my tutorials/tips here!

Tips for studying (with depression/anxiety)

Sometimes depression can make it really hard to get anything done.  Sometimes it’s hard to get out of bed.  Sometimes it’s hard to do anything but binge watch your favorite shows and eat junk food.  But if you’re enrolled in classes, sometimes there are just things you have to get done.  I have clinical depression and anxiety (I’ve been hospitalized for both a few times and I’ve been to therapists on and off for three years).  Something a lot of people don’t know is that procrastination and “laziness” are symptoms of being depressed and anxious (I didn’t know until I was discussing with a friend).  Here are some tips that I’ve found helpful in studying.

1.  Make to-do lists.  It doesn’t have to be a bullet journal, it could just be a notebook.  But I’ve found that laying everything that needs to get done out in a visual way helps me a lot.

2.  Do as much work as you can when you’re feeling motivated/good.  We can never tell when an episode is going to occur.  I never know when I’m going to become lazy and stay in bed.  No matter how many plans we make, it doesn’t work.  So I’ve found that by making the lists and distributing things when they need to get done, I can work ahead if I have extra time when I’m feeling super energized and focused.

3.  Have a study buddy.  Pair up with someone who will hold you accountable.  Me and my high school best friend are starting 100 days of productivity together tomorrow.  She doesn’t even go to school anymore, but just having someone who will hold me accountable for doing things will help me in the long run.

4.  Discuss things with your professors.  At my old school when I was really having problems, I emailed all my professors and met with them to let them know about my situation.  They let me come to office hours instead of talking in class for participation points.  It was really helpful and they were very understanding.  Of course, only do this if you’re comfortable disclosing your diagnosis and with your professors.

5.  Take advantage of your school’s programs.  I haven’t done this yet, but I plan to this coming semester.  Most schools have a counseling and psychological services, so if you’re feeling like you need to talk to someone, do it.  You’re paying for these services whether you use them or not.  Even if you don’t have a diagnosed mental illness, if you’re feeling overwhelmed or something happens, you can always talk to someone or go to a group meeting.

6.  If you like to exercise, do it.  Exercising gives you energy and it really does keep you in a better mood.

7.  Spend as much time in study areas on campus as possible.  I’ve found that I definitely get more work done when I’m on campus (I commute now).  Even in the dorm rooms, we get caught up on our phones or with tv.  When I’m out in a study environment (library, student center, lounge, etc.), I am less likely to get distracted or lay in bed with no motivation.  I do as much work as I can when I’m actually on campus.

8.  Drink and eat while you study.  Again, you want to keep your focus and keep your energy up, so drink water and eat an energizing snack (like fruit or a granola bar).

9.  Keep a planner or calendar.  Depression can mess with your memory and your perception of time, so it’s important to keep a planner or calendar that keeps you up to date with assignments.  I didn’t start until a few years ago, but it’s helped me a lot.  I can’t even remember the number of times when a professor said something like “Okay, your papers are due next class” and I was in total shock.

10.  Sleep!  Sleep for a set amount of time every day.  Even if you’re tired.  If you have extra time during the day, take an energy nap, but try not to over sleep or under sleep.  I know for me, I tend to stay up really late and then sleep all day.  DO NOT DO THIS.  Try to keep normal sleeping hours.  Oversleeping is just as bad because it takes up all your energy and just makes you tired.


That’s all I can think of for now.  I’m sure I’ll think of more and probably make a part two as this semester goes on!  Add your own if you have a good one.  :)

things my classics teacher has said

he teaches the odyssey and he really loves it, even though most of my class don’t, and he says some of the strangest things when we are reading it aloud:

  • this next line is so dramatic i think im going to have to stand up for this bit
  • well you all have ruined it im sitting down again
  • “..and mr s stands with them too, and it looks awesome”
  • (laughing to himself) oh what idiots these men are!
  • me: why does it have female pronouns? isn’t it just a hole?
    mr s: yes, but its a female hole. (silence) oh I’m so sorry. please lets move on and forget i ever said that (our class is exclusively female)
  • no, not one cow with a machine gun against a hundred men. that would be pretty awesome though
  • i’m going to stop talking about nipples now
  • this is where she just decks him
  • he’s a really old boy
  • it just makes you sick doesn’t it
  • what do you mean you don’t like odysseus get out
  • you know i’m going to stand up for him. i love him.
  • mr s: don’t forget to update your divine intervention log. your d.i.g. if you will.
    a student: sir, that would be d.i.l.
    mr s: … well, i feel foolish
  • don’t worry it won’t take me long to bounce back
  • a student: i just can’t like odysseus
    mr s: (mortified noise) 
  • when I was younger I wanted to be a pirate… I still do to be honest
PSA: Mass Effect & PTSD

Hey guys!

I’m here today to talk about one of my favorite things….and one of my least favorite things. Both have a pretty big effect (heh) on my life. 

Mass Effect is probably my top video game of all time. FemShep is one of my top characters in any medium. You know why? She suffers from the same mental illness I do and she STILL saves the galaxy. She doesn’t give up. It’s really inspiring. I’m proud of Bioware for showing the human side of her, especially in ME3. We get to see her crumble a little, and we get to see her deal with her symptoms in ways I imagine a lot of soldiers do. (My PTSD isn’t combat related, but I do have several close friends and family members with combat, and non-combat PTSD.)

It’s also super awesome that you guys are writing about PTSD in your fanfics! I love that fans are willing to explore that part of Shepard’s story. With everything Shepard has been through (regardless of their origin story), it makes sense that it would have an effect on them, no?

But I also think we can do better. Here’s some things to keep in mind: 

1) PTSD is more than just nightmares. This trope is understandable, as this is the symptom Mass Effect features throughout the third game. Don’t get me wrong– a lot of people with PTSD suffer from nightmares, but there are more symptoms than just that. Nightmares are actually kind of rare for me. Other symptoms include, but are not limited to: shaking, muscle tension, trouble communicating (unable to form complete words, phrases, or sentences), flashbacks of the event, avoidance behaviors (isolating yourself or avoiding certain people or places connected to the event, or having trouble forming relationships in general), nausea, loss of appetite, dry-heaving, and hyperventilating (feeling like you can’t breathe.) The last one especially would be difficult for Shepard, as you know…they died by suffocating in space. 

2) Post Traumatic nightmares vary person to person. When I do have them, they aren’t always directly connected to the traumatic event. Maybe it’s just the way my brain works. My dreams tend to take on more symbolic forms based on my underlying feelings surrounding my mental illness. (This week they have all had themes around my inability to communicate or feeling trapped in my situation.) The way I tell the difference between a regular nightmare and a post traumatic one is how I feel afterwards. Post traumatic nightmares leave me feeling wide awake and unable to fall back asleep. They’re harder to wake up from (I lucid dream a lot.)

3) Post Traumatic episodes are EXHAUSTING. This is probably the most misunderstood thing in Mass Effect fanfiction. I see it a lot. You know, Shep has a fucked up day, they lose a dear friend and/or nearly dies, and/or something they experience brings up trauma from their past. Their love interest finds them and they bang. Everything is a–okay. WHAT!? During a post traumatic episode, your body is on high alert. You’re experiencing the purest forms of fight or flight. Your heart is racing. Your adrenaline is up. All your muscles are tensed up and ready to run away or fight for your life. You have tunnel vision. Keep in mind this can happen at any point after the event, and often in contexts that are only mildly stressful to the every day person. Your mind/body isn’t concerned with what happens afterward, only that you survive what it thinks is danger. You probably aren’t going to be up for sexy times afterward. You will probably only want to sleep, but that might not happen because your fear of post traumatic nightmares, or your mind is still keyed up even though your body is exhausted. Also, all that emotional energy is going to be used up. You might feel numb or depressed. You might have thoughts of killing yourself, or fearing for your future. Now, I’m not saying Shep won’t try for sexy times after an episode, but it’s going to look different than normal sex. Maybe they’re using it to distract their partner from their pain. Maybe they use it to ground themselves in their current reality. Timing matters. Is it in the middle of an episode? Is it after? Does Shep mind being touched when they’re experiencing symptoms? These are all things to keep in mind. 

4) Coping mechanisms differ person to person. Some people drink. Others have sex. Some push themselves into their work. Others make art. Some get counseling/therapy. Some exercise. Others take prescription medication. How your Shepard copes and to what degree really depends on how well educated they are about their condition and the emotional support system they have. How well they cope probably changes for better or for worse depending on what point they are in their story. 

Hope you find this helpful. Feel free to reply with questions. (I’m not a mental health professional, but I can speak to my own experiences and that of my loved ones.)

anonymous asked:

Mermaid au Shownu please?? I love how well you write Monsta X, especially Shownu and Wonho! (I also wanted to request Wonho but I didn't want to overwhelm you bc I know you said you worry abt the way you write him but I really think you do him the most justice as a writer ❤️❤️❤️ feel free to do either or both if the inspiration strikes! Love you and your writing so much!!) 😊

i actually have an idea for shownu,,,it’s a little bit more angsty than what i usually write, but i hope u like it!! ill write wonho soon too~~
find mermaid!minyhuk (here) & mermaid!kihyun (here

  • you’ve been working as a lab assistant to a group of marine biologists for almost a month when you overhear that finally,,,,,,the scientists have caught a mermaid
  • and at first you don’t believe,,,,,,,,a mermaid??? do those even exist??? but everyone in the lab is in an uproar about it that you assume,,,,it has to be true
  • and a couple of days later the big tank in one of the labs is apparently home to the newest experiment and when you go over the room is packed with scientists, interns, assistants, divers,,,,,,
  • and you can barely see the mermaid but you catch a glimpse of the huge tail as he swims by and everyone is chatting about how BIG he is,,,how he must have swam too close to the shore or something
  • but since you can’t see anything you just decide to leave it at that,,,,,but something feels weird,,,,,,
  • thankfully the scientists trust you enough to close up every now and then so after most of them have gone home you sneak carefully into lab room 3 where the tank is clear ocean water,,,,, and you see him,,,,,,
  •  and he’s nothing like what you read about in fantasy books,,,,no scary gills or yellow eyes,,,,,,,he’s,,,,,beautiful??
  • and the closer you get the more you see ,,,, the toned upper body,,,,which makes sense he swims to stay alive,,,,but also the pretty emerald color scales on his tail,,,that shimmer whenever the lights in the lab reflect into the water
  • and even in the water it’s obvious that his skin is slightly golden,,,,,and in his ears u can see earrings,,,,pearls,,,, and you’re so caught up that you don’t even notice that you’ve come so close to the glass
  • and when you put ur hand on it he finally seems to notice you,,,,whipping around in the water and swimming toward you
  • so fast that you even jump back a bit,,,,but his face oh god,,,up close ,,,,, you swear no man you’ve ever seen has looked like,,,,,,That
  • but even though he’s so big,,,his broad shoulder and handsome face,,,there’s fear in his eyes and you can’t really read lips all that well but he’s saying something 
  • cautiously you get closer to the glass and you’re like ??? pointing to your ears and trying to motion that you can’t hear
  • so he slows down and you can make out the words : where am i
  • and you look around,,,hurriedly finding a notepad and scribbling down ‘laboratory’ showing it to the boy and the fear in is eyes gets even deeper
  • so you change the subject and write ‘what’s your name?’ turning to show it to him and ,,,,, he hesitates,,,, but slowly says it and you focus on his lips 
  • “shownu?”
  • and you write down ur own name and show it to him,,,,,but u can see he still isn’t settled so u add ‘they’re not going to hurt you here. they just want to look at you because we’ve never seen mermaids before’
  • and shownu suddenly puts his hand against the glass and you turn around because you hear footsteps and you duck under a nearby desk
  • when two scientists walk in,,,chatting about how they forgot their IDs but also,,,,,about some experiments they’d like to perform on the ‘mermaid’,,,,,take samples from his gills,,,,,,maybe do some other procedures
  • and when they’re gone,,,,,you can see that shownu has retreated to the back of the tank,,,,,and u feel,,,,,horrible
  • because as much as you’d thought there was something good about discovering mermaids,,,,,was there really if the scientist forgot that even with his body?? shownu,,,,is still a person,,,,,
  • and you don’t know why but you can’t think of anything else but that you have to get shownu out of there
  • and you get up to leave but hear a knocking on the tank,,,turning around to see him there,,,,,,so powerful and strong but also,,,,trapped
  • and you motion that you have to go but you smile and somehow,,,,shownu understands what you mean
  • and for the next week you see shownu,,,,being ogled by the scientists,,,,the poor boy has an identification tag clipped to his fin and on the daily you see blood samples, scales, and more being taken from him
  • and you realize that there are stairs the scientists use to get to the top of the tank and finally,,,when its ur turn to lock up again u visit shownu except you motion for him to swim to the top
  • and as you go up the stairs,,,,the surface of the water in the tank comes into view and suddenly shownu swims toward it,, head poking out as he throws his wet hair out of his face and shakes off the droplets that run down his neck
  • and once again ur mesmerized by his beauty,,,,,but u shake it off to and kneel down to the edge so you can speak with him and you’re like “i want to get you out,,,,but it’s going to be hard,,,,,” and shownu nods,,,not saying much and you bite back your lip and you’re like
  • “they’ll probably be transporting you to another bigger lab soon,,,when they put you in the smaller tank on wheels i might be able to get you out then,,,,the ocean is really close by,,,,”
  • shownu reaches out,,,and you look at his hand,,,,worried but you put yours in it and he looks at you,,,,,,,,,
  • eyes a dark,,,,beautiful brown and you hear him for the first time 
  • “ill trust you.”
  • his voice,,,is softer than his appearance,,,,but it makes your heartbeat and shownu seems to sense the rise of heat in your body because he makes a concerned expression that you just play off with laughter and ur like!!!! i,,,thank u ill do my best,,,,,ill be back tomorrow!!!
  • and you get up,,,,slightly stumbling in embarrassment of blushing in front of a mermaid you met a WEEK ago
  • but shownu swims down toward the glass as you leave the lab and with a wave you say goodbye
  • another weeks goes by and every evening you try and sneak in to see how shownu is doing,,,it’s obvious not being in the actual ocean where his family and friends are is hurting him
  • and you try to find out when they’ll be transporting him
  • and the day comes,,,finally and luckily some of the scientist tell you to wheel the tank down the hall to where the other assistants will take over and you agree
  • lifting the lid slightly as shownu sits,,,cramped in the space,,,tail scrunched up and big shoulders threatening to burst the damn glass 
  • and youre like “shownu,,,im going to get you out of here!” and even though he doesn’t reply,,,you see him turn his head and smile,,,,,so cutely,,,,,,,
  • and so instead of going down the hall you wheel him toward the back door of the lab,,,,which has a ramp thankfully and you’re shaking in fear that someone will notice but it’s only until you’re at the dock where the scientists come in on their boats that you hear the alarm 
  • and as quickly as possible you try to tip over the tank,,,but shownu is heavy and big and so you do what you can only think off,,,
  • with a running start you push the tank and the cart it’s on into the ocean,,,,, shownu seems to get the idea and as soon as it hits the water he pushes himself out,,,,,,,,and you can hear people shouting and they’re going to find you soon
  • but as you stand there on the dock,,,,frightened,,,, you feel someone grab your ankle and pull you down into the water
  • strong arms catch you,,,holding you tight to their chest and you hold your breathe as you go underwater,,,shownu swimming as fast as possible away from the dock 
  • and once you’re far out enough,,, and he makes sure to take into account that you can’t breath too long underwater,,, he swims back to the surface of the water and lets you go as you gulp for air and cough a bit,,,
  • and you can see that you’ve got to be at least a good 5 miles away from shore and you turn to shownu,,,,who has lost the fear in his eyes,,,,replaced instead with gentle concern as he reaches out but then stops,,,,,dropping his hand and sheepishly looking away
  • murmuring out,,,,are you ok? and you nod,,,,still a bit out of breath
  • but you smile and go “i think i can’t go back there,,,,they’ll probably know it was me,,,” and shownu gives you a slightly upset look,,,something between remorse,,,but also,,,,even with his big frame he reminds u of a puppy dog begging for forgiveness
  • and it makes you laugh and ur like “don’t worry,,,,i was just an assistant anyway,,,,but also,,,,,”
  • you look around and there’s nothing but ocean and you’re like “i need,,,,to get back to land,,,” and shownu nods, coming closer and scooping you back up into his arms
  • and ur like “wa-wa-wha-wait- wha-”
  • and once again you’re being held and shownu is swimming so fast,,,but this time ur not clutching your eyes closed in fear,,,, and it stings a little but the water passing by you two is so pretty and shownu,,,,is so big comfortable 
  • that you wish you’d be able to stay like this a bit longer,,,,but you do need air
  • and once you’re close enough to the shore to swim back on your own shownu bows his head and lets you go and says that he’s grateful you helped him
  • and you’re like “oh! one thing!”
  • and you duck underwater,, swimming and finding his fin,,,unclipping the ID and coming back to the surface holding it and you’re like “i don’t want it to bother you anymore,,,” and shownu ,,,,,,
  • seems shocked,,,,but his expression goes soft again,,,,and u swear u see him blush this time,,,, and he goes “,,,,do you visit the ocean often?”
  • and you shrug,,,saying that you probably won’t since you’ll have to quit at the lab,,,but then you stop yourself and look at him and go “but,,,,ill come by every now and then,,,,,,will i see you?”
  • and this time u see the blush,,, the way he puts up one hand to cover his mouth and nose,,,,,but he nods and u grin telling him you’d like him to take you swimming again 
  • but shownu catches you before you start your swim back and from around your neck he motions to your own ID and he’s like “m,,,may i?”
  • and you take it off,, passing it to him and he points to his ID that you’re holding and he’s like “to remember,,,,,me by.” and you’re like “yes, to remember you by.”
  • and you start swimming back,,,,shownu diving back toward the depths of the ocean,,, clutching your ID in his hand and bring it up once more to see the smiling photo of you,,,,,,the human that risked so much for him,,,,,,,(and that he finds immensely adorable) 
6

Updated skincare routine (june 2017)

my old SC routine

I’ve been very hesitant about posting my skincare routine on here because I keep changing it up and adding new products contstantly, but here is my current one. I figured out this may help some people out. This may possibly not work for you the same as it’s working for me. If your acne is fungal you shouldnt be using oils. My routine comes from years of experience and research. Before you add actives into your routine, READ about them first and start off with once a week.
I have dehydrated, extremely sensitive, acne prone oily skin, with dryness around my mouth.
I use the oils as moisturizers because i havent found one that doesnt make my senstive skin break out or feel irritated yet, and these have worked very well for me.

AM:
- wash face with water

- wash face with raw honey (massage it in and then wash it off, its makes my face much less red and calms down my breakouts)

- wipe face with cotton pad soaked in tea (chamomile, green tea or ginseng)

- Hada labo super HA lotion 2 layers of 3 pumps on a damp face

- The ordinary 23% vitamin C suspension or a Ava laboratories sodium ascorbyl phosphate serum

* when i have time: pat in a few drops of glycerin + water (or tea) onto my face and a gel moisturiser like aloe vera gel.
- moisturise with hempseed oil + rosehip oil or just prickly pear oil. I pictured all my oils because I choose them based on how my skin is feeling I dont do the same thing every day: my post on plant oils

- 10% azelaic acid if im breaking out badly

- sunscreen. When im dry ill do Ultrasun Baby (strong white cast) mixed with 2 drops of sea buckthorn oil (that way i dont get a white cast but rather a light bb cream) but currently i like my lancaster sunscreen more because its very hot and that one is easy to reapply and doesnt melt off my face and Im sure I get the right spf. I wouldnt reccomend this one though, I just got it on sale and for some reason it doesnt break me out. my posts on sunscreen

- apply a lip balm and vaseline

PM:
- cleanse with sylveco sensitive skin chamomile cleanser

- oil cleanse with safflower oil

- pat some tea into my face (same as AM)

- Hada labo lotion

- Gel moisturiser on damp face

- hempseed + rosehip oil or just hempseed oil

- prickly pear oil

- rosehip + argan oil under my eyes and on my lips

- wait for like 30 minutes then I add 5% benzoyl peroxide on my T-zone - 0.3% retinol on my neck 

 Masks/ treatments: Honestly I go in with one when I can feel that I need it but roughly its a bit like this:

- Green kaolin clay 2/3 times a week 

- Le'maadr 12% GA once every 5 days 

- 10% mandelic acid every 3 days 

iamnmbr3  asked:

People don't talk enough how much Steve has lost. His father died in WWI, meaning he grew up fatherless in a time when it was much more difficult for a single mother to support and provide for herself an her child. When he was only 18 (and chronically ill himself) he lost his mother to a horrific disease. He saw the love of his life die horribly right in front him. He lost every person he'd ever known and woke up alone in a strange time. I feel like many ppl really gloss over Steve's trauma.

Right! And I feel like people gloss over it because the films gloss over it. Like, Tony stans literally do not shut up about everything Tony has gone through, everything Tony has lost, the issues that left Tony with - but they have 3 films that address that. The entire purpose of IM3 was to address Tony’s PTSD and Anxiety.

But with Steve, it’s just brushed passed. Steve is an orphan. When we first meet him in catfa he’s an orphan. He probably watched his mother die slowly, and rather horrifically in front of him. He never would have really known his father as Steve was born at the end of WW1 and his father died in it. When he enters the war he’s got 1 person, and that’s Bucky. He picks up people along the way - like Howard, like the Howlies, like Peggy - and however you see these relationships, there’s no doubt all of those people meant something to Steve, he cared about them. And then he watches Bucky fall, and that’s his world right there, it’s always been SteveandBucky, ever since they came home from school joint at the hip the first time. As long as he can remember, it’s been him and Bucky, and he’s watching half of his heart fall away from him. Then, all the rest happens and he wakes up in 2011, and it’s 70 years on nearly, and everyone he knows is dead. Literally every single person he knew is gone, it’s just him. And sure Peggy is still alive but she’s not really there, she’s also pretty much gone. And not only has he lost people, he’s lost his world. Steve Rogers literally woke up one morning in 1945, fell into a sleep he never planned on waking from, but when he did he was in 2011. Every single thing he knew, was gone, or different or changed somehow.

And the films literally never address that. They never address the extent of how much loss Steve has dealt with. They sorta briefly hint at the fact he could potentially have PTSD in regards to the war, and the shit he saw as a soldier, when he goes to visit Sam at the VA. But even that’s like subtext. But Steve lost everything, and he consistently displays reckless behaviour with little to no regard for his own safety or potential survival, which to me indicates that he’s probably severely depressed. And whilst he might not actively be suicidal, he’s also incredibly careless with his own existence, almost in a “I’m not trying to die but if I did, it’d be okay” way. Steve Rogers is going through so much shit, and the films do not do a god job at showing how much he’s mourning, how much he’s hurting and how much suffering he’s dealing with, and I don’t think fandom really does either.

okay

if you are gay and you headcanoned/theorized the hyyh story as being gay content, then that’s perfectly fine because hyyh is a fictional story. but you gotta realize that at the end of the day, your headcanon is only exactly what it is – a headcanon. so when the canon storyline veers away from what you thought, can you be disappointed? well, yeah. but you can’t be surprised.

and that’s why i think the whole “bts are gay legends who are gonna give us all the gay content in the world” is a harmful way of thinking because you guys gotta be Realistic. just because you *think* they *might* be gay, doesn’t mean that the content they produce is going to be gay as well. i think it’d be awesome if more lgbt representation was present in kpop concepts, but even you guys have admitted that that’s not always a viable reality.

also, let’s not forget the fact that being upset over them being with girls is conflicting with your own idea of them possibly being bi. as a bi person myself, that makes me incredibly uncomfortable. i’m not expecting you to get excited over het relationships, but at the very least, you can respect bi people when they are in relationships that aren’t same gender. when you do that, you’re actively trying to erase a part of a person’s identity and that’s honestly not cool.

i feel like there are a whole bunch of potential problems in the horizon for the love yourself story (to name a few, some of the girls are very young and are *possibly* serving as love interests for the members. also, the concept that you will love yourself after being validated by a romantic interest is highly toxic thinking, especially when they’ve implied that some of the members struggle with mental illness in the hyyh series) and these need to be more focused on rather than us throwing a fit over a headcanon not becoming realized.