ill add more as they come

transboy yurio headcanons

• his anger is how he asserts masculinity because thats all he knows
• even though the world sees him as a boy, he’s still so afraid of it all being a facade
• was really worried about telling his grandfather, but he was so kind and accepting. they’re the only family they have left, so his grandfather only cares about Yuri’s happiness
• he’s growing out his hair because he loves having long hair. For a while he kept it short because people would give him shit for being “not really trans” because he didn’t have “masculine hair”. Now the whole world sees him as a boy so he’s growing it out.
• viktor and yuuri and otabek create a Yuri Protection Squad™ in which they keep chocolate around during his periods (they memorized his cycle), beat the shit out of anyone who is deliberately transphobic to him, calls out the media, and give him screaming pep talks during dysphoric feelings.
• he kinda becomes an advocate for trans rights and raises money to supply kids with binders and breast forms when they don’t have access
• someone says his win at the gpf wasn’t fair due to his “feminine form advantages” and so many people call them out and spread love for Yuri. Pichit makes a compilation of tweets and videos and other things and Yuri cries when he sees it.
• he slowly starts allowing himself to show more and more emotion after this
• just happy transboy Yuri

Rika's back and MC gets left P. 4

Rika is back and MC gets sick at the same time she feels abandoned. Part 1 (x) | Part 2 (x) | Part 3 (x) | Part 4 (x) | Part 5 (x)

  • Rika felt a sense of satisfaction
  • She got off being the one everyone considered the most
  • sure, she lead MC to the RFA
  • sure she made a lot of trouble for MC and the rest of the members
  • But the one thing she did not want anyone to forget or even ever know really was
  • it also meant she could take her out of rfa with ease
  • And they wouldn’t ever know it was her or care if all went to her plan

– Yoosung –

  • From the last time MC invited Yoosung over, he remembered where she now lived
  • Why didn’t I visit her sooner?
  • Yoosung made his way to her building, knocking repeatedly and waiting for a response
  • Where is she? It’s almost midnight…
  • He almost gave up when she didnt answer either calls, text, or the door
  • Rika! Yoosung was surprised to see his cousin walk by
  • “Yoosung, what are you doing here so late?”
  • I came to see if MC is okay, shes been MIA for a while
  • “She’s fine! I talked to her not too long ago and she said that she was going to visit her family for a few weeks. I forgot to tell you guys about it too… sorry.”
  • It’s fine, don’t worry about it! Though, it would have been better if she told us herself…
  • “I dont know the details, but something about one of her family members being recently diagnosed with a terminal illness.. Yeah, it was terrible. She said they started to cough blood and she went to go help them through the process. Poor MC.”
  • You’re genuinely concerned for MC, you’re so nice Rika.
  • “Ofc, shes a memeber of the rfa too!”
  • Sorry, its just i know you dont know her that much, but im glad you guys get along well. Do you know when she’ll be back?
  • “I think after the funeral. Though it may be longer since i dont know how shell be okay after all of that. Next time we talk, ill ask her, okay? How about we go visit V? Im sure hes awake and wouldnt mind if you came over for a sleep over”
  • Yoosung felt like a huge boulder had been lifted from his shoulders now that he knew MC was physically okay
  • He felt bad that she didnt tell anyone that she was leaving to tend to a sick family member
  • But he felt that he would forgive her since she seemed more of a private person
  • I should get her a gift basket when she comes back; poor MC will be greiving when she returns- I could add chocolates and that coffee she likes with an uber soft blanket. Yeah, i wil do that for sure when RIka tells me when she comes back
  • Yoosung wanted to be a shoulder for MC when she came back since she was there for him when Rika was gone
  • he wanted to prove to her and himself and RIka that he was more than just a college student who played a lot of video games; that he was also a capable man

– Zen –

Zen has entered the chatroom.

Zen: MC! Please call me when you get this!

Rika: Zen, I forgot to tell everyone that MC went back to her home country to take care of a sick family member. I didnt want to say anything right away but she told me just recently that it may be a while before she returns because of how bad things are …

Jahee has entered the chatroom.

Jahee: Oh no that’s terrible. Is her family member in that bad of condition for MC to leave without saying bye?

Rika: I am afraid so. From what I know, they are really ill that it is now deemed terminal.

Zen: Oh man, i really thought something happened to MC

Rika: What do you mean?

Zen: I dont know, I thought maybe she got bored of us and left us or something happened to her health wise. I hope she knows that we are all here for her when she comes back

Rika: Dont jinx anything! I’ll let her know though that you were worried whenever we talk again ^^

Jahee: Please do. Id feel much better though if I could talk to her soon. Do you think you can let her know to call me please?

Rika: I will pass the message along!

Zen: me too please, I really miss her :c

Rika: I will, you guys worry too much ^^ dont worry guys, everything will be perfectly fine ^^

Zen: alighty then, i gotta go and meet some directors to talk about my wonderful gorgeous face making its appearance on stage soon, bye~

Jahee: Oh my heart!

Rika: Good luck!

Zen has left the chatroom.

  • He didnt trust Rika
  • He didnt even trust Jahee at the moment
  • He knows he saw MC at the store that night
  • And it seems highly unlikely that she would just leave without explaining the situation
  • Especially if someone she cared about was really sick
  • Would she?

– Jahee –

  • From what Mr. Han had been accumulating she knew what was going on somewhat
  • Though if the rest of rfa should know she didnt feel like she had a place to tell them
  • She did abandon MC just like the rest did
  • She wont deny that what the rfa did to MC was abandon her at a time she would have needed them 
  • despite all MC probably gave up to help them 
  • But she didnt want anyone to be in the unknown
  • Although, she didn’t know if Rika was lying or telling the truth maybe rika did know mc was sick and didnt want to tell because MC said so
  • Jahee didnt want to risk anything by letting the cat out of the bag cringing
  • For now all she felt like she could do was gather as much as she could about people with pneumonia 
  • She would look into it since that was all Mr. Han told her
  • Maybe find some coffee as well for MC and maybe chocolates as she thinks about pleading for forgiveness 

– Jumin –

  • He had no right to act like he should care for MC anymore
  • The moment they all left her, everyone in the rfa lost all the rights to care for MC
  • The only thing he could do was offer her the best treatment possible when he found out what she had it made him very uncomfortable to not know what she was suffering from
  • aside from the stabbing pains of being betrayed that he couldn’t fix for her
  • but that was only if Seven could find a way into breaking MC out of there
  • But he knew the longer they waited the worse she would get
  • When he saw MC through the camera on Sevens screen, he knew he never wanted to know what it felt to lose someone again
  • After he though rika died, he felt like his world tipped over
  • But if he loses MC, he knows he wont ever have a reason to go on living with himself
  • He did find comfort knowing that MC never seemed to have had lost her personality and all that made her so easy to be around
  • By the looks of it, it was all thanks to Paco who never seemed to leave her side
  • Are you almost done?
  • “I want her out of there as soon as possible as well, okay?”
  • Jumin was taken back with how Seven snapped
  • “Dont let it get to you, he always gets like this”  the famous ‘Vanderwood’ who leaned on the side of the wall said
  • I dont want to know
  • He decided he didnt want to get into what Seven did on his own time also bc ‘Miss’ Vanderwood was slightly scaring him
  • “Just get the IP address so we can get there and go”
  • “I cant just do that! Well, I can but there seems to be more stuff this guy is feeding me atm and its all about MC”
  • “Look at it when you get her out of there! Poor girl must be seconds away from kicking the stupid bucket”
  • Excuse me?
  • “DOnt take it to heart, he gets angry when he has to wait before a job”
  • “Shut the fuck up, I still have my taser, you oaf”
  • What do you mean hes feeding you?
  • “I mean, this Unknown guy wants her found but for some odd reason he cant let her go… idk myself, but it looks like hes just doing his job
  • “What makes you say that?”
  • “RIght here it says: Job. No. Yes.- Unknown
  • Isnt that a good thing then? That means we can get MC out faster
  • JUmin didnt care for all the extra side stuff
  • He wanted to just get to the point and storm in there to save MC and take her to the doctors he had on standby
  • Just hurry up!
  • “I would want to bu- OH shit”
  • Jumins heart stopped for a millisecond thinking that MC died
  • When he didnt see anything abnormal on the screen that showed MC he was confused
  • But looking at what Seven saw
  • He understood
  • Is that Rika?

– 707 –

  • Watching RIka give MC injections of unknown substances made him physically want to scream
  • Why would she do that?
  • What was she even giving MC?
  • Where is Unknown?
  • “Damn, white loaf can really go on strong” he ignored Vanderwoods snide comment focusing on V holding MC down so Rika could give her another injection
  • “Let’s go now Seven, no more playing around!”
  • Okay okay, let me just get this on my laptop so we can watch as we go
  • “If we take my helicopter we could be there quicker”
  • Yeah lets do that
  • Seven was in a daze
  • As he looked into the breadcrumbs Unknown was giving him
  • He began to wonder why Unknown even took MC away if he was going to help them in the end
  • Unless he too was forced into do this all
  • But why would Rika do this? What could she gain from this?
  • “Please dont”
  • Seven turned to look at Jumin who looked at him when they heard MC’s voice
  • “Ready or not here it comes~” Rika sang
  • “You both may want to look away” Seven heard Vanderwood say before turning away
  • Not once had he ever looked away from the screen while on the job

  • You begged her to stop
  • Whatever it was, it wasn’t the same anymore
  • You began to remember names and faces but you couldn’t match them together
  • Please stop this, it hurts!
  • “Sweetie, you’re dying anyways, this is me being merciful and helping you go faster. Be thankful.”
  • What about that other stuff? What was that other stuff?
  • “It will all be over quickly if you just listen to her, please MC”
  • You turn to look at the stranger with the sunglasses: who’s MC?
  • Am I MC? Are they talking to me ?
  • You think you know them but you can’t match any faces or names at all
  • “I’d ask if you have any last words you want me to give to someone but at this point, you probably don’t know if you have any friends or family “
  • You shake your head trying to think
  • Somewhere someone has to know who you are
  • Why can’t I talk?
  • You panic; thrashing your body away from the woman and man
  • “Stop it!” You hear it before you feel a stinging sensation on your cheek
  • “Like I said,you’re already dying “ the woman says as she huffs for air
  • The look on her face scares you
  • It looks like she’s enjoying whatever is happening
  • “You should never talk to strangers “ you feel the weight of something hard crash on you holding your face down on the now cold floor
  • “Don’t ever go to places you don’t know”
  • The pressure intensifies making your head build more pressure like it will explode
  • “Rika, that’s too much” you hear the man from earlier
  • Help me please! you silently beg 
  • You wonder why he doesn’t help you
  • “Stay out of this V”
  • You feel something stab your shoulder
  • Then you don’t feel anything at all

– Vanderwood –

  • Seven was annoying
  • Richie rich was annoying
  • They all were pissing him off
  • The rush to get to where this girl was chaotic
  • He was used to the silence that Seven would accompany him with
  • But not like this
  • This silence was deafening and suffocating

– V –

  • He didnt want to harm MC
  • she was one of the good ones 
  • but he didnt want to make Rika any worse than she already was
  • He knew 707 or Jumin must have caught on by now 
  • with the help he got from Unknown, he knew they would make it but not soon enough
  • He made sure that whatever happened; it would all be on him 
  • Even if MC may never wake up again
  • even if Rika would spend a lot of time in the hospital 
  • even if Jumin and everyone in the RFA should come to hate him
  • even if he should become the villain; 
  • he would do whatever it takes to preserve Rika’s legacy and love and pride
  • He just needed for MC to hold onto life 
  • She was already sick 
  • and the medication he had replaced with the medication Rika wanted Unknown to give her seemed to have been working 
  • He made sure Unknown gave her the treatment she needed
  • But he didnt anticipate for Rika to inject her with a strong dose of whatever she had made for MC
  • By the looks of it 
  • it definitely was not the same that he had Unknown give her

– Unknown – 

  • Any minute now, it would all be over 
  • one way or another, MC would no longer suffer
  • He knew that by lying to Rika he was compromising his safety as well as Saeyoung’s
  • But he couldnt kill MC slowly
  • not with what RIka had made for her 
  • No. 
  • Instead, he made sure he gave her the medication she needed 
  • he made sure that Saeyoung would find the bread crumbs he left 
  • He expected Rika to pull something big for the finally so he made MC an antidote to what Rika had 
  • he didnt give it to her yet but he would have to leave it for Saeyoung to find if Paco didnt find a way of getting the vile out of his jacket before they got to MC
  • All he needed now was to find a way to make amends 
  • To MC and to everyone else 
  • but he would do that after he found a way to forgive himself and Saeyoung 
  • because if he didnt make him hate him; none of this would have happened 
  • and MC would have had treatment for this and have never been involved 
  • When would Saeyoung see how toxic both were to everyone else?
  • Especially to someone good and simplistic and perfectly normal like MC. 
  • Did Saeyoung even know?
  • Did his brother know how toxic both brothers were to everyone?
  • Like how toxic they were to one another.

anonymous asked:

Do you have any recs for some good, long, Ten x Rose AU fics?

Hello there, Nonny. you want AUs (Alternate Universe: Means it’s about another incarnation of the Doctor and Rose)! Sooooo many of them!!! Don’t forget to check out all the fics we’ve reviewed with the AU tag right here. Here are some more that we’ve read but didn’t have time to review for you yet:

Fic Rec: Ten Rose: AUs:

Recced by @lizziea2 :

Recced by @lastbluetardis :

Recced by @hanluvr :

There are a lot more to come!!Tumblr is limiting link space so check the notes for the next rebblogs with more recs on it!

If anyone have any suggestions or wants to rec their own fic, please, add them to this post or send them to our ask box! Hope it help. Enjoy ;-)

Characters of Color, all with Mental Illnesses: Poor Message?

In a story that I’m currently planning the four main protags all have a mental illness (autism, PTSD, anxiety/depression and anti-social personality disorder) and are all PoC (black, arab and mixed), I’m keen to have a diverse cast and mental illness is something that means a lot to me personally and I did want to have it be a major theme of the story but now I’m worried that it could send a wrong message, since all the main protags (and probably some of the antags and side characters will as well once I start planning them more) are both PoC and have some mental illness. 

Would it be advisable to add some more PoC cast members who don’t have a mental illness, or white characters who do so it doesn’t come across as linking mental illness and race? (The story wasn’t originally going to have any white characters since it takes place in a fantasy world on what is the African continent analogue)

I think adding non-MI/disabled PoC would be the best way to go. Be careful not to link MI/disability with race in description as well. There’s plenty of opportunity in family members, friends, colleagues, etc. to add them in. 

~ Mod Alice

me: hey how about i take up this hobby

brain: ok sure. how about we do nothing but that for the next month or so

me: i mean,, i was kind of thinking more along the lines of, an hour or two every couple days

brain: you want to just,, be able to stop doing it and just,, come back to it later and do it fairly regularly????

me: precisely

brain: Impossible, an Absurd suggestion

2

19/02/16

This will be my more in depth monthly tracker for march. Since I use my bullet journal mostly to keep track of habits etc. I decided I might as well dedicate two pages to it haha.

It comes in very handy to keep track of my cfs symptoms since I haven’t yet figured out what causes which symptoms and it’s also nice to have this kind of overview for my visits at the doctors.

If you suffer from cfs or other illnesses, you can probably add this to your bujo too to keep track of everything.

xxx

The Schaudenfreude Deepens

Dankin Doodoos back at it again with some great news. Graig, formerly the store’s bitch, was too embarrassed by losing his blue shirt for a second time, i might add (maybe ill get into that another time), and quit the next day by not showing up and calling afterwards. Like the scumbag he is.

Thankfully, my manager has decided to be more careful with hiring people and has decided not to rehire anyone who had been known to be either A) shitty to work with, B) skip work with shitty excuses or C) attempted to sabotage their coworkers by “snitching” on their personal lives. So yeah at least 5 other shitty people who used to work for us had tried to come crawling back because their new jobs didn’t work, some of which were even on the schedule to come back next week, were immediately cut and now we have new people who have actually begun to run circles around the current crew we have now.

I think my manager is finally seeing the big picture that is: Sure we are short handed, but if we get new people that don’t act like dickheads that are willing to work, and not literally hire anyone who decides to walk in and apply, regardless of experience, everything will work out!

I might add more Graig posts tho ;P

He may be gone but I’ll be damned if all the bullshit he had put everyone through would be forgotten

Fav Things About Booty and the Boot

• Pere Robert and the church library
• b l a c k r e p r e s e n t a t i o n t h a n k y o u
• “small town, small minded”
• “URGH”
• *angrily throws chicken seed*
Bonus: when Dan and Em were talking about it and he goes ‘my Belle’ ahhhhh
• Maurice singing/How Can Moment Last Forever
• Belles mom is addressed thank you
• Inventor!Belle
• Belle “I invented the washing machine” *insert last name*
• “it’s a small town…I’ve met them all”
• This family is savage
• um are we not gonna talk about how Philippe is basically the third family member like
• seriously, thank you filmmakers for keeping it so that they still treated good ol Philippe the way the did in the animated one
• emma watsons voice is amazing
• she is perf as belle
• fight me
• m8 come aT ME

~ la dee da might add more later ~

• “who r u?”
• “who r U?!”
• Lumiere you are so e x t r a
• ewan mcgregor as lumiere
• like
• who knew i needed that
• “or as i like to call it, the only wing!”
• belle escaping the dress madame garderobe threw on her like wow
• Belle “yeah ill just make a makeshift rope no problemo” *insert last name*

~ skip some stuff ~

• THE DANCE WAS EVERYTHING
• THE DRESS WAS EVERYTHING
• THE CHOREOGRAPHY WAS EVERYTHING
• THINGS THAT WERE EVERYTHING:
- Beast dipping Belle
- Emma thompson singing
- THE DECORATION INSTRUMENTS
- BUT LIKE THEY PLAYED ANYWAY
- I WANT TO DANCE THIS DANCE
- SOMEONE BE MY PARTNER
- THEIR FACES THEIR LOOKS LIKE
- THIS ROMANCE IS AMAZING

~ um ~

• EVERMORE AHHHHHHHHH

~ boopedy boop i skippidy skooped ~

• growl
• gROWL

~ some last words ~

• highlight of 2k17
• gonna watch it in gold class by myself because why not
• my grades have risen, my pores have cleared, this movie cured my cancer

~ some more words ~

• someone give me more human adam and belle scenes/interactions because
• like
• the thing i was looking for near the end of the film was exactly that
• i need to see that he’s still “Beast”
• do you feel me fam?

anonymous asked:

How do I know if I'm autistic? I relate to a lot of the posts, but I have mental illness that may account for that

Hmm… I personally would start with some very basic information on autism. ASAN has this as a starting point!!! Hell, ASAN as a whole is a great starting point. 

This is the diagnostic criteria, though I believe it’s outdated, I just can’t find anything else that isn’t from autism speaks or similar organizations, I only skimmed so I’m unsure if there’s any ableist language!!

Remember that everyone has a different experience of autism, it’s a spectrum!! You can find it easier to read people than a lot of autistics but at the same time suffer from severe sensory issues, or anything else!! 

A lot of mental illnesses can have very similar symptoms, but, at the same time, autistic people tend to be more prone to these mental illnesses. (ADD and ADHD very commonly are seen in autistic people. Personality disorders (Especially BPD) and various psychotic disorders (especially schizophrenia) are also commonly seen in autistic people

If you want to come back and give me more details, that’s totally cool!!

-Mod Rhys

(If you have anything to add or want to correct me on something, please do!! Send an ask, however, as replies and reblogs get lost in the activity!!)

Underrated Game Grumps Moments

So my roundup of how fucking wacky batshit the grumps are in general got loads of notes, and I wanted to do a list of, y’know, their actual show’s best moments. 

But we all know Battle Kid, Teletubbies, Mark Zuckerberg and all those sorts of classic moments, so I’ve, over several days, accumulated a number of my personal favourite moments that are underrated compared to the classics, because most of my personal favourite moments are. I’ve used quotes as titles that hopefully give the flavour of the moment without spoiling the moment itself.

So without further ado….

Probably more to come later because I couldn’t find a number of Steam Train/Grumpcade/Table Flip moments I wanted to add but fuck it, take this and enjoy it, you bastards. 

MASTERLIST

The Intern (Jungkook Fanfic) - Part One / Part Two / Part Three / Part Four / Part Five / Part Six / Part Seven / Part Eight / Part Nine / Epilogue 

Skylines & Teacups (Yoongi fanfic) - Part One / Part Two / Part Three / part four coming soon

more coming soon!

heyy!! if you’re reading this and have no clue who i am, im tee, and ive been running this riverdale sideblog for the last month or so now!! it’s no big deal, i know,  but i recently hit 2k!! im honestly really confused, but im not complaining lmao, so i wanted to write up a little follow forever just to thank my mutals + just recommend some blogs that i find funny/enjoy the content of (whether happen we be mutals or not)! a heads up - not all the blogs recommended are strictly riverdale orientated blogs, but they’re still all worth checking out! the list is under the cut!

Keep reading

DECEMBER OF DRAGON FEMSLASH!

Day 28:  Josiana (Josephine x Leliana)

they had a wild and reckless romance in their youth, full of parties and making out in closets and underclothes nailed to the chanters board, that fizzled and ended with naught but a whisper. they took different paths in life, though they remained friends.they were young. of course it couldnt have lasted.

when they meet again, older and lined and more troubled, they find the affection still there, and deeper now, more true.

(alternatively: leliana chases off so many of josephines suitors, deeming them Not Good Enough for her, that eventually josephine notices and accuses her of being jealous. leliana doesnt squawk in indginations; shes too collected for that. but the sudden hesitation in her eyes convinces josephine that she was right. “you really are jealous!” then they kiss.)

ill be posting one npc/npc femslash pic a day all month. like femslash rarepairs? they will be here. feel free to come and request a femslash rarepair! ive either drawn it already or will add it to the overflow bin

Day 1: Morriana
Day 2: Merribela
Day 3: Sigranna
Day 4: Cassephine
Day 5: Viviera
Day 6: Josiebela
Day 7: Cassera
Day 8: Josera
Day 9: Meranna
Day 10: Merigrun
Day 11: Velanni
Day 12: Brianni
Day 13: Bethiana
Day 14: Isabethany
Day 15: Dagrun
Day 16: Avelandra
Day 17: Isabeline
Day 18: Leliandra
Day 19: Morriene
Day 20: Shiora
Day 21: Meragna
Day 22: Brialiana
Day 23: Valmac Tir
Day 24: Tallera
Day 25: Talliana
Day 26: Lacephine
Day 27: Charting

things i dont understand about the phandom
  • heart eyes howell/love eyes lester
  • when they do literally anything and it’s labeled as ‘domestic’
  • platonic gestures apparently equals marriage
  • making connections between 2 unrelated things that happened years apart (ie, dans old formspring/dailybooth answers, “we don’t share clothes,” etc)
  • labeling only dan as being attracted to boys in order to prove phan
  • only calling dan a rat or trash and attacking anyone who tries to do the same with phil
  • literally why does everyone hate dan so much
  • acting like they cant function like the grown adults they are when they’re apart
  • romanticizing jealous/possesive!dan
  • having a hissy fit every time dan wears something expensive
  • having a giant hissy fit every time either of them are around a female who isn’t louise
  • spamming their youtube friends’ comments with ‘protip’ or ‘dont cry craft’

feel free to add more or yell at me in my inbox

Quotes/Descriptions of BPD

I decided to gather a list of descriptions/quotes that stood out and really captured the essence of Borderline Personality Disorder/Emotional Regulation Disorder.
I found these particular quotes to be very descriptive and provide a great interpretation/awareness of what it is like for those affected by the condition. 

- “People with BPD are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement.” -Dr. Marsha Linehan

- “Borderline individuals are the psychological equivalent of third-degree-burn patients. They simplyhave, so to speak, no emotional skin.”-Dr. Marsha Linehan

-[Someone with borderline personality disorder] ‘can be thought of as suffering from a kind of hemophilia; one lacks the clotting mechanism needed to moderate the spurts of feeling. Stimulate a passion or prick the delicate ‘skin,’ and one emotionally bleeds to ‘death.’-Jerold Kriesman and Hal Straus

- “The borderline personality disorder is one of the most delicate but perhaps most sinister of monsters. The gather is small swarms around their victims and use pheromones to heighten the emotions of said victim, before feeding off on the emotion itself. They feed upon any emotion but tend to favor feelings of depression.
The monster is made almost completely of a clear ice, rendering it invisible. Only the maple shaped leaf on its tail is visible to the naked eye and looks like a falling leaf. At times, when the monster gorges itself too much on any given emotion its can overwhelm them and they simply shatter like glass.” -zestydoesthings (Mental illness in form of “monsters”(x)).

- “All mental disorders are sad, but I’ve found borderline to be especially heartbreaking because it comes with such feelings of inadequacy and such a need for acceptance and love, but even when the person gets those things they can hardly accept them, and it doesn’t really change the way they feel about themselves.”-Chad Boxx

- “You can feel the words crawling under your skin. They either can kill you or bring you back to life! Words are so powerful in our brain and before and what you add after a word can give it a soul with heartbeats. But if used as weapons, the feeling of cruel words can be brutal and cut like a knife and beat of heavy chains.” -Ana Landa

- “Emotional intensity" [in borderline personality disorder] means that emotional reactions are extreme. Emotionally intense individuals are the dramatic people of the world. On the negative side, partings may precipitate very intense and painful grief; what would cause slight embarrassment for another may cause deep humiliation; annoyance may turn to rage; shame may develop from slight guilt; apprehension may escalate to a panic attack or incapacitating terror. On the positive side, emotionally intense individuals may be idealistic and likely to fall in love at the drop of a hat. They may experience joy more easily, and thus may also be more susceptible to spiritual experiences.“ -Marsha Linehan

- “In the life cycle of an intense emotion, if it isn’t acted upon, it eventually peaks and then decreases. But as Dr. Linehan explains, people with BPD have a different physiological experience with this process because of three key biological vulnerabilities (1993a): First, we’re highly sensitive to emotional stimuli (meaning we experience social dynamics, the environment, and our own inner states with an acuteness similar to having exposed nerve endings). Second, we respond more intensely and much more quickly, than other people. And third, we don’t ‘come down’ from our emotions for a long time. Once the nerves have been touched, the sensations keep peaking. Shock waves of emotion that might pass through others in minutes keep cresting in us for hours, sometimes days.” -Kiera Van Gelder 

- “BPD is like being a ball of clay that is being reshaped continuously by its surroundings and the ever-changing environment. it is amorphous and has no true form. it is easily manipulated and can be made to look like something else.” - misophonias  (x)

- “I may have no emotional skin and come undone at the smallest interpersonal upset, but I’d make a great bullfighter or firefighter—anything that gets my adrenaline going and focuses me on a physical target. The motorcycle is all of that and more. When I’m on the bike, it feels like a door opens in my chest and the world rushes in, pure, fresh, and sparkling with clarity. It forces me to approach fear with total awareness and to pull reason mind into the moment of intense reactions.”  -Kiera Van Gelder

- “To be borderline is to have little sense of who you are or what turns you on. At its extreme, it may mean having to turn to others for cues in order to know when to eat or drink, work or rest, or even laugh or cry. It may mean intensely embracing a person, idea, or thing one day, and having no use at all for it the next. This lack of a constant picture of one’s self, one’s values, or one’s passions is at the heart of the borderline personality. Imagine floating randomly through space without any sense of up or down and without a map to show you either your origin or destination. To be borderline means to lack grounding emotionally and to exist from moment to moment without any sense of continuity, predictability, or meaning. Life is experienced in fragments, more like a series of snapshots than a moving picture. It is a series of discreet points of experience that fail to flow together smoothly or to create an integrated whole.” -Richard Moskovits

- “It’s a lot like being inside a burning building and yelling for help, while the fireman outside says ‘What are you so upset about? Just climb over the rubble and come on out!” -Alexander L. Chapman

- ‘Identity is graded on a curve. Who they are (and what they do) today determines their worth, with little regard to what has come before. They allow themselves no laurels on which to rest. Like Sisyphus, they are doomed to roll the boulder repeatedly up the hill, needing to prove themselves over and over again.’ -Jerold Kriesman and Hal Straus

(I might add more later!)

christmas pudding | m

◇ Hoseok and Vernon were complete opposites - but don’t opposites attract?

◇ Vernon x reader x Wonho

◇ college!au + poly!au

◇ aaaah k-smut trash anon!!!! This was supposed to be for ur birthday but i got so far behind on schoolwork that it’s only coming out now TT I hope you had a good birthday though!!! Also, i have a feeling you wanted more pwp than i wrote? Something like ‘birthday girl’, maybe? But i just wrote this kinda cutely with a bit more plot so i hope you like!!!

◇ also i cant add gifs like i usually do bc tumblr is shit so im sorry :( ill try and add them later!!

•••

Hoseok and Vernon were as opposite as black and white.

Vernon was the awkward one - the bashful friend, the ‘stay-up-till-one-playing-video-games’ one, the one who could never talk to the opposite sex without going red in the face and stuttering. With his pale skin, light eyes and floppy brown hair, he was the epitome of a childhood friend.

Your mothers had been friends and by default, that made you two friends - but it never felt forced. Vernon was easy-going, even in his childhood, and he was kind and smart, too. It was no surprise that you stayed friends from Kindergarten to middle school to high school, and even until college - which was when you met Hoseok.

He was beaming, blonde hair slicked back charmingly and head cocked to the side as he took in both you and Hansol. He was easy to get along with, and although his inappropriateness took a while to become comfortable with, you were soon just as chill with Hoseok as you were with Vernon, and vice versa.

With tanned skin and blonde hair and his beautiful dark eyes, Hoseok really was the opposite of Vernon, but that didn’t matter. You and Vernon decided to ask Hoseok to move in with you both 2 years after meeting each other; the rent is high and we can’t pay it alone - hey, Hoseok, weren’t you saying you were looking for a new place…?

And from then, it was smooth sailing. You eventually realised how you all worked together and in harmony to accommodate all 3 of you - Vernon cleaned because he couldn’t cook, Hoseok went shopping because he detested cleaning, and you cooked because that was what you were best at. And yes, there were times where Hoseok left all his dirty clothes in a pile or when Vernon left the toilet seat up, but it was all good because once it was brought up, it rarely ever happened again.

You just - you just worked. And you never thought it was weird, like others would: your mother would tsk at you, folding her arms in a huff whenever you mentioned your two male roommates - “You can’t beliving with two men, ____!” - and despite the fact that she’s known Vernon since you were in diapers, her trust was wearing down with each day.

But the point is, you never found it weird, even when slowly yet surely your relationship with them became much more… romantic. You were just so comfortable with them that it never bothered you if Hoseok walked in while you were showering to brush his teeth, or if Vernon wanted to cuddle with you, or when Hoseok kept kissing Vernon’s cheek and slipping in cheesy comments when you were hanging out.

It wasn’t until it was pointed out to you that you realised that Hoseok and Vernon were basically acting as if they were your boyfriends - and even more strangely - you didn’t mind.

“_____?” Hoseok’s voice is uncharacteristically quiet, yet it instantly snaps you from your deep daze. The blonde is laying next to you on your bed, his head resting on your stomach and eyes fluttering with every second as you pass your fingers through his bleached locks. He had been weirdly affectionate and soft today - well, more affectionate than usual - and as a result, the apartment was much quieter, especially with Vernon still at college for the time being.

“Yeah?” You hum with a deep inhalation, stretching your arms above your head carefully so as to not disturb the sleepy man beneath you. The TV plays meaninglessly in the background, and you block out the sound of CFs playing to focus on what he’s about to say.

“We…” Hoseok’s voice trails off, already ridden with sleep and a few tones deeper than usual, his chest rising and falling with each quiet breath he took. You raise an eyebrow at him, but his eyes are closed anyway, so you wait patiently for him to to finish. “What - what are we?”

It takes you a few seconds to actually register his query, and when you do it takes every nerve in your body to refrain from stiffening up. You don’t know why, but you can feel heat gathering beneath your cheeks and the room suddenly feels incredibly hot, the air becoming tense and almost making it hard to breathe.

“I - that-” You begin, your words stuttered and slurring together as you desperately try to come up with an answer for him - your reaction only makes him sigh deeper, and suddenly he’s turning on his side so that he face you, his head still resting on your stomach, and the contact seems much more intimate now than it did earlier.

“I want to hold your hand and kiss your lips and cuddle you when you’re sleepy - but with a different title,” he mumbles, and despite his drooping eyes he seems much more awake than earlier. You can only watch, gaping, as he reaches down, intertwining your fingers together.

“But,” he bites his lip, hesitating, “I… I want to love Vernon, too.”

You realise that your stunned silence is probably giving him the wrong idea, and after blinking a few times, you come to your senses.

“Hoseok,” you murmur softly, tightening your grip in his hand and continuing to brush your other one through his hair - he waits patiently, looking up at you expectantly, “I think that’s a wonderful idea.”

And then his hesitant expression on his face is almost immediately replaced with his signature eye smile, and he’s definitely not as tired as he was before because he’s rising to his knees and lunging forward to encase you in a bear hug, and the only thing on your mind is what do we do about Vernon?

Yet you’re laughing, and you rest your chin on his shoulder, giddiness building up in your stomach like a volcano ready to erupt, and you close your eyes from the sheer happiness that you’re suddenly feeling, when-

“What’s going on here?”

Vernon’s voice makes your eyes snap open in milliseconds, and your heart jumps out of your chest as you see him - he’s only just shed his bag, his jacket still on and his nose red from the cold outside. He watches you both with a frown, but Hoseok is quick to separate from you, the joyful grin still on his face as he launches himself at Vernon.

“She agreed!” Hoseok cheers, and with a start you realise that Vernon and Hoseok had already talked about this without you - which explains the growing dopey smile on Vernon’s face, too. He lets out a high pitched sound that’s between an excited scream and a squeal, and he drags Hoseok back towards you, collapsing on the bed with an umph!

And strangely, you realise how relationship-like your friendship was already, because after that, nothing really changes - well, except for the kissing, and the holding hands and, yeah, the sex, too.

•••

Two years later, and your relationship is still thriving as it did when it began. You hadn’t realised how much you really, truly loved Hoseok and Vernon until you noticed the little things you hadn’t noticed during your friendship - how Vernon would nod his head to any music that was playing (any music - trust me, you’ve witnessed it), how Hoseok pouted when he couldn’t have ramen at 4 AM.

You found yourself smiling more and worrying less, and you knew more about your boyfriends now than you had before. Although you would get strange looks in public, your relationship was so comfortable and pleasant that you didn’t care.

“Christmas is near,” Vernon reminds you with a slight nudge, petting his hand over your hair comfortingly. You nod, still focused on the drama playing on the TV. You hear him tsk, and then suddenly his hand is gently on your chin, turning you to face him.

You huff, “So?”

So,” he begins with a roll of his chestnut eyes, drawing you closer to him to place a lingering kiss to your lips, a hum of content leaving his own, his voice a mere whisper as he finishes, “I want to know what you want for Christmas.”

You groan, rolling as far as you could on the couch so that you were laying on your stomach, your head on Vernon’s own stomach. You yawn mindlessly, wrapping your arms around him and focusing back on the drama on TV. “I don’t care.”

You’re not looking at him but you know his eyes are narrowed, because he scoffs and tugs at your hair playfully. “You can’t say that! I have to know…”

“Surprise me,” you shrug. You hear him tsk again, but he doesn’t beg you to tell him again.

“Why can’t you be like Hoseok?” Vernon groans, throwing his head back, “I didn’t even have to ask him. He’s been dropping hints since December 26th last year.”

“What?” You raise your head, an eyebrow cocked teasingly as you lean into him, smirking mischievously, “Am I not worth the effort, Vernon?”

“N-no, of course not - I mean, of course you are, that came out wrong-”

“Well, then,” you raise your eyebrows once more, waiting for him to oppose, before you collapse back into your earlier position for what you hoped was the last time that night.

•••

It was the night before Christmas and every was perfect. When you woke up, you made breakfast for your boyfriends (which was not ramen, much to Hoseok’s disappointment), you got dressed, and you all went out for some last minute Christmas shopping.

The day was chilly and the snow was a few inches thick, but nothing that couldn’t be solved with a hot drink and gloves (Vernon forgot his gloves, though, so you and Hoseok had to settle for holding his hands).

One thing you noticed, though, was how strange they were acting. 'They’ referring to your boyfriends, of course - you had spotted them exchanging secretive grins, or whispering to each other when you walked ahead to go look at some cute trinkets. But you left them alone - you were much too preoccupied with finding the perfect gift for your mother.

Vernon ends up leaving 2 hours later - something about an essay to finish (which makes no sense, but once again, you’re too preoccupied), leaving you to drag Hoseok around the city on your quest for a good present.

“_____,” Hoseok whines, 4 hours into shopping. You’re on the brink of going mad, because the present you had planned to get for your mother wasn’t in stock. You could only blame yourself, really - leave it to you to wait until December 24th to get Christmas presents. The blonde is lingering behind you, and wraps his arms around your waist with a pout, resting his chin on your shoulder. “I’m tired…”

“Hoseok,” you groan, trying to push him away unsuccessfully. “Can you please stop? I need to figure something out for my mother…”

You hear him exhale from behind you, and it’s silent for a second - but he leans in, pressing a gentle kiss on your neck as you scan the shelves for a suitable gift, before he whispers, “What if I told you that I already bought something for her?”

Your head snaps toward him, eyes wide and incredulous. “You got her something?” You echo, curiosity tugging at your mind, “When?”

Hoseok shrugs but he has the most haughty look on his face, brushing his hair away from his face. “You always leave stuff to the last minute, so being the amazing boyfriend I am, I bought her the present you wanted to get her. You’re welcome~”

You can only stare at him, mouth agape and eyes wide in disbelief.

“Why didn’t you say that earlier?” You demand, a sigh of relief leaving your lips, holding a hand to your forehead in an attempt to calm down. A few seconds later, though, you heave a sigh, a grateful smile blooming on your face. “Thanks, baby.”

Hoseok practically glows, and seizes your hand. “Come on, let’s go home before Vernon burns the building down.”

•••

Your nose is running and red and your hands have almost lost feeling in them, but the feeling of stepping into your warm apartment fills you with a warm coziness. You shed your jacker in seconds, your shoes following, when you perk up.

“What’s that smell?” You ask Hoseok, sniffing the air curiously. It couldn’t have been Vernon - he can’t cook for his life. Hoseok shrugs, but he’s grinning so you can’t trust him. Shooting him a jokingly suspicious look, you turn on your heel towards the kitchen.

And lo and behold - Vernon stands in front of the dining table, a beaming grin on his face. The table is set all fancy - candles, napkins and rose petals, and the food looks absolutely amazing. Vernon looks proud of himself, and rightfully so.

“Merry Christmas,” Hoseok whispers in your ear, before he walks around your frozen body, towards the table. You’re still in shock, and you feel tears prick at your eyes as you take in all the work that went into this. And all for you?

“You told me to surprise you,” Vernon smiles, his hands placing themselves on your shoulders, roaming down to your lower back as he leads you to the table, “Did I do a good job, baby?”

“It’s amazing,” you confess truthfully, sitting down beside Hoseok and pulling your chair in. Vernon grins, and takes the seat beside you.

“Well, Mingyu helped too,” he says sheepishly, “Because I didn’t want to give you food poisoning - but the rest was me, and a bit of Hoseok, I guess.”

Hoseok shoots him a childish glare, and Vernon beams back. “This is amazing,” you repeat, glancing at them lovingly, “Thank you, really.”

And so, you spend the next few hours at the dining table, eating delicious food and conversing with your boyfriends and just being happy.

Soon though, in the warm atmosphere, you find that your eyes keep veering towards Hoseok’s lips, and that you have to stop yourself from shivering at the feeling of Vernon’s hand on your thigh.

After clearing away the plates, Vernon sits back down and leans back in his chair, stretching his arms over his head with a lazy grin, turning to look at you. “You ready for dessert?”

“Sure,” you agree easily. Seeing him exchange a glance with Hoseok, you turn to the elder, raising an eyebrow curiously. “As long as it’s not Christmas pudding - I hate that stuff. What’s dessert?”

And Hoseoks smirks that stupid smirk that only comes out in the bedroom, his face inching closer to yours, and you feel your breath catch in your throat. “You.

And before you can completely register his words, his lips are pressing against yours. Instinctively, your eyes are fluttering shut, and you find yourself leaning into the perfect sensation of his soft lips against yours, his tongue slipping into your mouth so easily that it almost makes you forget about Vernon.

Key word: almost. Vernon is quickly making his presence known, and the feeling of his hands drifting up and down your body make you sigh pleasurably. They’re warm, and big, and they feel even better pinching your nipples through your bra, making you whimper.

Hoseok gets impatient easily, though, and minutes after, he tugs you onto his lap, resting his hands on your ass. His blonde locks are so easy to run your hands through, and you hear him moan softly every time you pull just a little harder than usual.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say Hoseok did this for you,” Vernon’s teasing voice cuts through your daze like a knife, and you draw back from the mind dizzying kiss. Lips swollen and eyes dilated, you peer at him - he’s biting his lips, taking in both of your panting forms with appreciation.

A scoff slips passed your mouth, but nevertheless, you clamber off of Hoseok’s lap, drawing a disappointed whine from him, and start towards Vernon.

“We need to get you prepared, don’t we, baby girl?” He whispers softly, pulling at your blouse. You raise your arms over your head, and he pulls it off you easily. The next to go is your belt, and after, your jeans. You’re the only one naked, but you don’t feel uncomfortable, especially with Vernon’s hands nearing between your thighs. “Or else you won’t be able to take us, huh?”

You only let out a weak moan of agreement as his fingers begin to trail up and down your pussy, dipping slightly into your entrance and gathering some wetness before pulling back up, bumping your clit roughly.

Chest heaving with every breath, you lean forward to rest your hands against the back of his chair, steadying yourself as your hips begin to rock against his hand. Your eyes begin to flutter shut, the pleasure that comes from the feeling of his fingers inside you almost overwhelming you, but a low groan stops you.

Through half-lidded eyes, you watch as Hoseok pumps himself slowly, eyes fixated on how Vernon’s thumb circles your bundle of nerves precisely, his bottom lip caught between his teeth and a light sheen of sweat coating his temples. He seems to sense your eyes, and his eyes travel up your bare body to meet your dark, dazed orbs.

“I think you’re ready,” Vernon nods, and despite the irritated huff that escapes you, he slips his fingers from your warmth. You almost moan aloud, though, when instead of wiping your juices off of his fingers, he reaches over to Hoseok and begins to use your juices as lube to pump him.

Hoseok does moan aloud, however, his head resting against the back of his chair and his Adam’s Apple bobbing with each shallow thrust of his hips. You take the moment to climb off of Vernon’s lap, setting yourself on the kitchen table and watching with flushed cheeks as Vernon leans in to Hoseok, connecting their lips in a passionate, sloppy kiss.

They only break away minutes later, their lips as swollen and puffy as yours are, their eyes dark and lust filled. Vernon plants one last kiss on Hoseoks’s lips, before he stands, shedding his clothing and joining you on the table.

His hands grasp your thighs, and he pulls you towards him roughly, his arms hugging your hips tight as he connects your lips in your own passionate inferno. By reflex, your arms are already winding around his neck, and it allows him to switch your places almost instantly - him, laying down against the cool glass, and you on top of him.

You vaguely register Hoseok undoing his own clothes, but your eyes are purely transfixed by Vernon’s. He watches you, his pupils blown up and his cheeks flushed - and then, his voice husky and breathy, he speaks: “Will you ride me, baby girl?”

And he doesn’t even have to ask you, because you’re already grasping his cock with one hand and guiding it towards your entrance. You sink down on him with a breathy groan, screwing your eyes shut as you stretch to accommodate his girth.

It’s only seconds later, when you’ve bottomed out on him, that you begin to ride him properly, raising your hips and dropping down on him at a growing pace. Every explosion of pleasure that occurs beneath your skin is only heightened when you manage to raise your hands to your boobs, rolling your sensitive nipples between your fingers.

Hoseok is fully naked, now, and the sight of you riding Vernon like the queen you were makes him groan. He’s quick to stand behind Vernon, the younger’s head dropping lightly off the table to please Hoseok, his mouth opening invitingly.

Your thighs are growing tired and your arms are screaming in pain but the feeling off Vernon inside of you is too good - you can’t stop, especially when you open your eyes and spot Vernon taking Hoseok in his mouth expertly. The way Hoseok’s tongue shoots out to wet his bottom lip and how he allows his hooded eyes to gaze at you makes arousal pulse in your stomach, and it’s hard to take air into your lungs for a few seconds.

You let out a tired whine as you throw your head back, and resort to grinding your hips roughly back and forth instead of bouncing on top of him, your eyes fluttering shut as you chase your orgasm.

Hoseok’s moans are increasing in frequency and pitch; he’s close, you can tell, and the way Vernon’s right hand is digging into your thigh tells you he’s definitely close too - suddenly, he’s jamming his thumb against your clit, and the sudden stimulation throws you over the edge.

It starts from the bottom and makes its way up - toes curling, your legs tense as waves of white heat wash over your body, travelling up to your arms and making goosebumps rise over your skin. Your eyebrows are deeply furrowed, eyes closed so tight it’s almost painful, and you can’t even muster the strength to moan. Your mouth remains open in a silent scream as you cum hard around Vernon, hips still moving furiously.

You seem to set off a chain reaction; Hoseok lets out a last high pitched moan, grasping Vernon’s hair tightly as he pumps his seed into his mouth, and the taste of Hoseok and the feeling of your tight walls contracting around him sends Vernon into a powerful orgasm.

As the pleasure fades to a dull thrum, Hoseok gently removes himself from Vernon’s mouth with a groan. You follow his lead, and lift yourself off of your boyfriend tiredly, almost collapsing right back onto the glass. Vernon, meanwhile, lays still and sated, his eyes shut and his chest heaving as he basks in the afterglow of his orgasm.

Some paper towels are placed in front of you, and you send Hoseok a tired smile as you take them up. “Thanks,” you murmur, almost groaning as you feel the scratchiness in your throat. You begin to clean Vernon’s cum out of you gently, while Hoseok retrieves some glasses of water - however, he doesn’t give them to you straight away, only gesturing to you to follow him to your bedroom.

With a yawn, you pick yourself up, wobbling on your feet as you hit the ground. You pull Vernon up, and the man groans as you guide him away from the kitchen and to where Hoseok was waiting.

“My throat is dead,” Vernon mumbles with a whine, collapsing next to Hoseok on the bed. The blonde grins, massaging his thumb over Vernon’s neck fondly.

“I’m sorry,” he pouts, reaching to get one of the glasses of water he prepared. Hoseok frowns as he sees Vernon beginning to doze off. “Nuh uh - you have to drink something first, baby…”

He sends you a warning look too when you clamber onto the bed, ready to completely face plant and sleep the rest of the day away. “You too, baby girl.”

“Alright, alright,” you groan playfully, taking the glass from him. Hoseok makes sure you both drank your water, and then downed one himself - and then, after making sure you were all alright, and dressing you all in oversized t-shirts, he tucks all three of you into bed.

“Merry Christmas, baby girl,” Vernon mumbles sleepily, before he’s completely knocked out. Hoseok whispers a Merry Christmas, _____, before he too has blacked out.

You fall asleep with a smile on your face, and wake up the next morning with one, too.

(“Vernon! How did you know I wanted this?”

“Don’t act like you haven’t be shoving hints down our throats for the passed year, Hoseok-”)