language exams should assess you on your ability to
- assemble ikea furniture according to the instructions
- command a trained dog
- figure out what is going on by listening to only one side of a telephone conversation
- fill out a medical form
- find words that rhyme
- follow a recipe accurately
- give directions to the nearest bookstore
- have a conversation with a parrot
- interpret nutritional information on food packaging
- play hangman
- play scrabble
- read large numbers out loud
- read messy handwriting
- talk to young children
- understand and make puns
- understand someone who is talking and brushing their teeth at the same time
- understand someone who is talking and eating at the same time
- understand song lyrics
- use a computer
- use siri
Derek had returned from a conference where the new CEO, Mr Stiles Stilinski, took over his company in a so called meeting where all the white collared, richly clothed shareholders - assholes - voted against Derek. He hadn’t even waited for a final handshake with the new owner. He knew, he’d never be able to fake a smile when his heart was shattering into a thousand pieces. Well, they had Peter to deal with these formalities.
[aka, Derek was already having the worst day when he was hit by his heat, right in the middle of his office]
Stiles is an omega of considerable means which means he doesn’t have to worry much about going through his heats alone. He just has to worry about falling in love with the alpha seeing him through them.
Stiles is sick of having an abundance of overzealous heats. As soon as he turned eighteen he went to get a prescription for a new drug that could supposedly help him with his heats. Nothing goes to plan.
dirk gently would call his friends for help in a very urgent tone that his friends thought he was in immediate danger and rushed to his location to only find out that he is actually in need of much help to assemble an ikea cabinet which he has no clue on which part goes where.
We just finished making our table numbers and I thought I’d take a couple of pictures and share!
Because we were in an LDR for 4 years, we went for a travel/adventure theme and have based all tables on places that are important to us and have also included 3 fictional locations from 3 of our favorite games ^^! Included one of our centerpieces as well as one of our wedding favors! Just got my funko minis in for a group shot, along with my bobblehead. I was tempted to have a toy accompany each centerpiece and table number but Im too protective of them and would worry about them disappearing >_<;
Just grabbed the logos from online super quick and don’t want to take credit for them so if there’s someone I should credit, please let me know! All I’m responsible for here is shoving paper into ikea frames and assembling them ^^;
listen….… . i love angst and sexual sheriaty (hell that’s all i write) but i live for awkward/silly/not fluffy domestic sheriarty.
jim and sherlock trying to assemble ikea furniture, jim and sherlock cooking togethet and making a mess, jim and sherlock and a super competitive just dance match, jim and sherlock arguing over the thermostat settings and pretty much everything
A little fan comic I drew for figmentforms Zelgan comic, A Tale of Two Rulers! It’s a super excellent comic with beautiful art! You all should give it a read!
This comic was inspired by my own father, who does very “dad” things all the time. The idea of Ganondorf of doing stereotypical dad thing amuses me. I imagine him and Zelda to be a type of couple that argues over how to assemble IKEA furniture.
Who spent the whole morning assembling IKEA furniture? Who also spent the whole morning coming up with ‘Starks- and Theon -assembling IKEA furniture’ headcanons? Yuh, me.
But, like, picture it:
Robb insisting they all lay everything out and follow the directions because that’show you’re supposed to do it, guys. He gets very frustrated because they all immediately don’t listen and start doing their own thing. Robb is also nearly always susceptible to someone dropping something on his feet (Theon).
Theon just fucking going for it because he’s a genius and totally knows what he’s doing…then he has to back track a hundred and four times because where the hell is this screw supposed to go? Oh, and he will still refuse to look at the instructions (just to piss off Robb). Jon and he fight over nearly every little thing until Robb has them separated to opposite parts of the room like children. Theon makes faces the whole time which Bran and Rickon try (and fail) not to laugh about. Usually he gets a disapproving look from Arya and there is a fifty-fifty chance Robb and Sansa smile or frown. (As long as one of them smiles, he considers it a job well done).
Jon tries to let Robb be the leader but ends up being in charge…but like, in a very passive way that almost always ends up with him frustrated because no one will listen to him unless he is direct and forward. (Maybe we should put the hinges on the chest before connecting it to the lid? What if we level it now to make sure it isn’t lopsided? Is there a reason we are putting the legs on now? Shouldn’t we wait? Guys? Can you even fucking hear me? Goddamnit.)
Sansa brings out the old rugs and towels to lay the parts on so they don’t get scuffs on it (if it were up to the rest of them, all the white panels would have scratches and dents in it before whatever it is was fully assembled). She’s in charge of the tools and parts because last time she wasn’t Rickon “lost” half of them and they had to call the manufacturer for more. She also has the first aid kit readily accessible because someone (Arya) always getting a little cuts on their fingers and one time a sprained finger.
Arya steals half the tools from Sansa almost immediately because she’s going to do it all by herself Jon, I don’t need your help and get the damn instructions away from me, Robb, before I hit both of you with this hammer. I’m not kidding.
Bran doesn’t use the instructions either but somehow is also 100% accurate with his guesses. Also, he’s the only one who was able to put the double shelved closet a together in under an hour- something Robb and his instructions and Arya and her guessing can never do. Rickon retaliates Bran’s success by dumping clumps of dust and wood chips into his hair. He’s the only one that tries to help Jon direct the others.
Rickon is supposed to just help out by holding things in place and putting the screws in the holes (they don’t trust him after they helped Sansa assemble her furniture for the apartment and they somehow ended up with six lopsided drawers even though there were only supposed to be four). However, if the rest of the siblings forget to include him (too many people working on one desk tends to do that), he starts messing with them: hiding the screw drivers, giving different instructions to Robb when he isn’t looking, purposefully giving the wrong screws over, saying it looks off balanced when it isn’t just so Jon stressed and re-measures. Occasionally (60% of the time), Arya joins him because it is much more fun than arguing with Bran over the assembly of the coffee table.
It gets done in the end, but what would have been a three hour assembling job turns into two days, six mental break downs (mostly Robb), screams of frustration (solely Arya and Theon), two injuries (usually to Jon trying to prevent someone else from being hurt and then probably Theon for just fucking going at it without thinking), ten breaks (something has gone missing), someone always storms off angry (Sansa) and the dogs getting in the way until Rickon herds them off.
Arya and Theon tend to use the most cuss words when assembling the furniture and switch off at screaming at the pieces into submission (it never works). Robb and Jon exchange huffs of exasperation while Bran and Sansa tut in dismay. Rickon is far to amused because this is fun!Why is everyone red in the face? Will it kill you to crack a smile for once?
It used to be a family thing with Ned and Cat also trying to help but then they saw the mess their children where and figure that their mental health was far more important than the assembly of the sweet yellow arm chair.
Sorry for the ramble- this came out of no where. Time for a nap.
Imagine Jane and Thor decide to share an apartment; Thor volunteers a reluctant Loki to help with the move.
On move in day, all their belongings arrive at the new place, including the new furniture from Ikea. Thor didn’t realize that the furniture didn’t come assembled, but says “How hard could it be?“ From flying in the Dark Elves ship, Loki already knows this won’t go well. He volunteers to paint the living room instead.
For the next hour he hears groans and grunts coming from the room where Thor is assembling furniture. When that turns into shouting and tool throwing, Jane runs to investigate. The ground is littered in bolts and metal brackets which Thor couldn’t make fit. He and Jane discuss hiring someone to build the furniture for them. As they go back to the bedroom, Loki is sliding the last drawer into the second nightstand while sitting on the finished bed frame. He grins as Thor’s jaw drops.
"I read the instructions. You should try it sometime.”
“Because it’s for silly consulting detectives who manage to mutilate themselves whilst assembling IKEA furniture. Seriously, Sherlock, why on earth did you even use a saw on that shelf? It’s flat-pack furniture. Everything you need is in the bloody pack. One could assemble it with the screwdriver of a Swiss Army knife.”
“I used a Swiss Army knife.”
“Yeah, and sawed off half your hand and then managed to hit your head on the half-finished shelf. Well done.”
“I was going to improve the design. To make it suitable for our bicycles.”
“Excellent. Did the idea cross your mind that cycling with one hand only is rather out of the question?”
“I didn’t mean to injure myself. The saw slipped. Moreover, the instructions in the manual were completely useless.”
“They’re written so that everybody can understand and follow them. Guess in your brilliance you overthought them. Anyway, this goes on the blog. ‘The Great Shelf-Massacre of 221C’, that’s what I’m going to call it.”
“No, why? To once again remind people that I’m human?”
“Yes, exactly. And because you look cute with that bee band aid on your head.”