ikea assembly

language exams should assess you on your ability to

- assemble ikea furniture according to the instructions
- command a trained dog
- figure out what is going on by listening to only one side of a telephone conversation
- fill out a medical form
- find words that rhyme
- follow a recipe accurately
- give directions to the nearest bookstore
- have a conversation with a parrot
- interpret nutritional information on food packaging
- lipread
- play hangman
- play scrabble
- read large numbers out loud
- read messy handwriting
- swear
- talk to young children
- understand and make puns
- understand someone who is talking and brushing their teeth at the same time
- understand someone who is talking and eating at the same time
- understand song lyrics
- use a computer
- use siri
- whisper

kirstjohnson  asked:

Hello lovelies! Could you do me a huuuge favour and update the heat tag pretty please? Xx


Winter Wolf by dragon_temeraire (1/1 | 3,214 | NC17)

Derek’s been acting really irritable lately, and Stiles is determined to find out why.

A Little Love and Attention by ADevilsHunger (Dream_tempo) (1/1 | 1,575 | NC17)

“No, no. That’s not– it’s just– this isn’t like a thing. It’s not like I’m offering to buy you a pizza for helping assemble some Ikea furniture.”

It’s mating season and Derek has a bit of a problem he can only ask his best friend for help with. Only thing is, that problem’s in his pants.

Discovery Channel Taught Me by xxjinchuurikixx (1/1 | 19,350 | NC17)

Derek goes into rut in the early winter, and he can’t stand being near Stiles.
Stiles comes over to make sure Derek isn’t dead. Good job, Scott.


“Stiles… You have to leave. Please–just go away.”
“It’s okay, buddy… We’re gonna get through this.” He touches Derek’s chest with his own, fingers brushing Derek’s neck. “I’m here.”

Taking Care by LoveActually_rps (1/1 | 3,413 | NC17)

Derek had returned from a conference where the new CEO, Mr Stiles Stilinski, took over his company in a so called meeting where all the white collared, richly clothed shareholders - assholes - voted against Derek. He hadn’t even waited for a final handshake with the new owner. He knew, he’d never be able to fake a smile when his heart was shattering into a thousand pieces. Well, they had Peter to deal with these formalities.

[aka, Derek was already having the worst day when he was hit by his heat, right in the middle of his office]

burning up for you by haleofStilesheart (1/1 | 2,875 | NC17)

Stiles is an omega of considerable means which means he doesn’t have to worry much about going through his heats alone. He just has to worry about falling in love with the alpha seeing him through them.

Just Fine by limesnapdragon (1/1 | 10,884 | NC17)

Stiles is nervous for the mating run. He’s an omega, and he doesn’t want an undeniable biological attraction to some dickhead who thinks he’s inferior.

Lubridix by Ookamisan (1/1 | 4,743 | NC17)

Stiles is sick of having an abundance of overzealous heats. As soon as he turned eighteen he went to get a prescription for a new drug that could supposedly help him with his heats. Nothing goes to plan.

We just finished making our table numbers and I thought I’d take a couple of pictures and share!

Because we were in an LDR for 4 years, we went for a travel/adventure theme and have based all tables on places that are important to us and have also included 3 fictional locations from 3 of our favorite games ^^! Included one of our centerpieces as well as one of our wedding favors! Just got my funko minis in for a group shot, along with my bobblehead. I was tempted to have a toy accompany each centerpiece and table number but Im too protective of them and would worry about them disappearing >_<;

Just grabbed the logos from online super quick and don’t want to take credit for them so if there’s someone I should credit, please let me know!  All I’m responsible for here is shoving paper into ikea frames and assembling them ^^;

If pairs of shinigami and espada had to build a desk together

As requested by anon. :)

Espada and shinigami have been *randomly* paired together, and now they must put together a desk. From Ikea, say. How is that going to go?

1. Komamura & Aaroniero

Komamura: These tiny screws are hard to assemble with my giant paws.

Komamura: Can I see the instruction manual again?

Aaroniero: You know, I am actually the espada with the most potential.

Komamura: Uh

Aaroniero: When I consume things, I get their powers.

Komamura: Okay but

Aaroniero: I just learned something, though.

Aaroniero: Eating Ikea instructions does not grant me the power of Ikea assembly.

Aaroniero: Which seems, just, SO unfair.


Aaroniero: Oh sure. Blame me.

2. Nemu & Nel

Nemu: This looks like a job for me and my drill hand.

Nemu: Maybe you should just….what are you doing?

Nel: I’m trying to screw these screws into my thumb!

Nemu: Why?

Nel: Because Nel is a masso-kiss!

Nemu: Yeah I get that.

3. Yamamoto and Yammy

Yamamoto: I don’t think these pegs even fit into these holes.

Yamamoto: What is this human nonsense?

Yammy: Ha! You can’t get the pegs in, huh? Sounds like weakness!

Yammy: I’ll SMASH those pegs in with my FISTS!





Yamamoto: So now we have desk splinters.

Yammy: That’s what we were trying to make, right?

4. Matsumoto and Starrk

Starrk: Building desks isn’t really my thing. Let’s just forget it.

Matsumoto: Forget it? We can’t do that!

Matsumoto: What we CAN do is get super drunk until my captain comes in, sees what a mess we’ve made, and the builds the desk for us!

Starrk: That does sound better.

Matsumoto: I’ll get the sake!

5. Tosen and Grimmjow

Tosen: Paired with you? An espada who does not understand how to listen to instructions or do anything right? Ridiculous.

Grimmjow: Hey! I’m not exactly grinning with joy either!

Grimmjow: I hate you, I hate instructions, and I hate desks!

Tosen: You hate desks? I do not believe you’ve ever thought about desks long enough to form an opinion.




Grimmjow: If I help you build this stupid desk will you not tell anyone I said that?

Tosen: Just hand me the box.

6. Rukia and Halibel?

Rukia: Okay, so HOW do I put this peg in?

Halibel: You just push it through.

Rukia: ???

Halibel: Just poke it through.

Rukia: ???

Halibel: Like in this drawing here.

Rukia: ???

Halibel: Do you not understand?

Rukia: It’s like the goddamn juice box all over again.

Rukia (whispering): My old nemesis.

Halibel: …maybe you should just hand me things.

7. Byakuya and Ulquiorra

Ulquiorra: I will read you the instructions. You will assemble the desk.

Byakuya: No. I will read you the instructions. You will assemble the desk.

Ulquiorra: This is not a negotiation. It is an order.

Byakuya: My pride will not allow me to take orders from the likes of you.

Ulquiorra: Then I will force you to build this desk.

Byakuya: Someone at your power will not be able to force me to hammer even a single nail.

Ulquiorra: We will see.


8. Kyoraku and Zommari

Zommari: …are you napping, using the Ikea box as a pillow?

Kyoraku: Just absorbing the instructions via osmosis!

Zommari: That is not how anything works.

Kyoraku: Really? I thought a guy like you, who likes meditation, would be into this!

Zommari: I am not “into” building a desk with a shinigami, nor of being paired with one who is clearly too lazy to take this seriously.

Kyoraku: Hm. You’re kinda stern like Nanao, but not in any way as cute!


9. Kurotsuchi and Szayel

Szayel: Let’s toss out these instructions and use the ones I developed, which will create a PERFECT desk!

Kurotsuchi: Perfection is not the goal of a scientist.

Kurotsuchi: Let’s make a desk out of zombies just to see what happens.

Szayel: That’s disgusting. I love it.

Szayel: We will make the perfect zombie desk!

Kurotsuchi: I just can’t work with you.

10. Hisagi and Barragan

Barragan: I am the god of Hueco Mundo.

Barragan: Everything I touch turns to nothing.

Barragan: And I am way, way, way, way, way, way too good to be doing that.

Barragan: So have fun with my fracciones.

Ggio: Yo, if you mess this desk up, shinigami, which we are building in honor of His Majesty, I’ll KILL you!

Hisagi: Why must I always suffer

11. Soi Fon and Luppi

Luppi: Look at me build this desk with my eight arms! You can’t even catch up!

Luppi: I just wish I could build EIGHT desks rather than just ONE!

Soi Fon: You are doing literally everything wrong.

Luppi: LIES

12. Ikkaku and Nnoitra

Nnoitra: This desk is weak.

Nnoitra: You’re weak.

Nnoitra: I’m not doing this.

Ikkaku: Okay but consider this.

Ikkaku: Sake. Rock-paper-scissors. Loser has to do part of the desk. Winner gets to high ground to fight after loser has built part of the desk. Fight. Drink. Repeat.


Nnoitra: I think I just realized what love feels like.

Ikkaku: Yeah I have that effect on people.

This Was Suppose To Be Easy

Prompt: Ooh… I just want tythan struggling to assemble Ikea furniture Thanks for the prompt anon!!







Tyler sighed in relief.

“It just fell out of place.” Ethan blushed.

“Need a hammer or screwdriver?”

“Uhhh screwdriver.”

“You hold the piece in place, ok?”

“Yepppp! I can do that.”

Tyler laughed.

Soon they had finished putting together all the dining chairs.

“Now, how do we open this.” Ethan asked, looking at the upside down box that held the pieces for a dining table.

“We flip it over.”

“Do you not see the ‘HEAVY’ label on the box?!”

“It can’t be /that/ heavy.”

“Alright big boi, then you try flipping it over.”

“I will.” Tyler said before doing it with ease.

“Show off.” Ethan mumbled.

Tyler laughed.
“Do you have the box cutter?”

“Uh no. I’ll go get it.” Ethan scrambled to his feet.



Tyler grabbed Ethan by his legs and pulled him into his lap.

“I told you no running!” Tyler chuckled.

“No you said no running with a knife. I wasn’t.” Ethan grinned.

“Yes you were.” Tyler chuckled before tickling Ethan.



Ethan couldn’t reply, he was laughing too much.

~small time skip~

“I’m use to sets coming with extra screws. But extra table tops? That’s just weird.”

“Have you ever even put a table together before?”

“As a matter of fact I have.” Ethan grinned proudly.

“Then how do we put this together?”

“Uhhhmm… You put the flat piece here,“ Ethan started singing to the tune of Hokey Pokey.
“And the small piece here. You put this piece here, and you screw it all in.”

“That doesn’t go in there, Ethan.”


Tyler chuckled at him. “Good try though.”

“Did we order the wrong table?”

“I don’t think so… the label on the box is correct…”

“So we’re just being fucking dumb.”

“Honestly we probably are.”

“Should we google it?”

“What would you even search?” Tyler chuckled.

“I don’t know! What to do with too many tabletops?!”

Tyler fell back laughing.

“What?! You have a better idea??”

“Why don’t we check the website?”

Ethan ran to find his laptop.

“Oh fuck. We’re fuckin dumb.” Ethan sighed.

“What is it?” Tyler looked over Ethan’s shoulder.

“We bought a table with extending leafs.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me. We spent, how long trying to figure this out? A half an hour? Just for something as simple as this?!” Tyler let out a frustrated groan.

Ethan burst out in laughter.


“You’re yelling at a table!”

Tyler stared at him for a minute. Then he cracked a smile.

Then a chuckle.

Then a light laugh.

Then he was rolling on his back with laughter.

“Tyler. Tyler! You need to breathe! You can’t die on me now!! I need help with the table!!”

That just made Tyler laugh even harder.

~time skip~


Ethan burst into laughter.
“You’re holding it upside down, Tyler!”

Ethan was too busy laughing to realize that Tyler stood up.
Then suddenly Ethan was being held upside down by his ankles.


“Can you read it now?” Tyler grinned.

“Oh fuck off and put me down.” Ethan squirmed.

“Stop squirming or you’ll fall.”

“Yes let me fall to my death. The sweet release of death!”

“Why are you so over dramatic?”

“Because you love me.” Ethan grinned.

Tyler layed him down on his back and hovered over him. Ethan looked up at him. Tyler leaned down as Ethan leaned up.

“Hey! No fair! I was gonna kiss you!”

“Well too bad. I’m kissing you.” Tyler grinned before kissing him.

“Ok come on. We gotta finish this fucking table.”

“Sounds like a plan.”
Assembly Required

Cas: Dean!

Dean: Cas!

Cas: I got a ‘PORTANT QUESTION for you, Dean.

Dean: What is it, Cas?

Cas: It’s for the NEXT STEP of our R’LATIONSHIP, Dean.

Dean: Yes, Cas?

Cas: Dean, will you-

Dean: Yes, Cas?

Cas: ASSEMBLE some IKEA FURNITURE with me, Dean????

Dean: Whoa!

Sam: Oooo, hopin’ this ends in SMOOCHIN’!!!

listen….… . i love angst and sexual sheriaty (hell that’s all i write) but i live for awkward/silly/not fluffy domestic sheriarty. 

jim and sherlock trying to assemble ikea furniture, jim and sherlock cooking togethet and making a mess, jim and sherlock and a super competitive just dance match, jim and sherlock arguing over the thermostat settings and pretty much everything


A little fan comic I drew for figmentforms​ Zelgan comic, A Tale of Two Rulers! It’s a super excellent comic with beautiful art! You all should give it a read!

This comic was inspired by my own father, who does very “dad” things all the time. The idea of Ganondorf of doing stereotypical dad thing amuses me. I imagine him and Zelda to be a type of couple that argues over how to assemble IKEA furniture.


imagine jack kissing crutchie goodnight

imagine davey singing in the shower

imagine jack and crutchie spooning to keep warm

imagine les being the ring bearer at katherine and jack’s wedding

imagine jack giving les horse back rides around new york

imagine davey trying to play baseball with the newsies

imagine les playing baseball with the newsies and all of the boys pretend that he hits a home run everytime

imagine jack kelly getting a cold and bundling up in sweaters

imagine crutchie having to bring jack a towel because he forgot to grab one before getting in the shower

imagine crutchie resting his head on jack’s lap and dozing off while jack reads to him

imagine jack and crutchie trying to assemble ikea furnature

imagine jack coming back home late with a lost puppy

Who spent the whole morning assembling IKEA furniture? Who also spent the whole morning coming up with ‘Starks- and Theon -assembling IKEA furniture’ headcanons? Yuh, me.

But, like, picture it:

  • Robb insisting they all lay everything out and follow the directions because that’s how you’re supposed to do it, guys. He gets very frustrated because they all immediately don’t listen and start doing their own thing. Robb is also nearly always susceptible to someone dropping something on his feet (Theon).
  • Theon just fucking going for it because he’s a genius and totally knows what he’s doing…then he has to back track a hundred and four times because where the hell is this screw supposed to go? Oh, and he will still refuse to look at the instructions (just to piss off Robb). Jon and he fight over nearly every little thing until Robb has them separated to opposite parts of the room like children. Theon makes faces the whole time which Bran and Rickon try (and fail) not to laugh about. Usually he gets a disapproving look from Arya and there is a fifty-fifty chance Robb and Sansa smile or frown. (As long as one of them smiles, he considers it a job well done).
  • Jon tries to let Robb be the leader but ends up being in charge…but like, in a very passive way that almost always ends up with him frustrated because no one will listen to him unless he is direct and forward. (Maybe we should put the hinges on the chest before connecting it to the lid? What if we level it now to make sure it isn’t lopsided? Is there a reason we are putting the legs on now? Shouldn’t we wait? Guys? Can you even fucking hear me? Goddamnit.)
  • Sansa brings out the old rugs and towels to lay the parts on so they don’t get scuffs on it (if it were up to the rest of them, all the white panels would have scratches and dents in it before whatever it is was fully assembled). She’s in charge of the tools and parts because last time she wasn’t Rickon “lost” half of them and they had to call the manufacturer for more. She also has the first aid kit readily accessible because someone (Arya) always getting a little cuts on their fingers and one time a sprained finger.
  • Arya steals half the tools from Sansa almost immediately because she’s going to do it all by herself Jon, I don’t need your help and get the damn instructions away from me, Robb, before I hit both of you with this hammer. I’m not kidding.
  • Bran doesn’t use the instructions either but somehow is also 100% accurate with his guesses. Also, he’s the only one who was able to put the double shelved closet a together in under an hour- something Robb and his instructions and Arya and her guessing can never do. Rickon retaliates Bran’s success by dumping clumps of dust and wood chips into his hair. He’s the only one that tries to help Jon direct the others.
  • Rickon is supposed to just help out by holding things in place and putting the screws in the holes (they don’t trust him after they helped Sansa assemble her furniture for the apartment and they somehow ended up with six lopsided drawers even though there were only supposed to be four). However, if the rest of the siblings forget to include him (too many people working on one desk tends to do that), he starts messing with them: hiding the screw drivers, giving different instructions to Robb when he isn’t looking, purposefully giving the wrong screws over, saying it looks off balanced when it isn’t just so Jon stressed and re-measures. Occasionally (60% of the time), Arya joins him because it is much more fun than arguing with Bran over the assembly of the coffee table.
  • It gets done in the end, but what would have been a three hour assembling job turns into two days, six mental break downs (mostly Robb), screams of frustration (solely Arya and Theon), two injuries (usually to Jon trying to prevent someone else from being hurt and then probably Theon for just fucking going at it without thinking), ten breaks (something has gone missing), someone always storms off angry (Sansa) and the dogs getting in the way until Rickon herds them off.
  • Arya and Theon tend to use the most cuss words when assembling the furniture and switch off at screaming at the pieces into submission (it never works). Robb and Jon exchange huffs of exasperation while Bran and Sansa tut in dismay. Rickon is far to amused because this is fun! Why is everyone red in the face? Will it kill you to crack a smile for once?
  • It used to be a family thing with Ned and Cat also trying to help but then they saw the mess their children where and figure that their mental health was far more important than the assembly of the sweet yellow arm chair.

Sorry for the ramble- this came out of no where. Time for a nap.


[[ I love how Swe(dens) response to Trumps fake attack is just trolling him and saying ‘let us educate you for future reference’. lol

Other Swedes mocked Trump by posting pictures of reindeer, meatballs and people assembling IKEA furniture.

“#lastnightinsweden my son dropped his hotdog in the campfire. So sad!” Twitter user Adam Bergsveen wrote.

Amazing. lol ]]

Imagine Jane and Thor decide to share an apartment; Thor volunteers a reluctant Loki to help with the move. 

On move in day, all their belongings arrive at the new place, including the new furniture from Ikea.  Thor didn’t realize that the furniture didn’t come assembled, but says “How hard could it be?“  From flying in the Dark Elves ship, Loki already knows this won’t go well.  He volunteers to paint the living room instead.

For the next hour he hears groans and grunts coming from the room where Thor is assembling furniture.  When that turns into shouting and tool throwing, Jane runs to investigate.  The ground is littered in bolts and metal brackets which Thor couldn’t make fit.  He and Jane discuss hiring someone to build the furniture for them.  As they go back to the bedroom, Loki is sliding the last drawer into the second nightstand while sitting on the finished bed frame.  He grins as Thor’s jaw drops.

"I read the instructions.  You should try it sometime.”

“Why has it got bees on it?”

“Because it’s for silly consulting detectives who manage to mutilate themselves whilst assembling IKEA furniture. Seriously, Sherlock, why on earth did you even use a saw on that shelf? It’s flat-pack furniture. Everything you need is in the bloody pack. One could assemble it with the screwdriver of a Swiss Army knife.”

“I used a Swiss Army knife.”

“Yeah, and sawed off half your hand and then managed to hit your head on the half-finished shelf. Well done.”

“I was going to improve the design. To make it suitable for our bicycles.”

“Excellent. Did the idea cross your mind that cycling with one hand only is rather out of the question?”

“I didn’t mean to injure myself. The saw slipped. Moreover, the instructions in the manual were completely useless.”

“They’re written so that everybody can understand and follow them. Guess in your brilliance you overthought them. Anyway, this goes on the blog. ‘The Great Shelf-Massacre of 221C’, that’s what I’m going to call it.”

“No, why? To once again remind people that I’m human?”

“Yes, exactly. And because you look cute with that bee band aid on your head.”

Day 15: DIY Project of the 31 Day Domestic OTP Sketch Challenge devised by kowabungadoodles. ‘The Great Shelf Massacre of 221C’ is mentioned in chapter 4 of my fanfic Over Earth and Under Earth.

  1. Milkshake drinking competition
  2. Aggressively feeding ducks
  3. Massage
  4. Secretly shopping for the other
  5. Buying a Pet
  6. New Pet regrets
  7. Sudden rainstorm
  8. Watching terrible television
  9. Sleepy kissing
  10. Starbucks AU
  11. Fighting over fridge space
  12. Sharing a shower
  13. Sexy day dreams
  14. Unfortunate public boner
  15. DIY project
  16. Tickle fight
  17. Spontaneous Musical
  18. Costume party
  19. Walking home drunk
  20. Sex interrupted by phone
  21. Trying a new sport.
  22. Home cooking!
  23. Fell in a river
  24. Minor Phobias
  26. Magical AU
  27. Can’t sleep
  28. Night time confessions
  29. Getting lost
  30. Awkward dinner party
  31. Holiday (vacation)!