I wish people would educate themselves before opening their big mouths.
No, I cannot turn my anxiety on and off. I can’t calm down. I can’t “get over it”. There are days when I can barely lift myself out of bed, and there are weeks and nights where it gets so bad that I can’t get to sleep until I can see daylight hitting. I can’t stop the worrying and I’m sorry that you think what I worry about is stupid. I can’t stop the crazy thoughts. I can’t help it that I’m scared to walk at night or look out the window. I can’t help it that I think that person looked at me wrong and it set my mind off. I can’t help it that I can’t look you in the eyes or I feel claustrophobic in public. I could go on for days about that one but we’ll leave it at that.
As for the other things I have to deal with: I can’t help it that I have to lock the door 4 times before I go to bed, I can’t help the specific way I have to do things, and I can’t help the random bursts of sadness and then happiness and then sadness and then happiness.
There’s so much more I could say.
If any of these things makes you feel less about me then that’s okay. I’ve learnt to cope over the years.
I just wish that people would think before they speak and realize that the world isn’t all fucking roses. I’m so happy I have Adrian and the friends that I do, who understand. And my beautiful children who have made this all so much more doable. They are my reasons, my better halves <3