Shirabu, Sugawara, Oikawa, Kenma, Nishinoya and Akaashi recreate the Cell Block Tango.
Yooooooo!!!! I love Chicago and I was SO excited to write this when I got it last night but I decided to wait until this morning when I was sober. Hope it turned out okay!
“Daichi pissed me off so
bad last night!” Sugawara slammed his drink down on the table and sat
next to Nishinoya.
scowled, “Don’t even get me started on annoying boyfriends!”
“You’re mad too?”
“I’m mad too,” Kenma muttered, snapping his 3DS shut.
“Even Kenma?” Sugawara gasped.
“I, too, am a little put out,” Akaashi lifted his hand.
They turned to Shirabu. He scrunched his nose and crossed
his arms over his chest.
“I’m always mad!”
“Good point,” Sugawara glanced at Nishinoya, “What about
you? Angry at your beau?”
Nishinoya smiled wide, “I love Asahi-san!”
Oikawa clicked his tongue, “Of course you do. Asa-chan never
does anything wrong. Beautiful bastard.”
Sugawara hummed and stared around the table at the angry- and not so angry- men. He counted them slowly and then let out a loud gasp.
“What is it, Sugawara-san?” Akaashi took a sip of his French
Sugawara thrust to his feet, “We have enough people to sing
the Cell Block Tango from Chicago!”
Kenma and Shirabu groaned.
“I’m listening,” Oikawa leaned forward.
Sugawara turned towards the counter across the bar. Asahi was
standing beside Daichi behind it as he made a cocktail. Miya, Iwaizumi, Kuroo, and
Bokuto were all also present, sitting on stools and talking over their drinks.
“Think about it,” Sugawara leaned his hands on the table. “You’re
all pissed, right? Except Noya.”
“I love Asahi-san!”
“What better way to express our fury than with a clever
musical number?” Sugawara finished brightly.
“Let’s do it!” Nishinoya cheered.
“I’m in!” Oikawa stood and stretched his arms over his head.
“I will also do it,” Akaashi finished off his drink.
Sugawara turned to the others, “Well?”
Shirabu drummed his fingers on the table for a moment before
letting out a sigh. “Fine.”
Kenma let out a long groan as everyone else faced him
“We need you, Kenma,” Sugawara pressed his hands together
and batted his eyelashes.
Akaashi cocked his head to the side, “I’ll bet it will be
really funny to see Kuroo-san’s reaction to you being so angry at him that you
actually participate in a musical number with the rest of us.”
Kenma’s eyebrow ticked with interest.
“It’ll be so funny,” Sugawara agreed hurriedly. “I’ll bet he
“Whatever it is that pissed you off, he’ll probably never do
it again, he’ll be so scared that you’ll leave him,” Oikawa nodded.
Kenma held out for another few seconds before releasing a
tremendous sigh and standing.
“Whatever. It sounds entertaining, so I’ll do it.”
Sugawara and Nishinoya slapped hands and then the entire
group made their way over to the karaoke stage. They decided on the order and
then Sugawara went up to the counter.
“Daichi, I need your extra microphones!” he snapped.
Daichi eyed him warily, “Why?”
“We’re all singing together! Why else, you fuckin’ bastard?”
Sugawara crossed his arms over his chest and glared.
Daichi sighed, “C’mon. You’re not still mad about last
night, are you?”
He scowled and reached under the counter for a box. He set
it down on the counter and Sugawara snatched it, giving him another firm scowl,
before turning and rushing back to the stage. He passed out the microphones and
everyone stood together. The group at the counter turned to watch them,
suspicion in their eyes.
“Hit it!” Sugawara pointed to Oikawa, who started the song.
A minimalist beat echoed through the bar. After a few
seconds, Kenma lifted his microphone to his lips and said in a dull voice,
Nishinoya hopped, grinning wide.
Shirabu finished, nose twitching.
A voice spoke over the speakers as they repeated their words
one after another,
“And now, the six
merry murderesses of the Cook County Jail in their rendition of the Cell Block
At the counter, Sugawara watched Daichi mouth, “Oh my god,” and pour himself a shot.
The music rose and they continued to repeat their words.
The music swelled and they all sang together,
“He had it comin’.
He had it comin’.
He only had himself to
If you’d have been
If you’d have seen it!”
Sugawara broke off of the others and belted, “I betcha you would have done the same!”
“Off, smile, kiss,
nuh-uh, tomorrow, background.
Off, smile, kiss,
nuh-uh, tomorrow, background.”
The others stepped back as Kenma took center stage, holding
his microphone and letting out a sigh. He lifted it to his lips and spoke in a
“So I was just sitting at home, minding my own fuckin’
business. Playing Xbox. I was in the middle of an important boss battle with
one of the hardest enemies in the game. And Kuroo walks in.”
“He decides that he deserves all of my attention at that
exact moment and starts talking to me. I try to tell him to leave me alone because
he’s distracting, and he gets butthurt. He walks up to the Xbox and holds his
hand over the off button.”
Kenma’s brows lowered over his eyes.
“I told him not to do it. But he did.”
He flipped his hair and said nonchalantly, “So I took the
shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots… into his head.”
The rest of the group chimed in,
“He had it comin’.
He had it comin’.
He only had himself to
If you’d have been
If you’d have heard
I betcha you would
have done the same!”
Kenma stepped back, giving Kuroo one more glare. A clear
sheen of sweat covered Kuroo’s forehead and he quickly wiped it away, eyes
Oikawa walked to the front of the stage and Iwaizumi’s voice
“Here we go.”
“I met Iwa-chan sixteen years ago,” Oikawa started sweetly. “We
started dating our third year of high school and I was convinced he was the
best boyfriend anyone could ever have. We went to college together and started working
together and I was really happy.” He cocked an eyebrow, “Except for one little
thing. Iwa-chan has a deadly smile. And he has no problem with flashing that
smile to any slut that walks into my office. I could only take so much of his
unfaithful flirting. So, one night, when he came home late from the office, I fixed him up a drink.” He lifted his chin
and propped a hand on his hip, finishing with, “You know, some guys just can’t hold their arsenic.”
“He had it comin’!
He had it comin’!
He took a flower in
And then he used it,
And he abused it!
It was a murder, but
not a crime!”
Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and lifted his beer to his lips.
Akaashi stepped up next and Bokuto clasped his hands in his
lap, eyes wide with fear, bottom lip worried between his teeth.
“Me and Bokuto-san had a date last night,” Akaashi started
simply. “He walked me home and I invited him inside but instead, he gave me a
kiss and left.” He stared at Bokuto, “Please have sex with me, Bokuto-san. I
don’t…” he glanced at Sugawara. “I don’t really have anything else to say. I
just really want the dick. No… I need the dick. Please have sex with me,
Bokuto-san. Ahh… oh. And if you don’t, you’re going to run into my knife.” He nodded,
“You’re going to run into my knife ten times.”
The music rolled for a few seconds and then everyone sang,
“If you’d have been
If you’d have seen it!
I betcha you would
have done the same!”
The music softened and Nishinoya bounded across the stage.
“I love Asahi-san!” he said brightly. “I don’t have a single
complaint about Asahi-san! He makes me yummy food all the time and he’s
handsome and manly and he has great hair!”
Asahi’s cheeks reddened and he scratched his cheek shyly.
“Oh! And he has a nice ass and a great voice and we’re super
compatible in bed!”
interrupted. “Why haven’t you told us the dirty details of that?”
Nishinoya ignored him and finished, “I want to be with
Asahi-san every day of my life because I love him so much!”
“So would you kill him?” Oikawa asked dully.
“Nuh-uh! I love Asahi-san!”
He winked and stepped back.
Sugawara stomped up to the front of the stage and glared at
“So me and Daichi had this big night planned last night. It
was going to be super romantic and we were going to end it with some hardcore,
hot, gay sex.”
“Oh my god,”
Daichi pressed a hand to his eyes.
“I had it all thought out. We were gonna start with boring
missionary and then get into some better stuff,” Sugawara lifted his hand and
counted on his fingers, “Doggy-style, standing up, cowboy, reverse cowboy, in
the shower, in the living room, on the roof… right after the other.”
Daichi lowered his hand and poured himself another shot.
“So, after dinner, Daichi made us a couple of drinks and we
were having a good time. Laughing, teasing, telling naughty jokes… well I was, at least,” he shrugged, walking
slowly across the stage. “So it gets around time for us to start fuckin’ and I
run off to the bathroom to put on this sexy outfit I bought a few days ago and then I come back, open the door…” He huffed, “And there’s Daichi and Pochi,
lying in bed. Asleep.” He pressed a
hand to his forehead, “Tomorrow, he
said to me when I tried to wake him. I blacked out then and I don’t remember a
thing,” he held a hand out in Daichi direction, nose twitching in annoyance. “It
wasn’t until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands that I even knew
they were dead.”
The music screamed and Sugawara waltzed across the stage,
singing with a growl in his voice, “They
had it comin’!”
The others repeated it after him as he went on,
“They had it comin’!
They had it comin’ all
I didn’t do it.
But if I done it,
How could you tell me
that I was wrong?”
They repeated the verse, Sugawara and Oikawa competing for
attention as they danced around each other, trying to hold the grins from their
Finally, Shirabu took the spotlight and Miya straightened, a
slow grin spreading across his lips.
Shirabu sighed and began, “I love painting more than I can
possibly say. Miya is also a pretty artistic guy. Though he can only do portraits.”
Sugawara snorted and turned away.
“We struck up a bargain to help each other out with things
that we weren’t that good at,” Shirabu pointedly stared across the bar, corner
of his lips twitching. “We would meet up every once in a while and draw and
paint together. Then one day, the bastard actually tells me that my background
is lacking. Mine.” He glared at Miya,
“I guess you could say that we broke up because of artistic differences. He saw
himself as alive. And I saw him dead.”
“The dirty bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum!
The dirty bum, bum,
bum, bum, bum!”
Sugawara jumped off of the stage and onto the counter,
followed by Oikawa, Nishinoya, and Akaashi. They strutted across the counter as
they sang the chorus. Kenma set his microphone into the box and stepped off of
the stage, hands in the pocket of his hoodie. Kuroo jumped off of his stool and
chased him across the bar. Shirabu looked around unsurely, watching the
theatrical group fuss on the counter, singing loudly. Eventually, he set his
microphone aside and climbed off of the stage as well.
The song faded out after a while and Nishinoya leapt into
Asahi’s arms with a gleeful holler. Iwaizumi grabbed Oikawa by the ankle and
dragged him down from the counter and into his lap, messing up his hair and
thrusting his beer into his hands. Oikawa drank from it and then leaned away,
laughing, as Iwaizumi started nibbling at his throat.
“Bokuto-san, please have sex with me,” Akaashi asked one more
Bokuto flushed, “’Kaashi… not now…”
Miya hopped off of his stool and met Shirabu in the center
of the bar, throwing an arm around his shoulders and nuzzling his hair.
Sugawara glared down at Daichi and Daichi returned the
“What have you got to say for yourself, Bastard?” he asked,
crossing his arms over his chest.
“Did you just threaten to kill my dog because I didn’t have
sex with you last night?”
Sugawara hesitated and then flapped his hand, “Never mind
the small details.”
Daichi narrowed his eyes and Sugawara sat on the counter in
front of him, grabbing him by the tie and pulling him forward. He kissed him
gently on the corner of the mouth and then murmured,
Warning: Omegaverse, blood, uncomfortable sexual situations
Notes: For this anon —> [X] who wanted me to write a fic where Noya gets jumped on while he is on his heat. Sorry this took so long, and I hope we both have the same definition for the word ‘jumped’. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and this is what you wanted!!!
“You’re a pretty chill guy, man.” Bokuto says, hanging backwards off the edge of Kuroo’s futon, words slurred as the result of intoxication and general sleep deprivation. Kuroo contemplates pulling on the hem of Bokuto’s shirt to reel him back into a proper sitting position as the other begins to slowly slide backwards towards the hard floor of his dorm, but only until he realizes it’ll be more amusing not to.
“Of course I am.” Kuroo replies, taking another swig from his beer can, previously smug lips curling into an annoyed frown as he tries to remember when he had opened it, and why it’s already empty.