ifjanetranit

Milestone

The Tumblr system never sends me those cute little notes that say, “Congratulations. Your blog had a birthday,” or “Congratulations on your 1,000th post." 

Nope. I have to track my own milestones. So, I present the following one to you.

Yep. I just liked my 100,000th post. That’s a lot of reading in my 2+ years on Tumblr and a lot of clicking on that little heart symbol. 

And, which post was number 100,000? Appropriately enough, it was one from last Sunday (yes, I’m always behind on my dash - move past this issue) by IfJanetRanIt in which she pointed out that PBS was founded on November 3, 1969.

It sort of tickled me that IfJanetRanIt was my 100,000th like because I’ll never forget how I started following her blog. She sent me a fanmail in which she said that she was old enough to remember ElectraWoman, DynaGirl, Wonder Bug, and Dr. Shrinker. But, I think the clincher was her closing.

I promise my posts won’t suck. Maybe.

Hey. How can you not follow somebody when they close their note with that?

And, isn’t it appropriate that PBS would be involved in my 100,000th like? I mean - PBS: Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers, Electric Company. Who doesn’t like PBS? 

It’s taken about 2 years and some change to like 100,000 posts and I’m still going strong. I look forward to liking my next 100,000 posts. While it’s fun to write and post stuff on Tumblr, it’s really more fun to read, like, and comment on all the stuff that comes across my dash. Even if I am a little slow at it. 

ifjanetranit  asked:

When we start our parenting/pop culture/80' nostalgia/half-assed healthy living/technology/relationship/public transportation review/comedy podcast what should we call it? More importantly, who should our first guest be? I'm thinking Vanilla Ice. He's a dad and a vegetarian.

OMG guurrl, I can’t believe that you let the cat out of the bag!!! OK, it’s true: my fake high school BFF Janet and I are working on an awesome new podcast!!! We’re gonna chat about shizz like growing up with Ferris Bueller and Molly Ringwald and stuff, but we’ll also spin some awesome tunes by Haircut 100 and Crowded House!!! We’ll also rate the best and worst public transit systems in North America. Plus, review some tech and bake gluten-free cookies.

I was thinking we’d call that shizz Totally!!! Guurrl Talk!!! But I’m open to suggestions, obvs.

Since you already have the connection with Vanilla Ice, I say he should be our inaugural guest!!! Also on my wish list:

  • Cyndi Lauper cuz guurrl is fierce.
  • Madonna cuz guurrl is fierce.
  • Boy George cuz guurl is fierce.
  • George Michael cuz guurrl is fierce.
  • And Ron Reagan Jr. Cuz guurrl is fierce.

It’s gonna be the best podcast 5evah, amirite!?!

10

Day 5ish…rain day but we needed to be out of the sun anyway. Lunch at the golf place, a little shopping, afternoon nap, conference call I couldn’t get out of, cocktails and appetizers at my mom and stepdad’s and then over to the club for a late light dinner in the little takeout cafe on the veranda. All in all, a very good day. Please note the Spanish moss on the ancient oaks ❤❤❤, my cute orange and blue sundress that I can’t seem to get a good picture of, and of course, the Glory poster behind my son and stepdad in the cafe.

We may not be AS tight as ifjanetranit and Vanilla Ice, but I did meet Matthew Broderick on the set of Glory as a giggly teenage girl. The PA got sick of us nearly killing ourselves to sneak on the set so he started just bringing us in. In our only conversation, Matthew bemoaned being called “portly” in a tabloid. I tried to reassure him that the writer probably meant more regal than pudgy, because what do tabloid writers know?

He probably still thinks of me and my reassuring words 😉

Nondisclosure Agreements

They are such a pain. When a certain, fake real music TV station calls you about appearing in its Behinds in Music series, NDAs prevent you from telling your story about that summer in college you spent touring German gay bars as part of an Air Supply cover band with thedaddycomplex and a Nena cover band formed by ifjanetranit and lazydad. With a little white foundation and a perm, it’s amazing how much lazydad looks like a West German white woman.

But, alas, unless I receive permission from thedaddycomplex and ifjanetranit’s husband, Scotch, the name he went by that summer for reasons I can’t disclose, this tale of intrigue will have to remain locked away in the fake reality story vault.

Vanilla Ice, Open Doors, & Power Brokers

So, there I am walking down Market St. in San Francisco minding my own beeswax (because if I don’t mind it who will) when a wild fracas breaks out.

Turns out some dude from Sumner, WA didn’t get the message that public nudity is now banned in San Francisco. (It was legal until recently, but not anymore.) So the dude’s wife is like totally begging the police not to arrest her husband.

I’m watching this scene thinking, “That lady & her hubby (now wearing an SFPD blanket) look familiar,” when the lady starts yelling, “Look. I know people. I know Vanilla Ice.”

The cop says, “Prove it.” And the lady grabs her cell phone, dials a number, and says, “Ice, it’s me, Janet.” And that’s when it hit me, “Oh my gosh! It’s ifjanetranit and her husband, Scott!”

Within five minutes, Ice shows up & the two of them bust out a cover of, “Love Is An Open Door”. The police were so impressed, they decided to let Scott go.

Did I mention their son, Finn, was with them? Well, he was for awhile. When the police got called, Finn was all like, “Look, parental peeps, I’m a budding social media mogul so I can’t be caught up in yo’ scandals. I’ve been invited to meet with an up and coming social media company. They need my advice on market capitalization strategies and website development so I’m gonna bounce.” And off he went.

Ice got busy signing autographs so Janet, her hubby, and I spent some time talking. Ok. I actually spent the time talking or rambling, really, because I was fangirling over meeting Janet. She, her husband, and her media mogul son were all delightful and never once complained that I wouldn’t shut up. If you’re not following ifjanetranit you should and if you ever have the chance to meet her, jump on that opportunity like her husband did that light pole.

Disclaimer: Some portions of this meet up story may been fabricated but what’s a fab meetup without some fabrication! But the part about her & her family being awesome is the total truth with a capital “T”!

After lunch, designing daddy texted me and generously offered to host a playdate with the boy and Eddie K (thanks designing daddy!), so I dropped off the boy at the Designing-Business Chateau and went to Costco to pickup a few provisions. Apparently everypony in Uppityville and its surrounding vicinity decided that today was the day to go to Costco because traffic was a hot mess and Costco was a cluster fudge of peeps.

Usually, shopping with the boy and busy daddy is kind of a drag because neither of them particularly enjoy shopping (as if I do), but since it was just me, I tried not to be too tense among the hoards of Costco shoppers.

I found a ginormous box of Newman’s Special Blend k-cups, a bargain at $37.99 for 80 pods! After I bought my already-outdated Keurig, someponies suggested that Newman’s Special Blend k-cups don’t taste like ka-ka-doody water. I hope they’re right!

After an hour of trying to navigate through the super-congested aisles, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed, so I grabbed a bag of onions, a carton of tomatoes, and a box of granola, and made my way to check out. In the center aisles, there are rows and rows of hi-fashion clothing at bargain prices, many of the items marked at less than 20 bucks! Surprisingly, the clothing section was uncrowded.

Since I’m determined to spend no more than $20 on any single article of clothing in 2013, I perused the hi-fashion wares on display, but in the back of my mind, I thought to myself, I will never hear the end of it from my Tumblr buddy ifjanetranit if I bought clothes from Costco.

Because Janet would be all, “Um, what are you wearing, lazy dad?” And I’d be all, It’s a very haute couture menswear brand that you’ve probably never heard of. It’s called Kirkland. And Janet would be all, “You know that Kirkland also makes chocolate-covered raisins and trash bags, right?” Then I’d be all, And what’s your point? And Janet would be all, “I think you have some chocolate-covered raisins on your Kirkland plaid shirt.”

Why does Janet have to be so mean!?! Jeez Louise!!!

BTW, I did buy a pair of plaid, polyester-blend golf shorts, designed by menswear visionary Jack Nicklaus. Only 14 bucks! I’m going to wear them “ironically” this summer. Stop looking at me!!!

mywildloves replied to your post:Boys and Cars

Not that this is necessarily your point, but Dylans favorite thing in the whole world is cars and trucks with absolutely no nudging or directing by us whatsoever. Personally, Ive marvelled at that, but chalked it up to coincidence.

No, this is exactly on point, especially when you think about it in the context of my own experience with myself & the Minky and these other responses (below).  Our own experiences are all really varied, and I would venture to guess that especially with less rigid gender norms that trend would only increase.  Some kids are going to play in gender typical ways  no matter what their socialization looks like.  Some are not.  Both should be seen as totally great - kids should be encouraged to play in ways that engage and stimulate them!  But the point is that the generalizations about gendered play are pretty unnecessary at best and potentially harmful at worst.  

sorenjames replied to your post:Boys and Cars

My mother tried very, very hard to socialize me as a girl. I think once I started taking my Barbie dolls apart to swap their heads with the Ken dolls she sort of gave up.

ifjanetranit replied to your post: Boys and Cars

My son never gave two shits about cars or sports (despite parents who LOVE sports). Go figure.

high-end-low-life replied to your post:Boys and Cars

Same here! I always correct people. Gavin LOVES trucks more than anything (but has been exposed to all kinds of age-appropriate toys) but he doesn’t love them “because hes a boy”

2

I have been fortunate enough to get several new followers recently, so I thought I would do a little blog recap. I hope this answers any burning questions.

Who is Janet?

I was born in between the moon landing and Woodstock, which makes me one billion in Tumblr years. Remember this when you steal my identity, because you’re gonna get inundated with AARP and life insurance crap in the mail. 

I am the youngest of four children (my siblings are 6-10 years my senior), and even though I grew up loving the 80’s, I ate most of my cereal and watched most of my Saturday morning cartoons in the 70’s.

I spent most of my toddler years hanging out with my mom and her friends, and by the time I went to kindergarten I thought I was a worldly thirty-something year old woman who could hold adult conversations about relationships, jello molds, and Soul Train. I could also sum up your personality by the brand of cigarettes you smoked. So it was somewhat of a surprise to me to find out kindergarten was filled with kids my age who didn’t watch Mike Douglas and All My Children. But I managed to make many friends and, in fact, I still regularly chat and hang out with several of the kids who were in my kindergarten class. Weird, huh?  

I live in a small town about 45 minutes south of Seattle. I was born and raised here, moved away for college and my first big job, and moved back when I had my first (and only) baby. No regrets. I am a manager in the federal government, but I don’t talk about that much or I’d have to kill you. Plus it’s all sorts of boring. I commute to Seattle every week day, so you’ll occasionally see pictures of the Puget Sound or the Seattle city skyline in my blog.

Is this, like, a parenting blog or what?

I have been married for over 23 years to Scott, my college sweetheart. We have one son, Finn, who just turned 14. I occasionally write about having a teenager, but there is only so much information you can reveal about a 14 year old before he hacks your computer.

I blog to keep track of things my family has done, and blogging is way easier than scrap-booking.  I post pictures from Scott’s photography business, write the occasional dumb book review, tell you about the kooky people on my train commutes, or get all nostalgic about the 80’s. I also like to talk about my friends, many of whom I have known for most of my life. Small town type stuff.

I started this blog to amuse myself and the people in my life, so my blog is not anonymous. But I have been pleasantly surprised that perfect strangers have enjoyed it. I have met some really wonderful people on Tumblr. I am deeply appreciative of the kind words of I have heard from everyone. 

What’s the deal with Vanilla Ice?

Every good blog needs a running joke, so Vanilla Ice is mine. Cuz I've met him, you know. 

For me and DynaPapa it was a Peanut Buster Parfait from Dairy Queen.

In my 20s, I went on a lot of first dates that never materialized into a second date. Too many frogs, way too many kisses, and far too few princes pretty much summed by dating life at the time.

Thus, I learned to insist that any first date be limited to a dessert-only affair. This served two purposes. First, if the person wasn’t into dessert or thought something like fruit and cheese or anything sugar-free constituted dessert then I knew it would never work out. Second, if the date never led to anything more, then, at least, I got dessert out of the time waster.

But, if the person was all about ice cream, gooey hot fudge, and peanuts then I knew I had a keeper. And, as it turns out, I was right.

3

Early this morning, I was scrolling through my dash, minding my own beeswax, when I spied a pic of my fake high school BFF Janet, which she claimed was allegedly from a test shoot for somethin’ or other. But a couple of days ago when I was texting her asking if she wanted to have a jam session with me on Skype this weekend, she was super-vague and stuff, and she was all, “Oh, um, I’m super-busy this weekend and stuff, so I’ll need to take a rain check?”

One thing you should know about Janet, aside from her addiction to Red Bull, is that she is a terrible liar. The second thing you should know about Janet is that she works as a government busy business lady.

Suspicious of Janet’s true whereabouts this weekend, I checked the official NASA website, and behind the top-secret security login, there’s a section of current top-secret, super-confidential NASA projects, including a project codenamed IfJanetLivedontheMoon. That’s where I found these totes incriminating pieces of evidence.

Janet, guurrl, I know you want Tumblr peeps to think that you’re all innocent and stuff, and that your claims to fame are meeting Vanilla Ice and getting into Twitter wars with Richard Marx, but I’m on to you and your super-secret space travel plans.

Text me later? You know, when you’re back on earth and stuff?

While the boy had a playdate with Eddie K this afternoon, busy daddy and I went to Costco to buy some haute couture menswear fashions Keurig k-cups and paper towels. As we were waiting in the checkout line, I spied some handsome plaid shirts for sale.

I considered for a hot minute to buy a few, but then I heard my Tumblr buddy Janet in my head saying, “Dude, you know that Kirkland also makes chocolate-covered raisins and trash bags, right?” And then I was all, But damn it, Janet, the shirts are, like, a whole dollar cheaper than they were last time.

And then Janet was all, “The operative word in that sentence is cheap.” And I was all, Don’t be jealous of my boogie. And Janet was all, “Guurrl…” And I was all, What? And Janet was all, “I just wanted to use guurrl in a sentence.” And I was all, Huh?

I didn’t end up buying any shirts. Sad face. Tumblr friends can be so judge-y sometimes!

This. This lady, ifjanetranit. She’s doing the parenting thing right. She’s taught her son well.

There simply aren’t enough LGBTQ folks in this country to bring about real, meaningful change. We must have the support of allies.

The importance of her son accepting, embracing, and encouraging diversity can not be overstated. I’m not sure straight kids like him will ever understand how much it means to an old gay man’s heart to see people without a dog in the fight stand up for us, our families, and our right to equality.

He’ll make a change in the world and he’ll raise children who’ll make a change. Allies are the key to ending discrimination.

Favorite childhood candy?

This question came from ifjanetranit, who you should be following if you aren’t already.

On the way to visit my father’s Aunt Dot and Uncle Milt, my parents used to take us to Hebert’s Candy Mansion in Shrewsbury, Massachusetts to get chocolate lollipops.

I’d always get white chocolate, and I don’t think I’ve liked any other kind of white chocolate since.

I heard the mansion closed a few years ago, but Wikipedia seems to think it’s still around. I’ll have to look into that.

FedEx opens up so many food opportunities.

My dad used to always get Twizzlers for us at the movies, so I still love those as well. It’s so delightful when you find a soft, fresh package. So much strawberry flavor. And they’re a good counterpoint to popcorn.

Thanks for the question, Janet!

Paula: the aftermath

You guys were super helpful, thank you.  I wanted to go with @ifjanetranit’s awesome suggestion about Poundstone’s stance on AA and recovery/treatment, and what she might suggest as viable alternatives but was told that was too heavy for what they were trying to do.  Which, I get it. I was supposed to be asking for advice.  So my friend and I bounced some ideas back and forth and I ended up going with “the whole notion of work-life balance makes me vomit in my mouth because it’s never, ever going to actually balance, you have three kids, I have three kids, how do we make this work without therapy for all?”

Which we actually didn’t spend much time talking about. She asked what I did and then talked about how boring engineers are for a while, which made my media-training-omg-this-is-your-job-defend-your-people alarms go off, and I just told her the problem was that infrastructure, while necessary for life as we know it, isn’t sexy.  We moved on.  She told me not to worry about putting my kids in therapy because therapy’s useless anyway, and all will be solved with plenty of sleep and lots of water.  

Which is probably true, at least the latter half.  

P.S. Work/life balance BS is all Oprah’s fault, and what the hell does she know anyway?  (That, I wholeheartedly agree with.)

Ten minutes, hope it helped my friend, not sure the advice format suits Paula’s personality but that’s why they have test audiences and Garrison Keillor to decide, right? Right.