ifiwasagoodman

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I’ve been having in a stressful place in my life right now that its begun to actually effect my health. I’ll be getting help soon, But until I get into the hospital to get the help I need. I’m taking the next few days easy, and let myself relax.

Decided to allow myself to relax by changing my style a little bit with my genetic-guardian.

almost look a little like human-stuck Eridan.

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May-29-2014 going to be moving on June 1st.
Got some playing in for the day. Food, water, and cage all nice and maintained. Saturday I’m going to be cleaning it thoroughly so that when I move I can fold the cage up and transport it.
LilleVen seems pretty Tuckered out.
He’s been a bit nippy today and he tried biting at the bed-hammock a few times so I set in a wash cloth for him to wrap around in and chew on. So far so good.

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Another update is that I got to go to one of my favorite places on the planet this weekend. The Seattle aquarium. And! Got starbucks coffee!! It was a wonderful weekend and I also got my perspective freshened. Also went to a pagan shop and got my birth stone necklace. I really got to feel like myself, which doesn’t happen often. So for the person who took me- thank you very much.

These Hours can Seem Long

In the Middle of the night, just two nights ago. I found myself laying in bed.

Anxiety found its way into my mind and rest would not come easily.

I started whispering to myself, talking it all out. Figuring out what it was that was bothering me, what Facts I had to face and What things I couldn’t control.

I accepted my past and no longer regret what I have regretted. I am a Human and I have the capability to learn from my mistakes and history.

I remembered being very young and staring out into the darkness of me and my siblings room. whispering to myself at early hours of the night. or walking around the kitchen, toe then heel on each odd square embedded into the cheap trailer house flooring. 

That is what helped me collect who I was and be ok with what I could be. Thats what I needed. 

I needed to talk it out. aloud. Even when I did not feel I was close to anyone, and had no one to turn to or trust. I needed to whisper it aloud and find my Center.

Remember who I am, What I believe, What I want. What I need. What I can not control.

And the night seeped from my window and into my eyes as I fell asleep. That Night I had the most beautiful dream I feel that I have ever had.

The images were divine and the feelings and smells were enchanting.

When I woke up I smiled. I knew I was going to be ok.