if-you-could-see-me-now

1D Hiatus: Day 229

* More pictures of Harry on the set of ‘Dunkirk’ yesterday come out

* An interview with Niall for the European Challenge Tour is posted on Twitter

* #1DAnd5SOSTogetherForever trends on Twitter

* Pictures of Liam outside the recording studio in London two days ago are released

* A fan spots Louis in LA

* One Direction’s VEVO YouTube channel uploads the second episode of The London Sessions

* Pictures of Niall with fans in London last night come out

It’s Jul 29th, 2016.

When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground it makes a loud crashing sound. When a window shatters a table leg breaks or when a picture falls off the wall it makes a noise. But as for your heart when that breaks it s completely silent. You would think as it s so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world or even have some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong of a cymbal or the ringing of a bell. But it s silent and you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain.
—  Cecelia Ahern, If You Could See Me Now
When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground, it makes a loud crashing sound. When a window shatters, a table leg breaks, or when a picture falls off the wall, it makes a noise. But as for your heart when that breaks it is completely silent. You would think as it is so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world or even have some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong of a cymbal or the ringing of a bell. But it is silent and you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain. If there is a noise it is internal. It screams and no one can hear it but you. It screams so loud your ears ring and your head aches. It trashes around in your chest like a great white shark caught in the sea, it roars like a mother bear whose cub has been taken. That is what it looks like and that is what it sounds like a trashing, panicking, trapped great, big beast roaring like a prisoner to its own emotions. But that is the thing about love, no one is untouchable.
—  Cecelia Ahern, If You Could See Me Now

I met my ghost last Sunday on the same street corner where we first kissed. She was sucking on a cigarette and swallowing the smoke,
she didn’t even look like me anymore.

She said “love stinks,” but what does she know? She’s only seventeen and she smells like old whiskey and bruises. She’s only seventeen, she tells me she lost her last lover to Seattle and she’s never been the same since.

“This is what it does to us,” she says, and what she means is:
people leave and it’s awful and she doesn’t know what to do with it, so she keeps shoving strangers’ fingers into her mouth hoping that it will taste something like the person she was back then,
back when she was still in love with you.

She twists her tongue around the borders of California and I remember how I was a detonated bomb in the forests of Oregon. She’s saying I’ve got to stay calm about this all like we both didn’t lose you to your father’s angry brow or his favorite blues tunes, like we’re fine and we still know how to use our hands, like we never knew what a good thing was.

I’m fine, I never knew what a good thing was.

I take my ghost and throw her out the window, let her tear the knees off her jeans and choke herself until she’s rotten. She is abysmal and pedantic and she makes me hate living without you. I’ve got no choice in this. There’s no more make-pretend with the shadows of us at seventeen, if there were I’d run right back to our childhood years.

But it’s just like the last time we spoke and you told me —
I’m sorry, I’ve got to go.
I can’t do this now, I’m full grown.

—  If You Could See Me Now | d.a.s
Watch on wnq-music.com

“If You Could See Me Now”

(Oh if you could see me now)

(Oh if you could see me now)

It was February 14 Valentine’s Day
The roses came but they took you away
Tattooed on my arm is a charm to disarm all the harm
Gotta keep myself calm but the truth is you’re gone
And I’ll never get to show you these songs
Dad you should see the tours that I’m on
I see you standing there next to Mom
Both singing along, yeah arm in arm
And there are days when I’m losing my faith
Because the man wasn’t good he was great
He’d say “Music was the home for your pain”
And explained I was young, he would say
Take that rage, put it on a page
Take the page to the stage
Blow the roof off the place
I’m trying to make you proud
Do everything you did
I hope you’re up there with God saying “That’s my kid!”

[Chorus:]
I still look for your face in the crowd
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)

(Oh if you could see me now)

If you could see me now would you recognize me?
Would you pat me on the back or would you criticize me?
Would you follow every line on my tear-stained face
Put your hand on a heart that was cold
As the day you were taken away?
I know it’s been a while but I can see you clear as day
Right now, I wish I could hear you say
I drink too much, and I smoke too much dutch
But if you can’t see me now that shit’s a must
You used to say I wont know a wind until it crossed me
Like I wont know real love ‘til I’ve loved and I’ve lost it
So if you’ve lost a sister, someone’s lost a mom
And if you’ve lost a dad then someone’s lost a son
And they’re all missing out, yeah they’re all missing out
So if you get a second to look down on me now
Mom, Dad I’m just missing you now

I still look for your face in the crowd
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)

Oh, oh
Would you call me a saint or a sinner?
Would you love me a loser or winner?
Oh, oh
When I see my face in the mirror
We look so alike that it makes me shiver

I still look for your face in the crowd
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
Yeah I’m just missing you now

I still look for your face in the crowd
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)

If you could see, you could see me now [x2]