if-only-for-memories

It’s so unbelievably upsetting that no matter how many times you have to keep telling neurotypical people that the things you struggle with and how much you struggle can change daily, they don’t understand. They don’t, even if they claim to. 

I’ve been told “Don’t worry, I’m not going to judge or question your struggles” so many times, and each person who said this eventually found themselves in a situation where they just could not believe that I can sometimes struggle with the most ridiculous things, in the most ridiculous ways.

“You were given so much time to complete this assignment, HOW are you still not done?” “This is such a simple task, HOW are you not able to do it?” Oh, I don’t know, you ever heard of ADHD? How about executive dysfunction? Oh right, I believe I told you that I have it. Like a thousand times. 1001 now because apparently I’m not the only one with a bad memory here.

I don’t know why people hate writing or have such a hard time doing it. I guess they’re not as inspired as I am when I think of you. Which is weird considering all I have to write about is the past. Past stories, past heartache, how everything we ever had and ever will have is in the past. That is a scary, earth shattering, heart-wrenching thought. That every memory I have of you are the only ones I will ever have. Except, if maybe, I am fortunate enough to ever run into you one day. It will be awkward and uncomfortable, but at least I’ll get to look at those blue eyes one more time. 
I’ve spent the last few months convincing myself that we weren’t a “right person, wrong time” situation. You were exactly what I needed at that point in my life. You helped me through some of my darkest, most dramatic moments. Even though I wish you were still around to help me fight my demons, I wouldn’t have won those battles without you by my side. 
I guess I still struggle with getting over you because it came down to me not being good enough. And that is a hard thing to cope with no matter who it comes from. But it is very hard to hear it from someone you love, someone you’re in love with. And no, you didn’t flat out say it, you didn’t have to, I could just tell
Books are not only the arbitrary sum of our dreams, and our memory. They also give us the model of self-transcendence… a way of being fully human.
—  Letter to Borges: Susan Sontag on Books, Self-Transcendence, and Reading in the Age of Screens.
2

okay, not gonna get into analysis mode just yet (i need to collect myself) but jaha “seeing” wells when he looks at jasper is so fucking important to me. there is so much history in this single shot. not only that, but it literally brings back so many memories, because wells’s reflection is from the exact same scene in 2x02 where jaha hallucinated his son on the ark (before he gets down to earth with the missile) and wells told his father that he can choose to live.

so, the interplay between jaha’s decisions, the way bellamy reminds him of certain things (especially free will) and how they are connected to his son but also the boy who wants to stay in arkadia (jasper) and not follow him into that bunker are pretty damn significant for all characters involved.

not afraid to keep on living

you okay freddie?”
“yeah.”
me too.”

famous last words.

and haunting george weasley since that very day until today. the last thing he said to his brother before the battle, and therefore, the last words he said to him before he died, were “me too”.

bloody hell, there was a million things he could have said instead, if only he had known.

much more  hilarious things. memories of pranks, and jokes and the hogwarts corridors echoing with their laughter after yet another mischief managed. or embarrassing ones, he could have teased freddie about that time he caught him snogging with lee jordan after a quidditch match, when both of their faces were as dark red as the colours of fred’s sweater.

and fred could have teased back, you know? he so would have. fred would have mentioned that time at the yule ball when angelina appeared wearing that long and sheer blue dress, that made george speechless (‘that only time you ran out of something to say, georgie, it was brilliant!’) and then he would fake a stupid besotted face expression and george would have punched him in the arm, the both of them doubling with laughter.

he could have said a million things but 'me too’, but that’s all what he said.
such a simple, stupid, casual and trivial conversation, unaware of the fact it was going to be the last words they were going to say to each other, ever.

and it just left him with a lot of silence instead.
of all the things left unsaid, the pranks unfold, the jokes untold, the gadgets undeveloped.
losing freddie was worse than losing a limb, for george had lived all his life with words and laughter, with a companion, a mirror, a supporter, a friend, a brother.

time helped, but the wounds ran too deep, and just a simple glance of himself in the mirror was enough for george to be assaulted with unwelcoming memories and heart breaking flashbacks.

but he knew he wasn’t the only one in pain, either, that his looks and his physical appearance weren’t only saddening to him, when he saw the mist in his mother’s eyes after a kiss on his cheek, and the solemnity of his father’s expression when his voice faltered to call his name. when lee was so tense, so awfully nervous when angelina and him met to catch up with him.

and he wasn’t the only one struggling with mourning, either. with percy overworking, same with bill. when charlie travelled more than he used to. when ron tried to come with bright and useful ideas, when ginny practiced harder, and longer than ever. when he felt angelina’s warm hands running down his spine after a nightmare, her lips mouthing soothing words on his freckled shoulder, her lashes damp with unshed tears.

because he knew better than everyone, that there was so much of fred in him, in the same way there was a lot of him in freddie.

dying his hair was a whim, maybe, a palliative, a placebo. but when he stood in front of the mirror with darker hair and looked at himself, it was the first time in years he wasn’t automatically attacked with reminders of what was lost, and a grin made it to george weasley’s mouth.

i am okay, freddie.”
“and i hope you’re okay too.”

Parting

The shape of your warmth have been fading from your room like a favorite forgotten smell and I still try to keep your name on the tip of my tongue but it only tastes like an echo hit by the walls that hold the memories of you holding my tiny hands when I took my first steps. Memories some days hold me tighter than the last time I held your hand during your last breaths and I wonder if God ever sends back the love he takes away from us.

- In the memory of my late grandfather, inspired from the lovely piece “parting” by the very kind @dhritspoetry

anonymous asked:

#132 for the drabbles

132. I have reasons. You wouldn’t get it.

There’s a pain throbbing in his head; somewhere behind his eyes and further back a little.

He’s only drifting into consciousness. 

He has no memory of it.

His mouth is dry; lips cracking; throat wheezing.

When did he last have water?

His eyes stutter open for a flash. The light is searing; disorientating.

He goes to lift his hands to shield his eyes. It’s instinct.

But his hands don’t follow their orders.

There’s a sharpness to the pain in his wrists; restricted; trapped.

He’s still drifting.

Until the panic builds.

He tries shifting again; realises his hands are tied; tight.

He shuffles; sitting on a concrete floor; back solid against the wall, exposed brickwork rough through the material of his shirt.

He’s coughing.

He’s opening his eyes again and shutting them before focusing; he’s blinding himself each time but he needs to see.

He needs to know.

His memory starts working again, but it’s patchy; distorted; thawing slowly.

He sees Aaron in the kaleidoscope of images in his mind.

Aaron.

His heart’s racing now.

Aaron.

He remembers the pain.

Aaron.

Coughing; fighting it.

Aaron.

The bright light behind his eyelids darkens and they open.

It’s her.

Of course it’s her.

She’s holding water to his lips, and he takes it; feels the tide of it ripple down his aching, parched, crackled throat.

She pours too much and he splutters; pulling against the restraints aggressively.

She recoils.

“Where is he?” he demands; begs; threatens.

She steps back, watches him struggling against it, and she laughs. 

It’s cold; his blood runs the same.

She doesn’t answer.

Where is he?” it comes again; shouts it now; breathing ragged; tears pooling; voice hitched in desperation; threat still alive.

“If you’ve done anything to him…”

He can’t continue.

He can’t finish that sentence – the words don’t exist; the tears fall too easily at the thought of it.

“Why are you doing this to us?“ 

The plea is desperate; the threat still prevalent; the need for an answer hesitant.

"I have reasons. You wouldn’t get it,” she says.

And it all goes black.

Fairy Tail Theory cont.

Someone brought up that since Lucy is narrating the whole fairy tail manga then it might be her rewriting the book already and the story is all her recalling the memories she had with Natsu. I just read her wikia and  according to it: “ Lucy is passionate for literature and is in the process of writing her own novel about her adventures with Fairy Tail although she does not like telling anyone about it”. I know, for a writer telling someone you’re writing a novel is pretty embarrassing in a way (i sorta write) but think about the adventures they had and almost all of them had Natsu in it. Maybe she doesn’t want the guild members to know it because it would contain not only the past adventures they had but also the future ones, the ones that didn’t happen yet.. remember that lucy is the only one that has a memory of Natsu and everyone else so to write about fairy tail although she hasn’t stayed that long in a very detailed manner, including the members past, tenrou island, and the 7 year gap as well as the death of makarov would all be too shocking for everyone. lol okay im done, this is delusional  

Fanfiction: Cooking

Headcanon by @starstruckfemme: Hi yes I have a stupid head canon that Zelda wants to learn how to cook so she can experiment with elixirs and food so she treats every meal she makes like a fucking science projectAnd of course Link is the poor soul who taste tests everything

Thank you @starstruckfemme for allowing me turning this into a story! I’m super proud of it and I hope you like it! Please leave your opinion, it helps me improving my writing style. 




The creaking of the rusty cooking pot subliminal told Link something bad was about to happen. It was making his stomach twist and his back muscles getting tense. It could had been such a nice day for the young man, only lying around and enjoying her presence.

But fate was not willed letting him experiment peace. Link was not even sure if he ever had a calm day without doing something to save the world. He lost most of his memories and only gained a few back, so he could not remember properly.


One recovered memory had left him with an unsure feeling, and today he got this feeling again. It was the memory connected to the sixth photo on his Skeikah slate and he had found the photo scene near Irch Plain. Remembering something had always felt like the rush of adrenaline he got every time he was fighting.

But it was different, the feeling was softer and more comforting, like something blurred in his mind, a memory, which seemed to be far away, a gentle hand on his shoulder, an arm swathed into green fabric.

It felt familiar, so painful intimidate but Link knew he never had been there. Feeling the tree’s stub under his legs and hearing those jingling sounds.


However that memory he had been able to recover fully had left him scared. It had shown him and Zelda, sitting on a large meadow western Hyrule Castle. She had been busy taking photos while he was standing slightly away from her. While she was doing that, and the usual noise of taking a picture resounded in the hot summer air, had explained the value of the different flowers to him until she had spotted a plant named Silent Princess. Link had not known so much about flowers a hindered years ago, but that blossom had been, and probably still was one of his favourites.

Zelda’s facial expression had collapsed like a house of cards, her eyes had been full of sorrow and concern. While remembering it, Link had experienced all feelings he had have felt on this day. And he had wanted to hug her, to help her overcoming her fear and all those other feelings her mind was busy hiding from anyone else.


But this feeling had been swept away by an excited yell of the princess. Link had had barely any time to focus on anything before she had been kneeling in front of him, holding a frog in the palms of her tender hands.

She had told him to eat it. To be fair he had used a couple of frogs to make medicine on his journey. But that situation had been something entirely different. Zelda had wanted Link to eat it alive.


He knew the princess had never been the best chef, some at the court had called her pitiful attempts to make something edible ‘fitting into her behaviour of failure’.

And now she continued trying to make food to test her studies. After the calamity had been defeated and the political talks had ended, Zelda had started researching again. How to rebuild the guardians and finding a way to mass produce the Acient Amor were only a few of her researching goals.


And Link was her test object for anything she did.


“Link, I finished the portion!”, she screamed in his direction and somehow Link resisted the feeling to take to his legs and running far away.

He was a hero, for God’s sake and he was a afraid of swallowing a portion. He was not worthy of being called the Champion of Hyrule.

“I’m on the way!”, he answered her, sighing when he stood up.

He had not been to far away, sitting on a little hill, maybe five meters away from her, while she had been busy with cooking something nondescript. Still deep down in his soul he regretted sitting near enough to becoming a candidate for her tests.


The excited look on Zelda’s face made him feel even worse than before. He wanted to help her, she had saved anybody in Hyrule and how did he pay it back? Having bad thoughts about her. He was a bad person.

“Here, try it!”, she said, a little bit too motivated for Link’s liking. After he had glaced a at the silver spoon in front of his face and her wide eyes, he let out all the remaining air in his lungs and took it from her hand.


He was afraid.


The flavour was not as bad as he had thought. It was still horrible, of course it was, but there had been worse experiments. He tried not to grimace and laid the spoon back in her shaking hands.

Link tried not to mug when he swallowed the unnatural green portion. Oh god, he was far too kind for this world. The hero tried his best to smile after he laid the spoon back on her shaking palms.


“Still needs some improvement.”

im like 99% this is a trauma thing but

not only do i have HUGE gaps in my childhood memories up until like 6th grade but i have gaps in my memory of stuff that happened like months ago. some i know are too painful to remember bc every time i do it gets bad

but everything is off, what i thought happened yesterday could’ve happened weeks ago. it’s like my memories are all jumbled up like one giant knot in my brain

anonymous asked:

Thank you for answering all the asks!! You rock. Who do you think will be coming through the Looking Glass? Do you think Hope will really come through? Would love her to but not sure how they would deal with a kid back on base if it got renewed for season 5- unless Mack took a step back or she went to live with her mother. And if people do come through, they will only have memories of the framework right? So how does that work in the real world? Will they know they didn't exist before/died?

Hi Anon!

Yes now that we know looking glass can make bodies for people in the Framework we have a lot of options on the table.  But the top candidates:

  • Ward:  He is a very real possibility here.  Though I’m not sure if they have yet another version of Ward in the mix.   Framework Ward is NOT the Ward from the Real World.  He was programmed by AIDA and her master plan.  Either way…Ward will be polarizing.   But like I cautioned in my meta.   We are seeing “the fantasy” for some fans with Ward right now as we saw “the fantasy” Philinda fans wanted…and look how that one ended. 
  • Trip:  Nope, BJ is on another show so I don’t think they bring him back.  
  • Radcliffe:  Now Fitz does look to be making the offer in the promo.  Letting him be reborn in the real world, escaping the Hell he created in exchange for where the girls are going.  But I”m not sure if Radcliffe makes it through.  He seems to be on a bit of redemption and I stand by my pre season prediction he goes down for Fitz in some way or taking down AIDA, IE messing with the transfer or something so Madame Hydra doesn’t make it over.  
  • Hope:  I think she is the one we as a fandom can agree with here.  But.   Adding a child to a show like Agents of Shield is incredibly complicated.  Plus even if it gets him his daughter in the real world I don’t think Mack would want to use something from the Book of Doom too do it.  He’s going to have to let her go.  
  • The Doctor:  AKA currently the fandom’s worst nightmare.  Even if he does make it over it will be short lived.  The Dawn is breaking here guys and our Fitz will be back soon.  They team is going to need him to stop the big icky thing that the whole season has been building too.  
  • Something evil and nasty from the Darkhold:  If you all can’t tell I’m going down with the ship on this one!   No way that stupid book was showing multiple people how to build the same thing under the guise of giving them what they wanted most and wasn’t getting something out of the deal.  
  • Out of Left Field Last Minute Oh Crap Option…Papa Fitz:  He knows all about the other world.  And Radcliffe’s little speech about him being nothing in that world and nothing there without Fitz….might have struck the wrong cord….

If any of the Avatars make through yes, since they don’t have the brain scans of their real world counterparts all of their memories will be from the Framework world.  

From what I am understanding once the team is out they will get their original memories back but at the same time have to deal at least some of the modified memories AIDA has given them.  Much like Coulson has the memories of Tahiti and what really happened.  So this is how I see the early fallout going right now….20 could change that:

  • Coulson:  I think will come out of this the best with the whole thing being more of the Its A Wonderful Life kind of thing.  He saw the good he does with Shield and will come out ready for fight for Shield anew, bring it back to what it was before the fall.  
  • May:  She’s been in there the longest so it will be dealing with the overall kidnapping and what she was forced to do while under AIDA”s manipulations, especially in regards to Mace.   She and Coulson will also have to work out what their relationship is after all this.  Because they are still flirting (literally) with something more.  
  • Mack:  Yeah this is just flat out going to suck.  Dealing with the loss of his child again.   I wont’ be surprised if he closes himself off to Elena and/or lashes out at Fitz like he did in 14.  
  • Fitz:  Yeap, this one is going to suck too.  He’s got a lot to deal with from the massive amount of manipulation alone.  What AIDA forced him to do.  And he will do doubt have guilt.  While I’m sure Fitzsimmons in their relationship will be okay and likely end with them engaged or heading for the Love Nest.  Fitz himself will need to do some recovering.  I won’t be surprised if we don’t see him pull back from his work, question himself, be hesitant to create, and be incredibly leery of who he works with in the future.  
  • Daisy:  Well this arc isn’t really going how I thought it would in the Framework.  I had thought she’d really get a leadership arc but now its really odd and kind of all over the place.  Don’t get me wrong, she’s had some bad a** moments.  The quote from Jeff was “They will see things they can’t unsee”.  And Daisy is the one who has taken the brunt of this.  Having seen pretty much all the hostages at their worst.   So I wont’ be surprised if she has issues with Fitz when they come out.  The other fall out factor is if Ward does indeed come back for good in the real world.  
  • Jemma:  I really see Jemma becoming super protective of Fitz and just making sure he heals in the aftermath.  Much like he was there for her after Maveth.  She isn’t going to waste anymore time after yet another close call and they will move things along with their relationship.  

Today I I found a picture of this playground I went to when I was a kid while cleaning out my closet. I remember it being one of the most magical places. I only went to it once on a road trip but the memories I have of my family playing around & enjoying themselves here are some of the sweetest ones I keep in my brain.

Now, I take my son to parks very similar to this one & he loves them just as much as I did.

I thought I’d share this little glimpse of nostalgia with you because your blog has given so much to me 😊

this is so sweet i love this!! thank you for sharing this with me, lovely❤️

tagged by the awesome @gendryxaryatrash, thank you! ♡

rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 20 blogs you would like to get to know better

a- age: 17 yo

b- birthplace: Manila

c- current time: 4:57 pm

d- drink you last had: water, im basic lol

e- easiest person to talk to: my brother 

f- favorite song: right now I’m torn between The Only Exception by Paramore or Fallingforyou by The 1975

g- grossest memory: um maybe seeing those gross pictures of things with a lot of holes ugh just thinking about it raises the hair on my arms 

h- horror yes or horror no: naah I’m not really a fan of horror esp in movies

i- in love?: with dreams 

j- jealous of people?: yup 

k- killed someone?: hell no haha

l- love at first sight or should I walk by again?: I should walk by again and probably talk to them first lmao

m- middle name: maria

n- number of siblings: one and only bro

o- one wish: for TWOW to come out

p- person you called last: I don’t really call people?? idk why? but maybe im just lazy to talk 

q- question you’re always asked: “can you hangout?” with which I’ll reply: “i don’t really knoow :( I’ll ask my mom for permission first” (i know, my parents are strict haha)

r- reason to smile: MUSIC!!

s- song you last sang: Robbers by The 1975 (i’m obsessed)

t- time you woke up: 4 am

u- underwear color: hahaha

v- vacation destination: I’m a girl filled with wanderlust so basically anywhere. but i’d love to travel my own country first then explore london, japan, netherlands, sweden + so much more 

w- worst habit: eating too much

x- x-rays: had one when I was young for my skull

y- your favorite food: ice cream would always be my babe

z- zodiac sign: Taurus

I’m tagging my luvs: @house-arya @mockingjaykatniss2 @atimeofwhichwehavenoknowledge @awellthoughtofusername @padmesgreene @ashaeradayne @kinqstark @samvshaw

anonymous asked:

I see that we'd tell you our headcanons... but what about you?? Do you have any headcanons ??

Any headcanons… hmmmmm… I like to think that only Hinoka and Ryoma have memories of Corrin when she was a child. Takumi was too young to remember, Sakura even younger. 

And since Sakura has dolls of all her siblings, when Corrin returns I think that she’d get a Corrin doll made?

And that Takumi’s nightmares are mainly about his mother’s death. Seeing it over and over again, being unable to do anything, seeing her lying there, bleeding and being frozen in fear. He has the worst nightmares out of all of them, but I feel like he’d keep it to himself. He wouldn’t tell anyone, not even his retainers, and has gotten used to running on little sleep. 

I also feel like Ryoma is more of a father figure to Hinoka, Sakura and Takumi? Mainly Sakura, because of their age difference, but also because their father died when she was too young to remember. 

Hmm that’s mainly about the Hoshidan royals… I probably have a lot more about everyone else but thats all I can come up with right now!!

doodled a human orisa idea and efi as a lil’ warmup!! i know this is gonna be a popular thing to draw but i wanted to give it my shot!

Pros of watching an anime after it ends:
-you can binge watch it

Cons of watching an anime after it ends:
-dead fandom
-no weekly excitement for the new episode
-everything blends together and you don’t remember which episode specific things happened in
-no suspense bc you can immediately watch the next episode
-you can’t speculate on other people’s theories bc they’ve already been proven/disproven
-if the fandom is still alive, spoilers fuckin everywhere