if i need someone

anonymous asked:

i think hector is coming back to barcelona, it's almost confirmed :/ don't want him back tbh after he snubbed us couple of months ago plus i just think we don't need him. now someone like verrati? would die to have him

not sure why he wants to come back now since he kept saying he doesn’t want to? 

anonymous asked:

How are you feeling about this now?

upset and still hurt. slightly annoyed. i don’t understand why they’ve made out like something horrible happened when it didn’t. i’d appreciate an apology. i apologized for coming across as accusatory multiple times and i want an apology for them making me out to be something i’m not. the last message i sent them said i won’t keep trying to repair things. that was a month ago. i don’t know why that made them feel unsafe? i don’t know why they’re doing this when nothing happened? they haven’t been treating me well at all. i was always nice to them. i was always willing to listen if they needed someone to. yes, we had a bit of a conflict a month ago but it was a misunderstanding. it was my fault that it was misunderstood. they always find something to pick at about me. they even found something ‘wrong’ in my first apology. it’s like nothing’s good enough. i’m sick of being a doormat. we got along really well as friends for a majority of the time and everything was normal and relaxed and now all of a sudden i’m a danger? for no reason? i doubt i’ll hear anything from them though because i don’t think they can admit to being wrong. at least not to me. i always admit when i’m wrong and apologize. it was wrong of me to send something that came across that way, regardless of intent. and it was wrong of them to make out like i’m a horrible, dangerous person who needs to be avoided when i’m really not and then to gaslight me by pretending that it was about someone else when that’s a completely separate issue. i don’t care if they don’t want to be mutuals on here but why block me on fb? not just an unfriend, but a block? wtf? it’s not like i was a clingy friend or anything. we once went a whole 6 months? i think without seeing each other and i think we only talked a few times during that period. idk, i don’t remember. sometimes they’d message me first. it went all night a couple of times. just general memeing. we weren’t the type of friends who talked or saw each other every day. and if we were together, we weren’t the type of friends who always had to have conversation going. it was pretty relaxed and not stressful at all. it was fine.

at this point i really wish we had at least one mutual friend so i can find out what’s going on. i just don’t understand. i’m glad everyone i’ve talked to about it can see where i’m coming from though. thank you all.

It feels so strange to say “I trust you.”
Honestly, a bit wrong.
But, I have to say it;
For, to tell the truth,
I trust her, for the first time in forever;
She is the only one I truly trust.
I suppose it feels kind of like when I jumped off that cliff 12 feet up into shallow water-
Freedom, hindered by the fear of pain, but I make myself believe it, I force myself to feel it, to jump in wholeheartedly.
Because I need it.
I need someone to trust, to run to, and she is the only one I ever could.
She’s so important to me, and lord knows she could never understand how much I need her.
—  (04/03/1907)

Lately, I have been trying to transform my energy towards you into a more positive light. I don’t hate you anymore. I realized me hating you is me hating the version of myself that was scared to take chances. The version of myself that prioritized external experiences over a soulmate. The version of myself that took all that was given to me for granted. The version of myself that is selfish. I forgive you because I have forgiven myself. 

I have learned that I am capable of moving mountains for someone. I learned I need near constant communication or knowing it’s there. I learned that I put myself second in love and why I should stop doing it. I learned that I need a partner that has an equal amount of drive. 

I am deserving of the biggest and truest of loves and yours was not that. 

insanityisawefullyfun  asked:

hey there. Just wanted to let you know that if you need someone to talk to, I'm like, forever around and we've been mutuals for a while and I hate seeing my mutuals hurting!!

Awe, thank so much for being here for me. It means so much to me