Criminal Minds AU (Or that Time when Tony Figured Stuff Out)
first of all i was expecting zero (0) notes on the criminal minds au thing i did but a lot of you seemed to want more???? lmao not sure how THAT started but I’m writing more about it. We’ll see if I can finish this, i’m bad at finishing things. (WARNING: talks about merder and whatnot)
The murder happened in a suburb in Texas. Boring. Tony hates Texas after an unfortunate experience with Pepper leading him to some shop and then they almost got murdered by Stane (didn’t know it at the time, but Tony’s just glad he has a weakness for pastries). But they’re not even in any fun part of Texas where Tony can go to a bar and see someone do a terrible version of “Jolene” and imitate Dolly Parton. That would make his night.
Natasha’s the one who is great at looking at the body with no hint of disgust even though it smells like a three-week old burrito but about ten times worse. “He wrapped her in a sheet,” Natasha says.
“He cares about her, feels a little bit bad that he went and murdered her,” Sam mutters. “What else, Tash?”
“If you call me that again you’re not going to be the only victim.” Sam backs off. “It looks like she was dragged from the road to here. She was meant to be found.” Tony looks around. There’s a building that’s not far from it. That could be useful.
“How much do you wanna bet he has a truck?” Tony asks.
“How do you figure that?” Sam questions.
“Because a.) this is Texas, every guy has one, and b.) I think I found some tire treads.” He points to some marks in the mud. “He’s good, but not that good.” Natasha snaps a picture. “I’ll send it to Bruce, see if he can make anything out of it.”
Tony doesn’t get to interview anyone. This is generally a good idea, because Tony tends to push people until they hit him or threaten that he’s gonna be the victim after all this is over. What. Ever. Tony’s just here for a good time, not a long time.
In the mean time, he gets to see Bucky interview someone. He also realizes that Bucky should probably wear his hair up if he wants to stop batting it away from his face like the murder-cat he is.
The someone that Bucky is interviewing is the girl’s boyfriend. Tony doesn’t trust him, but judging by the way he’s looking at Bucky’s jawline, he probably wasn’t about to murder his girlfriend just because he hasn’t really acknowledged his sexuality publicly. So Tony lets him slide. That leaves about twenty other people that could probably be the killer. Actually no, make that nineteen. The mom didn’t count, she made them cookies. Serial killers don’t make cookies.
He hangs out with Natasha as she’s mapping out evidence.”
“Why are you still working with the FBI?” She asks him.
“Why haven’t you been called in for questioning when you look like you could murder someone?” He counters.
“Because I’m good at what I do,” Natasha says with a shrug. “Murder isn’t my thing, solving it is. Now, you didn’t answer my question, Stark. Why are you still working with the FBI?”
“They need me, and I’d rather not be hidden away by the CIA,” Tony says with a shrug. “Besides, it’s not like I can engineer an iron suit and fight crime in the streets.”
“Could it even be iron?” Natasha remarks, smirking. “Seems a bit heavy.”
“Mm, good point. Titanium alloy, then.” He looks at the pictures that the victim posted on social media. “Wait, let me see those.” Tony analyzes it. Four are around the same location. Someone’s house, probably her best friend. Tony feels bad for her; it would suck to lose Rhodey.
But he can see body language in every group picture. There’s one girl that’s never fit. “Who’s this?” Natasha glances at the picture.
“Lucy. We ruled her out, she fainted at the sight of the picture.”
“People can act convincingly, Romanov. You of all people should be familiar with that. Bring her in again.” Natasha shrugs.
“Whatever you want, then.” Tony keeps looking at the picture. Her body language suggests that she’s uncomfortable with the victim. Why would there be at least five pictures with her if she was uncomfortable?
Bucky cannot believe that they had to take the consultant. Not that he’s complaining. Tony has a weird sense of humor, but he has a cute butt, so that makes up for it. (Just kidding Bucky thinks he’s hilarious but he has a “brooding and mysterious” persona to keep up with.) Tony Stark is famous because he’s smart, he’s quick-witted, and he solved a murder in ten minutes once. (True story.)
Tony Stark was one of those people that Bucky noticed. Whether it was because Tony bought slidey-socks to mess around the office with, or Maria was talking about how he sent her at least five memes about paperwork, you just knew who he was.
Bucky noticed things. So he noticed him. And Tony was pretty cute. Bucky just didn’t know how to talk to people. Natasha said he had a Murder Face, which was not cute. It couldn’t even be helped with a teddy bear sweater.
So this was going to be interesting.