if you've ever wondered why i can't have nice things this is why

anonymous asked:

gallavich prompt: can you do something where one of them has an accident and forgets who the other is? :)

// ok I’ve given this my best shot…it’s a total standalone, full on oneshot, completely unrelated to my gallavich queer club universe (but trust me there is lots more of that coming!) enjoy //

‘Im sorry Mr Gallagher but he has amnesia.’

Ian sighed. 'But he’s going to remember? It’ll come back?’

'We can’t know anything for certain. I don’t want to promise something that may not happen. You’re free to visit him now, though. He’s awake.’

So Ian walked slowly down the corridor, breathing in the harsh chemical smell of the hospital. He just wanted to get to the room and see Mickey, yet he walked slower than ever. He knew that every step he took was a step closer to discovering something terrible.

'Can I come in?’, he called, knocking on the door. The man in the bed frowned at him, confused.

'I think you have the wrong room, man,’ he said, shrugging blankly.

Ian’s heart almost stopped. 'Mickey. It’s me. It’s Ian’, he whispered, shocked.

Mickey’s eyes widened. 'How the fuck do you know my name?’, he said, his tone suspicious and body inching away from Ian in caution, who had now entered the room.

Ian couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 'I know your name, Mickey Milkovich, because I have loved you for just shy of eight years.’

'I’m not a fucking fag,’ Mickey spat aggressively, but his eyes were fearful.

'You’ve got to be kidding me,’ Ian muttered incredulously. Mickey had reverted back to how he was before coming out. Before even knowing Ian. He walked up close to Mickey and got up close, the words falling slowly but piercingly out of his mouth. 'I don’t know what year you think you’re in, but back in 2014, you came out. You practically screamed it. Your dad beat the shit out of us, but we won. We went home and showered together and we didn’t fuck that night. We kissed with our broken faces and just lay side by side all night. Toe to toe, head to head. I held you. I kissed away your tears. And then, Mickey, then you rested your ear over my chest and you fell asleep listening to my heartbeat.’ Mickey was staring at him, paralysed. Ian wondered if he’d gone too far, but he didn’t stop. 'I know your name, Mickey Milkovich, because I can’t count the number of times I’ve fucking screamed out your name each time you coaxed my body into an orgasm…which you reciprocated nicely, might I add. Usually I top. But liking what you like don’t make you a bitch, isn’t that right?’

'I don’t know who the fuck you think you are but you need to shut your fucking mouth,’ Mickey practically whimpered. Then Ian calmed down a little. He realised that this wasn’t Mickey’s fault. So he spoke softly and less aggressively.

'I know your name, Mickey Milkovich, because six months ago, we got married. In the park here in Chicago. Our sisters were bridesmaids. Your brothers didn’t show up. But mine became yours. Lip was my best man. Kev was yours. And Yev was ring bearer. Your son - our son.’ Mickey was speechless. 'He’s almost five. And these are the rings he carried down the aisle to us,’ Ian said, holding up his hand to show the thick, plain silver band snug on his fourth finger. Then he tentatively reached out to run his thumb over Mickey’s identical ring. Mickey instinctively snatched his hand away like Ian’s touch burned him. 'In your vows, you told me that you loved me beyond any and all things. And you told me again later, when it was just us, because I still couldn’t believe it. It felt like a dream. Because I love you too, Mickey. So, so much,’ Ian told him, tears in his eyes, desperate. He clasped Mickey’s hand now and held on, his husband’s hand, the hand he knew better than his own, as he cried silently.

Mickey stared at their hands, fingering the ring on his finger, frowning. 'I don’t know where to even begin…they told me I had some amnesia but…how could I forget so much? There’s just, years and years missing. Years with you, apparently. You don’t seem like the sort of guy I could forget’, he whispered.

Ian raised his eyebrows. 'Was that - are you flirting?’ he almost laughed.

Mickey looked away awkwardly. 'Look, I know I’m gay. I’ve always known. I never kiss guys. Don’t want them to get attached…well. I don’t want to get attached to them, honestly.’

'You kiss me plenty. All of that playing-it-straight crap went to shit after a couple years with me.’

'Am I really married? To you?’ Ian reached for his wallet.

'I’ll bring more pictures from home, tomorrow - but I always have this one with me. This is us. Last May.’ Ian showed him the little rectangular picture.

'We look good,’ Mickey remarked, but the two men in tuxes with matching grins looked like strangers to him. There was a pause. 'Do I really have a kid?’

'Yes. He’s here,’ Ian said, flipping the pockets of the wallet over and revealing a photo from a year or so ago, of Yev sat on the couch at Ian and Mickey’s place. 'Yevgeny. We all call him Yev.’

'What kind of a -’

'Russian.’

'Why?’ Ian considered how to answer. 'Who’s his mother?’

Ian sighed. 'It’s a long story. I’ll tell you another day.’ Mickey didn’t persist.

'How did we meet?’

Ian smiled. 'It was 2011. We were still living out our teenage years, though yours were nearly over. You thought I’d - hurt your sister and you just burst into the shop where I used to work, screaming out my name. Wouldn’t be the last time you did that…anyway. We didn’t really meet until I came to your place one morning. We started out fighting, pretty hard, but then you pinned me down and - I just remember our eyes locked and we just stared at each other, and we just knew. And then we were just doing it. Fucking in your twin bed. I was fifteen. Shit.’ He sighed. 'We kept hooking up in secret. Always rushing through the sex. Terrified of getting discovered. That was more you than me, but still. We didn’t even kiss for, like, two years. Not that I didn’t try. But we used to flirt shamelessly. That was more me than you. You were nothing like anyone I’d ever known. I didn’t think you could exist. But you did. Eventually you seemed to just accept that you wanted me and you weren’t going to deny yourself pleasure anymore. It was literally destroying you, Mick.’

-

Ian had gone to get them both coffee. On the walk back, he reflected. It was still unbelievable. And unfair. But when hadn’t things been with them? He didn’t know how he could tell Mickey everything. Svetlana. Terry. His bipolar. The accident. How could everything about them have been wiped clean out of his head?

As he returned, he was broken out of these thoughts by Mickey’s voice ringing down the corridor. He was…singing? Ian listened.

'And I don’t want the world to see me, cos I don’t think that they’d understand’, Mickey sang, scratchy but pure.

Ian stood in the doorway, frozen. Mickey noticed. 'Are you ok?’, he asked.

'Mick…why were you singing that song?’, he asked in a choked whisper.

Mickey shrugged. 'I don’t actually know. I seem to remember it from somewhere. And it’s - it’s nice. I guess,’ he said, puzzled. 'Why?’

Ian stepped inside the room slowly. 'That was the song we danced to at our wedding. It’s our song, it’s our fucking song’, he said, then sang the next line, voice shaking, 'when everything’s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.’

They didn’t say anything. They just stared at each other, both searching for things that the other didn’t know how to give.

Mickey slowly slipped off the ring and held it. 'So I can remember our wedding song but not the wedding’, he murmured bitterly.

Ian noticed Mickey’s eyes fill with tears. He knew him well enough to know that any second he would begin crying. He walked over and held Mickey, not caring if the gesture was too sudden - if his husband was crying, he was going to comfort him. Sure enough, Mickey gave a loud sob, then tears fell down his face as he began to cry. Ian absentmindedly stroked his neck, planted little kisses in his hair; it was second nature. 'Sorry,’ he said after a moment, worrying Mickey would react adversely to the affection.

Mickey shook his head. 'It’s fine. It’s - nice. That’s not it.’

'Then what?’

'It’s just…I want to remember it, all of it. Not only for my sake but for yours too, this isn’t fair to either of us’, Mickey sobbed.

Ian nodded. 'I know. I know’, he said, feeling tears sting his own eyes. After everything they’d been out through, this just felt like the sickest, most fucked up twist of fate.

Mickey slowly turned and looked at Ian. He had somehow ended up curled against Ian’s chest, a familiar position. They were so close; Ian could feel his breath on his neck and it took all the strength he had not to kiss Mickey. It was too soon, it was too soon, he kept telling himself.

But then Mickey reached up, slowly, tracing the outline of Ian’s face. Tentative at first, then coming to cradle Ian’s face in his palm. Mickey’s eyes fell to his lips.

'Oh fuck,’ Ian murmured, and gave in. He kissed him hard, and then Mickey returned the kiss, deepened it. Ian’s hands ran through Mickey’s hair and they really tasted each other. Ian couldn’t get enough of him, no matter how familiar he was. That was the beauty of it.

'Your kiss. I’ve had it before’, Mickey said breathlessly.

Ian smiled. 'My lips are clearly a pretty unforgettable experience’, he smiled through his tears. Mickey laughed.

-

Mickey had fallen asleep in his arms and Ian had stayed, holding him. It reminded him of old times, before the accident. They lay together on the bed, Ian breathing in the same old smell. The blood and the hospital couldn’t erase it; it was, unmistakably, home.

'Ian? Are you awake?’, he whispered.

Ian looked down at his husband. 'Yeah. I’m here.’

'I just want to say. I’m - I’m sorry. You don’t deserve this. I can’t imagine how hard it must be’, he said.

'It’s not your fault’, Ian began, but Mickey cut across -

'regardless. I’m sorry. And when the doctor sees me tomorrow, I’m going to find out how I can beat this thing - if I can. If I can’t, well…’, he trailed off, unsure what would happen.

'Then we’ll work through it. I vowed to take you in sickness and in health’, Ian reminded him. 'God knows you’ve done that for me. Look, I love you, Mickey. I will always love you. And I know you’ve forgotten how to love me, but I’ll remind you. I want you to remember, to feel it all again’, he whispered, kissing his neck.

Mickey smiled. 'Thank you, firecrotch,’ he muttered as his eyes closed, drifting back into sleep.

Ian’s heart jolted and he closed his eyes, grinning, as more tears came. 'You’re on your way back, aren’t you,’ he whispered, kissing Mickey’s forehead gently. He didn’t think his old nickname had ever made him cry before.

But that was their relationship. Expect the unexpected. Always.


// the end! PLEASE keep sending me prompts, I gotta write every day this month! //

  • Charamei: I do wonder how Gallifreyan culture accommodates the fact that as a species they virtually all have some kind of really severe obsession, though
  • Charamei: like, I suspect the obsession-as-species-trait is related to the fact that they have obscenely long lives
  • Dromeianindistress: Well, they probably set their own work hours
  • Dromeianindistress: Except for politicians, whose obsession is generally politics
  • Charamei: indeed
  • Charamei: not that we're looking at anyone in particular, of course
  • Charamei: any three people
  • Dromeianindistress: Not, not at all
  • Dromeianindistress: And yeah, it's probably related to their lifespan
  • Charamei: yeah
  • Charamei: Gallifreyans don't seem to have 'old age' as much as 'I got bored of being alive and stopped getting up in the morning and then stopped breathing'
  • Dromeianindistress: XD
  • Dromeianindistress: This is the species that schedules their own death
  • Charamei: yup
  • Charamei: are legally obliged to, in fact, so they can get re-uploaded
  • Charamei: because they never actually stop existing, they just have a brief respite from being alive
  • Dromeianindistress: yep
  • Dromeianindistress: *side-eyes Pandak*
  • Charamei: XD
  • Charamei: but, like... someone like the Master, who develops an obsession with a person. There's got to be some kind of system for dealing with that in people who aren't complete homicidal maniacs in every other respect as wellk
  • Dromeianindistress: True
  • Dromeianindistress: But what?
  • Charamei: idk
  • Charamei: I'd say rehab, but they need *something* to focus on
  • Charamei: ...this is going to get very Black Ribboner, isn't it
  • Dromeianindistress: ....It would
  • Dromeianindistress: And of course there would be a very complex ritual involved
  • Dromeianindistress: I wonder if they ever tried to make Koschei do it
  • Charamei: probably
  • Charamei: that's probably how he devloped the secondary obsession with universal domination
  • Charamei: slight backfire
  • Dromeianindistress: Slight
  • Dromeianindistress: He left mid-ritual
  • Charamei: needed a pee
  • Dromeianindistress: XD
  • Dromeianindistress: No, left Gallifrey
  • Charamei: ah
  • Charamei: well, you know what the queues for the toilets can be like
  • Dromeianindistress: XD
  • Charamei: one of the rules of Gallifreyan obsession, of course, is that it must be downplayed in public at all times owing to Reasons of pretentiousness
  • Charamei: and honestly, as long as you're on Gallifrey this is fine, because everyone knows that when you say 'small hobby' you actually mean 'consumes my every waking thought'
  • Dromeianindistress: XD
  • Charamei: then you get offworld and some aliens have things that they just... do for a while and then get bored of?
  • Charamei: and then they do something else?
  • Dromeianindistress: And they do it for, like, a year
  • Dromeianindistress: Like, why even bother?
  • Charamei: seriously
  • Dromeianindistress: You haven't even gotten started until you've spent at least a century on it
  • Charamei: and during that year they don't even learn everything there is to learn about the thing and write five monographs
  • Charamei: what are they even doing with their hobby time
  • Charamei: relaxing?
  • Charamei: ...I wonder if this is why Gallifreyan culture seems to like paradoxes so much, because you can go round them forever and never get to the end
  • Dromeianindistress: oooo
  • Charamei: they're the perfect timewasters
  • Dromeianindistress: Well, they do have several millenia to waste
  • Dromeianindistress: Also it's not considered odd if a Time Lord takes a century off work to pursue something that's caught their interest
  • Charamei: no
  • Charamei: in fact doesn't Four say that? Admittedly he's probably being a prat
  • Charamei: "I'm entitled to a fifty-year break every two centuries" or something
  • Dromeianindistress: XD
  • Dromeianindistress: I'd say it's accurate, though
  • Charamei: Time Lords with silly little obsessions
  • Charamei: and just how far will their otherwise completely oppressive justice system allow leeway for this shit
  • Charamei: (Aliens must get so confused)
  • Charamei: (apparently 'Well, knitting has always been a small hobby of mine...' is an acceptable reason to commute a sentence from forced regeneration to a mere five hours of torture)
  • Charamei: (and for some reaosn it doesn't work when the aliens try it)
  • Dromeianindistress: XD
  • Dromeianindistress: Leela figuring out the justice system
  • Charamei: omg yes
  • Dromeianindistress: And asking Romana questions
  • Charamei: yes
  • Dromeianindistress: and Romana doesn't see what the problem is
  • Charamei: and Andred, and Narvin
  • Dromeianindistress: Yes, and Rodan
  • Dromeianindistress: Even Brax, on occasion
  • Charamei: and they all get more and more uncomfortable because nobody wants to admit the real reason for it
  • Dromeianindistress: It's just not something you *talk* about
  • Charamei: there are some things you just don't talk about with aliens, even friendly ones, and the major flaw inherent in Time Lord psychology is one of them
  • Charamei: no
  • Charamei: it's just something you kind of... accept, and work around in your friends, and condemn in your enemies
  • Charamei: (Romana and Darkel slinging 'Well she's completely obsessed with being President!' at one another and everyone just kind of smiles and nods like, of course you both are, otherwise you'd be doing something else)
  • Dromeianindistress: yes
  • Dromeianindistress: XD
  • Dromeianindistress: And Brax has 'a small interest in art collecting'
  • Dromeianindistress: Which is why Romana hasn't turned him in for breaking every law of time out there to build his collection
  • Charamei: exactly
  • Charamei: Narvin's mild interest in astronomy probably translates to his entire bedroom being covered in star charts
  • Dromeianindistress: Romana doesn't even blink when he points out an extremely obscure fact about a minor space phenomenon relevant to the discussion
  • Charamei: nope
  • Dromeianindistress: (...there probably isn't a rehabilitation process for problematic obsessions. You just get mind probed a couple times as a warning, then exiled if you don't find something else)
  • Charamei: (...yeah)
  • Charamei: (there are some psychic doctors who specialise in fixing this stuff but you have to go and actually find them)
  • Dromeianindistress: (and most people don't *want* to)
  • Charamei: (no, because wanting to destroy the universe is perfectly harmless, it's only a thought exercise, of course they'd never... oh, hey, a Doomsday device!)
  • Dromeianindistress: ( XD )
  • Dromeianindistress: (Well there was also Shada)
  • Charamei: (yeah)
  • Charamei: (on the plus side, it does probably mean that people give Leela more leeway than you might expect when it comes to going hunting etc)
  • Charamei: (Andred and Rodan explained it as a mild interest and everyone just kind of nodded knowingly and left her to it)
  • Charamei: (she has no idea why of course)
  • Dromeianindistress: (Most Gallifreyans don't actually realize everyone in the universe isn't like this)
  • Charamei: ( no)
  • Charamei: (that's just what happens when you get interested in something)
  • Charamei: (then they go out there and start sabotaging fluid links so they can look around and the aliens are very unforgiving for absolutely no reason)
  • Dromeianindistress: (That's what interest *is*)
  • Charamei: (exactly!)
  • Dromeianindistress: (Really, completely irrational. They'll never understand how these aliens think)
  • Charamei: (nope)
  • Dromeianindistress: (The Rani was totally taken aback when the Doctor tried to get her experiments shut down)
  • Charamei: ( yes)
  • Charamei: (and every time a companion says something like "Are you enjoying this?" the Doctor gets utter culture shock)
  • Charamei: (of course they're enjoying it that doesn't mean they don't also care)
  • Dromeianindistress: (this is what they *do*, this is what they're interested in)
  • Dromeianindistress: (they can't turn that off)
  • Dromeianindistress: (it doesn't mean they don't care about the people involved)
  • Charamei: (the Master enjoys trying to kill them as well but they don't see the humans getting on their high horses about that)
  • Dromeianindistress: (really)
  • Charamei: (filling obsessions just feels good)
  • Charamei: (...we've just found Time Lord sex)
  • Dromeianindistress: (omg)
  • Dromeianindistress: (does that mean Time Lord marriages are 'our obsessions both line up very nicely with each other right now, let's be joined at the hip until they diverge again'?)
  • Charamei: (...quite probably)
  • Charamei: (Darling I very much enjoyed your paper on the inverse correlation of x and y please marry me and we should discuss this at every opportunity)
  • Dromeianindistress: (and they proceed to discuss it for the next 500 years)
  • Charamei: (yes, with occasional pauses to write papers)
  • Dromeianindistress: (...Gallifreyan conversations tend to be very long)
a hella long list of random lyric sentence starters (pt. 10)
  • "How did we ever come to this?"
  • "I never thought you'd be someone I'd have to miss."
  • "There I was, caught in your game..."
  • "If you're looking for forgiveness, you won't find that here."
  • "You can say you're sorry, but I still don't care."
  • "You're both to blame."
  • "I hope you know you're my last mistake."
  • "Don't come around and say you need me."
  • "I won't stay."
  • "Go make yourself some friends or you'll be lonely."
  • "It was a big big world, but we thought we were bigger."
  • "I started writing songs, I started writing stories."
  • "Only those I really love will ever really know me."
  • "Once I was 20 years old, my story got told."
  • "I only see my goals, I don't believe in failure."
  • "I got my boys with me at least."
  • "I hope I'll see you later."
  • "We've traveled around the world and we're still roaming."
  • "I'm still learning about life."
  • "I'm still sorry."
  • "Tell me what you want this to be."
  • "I just can't catch a break."
  • "I know what I want this to be."
  • "You're dragging things along."
  • "Do you feel like something's missing when your skin is pressed to mine?"
  • "All I ever wanted was a part of you that I couldn't break."
  • "We're in pieces now."
  • "All you ever wanted was a part of me that I couldn't fake."
  • "I have to let you down."
  • "I know I’m the one you want to forget."
  • "Baby, you were my picket fence."
  • "I miss missing you now and then."
  • "Sometimes before it gets better, the darkness gets bigger."
  • "The person that you’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger."
  • "I am the best you’ll never have."
  • "Drink up, baby, stay up all night."
  • "I'll make you mine."
  • "I hate myself for staring at the phone."
  • "Kept all your texts, can’t erase them."
  • "I’d call you up but I know you’re not alone."
  • "I know that I should not hold on, so why can’t I let go?"
  • "I keep trying to figure out who you are to me."
  • "Maybe all that we were meant to be is beautifully unfinished."
  • "Your fingerprints are tattooed on my skin."
  • "You’re the one that I can’t lose; you’re the one that I can’t win."
  • "I hate you and I love you and I wish you’d go away."
  • "I hate you and I love you and I wish that you would stay."
  • "I think that you think that I'm half drunk."
  • "I know that you wouldn't fall for that."
  • "Shut up and take my hand."
  • "I don't wanna say goodnight."
  • "Hot damn, look at me now."
  • "I bet you never thought you would fall again."
  • "So much for keeping this 'just friends'."
  • "Shut up and kiss me now."
  • "I've done my part for twelve years now."
  • "I really wouldn't mind if we don't go anywhere, cause I've got you."
  • "You think my bruised knees are sort of pretty."
  • "I think your tired eyes are kind of nice."
  • "Have you got a lighter on you?"
  • "I really don't mind if we take our time."
  • "I've got a couple bottles of your favorite wine."
  • "I love everything that you've got."
  • "Would you be mine?"
  • "How can you joke at a time like this?"
  • "This is what you wanted all along now, isn't it?"
  • "I think that all you ever really ever wanted was a reason to complain."
  • "Those are her words, not mine."
  • "As far as I'm concerned, we could've had a good time."
  • "I guess there's nothing more to discuss."
  • "Girls don't call, and they never tell you why."
  • "Don't listen to my music."
  • "Don't lie in my bed."
  • "Don't listen to the references to things that you might have actually said."
  • "As far as I'm concerned, it could have been a lot worse."
  • "I wasn't trying to avoid the confrontation."
  • "She told me that I don't even try."
  • "Maybe you're right, maybe this is all that I can be."
  • "But what if it's you, and it wasn't me?"
  • "I'm fucked in the head, and my mind is turning into a whore."
  • "Maybe she's right, maybe I'm wrong."
  • "Maybe we'll fight 'til it move us along."
  • "You know that admitting the problem is the first step."
  • "Friends turned to wine-drunk lovers."
  • "I felt the strangest emotion but it wasn't hate, for once."
  • "Life is moving, can't you see?"
  • "There's no future left for you and me."
  • "I was holding and I was searching endlessly, but now there's nothing left that I can do."
  • "There is another future waiting there for you."
  • "They say people never change, but that's bullshit, they do."
  • "I do not think I would be here if not for them."
  • "With friends like ours, anywhere is home."
  • "Keep getting the feeling you wanna leave this all behind."
  • "I thought we were holding on, aren't we?"
  • "You and me got a whole lot of history."
  • "We could be the greatest team that the world has ever seen."
  • "Let's drive around town holding hands."
  • "And ya need to know, you're the only one."
  • "I love you, babe, so bad."
  • "I'm hella obsessed with your face."
  • "I'll be your daydream."
  • "We could be beautiful."
  • "Say you'll never let me go."
  • "Take me back to a time only we knew."
  • "We could waste the night with an old film."
  • "You said you'd never ever break down, but here I am sweeping pieces off of the ground."
  • "You said you'd never ever play to crowds."
  • "I've spent all night long scared of tomorrow."
  • "Everything is almost lost."
  • "I never thought I'd be so fragile."
  • "We're fragile."
  • "You're the only sound that I ever want to hear."
  • "Give me your heart, and I'll give you my love."
  • "Tonight you look lovely."
  • "Let me wrap my arms around you."
  • "Let me take you home."
  • "I want you to myself."
  • "You're the only thing that I ever need to know."
  • "Our world is looking so bright."
  • "I'm a little bit lost without you."
  • "I had a feeling once that you and I could tell each other everything."
  • "I just wanted you."
  • "Something about you, it's like an addiction."
  • "Hit me with your best shot, honey."
  • "I've got no reason to doubt you."
  • "You keep coming back again."
  • "I'm certain that I'm yours."
  • "I adore you."
  • "I said I'd never miss you, but I guess you never know."
  • "I miss your early morning company."
  • "You are my favorite 'what if'."
  • "You are my best 'I'll never know'."
  • "What did it ever mean to you?"
  • "I wish I'd known how much you loved me."
  • "I wish I cared enough to know."
  • "I'm sorry every song's about you."
  • "The torture of small talk with someone you used to love."
  • "When I was younger I was certain that I'd be fine without a queen."
  • "Where we've been is who we are."
  • "Now all I do is wonder why we ever set the scene."
  • "It's such a shame that we play strangers."
  • "Damn, it's such a shame that we've built a wreck out of me."
  • "I'll remember nights alone and waking up to dial tones."
  • "Always found my greatest moments in the sound of your 'hello's'."
  • "Will you even know it's me?"
  • "Can we find a new beginning?"
  • "Do you turn the other cheek?"
Mistakes, part 7. (Neymar imagine)

His p.o.v

If i ever thought i had felt pain before, i was wrong. Nothing hurts as much as remembering how it is to kiss her, to touch her and to hold her, and not being able to do it again. Hell it even felt amazing when she called me ‘babe’, even though i know she didn’t mean to call me that. You’d think that her kissing me would make me happy, but i feel miserable. I realize it’s because i know she regrets it. No matter how much she wants me, she won’t give in to me, and that hurts. She feels like a drug. You can’t give a heroine addict who is recovering 10% of what he usually would get, because you know his desire for more will slowly kill him.
I just put Davi in bed, and hugged him a little longer knowing he’s the reason she is still in my life. I need to get her back, i think when i get into my own bed. I need to win her back, and make her mine again, and i will do anything to make it happen. I drift off into a sleep, with dreams about her.

She was the last thing i thought of when i fell asleep, and the first thing i thought about when i woke up. I’m in way too deep. I watch as Davi eats his cereal, and go in instagram. I’m pleasantly surpised when i see pictures of her and Davi ice skating yesterday. I rub my temples and try to think of an excuse to go to her. Instead i text her, but as soon as i press send i regret it.

Her p.o.v

I got sick the moment i stepped into my house. It’s been almost 3 years since i was ill, and it feels like hell. I blow my nose in a kleenex and pull my blanket back to cover me. It’s 57 degrees in my house and i’m still cold. I sneeze and feel my eyes water. This has got to be the worst day ever. I wonder what my friends would think if they saw me like this. They’re used to my perfect make up face, and my prefect outfits and hair. When i think about it like this, i  realize that i don’t really have any real friends. In the show business everyone pretends to be your friend, and you feel like you’re really popular. But at times like these you realize how lonely you are. My only real friend was Neymar, but now i don’t even have him. I could call David or Oscar but they are somewhere far away from me, and busy with their own lives. I get startled when i hear some weird sounds from the kitchen. Is there a robber in my house? I stand up cautiously, with the blanket wrapped around me and go take a look. I freeze when i feel wetness down at my feet, and i see how there’s water coming out of the dishwasher. The washing machines are in the basement of my apartment building, so the dishwasher is literally the only thing that would ruin my house if it broke down. And it did.
'OH GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK!’ I yell throwing away my blanket. Now i have to call someone to fix this mess and who knows how long it may take? When i pick up my phone to call someone i see that i have a text. Somehow i just know it’s him. I open it.

We need to talk.

I sigh and delete the message.
'No we don’t.’ I say aloud, before calling a plumber. 
About 4 hours later i’m checking in to a hotel, close to my house. The plumber said it would take at least three days to fix my dishwasher and fix the water damage. The people who lived below me came to yell at me and were suprised when they saw a famous person had been living above them. Irritared i give my credit card to the guy at the lobby, and he takes it cautiously. 
'How many nights?’ He asks, and i sigh.
'I have no idea, at least a week.’ Now that people know where i live i have to find a new house, on top of my new movie being filmed and all the problems with Neymar i feel like exploding. I feel like killing him for bringing me all this trouble. 
'Alright, if you don’t check out i’ll keep your room reserved for you.’ He smiles at me and nod.
'You’ve got room 203, which has a nice view on the skyline of London. It’s on the 6th floor, the last room on the right.’ I thank him, and walk towards the elevator with the guy who carries my bags and my two trolleys. I take one from him, and by the time i arrive in my room i’m sweating and puffing. I organize my clothes in the closet, and put my toiletries in the bathroom. After that i’m exhausted, so after i take a shower i collapse on the kingsized bed. I get a text from my agency, telling me that everything had to be stopped at the set today because i cancelled last. Which m minute. Which means i have no choice than to go tomorrow. I groan and set my alarm before drifting off into a restless sleep.

I don’t know how late it is when i hear someone banging on the door. I think it’s a dream, and turn around pulling my covers with me. But the banging continues, and i stand up, irritated and mad. I’m ready to slap the person who’s responsible for disturbing my sleep. But when i open the door, confusion takes over and i forget how to speak. Neymar is standing in front of my door, yelling at the guy who helped me with my bags earlier. 
'Sir if you harass people i’ll have to call the police.’ He says, holding his hands up, but Neymar has stopped screaming and looks at me now.
'What the hell do you think you’re doing?!’ I snap, and his face looks angry again. 
'Is everything ok miss?’ The younger boy asks. He looks a little pale and intimidated by Neymar but i nod and he leaves.
Neymar rudely walks into my room, and i wonder why he’s here.

'Are you gonna answer me or what?’ I ask, crossing my arms. He looks around, and turns around to me.
'YOU’RE STAYING AT A FUCKING HOTEL?!’ He yells, and i flinch.
'My dishwasher.. it-’ I start. 'I KNOW!’ He disrupts me and i’m honestly a little scared of him. 
'Do you know how i had to find out you were spotted in town at 2 fucking am?! I read it on twitter! I had to go to your appartment to find out what happened!’ I shake my head in confusion.
'Why were you looking for me?’ I ask, my voice sounds small and i see how he relaxes a little.
'I’ve been calling you all day, you left me no choice!’ He says, throwing his hands in the air. 
'I was too busy moving all my stuff. You can’t expect me to come running to you everytime you need me.’ I snap.
'And i’m ill, so i didn’t have the energy to talk to you.’ I add. His expression softens.
'You’re ill? How are you now?’ I sigh, and walk over to the bed to sit down. I’m wearing nothing but my underwear and  robe so i pull it down to cover my legs a little.  
'Not exactly great. Considering you just barged into my room.’ I say, looking up to him. He’s wearing jeans, and a tight white shirt and it looks amazing on him. He kneels in front of me. 
'Why didn’t you come to me meu amor? You could stay with us till your house is fixed.’  He says, and something inside of me snaps when he does. The fact that he acts like nothing happened, and we’re besties. Like i’m his puppy, who does everything he asks from me. I stand up, pushing him away and he stands up too.
'Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?!’ I yell at him, placing my fingers on his chest and pushing him away. He’s startled by my sudden mood swing.
'We broke up Neymar! We aren’t together anymore, and it’s all because of you! Because you couldn’t stay faithfull to me! You ruined everything we had, all because of her and you don’t even care about her!’ I dramatically grab my head. All my anger, my confusion and sadness comes together in one big ball of frustration and i’m glad it happens now. I’m not even finished yet.
'Because of you i had to move out in the middle of shooting a movie after months of hearing no, everytime i went to a casting! Because of you, everytime i see Davi i get reminded of what could have happened! We could’ve been happy!’ My eyes start to water, and i don’t care.
'How could you do this to me?’ I ask, and my voice cracks. Great..
'I loved- love you so much. I would have done everything for you! I would have moved to Brazil just to be closer to you, but you ruined it.’ I finish, with a sob, and Neymar’s hurt look satisfies me in the weirdest way possible.
'I’m sorry i ruined everything.’ He says, and i see the tears in his eyes.
'You gave up everything for me and i threw it away. I just want to ask you for one more chance baby. I miss you so much.’ His voice cracks too, and we’re a mess. 
'I don’t know why i didn’t realize this before but you are the red string in my life that keeps everything together. You were my first girlfriends Davi liked, and i’m so stupid for not seeing it before. Please give me one more chance.’ He says, getting down on his knee for me. He takes my hand, and i get the crazy idea he’s going to propose to me but that can’t happen. He wouldn’t do that. That’s crazy even for him. He can’t do that. I thought.. Because Neymar reaches for something in his pocket, and when he opens the little velvet black box, i feel all the blood drain from my face.