Do you hate yourself?
Do you dream of pets that try incessantly to murder their keepers?
WELL HAVE I GOT GOOD FUCKIN’ NEWS FOR YOU!
SATAN is an unsexed but probable female sandboa that YOU can own for the low, low price of “get her the fuck out of my house!!!!”
Why is she unsexed, you ask? Well THIS LITTLE SHITBAG doesn’t believe in food, so she’s too small to properly sex! You heard it right here, folks: This sandboa is 6 months old and didn’t take a meal until J A N U A R Y! Now that’s what I call difficult!!!!
Satan’s ideal home would be with someone who has no self respect and cannot fathom interacting with a pet that wants to saw off their fingers with her tiny, tiny teeth!!!
Satan would ideally be placed with someone who doesn’t mind wasting pinky mice literally every goddamn week while she decides if she wants to continue living!!! Does she want live? Frozen thawed? Brained and scented? WHO KNOWS????? Not me!!!!!!
Satan has been known to strike just because you looked at her!!!!!! She’s had a full physical examination and is in good health, but that doesn’t stop her from being possessed by fucking snake demons!!!!!!
Eventually, Satan may realize that food is a thing that is Good and Pure ™ and she may one day make an awesome pet or breeder! Look at those high black spots, and she’s a gray belly! Don’t delay! Get this snake the fuck outta my house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!