if you wanted to know

Do you hate yourself?

Do you dream of pets that try incessantly to murder their keepers?

WELL HAVE I GOT GOOD FUCKIN’ NEWS FOR YOU!

SATAN is an unsexed but probable female sandboa that YOU can own for the low, low price of “get her the fuck out of my house!!!!”

Why is she unsexed, you ask?  Well THIS LITTLE SHITBAG doesn’t believe in food, so she’s too small to properly sex! You heard it right here, folks: This sandboa is 6 months old and didn’t take a meal until J A N U A R Y! Now that’s what I call difficult!!!!

Satan’s ideal home would be with someone who has no self respect and cannot fathom interacting with a pet that wants to saw off their fingers with her tiny, tiny teeth!!!

Satan would ideally be placed with someone who doesn’t mind wasting pinky mice literally every goddamn week while she decides if she wants to continue living!!! Does she want live? Frozen thawed? Brained and scented? WHO KNOWS????? Not me!!!!!!

Satan has been known to strike just because you looked at her!!!!!! She’s had a full physical examination and is in good health, but that doesn’t stop her from being possessed by fucking snake demons!!!!!!

Eventually, Satan may realize that food is a thing that is Good and Pure ™ and she may one day make an awesome pet or breeder! Look at those high black spots, and she’s a gray belly! Don’t delay! Get this snake the fuck outta my house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shipnation  asked:

Damn son, I feel like what did we do to deserve this??? Fall of 2015 we were almost dying and here were are just living. And it is good! Lord, it is good. Praise!!!!

Omg, seriously. It was so bad a little over a year ago. Had us hating half of our OTP for several episodes. Now everything with our ship is perfect and nothing hurts, and I wanna, like, send Gimple an edible arrangement and maybe apologize for all the horrible things I said when I was angry. (It was the pain talking.) I never even realized that canon could be this good. But it is so, so good. 

Jellybean.

♡ ♡ ♡

Riley nervously drummed her fingers alongside the edge of the dining room table as she anxiously waited for Lucas to come home. The two newlyweds were just starting to get comfortable in their new lives. They had only been married for about a year and everything was still hectic. With Lucas starting up his own practice and Riley doing freelance writing and photography while trying to figure out which she’d rather do more they barely had time to see each other, let alone talk. It definitely wasn’t the ideal time to have a baby but even still she couldn’t ignore the immensely happy feeling she felt whenever she thought about it.

She had an inkling a few weeks back, certain foods that she loved weren’t sitting right with her anymore and she felt sleepy all the time. For the first month or so she chucked it up as stress, that is until she realized she couldn’t remember when her last period was.  She took 8 pregnancy tests just to be certain and sure enough, as clear as day, all came back positive.

That was three days ago. Tonight was the night she planned to tell everyone. She and Lucas were to have dinner together and then they were heading over to her parents’ house for game night. Afraid she’d ruin the moment by blabbing it out to him she decided to let her food do the talking for her by planning a baby themed meal.

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┏┓ 
┃┃╱╲ In this 
┃╱╱╲╲ house 
╱╱╭╮╲╲ we love 
▔▏┗┛▕▔ & appreciate 
╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲ 
     rice ball and her beautiful art

  • .。*゚+.*.。(❁´◡`❁)。.。:+*

╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲ 
▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔ 

@kyuchikos-scissors : this meme wldn’t work in ask form fdhkfdhkdhd BUT ILY AND I HOPE U START FEELING BETTER ABT UR ART BC IT LIGHTS UP MY DAY <33)

;;A;; aaAAAAAA this is so sweet of you!!!!! Q////Q aAAA than K YOU <333 this brought a huge smile on my face T____T <3

ok so…i know there’s been a lot of rumour and speculation after val moved into patsy’s room about patsy not coming back this series or At All but…has anyone thought that she might just end up buying her own house/flat + living there? if her dad dies, she’ll probably have a considerable amount of money left to her in his will…all she needs to do is wait for delia to finish her training and then they can move in together again? (and hopefully neither of them gets hit by a bloody car this time!)

I think I gained 10 pounds today, I literally cannot stop eating. Idk what my uterus thinks it’s doing, but it should really stop cause I can’t afford to gain weight like this. 

Meow

Hey guys, so I decided to make a Darkxreader story cause like Chocolate was my favorite ending soo… Here it is? Anyways its called Meow and I wrote it quickly so I expect mistakes. Listened to Props and Mayhem and one day I will make a Dark story to that song I swear.

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Motivational women from my life

My Monday Motivation on a Tuesday! Anyhow, this is such a good idea! Thank you for the tag, @conversationinthehallway

woooo i love it .. a though provoking question. let me see. 

Well. I don’t think i can choose famous people for this– i really have to have a tangible connection to the people … that isn’t saying that i can’t look to celebrities or authors or public figures to find motivation, i surly can, but it doesn’t resonate with me as much as real people in my life that i have have relationships with… dunno if that makes sense? anyway…

In college I by shear luck ended up with a resident assistant who was .. no other words. Amazing. I was 3000 miles away from home for really the first  time and had struggled a lot the first semester grade wise… and she got me involved in well everything and turned my ass around and made me realize that the more you do the more you can do.. cuz it makes you schedule your time and prioritize and to this day i still use shit she taught me allllll those years ago.

Also in college i got really really involved in student government/leadership stuff and I honestly thought eh whatever i don’t think this is for me but i started having fun and meeting a lot of people and then getting to interact with some AMAZING female leadership advisors who i don’t know how they did it? magic? wizardry? were able to pull stuff outta me i didn’t know i had to give. They made me see that i could do whatever the task was at hand and they gave me the confidence to try literally anything. That was a huge huge gift to me.. I never would have had the experiences I had earlier in my life if i didn’t have the confidence to try. 

Right after college I went to work for club med. I would have never even thought of dong something like that if i hadn’t had the experiences i had in college.. but here i was teaching aerobics in resorts all over the world. I made some fantastic friends doing this– who i literally would never have even known existed if i hadn’t taken this chance.  My friends from Belgium, France, Morocco, Thailand, Fiji, South Africa, Brazil, Pakistan,  they motivated me to learn more about the world.. I mean as a white girl from NYC area my view of the world was very very limited. That changed a bit when i went to college.. it broadened my view of Americans but not of people on a world stage – meeting these amazing women from all over the world and seeing how different, yet how much the same we were was such.an.eye.opening experience. 

I had this STUPID vision that when my first child was born i would be able to nurse .. just like that.. and that it would be this beautiful experience. HA. HA. HA. HA. No one tells you that nursing is hard and it hurts and isn’t some fucking hallmark card. I was literally in tears more times than not and I wasn’t enjoying my newborn, I was a freakin mess– until i found a location consultant who sat w/ me and patiently helped me thru figuring the whole mess out. She was a godsend.. she saved my sanity, and i know for certain she saved my nursing relationship with my kids cuz i was so ready to reach for formula i can’t even tell you .. but she helped me figure it all out .. and i turned the corner and realized I can do this. THIS i can do .. and THAT was so freakin empowering to know you can feed your baby whenever and where ever they need it was empowering to me as a woman.. and it became MORE empowering with each kid i had. I loved nursing and to think i almost missed out on that whole experience cuz i would have given up scares me.  The lactation consulted motivated me to  keep going, and whew if you can get thru nursing just the first 6 weeks it all clicks.. so it was  a constant reminder, i can do this, i can do this, i can do this. .. nursed all 4 kids because of her. I can’t even thank her enough for that gift.. cannot. 

My mom tribe. I have to say that it so takes a village to raise these freakin kids. I didn’t understand that when i first started. I thought I CAN DO THIS. let me tell you you can’t. I was lucky that my 4 kids all went to the same preschool and I have cultivated quite the network of moms from my time there. These moms amaze me everyday– these are moms who are all so freakin busy with their own lives yet won’t hesitate to say.. i can get your kid if you need me to.. or drop her here i can watch her.. or your kid is sick and you need milk.. i got you…  Its the first place i go when i need help, its the first text chat I check int he morning to see who may need help– these woman are selfless and kind and everyday they motivate me to help, laugh, love and see that we are all in this crazy shit storm together so gather your tripe and hold on :-D 

I’m tagging… @whatfallsaway, @misshadley, @mobygirl21, @sunflowerseedsandscience and @mangokiwitropicalswirl if i didn’t tag you.. do it anyway!! 

2

am i going to regret this? of course! lmaoo but i was tagged to do this like 359648965 years ago and its time, its time for me to finally do my tags asdgfhjkl, anyways this is yo gurl laura, whos going to be 21 on march 22nd but still looks like a 17 year old… tragic (@ god…..why?!?!!?) also these pictures dont make sense bc i literally just put here the first two i saw so excuse me

i was tagged by @3c279 @1aeil @bfsicheng @onyourmarklee @bbykino (on my pentagon blog i know but im lazy) @jung-yoonoh (last year sfkfgdkf sorry) and i think more people but that was decades ago

and im tagging @freakydeakytaeyonq @healingsmiles @princeyoungho @boomingty @wishlistbyfx @94wnd and everyone who wants to do this!!! (:

anonymous asked:

First time sending anon hate but I feel like I have to...I had a massive paragraph that I was going to send to you, telling you what you have done to my friend but to be honest you aren't worth my time (by the way she hasn't put me up to this)

Well less you grow up and talk to me face to face I got absolutely nothing to say to you or your friend either. 

Whatever problem she has with me she has always been free to handle with me, rather than “warning” people about me. I do not have her blocked. 

Can we stop this high school crap already? 

By the way no matter how you justify anon hate in your head it is never justified. Spam my inbox with anons if you most - I am not gonna answer one single one from you or your friend after this. Be an adult and I will talk to you in private. 

Crap You Didn't Need to Know

@ladydracarysao3 @galadrieljones these two really cool and beautiful and interesting ladies tagged me. Why? Who knows…
So here goes another list:

1. How tall are you? 5′5"

2. What colour and style is your hair? Almost black and wavy. I usually braid it or throw it into a messy bun everyday.

3. What colour are your eyes? Hazel

4. Do you wear glasses? Yes and contacts but mostly glasses. I’ve always been fond of glasses for some reason.

5. Do you wear braces? No. Never.

6. What is your fashion sense? Ha! I have no fashion sense. Mostly jeans or leggings and oversized t shirts or my nerdy fandom shirts. On occasion when I’m feeling stylish, I wear boho style.

7. Do you have any siblings? Yup 4 brothers

8. What kinda student were/are you? The kind everyone hates. I hardly studied but still got decent grades.

9. What is your favourite subject? Psychology or Literature (it’s a toss up)

10. Favourite TV shows? Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, Lost, Buffy, Twin Peaks, Doctor Who, and Black Sails.

11. Favourite books? Wuthering Heights, Half Blood Prince, LOTR, Pride and Prejudice, The Belgariad, Picture of Dorian Gray, Snowflower and the Secret Fan, Dragon Tattoo series….this can go on and on…

12. Favourite pastime? Reading, Writing, video gaming, sitting outside and just watching squirrels and birds, crocheting

13. Any regrets? No…I’ll forever believe that without the stupid things I’ve done or that have happened, I wouldn’t have had as much character growth.

14. What is your dream job? I’m living my dream job…I get to be at home with my kids.

15. Do you want to get married? If I didn’t , it’d be a little late for that haha

16. Do you want kids? How many? Yes. I’d like maybe 6 of my own and then once school debt is completely paid off, we’d really love to adopt.

17. How many countries have you visited? Excluding my own, just two.

18. What’s the scariest dream you’ve ever had? I once had a dream I was kid napped and locked in a dungeon and raped time and time again and nobody found me for years and I couldn’t escape (it still haunts me to this day)

19. Do you have any enemies? If you count myself than yes.

20. Do you have a datemate? I don’t know what this means…but I do still date my husband..

I tag anyone who is willing to talk about themselves!!!

anonymous asked:

Lmao what discrimination do straight asexuals face?

okay so this is the only ask i’m answering about this lol

i’m 99% sure that you don’t give a single fuck about my answer and you’ve probably seen a billion arguments but your head is too far up your ass to care what i say either way bc nothing will change your mind so i don’t wanna bother explaining since it’s a waste of time but on the off chance that someone out there is seriously curious about this, here’s a couple posts [x] [x