if you set the world on fire

6

Casting Runes

Fehu: domestic cattle, wealth | possessions won or earned, earned income, luck / abundance, financial strength in the present or near future / sign of hope and plenty, success and happiness / social success / energy, foresight, fertility, creation/destruction | reversed or merkstave: loss of personal property, esteem, or something that you put in effort to keep / indicates some sort of failure / greed, burnout, atrophy, discord / cowardice, stupidity, dullness, poverty, slavery, bondage

Uruz: auroch, a wild ox | physical strength and speed, untamed potential / time of great energy and health / freedom, energy, action, courage, strength, tenacity, understanding, wisdom / sudden or unexpected changes (usually for the better) / sexual desire, masculine potency / the shaping of power and pattern, formulation of the self | reversed or merkstave: weakness, obsession, misdirected force, domination by others / sickness, inconsistency, ignorance / lust, brutality, rashness, callousness, violence

Thurisaz: thorn or a Giant | reactive force, directed force of destruction and defense, conflict. Instinctual will, vital eroticism, regenerative catalyst / tendency toward change / catharsis, purging, cleansing fire / male sexuality, fertilization | reversed or merkstave: danger, defenselessness, compulsion, betrayal, dullness / evil, malice, hatred, torment, spite, lies / a bad man or woman

Ansuz: the As, ancestral god, i.e. Odin | a revealing message or insight, communication / signals, inspiration, enthusiasm, speech, true vision, power of words and naming / blessings, the taking of advice / good health, harmony, truth, wisdom | reversed or merkstave: misunderstanding, delusion, manipulation by others, boredom / vanity and grandiloquence

Raidho: wagon or chariot | travel, both in physical terms and those of lifestyle direction | a journey, vacation, relocation, evolution, change of place or setting / seeing a larger perspective / seeing the right move for you to make and deciding upon it / personal rhythm, world rhythm, dance of life | reversed or merkstave: crisis, rigidity, stasis, injustice, irrationality / disruption, dislocation, demotion, delusion, possibly a death

Kenaz: beacon or torch | vision, revelation, knowledge, creativity, inspiration, technical ability / vital fire of life, harnessed power, fire of transformation and regeneration / power to create your own reality, the power of light / open to new strength, energy, and power now / passion, sexual love | reversed or merkstave: disease, breakup, instability, lack of creativity / nakedness, exposure, loss of illusion and false hope

Gebo: gift | gifts, both in the sense of sacrifice and of generosity, indicating balance / all matters in relation to exchanges, including contracts, personal relationships and partnerships |  merkstave: greed, loneliness, dependence, over-sacrifice / obligation, toll, privation, bribery

Wunjo: joy | joy, comfort, pleasure / fellowship, harmony, prosperity / ecstasy, glory, spiritual reward, but also the possibility of going “over the top” / if restrained, the meaning is general success and recognition of worth | reversed or merkstave: stultification, sorrow, strife, alienation / delirium, intoxication, possession by higher forces, impractical enthusiasm / raging frenzy, berzerker

Hagalaz: hail | wrath of nature, destructive, uncontrolled forces, especially the weather, or within the unconscious / tempering, testing, trial / controlled crisis, leading to completion, inner harmony | merkstave: natural disaster, catastrophe / stagnation, loss of power / pain, loss, suffering, hardship, sickness, crisis

Nauthiz: need | delays, restriction / resistance leading to strength, innovation, need-fire (self-reliance) / distress, confusion, conflict, and the power of will to overcome them / endurance, survival, determination /  time to exercise patience / recognition of one’s fate / major self-initiated change / face your fears | reversed or merkstave: constraint of freedom, distress, toil, drudgery, laxity / necessity, extremity, want, deprivation, starvation, need, poverty, emotional hunger

Isa: ice | a challenge or frustration / psychological blocks to thought or activity, including grievances / standstill, or a time to turn inward and wait for what is to come, or to seek clarity / reinforces runes around it | merkstave: ego-mania, dullness, blindness, dissipation / treachery, illusion, deceit, betrayal, guile, stealth, ambush, plots

Jera: a year, a good harvest / the results of earlier efforts are realized /  time of peace and happiness, fruitful season / can break through stagnancy / hopes and expectations of peace and prosperity / the promise of success earned / life cycle, cyclical pattern of the universe / everything changes, in its own time | merkstave: sudden setback, reversals / a major change, repetition, bad timing, poverty, conflict

Eihwaz: yew tree | strength, reliability, dependability, trustworthiness / enlightenment, endurance / defense, protection / the driving force to acquire, providing motivation and a sense of purpose / indicates that you have set your sights on a reasonable target and can achieve your goals / an honest man who can be relied upon | reversed or merkstave: confusion, destruction, dissatisfaction, weakness

Perthro: lot cup, vagina | uncertain meaning, a secret matter, a mystery, hidden things and occult abilities. Initiation, knowledge of one’s destiny, knowledge of future matters, determining the future or your path / pertaining to things feminine, feminine mysteries including female fertility etc. / good lot, fellowship and joy / evolutionary change | reversed or merkstave: addiction, stagnation, loneliness, malaise

Algiz: elk, protection | protection, a shield / the protective urge to shelter oneself or others / defense, warding off of evil, shield, guardian / connection with the gods, awakening, higher life. It can be used to channel energies appropriately / follow your instincts / keep hold of success or maintain a position won or earned | reversed: or merkstave: hidden danger, consumption by divine forces, loss of divine link / taboo, warning, turning away, that which repels

Sowilo: the sun | success, goals achieved, honor / the life-force, health / a time when power will be available to you for positive changes in your life, victory, health, and success / contact between the higher self and the unconscious / holeness, power, elemental force, sword of flame, cleansing fire | merkstave: false goals, bad counsel, false success, gullibility, loss of goals / destruction, retribution, justice, casting down of vanity / wrath of god

Tiwaz: Tyr, the sky god | honour, justice, leadership and authority / analysis, rationality / knowing where one’s true strengths lie / willingness to self-sacrifice / victory and success in any competition or in legal matters | reversed or merkstave: one’s energy and creative flow are blocked/ mental paralysis, over-analysis, over-sacrifice, injustice, imbalance / strife, war, conflict, failure in competition / dwindling passion, difficulties in communication, and possibly separation

Berkano: Berchta, the birch-goddess | birth, general fertility, both mental and physical and personal growth, liberation / regenerative power and light of spring, renewal, promise of new beginnings, new growth / arousal of desire / a love affair or new birth / the prospering of an enterprise or venture | reversed or merkstave: family problems and or domestic troubles / anxiety about someone close to you / carelessness, abandon, loss of control / blurring of consciousness, deceit, sterility, stagnation

Ehwaz: horse, two horses | transportation / may represent a horse, car, plane, boat or other vehicle / movement and change for the better / gradual development and steady progress are indicated / harmony, teamwork, trust, loyalty / an ideal marriage or partnership / confirmation beyond doubt the meanings of the runes around it | reversed or merkstave: not really a negative rune / a change is perhaps craved / feeling restless or confined in a situation / reckless haste, disharmony, mistrust, betrayal

Mannaz: man, mankind | the Self; the individual or the human race / your attitude toward others and their attitudes towards you / friends and enemies, social order. Intelligence, forethought, create, skill, ability / divine structure, intelligence, awareness / expect to receive some sort of aid or cooperation now | reversed or merkstave: depression, mortality, blindness, self-delusion / cunning, slyness, manipulation, craftiness, calculation / expect no help now

Laguz: water, or a leek | flow, water, sea, a fertility source, the healing power of renewal / life energy and organic growth / imagination and psychic matters / dreams, fantasies, mysteries, the unknown, the hidden, the deep, the underworld / success in travel or acquisition, but with the possibility of loss | reversed or merkstave: an indication of a period of confusion in your life / you may be making wrong decisions and poor judgements / lack of creativity and feelings of being in a rut / fear, circular motion, avoidance, withering / madness, obsession, despair, perversity, sickness, suicide

Ingwaz: Ing, the earth god | male fertility, gestation, internal growth / common virtues, common sense, simple strengths, family love, caring, human warmth, the home / rest stage, a time of relief, of no anxiety / a time when all loose strings are tied and you are free to move in a new direction / listen to yourself | merkstave: impotence, movement without change / poduction, toil, labour, work

Dagaz: day or dawn. | breakthrough, awakening, awareness / daylight clarity as opposed to nighttime uncertainty / time to plan or embark upon an enterprise / the power of change directed by your own will, transformation / hope and happiness, the ideal / security and certainty / growth and release / balance point, the place where opposites meet | merkstave: a completion, ending, limit, coming full circle / blindness, hopelessness

Othala: ancestral property | inherited property or possessions, a house, a home / what is truly important to one / group order, group prosperity / lLand of birth, spiritual heritage, experience and fundamental values / aid in spiritual and physical journeys / source of safety, increase and abundance | reversed or merkstave: lack of customary order, totalitarianism, slavery, poverty, homelessness / bad karma, prejudice, clannishness, provincialism / what a man is bound to

2

Chynara Madinkulova (long hair) and Aida Akmatova (bun) compete in the “Traditional Archery” category at the World Nomad games in Kyrgyzstan, which concluded last week.

Said games also include eagle hunting, horseback wrestling, and setting people on fire. Also this game where you chuck javelins at people to knock them off their horse.

Clearly the Olympics needs to step it up.

100 ways to say “I love you”:
1. You are beautiful.
2. I love your smile.
3. Here, let me get that for you.
4. I love seeing you wake up in the morning.
5. You are amazing.
6. I love (this) about you:
7. Stay safe. Text me when you get there.
8. I love when you do (this):
9. I think you’re beautiful when:
10. You’re too good for me.
11. I don’t deserve you.
12. I care about you.
13. Don’t put yourself down like that.
14. I adore you.
15. I can’t stop thinking about you.
16. Seeing you makes me smile.
17. I need you by my side.
18. I’m thankful for you.
19. You make me a better person.
20. You complete me.
21. Have a good day at work!
22. You’re the light of my life.
23. Seeing you makes my day.
24. I get butterflies every time we talk.
25. I’m so lucky to have you; I don’t know how I got so lucky.
26. You set my heart on fire.
27. I’ll walk you home.
28. I love to make you happy.
29. You’re my soulmate.
30. You’re my best friend.
31. I can’t wait to see you (again).
32. You mean the world to me.
33. You’re my rock.
34. I value you.
35. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
36. I love being around you.
37. Pull over and let me drive some.
38. Take my jacket, it’s cold outside.
39. I want you.
40. You complete me.
41. You’re my happiness.
42. Do you need anything?
43. I want to hold your hand and never let go.
44. You’re the only one for me.
45. You are my heaven on earth.
46. Every time I look at you I fall in love all over again.
47. Drive safe.
48. I don’t know what I’d do without you.
49. Forever isn’t too long, because I know I’ll be with you.
50. I’d rather argue with you than kiss someone else.
51. You look great today.
52. I love that _______ on you.
53. You look cute when you push your glasses up.
54. I’ll always be here; I’m here for you.
55. My heart hurts when you’re not around.
56. I can’t think of what my life would be like without you.
57. We’re perfect for each other.
58. I cherish you; you’re more important than anything else in my life.
59. I will love you until I die, and even after.
60. You’re mine.
61. I support you.
62. I’m addicted to you.
63. You’re perfect in my eyes.
64. Take this; it’ll help you feel better.
65. I can’t wait to see you.
66. You’re the only one for me.
67. I’m crazy about you.
68. I had an amazing time with you.
69. I feel so lucky to have you.
70. I’ll never let you go; I’ll never want to.
71. I hope this moment never ends.
72. You leave me breathless.
73. I’d do anything for you.
74. Seeing you happy makes me happy.
75. I’m sorry for hurting your feelings.
76. You always find a way to make me smile.
77. I can’t put what I feel for you into words; it’s too great.
78. I still get jealous even though I know you’re mine.
79. I’m listening to you.
80. I made this for you, I know it’s your favorite.
81. I’m excited and nervous for tonight with you.
82. I got you your favorite candy.
83. I’ll always care about you.
84. I made you breakfast.
85. I can never stay mad at you.
86. I love your eyes; they’re gorgeous.
87. I love that outfit on you.
88. You look so cute.
89. You’re the highlight of my day.
90. How’d you sleep?
91. Your smile makes my heart go crazy.
92. I hate seeing you cry.
93. It’s my job to make you happy.
94. I want to spend more time with you.
95. I’ll fix it.
96. I hate when we argue.
97. You’re the only person I want to live my life with.
98. You drive me crazy (in a good way).
99. I’m proud of you.
100. I trust you, I always will.

- L.L.
—  via @thoughtlessinspirationss on tumblr
Very small things I love in fallout 4

- whenever Cait hums happily
- whenever somebody calls Nick “Nicky”
- how Kent Connellys face lights up when you promise to help him.
- Hancock saying “you see em too!?” When you fire your gun at nothing.
- codsworth saying “ouch?” When he gets hit.
- when you first enter sanctuary and the music plays a few notes of “I don’t want to set the world on fire”
- when the protectron asks you to put on your hard hat, if you have one in your inventory and equip it, he says “thank you”.
- the pauses in the Silver Shroud quest, where your character is trying to think of what to say next.
- taking psychojet and going YEEEEEAHH in slow mo.
- the little grunts deathclaws make when they are docile (like momma deathclaw)
- the way a tame mutant hound sits like a big cuddly green dog
-Preston being overjoyed to ride in a vertibird
- the implication that Nick would really like to have wings
- Pipers hand movements when she talks
- there is more

It used to puzzle me why it was such a common element in urban fantasy settings - particularly those of tabletop roleplaying games - that the reason magic stays hidden is because people don’t want to believe in it.

In the real world, people are desperate to believe in magic. You see it everywhere, from spirit mediums on TV to the horoscopes in the daily paper.

The idea that there’d be an institutional refusal to believe in magic is just so alien to the demonstrable facts of human psychology that it would seriously hurt my suspension of disbelief.

Talking cats and setting things on fire with your mind is one thing, but a human psychology that lacks an inclination toward magical thinking is simply bizarre.

Then it hit me.

The public’s refusal to believe in magic in urban fantasy settings is a stand-in for the perennial nerd fallacy that non-nerds are stupid, and only the special, nerdy elite have the objectivity to understand the world as it truly is.

Charming.

an earth moon’s heart is full, but she is hard like a forest floor. yet, every single day, new things grow in the forest, and form treetops and flora. it gives a home to forest animals and humans that dare to adventure into it. it’s alive and thriving, and so are earth moons.

an air moon’s heart is empty, but only because she is up in the clouds, running, dreaming, flying. she’s breathing in new experiences and emotions that don’t even exist yet. she’s found peter and she’s on her way to neverland as we speak, she doesn’t ever want to come down.

a fire moon’s heart is overflowing, you cannot keep her contained. she needs release, spirit, adventure. she’s sprinting through cities and setting everyone and everything in her way ablaze with stories, emotions and life. she’s reaching for the clouds and burning the planet to it’s core. she’s everywhere, everything and more.

a water moon’s heart is waiting at the bottom of the ocean. she’s seen everything the world has to offer and she’s not done yet. she’s catapulting into space. she’s created the oceans. she’s filled herself to the brim and she’s filling others too. she has so much to offer that her own tiny body cannot contain it all.

based on this suggestions blog.  warning:  these are pretty dark/angry  &  could be triggering to some people.  please be cautious before proceeding!!

‘  all i want in my life is for my friends to be able to touch me suddenly  &  me to not flinch away without meaning to.  when will this stop affecting me?  ’
‘  all i want is to be soft  &  gentle,  but i’m made out of steel  &  anger.  maybe in another life,  i guess.  ’
‘  beauty is in the eye of the beholder,  so choose to see beauty in everything.  ’
‘  burning it all to the ground  &  force them to start again.  they made you lose everything.  now return the favor.  ’
‘  do i ever even cross your mind or do i do all the thinking of us on my own?  ’
‘  do you trust me enough?  do you trust me at all?  ’
‘  don’t you dare abandon me.  ’
‘  even after all you have done,  i will always want you fighting on my side.  ’
‘  every time i see you smile i fall in love with your brightness all over again.  ’
‘  everyone i have ever loved is long gone.  i sing to the sky alone.  ’
‘  everyone i touch gets hurt,  but i can’t stop.  i touch  &  i touch  &  i touch  &  people get hurt.  why can’t i ever stop?  ’
‘  everyone says i used to be a hero,  but i can still taste the blood in my mouth  &  still feel bruises blooming because of my fists  &  my eyes are still stretched wide  &  terrified.  ’
‘  everything i love has been taken from me.  what do i have left to fight for?  ’
‘  fall in love with someone that makes you feel strong.  ’
‘  friends are more important than any material object will ever be.  ’
‘  i am aching to hold you  &  keep you safe,  to be pressed against you so that nothing can harm you.  ’
‘  i am divine  &  you will bow before me.  ’
‘  i am fucking divine.  ’
‘  i am in control  &  i listen to no one.  ’
‘  i am not a good person.  don’t pretend i am.  ’
‘  i am not accustomed to love.  this is a learning experience.  ’
‘  i am not worth saving  &  i am not worth redemption.  let me stay in the dark.  ’
‘  i am so tired all the time,  all i want to do is rest.  ’
‘  i am too tired to deal with any of this.  ’
‘  i bow to no man.  ’
‘  i broke into sharp pieces when i broke  &  i expect someone else to hurt their hands on my edges just to put me back together.  i’m sorry.  ’
‘  i can give you your wings back  &  i can show you to fly once more,  if you only believe in me.  ’
‘  i cannot be saved.  ’
‘  i can’t ask for help because if i ask for help it hurts people.  i can bear this weight on my own.  i have to.  ’
‘  i could taste the lies in your mouth every time i kissed you,  but i loved you too much to notice.  ’
‘  i crave affection in the simplest way.  ’
‘  i deserve to hurt.  i deserve to bleed.  ’
‘  i didn’t ask for any of this so don’t you dare blame this on me.  ’
‘  i don’t care if you say my name like it’s poison or like it’s a prayer,  as long as it leaves your lips.  ’
‘  i don’t fight for you anymore.  ’
‘  i don’t want to let go of you.  not now,  not ever.  ’
‘  i don’t want to talk about it.  i don’t want to remember.  i don’t want to heal.  all i want is for it to go away.  ’
‘  i don’t want you to touch me.  please don’t touch me,  just go away.  ’
‘  i feel anger deeper than my bones.  i feel anger in my very soul.  ’
‘  i feel nothing at all,  except for when i feel everything all at once.  ’
‘  i have fallen  &  though i may miss the sky,  i belong here now.  ’
‘  i have fallen from a height your mind cannot even imagine.  ’
‘  i have no home anymore.  ’
‘  i remember collapsing in the flames with a sword in my hand  &  then i remember nothing.  ’
‘  i see beauty in everything,  but especially in you.  ’
‘  i should never have fallen in love with you.  ’
‘  i thought for a long time that i was so terrible no one would look at me.  now i know it’s because i shine so bright they are forced to look away.  ’
‘  i was so caught up in the feeling that i forgot how to breathe.  ’
‘  i will never amount to anything.  i am a failure in the worst type of way.  ’
‘  i will tell myself that the burn of my loneliness in my chest completes me  &  maybe someday it will be true.  ’
‘  if that’s what a hero is i’m glad i’m not one anymore.  ’
‘  if you ask me to,  i will set the whole world on fire,  my dear.  it’s all for you.  ’
‘  is it my fault?  it’s my fault.  it’s always my fault.  ’
‘  it’s not murder if they deserved it,  right?  ’
‘  i’m drowning in emotions that don’t belong to me,  choking on anger  &  suffocating on sadness.  ’
‘  i’m in love with everything that hurts me.  ’
‘  i’m okay.  i’m alright.  this is all in my mind.  ’
‘  i’m ready to give up everything i’ve ever had if it means someone will love me.  ’
‘  i’m so cold  &  i can’t stop shaking.  i am not who you think i am.  ’
‘  i’m so tired all the time  &  i just want to be awake again.  ’
‘  i’m tired of fighting against the pain of being forgotten.  i just want someone to remember me.  ’
‘  i’m tired of fighting everything in my life.  just make it stop.  ’
‘  i’m too tired to care.  blow up,  get angry at me.  i’m sure someday i’ll realize i deserved it.  ’
‘  jealousy burns within me.  ’
‘  just let me go in peace for once in my damn life.  ’
‘  loneliness is a disease  &  it leaves me empty  &  hollow,  like sound goes through my body  &  bounces back.  ’
‘  made of starlight  &  sunshine,  i shine brighter than they all know.  ’
‘  my anger is righteous  &  my actions are pure.  ’
‘  my chest aches  &  my lungs burn.  this sickness comes from the inside.  ’
‘  my chest hurts  &  all i need is some comfort  &  understanding.  ’
‘  my chest hurts  &  i ache to go back to the sky.  ’
‘  my shoulders are aching where wings used to be  &  all i want is for them to stop hurting.  ’
‘  pull me apart  &  piece me together in your own way.  make me perfect.  ’
‘  righteous fury throws through my veins  &  if you touch the people i love i will destroy you.  ’
‘  rise up.  you can’t keep being small when you were made for so much more.  ’
‘  say my name like it’s the only one that’s ever been on your tongue.  ’
‘  so much blood has been spilled in my name.  time to make you believe it was in yours.  ’
‘  so you’ll worry about me when i fall silent,  but not when i scream  &  plead for help?  fuck off.  ’
‘  sometimes people have to get hurt for me to get what i want.  ’
‘  stay away from my fucking friends.  stay the fuck away or so help me i will destroy you.  ’
‘  stop treating me like i’m an idiot.  you aren’t better than me in any way  &  you better remember that.  ’
‘  the bitter taste of regret is ever present on my tongue.  ’
‘  the world is spinning far too fast for me to stay on it.  ’
‘  to love them is my divine right.  ’
‘  voices whisper from the shadows  &  they fill my mind with thoughts of you.  ’
‘  what did i to wrong to be so unloved?  ’
‘  what is the point of power if i’m not supposed to use it?  ’
‘  who the fuck do you think you are?  ’
‘  why can’t i ever fucking stop crying?  ’
‘  with a new year comes new tests  &  triumphs.  let’s try to make the most out of it.  ’
‘  would it really kill you to be honest for once?  ’
‘  yes,  i remember my wings breaking  &  being destroyed.  i was powerless to stop it.  ’
‘  you are not required to love your parents,  or to even like them.  ’
‘  you can’t hate me more than i hate myself,  but you are more than welcome to try.  ’
‘  you may say you love me,  but you love only a part of me.  i am too complex for you to ever love my entire being.  ’
‘  you never fucking cared about me.  don’t fucking lie about it.  not to me.  ’
‘  you remind me of mint.  fresh,  sharp,  kind of cold,  but in a nice way.  i always knew there was a reason mint was my favorite.  ’
‘  you shine light in even the darkest parts of me.  you are my sun.  ’
‘  you should fear me,  but you don’t.  i will be eternally puzzled,  yet grateful.  ’
‘  you touch me  &  my skin burns  &  it burns for you,  always you.  ’

Harry Potter Spell Themed Asks


Accio :
If you could summon anything in the world right now what would it be?

Aguamenti: Do you like water?

Alohomora: Can you and have you, ever picked a lock?

Anapneo: Are you CPR certified?

Aparecium: On of a scale of Mr. Bean to 007 how much of a spy are you?

Avada Kedavra: If you could kill one single person, who would it be?

Avis: What’s your favorite kind of bird?

Brachiabindo: Have you ever been tied up before? What was the circumstance?

Capacious Extremis: If you could make one object bigger on the inside, what would the object be?

Cave Inimicum: You’ve got to fortify your room from zombies with only objects you have readily available. What do you use?

Colloportus: Have you ever locked yourself out of your own house before? If so, what did you do?

Confringo: Have you ever accidentally set fire to something?

Confundo : What confuses you most about the world?

Crucio: What’s the worst pain you’ve ever been in?

Deletrius: What’s the last thing that you did besides this?

Densaugeo: What’s the most extensive thing you’ve been to the dentist for?

Deprimo: Have you ever been knocked over by the wind before?

Descendo: What’s been a low point in your life?

Diffindo: When was the last time you ripped and article of clothing?

Engorgio: What’s the worst case of swelling you’ve ever experience?

Episkey: If you could heal anyone in the world right now, who would it be?

Expecto Patronum: What’s your happiest memory?

Expelliarmus: Have you ever had to disarm someone? If so, why?

Expulso: Have you ever made something explode? Explain how and why?

Ferula: Have you ever had to wear a brace? What happened?

Flagrate: If you could write one thing in the sky, what would it be?

Flipendo: Have you ever fallen down stairs before?

Fulgari: If you could be bond to one person, who would it be?

Furnunculus: How bad was your acne as a teenage?

Geminio: If you could have a single copy of something, anything, what would it be?

Glisseo: Water slide or playground slide?

Impedimenta: You can stop one person from coming near you, ever, like a permanent, unbreakable restraining order, who is it?

Imperio: You can have one person be your slave for a day without repercussion, who?

Impervius : In the middle of a storm would you rather have waterproof shoes, or a waterproof coat?

Incarcerous: Have you ever tied someone up?

Incendio: Do you like candles? If so, what’s your favorite smell?

Langlock: You can stop one person in the world from speaking. Who is it?

Legilimens: If you had the power to read minds for a day, would you use it?

Locomotor: You can chose one object to follow you around, what is it?

Lumos: Candle, Flashlight, Sunlight, Moonlight, or Bioluminescence? 

Meteolojinx Recanto: What’s your favorite type of weather?

Mobiliarbus: What’s your dream garden?

Molliare: Have you ever made a surprisingly soft landing when you were sure you’d break something? What happened?

Morsmordre: What would your signal in the sky be to mark your presence?

Muffliato: Have you ever eavesdropped on a conversation? What was it about?

Nox: Were you/are you, afraid of the dark?

Obliviate: What’s something you wish you could forget?

Obscuro: What’s a kink that you have? What about it excites you?

Oppugno: You’re about to be in a fight! The object directly to your left is what you have as a weapon! What is it and how would you use it?

Orchideous: What’s your favorite flower?

Pack: When’s the last time you did some packing?

Petrificus Totalus: Have you ever been/felt paralyzed?

Piertotum Locomotor: You can make one  object in your current room come to life, what is it?

Point Me: How easily do you get lost?

Portus: What object would you turn into a portkey and where would it take you?

Protego: You can protect one person from harm. Who?

Quietus: When was the last time you yelled at someone?

Reducio: What’s something you’d like to make bigger?

Reducto: You’ve got one chance to explode something without an consequences. What is it?

Rennervate: Have you ever passed out/fainted before? What happened?

Reparo: What’s one thing you’d like to fix?

Rictusempra: Where’s the most effective place to tickle you?

Riddikulus: What’s your greatest fear? Do you think you’ll be able to overcome it?

Scourgify: What’s something that you should clean up?

Sectumsempra: Have you ever hurt someone? What happened?

Serpensortia: Do you like snakes?

Silencio: How much “quiet time” on average, do you need in a day?

Sonorus: If you had a message you could say to the whole world. What would it be?

Specialis Revelio: If you could have a magical property, what would it be?

Stupefy: Do you think you’d be able to knock someone out?

Tarantallegra: What’s your favorite kind of dance?

Wingardium Leviosa: If you had the power of telekinesis, what would you do with it?

Fire Emblem Fates vs. Siblings Cutscenes Ranked from Least to Most Extra

vs. Xander (Birthright)

  • his cutscene isn’t even that extra it’s just sad
  • he’s putting on a tough face but it’s obvious he doesn’t truly want to fight you
  • most people don’t rly want to fight xander at this point either
  • doesn’t even verbally threaten you or anything (ignore sword)
  • so the purple wave shit and the ceiling crumbling a lil is p wack but in the context of a big boss fight? pretty tame

vs. Takumi (Conquest)

  • the shaky camera angles? wild
  • the omnious pitter-patter of Hoshidan soldiers? wild
  • making said Hoshidan soldiers back away so he can slowly inch towards you? wild
  • “yOU ABANDONED YOUR FAMILY AND HOSHIDO” sudden close up “NOW PAY FOR YOUR BETRAYAL”
  • however, we, the player, expected this
  • if anything this is one of the most controlled scenes we have w takumi in conquest bc he does not call us “nohrian scum” even once

vs. Leo (Birthright)

  • the amount of fucking edge in this video? the audacity of your goth wizard brother? breathtaking
  • it’s a cemetery which is, right off the bat, edgy as hell
  • weird purple vape shit surrounding the graves
  • you don’t even hear his footsteps or the horse this is the scene when you truly realize how much power leo has garnered from the goth gods
  • the pony????? has horns??????
  • orb
  • “the sentence…………………………………….IS DEATH”
  • but using the same reasoning as takumi’s fight cutscene
  • we expected this

vs. Hinoka (Conquest)

  • ok so i feel like most people would argue hinoka isn’t that extra
  • but also consider this: the fucking helicopter
  • so hinoka rides in w her pegasus and that’s fine that’s expected except there are a million sakura petals just fluttering in the wind for some reason
  • JUMPS off her pegasus mid air just floats for awhile and then uses her spear?????? as a helicopter????? i????????
  • gets back on the pegasus ????? ???? ???? somehow ??? ??
  • hinoka’s english va adds a very. surreal aspect to this scene for me and i’m not sure why

vs. Camilla (Birthright)

  • this is the last thing you see right before you die
  • her footsteps???? her boots??????? her booty??????? big anime tiddy?????????
  • when i first watched this scene i was torn between a mixture of thirst and dread
  • why
  • “ah! i see you missed your big sister ;)” “you’re sooooo cute”
  • if you watch this you’re automatically going to hell i’m sorry
  • for some reason this scene never fails to make my depression skyrocket

vs. Ryoma (Conquest)

  • somehow ryoma just sitting solemnly while waiting for you is 100x worse than xander sadly turning around
  • in the general the raijinto is wild as hell but i feel like this cutscene just takes you to the next plane of existence
  • “you………. have done well so far………………. BUT THAT WAS JUST PRACTICE”
  • ok so like is ryoma sad that he has to fight you??? probably
  • but he’s so fucking ready and i feel like nintendo is just. trying very hard to convince us, the players, that ryoma doesn’t want to hurt us but it’s also kind of hard to believe when he gets this into it
  • he’s got his arms out just begging you to try it and you think he’s done but nope
  • ryoma goes on and starts to pose while the room just sets on fire which i feel is the highlight of this scene
  • as a big boss cutscene it’s not the worst thing in the world but it’s. definitely up there
history of the entire world, i guess; a transcript

hi. you’re on a rock, floating in space. pretty cool, huh? some of it’s water. fuck it, actually most of it’s water. i can’t even get from here to there without buying a boat. it’s sad. i’m sad. i miss you. how did this happen? a long time ago, actually never, and also now, nothing is nowhere. when? never. makes sense, right? like i said, it didn’t happen. nothing was never anywhere. that’s why its been everywhere. it’s been so everywhere, you don’t need a “where”. you don’t even need a “when”. that’s how “every” it gets. (pause). forget this. i wanna be something, go somewhere, do something. i want things to change. i want to invent time and space. and i know it’s possible because everything is here and it probably already happened. i just don’t know when to start. and that’s exactly where it started. (background noise) woah. i… paused it. i think there’s a universe now. what’s it made of? quarks and stuff. ah, that’s a thing, in a place. don’t like it? try a new place, at a different Time™. try to stick together because the world is gonna get bigger and emptier. but it’s not empty yet. it’s still very full, and about a kjghpillion degrees. (about no seconds later). great news! the quarks are now happily married in groups of three called a “proton” or a “neutron”. and there’s something else flying around too that wants to join in but can’t cause it’s still to (HOT). (about ten minutes later). great news! the protons and the neutrons are now happily married to each other (some of them even doubled up). (about 380,000 years later). great news, the electrons have now joined in. congratulations, the world is now a bunch of gas in space. but it’s getting closer together and it’s getting closer together and it’s getting closer together. it’s a staaaar. new shit just got made. some stars burn out and die. bigger stars burn out and die with passion! and make some brand new way crazier shit. space dust! which allows newer, more interesting stars to be made, and then die, and explode into even crazier space dust. so now stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things. like this ball of flaming rocks, for example. holy shit, we just got hit with another ball of flaming rocks, and it kinda made a mess. which is now the moon. weather update: it’s raining rocks from outer space. weather update: those rocks might’ve had water inside them and now there’s Hot Steam in the sky. weather update: cooler temperatures today, and the floor is no longer lava. weather update: its raining. severe flooding alert: the entire world is now an ocean. volcano alert: that’s land. there’slifeintheocean. what? something’s alive in the ocean. oh cool, like a plant or an animal? no. a microscopic speck! it lives at the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup which is being served hot and fresh made from gnarly space ingredients leftover from when it was raining rocks or whatever. oh yeah, and it can do that. it has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself. so that’s pretty nifty, i would say. tired of living at the bottom of the ocean? now you can eat sunlight. using a revolutionary technique you can convert sunlight into food. taste the sun. side effect: now there’s oxygen everywhere and the sky’s blue. then the earth might’ve been a snowball for a while, maybe even a coupla times. it’s a sponge, it’s a plant, it’s a worm and some other types of weird strange water bugs and strange fish. it’s the Cambrian explosion. “wow, that’s animals and stuff.” but we’re still in the ocean. hey, can we go on land? NoO. why? the sun is a deadly lazer. oh okay. not anymore there’s a blanket. now the animals can go on land. come on, animals, let’s go on land! “nope, can’t walk yet. and there’s no food yet so i don’t care.” (100 million years later) ok, will you learn to walk if there’s plants up here? “maybe,” said some bugs, and fish. “uh. uh. uh.” (five million years later) “ok so i can go on land but i have to go back in the water to have babies.” (idea) learn to use an egg. “i was already doing that.” use a stronger egg, and put water in it, have a baby, on land, in an egg. water is in the egg, baby, in the water, in the egg. works for me. bye bye ocean. aaand now everything is huge. including bugs. wanna see a map of the land? sure. ah fuck, now everything’s dead. just kidding here are the survivors. keep your eye on this one because its about to become the dinosaurs. here’s another map of the land. yeah, it broke apart, don’t worry about it, it does that all the time. here comes a meteor. and the dinosaurs are gone. its mammal time! here come the mammals. look at those breasts. now they’re gonna dominate the world, and one of them just learned how to grab stuff. and walk. no, like, walk like ‘that’. and grab stuff at the same time. and bang rocks together to make… pointed rocks. “ouch.” and set things on fire. “yeouch.” and make crazy sounds with their voice (“gneurshk.”) which can mean different things. that’s a human person. and now they’re everywhere, almost. ice age. what? you can walk over here? cool. not anymore. i guess we’re stuck here now.

let’s review. there’s people on the planet. and they’re chasing their food. fuck it, time to plant some grass. look at this, i control the food now. now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me. let’s all build houses except mine is bigger because i own the food. this is great, i wonder if anyone else is doing this. tired of using rocks for everything? use metal. it’s underground. better farming was just invented in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers, and the animals are helping. guess what happens next. more food, and more people who came to buy the food. now you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales. and now you need houses for people to live in, and people to make the houses. and now there’s more people and they invent things, which makes things better and more people come. and there’s more farming and more people to make more things for more people. and now there’s business, money, writing, laws, power. sociiiety. coming soon to a dank river valley near you. meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed. why is all my metal so lame and lumpy? tired of using lame, sad metal? introducing bronze, made with special ingredient tin from the far lands of tin land. i don’t know, my dealer won’t tell me where he gets it. also, guess what - egypt. meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse. now we’re getting somewhere. also, china. and did i mention indusrivervalleycivilization. norte chico. the middle east is getting more complicated, maybe because it’s in the middle of the east. knock knock- er, clop clop, it’s the people with the horses? and they made an empire! and then everyone else copied their horses. greeks! ah look, it must be the greeks, or a beta version of the greeks. let’s check in with the indus river valley civilization. they’re gone. guess who’s not gone? china. new arrivals in india. maybe it’s thosehorsepeopleiwastalkingabout or theircousinsorsomething. and they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff. you could make a religion out of this. there’s the bronze age collapse. now the phoenicians can get down to business. also, can we switch to a metal that’s a little easier to find? thanks. look who came back to israel, it’s the twelve tribes of israel. and they believe in god. just one though, he’s got like a ten step program. here’s some huge heads, must be the olmec. the phoenicians make some colonies. the greeks copy their idea and make some colonies. the phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies. here comes the assyrian empire. nevermind it’s the babylonian- median- it’s the persian empire. “wow, that’s big.” ah, the buddha was just enlightened! who’s the buddha? this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we’re all dying. you could make a religion out of this. oops, china just broke, but while it was breaking confucius was figuring out how to have good morals. ah, the greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff. and right over here, alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire persian empire. it’s a great idea, he was…great. and now he’s dead. hopefully, the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them. knock knock, it’s chandragupta, he says, “get the hell out of here, will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants? ok thanks bye; time to conquer all of india- or most of india”. but what about this part? that’s the tamil kings, no one conquers the tamil kings. who are the tamil kings? merchants, probably. and they’ve got spices. who would like to buy the spices? “me,” said the arabians, swiftly buying them and selling them to the rest of the world. hey, china put itself back together again with good morals as their main philosophy. actually they have three main philosophies. out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city. let’s check the greekification levels of the greekified kingdoms: greekification overload! “bye,” said the parthians, “bye,” said the jews. “hi,” said the parthians, taking over the entire place. “heyyyyyyyy,” said the romans, eating the entire mediterranean for breakfast. “thanks for invading our homeland,” said the jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland. “hi, everything’s great,” said some guy who seems to be getting very popular, and then gets arrested and killed for being too popular, which only makes him more popular. you could make a religion out of this. want silk? now you can buy it from china! they just made a brand new road to the world…or you can get there on water. “sick, new trade routes,” said india, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast. hmm, that’s a good place for an epic trading kingdom. there goes buddhism, travelling up the silk road. i wonder if it’ll reach china before it collapses again. “remember the persian empire? yup,” said the persians, making a new one. axum is getting so powerful they would like to build a long stick. has anyone populated madagascar yet? let’s do it together. china is whole again…then it broke again. still can’t cross the sahara desert? try camels. “hell yeah, now we’ve got business,” said the ghana empire, selling lots of gold, and slaves. “hi i live in the roman empire and i was wondering, is loving jesus legal yet?” “no” “actually ok sure,” said constantine, moving the capitol way over here to be closer to his main rival. don’t worry about rome, it won’t fall. it’s the golden age of india. there’s the gupta empire. not chandragupta, just gupta, first name chandra, the first. guess who’s in rome? barbarians. what’s a barbarian? “non-romans,” said the romans, being invaded by non-romans. r.i.p. roman empire. or actually, just half is just fine. but it’s not in rome anymore so let’s give it a new name. the mayans have figured out the staaars. oh, and here’s a huge city, population everyone. the göktürks have taken over the entire eurasian steppe. great job, göktürks. how’s india? broken. how’s china? back together. how’s those trading kingdoms? bigger, and there’s more of them. korea has three kingdoms. japan has a kingdom, it’s the sunrise kingdom.

deep in the arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in muhammad’s ear, so he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods, and he tells them their gods are all fake. and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town. you could make a religion out of this. and maybe conquer the world as well. the roman empire is long gone, but somehow the pope is still the pope. plus there’s new kingdoms all over europe. i wonder if there’s room for moors. here’s all the wisdom, in a house. it’s the baghdad house of wisdom, just in time for the islamic golden age. “let’s bring stuff to the coast and sell it, and become the swahili on the swahili coast,” said the swahili on the swahili coast. remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there? someone owns that now. wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere? the franks have the biggest kingdom in europe, and the pope is so proud that he invites the king over for christmas. “surprise, you’re the new roman emperor,” said the pope, pretending to still be part of the roman empire. then the franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called france and not france. the northerners, or just norse if you don’t have that much time, are exploring. they go north, from the north to the northern north, and they find some land. two types of land, and they name them accordingly. they also invade some other places and get called many names, such as vikings. there’s the rus, the kievan rus. are they vikings? “i don’t think so,” said the kievan rus. ok, fair enough. the pope is ready to make some more emperors of the roman empire, the holy roman empire. it’s actually germany but don’t worry about it. new kingdoms! christianizeallthekingdoms. which brand would you like? “mine’s better,” “mine’s better,” “mine’s better”. “time to conquer england,” said william. it’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s the seljuk turks. “ahh!” said the byzantine empire, who’s getting so small it almost doesn’t exist anymore, “we need help!” they need help, so they call the pope. “hey pope, can you help us get rid of the seljuks? maybe take back the holy land on the way? come on, i know you wanna take back the holy land.” “yes, i do actually want to do that. let’s do a crusade.” crusade. they did many crusades, some of which almost didn’t fail, but at least the italians got some sweet trade deals. goodbye mayans. hello toltecs, goodbye toltecs, hello mississippi. look at those mounds. there’s the pueblo. i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff. guess who’s here? khmer. where? here, and pagan is there, and vietnam unconquered itself, korea just became itself, and japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government. china just invented bombs, and typing. and the mongols just invaded most of the universe. nice going, genghis. i bet that will last a long time! some of the islamic turks were unaffected by the mongol invasions because they were busy invading india. is it tonga time? i think it’s tonga time. i just found out where the swahili gets all their gold. look at this chad (means lake), there’s an empire there, right in the middle of africa. the king of mali is so rich he’s going on tour to let everyone know. “wow, that guy’s rich,” everyone said. the christians are doing a great job of conquering iberia which will soon be called spain and not spain. please remain christian. we will check in later to see if you are still christian when you least expect. whoops, half of europe just died. ming. china’s back, yay. hey khmer, time to share, new kingdoms here and there. oh look who controls all the islands, its the mahajapit. majahapit, mapajahit, mahapajit, mapajahit, majapahit? oh, italy’s really rich, time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics. it’s kinda like a rebirth. here’s a printer, lets make books. so you think you can conquer the byzantine empire? “yep,” said the ottoman turks. nice job, ottoman turks. whoops, you missed a spot; don’t forget to ban europe from the indian spice trade. “what? that’s bullshit,” said portugal, spiceless. well i guess we’ll have to find another way to india. “wait,” said christopher colombus, probably smoking crack, “if the world is round, lets go this way to india!” “nah, don’t worry we already got this,” said portugal. so chris goes to spain. “hey spain, wanna hire me to go find india by going around back of the world?”  “no.”  “please?”  “no.”  “please?”  “no.” “please?” “ok.” so he sails into the ocean, and discovers more ocean, and then discovers ‘the indies’ and ‘japan’. let’s draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world. the aztec and inca empires are off to a great start. i wonder if they know that europe just discovered their continent. the habsburgs are marrying into so many royal families they might have to start marrying each other. move over lithuania, here comes moscow. ivan wants to make russia great again. move over timurids, maybe go invade india or something. persia just made persia persian again. let’s make it the other kind of islam, the one where we thought the first guy should’ve been the other guy. hey christians, do you sin? now you can buy your way out of hell. “that’s bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit, that’s a scam, fuck the church, here’s 95 reasons why,” said martin luther, in his book which might have accidentally started the protestant reformation. “you know what would be magnificent?” said suleiman, wearing an onion hat, “what if the ottoman empire was really big, which it is now.”  “what if russia was big,” said ivan, trying not to be terrible. portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire indian ocean, including the spice trade, and then that dream was real. and spain realised that this is not india, but they pillaged it anyway. “damn,” said england and france, “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.” then the dutch revolt and all the hipsters move to amsterdam. “damn,” said amsterdam, “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.” question one: can you get to india through north america? no, but at least there’s beaver. question two: steal the spice trade. that’s not a question but the dutch did it anyway. sugar. guess where all the sugar’s made? in brazil. stolen! in the carribean, and it’s so goddamn profitable you might forget to not do slavery. the next thing on russia’s to-do list is to get bigger. britain and france are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world, more specifically, ohio. then it escalates into a seven year discussion, giving prussia a chance to show austria who’s boss. but what about britain and france, did they figure out who’s boss? yes they did, it’s britain. guess who’s broke? also britain. so they start taxing the hell out of america.

“fuck you,” says america, declaring their independence, and fighting for it. france helps them win, now france is broke. and britain will have to send their prisoners to a different continent. wait if france is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses? “let’s overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!” said robespierre, cutting everybody’s head off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off. you could make a reli- no don’t. haiti is starting to like the idea of a revolution, especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters. “why didn’t we think of this before?” wait, who’s in charge of france now? “me,” said napoleon, trying to take over europe. luckily, they banished him to an island. but he came back. luckily, they banished him to another island. there goes latin america, becoming independent in the latin america wars of independence. britain just figured out how to turn steam into power, so now they can make many different types of machines and factories with machines in them so they can make a lot of products real fast. then they invent some trains, and conquer india and maybe put some trains there. “hey china,” said britain, “buy stuff from us.” “nah, dude we already got everything,” says china. so britain tried to get them addicted to opium, which worked actually, but then china made it illegal and dumped it all into the sea. so britain threw a hissy-fit and made them open up five cities and give them an island. britain and russia are playing a game where they try to stop each other from conquering afganistan. also the sultan of oman lives in zanzibar now, that’s just where he lives. india had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now. “nope,” said britain, governing them even harder than before. technology is about to go crazy. the united states finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad. “it’s bad,” they decided. and then they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land, and maybe kick out the mexicans too. “i know, let’s rape africa,” said europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest. they never got ethiopia.  britain and france are still hungry. they never got thailand. the united states ran out of destiny to manifest, so they’re looking for more. hawaii. cuba. wait spain controls cuba. “well, blame something on them and go to war! what should we blame on them? let’s blame the maine on spain!” so they blame the maine on spain. now we’re in business. to celebrate, they kick panama out of panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans. britain just found oil in the middle east. it makes cars go. china is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and controlled by a guy from the previous government. europe hasn’t had a war since the last war, so they start world war one. look at those guns. it’s gonna be a great war, so great we won’t need a second one. after it’s over, they blame germany. russia went on strike and the workers overthrew the government. now everyone’s paycheck is the same. communism, in the soviet union. the arabs revolt, and britain helps. now the ottoman empire is gone, so we can give the jewish people a place to live. hopefully the arabs won’t mind. “let’s cut the cake,” said sykes and picot, carving up the remains of the not-so-ottoman-anymore empire. except turkey, turkey makes a brand new turkey. and then the saudis conquer arabia. it just seemed like the right thing to do. hello? yes, it’s the 1920s calling. let’s get in a car and drive to a party and listen to the jazz on the radio and go to the movies. the economy’s great and it’ll probably be great forever. just kidding. germany’s back, featuring hitler, the angry mustache model. he’s mad at the jews for existing. japan is finally conquering the east, and they’re so excited they rape nanking way too hard. they should probably just deny it. hitler’s out of control, so the international community tackles him and tries to explain to him why killing all the jews is a bad idea, but he kills himself before they could explain it to him. that’s world war two. bonus round: pacific showdown, united states versus japan. fight! finish him. let’s unite all the nations and have some world peace. seems legit. “hi i’m gandhi and if britain doesn’t get the hell out of india i’m going to starve myself in public. wow, that worked?” bonus: now there’s pakistan. actually two pakistans. one of them can be bangladesh later. the jews and the arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the holy land. “me”, they both said at the same time. “let’s divide up the land so everyone’s happy.” sike! they both get angrier. look out china, there’s a new china in china. what’s on the menu? communism! “no thanks,” said the other china, escaping to an island. i wonder which one is the real china. there’s the korean war, korea versus korea, nobody wins, then it’s on pause forever. let’s meet the sponsors. oh, it’s the two global superpowers. they’re having a friendly debate over which economic system is good and which is an evil virus of satan. and they both have atom bombs. fight! wait no that would be the end of the world. let’s just keep it cool and spy on each other instead. and make sure we have enough atom bombs. “i’ll race you to space. now let’s make some more countries fight themselves.” europe is tired of pillaging other continents, so the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged. so here’s a new map, with new countries. now you can’t tell who they’re being pillaged by. the united states finally decided whether racism is good or bad. they decided it’s bad, and the world agrees. south africa might need another minute to think about it. let’s check the world population. woah. okay. technology’s better too, that might keep happening. the soviet union decides to relax a little and accidentally falls apart. europe makes a union, so now they can all use the same money; except britain because they don’t feel like it. let’s check the mail. surprise! it’s on the computer! whoops, someone just attacked america, i bet they’ll remember that. phone call, surprise, it’s in your pocket! wanna learn everything? surprise, it’s on the computer! now your phone’s a computer, which is in your pocket. whoops, the economy just crashed. don’t worry, the big banks won’t fail, because they’re not supposed to. surprise, flying robots! with bombs. wanna print a brain? some people have no friends. some people have no food. the globe is warming, and the ocean is full of plastic. “let’s save the planet,” said everybody, not knowing how. “let’s invent a thing inventor,” said the thing inventor inventor, after being invented by a thing inventor. that’s pretty cool. by the way, where the hell are we?

anonymous asked:

Okay but wait if it was Lily's willingness to sacrifice herself to save Harry, why the hell did James's willingness to sacrifice himself to save both Lilly AND Harry not qualify???

ok but imagine it did save both of them and lily had to raise harry alone

  • she emerges from the rubble of her home, limping, her crying son in her arms
  • but otherwise they’re both ok
  • when sirius and remus find her sitting numbly in the front yard she can’t bring herself to tell them about the lifeless body she had to walk around in order to get her son out of the smoldering house
  • they do it for her
  • they pull james’ body from the wreckage, and summon a blanket to lay over him
  • with him laid out like that, lily wonders if harry thinks his dada is sleeping
  • distantly she can hear sirius and remus arguing
  • “i’ll kill him”
  • it takes a glare from lily to shut them up
  • “do you think” her voice is raspy- probably from how much she screamed when she heard james hit the floor
  • she holds harry tighter and reminds herself that, no matter how much it already felt like she’s dead without james, she isn’t and she has someone to live for
  • “do you really think,” she starts again, “that he would want you to do that, possibly get yourselves arrested, and leave harry and i alone?”
  • the boys nod
  • and slowly they sit down on either side of her
  • dumbledore and mcgonagall show up shortly after and usher them all to a new safe house
  • they explain james’ sacrifice 
  • how his love saved them both
  • they didn’t need to though- lily knew that was what saved them
  • they bury him in godric’s hollow, just a few spots away from his parents
  • and they try to continue living 
  • peter is found and sent to azkaban but it still doesn’t feel right
  • nothing feels right to lily
  • except harry
  • so she clings desperately to her son
  • she sends him to muggle school and gets a job at flourish and blotts
  • “i need to do something, remus, i’m so bored while harry is at school”
  • she reads harry stories before bed
  • they have play dates with the weasleys
  • sirius and remus come over every day and eat dinner with them
  • and teach harry how to ride a broom
  • marlene baby sits when lily has to work late
  • they go for walks in the park
  • they get a cat, much to sirius’ dismay
  • and when harry’s letter comes lily wonders if she shouldn’t send him
  • but for all that it took from her- the wizarding world gave her so much too
  • best friends, the wonders of magic
  • james
  • and harry
  • so she takes a deep breath and sends him to hogwarts because she knows it’s where he belongs
  • she meets hermione and the two bond instantly
  • harry writes her every week
  • she goes to every quidditch game 
  • and almost punches dumbledore for allowing her son, this little boy, to remain in the triwizard tournament
  • and finally, when she’s at bill and fleur’s wedding, lily sees- despite the polyjuice potion disguising him- a determined expression on harry’s face is so familiar
  • so much like james
  • so lily lets him go again
  • the next time she sees him is at hogwarts
  • and then again in hagrid’s arms
  • and her heart is on fire because she did not lose her husband, raise harry alone and go through hell just to lose him too
  • so she turns to the man who started all of this
  • but just as she’s raised her wand to finish him, who steps forward but neville longbottom
  • and soon after that it’s over
  • lily holds her son in her arms, strokes his hair like she did when he was little and cries because she truly thought she had lost everything
  • “there’s someone you all need to see” harry whispers
  • they find sirius and remus, he leads them into the forest, and turns a stone three times
  • and there’s james
  • lily is vaguely aware of choked sobs coming from behind her- remus or sirius or both, she can’t quite tell
  • james smiles at her and reaches out his hand to gently brush her face
  • she can barely feel it but at the same time it sets her world on fire just like the very first time he touched her
  • “hiya, prongs,” remus murmurs
  • “boys- you’ve aged well”
  • “shame you haven’t” sirius says
  • james smiles sadly at them before turning back to lily
  • “we never got our proper goodbye”
  • “don’t be a fool james potter- how can i say goodbye to you when you’ll never leave me?”
  • he gives her that look
  • the one that always meant “i love you”
  • “i love you too,” she whispers
  • and then he’s gone again
  • but lily leaves the forest with a small smile on her face because after all these years she knows that he never really was
JOURNAL 3 BLACKLIGHT EDITION REVEALED! (Part 3)

Oh boy. This is it. The final stretch.

Keep reading

Fireworks are Weird

With the approach of the 4th of July, and my own town’s weekend fireworks display occurring in view of my window as I write this, I got to thinking.  

Fireworks would be BAFFLING to an alien races.

I’m not sure which would be worse.  Being taken by surprise by the bright flashes and loud cracks and pops in the sky, panicking because those could only be the first signs of a deadly attack, complete with shells whistling through the air, or seeing people buying the things by the truckload, not just for professional use, but to simply light off in their back yard.

—-

“Human-Steve, what are "Fireworks”?  I see places of business opening out of nowhere with no information or advertisements beyond the single word.“

"Well, they’re.. Hmm.. I guess you’d call them toys, or maybe single-use decorations?  They make bright lights in a bunch of different colors, and loud noises, and we use them to celebrate important events.”

The alien nodded, a gesture it had learned meant understanding.  "Ah, I see.  Digitally projected entertainment.  We have similar devices on our world, though-“

Steve held up a hand, shaking his head.  "Digital?  No, no, no,” he chuckled.  "They’re little explosives.  Gunpowder packed with different kinds of material to burn in different colors when we launch them.“

"Ex- explosives?”  The alien wringed two of its three pairs of hands, putting the other pair on the sides of its head.  "Surely you jest!  I saw families, children purchasing these fireworks!“

"Nah, they’re harmless.  I mean, every year there’s an idiot or two that blows his hand off or sets his hair on fire, but I mean, they’re usually doing something stupid to begin with.”

The alien has no reply to this.  What reply could there possibly be?

YouTuber AU

there aren’t enough of these so I’ve decided to add my own because why the hell not.

  • Percy -mutherfuckin- Jackson
  • His username would be super basic like BabyPoseidon or something. 
  • His video’s would all be about random stories he would make up like “HOW TO SURVIVE AN ANGRY GIRLFRIEND” and Annabeth would be in the thumbnail just flipping the bird to Percy as he runs down the street.
  • “How I Got Kicked Out of (another) Walmart” would be his most viewed videos because he’s been kicked out of multiple Walmarts.
  • Annabeth Chase
  • her channel name would be like Do-It-With-Money instead of like Do-It-Yourself because she doesn’t understand the points or diys but she does them anyway
  • You wouldn’t fuck with her
  • she’d be that one YouTuber kinda like a DIY girl except at the end she’d let Leo set everything on fire because When in the world am I going to need an edible phone case.
  • in most of the backgrounds during her filming you would either A) hear Percy or B) see him running down the hallway to fuck with her filming.
  • “How to Bury Your Boyfriend’s Body” would be her most viewed video because it’s fucking hilarious
  • Hazel Levesque
  • she’d be the new Thomas Sanders. 
  • Do i need to put anything else because i don’t think i do
  • Jason Grace
  • holy shit
  • he’d be the new Bill Nye the Science Guy
  • except either Piper or Percy would be with him at all times and they’d either almost burn his house down or almost kill a gerbil
  • “PERCY I SAID NO GERBIL WHAT THE FUCK WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET A - YOU KNOW WHAT I DON’T WANNA KNOw”
  • he’d try and do makeup tutorials but Piper would come in half-way and just do it for him
  • Piper Mclean
  • She’d do the makeup halloween things but
  • she’d also be the biggest motherfucking prankster ever
  • Leo would frequently help her put freaking baby powder in Jason’s hair dryer
  • “Why I Might Need a New Identity” is her most viewed video because she almost burns down a Target bathroom
  • Leo Valdez
  • He’d be the new gamer and also prankster
  • he’d say this game isn’t scary and then promptly fall out of his chair
  • Calypso would be in the background just like im dating this dumbass
  • he’d also have a weekly cooking show with Calypso where she tries to take it seriously but he’d just like let’s ADD SOME GUMMYBEARS TO THE LASAGNA
  • I don’t think Frank would have one he’d be too busy volunteering at animal shelters and shit
  • but he is in 99% of Hazel’s videos 
  • its practically a collab channel at this point
  • Nico
  • he’d be the angsty gay one
  • except he wouldn’t come out
  • in a Q+A one of the questions would be When are we gonna meet your girlfriend and he’d just fuckin DIE OF LAUGHTER
  • “Do i honestly even look straight to you guys? I mean, phan is a thing right?”
  • Im sorry but i have to add Will
  • because he’d be the one to nurture people on health but in the stupidest ways possible like
  • Way To Not Die #782: Don’t drink Cyanide. Just, don’t? PLease?
  • He’d be in a secret relationship with Nico and everyone ships them
  • they’d always show up in the background of each other’s videos doing the stupidest shit ex: shooting a bow and arrow at a china cabinet or pretending to be a stripper
  • whenever Nico would call him while recording Will would pick up and just scream “WADDUP BITCH”
  • And if he was still recording when Nico got home Nico would either A) kick over his tripod or B) dump a bucket of something on his head

im sorry but i needed to do this

Humans are crazy: research and common industrial use of ridiculously dangerous chemicals

Recently read up on some of the most dangerous chemicals mankind has ever developed and some of the stuff scientists have been able to discover is terrifyingly awesome.

Take Chlorine trifluoride for example. It can basically be summed up as the chemical that can make just about anything ignite.
It is a better oxidation agent than oxygen and can set fire to things most sane people would consider fire proof.

Things chlorine trifluoride can ignite: glass, asbestos, concrete, sand and things that are already burnt.

Imagine an alien coming across information about this chemical.

“Excuse me, I’ve found this entry about a highly combustible compound that has been developed. Would you care to explain its uses? According to these reports it’s far too dangerous for any practical purpose.”

“Ah yes. That’s a very interesting case. The main modern use for the chemical is to clean certain lab and industrial equipment”

“That seems spectacularly over zealous for a simple sterilization agent.”

“Well that’s not what it was originally developed for.”

“Dare I ask what it was supposed to be used for?”

“War. It was developed during our Second World War as a weapon. Thankfully it never saw use due to it being too volatile.”

“Your species development a chemical that can set fire to stone specifically to fight using it. And now you just use it to sterilize equipment.
Remind me to call for a human chemist when there is an order regarding explosives.”

the theater teacher at school runs a dnd club and hes running us through the haunting of harrowstone. my character has proven to be absolutely useless missing every attack i (and my animal companion) make, while also managing to provoke unneeded fights with ghosts. we were checking out all the doors in the hall in order and found a huge room

DM: this room is open and unremarkable except the piles of fabric strewn across the floor. across from you you can see a single skeletal hand reaching up and out from under some of the fabric

me: i cast spark to set it on fire

entire party: NO WHAT IF ITS A GOOD GHOST

me: why in the world would there be a good ghost in here weve been attacked by literally everything since we got here but fine i dont do that

sorcerer: i wanna look around [rolls high perception]

DM: as you look at this boney hand peeking out at you your vision shifts. it seems to be moving, but not moving, but its turning towards you but the hand itself is still but you see movement all the same. the next thing you see is a soft apparition of an older woman, who looks at you incredulously

woman: “what are you doing here? its too dangerous to be here”

cleric: “oh she cares about us!”

witch: “wait is this the wardens wife holy shit”

me: “oh. good thing i didnt set you on fire then.”

woman: [laughs] “its happened before”

me: [sudden realization that she burned to death here] “OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY”

we got ourselves a mess here babe. what i’m saying is there are parts of me you know how to set on fire and i forgot that i was so much forest. all of me aches. i don’t know how to step around this. i don’t know the dance. the thing is i always follow your lead. just teach me. as long as it’s you and me and we’re laughing i honestly don’t care if my future is a closed door; i lived with you in a world of windows and that’s good enough for me.