I was scared to fall for you. I didn’t want to be let down or disappointed again. I let my feelings take over and it blurred my judgement. I was naive. I would have given you anything you wanted and you knew that. You took advantage of that. The day I ended it you said nothing. So I guess that means in your eyes I meant nothing.
“Oh Mutt darling, don’t even worry about Tank! He wouldn’t hurt a fly–would you, big boy?” “BI” “….Unless it landed on me, of course, then he would absolutely destroy it.” “B)”
Mutt has never been the shortest girl in the room before, but hey. Number One is 6′3 without her heels. ((Limousines have a certain amount of high-society pretention about them, even limousines belonging to the Duke. ;) Thus the evening wear haha)) ((I gotta figure out names for them they can’t just literally go by their car names. Can they?)) ((CAN THEY?? 8I))
Connor crunched up the fucking letter and tossed it across his room. Of course Evan Hansen was just like everyone else, why wouldn’t he want to run and tell people Connor was freak. Connor thought that maybe Evan wasn’t like everyone else, maybe he was different. Connor was wrong.
All my hope is pinned on Zoe…
Of course the guy he was in love with loved Zoe, who didn’t love Zoe. Zoe was perfect, Connor wasn’t. Connor knew he was a fucking lost cause, everyone knew it. He just had to accept the fact, if he disappeared no one would miss him, not his family, no one.
God fucking damn it, why was he relating to everything Evan wrote in that letter. That poor fucking kid felt they way he did, Jesus he should’ve stuck around and talked to him. Connor hated himself right.
If I just disappeared tomorrow would anyone even notice or care?
There was a light knock on Connor’s door followed by his mother’s voice. “Connor honey, a boy is here to see you,” Connor pulled himself off the floor, limbs heavy, he made his way over to the door and swung it open. “Who is-” Connor’s eyes drifted past his mother and saw Evan Hansen.
“I-I didn’t know you had a friend honey,” Cynthia smiled at her son and grasped his arm lightly. Connor cringed, god she made him sound lonely and sad.But she seemed happy at the prospect of Connor even talking to someone. “Yeah,” Connor muttered, not looking at Evan or his mother. Cynthia ushered the boy in the striped into the room and closed the door behind them.
“What the fuck are you doing here Hansen,” Connor snapped, he wasn’t in the mood to deal with Evan. He was being a dick to him though, and while it made Connor feel guilty, he was never good with feelings anyways. “I-I um wanted to apologize for the le-letter, I-I didn’t m-mean fo-for you to see it,” Evan whispered. Connor rolled his eyes.
“It doesn’t fucking matter anyways Hansen, you wanna write creepy shit about my sister, go ahead,” Connor glared. “But don’t fucking use it to make fun of me,” Connor said, nastily as he crossed his room to his bed.
“I-I didn’t m-make it to-to anger y-you,” Evan answered. Connor snorted as he chewed on his thumb, why wouldn’t Evan want to make fun of him? Everyone else did, so why was Evan any different “It’s true,” Evan insisted. His eye caught the crumpled up piece of paper in the corner. “It-it’s just something I-I have to do okay…for th-this thing,” Evan tried to allude towards that he too had issues like Connor.
“Look Hansen I don’t fucking care what you meant in that letter can you just…leave,” Connor sighed, the anger fading from his voice. Evan glanced at the long haired teen. “I know what it’s like to feel alone Connor,” Evan said, eyes never straying from the other boy. Connor lifted his head up from his knees and tilted his head, what was Evan getting at.
“And you’re not alone, no matter how hard it seems, someone will come running Connor, someone will find you, so stay safe okay?” Evan told him “And if you need me,” Evan grabbed a slip of paper from his pocket as well as a sharpie, he quickly jotted down his number. “Call me okay?” Connor couldn’t seem to form any words.
“You will be found Connor Murphy,” Evan smiled as he retrieved the crumpled up piece of paper from the floor. Evan exited the room and left Connor with his thoughts and the slip of paper with Evan Hansen’s number on it. If Connor did even try to call him would Evan answer? Was this just pity? Connor didn’t have the answers but what Evan told him struck a chord within Connor.
You will be found Connor Murphy…
Maybe Evan was right, maybe he would be found and maybe Evan was the one who was going to find him.
So I wrote this earlier for my 400+ follower celebration, so thanks you guys for following my blog and liking my writing :)