if you know anyone in the photo please let me know so i can put their name in the info

The Ultimate Guide to POT Dates

POT
noun, (pronounced: pē-oh-tē)
A potential Sugar Daddy. This is a man you have not met yet, but are considering starting an arrangement with, or have been on a date with, but haven’t established anything solid yet. In short, a man who you think could potentially be your sugar daddy, but aren’t quite sure yet.

So you’ve checked out his profile, messaged with him a little, decided he could be the one for you; the main question asked now is - what do I do next?

The answer is simple, but for the Sugar Babies who are new, it’s often terrifying. Using the experience I’ve gotten after being a Sugar Baby for a while, I’ve put together a complete guide on how to handle that very first date, so that maybe it goes a little smoother than mine did! xo

Before You Meet

  • Get a feel for him over messaging/text - There’s nothing worse than being stuck for an hour or two with a man who has an attitude, is full of himself, or is just salty, that’s why it’s important to work out what type of person he is. 
                    ‣ Identifying Factors:
                            - He has a sleezy username on SA: if his username is ‘CunnilingusMaster69′ or something along those lines, it’s blatantly obvious what’s he looking for.
                            - His responses don’t mirror yours: think about conversational mirroring and use it to help you gauge the success of your conversation. It’s a form of social psychology that is pretty important to how anyone is perceived. If you’re typing out paragraph after paragraph and he is replying with short responses (or vice versa), it’s obvious one party is more interested than the other.
                            - He asks for sexual photos: if he’s asking for sexual photos without even met with you for the first time, then he’s got one thing on his mind and it’s probably pay per play. However, most Sugar Daddy’s will ask for extra photo’s, to make sure you’re not catfishing them, so be ready for that request and have extra photo’s you can send that aren’t on your profile (I usually send one cute selfie and a second full body pic in a nice outfit.) Please note: Snapchat ‘puppy’ filter selfies are not appropriate to send as an additional selfie, maybe once you’ve met him a few times, but not prior to a first meet. You’re already younger than him, there is no need to make yourself seem even younger.
                            - He asks you questions of a sexual nature (ie: your favorite position, sexual history, what you’re into, kinkiest desires, etc): there is absolutely no need for tacky sexual questions, especially if you two haven’t met before. It is important to understand that yes, sugaring is based on sex, sugaring is sex work, but it’s not only sex. Sugaring is about companionship, chemistry, new experiences, and then sex. If he requires a detailed list of what you will or will not do sexually just to meet you for the first time, then he is obviously not looking for a sugar arrangement, he’s just looking for pay per play (which is fine if pay per play is what you’re looking for, each sugar baby is entitled to her own wants and desires out of an arrangement).
                   ‣ Tip:
                           - Whenever an SD asks me “what i am willing to do”, i always reply with this. It’s elegant, polite, and successfully moves the conversation to other topics.
  • Get as many details about him as you can - Meeting someone off the internet is always a little unnerving, especially when it’s a man twice or three times your age. To feel safer, ask for as many details from him as you can, then reverse search the information you have (ie: his phone number, email, name, etc.) to find out his address, income, family members, and other information of the sort. The same goes with photo’s, reverse search them to find out company info, criminal history, and if he’s on any other sites (this helps cross-check age, location, and other facts he has listed on his profile).
  • Choose an identity and stick to it - Think about the type of person you want to convey (ie: the struggling but motivated university student, the driven twenty-something, the educated single mother, the urban socialite, etc) and build yourself up around that image. If you don’t feel comfortable using your real name with POT’s, use a fake name. Invent fake facts and stories or recall certain facts and stories from your life that correspond to the type of person you want to be. Remember, the more you have, the better. Most POT’s will ask you to some extent, some more than others, about you (ie: your job, your likes/dislikes, your upbringing, your dreams/aspirations, your background, your parents/their occupation, etc) and you will need to be prepared to answer. On the other hand, be prepped with questions to ask him, this date is about getting to know each other, it’s a waste of time if you leave knowing nothing about him.
                  ‣ Tip:
                           - If you’re struggling with coming up with questions, check out this and this, there’s a large variety of questions that you could use.
  • Make sure he understands that absolutely nothing sexual will happen on this date - There should be no sex on a first date, absolutely nothing sexual. If your POT believes that coffee/lunch/dinner/drinks and a hundred dollars should equal sex in the hotel down the block, then you leave him right there and then. We are ladies looking for gentlemen with the means to provide for us and support us. If he’s only interested in sex in exchange for money, then he’s looking for an escort, not a sugar baby. (Note: if sex in exchange for money is what you’re looking for, then go right ahead and make that cash, every girl is allowed to make her own choices!)
  • Agree to meet in a PUBLIC place - Always meet for the first time in a public place (A restaurant, coffee shop, bar, hotel lounge/lobby, etc) because your safety and comfort comes first! If he invites you up to his hotel room for a drink, decline by saying that is something you would love to do sometime, but would feel better meeting in a public space first. If you starts arguing or does not agree to this, drop him. You don’t need to waste your time on an asshole like him. 
                 ‣ Additionally: 
                          - Have your own transportation to and from your meet! Do not get into his car thinking you’ll save a little cash, even if he was kind and definitely legitimate! Personally: I don’t let POT’s get me an Uber home either, I don’t feel comfortable with them knowing my exact address.
  • Ask for a gift - While this isn’t something that is necessary to do, it’s something that I do. If you’re aiming for a gift, make sure to ask after you have made plans to meet or at least a day before you meet, this gives the POT time to either go shopping for you or go to an ATM for some cash. If you’re aiming for travel compensation, then feel free to ask a few hours before or even during the date, travel compensation is something usually all POT’s will agree to. This or this are the ways I use to ask, either one usually work flawlessly.
                 ‣  Keep in mind
                         - It is not a red flag if he declines to bring you a gift! At this point in your relationship, he owes you just as much as you owe him, which is nothing. If he declines, just say that’s it’s okay and then (if you still want a little cash) try the travel compensation method.
  • Text to confirm - One of the worst things is dolling yourself up and then coming out to meet, only to find that your POT actually couldn’t make it. That’s why it’s important to confirm your meeting a few hours before in a quick little text.
  • Stay SAFE - Safety has always and will always be the number one thing in the sugar bowl which is why you need to make sure you have at least one person who know’s who you’re meeting, where, and when. If you don’t feel comfortable telling anyone you know in real life, message me and I will gladly be your safety contact. In addition to having a safety contact, it is always a good idea to carry around a bottle of mace with you, for creepy POT’s and creepy men in general.

During Your Meet

  • Make an entrance - Often,the first part of the conversation happens before you open your mouth, sometimes it happens before you’ve even laid eyes on them. When you enter any room, have your head up and your shoulders down. Don’t strut, but walk gracefully, swaying your hips gently, you can even look up videos of models on catwalks and learn how to walk like they do. Be dramatic, walk like you’re the center of attention - you’re a sugar baby: you’re young, stunning, and seductive. Pause in the entrance and survey the room slowly, let your eyes to travel from one side of the room to the other, until you locate your POT. It may sound a little silly, but a proper entrance will captivate anyone, especially your POT. Knowing how to walk properly and make an entrance is useful in practically every aspect of your life, not just in sugaring. 
  • Keep the focus on them - I’ve noticed that POT’s (and SD’s in general really) love to talk about themselves, some SB’s will even go as far as to say that these men don’t care about the things you say unless it directly relates to them (in my experience this isn’t always true, it depends on the man). Try to find a way to refocus the conversation about him, you will easily become his favorite person to speak to.
                ‣ Additionally:
                         - If he shows pride, you give praise. If he says something, then pauses, and looks at you significantly, he’s waiting for the applause. Be there to give it to him. You don’t even have to think what he did was impressive. You just have to be there ready to dispense a pat on the back  Do not be over dramatic, smile, look impressed, and stroke his ego.
  • Pay attention when he speaks - Be engaged in the conversation: ask questions to further your understanding of the topic, make comments to indicate that you are paying attention, laugh a little to signal that you are having fun, smile to show that you enjoy being in his company, and make eye contact! If you look a person in the eye, it signals that you not only hear what they’re saying but are interested in it. If you have to look away do it slowly, this reinforces your interest and enjoyment of what you’re hearing.
  • Don’t fidget - It ruins your credibility. Often, stillness is compared with integrity. Those that can look someone in the eye and sit still are usually believed over those that try to say something while squirming in their seat. It’s important to have good posture as well, don’t slump in your seat and if you do, catch yourself and correct your posture. 
               ‣  Don’t worry:
                        - Your hair looks fine, your clothing fits you well, and your phone will not explode if you don’t check it for an hour. Your main focus should be your POT, not the little things about your appearance.
  • Relax - You might be a little nervous over the first date, but chances are, he probably is too! Some SD’s are nervous the first time meeting, this might be due to the fact that you’re much younger than he is or he might be downright intimidated because of your looks. Your job is to make him feel at ease and the easiest way to help him feel at ease is to be at ease yourself. People play off each other’s energies and your body language speaks volumes, so try your best to just relax.
  • End on a good note - End the date with a hug or a handshake (or a kiss on the cheek, if you like him), something physical so that you touch and it leaves him wanting a little more. If you went out for lunch/dinner, tell him how thankful you are for taking you out, how much you loved the food, and how he has great taste in restaurants

After Your Meet

  • Assessing him - A person’s appearance and demeanor speaks volumes about them. Observe not his wallet, his cufflinks, or his shoes, but his mannerisms, his eloquence, and his overall conduct. Many good sugar daddies may not look the part, but they will act it. There’s no forcing chemistry, so it’s best to figure that out right away before delving deeper.
                  ‣ Questions to think about:
                         
    - Does he ask you first what you want to eat?
                         - Is he interested in what you’re saying?
                         - How does he talk about his family, his employees?
                         - Is he nice to the waitstaff?
                         - How much is he tipping?
                         - Were your personalities compatible?
                         - Did you have a lot in common?
                         - Was it easy to hold a conversation with him, or were there awkward silences?
                         - Is this someone you’d be comfortable being seen in public with, going on vacations with, and generally spending time with?
  • Send a follow up text - If the date went well, shortly after you meet (a few hours or a day, at most), send the POT/SD a text saying that it was a pleasure meeting him and you’d love to see him again. When (or if) he responds, you might be able to schedule your next date!
  • Think about your loses - If the date didn’t go so well, you got a free coffee/lunch/dinner/gift. If your POT contacts you and asks you out again, decline politely and wish him luck finding what he’s looking for.

Allowance Talk - Yes Or No?

There’s a lot of disagreement on whether or not you should speak about allowance with your POT on a first date. I’ve had POT’s bring up numbers over text/on the phone/email (prior to meeting and after meeting) and during coffee/lunch/dinner/drinks. In my opinion, let him bring up the allowance talk.

  • If he does, express your desires concerning allowances, gifts, and how the arrangement will work. Most arrangements end due to schedule conflicts and misunderstanding expectations, be clear about what you want. 
  • If he doesn’t, that’s completely fine too. You’ll most likely speak about it on your second date or over some electronic format.
  • If you touch on the subject but you notice he’s not too keen on delving into it at the moment, leave it alone. This sends your POT the message that you’re more interested in a suitable arrangement than the money, as well as that you are nowhere near desperate and while you are interested in him, not overly so. This lack of overt interest gives you more control of the relationship from the get-go. It also shows that he cannot control you or gain your interest with his money alone. This makes it easier for you to discuss the terms of the relationship, set boundaries, and negotiate your allowance later on.

What to Wear

Men are visual creatures, they love eye-catching arm candy, but most prefer elegance or casual classy to outright flashy. However, showing all your goods on the first meeting is not a good idea. Choose one thing to show off, this leaves his imagining and wanting more. Keep in mind where you’re meeting, as well. There’s no need to go all out if you’re just meeting for coffee.

  • If you’re meeting for coffee - Jeans and a pretty blouse will be just fine, top it off with flats or boots and you’ll be good to go. If it’s warmer out, a sundress is perfectly acceptable too.
                ‣  Keep in mind
                        - Meeting a POT for the first time in shorts is not appropriate, there is no need to play up the age difference between the two of you, even if it is hot outside.
  • If you’re meeting for lunch/dinner/drinks - A formfitting dress will do you good, especially if it’s dinner or drinks. Complete the look with a nice pair of heels and some jewelry, if you’re having trouble figuring out which jewelry to wear with what, check out this!
  • Makeup - Keep the makeup light and natural, opt for neutral colors rather than darker ones. Get your nails done, fill in your brows, foundation, mascara, light colored eye shadow, and lipstick/lip-gloss is all you’ll need. I prefer to top up my look with a slightly red nude lip (since my lips are full and the color makes them pop more), even though most SB’s suggest to stay away from all red’s.

So there you have it dolls, an ultimate guide to POT dates. Feel free to add on your own tips! Keep sugaring, dolly xoxo

🏆Award for WORST EXO fan goes to fromplanetexo.tumblr.com

Wait, I lied. Maybe that EXO fan who threatened to bomb that Big Bang concert is slightly worse than you…

The saga started when @amaxing-yixing made this post about how Yixing has been flying around like a nut job (get those air miles) trying to do his best managing Exo schedules while trying to make a name for himself (and make and maintain a name for EXO) in China. Partial screen cap here:

So this fanatastic EXO fan reblogs the above post and drops a one liner that I screen capped below ⤵ Btw, racist one liner is this person’s signature move. Source. 

This is her profile on her blog.

Dear Ara, the ❤  and ~ and (^.^) doesn’t suit you. For future reference, whenever I say “a pile of poo” aka 💩 I am most likely referring to you → @fromplanetexo ← because your comment stinks of racist and hate. Therefore you don’t deserve to be called by your name. Being 20 years old you’d think you would have garnered enough life experiences to not be such an ignorant bigot.

Anyhow, feeling ever so lightly offended I replied back with a point by point long af post (why did I waste my time…) and I welcomed you to write back anything you had to say so we can have a objective discussion. And much to my surprise, my efforts were ignored. Maybe it was due to lack of balls to write back anything >1 line explaining your stance? Yet you had time to make another one liner in reply to NOT my post but someone else’s blog post ⤵ Talk about passive aggressiveness. Source. 

I have a life outside of the internet and I’m a nice person. So I ignored the comment above. Time went by and then yesterday, you reblogged yet another post and dropped yet another signature one liner ⤵ Source. 

I will not ignore this because third time is a charm/three strikes and you’re out. Btw, I only found out about this because @getlayd, who I follow reposted it with her lovely reply here. I don’t actually stalk you. I don’t find going through your blog and reading your offensive yet shallow comments fun. Anyway, here goes my not so lovely reply:

WOW. Dear 💩 how are you? Life must be hard hating all the time no? 

I’m actually really glad I saw your comment because I wanted to write another long af post but I didn’t have the drive. Now I have the drive. In reply to: 

1) your first racist comment: see my logical explanations here that you didn’t rely back. You may also want to read this and this from me and this from @laymerence via @elaysium but you probably won’t. 

2) your second comment re. Lay only care about himself and he ‘brushed off’ Tokyo: So you’re telling me Yixing is selfish because he likes to stay in China and get Chinese cash money because he’s Chinese right? 

If Lay is selfish and if he has half a brain, then he would have/should have attended the Japanese tour purely from a monetary POV. On the days of the Japan concerts, what was Yixing doing? Filming for the TV series To Be A Better Man (TBABM). What does that mean? Allow me put it in a form for you to better understand: 

Mad ¥¥¥ cash money from 7 dome (aka BIG) concerts (1 Fukuoka, 3 Tokyo & 3 Osaka)  >>> ¥¢¥ from a supporting role in a Chinese TV series. 

He was not promoting himself or any of his movies during those dates because Yixing had in fact before, set those dates aside for the concert because he planned to and wanted to attend them. Don’t believe me, go to any Lay website and see his schedule.

Also, are you a big EXO fan? Then maybe you’ve see Ep. 15 of EXO Channel? Please tell me what you saw. Here is the link in case you haven’t. 

I’ll tell you what I saw, I saw the boys, including Yixing very much so looking forward to Japan Exo’luxion concerts. As this episode was planned to air right before their Osaka concerts, they had messages to Osaka fans and even learnt some phrases in the Osaka dialect. 

Also, please note that the boys are dressed in the clothes they wore for the A-Nation concert, which means this was taped on Aug. 30th. Please also note that Lay signed onto the Chinese TV series TBABM before that (proof: Lay attended the TBABM press conference where his role was announced on Aug. 19th). So if you think Yixing didn’t/couldn’t ask for those dates off before he signed the TV series contract or if his team/SM didn’t think of/couldn’t figure out how to book dates off around Japan concert dates (like they did for all the Exolu’xion dates before Japan, during which he filmed 2 movies and a variety show) then you’re clearly senile.

Also, the only concert date he didn’t plan ahead for was the Nov. 1st Fukuoka date as that was added on last minutely. And guess what…drum roll…Yixing wasn’t even in China on that day. He as actually in Seoul, South Korea. Don’t believe me? Go here for photos of Yixing at Incheon airport leaving for Beijing to attend the Ex-Files 2 Premier for Nov 2nd in Beijing. So please tell me what selfish Chinese activities was he doing in Korea? I’d like to know thanks! Also I’d like to thank SM as he clearly could have attended that concert.

For whatever reason, be it filming dates changes beyond Lay’s control or any potential SM actions, you and I probably won’t know and won’t ever know. I just hope you can see that Yixing is not the selfish asshole you make him out to be.

Aside note: you only mentioned Tokyo Dome in your comment. Did you forget Osaka by any chance? And please answer me what exactly is the big deal about Tokyo Dome? The prestige to be invited? The size of the venue? Well guess what, business is a business and that means things boils down to, you guess it, cash money. Dome owners invite music acts they know can fill the stadium and EXO has demonstrated that they can. Name me any other kpop group debuting around EXO’s time or later that can do this. Also, just what was so special about the Tokyo Dome Exo’luxion concert now that it has already happened? Did we see a completely different Exo’luxion? NO. Was there any brand new concert concepts? Any significant new acts or change in choreography? NO NO and NO. Was it an Exo’luxion leg in a very large stadium in Japan? Yes. The only differences were: the boys wore a new set of clothes (but they have been getting new clothes throughout Exo’luxion legs), Suho and Sehun showed their abs (probably for the Tokyo concert DVD). So please, stop making missing the Tokyo Dome like it was the end of the world. You can also read this.

3) your third comment re. Lay should just leave and he should stop causing drama:

NO, YOU’RE THE ONE CAUSING THE DRAMA. MAYBE YOU SHOULD QUIT YOUR RACIST HATEFUL COMMENTS ON YOUR BLOG. 

As well, you know why SM made EXO right? To break into the Chinese market. Last time I checked (a min ago), China’s population 1.357 billion > South Korea’s 50.22 million (note 2013 info from wiki so China population may be even more > SK as we know SK’s birth rate is at an all time historic low ‘kay). So good luck with getting that Chinese money SM wants once your one and only Chinese oppa left like you wanted to.

While you continue with your hate, what is Yixing doing in China? Winning awards and thanking EXO. He attends the Macau concert with an inflamed eye and still performed his heart out. He sincerely apologizes for not being in Japan (because he was doing his job) in Macau and you choose to hate him more (see comment 3 above). WTH do you want from this boy?!?

I sincerely hope you had fun reading this. At least I’m driving more traffic to your blog right. Goodbye Ara prototypical passive aggressive person who puts down other people’s bias so you feel good about yourself and whoever your bias is. If I were your bias, I would be ashamed of you. 

Also, If anyone disagree with anything I’ve said please get back to me and let me know. I’m a very reasonable and logical person. I’ll correct myself if I’m wrong or got my facts wrong. I also certainly don’t bash your biases because I’m a racist hateful 💩.

Edit: I toned down the 💩. I’ve never called you stupid, dumb or worse derogatory terms for your opinion. You lashed out on Yixing for being Chinese and that is the definition of racism. I called you a bigot and ignorant because that is how your comments present yourself to the world. And you’re passive aggressive because not once did you reply to myself or anyone else that wrote back. Instead, you continued with your hate in your tiny lil’ bubble of a world.

ATTENTION POC that are into fitness and/or health. I made a post recently talking about the lack of representation I see of us in the fitness community. As I said in the post i will not make claims as to why that is, but I’d like to figure out ways to give us more recognition. Its become very clear that I’m not the only one who feels this way, so I’m coming up with ideas to provide us with a space to uplift each other on our health & fitness journeys and show support. One of these is a way that most people use to raise awareness of any sort, and thats through a hashtag. I decided on #fitnessincolor after trying to find a tag that wasnt already heavily occupied with random shit and failing numerous times. Im also not crazy creative when it comes to names and all that so just accept it lol. The tag appears to already have content regarding POC and fitness, more so on IG than tumblr so at least its still relevant. The only way we’ll see a shift in our representation and accessibility to others is if we do it together. The hashtag is a way to support this. Instead of searching high and low to find very few blogs we can simply tag our photos and posts as #fitnessincolor and let ppl find each other. What I’d like to do is come up with some masterpost (or multiple posts - details figured out later) of different blogs ran by POC that can cater to different health goals. This is not a space that will be strictly about lifting or even working out in general. If you live a healthy lifestyle through food and/or personal choices then this is for you as well. It also isnt limited to those that look like your conventional fit, because as we know thin and/or muscular is not the only fit out there. So all shapes and sizes will be supported, and all journeys are welcome….whether youre just starting or are almost at your goal. But the only way we can make this work is if the hashtag is used on posts. To help make the masterpost happen I ask for yall to message me, be it through an ask or fanmail, telling me what you do (lift, yoga, cross fit, etc), the type of diet you have (vegan, vegetarian, etc), and your racial background (this is optional but some people like to follow ppl of similar backgrounds). Im asking for this information so i can place blogs into categories, because not everyone may be interested in weight lifting but some may be interested in something like yoga or martial arts. As a bonus, if you could also tell me your goal that would be great and maybe what you identify as (female, male, trans, etc - totally optional as well, i dont want anyone to feel uncomfortable). Regarding the former, I’m on a journey to put on weight through muscle. If your goal is weight loss then cool. If its strength goals then awesome. Whatever it may be let me know. I feel like it’ll help people filter through pages a bit better as well. Also, you dont have to follow me to be part of the post. So dont feel obligated to do so. Obviously I wont be able to list every POC on this website (& I’ll list those I already know of), so by all means create your own lists or let me know if some lists already exist so i can reblog them. I’ll also include blogs that are already aimed at POC in fitness/health. The hashtag, again, is super important in organizing posts and making our pages easily accessible. So please reblog this so we can spread the word. I hope this becomes a success and if it does I ask y'all to be patient with me because I’ll be doing everything through my phone for the time being. Even if it doesnt take off, those that do submit info will be put into a post regardless. There is no quota to fill with this.


Additionally, I’ll be tagging a few blogs i follow (fitness related or not) that I know for sure have a good amount of followers. Hopefully, they’ll be kind enough to reblog this and understand why I’m making this request. Aside from all that, good luck with your fitness/health goals and tag those posts for more visibility!

Yours truly, fit-lioness


fitally jewsquats queenprotein carpephuckingdiem heavens-to-murgatroid dopest-ethiopian yung-eastafricangirl thegirlwithcaramelskin themarzipanvolta


(feel free to tag other blogs as well if you know of any popular pages)