if you knew my stepdad you would realize how weird this is

I need u - Taehyung

Originally posted by jeongtaev

I Need U - Taehyung

Pairing: Taehyung x reader

Genre; Drama, Romance

Word Count: 4.131

Summary; based on the MV “I need u” with you as the lead


“Hello?” you answered the phone next to your motel bed. It was dark, which meant you had been sleeping almost all day and there were only a few people who knew where they could reach you. “Y/N?”

“Taehyung?” you wasn’t sure as your head wasn’t really clear yet and he sounded weird. “Ye, it’s me, I need to talk to you.” you quickly checked the time and knew something was really wrong. “What’s wrong?”

“No not through the phone, I will come over.” you sighed and sat up not even trying to make some effort. You waited for Taehyung to arrive and when you  heard the knock, you finally got up to open it but stopped when you saw Taehyung completely covered in blood, it was a terrifying thing to see, you quickly pulled him inside the room and made sure he sat down on the bed whilst you collected water and towels. “What happened? Are you hurt?” were the first things you fired at him when you kneeled down in front of him, checking to see if he was hurt but apparently this blood wasn’t his.

“I did something bad.” You nodded because seeing this you had guessed it and you had a feeling it had something to do with his stepfather. “Did you hurt him?” he nodded as the first tear fell on your hand, you sighed again and pulled him on the floor with you and hugged him tightly to your body and let him cry, you often wondered how you all became friends and when did it all turn to hell. “What did you do Tae?”

“I killed him.” you couldn’t let him see that you were shocked because he was upset enough as it was, the only thing you could think about was if he had checked to know for sure his stepfather was dead but you couldn’t ask him this. “It’s okay, we will make sure nobody will know it was you.”  you sat back and wiped away the last bit of blood that had been on his hands. You pulled his shirt over his head and gave him a new shirt, which fitted him luckily “We will call the others tomorrow but for now just sleep okay.” you got up and he immediately laid down on your bed, which meant you had to sleep with him in the same bed because there was nothing else you could sleep on except the floor but you weren’t going to do that and Taehyung needed the comfort, so this would be okay right?

The minute you laid next to him, after checking to see he was asleep, you turned your back towards him and closed your eyes, only to wake up to the sunlight that came through the window and you weren’t even shocked to feel Taehyung against your back, he had pulled you into his arms in his sleep, you turned to look at him and you felt his pain, you reached out your hand and gently stroked the lines of his face, which made him open his eyes, he smiled at you but the smiled never reached his eyes.

“Let’s call Jin.” this made him pale and that surprised you “What’s wrong?”

“We can’t call Jin.”

“Why not?”

“He got into a car accident.” He was quiet after that and that’s when it sunk in, that’s why he had called you but why hadn’t he said anything about this even though he had something else on his mind. You immediately got up from the bed and pulled on your shoes. “Which hospital does he?” your question got stuck in your throat as Taehyung shook his head sadly. “You forgot didn’t you?”

“What did I forget?”

“He died a few weeks ago, remember?” You just stared at him wondering why he was talking such nonsense. “How is that possible, I recently saw him.” You were hesitating when you saw his face, he actually was pitying you, which had to mean something as he was in much bigger problems.

“Yoongi told me that there was something wrong with you a few days after Jin died but I didn’t think you still don’t want to acknowledge that Jin Hyung actually died.” you shook your head slightly in denial but he looked so serious that you had to believe him “Really?” you mumbled and he nodded his head and got up from your bed and grabbed your shoulders and pushed you in front of a mirror and when you looked at the girl in the mirror you were shocked to see someone looking so unhealthy. It was as if you finally could grasp what happened around you and that’s when you realized that you hadn’t been in contact with any of the others.

“Tae, what happened to us?” you asked in a small voice because there had to be a reason why you stayed in a motel but you just couldn’t remember anything, it was like your brain had been on shut down the last couple of weeks. “After Jin died, the group couldn’t handle it. You locked yourself away and didn’t even attend his funeral, Jungkook walked away from home and also got into an accident, Yoongi Hyung died in a fire, Jimin tried to drown himself and Hoseok Hyung overdosed but they are still alive, they are just in a mental hospital and Namjoon Hyung died in an explosion at the gas station.” You must look completely in shock to hear about this and you wondered how it could’ve gone so wrong in so little time.

“Can We visit Hoseok and Jimin?” you asked him completely forgetting that he just killed a guy “We can but I don’t think I should go out right now.” that’s when it hit you. “Shit.” You let yourself fall on the ground knowing that you had to turn it around, you had to take back control of your life and first you had to help Taehyung by finding out of his stepdad really had died and after that you had to visit Jimin and Hoseok and lastly you had to take care of yourself. “We need to check the news to see if there was a report of what you did.” he nodded and turned on the crappy tv and luckily for Taehyung there wasn’t any news about the guys that had been stabbed, which meant he was still alive so now you only had to check hospitals. You pulled on your shoes but Taehyung stopped you “You should take a shower first.” he smiled gently at you and you immediately felt embarrassed because you really must look like a real mess.

You quickly took a shower and pulled on some clean clothes, it did make you feel better, you quickly dried your hair and pulled it in a messy bun and walked out of the bathroom to a waiting Taehyung and the minute he saw you, he finally smiled at you but it still didn’t reach his eyes, which wasn’t weird because your heart also felt heavy from everything you just heard and you still couldn’t fully believe it but there wasn’t sounding any insincerity in his voice when he told me about the others, so there was nothing to do then just to believe him. “Let’s go.” you grabbed his hand and together you went to different hospitals and as you were about to give up, Taehyung asked at the last hospital if they brought in a guy with stab wounds and they actually nodded. “We do, do you want to know his room?”

“Please.” she gave us the number and we slowly walked towards the room where you spotted his mother. “Tae, your mother is in there.” he walked up behind you and looked over your shoulder, he was trembling but you weren’t sure if it was out of rage or something else. “Are you okay?” he nodded but he was clearly not okay but you knew that this wasn’t the time to press it. “Go talk to your mom.” you opened the door and quickly pushed him inside, this was really important and now he could see with his own eyes if he had become a murderer.

“Are you okay?” You turned around and looked at a doctor, who was looking at you worried and you couldn’t blame the guy. “I’m not but I will be.” you tried to sound convincing but he just shook his head. “Do you want to talk?” you check to see if Taehyung was okay but he was hugging his mother so you probably had some time before he would come out of the room. “Do I have to?”

“Yes you do.” he walked away and there was nothing else to do than to follow him into his office. You sat down and waited for him to talk but he was still busy observing you and you tried to smile but failed miserably as the nerves took over. “When did you last eat?” Why did he need to start with a difficult question because to be honest you really didn’t know when you ate for the last time.

“I don’t know.”

“Do you want something to eat?” your stomach was already growling when he asked when you ate for the last time so you nodded shyly and he actually got up and grabbed a cup ramen noodles, which he put in front of you and before you could stop yourself you stuffed your mouth full, your manners were long gone as you ate the noodles while being aware of the fact that the doctor was staring at you, whilst writing things down.

“Did something happen that you stopped eating?”

“Apparently my best friend died in a car crash,” you told him realizing that you sounded as if you still thought as if it wasn’t true. “Why do you sound as if you don’t believe it?”

“I just have a hard time to accept it. This morning my other friend told me about everything that had happened the past weeks but I can’t remember anything about it but I do believe him but I think I’m still in denial.” you know you were self-diagnosing, which must sound weird but all you could do was focus on the delicious meal in front of you. “I do think you are in denial and it’s not a good thing. You should be able to grief instead of denying that he died. Did you have a certain relationship with him?”

“He was like my older brother, he was the only one that never walked away from me.” you smiled at him but he shook his head slightly and his expression was sad and worried. “I think you need help.”

“Aren’t you helping me now?”

“I am but I’m not a psychologist.”

“I’m not going to see a shrink, doc.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t have a lot of money, I even life at a motel, so I will see this as therapy.” He was quiet for a while but you saw that he already had made his mind up. “Okay, I want you to come once a week, okay?” You nodded your head and got up because Taehyung must be worried by now “Wait a minute.” he quickly gave you his card, which you put in your pocket “You can call me whenever you need okay and please eat.”

“I promise, I really have to go now.” you walked into the hallway and wasn’t surprised to see Taehyung walking around in panic “Tae!” you called his name and he immediately turned around and pulled you in his arms. “Please don’t disappear like that okay.”

“I won’t I promise but are you okay?”

“Ye, He isn’t dead ad he won’t press charges.” that on its own was a miracle as he did stab him but it was a good thing because there was no way you could lock Taehyung up or even worse.

“Tae? Is it really true what you told me back at the motel?” He nodded and hugged you a little harder “I’m sorry for neglecting you.” you shrugged because, to be honest at least you were still alive. “Can we visit them?” he knew what you meant right away and he nodded “Let’s go.” together you walked to the memorial of your four best friends, the minute you stepped inside the room, your heart started to beat like crazy, it was like it finally started living again and as you inhaled oxygen, you had trouble to see. “Tae I can’t.” you were out of breath and you knew that this was a panic attack “Y/N just focus on my voice okay.” you tried to nod which was really hard to do and as Taehyung took your hand he pulled you and sat you down. “It will be okay just try to calm down.”

“I can’t.” was all you could say and now you knew why you had denied their deaths because you couldn’t handle it, the way they died you knew about it all, as you had been informed about it by their family but the reality of losing your family was too hard as you literally had no one else except them, as you were an orphan, this was also a reason why you lived in a motel, you didn’t really have a lot of money. Your train of thoughts stopped when you felt hands on your face, this made you stop panicking and as you opened your eyes, you looked straight into Taehyung’s eyes “Just focus on me, it will be okay.” you did exactly what he said and within a few minutes your breathing went back to normal. Taehyung brushed a few lost hair strands from your face “Are you okay now?” you nodded hesitantly but it was enough for him to help you up and guide you to the guys. You could only stare at the pictures of your friends, these were pictures from when you all were still happy and carefree, you touched the glass of each and mumbled sorry for being late to all of them, you stopped at Jungkook’s and that’s when the first tear fell. How in the world could he be here, why didn’t he come to you?  Even in the state, you were in, you would have taken care of him.

“This is my fault isn’t it?”

“Of course not JK run away from home and got in trouble and as he crossed the road a driver went through red and well you get the picture, there was nothing you could have done.” he rubbed your back gently as you nodded. “Let’s go visit Jimin and Hoseok,” you said after a while. One thing you did know for sure, you would return a lot of times to spend time with them and mostly to apologize.

The mental hospital was somewhere hidden from the public eye and as you got off the bus you couldn’t help but love the surroundings, they were in the middle of nature which must be soothing for the patients. As you walked to the entrance you started to feel nervous because you should’ve been here already. “Tae, do I have to be worried?” He shook his head and smiled at you and this time he looked more at ease.

“They will be happy to see you.”

“Are you sure because I wasn’t there for them when I should have.”

“Don’t worry.” he opened the door and ask the nurse if it was okay to visit Jimin and Hoseok, she actually smiled at him and nodded, giving him two visitor passes. “Are you ready?”

“I am.” together you passed the security door and walked into a visitor room and within minutes the door opened to show two handsome patients. They smiled when their eyes landed on you and in a matter of seconds they had pulled you in their arms. “We missed you,” they mumbled together and that made you smile because even though they were here they were still together, at least they had each other.

“I’m so so sorry,” you mumbled in tears but they stopped you from crying right away because they knew that once you started there wasn’t going to be an end. “We understand, Taehyung told us that you had a difficult time to accept what happened.” you nodded and silently thanked Taehyung for telling him what had happened.

“You did lose a lot of weight, are you eating?”

“I started eating today, a doctor gave me ramen noodles.”

“You need to eat, what would Jin say if he found out that you weren’t eating.”

“He would scold the hell out of me.” you smiled at the memory of him scolding us if we skipped a meal. “He would right.” Hoseok ruffled your hair a bit. “Please don’t leave us again.”
“I won’t, I promise but you guys have to promise me something as well.”


“Don’t try to kill yourself again, I really can’t live without you, you’re my family.”

“We promise.”

“How much longer do you need to stay here?” you asked them curiously because they must’ve been here for a while now and they really didn’t look ill. “We are getting discharged in a few days.”


“Tae, take care of Y/N okay?” Taehyung nodded and promised them he would take care of you and with that visiting hour was over and you had to say goodbye. With a hug, you left them and went back home together with Taehyung, it was again the motel room but maybe you could now start to look for a proper house where you could all live. Taehyung made you stop at a convenience store to get some things to eat and drink, he paid for it, which was good because you really didn’t have any money.

After dinner, we sat down in front of the tv and just watched a random movie together, when you finally started to feel tired. Your head was resting on Taehyung’s shoulder, which felt nice and safe. You had always felt like this with Taehyung and you were happy to see that this had not changed. “I missed this.” he suddenly confessed and you had to agree even without knowing your body had betrayed you the minute he walked through that door covered in blood. “I missed you too.” you felt the air shift, he turned so you head to lift your head from his shoulder and now he was sitting opposite from you but he was so close that you felt a warmth spread through your body.

He stretched out his hand and touched your cheek, which was probably red by now. And next thing you know he grabbed your waist and pulled you on his lap and hugged you tightly. “I’m glad that you are almost back to normal.” he mumbled against your ear, sending shivers down your spine “thank you for coming to me.”

He pulled back and gazed into your eyes and you knew what would be coming next. He gently pushed his lips against yours and without hesitating you kissed him back, time had stopped while you kissed each other, he deepened the kiss and put his hands in your hair, your hands were on his chest `and without any doubt you pulled his shirt over his head and he followed your example really fast, within seconds you were wearing nothing more than your underwear. He lifted you and laid you down on the bed and he just stood there staring at you, to say you felt a bit shy was an understatement, as you did lose a lot of weight but the way he looked at you didn’t show any resentment, it was like he was waiting for you to give him permission. “Taehyung I need you.” you stretched out your arms and that’s all it took.

The next morning you woke up in Taehyung’s arms and that’s when you thought back to last night and you couldn’t help but smile. It had been truly amazing and maybe we were brought together because of the tragedy of losing family members but it was all you needed. You needed his arms to feel safe and to feel loved and that was exactly what he did last night. Loving you. “Tae? Do you want to get some breakfast?” you whispered against his lips and as he kissed you back, your heart felt as if it was going to jump out of your chest.

“Yes I’m famished.” he stretched his body which gave me a good view of his perfect body. “Wipe your drool.” he poked you in your dimple when he said that, clearly teasing you but you still wiped away the imaginary drool. The next few days went by fast as you tried to get hold of your life again together with Taehyung. You paid a visit to the memorial every day, you talked to them about the old days, you also gave the doctor a call and he really helped you out, he did give you medication for your depression and they really helped but you tried to go without them and only take them when you really felt down but with Tae next to you it was almost impossible, it were only the hours he wasn’t there that you felt really down. You had found a house to live with the others as well.

The day that they were released Taehyung and you were waiting for them outside the building and the minute the stepped outside you were in each other’s arms hugging and crying at the same time. You talked so much about everything that had happened that at the end of the day you were all asleep in the car in front of the house. Taehyung was the first to wake up and woke you all up.

“Welcome home!” you told them as they walked in but they stopped when they saw the huge wallpaper. It was of us all together at the beach, it was the best picture you could find and you didn’t hesitate to hang it up. You all stood there looking at it, the atmosphere changed from happy to sad and then it became calm. “Thank you.” was all they mumbled and you just nodded. “Come I will show you your room.” you guided them through the house and opened a door to a pretty big room, there were two beds, “I thought you would want to share a room.”

“This is amazing, how did you get the money.”
“I didn’t, Taehyung paid for it,” you confessed embarrassed. They didn’t judge you though as they started to unpack their stuff. You quietly left the room and walked straight into Taehyung’s arms. “Stop worrying, they will love it.” you nodded against his shoulder and from that moment it was like old times, well almost like old times. Jimin and Hoseok, joined you every day to the memorial and within days you were finally able to go back to work and before you knew it, the year had passed by since they died but instead of going to the memorial like we did every day, we decided to do something else.

We drove up to the shore where we spend a lot of time, just playing around. You arrived when the sun started to go under. We just stared at the horizon from the car, as if we needed the courage to get out. You sighed and opened the door first, the others followed soon after you got out. You took the sky lanterns, four to be exact and took them with you to the highest point, which looked out over the ocean, the guys followed you quietly. You all looked at the horizon and thought about everything you had done together and as the wind was blowing through your hair, it was like they were here as well. “Let’s lit the lanterns.” You whispered and you silently lit them. Together you held them up and waited until the sun was completely under and that’s when you let them go. You held hands as you stared after the lanterns.

You know you were crying just as the others were crying. It was like they were here too, to say goodbye. “Thank you for everything, thank you for taking me in and taking care of me, I will never forget you as long as I live, I will miss you guys,” you said under your breath as you watched how the last lantern disappeared from sight. You looked at each other and you all bowed towards the ocean to pay your last respect, the minute the last light was gone you turned around and walked away without looking back.

Originally posted by jimelody

Is this Happening? Chapter 7

Is this Happening?

A Harry Styles Imagine Series


Chapter 7: Paparazzi

Your POV

I woke up to the vibrating sounds of notifications from my phone. Memories of last night and the morning flooded back as I laid in bed, taking it in. 

Italy. Milan. I’m in Italy. Harry FLEW me to Italy.

I turned over on the California king size bed to see Madeline holding a body pillow, sleeping peacefully. I scanned the huge suite that Harry reserved for us for the weekend, it was beautiful. Classic luxurious. Madeline and I were so tired, that even though we slept on the plane, we were still jet lagged, so we we came back to the room and just crashed after we had breakfast with Niall and Harry.

I grabbed my phone from the side table.
6pm. Holy shit. We’ve been knocked out for six hours.

I had 10 unread text messages and 5 missed calls. Crap.

A few messages were from Ollie, crap I should probably tell him I’m not in the country, he’s probably freaking out.

Me: Hey Ollie, sorry I haven’t answered you! Madeline and I spontaneously went to Milan for the weekend, I won’t be back until Monday night so take notes for me okay? You’re the best!

A few messages were from Harry trying to wake me up, and one from my father. 

Dad: Call me back, as soon as possible. 


I looked at my missed calls:

  • Oliver Grant
  • Harry Styles (3)
  • Father

I climbed out of bed and went into the living room so that I wouldn’t wake up Madeline. After a couple rings, my dad finally picked up.

Me: Hi Dad, what’s going on?

Dad: I’m glad you called me back, your mother and I miss you and want to come visit. 

Me: I miss you both too. When are you planning to come? Because to be honest, I’m in Milan for the weekend…

Dad: What? Since when? What about school? Why?

Me: Dad, one question at a time. Calm down. I got in this morning, after I took my midterms. It was a surprise trip from a friend… Madeline is with me, don’t worry.

Dad: Which friend? Well… As long as you’re safe. Your mother and I are flying to L.A. this week for a few meetings, but we want to come to New York after and see you.

Me: That sounds great. Anyways, I have to get ready. See you next week, send my love to Mom okay? Love you!

Dad: Be safe. See you next week.

Madeline came out of the room yawning, and stretching her arms in the air.

“Who was that?” She asked in a sleepy voice.

“My parents are coming to New York next week…”

Madeline woke up immediately, “What? Really? Why?”

“They didn’t say why other than the fact that they miss me… But knowing my dad, I know it’s about something else and he won’t tell me over the phone, he’ll just drop whatever bomb he has in person…” 

“Don’t worry about it much, let’s just have fun this weekend! I can’t believe it’s almost 6:30 at night! Have you heard anything from Harry?”

“Oh shit! I didn’t even check his texts yet and he called me three times.” My heart raced a little as I clicked on his text box.

Harry: Good afternoon!
Harry: Did you know that koalas sleep 18-22 hours a day?
Harry: Y/N!
Harry: BOO! WAKE UP!
Harry: We should be done by 7, be ready for us to pick you up by 7:30.

I bursts out into laughter when I saw his texts.

Me: I’m not a koala! I’m just jet lagged! :P That’s different! And yes, we will try to be ready by 7:30… We just woke up!

I told Madeline that we were being picked up in an hour. Her eyes grew and she ran in the bathroom to take a shower.

- - - - -

“Y/N! Madeline! We’re so glad you’re here!” Perrie said as we climbed into the van, I noticed that their security was going to be following us.

We said Hi to everyone, and settled in our seats, Harry was driving and Niall was in the passenger seat in front.

“This is my amazing girlfriend, Eleanor!” Louis introduced us as she waved.

“Hi! I’m Madeline! Oh my gosh! I’ve always wanted to meet you!” Madeline said as she shook Eleanor’s hand.

“I’m Y/N! Nice to meet you!” I loved Eleanor too, both Madeline and I think she’s so pretty and perfect for Louis.

“Ladies! Are you ready for a night at the Naviglio Grande?” Niall asked as we settled into the van, which I now realized we only fit because Sophia, Eleanor, and Perrie were all in their boyfriend’s lap. 10 people in one van. This night is going to be one to remember.

- - - - - -

We all walked along the Naviglio Grande, which is a large river in Milan with restaurants, bars, and stores all along it. The guys had reserved us a table to eat on a nice boat, which ran along the river. 

As we ate dinner, we all talked and laughed and finished off 5 bottles of wine.

After two hours on the river, we were all tipsy and wanted off the boat. Zayn, Liam and Louis hinted that they wanted to spend some alone time with their girlfriends, so we all agreed to split up until midnight, which gave us about an hour and a half. 

Harry and Naill accompanied Madeline and I as we strolled along the streets of Milan. I saw that a silent, black and white film was being shown against the side of a building.

“Oh wow… I want to watch that.” I said as I gazed up at the big picture showing.

Niall and Madeline sat down on a bench and talked about a YouTube star that Niall loved and kept bragging about, since she covered a lot of their videos, and was trying to load some to show Madeline.

Harry took my hand in his, “Come on. I want to show you something.”

Harry took me to the side of a building and pulled down the metal stairs that was half hanging.

“Harry! What are you doing? Are you crazy?” I asked as I looked at him with wide eyes.

“Just about you!” He teased, “Do you trust me?” He said as he held out his hand.

I hesitated for a second, and then grabbed his hand.

About five minutes later we were at the top of the building, Harry guided me to the far side and pointed across the street.


And sure enough we had a perfect view of the silent movie. 

“Wow this is amazing,” I said as I scanned the city’s skyline, “I can’t believe I’m here… with you.” I exhaled.

“What do you mean you can’t believe you’re here with me?” Harry turned to look at me.

“Not in a bad way, it’s just crazy. I never thought that I would be in this position. Hanging out with you! One Direction! In Italy! It feels surreal… But in a good way.” I explained as I took a step closer to him.

Harry took a deep breathe, “I missed you. And it’s crazy because I just met you not even two weeks ago, and you’re the only thing I think about. I didn’t want to go another week without seeing you, so I decided to bring you to me. Of course I knew to wait until you finished midterms.” He put his arms around me and kissed the top of my forehead.

“Well I’m glad you did.” I pulled back and gave a sly smile, “I mean I guess I missed you…” I joked and poked his left dimple. 

The next thing I knew Harry planted a light kiss on my lips, he turned me around so I could watch the movie and put one arm around my waist. 

“So what do you want to do after you finish school?” He asked me after 15 minutes of watching the movie, playing footies, messing with my hair and joking around with me.

“I’m not sure yet. My dad wants me to do one thing, but I want to do another, my mom suggested I do both but I know I wouldn’t enjoy my life if I do both.” I trailed off, not sure if I wanted to let Harry know anything yet.

“And how about your tour? Are you excited? Back to back tours! That must be intense.”

“Yeah it’s a lot of work, flying from here to there, and all over constantly. I miss my sister a lot, she’s my best friend. I miss my mum and stepdad. I’m kind of glad that we get to spend some times with our families near Christmas.”

“Yeah well that’s good. That’s two months away, not too long.” I lightly squeezed his hand.

“Hey so tomorrow night, I’m going to take you out, just you and me.” He told me as he we headed back across the building.

“But Madeline…”

“Is going to hang out with Niall.” Harry winked at me, “He probably already told her.”

I wanted to kiss Harry, right here on this rooftop. So right before he took a step on the metal staircase, I lightly pulled his hand and pulled him towards me.

I looked up into his eyes and he leaned down, when our lips touch, fireworks went off inside me. The kiss was slow and passionate. Harry’s hand came up to the side of my face and slid his fingers into my hair, as my hands came up to his chest. His lips were cold but soft, and as his tongue slipped inside my mouth, I could taste the red wine that he was drinking earlier. I felt light headed, as if I was getting drunk on his lips, I didn’t want him to stop kissing me.

Harry let out a soft moan, and his hands slowly slid down the side of body and then around me. I felt him smile and then suddenly dipping me down, and continued kissing me like they do in the movies. It was exhilarating, shivers were sent down but spine, but then we both started laughing, and he pulled me back up.

“Y/N, I have never felt this way about anyone before.” He admitted as he kissed my forehead.

“I haven’t either.” I said quietly.

“I want to be honest with you now. The last few girls I dated, they didn’t end so well, I mean I’m friends with some now, but I never felt the spark with them like I do with you, that’s why my previous relationships only lasted a few months. I didn’t find them worth the trouble of making long distance work.” He explained to me.

“Really? I always wanted to know why you it ended with Taylor and Cara… and Kendall… which is funny because I like really liked you and Kendall.” I started rambling.

“What? Wow really… weird. But no, I realized that we were better off as friends. But I don’t want talk about them. I like you, a lot Y/N.“ 

As we walked back to the van, Harry held my hand in his. Niall and Madeline came up next to us.

“Where did you guys disappear too?” Madeline asked with a teasing tone. But before I could answer we were bombarded with paparazzi and fans.

Harry and Niall didn’t want to be rude, and of course they love their fans, so they took pictures and signed a few autographs. Ten minutes later Harry’s phone went off, I’m assuming it was one of the other guys wonder where we are, Harry quickly apologized and said we will be there soon.

Paparazzi kept asking Harry and Niall who Madeline and I were, and they kept snapping pictures left and right. We all just remained quiet and continued walking.

As we approached the van, the others were waiting outside for us, and the paparazzi started having a field day, snapping pictures of all of us loading into the van.

Liam chuckled, “So this is why you guys were late.”

“Yeah mate, there were fans and we didn’t want to just run, so we took a few pictures. Then pap kept following us.” Niall explained.

“Oh well let’s go back to the hotel, you girls can join us in our suite and hang out.” Louis suggested as he held Eleanor in his lap.

- - - - - - - - 

The guys’ suite was down the hall from ours and it was twice the size of ours, with 2 bedrooms.

“Shit.” Harry said as he looked at his phone.

“What is it Harry?” Zayn asked as he took off his coat.

“Pictures are already every where.” He showed Zayn.

Everyone began to take out their phones and scroll through the internet.

“Y/N, oh my god!” Madeline exclaimed as she pulled me to her side.

“Oh, fuck me.” I said as I covered my mouth, looking down to see a picture of me and Harry kissing on the rooftop and saw the article titles. My head started to spin.

  • Who’s Harry Styles’ mystery girl? Is she the same girl from New York?
  • Harry Styles and his new fling Kissing in Italy!
  • Does Harry Styles’ have a new girlfriend?
  • What does Taylor and Kendall think of Harry Styles’ new girlfriend?

“What? What is it?! What’s wrong?” Everyone asked as they started coming towards us. Harry took Madeline’s phone from my hand.

“Damn it, Y/N! I’m so sorry.” He apologized as he scrolled through the articles, he looked frustrated.

“NICE KISS!” Louis started laughing.

“OOOOOOoooo…” Perre, Sophia, and Eleanor chanted as they looked at all the pictures.

“How come you’ve never kissed me like that Harry?” Louis joked.

“Shut up Lou.” Harry punched him lightly.

I covered my face in complete embarrassment. Harry took my hand and pulled me to the side.

“Y/N. I’m so sorry. I know this a lot for you… I’m so so sorry.”

“Harry it’s okay. Really. I just- How the heck did someone take that picture? We were on the roof!” I felt my face turning red.

“Well it seems like they were in the building across or something, because the picture looks zoomed in…” Liam said.

“Sorry Y/N,” Niall began, “Welcome to life with One Direction: constant paparazzi, crazy awesome fans, and weird rumors.”

“Well first off, you’re not just a fling, understand that. Two, I’m going to keep quiet and not say anything about you until…” Harry trailed off.

“Until we figure out what this is…” I whispered so no one else could hear. 

Harry nodded, “We can talk about it tomorrow, okay?” Harry kissed my forehead and guided me back in the living room.

“OKAY! Everyone! Phones on the table.Screw the media tonight. Whoever touches their phone first before the night is over is buying everyone dinner tomorrow.” Niall said as he put his phone on the table.

We all just wanted to have fun tonight, so we all put our phones on silent and placed them on the table.

“What if the manager comes looking for us?” Liam said as he placed his phone down.

“He is downstairs. If it’s that important he will come to us.” Zayn said nonchalantly.

The guys pulled out a case of beer, two bottles of vodka, and soda.

“I am the Master at Mario Kart.” I said as I looked through their game collection.

“WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?! EXCUSE YOU?” All the guys said at the same time.

“She really is though, I bet money on it.” Madeline said proudly as she sat down next to me.

“I challenge you, right here, right now.” Niall put his finger down on the table.

“ME TOO.” Harry raised his hand in the air like a child.

“I am the best one out of all these guys… So…” Louis said as-a-matter-of-factly.

“WHATEVER! SHUT UP! I AM!” All the guys said and pushed Louis.

“I dare you guys to play drunk Mario Kart, that would definitely determine who’s champ.” Perrie joked as she took a sip of beer.

“DEAL.” All four of us said at the same time.

“Okay let’s play King’s cup!” Madeline suggested.

“What’s that?” They all asked.

“An american college drinking game, I need a deck of cards and everyone needs a drink in their hand,” then Madeline proceeded to explain the game.

After three rounds of King’s cup, the first which Louis lost, and second Niall, then last was Madeline, the girls all were tired, drunk, and wanted to go to bed, so they all headed back to their suites. 

Louis, Liam, and Zayn went to change so that they could join their girlfriends later.

“Okay let’s play before I head down to Eleanor’s room. I need to prove I am the king at Mario Kart,” Louis slurred.

“You wish!” I said as I passed out remotes to Harry and Niall. Madeline decided to head back to the room first.

After three intense games of Mario Kart, two that I won and one that Louis won. We all decided to turn in.

“Not bad Y/N. But you know you only won that last time because I’m drunk and tired…” Louis said.

“Oh excuses! You never stood a chance against me!” I hugged Louis from the side. “I’m really tired so I’m going to sleep now.” I told the guys.

Harry walked me down the hall to my room and kissed me good night, apologizing again for the paparazzi.

- - - - - - - -

After I went into the room, Madeline was laying in bed on her phone.

“So… I have something to tell you.” Madeline started.

“What? What’s up?” I asked as I changed out of my clothes.

“The guys all know about you Y/N.” Madeline sat up.

“What? What do you mean?" 

"You know that YouTuber that Niall was going on and on about?”

Shit, I immediately got nervous, “Yeah…?”

“Well it was you!” Madeline cheered.

“What? Did you tell him it was ME?!” I panicked.

“NO! Of course not, but apparently the guys all love your channel and they watch all your videos all the time. They love your covers.”

“Shut up." 

"Y/N… What do you expect? You have over 5 million subscribers. Half of them being One Directioners, of course some of their fans, including me, tweeted your videos to them!”

“YEAH BUT I DIDN’T THINK THEY WOULD WATCH!” I covered my face. “You sure Niall and them don’t know it’s me?”

“Of course not, that’s what Niall kept going on about, wanting to know who ‘sincerely_heartstrings’ was. Apparently the guys all love your covers and have been following you since you started. They ALL want to know who ‘the girl with the pink bow on her guitar is.”

“Shut up…” I stared at her in disbelief.

“They love all your covers of their songs. Seriously, you should tell Harry.” Madeline suggested.

“No way…”

“Why not Y/N? He obviously really likes you… I know you’re afraid of getting hurt again, but I don’t think Harry is anything like your ex.” Madeline took my hand in hers.

“But even if I do tell him, that’s not even ALL of who I am. It’s such a huge secret that only my parents and you really know who ‘sincerly_heartstrings’ is. Then there’s the thing with my parents.”

“Maybe it’s time for everyone else to know. You’re already so famous on YouTube, but no one even knows who you are because you just keep the camera angled at the guitar. You’re amazing and you should embrace it.” Madeline was so supportive and confident of me.

“What happens after I tell people who I am? My life would change." 

"Is that such a bad thing babe? You’re a genius and you’re amazingly talented, gifted and beautiful. Believe in yourself, let yourself shine. I’m not saying all this because I’m your best friend, I’m saying it because it’s true,” Madeline said as she laid back down and covered herself up with the blankets. “Just sleep on it okay?” Madeline turned off her lamp.

I turned off mine and settle into bed as well.

I don’t know what to do. Should I tell Harry?

- - - - - - - - - - - 


Hope you guys liked it! LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! I was really nervous about this chapter.

<3 M

So here’s a little story for you. When I was 8 my family moved into our first house (that wasn’t an apartment). We were extremely thrilled that we (my mom,stepdad, and I) were finally able to live in our own home with a backyard and front yard and more rooms than we actually needed. Even though it was a rental, it felt like we finally owned something. I remember my dad took me on his walk through, he worked for a major construction company so he knew what to look for and what to document. A walk through, for those who aren’t familiar, is when a renter/buyer documents any flaws in the house so they don’t get charged for it later. Stepping into that house was when I first realized something was up. The house had this really eerie feeling to it and I don’t know if this is possible but honestly I associate that house with the color grey. Every memory I have of that house has this weird grey/gloomy tone to it that I can’t explain. Anyways, as my dad walked through the house things seemed normal, a few cracks…some uneven shit, you know, the norm. When we reached the backyard we noticed a large random portion had been unevenly cemented over next to the porch. My dad stated that it was a poor attempt at an add-on and we moved on. As weeks went on my mom joked that the previous owners had hid a body under the cement, and we all joked about it but, honestly I felt like we all secretly believed it. Months went by and we settled into our new home. At the time we had introduced Chloe and sassy, my dogs, into the family. Just puppies at the time, any weird puppy antics were brushed off as them being, well puppies. We didn’t really take notice to them barking at random corners of the house and chasing things down the halls. It was a relatively new house so we never gave into the whole haunted thing because ghosts don’t belong in new houses! Anyways, there was this random ass wood floor thing in front of my door, and only my door, which was weird because we had tile. Every time someone walked over it, it made this creaky wood noise which isn’t exactly the weird part. The weird part is that randomly through the night it would make that noise when nobody was in my doorway. I always assumed the morning after that it was my dogs walking over it and I was just too tired to realize it. These thoughts changed when I had a friend over for the first time. It was a sleepover, and as I was sleeping I was shook awake violently by my hysteric friend. She told me that she heard footsteps coming into my room but there was no one there. At this point I was scared out of my mind and I ran straight to my parents room. They told me that it was probably the dogs and to go back to sleep, I didn’t believe them but I went back to my room anyways. My friend refused to stay at my house “for a single minute longer” and made me walk her back to her house. When I got back I felt like I was hearing all these noises so I ran back to my room shut all the lights on and stared at my door until morning.
After a while I got used to the creaking sounds and dismissed them as the house settling or some other bs excuse. This all changed when I was sitting next to the window that overlooked the uneven cement platform. Remember that? The butt of my family’s weird ass dead body jokes? Yea well I was sitting at our dining room table when I suddenly feel like someone is watching me. Like you know that feeling when someone is in your line of vision but isn’t at the same time? That’s what I was feeling. I looked up expecting to see my mom in the backyard or something but to my surprise the backyard, and all its creepy murder coverup glory, was empty. Random cliche ghost shit like this happened continuously throughout our time living there. My mom would go on and on about how she didn’t feel safe there and still does to this day. The last event I remember happening in that house was when one night I was studying in my room when I heard a loud screeching noise and a bang on my window. My heart had honestly stopped that day as I stared wide eyed at my window. In that moment I had believed that my 10 year old life was over and that my soul had transcended into the atmosphere. I mean this is an understatement, I was completely scared shitless. My parents rushed into my room to check on me , then rushed outside. The neighbors truck had randomly un-breaked itself, sloped backwards, ran over our bushes, and stopped directly in front of my window, only knocking the front of the house just slightly enough to create a noise. Or neighbor wasn’t even home at the time and we were beyond puzzled as to how this even happened. Had the car gone any further it would have crashed into my room. At this point I think we were all just done with this house and its antics so the moment an offer came up for a new house we took it. A couple months later we moved out. Monthly I will have reoccurring dreams about this house where everything is boxed up and all the houses around it are gone. I will wander through the house, which has this weird black and white tone to it, I will go in every room, then go to the backyard. Each time the backyard is missing the cement slab, and then the dream ends.

MINNESOTA RECAP... two weeks late...

I apologize for being the slowest updater ever. Because I am stuck with my old iPhone 4S… it is basically incapable of uploading photos without crashing, therefore I have to upload them to my computer first and clearly that takes me 100 years. ANYWAY. 

Remember that time the boy and I drove from Colorado to Minnesota for my best friends wedding? AND for him to meet most of my people? Yeah, this was almost two weeks ago now, but I need to share the deets with y'all (under the cut because this update is massive). Before this trip, Jeff had only met three of my people. THREE. My long-time best friend/roommate since the 4th grade, a friend I met through her, and one of my college roommates who came to visit (and the only one so far might I add). 

Keep reading

The Family We Choose, or: why I chose the 1D fandom as my safe space

About a week ago, a coworker of mine who likes 1D and I were chatting. I mentioned how frustrating it is to see infighting in the fandom, and how I try not to contribute to the animosity and prejudices present here. How much it breaks me heart to see, that sort of thing.

To which she responded, “It’s just 1D, dude.”

Which. Ow? That hurt, for some reason. It stung to be invalidated like that.

And for a minute I had this sort of crippling self-doubt–was I wasting my time here? I’m an adult (sorta), shouldn’t I be off getting obsessed with some band called, like, Wig Bastard Funeral and joining some kind of beer-lovers society, or something? (‘Cause, yeah, I live in Portland. That’s a real thing.) Maybe take up pilates? Fuck. What was I doing?

Then I remembered what brought me here.

February of 2011, I started dating this guy. He was…well, he was no good. Good family, good background, but a bad person. I was young and smart, but my confidence was at a record low, and I attracted bad intentions maybe too well. I fell for the idea that many people do, that somehow it’s only love if it’s a fight.

Yeah, not quite.

Keep reading