if you haven't seen this stupid show i'm sorry for your life

Strawberry Kisses

So I have written this fic for billyiscoolerthanyou because she won my little contest from a while ago!

Her prompt was: Dan feels depressed and has an eating disorder and Phil finds out. (Ending will be cute) ———————————— One… two… three… four… Dan was counting the little leaves he plucked off the strawberries, one by one. It was a hypnotizing occupation, actually. The smell seemed more amazing than ever before. Five… six… seven… ‘Dan?’ Phil’s voice went through his whole body and full of shock he dropped the strawberry on the ground. Quickly he picked it upagain, but didn’t eat it. He hadn’t even heard Phil coming in. 'Phil, what’s up?’ 'Why have you been sitting here for twenty minutes, looking at that strawberry?’ 'Excuse me!? I have eaten them, too, weirdo.’ That was a lie, and he felt Phil knew.  'Then why are there no less strawberries on the plate?’ Phil spoke, pointing at the plate on their living room table. 'I bought more this morning and just put them on the plate, too. It looks so ugly when the plate’s only half full, that’s the reason.’ 'Oh, okay.’ Phil sighed. 'I’m unexpectedly going to eat in town with Louise now, do you feel like coming with us?’ 'Nah, sorry man, already got plans.’ 'With who?’ It was quiet for a moment. 'The internet, very romantic,’ Dan tried to joke it off. 'That’s stupid. You haven’t seen friends like Louise for so long! Well, anyway, if you feel like coming, we’re at the Cat Café.’ Phil went to leave but just before the door he stopped and turned around. 'Dan, please eat that freaking strawberry, you’ve been holding that for minutes now.’ And with that, he left. Dan didn’t eat the strawberry. —– Fuck, he’d lost count. Where was he? Eighty-five? He’d probably been doing this too long. He picked up the strawberries with their plucked leaves and wrapped them in some toilet paper and threw them in the garbage bin. The toilet paper was necessary, as otherwise Phil would find out he hadn’t eaten them but thrown them away. This is what he had done with most of his food for the last four months.  Now it was time to weigh himself. Phil was in town again with Louise, so he didn’t have to be too secretive. It was three days ago when they went to th Cat Café and Dan couldn’t help but feel a little put aside, even though it was mostly his own fault. He walked to the bathroom and opened the little cupboard in which the scale was placed. There was a toothbrush on it, which Dan shove aside. He then took out the scale, stepped on it and closed his eyes, waiting for it to show him how heavy he was. —– One hundred twenty. One fucking hundred twenty pounds. He hadn’t even lost that much weight. Disappointing, to say the least. He placed the scale back in the cupboard and went to his room. Just then he realized how much he hated other things counting him, measuring him, telling him what he was. He shove his curtains aside and starting looking outside. London. The weather represented quite well how he felt. Cloudy, grey, the sun trying to shine through but not succeeding. Sometimes thoughts of simply jumping out of the window wandered through his head. It wasn’t that he wanted to die, but he just didn’t see the joy in living anymore. Everything was fucked up. He looked awful these days. Fat, tired and sick. Often he felt guilty for not finding the motivation to upload more videos. And then there was Phil, who made things so much better and so much worse at the same time.  Hopelessly in love. That was all there really was to say. Phil was the first and last thing he’d think about everyday and the fact that Phil would often rather go out with friends than stay at home with Dan was hurting him. It was absolutely normal and realistic for Phil to do that, but still Dan often felt forgotten and less loved by Phil than before. The definition of that 'love’ was unclear to Dan. They were best friends, but sometimes Dan thought there was more. Their cuddles just lasted a little too long. But then again it may just be wishful thinking. —– Fifty-seven, fifty-eight, fifty-nine… twelve o'clock. Phil had said he’d be home by twelve. Dan couldn’t help but always wait for Phil to come home when he’d gone out. Not that he’d let Phil know, he’d do it secretely by simply staying awake in bed until he’d hear Phil enter their apartment. He just had to be sure Phil got home safely. Probably because Phil was the only thing in his life that could sometimes make him smile and actually feel good and he just had to be sure that his only source of gladness was sage. Pathetic, he thought of himself. Phil’s an adult, not a kid. Stop treating him like a baby. He isn’t a baby. He isn’t your baby. He isn’t yours. Just as he got lost in his own self-destructing thoughts again, as he’d do every night, he heard a door click. Then something fell on the floor. Now he was sure it was Phil, as Phil would always drop something on the floor when he came home. Some kind of undiscovered and useless talent. But Phil was home, and now he could sleep. —– Three knocks. Dan groaned. What the fuck? He had finally fallen asleep. Was this death to tell him his life was finally over? 'Dan?’ Suddenly Dan was completely awake. He looked at the clock and saw it was only one o'clock. 'Phil, what’s wrong?’ Dan sat up straight in his bed. 'You’re asking me!?’ He sounded angry. 'What the fuck? Phil, I haven’t done anything and it’s midnight! If you won’t explain then go away please.’ 'If only you gave me the time to explain!’ 'Can’t it wait till the fucking morning?’ 'No!’ Dan didn’t feel like yelling back again. Not at Phil. Phil was never angry, especially not with Dan, so this kinda scared him. 'Let’s talk in the living room, Phil.’ 'No, let’s do it here. Dan….’ Phil sighed. 'Why are you destructing yourself?’ Silence. Dan could count the seconds, but didn’t. More important things were happening. 'What are you even talking about!?’ 'Dan, I’ve seen for months you’re not well. But since this week it’s going downhill so fast…’ 'Excuse me!?’ Dan so didn’t feel like having this conversation. Phil shouldn’t and wouldn’t know. 'Dan… I- I’ve seen it. The scale. I mean, that you are trying to lose weight.’ 'That’s fucking bullshit!’ 'You moved the toothbrush. That I placed on it. So you have weighed yourself. A lot, actually. Don’t lie, I know.’ Dan was shocked. Stunned. Numb.  'Dan, I only want to-’ 'WHY do you interfere with my life!? Just keep your head out of my business Phil!! I can’t believe you!’ 'You’re skinny. I don’t want you to kill yourself.’ 'Please get out of my room. How dare you!’ 'Dan, please-’ 'I said get OUT. You clearly don’t give a fuck about my privacy or me-’ And that’s when Phil walked, almost ran from the door towards Dan and forced his lips on Dan’s. Rough, yet full of love. Angry, but so soft. Their lips slided against each other and the feeling warmed Dan up inside. Phil grabbed Dan’s neck and automatically Dan’s hand went to Phil’s back. They bit each other’s lips and grabbed each other harder to be closer. It was very wet and full of all the emotions they had both recently felt. Suddenly Dan felt tears rolling over his cheeks. Phil probably tasted the salt in their kisses, as he looked up to see Dan crying. 'Phil… I’m so confused.'  Phil hugged Dan, who placed his head in the crook of Phil’s shoulder. 'I understand, Dan. Fuck, why do you destroy yourself? You’re so precious. So amazing, so full of love and kindness.’ 'I don’t know, Phil, I don’t know.'  'You have weighed yourself more than fifty times. I counted.’ 'Please don’t count everything I do. Ever. Not anymore.’ 'I can’t promise that if you’re still doing that yourself.’ 'What do you mean?’ 'Dan, can’t you see? You are the only one measuring yourself, hating you. That’s because you measure everthing about you. Not because other people or other things do that.’ 'I can’t stop counting, Phil.’ 'Maybe not. But you can stop counting that. You should start counting other things.’ 'Like?’ Phil kissed him. 'Like how many kisses I will give you from now on each day.'  Dan smiled. 'Or how many times… I make you laugh!’ And with that Phil started tickling Dan’s tummy. 'PHIL! PHI- STOP!!’ Dan laughed and Phil stopped. 'Or… how many times I will tell you I love you?’ Phil spoke, with slight hesitation. 'Why was there a question mark?’ 'Because I wasn’t sure how you’d react…’ 'I love you, Phil.’ 'I love you too, Dan.’ They both smiled. —– 'Phil?’ 'Yeah?’ It was twenty minutes later. They’d just been sitting on Dan’s bed, talking calmly and sometimes share little kisses. 'Will you stay here with me? Tonight? Just to- sleep?’ 'Yes, under one condition…’ 'Which is?’ 'Wait here.’ Phil stood up from the bed and walked out of the bedroom. A minute later he came back with a strawberry.  'Eat this and then I’ll stay here for the night.’ Dan hesitated. 'For me?’ Phil added. Dan smiled. 'Okay…’ Phil handed him the strawberry, which he ate, while still smiling. 'Tastes good.’ Phil snuck in the bed besides Dan and pulled the blankets over the both of them. 'We’ll get through this, Dan, together. I love you.’ 'Seven.’ 'What?’ 'You said you loved me seven times today. I counted’
SENTENCE MEME ~ SAINTS ROW IV VERSION
  • "Your file has been most interesting to read, ____."
  • "You tell anyone about that and I will rip every last resistor off your circuit board with my teeth."
  • "We're tight. We go way back."
  • "Oh. Wasn't worried..."
  • I don't wanna come off as a gushing fanatic but I've really enjoyed your work."
  • "Oh are you an actor!? I'm talking about how well you handle a gun, it's very impressive."
  • "I read your book when it came out."
  • "You teach diplomacy, I get called in when diplomacy fails."
  • "I just need to feel a familial connection, ya'know?"
  • "___ says I'm not really allowed to say that word anymore."
  • "Really!? What did you think?"
  • "I'd rather relive those days than drink another one."
  • "I hope you're not offended, but I'm not really familiar with your career."
  • "I hear you're also an actor."
  • "The great thing about you not knowing much about me is I can tell you bullshit like that."
  • "So all these years later has your opinion of me changed?"
  • "I'd rather not state the names if it's worth the same to you."
  • "That is a nice exterior you have."
  • "Alright, but make it quick."
  • "Permission to speak freely, ___?"
  • "I have come to a singular conclusion. You scare me..."
  • "In hindsight, do you see that as a wise decision?"
  • "I'll have you know everything we use is 100% designed and made in the U.S.A."
  • "You honestly can't believe that can you?"
  • "Yeah! Just like- Damn!"
  • "Why is that so hard to believe?"
  • "You make a very compelling point."
  • "Good, you're learning,"
  • "What? Me? No, I'm sure of thinking of somebody else."
  • "_____ and I had a long standing business arrangement."
  • "I don't believe you."
  • "I never understood why men with your natural martial talent never joined the special forces."
  • "What's it like being part if that?"
  • "Thank you for pointing that out."
  • "I can't really be there if I'm already there. You know what I mean?""
  • "Are you high?"
  • "Heard you kidnapped me or something."
  • "That was business."
  • "And what about seducing me and make me serve your every little fantasy?"
  • "Never really thought I'd be seeing you like this again."
  • "Hey, aggressive and vengeful is fun. Though I think that's the part you didn't catch on to."
  • "Uh, sometimes you have to spell it out for me."
  • "You ever take anything seriously?"
  • "I still don't believe you're real, you know."
  • "OK, now you're projecting here."
  • "Well you're a... Wait, what?"
  • "Hey, I just call it as I see it."
  • "Well, let me give you a tip. There is no even."
  • "I believe that you did that all on your own, little [GENDER]."
  • "What have you ever accomplished?"
  • "I was a big fan of yours."
  • "I learned so much from you."
  • "No, man. I learned so much about the real world. You know, the real world. With the people with no faces and messages on everything."
  • "Baby Jesus, you folks are freaks."
  • So, you got anything good on you?"
  • "I tried to kill you and you're hitting me up for ____?"
  • "Sounds perfect to me."
  • "Bet it was a good read."
  • "The list of people killed by you was the longest I'd seen in my entire career."
  • "Shit seemed so much simpler in the old days, didn't it _____?"
  • "What's so funny?"
  • "Not if you wanna keep breathing."
  • "It's like someone is intentionally trying to put us together to see what'll happen. Fucking fan-fiction."
  • "So, how many times?"
  • "I dunno fifty is pretty impressive."
  • "Despite everything I've done with my life, apparently that's what I'm known for."
  • "Well, you're in impressive company."
  • "Me? No, God no, of course not... not that I didn't consider it, once or twice."
  • "Why does everyone keep saying that?"
  • "Guess we both fucked up."
  • "Yeah, we were a pair, you and me."
  • "It is fucked up that we can talk right now."
  • "Looks like we were both too blind for our own good."
  • "Tried to blow 'em up on a boat."
  • "What? No, nothing like... ha, well I'll be damned."
  • "A-ahm. Then, how are you here?"
  • "I can't get over how much different you are from your other you."
  • "I guess you and me have a lot in common after all."
  • "How about that sport's team?"
  • "Hell, if someone wrote that in a book there isn't anyone in the world who'd read that shit."
  • "Why you gotta be a dream killer, man?"
  • "That chick told me something pretty interesting."
  • "She says a lot of crazy shit."
  • "I did mess you up pretty bad."
  • "I already won once. I don't need to do it again."
  • "How you holding up? Things getting too crazy for you?"
  • "Did I ever tell you about the time I choked a man to death with my bare hands?"
  • "I can still feel his pulse, beating against the palms of my hand, getting slower and softer, until nothing."
  • "Oh, where have you heard that?"
  • "From the last fantasy game I saw online."
  • "So, you were some big hotshot gangster?"
  • "Did it piss you off to find out she faked her death just to get out of her contract?"
  • "Hurts like a bitch when it's gonna rain."
  • "Watch yourself old man."
  • "Don't get mad at me for telling the truth."
  • "It's amazing the lives I've changed just telling my story."
  • "If I got even one kid off the street it was all worth it."
  • "This was not the downer I was looking for."
  • "Yeah, I had to give that up at some point."
  • "Cause I am totally family material."
  • "I'm not getting anywhere with this argument, am I?"
  • "Are you sure you do not want to go out with me sometime?"
  • "It is just that I have been alone for so long and you and I have so much in common."
  • "I gotta be honest, I don't see any real similarity."
  • "Thanks for rescuing me."
  • "It was on the way!"
  • "Why a whiny brat like him?"
  • "But he's so fucking annoying."
  • "Are you jealous that I did not approach you with the offer?"
  • "Wait, you haven't told anybody, have you?"
  • "Do you want me to tell everyone about what you kept in that locked drawer in your desk?"
  • "You set an example for a lot of men who were questioning their own fashion choices and maybe even who they were inside."
  • "Hold on. By repopulate you mean?"
  • "So, I hear you're really good with computers and stuff."
  • "I guess being taken hostage really changes you."
  • "He ended getting killed when he tattooed the number for the police department's tip hotline to the back of his hand."
  • "Why do humans see the need to permanently mark their body with ink?"
  • "Why do robots see the need to ask such stupid pointless questions?"
  • "You simply don't get it, you had no chance, ever."
  • "You heard about that psychotic witchdoctor before me?"
  • "Kind of a cliché answer."
  • "Kind of a cliché conversation."
  • "Good point. I'll be quiet now."
  • "You know, I had a best friend named ____ once."
  • "I hope for your sake that's a compliment."
  • "How are you enjoying the field work?"
  • "Mastermind is more my speed."
  • "An allure? Is it spy-code for dirt, blood, fire, nausea and the insufferable blatherings of monosyllabic enemies that all look alike?"
  • "I imagine they have already seen themself naked."
  • "What are you doing after this? Maybe see where things go?"
  • "You're not nearly the psychopathic killing machine I was led to believe."
  • "You and I share that."
  • "Oh God! You're one of those."
  • "A thug? Are you saying that I am just a thug?"
  • "You really wanna shut your mouth now, son."
  • "I admit I feel the most direct kinship with you."
  • "We're outcasts, you and I. Strangers even amongst peers."
  • "This is... probably a strange time to mention it, but you were one of the best bad guys."
  • "I even had one of your action figures."
  • "Who would have thought, eh? You and me fighting side by side."
  • "Your brawn and my brains, your sass and my good looks, we're like a buddy cop show."
  • "There's no way you could have known that information, my cover was flawless."
  • "Well, that's quite a theory you have there."
  • "You know, I was like you once, I thought I could take down ____ and carry on with business as usual."
  • "You know, that wouldn't have been a bad idea."
  • "It's nice to get to talk to you on a more personal level."
  • "On second thought, I have enough friends."
  • "You almost remind me of my former assistants."
  • "Well, they actually had a measure of intelligence"
  • "Hey, if you ever get back into the whole criminal thing again, I can totally get you the hookup for good product."
  • "You don't employ any crazy dudes with Machetes do you?"
  • "Do I make you uncomfortable? If so, I apologize."
  • "You are always backing away from me and giving sideways glances as if I am contagious."
  • "So you're the playa's right-hand man. How's that working out for you?"
  • "Sorry man, but you gotta let that shit go."
  • "Oh that's funny. Coming from the people who scarred my face."
  • "I'm not looking to make friends here."
  • "That about sums it up. Yeah."
  • "You think you've gone crazy, don't you?"
  • "You know, I'm a pretty popular singer now."
  • "I was thinking we can hang some time. I let you hear some of my tracks."
  • "I have been watching footage of your old fighting matches."
  • "Funny how two completely different worlds can create things that are so similar."
  • "I am sure it was completely coincidental. You will be hearing from my attorneys."
  • "It's nice to see a celebrity who can handle a gun, seems most of them can barely land a punch."
  • "I hear you brother, no shit."
  • "Guy who played you sounds nothing like you though."
  • "____ is more powerful than you can imagine."
  • "Are you saying I don't have personality?"
  • "Cool it, ___. I'm just fucking with you."
  • "Oh no! Don't even speak to me. You don't get that right."
  • "Open your mouth again and you'll be singing falsetto permanently."
  • "I know. Man, those were good times."
  • "I thought I listened to you die. I thought that if we'd only gone back for you we could've stopped it."
  • "I'm right here, I didn't die and besides, that wouldn't have been on you."
  • "I'd say sorry about ____, but that bitch nearly ran me over with her car."
  • "You know, we took on a whole gang of maniacal wrestlers in masks years ago."
  • "Oh, well. He's dead now."
  • "Ahh, it takes a strong soul to stand up to ____. Huh, you seem to me more than your hooker getup suggests."
  • "But you do look completely like a hooker."
  • "You are a terrible mistress and should be ashamed."
  • "Oh! Ah, terribly sorry. It's just, well, look at you."
  • "I like your shoes."
  • "Yeah, they're pretty nice, I guess."
  • "The skirt, looks good on you."
  • "Ya got anything to eat? I'm starving."
  • "I'm just saying I'm willing to forgive and forget if you are honey."
  • "You ain't getting close enough to shank me."
  • "This whole invasion thing has fucked up everything. You know?"
  • "You step out of line just once and I'll find an even bigger building to drop your ass from."
  • "Just how much of your body is tattooed?"
  • "Any chance you might be looking for a good time?"
  • "Streets are so noisy, I figure we could go some place more quiet. Maybe my place at nine. You bring the wine, I'll bring... my questions."
  • "Two glasses of that and I just can't control myself."
  • "Man, I loved you as a bad guy back in the day."
  • "Then you became a good guy and I was like what the hell."
  • "God! I don't know why the ____ calls in you people for help. I mean what the hell."
  • "Look, just because I was on the opposing side doesn't mean I'm some lesser being."
  • "I was a member of a voodoo gang. Thank you very much."
  • "So can you play music or anything useful?"
  • "Yes, I have quite a large library of music from your world."
  • "I thought you were some kind of servant robot, so come on play something."
  • "Is there any way I can get an autograph some time?"
  • "Personally I hate hippy bullshit."
  • "You, woah, this is trippy. I can't believe I'm hanging out with the guy from that Ghost Busting movie."
  • "You're like an empire god, you know all the tricks. I learned a lot. That's how I built a legion of loyal followers."
  • "You know someone who deals in tiny plastic toy ponies?"
  • "What the hell. This is bullshit, man."
  • "It's just, you know, it's a skirt. Not exactly the manliest outfit, especially for taking alien hordes in crime ridden city."
  • "Just because we're not in the ring doesn't mean I won't lay your ass out."
  • "You know what I wear under my kilt? Your girlfriend's lipstick."
  • "I gotta say ____ you're looking really good."
  • "Come on, if we're gonna work together you have to get over..."
  • "Nice. Something about power makes a woman really sexy."
  • "You know maybe after we're done here you and me should talk some more."
  • "I suppose ____ told you about the time I tried to get her take a bullet for me."
  • "Ehh. I've had guys do worse."