if you have any pictures of me i'd love to see them!!

I’ve been thinking about professor!magnus and soldier!alec since yesterday and idk if I want to commit myself to writing something like that when I know nothing about the army but I feel like there could be something very heartbreaking about it. 

Like maybe Alec is about to be deployed and it’s his what… 2nd? 3rd? tour and he’s happy to be unattached, despite what his siblings always say, because he knows how hard it is to be separated from the ones he loves but also to be left behind and he doesn’t want to do that to someone. So he doesn’t date and he doesn’t have a lot of close friends apart from his family and it’s ok, hes doing something important, serving his country and following his family’s footsteps (ofc they’d be a big military family) but then he meets Magnus … Idk where, somewhere random like a bookstore or grocery store or the outdoor market Izzy dragged him to and sparks  f l y. And Alec is confused/overwhelmed and reluctant despite Magnus flirting 110% with him. Maybe they exchange numbers maybe not, maybe they randomly meet again and Magnus is like uh funny twist of fate *flirty grin* and Alec is just…. abort mission holy shit help ???Because even though he’s had flings and hooks up, he’s never had a crush or somebody that made him go w o w  like this and it’s new? But he kinda wants to break his rule and say yes when the hot college professor asks him out and that’s new and kinda scary but he blurts out yes before he can fully think about it or change his mind. Of course, he has a nervous breakdown afterward and Izzy is like pls find your chill but he can’t find his chill cause he’s going away to get shot at in less than 3 months and the timing couldn’t more off and that’s not fair to Magnus to get him involved like that… Because, of course, Alec is the type of person to worry too much before anything even happens. Anyway, so they go on a date maybe a walk at dusk and some ice cream?? Idk why but I’m imagining this is set in a small coastal town? They can walk near the water while talking about everything and nothing?? I’m seeing a make out session on top of a lighthouse? Anyway, when Alec tells Magnus what he does and where he’s going he’s all sorry about that I should have told you straight away when you asked me out but Magnus is all its ok lets just see where this goes, it doesn’t have to be serious since you’re leaving so soon and they agree to have a fling… but feelings happen and it’s inconvenient!!!

I like imagining Alec walking Magnus to his classes when he’s stayed over the night before (Magnus teaches history in this, I feel it). And maybe on mornings he wasn’t at Magnus’ he does a little detour on his morning run to buy him breakfast and he leaves it in his office during the 8am lecture that Magnus hates so that he’ll have something nice after that hardship, a little muffin and a coffee with a cute note on the cup ‘cause Alec is sappy af even though he tries very hard to hide it. And maybe he buys Magnus peonies at some point, just because they’re pretty and Magnus is pretty and he’s never bought flowers for anyone before and he wanted to… And Magnus keeps teasing him flowers are not casual Mister!! because it’s easier to flirt and tease than to acknowledge the fact that Alec is leaving really soon and he might not come back, and Magnus isn’t even important enough to be considered someone he’s leaving behind (or at least that’s how he feels). Magnus tries not to think about it but he’s obsessing over the idea that he doesn’t even know Alec’s family and friends, doesn’t know anyone who would tell him if something happened??? But he doesn’t want to bring it up because it’s supposed to be casual and meaningless, something that ends when the semester ends. So they keep going on dates and Alec cooks for him and Magnus tries to ignore the uneasy feeling growing in his chest as time flies too fast. Until there aren’t any time left and Alec is leaving. So they take a walk just like their first date and they have ice cream and they make love and they definitely don’t talk about it even though they both know that they should and Alec just… leaves. 

And Magnus tries not to have a hard time about it but it’s tough and he’s grateful it’s the end of the semester ‘cause at least he’s busy between marking terrible essays and correcting exams. He goes out with his friends from the history department once they’re all done and he tries to have a fun time, but truth is… he’s worried. He starts watching the news a little too obsessively and his friends don’t like it but he can’t help himself. 

Alec has been gone three weeks when the first letter comes. It takes Magnus by surprise at first because in all the times they’ve been together Alec has always been a man of little words. That’s not to say he was emotionally unavailable or unwilling to discuss things and his feelings, but this is new, the way the words flow easily on the page like it was no hardship at all to put it all down, descriptions of his unit and where he is, a full paragraph about how much he misses Magnus’ cat and nothing about them at all. But Magnus gets it, he sees it for what it is, a peace offering maybe or a stubborn unwillingness to let go, so he writes back. He talks about his students, their successes and their struggles, and his friends, little things that have reminded him of Alec since he’s been gone. Soft stories for a soft boy in a hard place. And they keep going back and forth, sending each other little pieces of their respective lives and it should be enough, it’s more than Magnus expected, but it’s tough and he misses Alec like a limb, misses him in his bed and in his kitchen, misses him when summer classes start and he has no one to hold his hand on his way to work, no callused fingers to wrap around his… But every new letter is a blessing. It says many things but underneath it all, the most important message is I’m still here, I’m alive and I’m thinking about you. 

Okay so maybe it all comes to a halt one day when his phone rings and it’s Alec on the line, after all those weeks, all those months, and he sounds like h e l l  and he’s there on the phone, apologizing to Magnus because his phone bill is gonna be awful but I …. I just… I needed to hear your voice Magnus, I’m sorry. You… you c-can send me the bill if you want, I just… and it takes everything Magnus has for him not to break down and cry right there and then because Alec really doesn’t sound okay and he has no idea what happened and he has no idea what they are but that’s his boy there on the phone who’s hurting and he hasn’t heard his voice in weeks… So Magnus is like Please shut up about my phone bill, I don’t give a fuck about that. How are you? Are you okay? What happened? And Alec is reluctant to talk about it, doesn’t want to give any details, just keeps saying rough day, Magnus, rough day in this small voice and Magnus hates it more than he’s ever hated anything in his life. He doesn’t want to push Alec too hard so he just asks what can I do? and he hates the way his voice shakes, he wishes he could be stronger than this but Alec doesn’t seem to mind, he just sighs like he’s tired deep in his bones, deep in his soul, and says: just talk to me. So Magnus does, he rambles on nervously about what he had for breakfast and what he taught today, his lecture plan for tomorrow, his neighbor’s hatred for his cat and his favorite designer on the new season of Project Runway. He just babbles on, hoping it can help. All he wants to do is help. Alec hums here and there, asks a few questions, especially about Magnus’ work and at some point he runs out of things to say. There’s a beat of silence before he whispers I love you and he knows that won’t help but he can’t keep it inside anymore, he can’t live with this trapped inside of him, fighting to break free. Alec sighs again. I.. I w-wish… You… you shouldn’t say that. Don’t say that, please. It shouldn’t take Magnus by surprise but it does and it hurts. Me not saying it won’t make it untrue Alexander. Alec groans in frustration and Magnus can picture it perfectly, the way he’s probably bent over, head between his knees, one hand harshly buried in his hair. I didn’t want to put you through that. I didn’t want to put anyone through that but especially not you. He’s so noble and he’s so caring and Magnus knew that already but it hits him again, hard, that this is a man who puts others before himself every single time and who will fight tooth and nail anyone who dares try taking care of him. So Magnus does his best to sound as stern as he can:  Well just too bad because I’m here and you’re there and I love you. And you wishing it hadn’t happened won’t change anything and if you like me even the tiniest bit you’ll call me again because I have been worried sick. 

Alec calls every week after that. There’s a new kind of anxiety that comes with waiting for the phone call, waiting for the confirmation that Alec is okay, but Magnus is happy to live with it when it means he can hear Alec’s voice once a week, warm and soft when he asks Magnus what he’s been up to and insists to be put on the phone with the cat. I don’t want him to forget me! 

That boy. 

They don’t talk about what they are again and it takes until Alec is back on American soil, his head buried in Magnus’ neck so no one can see him cry, for him to say I love you back, but it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t need it. For now, Magnus cherishes every time his phone rings and he gets connected to Alec, he cherishes every time he can make him laugh, he cherishes every single plan they start making, every single hint that they can have a future together. 

It’s enough. 

anonymous asked:

(different anon) I'd love to see a tutorial someday too. Specifically, how the heck do you get your pastries and ice creams and bread to look so soft and natural?! I've made a couple simple food pixels myself, but they all seem so stiff in comparison.

hum well personally i think making things look natural starts wi sketching out line work. (i did a comparison of a bread bun, starting with the same blue sketch to show the differences) i always do rough sketches & work over them bc i think it gives me a better idea of the form.

i know sometimes it seems right to have everything perfect & symmetrical but it all depends on what your drawing in the first place - because you mentioned like bread & ice-cream etc those things are rarely perfect anyway, so i guess avoid being too structured

then i think another big thing is the colour choice & the balance of the halftone dots for shading. I feel like too much half tone & its one big ordered gradient & yeah that looks kind of odd. & for the colour.. its tempting to just pick out the darkest tone & just gradually make it paler for the highlighty bits - but in reality when you really look at something there’s usually a lot of different kinds of colours (even if it is just white bread). So yeah id say experiment with that - i usually exaggerate and go for much warmer colours tbh.

the last thing that i think makes a huge difference is how you do the shine (if any). it helps to just think about the actual thing your drawing (goes wi out saying but curved and squishy bread probably has a softer curvy shine) and it’s probably not such sharp stark white

i feel like the picture just explains it all way better haha 

-`mini tutorial about pixel bread bun´-

my cinderella wakes up with the taste of ashes in her mouth and thinks of her mother’s waning sickness. my cinderella has nightmares of watching her mother’s chest rising, a wheeze escaping her ribs. my cinderella does not cry about this, because she lives in the place fires begin.

her stepmother has perfect teeth and high eyebrows. “are you done sweeping?” she asks. “i need to see myself in my tiles.”

there are long days spent like this. sometimes cinderella gets caught on things. she spends four hours with a toothbrush swiveling in small circles, her whole body trembling. she thinks if everything is perfect, nothing bad will happen. if she checks the stove eight times, it will not poison her like her stepmother’s venom. if she lets the cat scratch her once a day, it will learn to love her. if she just gets these baseboards clean, maybe her father will come home to her.

the invitation comes when she is adjusting the pictures on the wall. it is announced with fanfare. her stepmother sends out the request for dresses instantly while cinderella watches, waiting.

“baby,” stepmother wakes her on the day of, “hope you know how long you’ll be working for today.” strokes her hair a little.

cinderella stares at her. doesn’t want to go to the ball, where people will be twirling around on floors someone else spent six hours polishing, where people will be careless in eating food someone else toiled over cooking. where people like her fade into the shadows.

when she opens her mouth, she says, “let me go, stepmother.” it is worth the look of shock and terror on that woman’s face to tell a lie. cinderella, after the slap, hides her face and smiles.

they leave trumpeting. her step sisters are cupcakes floating on shoes cinderella has sown together.

in the night, she rises from her bed and coaxes a little mouse onto her hands and snaps its little neck. 

boiling the fur of it off is easy. she feeds the bits to the cat, who twines around her feet. she takes the bones under the poplar tree and lays them out just-so. she says the words her mother used to know.

deep from the shadows comes the Fairy. pink and pretty with eyes that are totally empty. cinderella knows better than to look at them directly. “you summon me?” asks the ancient one. “what needs be done?”

cinderella does not want a ball. cinderella wants a night off. she explains slowly what she wants. she gives the Fairy three things: a needle. a fingernail. a strand of hair. the deal is done, midnight comes.

she dresses in her mother’s dress, hidden under the floorboards. it is beautiful, white, shines like a river. on her feet are no shoes at all. she wants to feel the ground that carries her, that has been tilled by people like her.

at the gates, they stop her. no carriage, nothing but a smile on her. but she’s so polite. so willing. has big fluttering eyelashes. lures the guards beyond the light of the castle’s torches. knows how to work a kitchen knife.

inside, she is blinded by the brightness of lamps on granite. everyone here is laughing. gliding. cinderella glides too, effortless without any shoes. 

her stepsisters hang off one another, have their arms draped off the prince. cinderella walks up. smiles. says the words her mother taught her. 

they erupt into screams. “needles” they howl, dancing in shoes cinderella made, “needles in my feet.” they bleed all over the floors someone worked hard for. “That,” says cinderella, “is one for me.”

the prince is without words. stepmother in her skirts tumbles as she skitters forwards. she is bubbling with improper language to speak in front of royals. on her hand is a nail chipped from slapping her stepdaughter. cinderella looks her in the eyes when she says the word. without a pause, violent scratches appear over her stepmother. she is torn open. 

“that,” says cinderella, “is for my mother.”

cinderella tips over candle sticks and sets things on fire. leaves them all with the taste of ashes in their lungs. turns. does not run. 

the prince follows. on his steps, as the clock strikes midnight, he finds a footprint in blood. he swears he will find whomever it belongs to if he has to try the shoes of every girl in the kingdom. 

but cinderella is no longer a girl. the last, a ring of cathair, has turned her into whiskers and a tail. she sits there, watching him in the light. she twines around his legs and purrs at him. he finds her white coat fascinating. 

she lives off of castle food for the rest of her life. sometimes, when she is bored, she bats all of the pictures straight in the front hall. 

nobody ever finds the girl. at the funeral of the stepmother, a white cat sits by the feet of the widowed man who was her father. he has nightmares of his first wife forever after. 

Disney Lyric Starters
  • [ Classic, modern, golden days, you name it, i got it. Feel free to change pronouns etc. Also this is a looong post]:
  • "Some day, my prince will come."
  • "Some day, we'll meet again."
  • "Some day when spring is here, we'll find our love anew."
  • "And soon you'll find you're dancing to the tune."
  • "There isn't any let up. I hear them calling, calling."
  • "Every time she/he'd find a minute, that's the time that they begin it."
  • "They always keep her/him hopping."
  • "She/He goes around in circles till she/he's very, very dizzy."
  • "They have stars in their eyes."
  • "Side by side with your loved one, you'll find enchantment here."
  • "The night will weave its magic spell when the one you love is near."
  • "This is the night, and the heavens are right."
  • "Look at this stuff, isn't it neat?"
  • "Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?"
  • "How many wonders can one cavern hold?"
  • "I want to be where the people are."
  • "I want to see, want to see 'em dancing."
  • "Flipping your fins, you don't get too far."
  • "What would I pay to spend a day warm on the sand?"
  • "Sick of swimming. Ready to stand."
  • "And I'm ready to know what the people know."
  • "When's it my turn?"
  • "I can see what's happening, and they don't have a clue."
  • "With all this romantic atmosphere, disaster's in the air."
  • "She'd turn away from me."
  • "He's holding back. He's hiding."
  • "Why won't he be the king I know he is, the king I see inside?"
  • "Love is where they are."
  • "If there's a prize for rotten judgement, I guess I've already won that."
  • "No man is worth the aggravation."
  • "Honey, we can see right through you."
  • "It's too cliche. I won't say I'm in love."
  • "I thought my heart had learned its lesson."
  • "You keep on denying who you are and how you're feeling."
  • "Get off my case. I won't say it!"
  • "I steal only what I can't afford."
  • "These guys don't appreciate I'm broke."
  • "I can take a hint, gotta face the facts. You're my only friend."
  • "I'd blame parents except he hasn't got 'em."
  • "Tell you all about it when I got the time!"
  • "I think I'll take a stroll around the block."
  • "Let's not be too hasty."
  • "They're quick, but I'm much faster."
  • "Barely even friends, then somebody bends unexpectedly."
  • "Both a little scared, neither one prepared."
  • "Finding you can change, learning you were wrong."
  • "Certain as the sun rising in the east."
  • "There's something sweet and almost kind."
  • "I wonder why I didn't see it there before."
  • "Who'd have ever thought that this could be?"
  • "True he's no "Prince Charming"..."
  • "Who'd have guessed they'd come together on their own?"
  • "We'll wait and see a few days more."
  • "What I love most about rivers is you can't step in the same river twice."
  • "To be safe, we lose our chance of knowing."
  • "Can I ignore that sound of distant drumming?"
  • "Is all my dreaming at an end?"
  • "For a long time we've been marching off to battle."
  • "Our aching feet aren't easy to ignore."
  • "Think of instead, a girl worth fighting for."
  • "I want her paler than the moon with eyes that shine like stars."
  • "It all depends on what she cooks like."
  • "Bet the local girls thought you were quite the charmer."
  • "Yet the only girl who'd love him is his mother."
  • "Whatever you do, I'll do it, too."
  • "Show me everything, and tell me how."
  • "It all means something, yet nothing to me."
  • "It's all so close, and yet so far."
  • "I wanna know. Can you show me?"
  • "I wanna know about these strangers like me."
  • "Why do I have this growing need to be beside her?"
  • "Come with me now to see my world."
  • "Don't you disrespect me, little man!"
  • "You're in my world now, not your world."
  • "And I got friends on the other side."
  • "Sit down on my table, put your minds at ease."
  • "I can read your future. I can change it around some, too."
  • "You come from two long lines of royalty."
  • "I'm a royal myself on my mother's side."
  • "Your lifestyle's high, but your funds are low."
  • "Mom and dad cut you off, huh, playboy?"
  • "You've been pushed around all your life."
  • "Won't you shake the poor sinner's hand?"
  • "I hope you're satisfied, but if you ain't, don't blame me!"
  • "All that time never even knowing just how blind I've been."
  • "At last I see the light, and it's like the fog has lifted."
  • "If she/he's here, it's crystal clear I'm where I'm meant to go."
  • "All at once everything is different now that I see you."
  • "Come on, let's go and play!"
  • "I never see you anymore."
  • "We used to be best buddies, and now we're not."
  • "I've started talking to the pictures on the walls."
  • "It gets a little lonely, all these empty rooms."
  • "People are asking where you've been."
  • "They say "Have courage," and I'm trying to."
  • "We only have each other."
  • "It's just you and me. What are we gonna do?"
  • "Okay, can I just say something crazy?"
  • "I love crazy."
  • "I've been searching my whole life to find my own place."
  • "I've never met someone who thinks so much like me."
  • "Say goodbye to the pain of the past."
  • "We don't have to feel it anymore."
  • "Can I say something even crazier?"
  • "I've been staring at the edge of the water for as long as I can remember."
  • "Every road leads back to the place I know where I cannot go."
  • "It calls me, and no one knows how far it goes."
  • "I can lead with pride. I can make us strong."
  • "I'll be satisfied if I play along."
  • "What is wrong with me?"
  • "But no one knows how deep it goes."
  • "If the wind on my sail on the sea stays behind me, one day I'll know how far I'll go."
  • "Now I know I can be happy as a clam because I'm beautiful, baby."
  • "Scrub the deck and make it look shiny."
  • "I just love free food."
  • "Ouch! What a terrible performance!"
  • "You don't swing it like you used to, man."
  • "Send your armies, but they'll never be enough."
  • "You try to be tough, but your armor's just not hard enough."
Matthew Daddario Quotes
  • "We call our shoes ‘sneakers,’ right? But they're not really sneaking."
  • "Can't wait till they invent phones with keyboards."
  • "I don't know this guy. He came to hang out so I complimented his hair."
  • "How many artichokes can you eat in one sitting?"
  • "No, go back to my idea!"
  • "Maybe, they'll throw the books out. Just not follow the books anymore."
  • "Hey guys did everyone floss today? You gotta floss every day. Otherwise, your dentist makes you feel bad."
  • "I play piano but I won't call it a talent."
  • "I'm the funniest person in the cast and that's simply because everybody else is so painfully unfunny."
  • "There is literally no memory left in my phone. I took fourteen thousand blue sky photos and I need all of them."
  • "Send him photos of fried chicken and crab cakes."
  • "I have a dentist appt tomorrow. I'm not gonna brush my teeth tonight. Also not going to shower. This is going to be painful for everyone."
  • "You are not trash, you are lovely!"
  • "Don't sign contracts in your blood. It's usually not required by any reputable party."
  • "He's slippin' out his little tongue eating snail treats off the ground."
  • "I will eat anywhere in the house. I'll eat cheese crackers in bed!"
  • "He looks down and sees this wonderful man. He hops down there and smooches that man right on the face. Right in front of everyone."
  • "...it's not fair that he is more handsome than me!!!"
  • "Don't do the hokey pokey around witches."
  • "They're never gonna release the deleted scenes to you guys because they're racy and inappropriate."
  • "This video is going on social media!"
  • "I'm ashamed to admit I lied about the selfies. The phone is 98% cow pictures and I can't delete them. I need a new phone. Forgive me."
  • "Thank god I started sandpapering my feet when I was four."
  • "Is Alec appreciating at an increased rate because of an increase in demand? Or is it the same rate as before."
  • "Note, some alpaca do not appreciate head pats."
  • "If humans lived in barns, we'd be smelly, too."
  • "Had to delete all my cow photos to make room for selfies, so I will say 'I appreciate you, cows.'"
  • "Wow. It's spelled Gollum. Wow. So disappointed. Hiding my own cell phone for the next two weeks."
  • "You're a little kitty cat. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy kitty cat, kitty cat."
  • "Sometimes when I travel between dimensions, I think, man, I should really buy a sailboat."
  • "If I was running for President, my VP would be a well trained golden retriever."
  • "Who's not going to watch Hamlet in space? I mean, Space Hamlet!"
  • "I just think we should all acknowledge what is awesome about Harry!"
  • "I like eating food after dark."
  • "Generally, people avoid kissing their sister in a healthy life."
  • "If you don't like my zebra leggings, it's because you just don't understand zebra leggings."
  • "I think we should provide more showers for cows."
  • "If I'm having a bad day, I eat pizza."
  • "I hope Google uses the same algorithm to encrypt my email as my pocket does to tie knots with my headphones."
  • "I would own a farm. Not like growing crops but maybe have a few animals like cows, and maybe an alpaca or a llama. I would chop wood all day."
  • "Dog. #dog. Dog. Dog."
  • "Had fun tweeting with/at you guys. Phone is about to die. Gonna go get more double-A batteries."
  • "The jackhammer has been joined by his friend, the concrete saw. Rare that you get two music legends right outside your window like this."
  • "Interdimensional cat smuggling is severely punished. But you can make a killing on the black cat market."
  • "You should just give up on me like I did. So done with me right now I can't even."
  • "What am I fan of? No one's ever asked me this before! Oh man."
  • "I don't know why they say that. I think they're poking fun at me."
  • "Congrats. You deserve that sailboat."
  • "I don't know. I don't have any pet peeve. Yapping little dogs, I guess. Buttons that don't go up right."
  • "Donkeys look like rabbit horses."
  • "Everyone is all, 'follow your heart.' If that worked I'd be watching Shadowhunters in my spaceship."
  • "Am I making this up?"
  • "I don't condone it, but I understand it, and therefore, I will not pass judgment on it."
  • "I can eat a pound of pork rinds."
  • "I am your bird king!"
  • "Baby pigs or baby cows? They're both good options."
  • "I have deleted a single photo from my phone. I have room for one selfie. Living on the edge. If it happens, no second chances."
  • "She gets it at a Shadowhunter tailor where we get all our stuff. Are you serious?"
  • "My cell phone is not the most important thing in my life. It just feels that way."
  • "Kill her immediately. Problem solved."
  • "You're not me? Most people aren't, in my experience."
  • "Man I've spent a whole year talking about sailboats and I could have just jumped on this SHIP."
  • "Reminder not to cite 'game of thrones' as my motivation for getting into politics."
  • "To all the people who threaten to punch me in the face... Do I have to be concerned or is that a love thing?"
  • "Put this on?! Fit it on my body?!"
  • "I’m going to shave today. Nobody will recognize me and I’ll have to reintroduce myself to all my friends."
  • "Don't get me started on this question."
  • "Okay, quick question. What does it mean when someone says they are your 'trash?' Asking for a friend..."
  • "Wait, 'SexyBack' is by Justin Timberlake?"
  • "Everyone's smooching everyone and Alec just wants to do his job. That's why he's the best and deserves a big smooch."

lindseyylu17  asked:

I'd love to see a fic where J and C get matched up on a dating app.

The flat was quiet and dark, no sign of my former cohabitation present. My heart ached at the realization that he was really gone. Six years of having a shadow, a lover, a home full of noise and suddenly the only sound is that of my keys desolately clattering onto an empty table.

I didn’t bother changing from my rumpled, puke stained scrubs, nor did I care to turn on a light as I wound my way through the empty halls to the kitchen. The fridge didn’t help note the stark loneliness, I don’t know why I bothered opening it in the first place knowing I would find a few stray brown sauce packets, a spoiled carton of milk, and a half-eaten container of takeaway. I did a double take at the sight of a large wine bottle topped with a bow sat on the middle shelf, an interesting label and a note tied to its neck.

Claire,

Don’t be such a wuss on your birthday! No man is worth the six months of depression you’ve been sporting. Drink up and perk up!

Love,

Geili

I laughed and pulled the well-chilled bottle from the fridge, without a second glance at the rest of the meager, unsatisfying contents.

“Extremely sweet red wine,” I read from the label, popped the cork and swigging straight from the bottle, then pulled out my phone.

Sweet Walter Red is it then? How sweet Walter must have been to lend you his bottle. I hope he knows he won’t get it back!

Waiting for her reply I took another drink and hummed at the delicious crisp sweetness the wine offered. I needed to eat something before the wine turned me into a blubbering drunk.

Geili:

Aye! Walter is more than happy to lend sweet bottles to beautiful nurses. Especially on their birthday!

I laughed as her next message came within seconds of her first.

Geili:

I took the liberty of downloading a week gift to your iPad.
DRINK THE WINE!!!!  Then…have some fun on my dime 😜

Geili what did you do???

Geili:

You’ll see! I already have it pulled up for you. All you have to do is tap the big red button!

Curiosity coursed through me. The app was indeed pulled up and a large red button read ‘Pick Me!’

“Pick me? What on earth?”

YOU SIGNED ME UP FOR A DATING APP?! GEILIS!!!! NO.

Geili:

😘

Tossing my phone to the side, I quickly drained half the bottle of wine and slumped on the couch glaring at the closed cover of my iPad.

“Who does she think she is?” I questioned. “It’s not as though I’ve never had a date…” Sighing I reasoned with myself. “…although, he never did call back. I guess I could… NO! Beauchamp, what are you thinking? Molesters, con artists and psychopaths use the internet for dating… or that’s just my overactive paranoia coming into play and generalizing to avoid admitting that I do want a date and I’m actually extremely lonely.”

My life was starting to look like a cheap early 2000s romantic comedy, only without the romance and comedic irony in abundance. I sat back down on the couch, took another mouthful of wine and started laughing riotously.

“Bridget eat your heart out!” I laughed into the bottle, the wine already nearing the opening.

The bottle of Sweet Walter diminished surprisingly quick. My food deprived stomach craved more with every sip to ebb away the hunger, and my alcohol buzzed brain’s confidence soared.

“Get a grip Beauchamp! What’s the worst that could happen?” I slurred, and tapped the obnoxious ‘Pick Me!’ button.

A burst of confetti digitally fell down the screen and I laughed as balloons rose from the bottom spelling out ‘CONGRATS!’ So far, so good!

Hello!

Congrats on deciding to take this leap into the unknown. We’re here to help you find love and fun all at the click of a button! Pick Me!, Inc. has a 98% success rate and we’re happy to have you join our team! In the home bar below you will find your access to your personal profile, messages, private chats, and most importantly your matches! If you have any questions just tap on the HELP! Icon and we’ll be there to assist.

Happy Picking!

After canceling the automated tour of the app I fumbled my way through the sections, finding my profile and groaning at the photo and information Geili had chosen to submit. The title of my pages was named Hot Shot Lady Doc, “Jesus H Roosevelt Christ, Geili! What have you done?”

Name: Claire Beauchamp

Occupation: Professional Knife Wielder, aka SURGEON

Looking For: The perfect peen to make me happily scream and other forms of fun. 😉

Interested In: Tall, NOT Dark, but very Handsome: MEN

My eyes widened and the wine was suddenly back in my mouth. I really needed to change the information. Drunk note to self: Change all information and profile picture ASAP once sober. A heart appeared in the corner of my screen, blinking the number 6. Did this mean six messages or six matches? Why didn’t they ever make this clear? Oh, wait… Maybe that’s what the little tutorial was meant for…

“Ahh fuck it… when in Rome,” I murmured clicking on the flashing heart.

My heartbeat quickened and my stomach twisted with nerves. There were six matches waiting for me to view and one had a gold star on the top left corner stating we were a 95% match, the rest filtered through with 90%, 88%, 85%, and an 80% ratings. I bit my lip and scrolled through each, eager to see what made us compatible. One man was a wine distributor, another a carpenter, there was an army surgeon, a police officer, a publisher and even a farmer. All had stunning smiles and colorful profiles, and there was one thing important I noticed about each of these men as I read their profiles; none of them were the least bit like Frank.

“I can do this!” I said matter of factly, tapping my, unfortunately empty, wine bottle to the screen in a mock toast. “I am a strong, independent, hotshot lady doc! I managed to graduate top of my class before the age of 30! I don’t need a man but would definitely like some fun!” A new sense of excitement washed over me at that realization, but my stomach sank in guilt. “I do want a man, but am I doing this too soon after Frank?”

Chewing on my lip I paced my living room with the empty wine bottle and iPad in hand. “No! He is not caring if it was too soon to get married two days after I landed a job to be closer to him. He didn’t seem to mind that we were still together when he started dating whats her face Candy! This is for me! Geili was right, I do deserve some fun!” Confidently I flipped the iPad back open, I bit the bullet and messaged the first profile that caught my attention.

anonymous asked:

I was going to say I'd love to have you show me your collection of books on mythology and cults and cosmic horror but then I realized- You kind of can do that. Do you have any book recs of the non-Lovecraft Lovecraftian sort?

Okay so I pulled some of my favourite things off my bookshelf which I think might appeal to people interested in Lovecraft. I tend to veer towards the more gothic of his tales so that’s what this collection reflects. There is a mixture of fiction and non fiction here so I hope this is useful!! 

1. The Hell-Fire Clubs by Evelyn Lord

A History of devil worshipping cults in the British Isles which supposedly operated from about the 16th-19th centuries. 

2. America Bewitched by Owen Davies

A history of witchcraft in America after the salem witch trials, really interesting to see how that initial incident affected the later ‘outbreaks’. 

3. Primitive Mythology by Joseph Campbell 

This is part one in a series of texts about the impact of mythology on the psychology/culture/identity of the human race. It reminds me a lot of the ideas Lovecraft explores about the idea of an ingrained fear that has been passed down through generations. 

4. The Devil Within by Brian Levak 

The best history of exorcism I have read, worth pointing out that is does only focus on Western history/concepts. 

5. Vampyres by Christopher Frayling 

Super comprehensive and very literary based, actually a really good reference text for people studying the gothic in any capacity. A social and anthropological history of the Vampyre in popular culture. 

6/7. The Blake and Avery Detective Series by M.J Carter 

Victorian detective series full of satanic cults, weird witch doctors, ancient symbolism and gruesome murders. 

8. Heavenly Bodies by Paul Koudounaris 

I have been obsessed with the Catholic practice of decorating the bodies of saints for ages and this is the definitive book on the subject. Full of gorgeous, fascinating photos and lots of insights into the ritual behind it all. 

9. This Way Madness Lies by Mike Jay 

A really well illustrated and gorgeously presented history of Bedlam in London. Any publication put out by the Wellcome Collection is always worth the money. 

10/11/12. The Annihilation Trilogy by Jeff Vandemeer 

My favourite weird fiction trilogy ever. Worth reading Annihilation on it’s own even if you don’t pick up the other two. Sort of like At the Mountains of Madness meets The X Files meets Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Also a nearly all female cast of characters. 

13. Deathless by Catherynne M. Valente

I’m an absolute sucker for things based on Russian Folklore and this is a bizarre fever dream of a narrative which never quite makes sense but the prose is insanely gorgeous. 

14. Satantango by Laszlo Kraszahorkai 

One to pick up if you like the Lovecraft stories like Dreams in the Witch House, The Colour out of Space and The Cats of Ulthar. Follows the impact of a group of uncanny individuals whose appearance in a rural town causes a slow descent into chaos. 

15. Moon Over Soho (The Rivers of London series) by Ben Aaronovitch 

The Rivers of London series is dark, funny and perfect as a light hearted monsters, girls and ghosts read. I love them because they are set around where I live which is always fun. 

16. The Wolves of London by Mark Morris 

Weirdly this series was released around the same time as the above one but has a much more overt Lovecraftian tone to it. I prefer the ideas and the bleakness of this series but the writing style of Aaronovitch. 

16. Q by Luther Blissett 

Tonally quite similar to Lovecraft’s work. It’s dense but worth the read if you can get through it as it’s a maze of religious fever, manic peasant revolts and political upheaval. 

17. The Loney by Andrew Michael Hurley 

One of my favourite books of the last year. Deeply unsettling and an amazing blend of supernatural and domestic horror where you can never tell who is reliable. 

18. Thin Air by Michelle Paver 

Perfect for fans of Algernon Blackwood, M.J James and all those wonderful classic ghost writers. Genuinely frightening with an excellent payoff. 

19/20/21. Harrow County by Cullen Bunn and Tyler Crook 

Probably visually the most Lovecraftian of this list. A classic tale of supernatural happenings in an isolated rural area but the illustrations and creature designs are some of the most beautiful and horrifying I’ve ever seen. 

Not pictured because I couldn’t find my copy of it is Kraken by China Miéville which starts with a giant embalmed squid being stolen from the Natural History Museum and explodes into a story of cults, magical books, sea monsters and a chilling use of origami. 

I’m also half way through Là-Bas, by J.K Huysmans which follows a young man who becomes obsessed with Gilles de Rais and eventually pursues satanism in turn of the century France. It’s a morbid delight and the love story at it’s centre will really appeal to people who aren’t normally into that aspect of the narrative. Who doesn’t want to go to a black mass with your lover? 

anonymous asked:

would it be okay with you if i got some of your words tattooed? they're so powerful.

always yes!! i love to see the pictures !! i hope my words protect you and serve you well, and know you go forwards in my heart!! i love you and if i’ve got any magic in this world, it’s in my words, so i kind of think of them… like a little spell between you and me. i put my heart into them, and you turn them into what you need. you have every blessing from me! :)

anonymous asked:

Hi first off can I just say that I love love love your headcanons?? Bc i do!! Any who I was wondering if you could do sfw + nsfw relationship headcanons for 3rd gym + Iwaizumi x a kinda big girl? Like not huge just chubby and kinda tall? Idk. I'd love it :)

It may have taken me awhile to write these, but I really enjoyed doing them! Because I freaking love headcanons! So thank you, Anon, for enjoying with them and giving me more to do!


SFW

Bokuto Koutarou

  • He’d feel so secure standing next to her, because, like really, Bo’s a big guy, he’s usually afraid he’s gonna crush someone in the midst of delivering his affections. With her, while he still worries, he’s not quite a restricted about it.
    • Just means she’s getting the purest form of his love! The sudden hugs and gathering up in his arms, the rushed kisses to her face and neck when he becomes too infatuated with her, and those hands that always want to be touching some part of her at all times!
  • They probably both use each other as their personal pillows all the time, be it at school, out in public, or at home. Bokuto likes to lay on her tummy or her legs where she like to lie on his chest or his little tooshie, lol!

Akaashi Keiji

  • Just freaking loves gathering her in his arms from behind and laying his head on her shoulder. It’s probably his immediate comfort zone. Whenever he starts to feel stressed about school, volleyball, or something at home, he seeks her out and just curls up around her from behind.
  • Oh! In turn she probably adopted the habit from him and will often times find herself pressing her face into his back! It’s just so comforting to her even when she’s not upset.
    • Result, she’s - more times than not - the big spoon! Akaashi doesn’t mind in the slightest! He probably drags her leg over his side and spends his time idly messaging and drawing patterns into her soft thighs!

Kuroo Tetsurou

  • Freaking loves blowing raspberries wherever he can on this girl! She wore her hair up (or has short hair!) to reveal her neck: raspberry. She decided to wear a crop top while they were out shopping: raspberry. Her thighs are bare as she lays on his bed while they’re doing homework: freaking raspberries!
  • Almost always has her in his lap no matter where they are. His arms are wrapped around her middle or resting on her thighs, head against her shoulder as she rubs his scalp beneath that mop of hair. Just public cuddling, so much public cuddling.
    • Hell, he’ll even find himself in her lap sometimes, curling into her as she holds him tightly. His fingers dip into her flesh as they trail up her sides more than likely turning a cute moment into a chance for torture if she’s ticklish! (I can just imagine things getting out of hand and she accidentally smacks him! Omg! He brought it on himself!)

Tsukishima Kei

  • This kid is guaranteed always taking pictures of her and them together. Like, check his Instagram, it’s flooded with images (I will fight anyone on this!).
    • Ones where they’re side by side, cuddling, cheek kisses, maybe even just a shot of their linked hands on her thigh??? And then he’s got a TON of just her - most of which she’s probably not even aware he took - of her curled up on his bed, sleeping on his shoulder, or, oh! Those freaking adorable photos from behind with their hands together! Yup, that’s the stuff.
  • His favorite place for his hand is right on her waist. He might even prefer holding her there over holding her hand? Like, it just feels comfortable with her side pressed against him while his fingers can knead into the flesh of her waist there. Just yes.

Iwaizumi Hajime

  • Ooooh, I can picture then being the exact same height and it makes me way beyond happy! Tons of chaste and neck kisses and easy shoulder resting and prolonged eye contact that always makes Oikawa complain when he’s around them. (“I am here too, ya know?!!?!”)
  • Dude, this kid is all about flesh and how much of it he can get into his hands at one time (ps. It’s never enough!) and he just lives for his chubby girlfriend! So, she better tell him how comfortable she is with drawing attention to it, cause he’s always going to be helping himself otherwise!
    • Like, he’s a man of simple needs, really. Let the little hedgehog have his fill every now and then of that plush flesh! He’ll reward her, of course, he’s not a savage!

NSFW

Bokuto Koutarou

  • Okay, legit, this precious one gets so turned on by those plush legs around him. Like, pull him in with them and he’ll be putty in her hands without a doubt - plus he’ll be sporting a hardon before she even knows it!
    • Whether they’re around his head or waist, it doesn’t matter, boy will go to town on those thighs! Biting and kissing the flesh until he leaves mark and his hands are constantly gripping them throughout the entirety of the act.
  • Omg, ride him. She’s the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen and he wants to see her in at her beauty. If she gets on top and allows from his hands to grab freely at her hips, butt, and thighs, this boy will be in heaven (she’ll no doubt be able to make him scream as well!).

Akaashi Keiji

  • Remember how I said Akaashi’s comfort zone is cuddling from behind, it’s no different during the hot and heavy times either! Boy LOVES taking her from behind, his head pressed between her shoulder blades and his hands gripping at her hips.
    • Oooooh, reverse cowgirl is one he likes a lot too! Like, he gets to watch her ride him while his hands can freely grab at her bottom. And the way her back arches or her head falls back, omg, she’ll have him begging for more.
  • While he’s not one for leaving hi kids in places where everyone can see them, that doesn’t mean they’re not there. Her breasts and hips are littered with evidence of his teeth. During summer he’ll distract his mouth from leaving marks to eating her out, hands happy to be full of her thighs.

Kuroo Tetsurou

  • Boy just freaking loves going down on his girl. And he’ll take his time getting there like the freaking tease that he is. He’ll start at her neck, working there until he found that spot before starting down her body, making sure to give attention to each and every part of her.
    • Little shit will totally bypass her heat too, choosing instead to kiss around her hip and down her leg. He won’t actually give her the attention she wants until he’s finished coming back up the opposite leg, it doesn’t matter how much she demands of him.
  • He’s good at talking right? While he’s balls deep inside her, he’s got his lips at her ear telling her just how good she feels inside and how he wants those legs around him tighter. Oh, and he spends plenty of times just moaning as well. He’s just a man, he can’t always be in control.

Tsukishima Kei

  • Shit, I just imagined this kid recording and taking pictures of their illicit activities - all of which he uses as master nation material when she’s not around. Oooooh, and he’s probably always wanting to take pictures of her naked! Like he’s got provocative ones, sure, but also casual ones of her just walking around his room or something? (I got like this Renaissance Venus image stuck in my head when I think of those pictures! So freaking pretty!)
  • Oh my geez. Some slow electronic house music is playing quietly in the back and he fucks her to the beat, never speeding up or slowly down. All the while his hands and slowly working at her flesh (almost to the beat of the music) and, gosh, it probably lasts HOURS and it’s pure, beautiful torture! (I totally don’t fantasize about this all the freaking time guys… I do all the time.)
  • Lol, this kid probably loves lap dances too, yeah? (I mean, who doesn’t?) and he’s always totally stoked when those hips come sashaying up to him where he’s seated at his computer desk. It doesn’t take long for his hands to start wondering her body, fingers pressing into the flesh and watching intently how it dips below his finger. This boy is all about details, even in the sexy times.

Iwaizumi Hajime

  • Ahhhhh! Boy just wants to grab and grope and kiss and lick every single freaking part of her! When the clothes come off his animalistic instincts turn on and he’s all primal. Shit, man, he probably growls when he goes in to bite at her flesh or as his hands press her tighter to himself.
    • Sidenote: just because Iwaizumi is very rough and eager during sex does not mean he can’t flip it off when he wants to. She’s feeling like she needs comfort and deep loving? You bet your ass he’s taking things slow and full out body worshipping her because she deserves it! Those breast, that waist, her hips, and her thighs are all getting delicate attention while she just sits back and enjoys herself.
  • Doggy style is 11/10 on his list. Actually, he probably likes it better when he’s taking her from behind but her back is flush against his chest. Not only does this allow more skin-to-skin contact, but this lets his hands have a chance to grab at whatever part of her he fancies at the time (side note: it’s all of her!).
Cheesy PickUp Line Challenge

4,001 of you wonderful souls follow me now 

and I swore to myself I wouldn’t do a challenge with every milestone, but… I’m gonna do one for this.

Below the cut is a list of the cheesiest and somewhat dirty pick-up lines that will serve as prompts for this little celebration.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I saw that a while back you wrote about who needs therapy the most in the RFA. Going off of that, since I see this discussed a lot in the fandom, who do you think might have suffer from mental illness? Everyone struggles and is deserving of help. That's obvious and I hope people know that. I just see a lot of different opinions on the subject, and since (with the exclusion of Rika) nothing's ever confirmed in-game, I'd love to get your perspective. Your analyses are so well-done!

This request was a little difficult mainly because I really don’t want to insult anyone or say something wrong that could hurt anyones feelings or such. Therefor I want to preface this by saying that I am, by no means, a professional. I wanted to become a Psychiatrist so I did learn a couple of things on my own, but nowhere near enough to be accurate about everything. I have a couple of ideas what kind of mental illnesses the Mystic Messenger crew might have based on internet research, but as always don’t quote me on this…

|| REQUEST ARE (ALWAYS) OPEN!! ||


Zen =  Body Dysmorphic Disorder or BDD

Honestly I don’t really think that Zen has any mental illnesses, after all you can struggle in life without it being a full blown mental illness, but if I would had to say one that he might have I’d choose BDD. Not all people suffering from BDD are those stick thin girls that see themselves as overweight when looking in the mirror. There are many nuances to every mental disorder, including BDD. Let’s have a look why I think Zen might have BDD:

✓ preoccupation with physical appearance

✓ belief that one has an abnormality or defect in appearance that makes her ugly

✓ frequently looking in the mirror

✗ avoiding mirrors altogether

✓ believing that others take special notice of ones appearance in a negative way

✗ frequent cosmetic procedures with little satisfaction

✓ excessive grooming

✓ feeling extremely self-conscious

✗ refusing to appear in pictures

✗ skin picking

✓ comparing appearance with that of others

✗ avoiding social situations

✓ camouflaging (with body position, clothing, makeup, hair, hats, etc.)

✓ excessive exercise

✓ changing clothes excessively

As I said many times before, I feel like Zen’s excessive narcissism is nothing but a facade to hide that he really just hates his body and himself due to what happened in his childhood. In order to overcome one negative extreme he through himself into another extreme, self-hate to excessive self-love, even going as far as to pursue a career where everyone could and would see him. He constantly talks about his looks, is self-conscious about his albinism, constantly stares at himself in mirrors or phones, knows that people notice his albinism and fears it’s negative, constantly grooms himself, is self-conscious, has an excessive need to compare himself to others, exercises excessively and for his job he constantly has to camouflage and change clothing. Out of all the symptoms for it, Zen sure fits a lot of them.
There is even a good reason why he might have it:

?   having biological relatives with body dysmorphic disorder

✓ childhood teasing

?  physical or sexual abuse

✓ low self-esteem

✓ societal pressure or expectations of beauty

He got teased by his parents and hated by his teacher. He had low self-esteem because of it and then of course societal pressure got added to the mix later on once he became an actor. I’m not sure whether he suffered physical or sexual abuse, although I wouldn’t completely cut out the possibility, if you consider that it was hinted at that his teacher had a thing for him as well as the fact that his parents seemed like the abusive type and he was in a biker gang. I also don’t know whether his parents might have had BDD, but it is a possibility. Either way, looking at all this Zen could be suffering from BDD, although I don’t fully believe he does.

Yoosung = Addictive Personality Disorder

I already mentioned before that I think that Yoosung has quite the addictive personality and look there, the shoe kind of fits. I’m basically 99% sure that Yoosung has some kind of addictive personality disorder or something similar now let’s see why:

✓ Low self-esteem

✓ A tendency to impulsive behaviour

✗ An antisocial personality

✓ Difficulty delaying gratification

✓ A disposition toward sensation seeking

✓ Someone who values nonconformity to an extreme

✓ Someone with a weak commitment to the goals for achievement that are generally accepted by “normal” society

✓ Someone who is tolerant of deviant behaviour

✓ Someone who is socially alienated

✓ Having an increased sense of stress

Basically…almost all of the symptoms fit to some extend or the other. It is undeniable that Yoosung has low self-esteem, something that is mentioned in basically all of the routes. He is very impulsive and never thinks things through, like getting his eye almost cut out by one Saeran Choi, because he just had to safe you right then right now without planning. He barely makes any friends outside of his games and the people he already knew, namely the RFA members, when Yoosungs wants to play he needs to do it instantly without any patience to wait, he has given up on studying in order to pursue his addiction – gaming – tolerates a lot of deviant behaviour going on in the RFA, namely whatever one particular hacker is up to, and despite being a lazy fart who never cleans nor studies nor does care for himself properly he seems to be under constant stress. On top of that he is completely obsessed with the women in his life; first Rika then you. He latches on and is incapable of letting go until something new comes around that catches his attention. All of these are pretty fitting, don’t you think?

♨ Jaehee = Anxiety Disorder ♨

Just like with Zen I don’t really think that Jaehee has any disorders or illnesses in particular, just your every day stress of Korean workplaces wearing her down. However, if I had to pick one that might be fitting it would be Anxiety Disorder. To clarify, I don’t really mean the anxiety most people would picture; being afraid to speak in public etc – as we all know that Jaehee is capable of doing that – but more on the lines of being constantly stressed and on edge:

?  Irrational fears

✓ Muscle tension

?  Chronic indigestion

?  Stage fright

✓ Self-consciousness

✓ Panic, fear, and uneasiness

?  Flashbacks

✓ Perfectionism

?  Compulsive behaviors

✓ Self-doubt

✓ Problems sleeping

✓ Not being able to be still and calm

✓ Dizziness (mentioned in one of the bad endings)

The amount of question marks is precisely why I don’t really think she has it, but potentially could. A lot of those we cannot know for sure, as such things are never explicitly mentioned or even hinted in in the game, but I definitely could see being the case. I’m about 90% sure that Jaehee has compulsive behaviours as well as the kind of flashbacks connected to anxiety disorder. I also believe that while she is able to hold a meeting that speaking in front of people is something she had to force herself to learn and that Jaehee actually has stage fright. As for any physical symptoms I can’t even deduce whether she might have them or not, but as I said I could imagine it. Then again, I’m really not sure and this is all just me thinking of possibilities I don’t really think are true.

Jumin = Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder

This is something I have personal experience with, since I have OCPD. Just as a side note, OCPD is not OCD and has very little in common with what you see OCD being portrayed as in the media. Also, to make something clear, I am not giving my favourite my own disorder to feel connected to him. I feel connected to him, because I feel like he has the same disorder. Jumin is very similar to me, which is why I understand his struggles the best and connect to him. Now enough about me, let’s dig into what OCPD is and why I think Jumin has it:

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder is characterized by a preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and mental and interpersonal control, at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.

- may have such difficulty deciding which tasks take priority or what is the best way of doing some particular task that they may never get started on anything.

- prone to becoming upset or angry in situations in which they are not able to maintain control of their physical or interpersonal environment, although the anger is typically not expressed directly. On other occasions, anger may be expressed with righteous indignation over a seemingly minor matter.

-  may be especially attentive to their relative status in dominance-submission relationships and may display excessive deference to an authority they respect and excessive resistance to authority that they do not respect.

- Individuals with this disorder usually express affection in a highly controlled or stilted fashion and may be very uncomfortable in the presence of others who are emotionally expressive. Their everyday relationships have a formal and serious quality, and they may be stiff in situations in which others would smile and be happy. They carefully hold themselves back until they are sure that whatever they say will be perfect.

✓ Is preoccupied with details, rules, lists, order, organization and schedules

✓ Shows perfectionism which can interfere with task completion

✓ Is excessively devoted to work and productivity to the exclusion of leisure activities and friendships

✓ Is overconscientious, scrupulous, and inflexible about matters of morality, ethics, or values

✓ Is unable to discard worn-out or worthless objects even when they have no sentimental value

✓ Is reluctant to delegate tasks or to work with others unless they submit to exactly his or her way of doing things

✓ Adopts a miserly spending style toward both self and others; money is viewed as something to be hoarded for future catastrophes

✓ Shows significant rigidity and stubbornness

Is there really anything I need to explain about this? All of these fit Jumin like a glove tailored for him. There are really only two things that I need to clarify something on. For one we don’t know how Jumin acts about discarding things he has no logical need for, but I feel from the way he treats the pen his father gives him, that said point fits. Despite not needing a golden diamond pen and probably having a million more that work just the same he starts an entire search party to get it back, probably out of sentimental reasons but also because he can’t discard such things. As for the miserly spending style, something most people would disagree with, Jumin doesn’t waste money. He lives in luxury and he does like spending his money, but he doesn’t waste it. The things he buys or pays a lot of money for are practical for the better part; like a nutritionist and gym to keep him healthy. With the money he earns he could live a lot more extravagant than he already does, but he’s not wasteful and exactly like described values money and hoarding it. Other than that, everything else fits perfectly!

☼ Saeyoung/Seven = Major Depression ☼ 

Honestly guys, does this even need explaining? He’s flunking his depression in everyone’s faces all day, every day and yet no one seems to care. Despite the fact that he doesn’t have just ordinary depression but major depression. I’m talking hardcore bullshit here and rightly so. Let’s break this down once and for all:

✓ Fatigue or loss of energy almost every day

✓ Feelings of worthlessness or guilt almost every day

✓ Impaired concentration, indecisiveness

✓ Insomnia or hypersomnia almost every day

✓ Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in almost all activities nearly every day

✓ Restlessness or feeling slowed down

✓ Recurring thoughts of death or suicide

✓ Significant weight loss or gain

✓ Change in your appetite (not eating enough or overeating)

✓ Low self-esteem

✓ Feeling of hopeless

For a while I was torn between Saeyoung being just depressed or having manic depression aka bipolar disorder. I decided to depression, mainly because his ‘episodes’ of euphoria are mostly fake and don’t really happen in proper cycles. Then again, we only get to know them for eleven days and usually those cycles can take up to weeks when not regulated with the proper medication, so who knows. However, it’s a 100% clear that Saeyoung is majorly depressed. Other than his eccentric chatting behaviour he barely seems to have energy, even the smallest things can break his concentration, he never sleeps, other than his interest in cars he has no other interest or pleasurable activities left, Saeyoung constantly mentions how worthless he is, how guilty he feels over his brother, how hopeless he feels of getting out of where he’s got himself stuck and how he wants to die. As for the significant weight loss, he barely eats but what he eats is horrible junk. He should weight much much more than he does considering his diet, which I put into the same category as weight loss. Therefor Saeyoung shows all the symptoms of a majorly depressed person. 

☀ Saeran = Borderline Personality Disorder ☀

For a hot minute I thought about Saeran having depression as well, but I feel like his mental issues go a little deeper and more complicated than ‘just’ depression. Upon researching some of the symptoms he has compared to his twin brother I stumbled over BPD, not to be confused with bipolar disorder (happened to me ones). People with BPD usually experience symptoms like:

✓ Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

✓A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often swinging from extreme closeness and love to extreme dislike or anger

✓ Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self

✓ Impulsive and often dangerous behaviours

✓ Recurring suicidal behaviours or threats or self-harming behaviour

✓ Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days

✓ Chronic feelings of emptiness

✓ Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger

✓ Having stress-related paranoid thoughts

✓ Having severe dissociative symptoms, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality

Much like with Saeyoung this case of mental illness needs very little explaining. The symptoms speak for themselves, as they perfectly fit to Saeran, all of them. Now some might say that he didn’t show those symptoms as a child and that is true, although I wouldn’t say that his BPD was caused only by what Rika did to him, although that surely played a big part. There are three main reasons that are considered risk factors: Genetics, Environmental and Social Factors and Brain Factors. The environmental/social factor is quite obviously what Rika did to Saeran. Most notable factors in that category are traumatic life events such as abuse (mother then Rika) and/or abandonment (his father then Saeyoung) during childhood. What Rika did to Saeran also works into the brain factors, as her torture probably caused structural and functional changes in his brain that changed his behaviour and way of thinking so drastically. As for the genetics, I actually wouldn’t be so surprised of the twins’ mother had some sort of mental disorder or even BPD that caused her to lash out on the boys like that and in Saeran’s case pass it on. It might even explain why he was sickly as a child while his brother wasn’t. Although that is purely theoretical, the rest isn’t as much. Poor baby…

📷 Jihyun/V = White Knight Syndrome 📷

Now I honestly have to say that I’m not sure whether White Knight Syndrome falls in the mental illness category or not, but it fit so perfectly to V and there was very little else I could have come up with, so I’m putting it into the list. Now what exactly is White Knight Syndrome or what are the symptoms:

✓ Fears emotional distance

✓ Is very emotionally vulnerable and sensitive

✓ Has a tendency to idealize the partner

✓ Has an extreme need to be viewed as important or unique

~  Tends to be self-critical or reactively blames, devalues, and manipulate others

In relationships:

✓ Is attracted to a needy partner or a partner with a history of trauma, loss, abuse, or addiction

✓ Fears being separated from the partner, losing the partner’s love or approval, or being abandoned by the partner

✓ Engages in controlling behaviour, often under the guise of helping

✓ Maintains or restores connection with the partner by being extremely helpful or good

✗  Responds ambivalently to the partner’s success

✓ Describes a sense of “oneness” with the partner

✓ Fails to recognize the partner’s manipulative behaviours

✓ Is seduced by the sexual or dramatic behaviour of the partner

✓ Evokes strong feelings in the partner in order to avoid his or her own emotional discomfort

✓ Maintains hope for a gratifying relationship by denying the reality of the partner’s issues

I mean…hello V? Other than the point about his response to his partner being ambivalent everything fits perfectly. That is precisely why I find it so irritating when people describe his feelings towards Rika as love. No, V did not love Rika or at least not in a healthy way. He loved her instability and he was obsessed with the idea of saving her. So much so that he was willing to manipulate, devaluate and fuck over the rest of his friends. The only reason I used ~ on that particular point is because while he is self-critical as well, he never reactively blames anyone but himself. Frankly rightly so. Anyone who thinks that V is in any way innocent is wrong. He didn’t stop Rika. Despite knowing of her plans all along he never once did anything to stop her and therefor he is almost as much at fault as Rika is. In fact my American law he would be charged with accessory to a hefty crime amongst other things earning him a couple of years in prison, just saying. I’m sure his White Knight Syndrome played into why he did what he did, but that doesn’t make him any more innocent nor excuses what torture other people were put through because he put Rika first and did nothing to stop her.

Do you guys ever watch the music video for Sam Smith’s “I’m not the only one” and have all these mess of feelings because of Dianna Agron? Cause I do. I know we’re not supposed to hold an actor to a character, but there’s so much Quinn in the video character… Like, I can totally see that happening if Glee had stayed on air for longer and actually followed Quinn’s story after high school.



I can see Quinn marrying that dude who had a brilliant law future ahead of him and treated her like a princess during college. He was polite, handsome and wealthy and it was what was expected of her. And even after so many years and so many deviations from course, she can’t quite shake the image of the perfect little family she should have, according to her upbringing. She thinks he’s kind of boring but he loves her (at least at first) and she haven’t heard from Rachel in years, so she says yes when he proposes.

The newly weds happiness doesn’t last. She is bored out of her mind being the perfect little housewife and soon enough she starts spending less and less time at home with her. And when Quinn goes to one of his work events and meets one of the only female partners at his firm, she instantly knows, that even if there’s nothing between them yet, it’s only a matter of time. Still, she smiles at the woman, makes small talk and pretends she doesn’t see the way she looks at her husband and the way he looks back at her.

For a while, things go on like that. She’s miserable, lonely and turning a blind eye. She was never in love with him, but she’d thought he was a good man and that he loved her. That illusion is out of the window now. 

One day, though, she sees Rachel’s face in an add somewhere online. And all those feelings she tried so hard to bury for so many years come rushing back with a vengeance at the mere sight of the brunette’s face. 

So she takes a hard look at her life and realizes that she can’t do this anymore. She can’t pretend to be this blind suburban housewife that seat home and does nothing but read romance novels and cook dinner all day. She can’t be miserable anymore. She can’t pretend she’s not still in love with Rachel Berry.

So she tells him. She says that she knows about the affair and that she wants a divorce. He laughs and looks at her like she’s crazy. Pretends not to understand what she’s talking about. Tells her to stop with this nonsense and that he’ll see her later, but that now he’s late for work. He kisses her cheek and leaves, still shaking his head.

Just like that, as if someone flipped a switch, she is head cheerio Quinn Fabray again. No more subdued housewife. HBIC Quinn Fabray is back. This woman knows how to get what she wants. And what she wants is to get divorced from this man, move to New York and fight for a chance to win Rachel’s heart.

She hires a PI to get prove of the affair and once she has it, she makes him sign the divorce and manages to get a really nice check out of him too, for all the humiliation she’s felt, threatening to leak the pictures to his bosses if he doesn’t give her what she wants. The firm has a morality clause and he’d loose his job if work got out, so he agrees. 



And then, finally, she stops denying herself and goes after her dreams. She finds a small place in New York and despite not having worked for the last couple of years, she had been top of her class at Yale and her teachers had loved her. So she sends them a few emails, to see if they have connections in the city. They do, and soon enough she has a job as an assistant editor at one of the city’s biggest publishing houses. She loves it and can’t figure out why she had stopped working when she got married. 



Almost everyday now, she sees Rachel’s face. The girl had made it. Her face was on billboards, on buses and on the  subway as the newest Broadway starlet. For a few months, Quinn is content to admire her from a distance. She goes see Rachel’s show a couple of times, but never goes to the stage door. She is getting used to the city and that’s fine for the moment. She’s just enjoying getting to know the city and Rachel’s probably already with someone anyway, so why go to her, only to have her heart broken?

She finally takes a chance one night when she hadn’t even been to see the show. She’s passing by the theatre where Rachel works and she hears the crowd’s noise get louder outside of the doors and she knows Rachel has just gotten out. She crosses the street and stand by the end of the crowd. Centuries seem to go by before Rachel is done signing everyone’s Playbills and taking selfies, but then it happens. Rachel’s eyes fall on Quinn and they gaze at her, piercing her soul. Several emotions passing through the expressive brown orbs, from surprise, to disbelief to happiness.

“Quinn!” Rachel exclaims, before taking a few steps and evolving the blonde in a tight embrace.

“Hey, Rach” Quinn says, returning the hug just as tightly and enjoying the smell of Rachel’s shampoo filling her nostrils.

They take a step back and smile at each other happily. 

“You’re probably tired from the performance, but, uh, would you like to have a drink with me? We could catch up…”

“Yeah! I’d love too!” Rachel says with excitement. “I know a place.”



And that’s how it starts. The beginning of Quinn’s happy ending.

anonymous asked:

Hello, lovely Cookie~ Since you're brazilian, I'd like to know if you have a Brazil OC? (Mds, your art style is so gorgeous!!! I'm in love with it!)

(adm: Hello there, friend!! Thank you so much for your compliment!! 

Okay, so, I don’t really have a Brazil OC, no. But I felt like I should do one just so I can rant lmao

Brazil OCs are often depicted as happy-go-lucky, “sunshine” characters that are always partying, featuring stereotypical carnival, football and women as his/her main characteristics. Brazil is also known as being very friendly, affectionate and caring. While these personality traits may be true to a portion of the population, that is definitely not how I picture Brazil to be.

My [our, because I know you’re brazillian too, anon friend xD] country is extremely corrupt. We barely have any jobs, and our minimum wage is absoltely ridiculous. The average citizen is assaulted in all kinds of ways: by paying taxes that go directly to our corrupt politicians’ bank accounts, by theives who will not hesitate to take your life to steal your mobile, by paying absurd prices for healthcare, transportation, food and just everything in general because this country is a god damn disaster.

I can’t go outside without fearing death. I can’t go outside without seeing homeless people sleeping on the ground, having them and their children beg you for money and food. I can’t go outside without feeling bad because I have a little more than beggars do, but still can’t afford to spare a single penny since I barely have money for myself. I can’t trust who should be trusted. The people who are in position to save our country not only aren’t trustworthy, but are involved in countless scandals.

I constantly say I hate my country, but I’m going to need to correct myself about that: I hate the people that run this country, and I hate the people who instigate violence, ruining our country even more every single day. 

My wish is to get me and my family out of here, make enough money in a country where I can live and give my family a life with dignity, and invest in saving who I care and if possible, this entire country. I want to someday do something for people who need help. It kills me that until there’s hope to make this possible, I can’t do anything but sit down and watch our country decay.

I do not see Brazil as festive. I see Brazil struggling not to die. That’s the Brazil we live in.)

anonymous asked:

Lmao I'd love to see a day in the life of a teacher at a supernatural school. Like kids who're manifesting or haven't fully gotten control over powers yet, they all keep SHIFTING and DISTRACTING OTHER PUPILS!! And all the special features they'd have to have?? A werewolf timeout room for them to calm down or the CANTEEN must have so many diff options. And then the human kids are just like '... cool'

shfksdjfds tbh i think most of the shenanigans go down when theyre kiddies. like human kids only have the vaguest grasp of supernaturals and supernatural kids would just treat everything with the childlike simplicity all kids have. 

suddenly have the urge to howl? yeah! let’s do it! meanwhile all the preschool teachers are like NO STOP and then every werewolf kid within earshot (and werewolf hearing is so so good, oh god) is howling. all of them. unmanifested harpy kids? they have the tendency to climb onto tables and jump off. kids with witch blood? let’s just hope that they dont accidentally finger paint a rune that causes everybody to get a stomach ache. (in christine’s defense, it wasn’t by accident. she saw the rune in a book, had no idea what it did, and just thought it was pretty enough to paint. uh.)

(”You’re really cool,” Jeremy tells Michael one time while they’re coloring pictures. They were supposed to be outside playing, but somebody pushed Madeline into the mud. Madeline’s a water nymph, so the moment she started crying, it started raining. “You can like, control it already.”

“What?” Michael looks up from where he was very concentrated on coloring inside the lines. “Control what?”

“Y’know,” Jeremy brings his fingers up to his mouth, miming to sharp canines. “Roar. The dragon.”

“Oh,” Michael blinks, trying to find a way to explain to Jeremy the situation in his head. “I’m not controlling anything. I just don’t get what it says, yet. It’s still far away.”

“Is it gonna get closer?” he asks Michael, slightly worried now.

“Yeah, but I can handle it,” Michael grins. “It’s just me, anyway. Just another part of me.”)

by the time kids get into middle school i figure it’s just the usual puberty problems but this time with some added pizzazz. people get taller, voices change, acne shows up, and the supernaturals start shifting for the first time. “why were you absent for three days?” “i turned into a seal for a while.” “oh okay, anyway here’s the homework you missed.”

(”Apparently I’m a late bloomer,” Michael grumbles to Jeremy on the phone, or something. “Which sucks. This sucks. Like everybody awkwardly shifting now is okay, but me? I’ll probably end up shifting when I’m forty.”

“Does that happen?” Jeremy asks, really annoyed with how his voice can’t just choose a pitch and stick with it. “Manifesting that late?”

“I dunno, probably. I get two fuckin’ puberties, basically, and they couldn’t even at least just happen at the same time? So that it’s over with? This sucks.”

“At least you don’t have braces, man.” Jeremy says. This is his go-to statement for any time Michael gets too caught up in how his life sucks.

“Fair,” Michael concedes sagely. “At least I don’t have braces.”)

high school is probably lax because by this point everybody is a bit more in control and settled with whatever it is they are. of course, with this comes confidence, and with confidence comes all sorts of hilarious possibilities. (just….high school drama but with supernaturals….god….)

jsjkhfksdj so yeah schools in this verse are wild. but eh i figure everybodys used to it by now.

anonymous asked:

WHERE ARE THE LADIES AT?? Could I get that soulmate au thing with some of our overwatch ladies? Plsplspls I'd love u if u included Tracer, Mei & Ana! Thank you!! Luv the blog btw x

Part 3 is here with Symmetra, DVa, and Zarya!

Right here are the ladies part 1 and 2 and the guys parts 1 and 2

Symmetra

- Wants to find her soulmate but is also afraid to

- Even though she believes they’re for the greater good, she’s made some questionable decisions while working for Vishkar

- She finally decides to turn on Vishkar. Overwatch is newly reformed, maybe they can help where governments turn a blind eye

- So she takes information from Vishkar, but there’s a problem: she doesn’t know how to find Overwatch. But she knows who does

- She almost dies of shock when Lucio actually takes her call, and again when he listens and gives her a rendezvous point

- An agent reaches down a hand to pull her into the helicopter, and the world lights up when she takes it

- Both of you look at each while you pull her in, but neither of you say anything. You reach the base and Satya hands off her information and becomes a member of Overwatch

- She wants to find you, but she didn’t see your face, only your bare hand. It’s hard to find someone based on a hand

- “Excuse me,” a voice says and she turns to look at it. “I believe you and I know each other, or at least, we’re supposed to.”

DVa

- Half wants to find them, half doesn’t

- Of course she wants to find her soulmate, who doesn’t? But she’s also a celebrity and she’s afraid of her soulmate caring more about that than about her

- One day, she makes a snack run to get some local baked goods she plans on eating during a steam later

- She didn’t expect to collide head on with someone running down the sidewalk because they’re late

- She especially didn’t expect the entire world to have burst into a myriad of colors when she opens her eyes

- “Oh my god I’m so sorr-…. OH MY GOD IT’S YOU, I’M SO SORRY U CAN’T STAY, I KNOW WE’RE SOULMATES, BUT IT’S MY FIRST DAY ON THE JOB AND I’M GONNA BE LATE AND I NEED THIS JOB”

- Hana is a little dazed by all the colors and barely notices what’s happening until a piece of paper us in her hand and her soulmate us running down the street again

- The paper has a name, a number, and a heart written on it

- When she gets home she texts the number, “Hey, it’s me. When do you get off work? Wanna meet up?”

- It’s not fair, I didn’t think they were going to be so adorable she thinks.

- It’s a few months before you appear on a stream. You bring you a refill of her drink and everybody asks who you are. “Oh, that’s my soulmate, [Name],” she says nonchalantly as her entire fan base (and celebrity tabloids) explode from the news

Zarya

- Zarya looks for her soulmate wherever she goes, searching for any change in her vision

- It takes years to find them, but she never gives up

- She ends up meeting them the one time she’s not on the lookout

- A little girl comes up to her and asks her for an picture, please, you’re my hero Miss Zarya

- She can’t say no and the two take a selfie together

- That’s when you come up, “I’m sorry I hope my niece didn’t bother you, she’s a great admirer of yours”

- “Of course not! It was my pleasure to meet her! And you too!” she sticks out her hand to shake yours

- You take and both gasp when your vision turns to color. The next moment you’re caught up in a crushing hug

- Your niece is almost as happy at finding your soulmate as you are. She’s even more excited that it’s her hero (she takes credit for you two meeting and she totally deserves it)

The Deity of Comfy Pjs and Sweaters - Part 2

This was requested once and I wanted to do some smut because practice makes perfect I guess. I also tried a different perspective so instead of you, I wrote as I. 

Peter Parker x fem!reader

SEND IN REQUESTS

A/N: Because it is a continuation of the previous imagine that left off right before the freaky stuff happened, this is like all smut. Also, I couldn’t figure out a way to end it so the ending is weird, but I really hope you enjoy. Please tell me if you liked it!

Warnings: Oral, smut (It’s like all smut) Only my second smut and I am attempting a new narrative I tried hard though

I stood up grabbing Peter’s hand and pulling him off the couch. He connected our lips hard and fast, I could tell he wanted this. I pulled away from the kiss and lead him to his room giggling slightly as he tried to kiss my neck. 

He pushed me back against the door, kissing my neck. He started removing his sweater from me and kissed down between my breasts. He reached back and tried to remove my bra, but just fumbled around whining a bit when he got frustrated. “I got it, Peter. You’re so adorable.” I laughed, reaching around to undo my clip when it fell from my shoulders, his breath hitched in his throat. 

“You are so beautiful y/n. I’m so lucky,” he stated breathily as he kissed and sucked my nipples. I moaned out and pulled on his hair, causing him to moan. I pushed him away and grabbed his shirt, pulling it off of him. I kissed down his neck and pulled him towards the bed, falling back into it with him on top of me. 

“Peter I want you so bad,” I whined as he ground his hips into where I needed him most. He chuckled at my plead and kissed down to my shorts, taking them off swiftly. My breath caught in my throat as he slowly and teasingly took off my panties. “Peter, please.” I moaned out, my hips bucking. He smiled at me as he connected his lips with mine. I grabbed the sheet biting back a moan as he swirled his tongue around my clit. My hips squirmed at the sensation, but Peter’s hand held me down so he could continue his work. “Ugh, yes Peter,” I called out removing my hands from the sheets and placing them in his hair. His movements causing the familiar heat in my abdomen to build. He inserted two fingers into me, causing me to moan his name, his one hand gripped me tighter. The heat was getting intense and I knew I'd be pushed over the edge soon. 

“I’m gonna cum, Peter.” I moaned and he quickened his pace, flicking his tongue over my clit and pumping his fingers in and out of me at a bruising pace. I screamed his name as I came, white clouding my vision and blurring any other sensations. Peter helped me ride out my orgasm with his finger pumping slowly. “That was so hot y/n,” he said looking at me with awe. 

“That was amazing Peter, let me help you now,” I panted, sitting up I crawled over to the end of the bed where Peter was still sitting. Laying my hand on his clothed dick, he moaned at the feeling. “Y/n, It’s okay, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want.” 

“Shh, I want to. I think about it all the time.” he moaned in response, the thought of you getting off to sucking his dick was a pretty picture. I motioned for him to stand so I could take off all his clothes. I kneeled down to his boxers and looked him in the eyes. He was staring at me with hooded eyes and a gaping mouth, it’s like he couldn’t believe this was happening. I pulled his boxers down and his cock sprang out, he moaned a bit when the cold air hit his dick. I grabbed it in my hands and started pumping, trying to maintain eye contact. His head was back and he was breathing hard with his hands at his sides. I grabbed his hands and brought them to my hair, he got what I wanted and held it in a makeshift ponytail. I put my hands back on his cock pumping slowly, he hissed and his hips bucked towards me. I brought my mouth closer to his dick and lightly licked the tip, his hips thrust forward, forcing him into my mouth making me gag as it was so unexpected. He pulled away looking at me with concern. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I… It… It just felt so good.” he said. I smiled and laughed. 

“It’s okay, just not so unexpected this time.” I then took him back into my mouth swirling my tongue over the tip. His head fell back as a grunt left his lips, “Yes, that feels great,” I started bobbing my head back and forth my hands pumping the bit that didn’t fit in my mouth. Peter’s breathing got faster and laboured. “Oh god Y/n, I’m gonna cum. Please don’t stop” He begged as he thrust into my mouth, causing me to gag slightly. I swirled my tongue around him again and bobbed my head faster, hollowing my cheeks so I could get more friction. He moaned out and gripped my hair hard as he came, the cum shot into my mouth, I swallowed all of it almost gagging in the process. “Ugh, that was great. So hot.” he panted and laid down onto the bed. I laid down and pulled the sheets over us and snuggled close to him. 

We just listened to each other breathe for a while in bed until we knew that if we fell asleep, we would be caught in the morning and get in a lot of trouble. So we got up and changed. “I love you y/n. So much.” Peter said, holding my face in his hands, looking at with me with so much adoration, I could almost feel my heart explode. “I love you too Peter,” I replied and kissed him on the cheek. I decided that it was probably a good time to leave so I gathered my things and headed to the door, “Good night Peter, see you tomorrow at school.” I kissed him and left. 

anonymous asked:

Autistic people are often framed as having only a singular, heavily involved "special interest", or perhaps 2 or 3, to the absolute exclusion of anything else. While I know this is likely true for some, I can't imagine that every autistic person ever doesn't have multiple hobbies or interests pursued with varying degrees of engagement. The sense I get from the NT-written things I've encountered make autistic folk seem very one-dimensional. I'd like some help clearing this up, please!

This is one of those topics that hasn’t really been researched, as far as I can tell, so I’ll be sticking to my usual method of speaking for myself and inviting autistic followers to add their thoughts. I can in no way claim to speak for everyone, but am happy to share my perspective.

First off, let me explain how a special interest works for me with a simple metaphor: falling in love. When I first come across a new special interest, its eyes sparkle at me from across the room. I get a tiny taste of it, a fragment of information or a glimpse of a picture, and a spark flies, and a fuse lights, and a bomb of euphoria goes off in my head. This thing, this thing right here, is quite clearly the most amazing, important thing I’ve ever come across. This thing is frigging incredible, the best thing that’s ever happened, and the world needs to know.

I become obsessed. I gobble up information wherever I can find it. I learn everything there is to know as quickly as I possibly can. I become an expert on this thing in a remarkably short amount of time. This is LOVE, man. Well, more accurately, this is infatuation. Puppy love. That drug-like rush of chemicals in your brain when you feel you’ve found THE ONE. I talk about it constantly, much to the annoyance of those around me who just don’t quite understand why this thing, this one thing, is so amazingly great that I need to rant about it to the exclusion of everything else in the world. (Especially since they’ve heard it all before.) Just talking about it gives me a rush of euphoria. Sometimes I can see that those around me aren’t interested, but I just can’t stop. The words pour out of me, the excitement radiates off of me, I can’t be ignored, can’t be interrupted. This is like nothing that has ever happened before! Surely, if I can explain it well enough, everyone else will see, too, right? Right?

If you’ve never been in this kind of love, you might not have learned this lesson yet, but here it comes, folks: that kind of love doesn’t last. That euphoric high that results when your brain decides to take a bath in happy chemicals - it’s just physically impossible to sustain it. Eventually, the high, the firey passion, wears off. For me, this usually takes about a year. I’ve read and watched and learned everything I can about this thing. It’s been the center point of my life for a long time, the thing that gets me out of bed in the morning. And one day, suddenly, it just… doesn’t hold the same appeal. It’s not that I don’t love it anymore! I will always love it. But the love changes. It becomes the old, familiar love that comes with time. You don’t get that high from being together anymore, but that doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy each other’s company. You no longer try to persuade the world that this one is the one, is the best thing ever. You no longer need to. This love just settles into the back of your mind, always there, always a comfort, always ready to give you a hug when you need it.

The expertise I’ve gained from all my intensive research, that stays. I will always know just about all there is to know about that thing (at least, all there was to know when I was researching it). I’ll always be able to call that knowledge to mind later on, when it’s useful. And I’ve developed quite the reputation for being a “know-it-all”. I always seem to have some random, obscure fact right on the tip of my tongue, and it’s usually debunking some common misconception that my friends would just as soon keep on having rather than feeling like they’re constantly under attack by that one girl who just HAS to know EVERYTHING.

But it doesn’t feel that way for me. A key difference I’ve noted in communication between autistic and allistic people, and the source of a large percentage of our miscommunications in life, is this: allistic people communicate to bond emotionally and to establish and display power and dominance or submission. Autistic people communicate to share information. When I correct someone, it’s because I know that if I was wrong, I would want to be given the correct information, so I could stop being wrong. But when an allistic person is corrected like that, they take it as an attack on their status, a display of power, and a denial of their feelings. The “golden rule” doesn’t always work. It’s a constant problem.

In any case, I have always been described as someone obsessive. Someone who finds one thing (although it’s often two, three, even four things at a time) and just obsessively learns everything about it and won’t shut up about it for months and months on end. And that really does seem to be true, in a sense. I have very extreme levels of interest. Either something is amazing and I need to know everything about it, or it just doesn’t catch my interest at all. There isn’t much in between.

On the other hand, due to all the many special interests I’ve had over my more than three decades of life, I have built up quite a broad range of interests. I never lost any of them. All of those things still interest me now, and when someone brings one of them up in conversation, I still get a spark of the old obsessiveness deep inside. As a result, I now seem to have a wide range of interests, some of which I’m overtly obsessive about, and others which I keep on file, ready to pull out whenever they’re needed. When I was young, that probably wasn’t the case. It’s likely that I may have been viewed as somewhat one-dimensional as a child, obsessed with just a few things and completely uncaring about everything else. (And when my parents, trying to make me act “normal”, tried separating me from my special interests, the pain was as crushing as being forced to leave your True Love because the rest of the world doesn’t want you to be together - and only made my obsession stronger.)

What I want you to understand is that I don’t see that as a negative thing in any way. An allistic person might see that narrow range of interests and think “oh the poor thing, it’s like she lives in a tiny world and is missing so much of life!” But from my perspective, it’s allistic people who are missing out. Allistic people never seem particularly interested in anything, not by my standards. From where I’m standing, it looks like allistics just drift through life, dabbling in a little of everything but never mastering anything, never finding any real interest, never getting any real, intense joy out of any of their hobbies. An allistic person might say to me, “Yeah, I do a little crocheting, but I’m not really that into it.” And in my mind, I’ll think… then why do it at all? How horribly unsatisfying must it be to go through your entire life, never falling in love with anything you do? Never feeling that euphoria that I get to experience over and over again every time I find a new interest?

Autistic and allistic brains are specialized differently. Allistic brains are best at navigating social rules and structures and internalizing broad strokes and large categories. They look at a table for the first time and think: “That’s a table.” And that’s pretty much as far as they go. They might spend a few seconds to note the material or color or overall condition of the table, but that’s it. 

Autistic brains are specialized in details. It means we have more information to process, all those details without any mechanism for discarding the ones that aren’t important, but it also means we get to see everything about something. I see that new table and I can get lost in tracing the patterns of the grain for hours on end. Sure, it takes me longer, but I get a lot more out of it, and I get a joy from that which allistic people just don’t seem to get.

It’s similar with our interests. Allistics have broad interests, dipping their toe into the shallow ends of a thousand different pools but never really diving in. Autistics have narrow but intense interests. We absorb every detail, and in doing so experience an intense and wonderful euphoria. Honestly, sometimes I feel sorry for all the allistic people in the world who never get to experience that. The poor things… ;)

-Mod Aira

For me, I can have both special interests and normal-level interests. Just because I have stuff that I really really love and am passionate about doesn’t mean I can’t also have other interests, that I’m not quite as passionate about but that I like to dabble in from times to times or as a part of my routine. I do not feel however the urge or will to research them in more depth. There is joy that I can derive from it, but there is not the same “drive” to pursue it. I’d say that’s the main difference between a regular interest and what we call a special interest: a drive to learn about it, talk about it, read about it, build projects about it, engage with it, that is much stronger. So one person can have one or a few special interests, but I’d say it’s not always to the exclusion of everything else.

I think the intensity of special interests, their “obsessiveness” and whether or not the person likes to engage with other subjects that their special interests depends a lot from one person to the next. My special interests sound less intense than what Aira is describing, and I may have more varied non-special interests. So really I’d say this is something that depends a lot from one person to the next.

I also want to add that just because someone has a narrow range of interests doesn’t mean they’re one-dimensional: I’ve seen a special interest described as a lense through which you understand the world. The world is large, and even if you have only one such “lense”, that’s a lot of things to discover with that unique point of view.

-Mod Cat