if you don't use a condom

MBTI Types as Pick-Up Lines
  • INFJ: Can I follow you? Because my mom told me to follow my dreams.
  • ISFJ: When I’m older, I’ll look back at all of my crowning memories, and I’ll think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you
  • ENFJ: I write your name in the sky but the clouds blow it away. I write your name in the sand but the waves wash it away. I write your name in my heart and forever it will stay.
  • ESFJ: Since we’ve been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
  • INTP: Dang girl, are you an appendix because I don't understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.
  • ISTP: Hey boy, are you sleep? Cause I don't get nearly enough of you and it's ruining my social, emotional, and over all mental health.
  • ENTP: I was recently diagnosed with a rare disease called cryoaudiovascularia. It prohibits proper blood flow to the ears, causing them to slowly freeze and fall off, slowly spreading to the inner ear and finally to the brain. There is no known cure, except one. My ears need to be constantly warmed, and the only known material soft enough is the inner thighs of a pretty girl. So I need you to sit on my face for medical reasons.
  • ESTP: I bet I can kiss you on the lips without touching you. *kiss* Oh what a shame, it seems like I lost the bet.
  • INTJ: You look familiar, didn’t we take a class together? I could’ve sworn we had chemistry.
  • ISTJ: Most people like to watch the Superbowl cuz it only happens once a year, but I'd rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone like you only happens once in a lifetime.
  • ENTJ: I'm an army recruiter, and I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my place and "be all you can be."
  • ESTJ: You know how I got these guns? *points to biceps* Lifting children out of poverty.
  • INFP: I blog about you sometimes.
  • ISFP: Of all your beautiful curves, your smile is by far my favorite.
  • ENFP: Fascinating. I’ve been looking at your eyes all night long, ’cause I’ve never seen such dark eyes with so much light in them.
  • ESFP: Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room across the street.
The Guest House

Description: Yoongi the hostel owner slowly develops a rapport with a girl and her friends that keep visiting.  Maybe a bit of a flirtatious one.  Maybe even a little crush.  One night he gets protective on a date gone bad and it leads to smut.

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Smut (M)

Word Count: 7.1k

A/N: So, basically, this is based off an experience I had last week. Not the smut part (ughhhhh), but the whole hostel owner coming to save the day when this dude just wouldn’t get the hint and leave. I relayed the experience to @ellieljade , because I needed her to die with me, and we both decided it should be used for smut fuel. Like grown adults. 

Keep reading

condoms??

a lot of people ask me why I write smut with condoms. like why do I write a scene with the guy putting on the condom when a lot of fics don’t.

I just want to promote safe sex and remind y'all that it’s never too late to put on a condom. like no matter what situation you’re in, never forget about protection. it won’t ruin the mood and if it does then you shouldn’t be having sex with someone who doesn’t want to protect themselves and you. remember safe sex everyone 👍🏽❤️

Always use protection.
  • Alby: I've been hearing some rumours about boys developing feelings for Y/N, now I just want to make it clear that Y/N is off limits for now.
  • Newt: What?
  • Gally: That's not fair!
  • Minho: Wait, for now? So when will she be available?
  • Alby: When and if the box ever sends up condoms and birth control pills.
  • Newt: ...
  • Gally: ....
  • Minho: ....
  • Alby: Don't give me that look! You're all shuckfaces already, I don't want Shuck faced babies running around here!
  • Minho: Yes, but what if we find out we're the only humans left! And we need to repopulate the world?
  • Alby: Oh? So you're telling me Gorillas put us here? And send us supplies every week?
  • Minho: I'd prefer to say aliens.
  • Newt: Minho stop talking.
  • Minho: Do you, or do you not want to get laid some day?
  • Oscar: Hey, your name is Ruby, right?
  • Ruby: Yep! You must be Oscar.
  • Oscar: I am. It's very nice to meet you
  • Ruby: Qrow said you were new here. I am too! Wanna go exploring with me? I mean, unless you have other plans...
  • Ozpin: Ask her to take her tits out!
  • Oscar: Wha-NO! Of course not!
  • Ruby: Awesome, where do you want to go? We could go to the market, down main street,
  • Ozpin: Take her to your place!
  • Oscar: My place?
  • Ruby: Your place?
  • Oscar: UM
  • Ruby: Don't you you're moving a bit fast?
  • Ozpin: IT'S ON! You're getting some tonight!
  • Oscar: No I'm not!
  • Ruby: Oh, well, I mean, I guess it can sometimes be normal to, well, I mean, I've never, uh-
  • Ozpin: Alright, you know how to use a condom, right?
  • Oscar: I don't even have a condom!
  • Ruby: ..........
  • Ruby, running away: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG!
Hamilton characters as things I've heard in class
  • Hamilton: I have a pretty big ass I don't get it I'm a dude, I mean, it's a good ass though
  • Burr: Who was the person, who <i>FUCKED</i> A LLAMA.
  • Laurens: What can I say, I like nudes and dudes
  • Lafayette: Bitch I'm <i>proud</i> of my nipples
  • Hercules Mulligan: How about this pick up line, <b>*clears throat*</b> neener neener here's my wiener
  • Washington: JUST KILL YOURSELF ALREADY IF YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR FREAKING LINES
  • Eliza: Did you really just wake me up to ask if weed I legal in Texas
  • Angelica: I regret my parents not using a condom
  • Peggy: Are you talking to me or the pasta?
  • King George: okay today I will be reading "Love Letter to Suzy"; <b>clears throat</b> Dear Suzy, you are a bitch, but you're my bitch now
  • Philip: Are ducks mammals?
  • Maria Reynolds: I must strip, it is my natural instinct
  • Jefferson: You make me want to kill myself but I mean that in the best possible way
  • Madison: This isn't small talk, this is depressing talk
  • <b> *Bonus*</b>
  • Jefferson: Bitch I got head that night
  • Hamilton: BET
  • Jefferson: I DID, FIGHT ME
  • Hamilton: YOUR DOG DOESN'T COUNT
Warning notice for younger Choices players

Don’t go on a (private) plane with a stranger. Especially when they say they’re a royal from a far away country! Human trafficking is a real thing, you know. (TRR)

As a woman, you don’t go to a secluded place with four male strangers. That’s how some stories start….and not necessarily good ones! (TRR)

Spending some time in a foreign city all on your own with a complete stranger? Don’t do that! Please. At least, take a friend with you. (As if that would make any any difference, but anyway). (ROE)

Take time to look after yourself! Don’t let others get you down. And stand your ground. And walk away from any toxic person. (TF)

Use condoms, kids. (ROE)

Don’t try to get anyone to like you just for the hell of it. (ES)

Being hot-blooded isn’t always the best idea. (TCATF)

me at the doctor's
  • my doctor: have you had oral sex in the last month
  • me: *don't say thrussy don't say thrussy*
  • me: yes
  • my doctor: did you use an oral condom
  • me: *resisting all urge to say conthrusseptive*
  • me: nope

anonymous asked:

Aphobes are saying how sex ed is now the devil and it's a fucking ~grooming tactic~, assflash newsholes here in the UK we get puberty talks at 10, sex ed at about 14 and the age of consent is 16 and even THEN atleast my school recognizes that teenagers are gonna have sex before then and instead of doing jack shit /they have a service that provides condoms and safe sex advice/ so shut the FUCK up aphobes you don't know SHIT

Even in the US I had my first sex ed class at 11? And contrary to what aphobes would have you believe, nobody died.

  • Remus: are your feet warm?
  • Regulus: im wearing socks
  • Remus: can I put my feet on them Then?
  • Regulus: no
  • Remus: Why not?
  • Regulus: what if you get sick too?
  • Remus: Youre wearing socks!
  • Regulus: well sometimes people can get pregnant even if they use a condom
  • Remus: ...WELL YOU AREN'T WEARING CONDOMS ON YOUR FEET!

Say what you want about Sterek but I’ve never read so many fics where the overlying message is trust, consent, and safe sex.

anonymous asked:

What about Harry and you in a relationship -> You don't want to take the anti baby pill, because it's unhealthy and you're gonna gain weight. What would be his reaction? Would he be like "Well okay, then we use condoms" or like "But I don't want to use condoms forever.. Like a amount of time it's okay, but then.." WHAT WOULD HE BE LIKEEE I think he would be like the second one.

I THINK SO TOO

He wouldn’t force you to do it because it’s your body and he respects and loves you way too much, but sometimes he’d come up and press against your back, pushing his thick bulge against you and moaning softly into the back of your neck, forehead flushed against the curve of the back of your skull.

His voice is all whiney and needy, words a quivering whimper as he grips your hips tightly and grinds his swollen cock against your bum. “God, I wanna feel you, baby. Wanna feel how warm and slick you get around me. Wanna feel you bare, squeezing me so fucking tight and dripping all over m'cock.”

Harry licks a damp stripe down the side of your neck, digging his teeth into the junction where your shoulder and throat meet, nose pressing against the end of your left collarbone. He’s panting and grunting quietly, mewling nonstop.

“Need it so bad, darling. Please?”

It’s such a no-no to oppose birth control pills or any other forms of invasive contraceptives. To say that you think they are harmful. People always respond with, oh no hormones are totally fine to ingest, and the side of effects aren’t that bad. Here I am pimply depressed no libido, but I enjoy this?? They think you are promoting unsafe sex practices. Or ask like, what are the alternatives then. And the gasps of horror at the suggestion of long term condom use in a monogamous relationship. What?? In a monogamous relationship? Long term use?? Or the suggestion that sex doesn’t have to be penetrative. How do you do the sex?? Women shouldn’t have to risk their health to have sex with men. What??? Sun rises in the east????

Brother’s Best Friend

Originally posted by hoodzer

AU where the narrator is Mikey’s younger sister. Gif is not mine. Warning: Smut, Foul language.

“Damn. When did his sister get so hot?” I smiled to myself, hearing Luke’s failed whisper. I went to grab a cup out of the cabinet, stretching just a little more than needed.

“I dunno, man, but this last year has done her well.” Calum whispered back, not much quieter than Luke. I felt their stares flick down my body and felt a sense of pride. It had been nearly a year since I’d seen any of my brother’s friends, due to their tour. And in that year, I’d definitely matured physically.

“I’d like to do her well if you know what I mean.” I nearly laughed out loud at Ashton’s dirty pun, but I managed to restrain it. If Michael heard anything they were saying, he’d skin them alive. Mikey is an overprotective type of older brother. Especially when it comes to his own bandmates.

“How old is she, again?” Calum asked.

“17. Young and sweet.” I smirked at Luke’s ‘Dancing Queen’ reference. I turned around and saw all three of the boys quickly shift their gazes from me to anything else in the room. I walked to the fridge and bent down to grab the apple juice out of the bottom.

“I swear to god, she’s doing it on purpose.” Calum whispered again. I stood up and poured some juice before hopping up onto the countertop, opposite the three boys.

“Remind me again why you three losers are here?” I took a sip of apple juice as I stared at each of them in turn. I couldn’t help but notice just how hot they all were, each in their own way.

“We were supposed to have band practice, but your brother hasn’t shown up yet.” Luke replied, obviously irritated with my idiot brother. I rolled my eyes at them.

“Then why don’t you guys just go home. I doubt he’ll be home before 7 anyway.” I finished off my drink, jumped off the counter, and put my glass in the sink. I felt all three of them watching my butt sway as I walked out of the kitchen. When I was out of sight, I stopped.

“Do you think she knows how sexy she is?” Ashton’s voice could be heard from the kitchen. I smiled, suspicions confirmed.

“Oh, she knows exactly how sexy she is. Did you not see the way she was acting?” Calum answered Ash’s question with another question.

“You do know Mikey would rip us to shreds if he knew we were talking like that about his sister, right?” Luke chimed in to the conversation. I pictured the other two nodding sadly.

“Well, I’m gonna go home. She’s probably right about Michael not showing up for a while.” I heard Ashton stand up and his keys jingle and I hid behind the couch.

“Yeah, me too. I’m hungry and I really want some Chinese food.” Calum was the next to leave. When I heard Calum’s car pull out of the driveway, I re-entered the kitchen. Luke sat alone at the table, tapping his fingers to the music in his head. I coughed, causing him to look up in confusion.

“Scare off your band mates, Hemmings?” I teased. Luke had always been my favorite, and I think he knew that. He was the only one I would talk to for the first month of the band’s career.

“Nah, they got sick of waiting for Michael and left.” I sat down in the chair next to him and he turned to face me.

“Yeah, I don’t blame them. Mikey’s almost never on time to anything.” I rolled my eyes, remembering the countless times I’d been late to school because of my idiot brother.

“See, I’m always perfectly on time to everything.” Luke joked. I smiled, I couldn’t resist. I had to say it.

“Oh, you never come too early, then?” Luke turned beet red and let out a small chuckle. The next words out of his mouth shocked me.

“I don’t know, want to find out?” My jaw hung open and I barely held in my laugh.

“Luke Robert Hemmings! I had no idea you thought that way about me!” I was teasing him, of course, but he took it a bit more seriously.

“We both know that’s a lie. I know you heard us whispering about you earlier. We are absolutely awful at whispering.” I sat in shock. He knew I knew? “And don’t even try to deny the fact that you like me, too. I’ve seen the way you look at me. The way yo-” I surged forward and pressed my lips to his. One of my hands rested on his upper thigh, the other grabbed the back of his head and held his lips against mine.

Holy hell. I’m actually kissing him. I couldn’t believe I’d actually worked up enough courage to kiss my brother’s best friend. Luke’s arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me out of my chair and into his lap. The hand that was on his thigh came up and ran through his hair. I pressed my body against his, causing him to moan into the kiss. One of Luke’s hands drifted downward and squeezed my ass

“Anyone home?” I heard Michael’s voice echo through the house and practically threw myself back into my seat across from Luke. Luke’s hair was messy and I was sure I was blushing.

“Yeah! In the kitchen!” I called back to my brother. Luke attempted to tame his hair and I tried to cool my cheeks. Michael stepped into the kitchen and saw us sitting across from each other.

“I missed band practice again, didn’t I?” Michael seemed disappointed by himself as he slumped into a chair. Luke nodded at him and my brother’s shoulders sunk more.

“Well, I’m gonna go up to my room. I will see you later!” I stood up and hurried myself out of the room.

**Two days later**

I heard the doorbell ring and rolled out of bed, trudging down the stairs and to the front door. I opened it and stared in confusion at the person in front of me.

“Luke? What-” Before I could finish my sentence, Luke grabbed my face and pressed his lips against mine. My first instinct was to push him away, and I nearly did. But before I could, Luke slowly backed us into my house and kicked the door shut behind him. By that time, I had surrendered to the kiss and let my hands wander to the back of his neck. We kept walking backwards until we hit a wall. I moaned as my back pressed against the cool surface. Luke pressed his body against mine, effectively pinning me. He grabbed my wrists and pinned them to the wall above my head. He held my hands with one of his large ones and the other wandered down my body.

“You’re not a virgin, are you?” Luke broke the kiss to ask. I shook my head, breathing still not fully recovered. He smiled and pressed his lips to my neck. I was so focused on his mouth, I forgot about his wandering hand. At least, until he shoved it down the front of my sweat pants.

“God, Luke!” I moaned as Luke rubbed my bare core. He smirked and brought his head up to whisper in my ear.

“Mm, baby, I like the way you sound.” Luke’s long finger teased at my folds, forcing another moan from my mouth. I struggled against his hold on my wrists, aching to touch him the way he was touching me. Luke smiled, pulling his hand out of my pants. I sighed at the loss of contact. “We should go upstairs.”

“Good idea.” My voice was barely more than a whisper. He let go of my hands and stepped back from me. I nearly stumbled, but I composed myself in enough time. I grabbed Luke’s hand and led him up the steps to my bedroom. When the door shut behind him, I pinned Luke against it. I pinned his wrists on either side of his torso and pressed my lips against his neck, nipping and sucking in different places. I left more than one or two dark spots on his skin. It wasn’t long until Luke decided that he’d had enough teasing. He freed his hands from my grasp and tugged his shirt over his head. I bit my lip as I stared at his lean torso.

“Your turn.” Luke’s voice was lusty and deep. I stepped back and pulled my shirt off. He bit his bottom lip as he stared at my nearly bare chest. He reached out and pulled me against him. His right hand came up behind my back and unfastened my bra in one quick movement. His face was inches from mine as he slowly slipped the straps off my shoulders. I arched my back away from Luke just enough to let my bra tumble to the ground between our feet. I pressed my chest against his again, skin rubbing on skin. My fingers strayed to his belt loops and hooked in. I turned us around, trapping myself against the wall again. With my hold on his jeans, I pulled Luke’s hips against mine. He moaned at the rough contact and ground his hips into me.

“Take your pants off. Now.” My voice was a low growl. I needed him. Fast. Luke wasted no time complying to my demands, undoing his jeans faster than I had ever seen before. In the blink of an eye, Luke stood before me in nothing but his boxers. I smirked and walked right past him. I felt his eyes on me as I slowly slid my sweats down my legs, being sure to keep my knees locked. Before I stood all the way back up, I felt Luke’s hands grip my hips. He pulled my ass flush against his crotch, grinding into me. I straightened out slowly, Luke’s hands traveling up my body. His hands came to rest over my boobs, giving them a gentle squeeze. His mouth came so close to my ear, I could feel his breath.

“Do you have any idea just how sexy you are?” I smiled and ground my ass back into his increasingly hard erection.

“I do now.” I turned around in his arms, kissing him again. One hand rested flat on my back, the other ventured downward and gave my ass a firm squeeze. My arms wrapped around his back, pulling his body against mine. I felt him back us up until my calves hit the bed. Luke pushed me backwards onto the bed, crawling on top of me. I pulled myself up to the pillows, Luke’s lips trailing down my body as I moved. When I stopped, his lips were even with my hip bones. He smirked at me and pressed an open-mouthed kiss to my skin.

“I’ll bet you’re a loud one.” He teased, pressing another kiss a little lower. I let my head flop back onto the pillows as Luke’s head dipped even lower. I wiggled my hips when I felt him pull back. I let out a loud moan when he dragged the flat of his tongue up the length of my slit. He smirked and hooked his fingers in the band of my underwear, dragging them slowly down my legs. He left little kisses as he made his way back up my legs. When his breath fanned across my wet folds, I couldn’t fight the shudder that coursed down my spine. His lips attached to my clit, sucking lightly.

“Fuck, Luke!” I moaned, fingers weaving through his hair. His tongue flicked out and softly prodded the nub, encouraging another loud moan. Luke left my clit in favor of licking another slow stripe up my center. He hummed quietly as he got a taste of just how wet I was for him. I whimpered as Luke’s tongue teased lightly at my entrance. When he slipped a finger inside me, I pulled on his hair, earning a soft moan from his plump lips. I pulled his head away from my center and up to my lips, needing the feeling of his lips on mine again. His kiss was rough and dominating as he added another finger to slide in and out of my wet entrance. I moaned his name again, breaking the kiss.

“God I love the way you say my name, baby. C'mon, let everyone know who’s making you feel this good.” Luke doubled his efforts on my core and within a few seconds I was on the brink of paradise.

“Luke, baby.” I whimpered, unable to get much more out. He smirked and sucked my clit back into his mouth, effectively sending me over the edge. Stars and spots danced in my vision as my back arched in pleasure. My grip on Luke’s hair tightened so much I pulled a few strands out. When I finally came down from the clouds, Luke was grinning with a victorious glint in his eyes.

“You’re beautiful.” He mumbled, capturing my lips with his again. I could taste myself on his tongue, and it was oddly arousing. I moaned into his mouth, wrapping my arms around his neck. Luke somehow moved us so that I was straddling his hips, my center rubbing over his hard-on. His arms wrapped around my waist, holding my bare body against his. I trailed my kisses across his jaw, pausing to leave a dark purple spot just below his ear, before trailing down his neck. Luke’s hands gripped my hips, moving me to create a delicious friction between us. His fingers dug into my skin almost painfully, no doubt leaving little finger-shaped bruises.

“Fuck, Luke. Hurry up and fuck me already, you asshat.” I moaned as his hips bucked up against mine. Pressing one last hard kiss to my lips, Luke laid me down on the bed and stripped off his boxers. I bit my lip at the sight of him. The head blushed an angry pink, a little pearl of pre-cum gracing the tip of it. I couldn’t help but imagine how good he tasted and how much I wanted him in my mouth. But a blow-job would have to wait. I knew exactly what I needed and where I needed it.

“You ready for this, baby? Cause I sure am.” Luke whispered, giving himself a few tugs to prepare. I wiggled a little on the bed and let out a small whimper in anticipation. Luke took that as a yes and smiled, running his tongue over his lower lip. He hovered over me, guiding himself to my entrance. As he finally sank into me, I let out a loud moan of satisfaction. I’d been with a few other guys, but none of them felt like Luke did. He filled me in ways the others could never even dream of. When I opened my eyes, Luke’s face hovered above mine. His eyes were screwed shut and his mouth hung open. He looked so perfect I almost wanted to take a picture.

“Move, Luke. For the love of god, move!” I whispered, breathless from the level of pleasure he was making me feel. Luke slowly drew himself out, breathing heavily already. As he pressed back into me, he let out the most arousing moan I’d ever heard from a guy. I felt every inch of him as he slowly pulled back out and in again.

“Fuck, you feel so fucking good, baby.” Luke praised between gritted teeth. I bit my lip and bucked my hips up to meet Luke’s slow stroke.

“Faster, Luke. Please.” I groaned out, digging my nails into his shoulders. Luke grunted and picked up his pace. On one particularly hard thrust, I scraped my nails down Luke’s back with a loud, high-pitched squeal-moan. Luke swore at the pain caused by my nails and thrusted hard into me again. Within a handful of minutes sweat was beading on his forehead and I was close to my second orgasm of the night. Luke must’ve felt my walls pulsing around him because he reached down and rubbed my clit with one hand, pushing me even closer to my tipping point.

“Come for me, baby. I wanna feel you come around me.” That was the only urging I needed before I let go. I couldn’t see anything except Luke’s look of pure concentration on not blowing his load too soon. I couldn’t hear anything except his heavy breathing and my loud moaning. I couldn’t feel anything except his hard, quick thrusts. When I came back down, Luke’s thrusts started to get sloppy. I wrapped my legs around him as he pushed in one final time. I felt him twitch before he spilled inside me. When he was spent, he collapsed on top of me. Our sweaty bodies pressed against each other, sticking together in places.

“That was…” I trailed off, unable to think of a suitable word.

“Yeah.” Luke agreed, rolling off of me to lay on the bed beside me. I rolled to face him, only to find my content smile mirrored back at me. I snuggled closer to him, cold despite the sweat coating my body. Luke grinned and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me against him. We sat there for a while, foreheads pressed together, staring into each other’s eyes.

“How the hell are we gonna tell Mikey?”

“Fuck.”

Part 2

death-witch-envy  asked:

Neo-Wiccans aren't part of Wicca and you know why? Because they don't eat as many SNICKERS as traditional Wiccans do. We eat so many snickers, that we give Snickers more money than their vine sponsorships. We eat so many snickers that those of us who were originally allergic to nuts are now allergic to non-nuts. We use snickers as both potions and condoms for sex rites, you've got to gain at least 200 lbs on snickers alone to be a part of our coven. Gerald Gardner appropriated snickers 2017

.

anonymous asked:

You don't have to, but if you want can u write a fic about Nico being pregnant and then will is like 'see we should've use condoms, u wouldn't be in this pain' and Nico is actually happy about it and will is secretly excited.

I’m always down for some trans Nico stuff


Nico was a very vocal person. Will didn’t know if it was an Italian thing, or just a Nico thing, but regardless, Nico made a lot of noises. He did everything from singing to grunting to humming and, of course, talking. Becoming pregnant changed a lot of things between Nico and Will both individually and together. Nico had to be a lot more careful with the risks he took, because he was no longer just endangering himself, he was also putting the life of his baby at risk. Will had to start cutting back on how many twenty-four hour shifts he took, because Nico couldn’t do everything by himself the further along he got in his pregnancy, no matter how much he argued he could. Of course, some things never change, and one of them was how much Nico complained.

“William,” Nico’s tired voiced carried through to the kitchen, where Will was making dinner. Will would be annoyed by the whine, but he had just come off of a twelve hour shift at the hospital and Nico had just come home from his equally long day working, neither one could really be annoyed with the other at the moment.

“Yes, Nico?” Will called back, taking his eyes off the stove for only a second to glance at the back of Nico’s head where he was sitting on the couch. A moment’s distraction was all his pot of water needed to start boiling over though.

“I can’t feel my toes,” Nico’s voice sounded like it might break into tears at any moment and Will let out a sigh. He should really get Nico a pair of those socks that helped with blood flow. Maybe then Nico wouldn’t be as bothered by his feet nearly constantly. “I hate being pregnant.” Nico added it almost as an afterthought, and Will let a small laugh escape his lips.

“See? I told you we should’ve used a condom, then you wouldn’t be miserable.” Will didn’t, by any means, not want a baby. He and Nico had spent long hours talking about having kids and starting to grow their family. They both agreed that at some point, they would like kids, but they weren’t in a hurry. They weren’t actively trying to having kids, but they weren’t exactly trying to prevent it either. Will couldn’t be more excited for Nico to finally be having their baby though.

“That’s not what you said when you pushed me into Jason’s spare bedroom. How’s our child going to feel knowing they were conceived during a Valentine’s Day party because their parents had one too many glasses of wine?” Nico asked. Will could hear the smile in his voice, and he knew Nico found it just as comical as Will did.

“’Lucky me?’” Will shrugged and Nico let out a loud laugh. Will smiled down into the soup he was making and turned off the stove before pouring it in two bowls and joining Nico out on the couch.

“You’re ridiculous,” Nico commented softly, accepting the bowl of soup from Will. Will smiled and leaned over to press a kiss to the side of Nico’s head.

“That baby is going to be the luckiest baby on earth, you know why?” Will set his bowl of soup down on the coffee table and set his hand on the swell of Nico’s stomach. He smiled over at Nico, and Nico shook his head with a quiet laugh.

“Why is that, Will?” He asked his husband. Will pressed a kiss to the top of Nico’s stomach.

“Because they’re going to have two fathers who love them, and who love each other.” Will whispered. Nico let out another laugh and kissed the side of Will’s face.

“You’re such a sap.”


Give me a few days to figure out endings again

knocked up starters.
  • I proposed to you like an idiot and you said no!
  • It's a girl - buy some pink stuff!
  • Guess what the fuck's up?
  • _____ is going into labor and you are not fucking here
  • You know what I'm gonna have to do now? I'm going have to kill you
  • I'm gonna pop a fucking cap in your ass.
  • You're dead, you're Tupac, you are fucking Biggie, you piece of shit!
  • Marriage is like a freak, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.
  • Do you want to do it doggy-style?
  • You're not going to treat me like a dog.
  • I'm not treating you like a dog. It's doggy-style. It's just in the style. We don't have to go outside or anything.
  • I'm naked...
  • Did we have sex?
  • I'm pregnant.
  • Fuck off!
  • I assumed you were wearing a patch, or like a--like a dental dam, or one of those butterfly clips or something.
  • What is a dental dam?
  • We have to help them raise the baby.
  • Why did we go to Costco and buy a year's supply of condoms if you weren't gonna use 'em, man?
  • I can't believe you did this. You messed everything up.
  • You gotta know all the tricks like, for example, if a woman's on top she can't get pregnant. It's just gravity.
  • I love you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me.
  • I'm the best thing that ever happened to you?
  • Now I'm starting to feel sorry for you.
  • If I didn't care about these things, you wouldn't care about anything. Care more.
  • I like "Spider-Man".
  • Look, I don't even know what I'm supposed to say to you
  • You think that just because you don't yell, you're not mean? This is mean!
  • We don't have the heart to tell him it's herpes.
  • I'm gonna throw you into my DeLorean, gun it to 88.
  • I'm sorry I told you to screw your bong.
  • Why is everyone so mad at you?
  • Do you ever get so bored, you stare at your balls?
  • So what do you think? Should we have sex tonight?
  • I'm just really constipated.
  • Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin' rock this shit!
  • If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' lose my mind!
  • You're embarrassing me in front of company!