if you don't like this movie you are not human

Soukoku Little Mermaid AU

come on, you know you need this 

I’m too busy to make a fic out of this so here have a headcanon-y summary-ish thing (sorry it’s really long)

- Chuuya is the little merman who lives in the undersea palace of the Port Mafia, but has always wanted to visit the human kingdom of ADA above 

- then one night he sees a ship and goes to look and sees this really hot human guy standing too close to the edge of the ship and goes completely red. And then the guy fucking jumps

- and in the middle of a fucking storm ffs 

- Chuuya panics and chases him down and saves him 

- He drags him onto the shore and revives him by singing Trash Candy and glowing

- then he hides behind a rock and watches him until he leaves

- Chuuya returns to the sea and happens upon a statue that looks exactly like the guy he saved and oh look turns out that guy is Dazai Osamu, the actual fucking prince of the kingdom 

- (well not really but everyone loves him and also they’re kind of scared of him so he basically holds all the power up there)

- so he brings it to the palace and fanboys over it for like a full day

- but then his mother queen, Ozaki Kouyou, shows up 

- Kouyou flips out because nothing good ever comes out of trying to leave the merkingdom for the world of the light humans and uses Golden Demon to breaks his statue and all his other knickknacks, dealing the finishing blow by smashing his wine collection

- Chuuya is heartbroken angry as fuck and decides fuck you, I’ll get it back myself

- so he goes to visit the Sea Witch Mori-san 

- Mori tells him that he can turn Chuuya into a human for three days

- Chuuya just wants his statue back tbh, but Mori ignores him and carries on

- If Chuuya can get Dazai to kiss him in three days time, he’ll be a human forever, but if not, he’ll belong to Mori, oh and also the cost for this deal is his voice

- Chuuya doesn’t really want Dazai that badly tbh but Mori’s like lol no it wasn’t question

- So Chuuya decides, fuck it, he’ll prove Kouyou wrong. He gets sent up to the land, where Dazai’s pet white tiger Atsushi finds him. Dazai calls him short and offers him lodgings at the castle because he’s just too cute to abandon 

- So they proceed to go on a bunch of cute dates that mostly consist of Dazai being a dick and Chuuya being unable to yell at him

- ofc they end up on that boat trip with all the fancy firefly lighting and they almost kiss

- but Mori notices in his magical Crystal Informant Army and panics because holy shit he didn’t think the midget could actually do it

- at the last moment, he sends his beloved pets, Elise Flotsam and Q Jetsam, to flip the boat, and then immediately goes up to the land himself

- he wanders the shore singing Trash Candy in Chuuya’s voice, and Dazai goes down to investigate because hey random creepy guy, you have the same voice as the guy who interrupted my suicide that time

- Mori coaxes him to come to the undersea kingdom and join Mori’s underground mafia that he’s building to overthrow Kouyou 

- Dazai nods along and then pulls a gun on him

- Mori’s like ?!?!?!

- Dazai says, “Chuuya wrote everything down for me. Idiot.” and fucking shoots him in the face 

- then he goes back, whistling innocently

- cause, hey, he sort of recognized Chuuya’s face, and he’d thought that that shiny black tail he saw disappearing into the waves was a hallucination, but

- so the crisis is averted, and Chuuya just wants his kiss now, please, but Dazai really wants to see Chuuya’s True Form so he makes the poor son wait it out

- Chuuya goes back to being a merman, Dazai has a giant seawater pool built in his castle, with canals leading to the ocean, so Chuuya can visit, and they start to date

- chuuya finally gets a kiss and then several more ins succession

- Kouyou sees how happy her son is and grudgingly offers up some potions of her own that will turn him into a human for a day whenever he takes it

- happy end 


OMAKE

- Chuuya tries the potion and ends up standing on the land, stark naked

- Dazai laughs his ass off

- Chuuya yells, “Fuck you, Dazai” and Dazai just goes, “omg yes please do” 

- Chuuya goes completely red from head to toe and s c r e a m s

I could see Paul once every two years and just know there was another human on the planet who’s deep like me, who loves like that. When that disappears, you wonder, ‘Wait a minute, what do I hold on to?’ There was nothing to tether me to this existence: 'Why am I f**king here? And, like, why’d you leave without me?’

I just woke up [one morning] with a profound respect for living. I stood tall one day and I said, 'You know what, Michelle? Stop f**king hiding. Go manifest.’ And all of a sudden, I picked myself up and started hustling.

- Michelle Rodriguez (x)

there is just one thing I’d like to remind you all: negativity, harassment and hatred have never accomplished anything wonderful. (◡ ‿ ◡ ✿) if you can, be kind to each other. the world is already rough enough as it is.