*Gestures to the home page of YouTube on AppleTV*
Mom's boyfriend Brent:
Ahh, not too fond of the male gender huh?
Relax kid, I'm not here to judge like a homophobic asshole. However, I'm probably a horrible dad since I placed bets on whether my daughter had a girlfriend or not. When she came out I told her about it, but boy was her reaction priceless! Totally worth it.
We're okay with this, but I don't need your younger siblings and cousins to be watching these videos just yet. There's no doubt that they're constantly curious and will click on anything that piques their interests.
But the gay side of YouTube is the best side of YouTube. Tyler Oakley is the best person ever! So is Troye, Connor, Joey, and everyone else.
Stevie & Ally are way too cute! Also the Gay Women Channel are hilarious!
In my defense, I didn't tell them about these people or encourage them whatsoever to watch them.
*Sighs and shakes head*
A lot of Anna Kendrick and Brittany Snow videos are popping up. I will never be able to watch those Pitch Perfect movies ever again without my Bechloe goggles on.
I like you.
If you like me now, you'll love me soon enough. Your mom told me that you're obsessed with that lesbian vampire web series. Well since she says she doesn't have the time to watch it. How about we binge watch it right now?
You my friend, are going to regret this.
I sat down and watched all of Faking It for my daughter's sake. I'm sure I can handle 72 episodes that are less than 6 minutes long.
Well actually 84 episodes because there's season 1, 2, and 0.
What does this fandom do with their lives?
Don't ask that question or else I'll be dragging you down this garbage chute with me.
Sin. That's all that fandom ever does.
What's the silliest au idea you decided not to post? Only if you want of course, but you talk about writing stuff only to delete it all the time and im so curious now
The Lads as street magicians with actual magic. They busk on the streets of Los Santos, flashy tricks and slight of hand, enough to draw little crowds and get a couple of dollars from the few generous people in their hellhole city. Enough to distract from the way they’re robbing the less kind-hearted souls blind right before their eyes.
Its a neat trick, hiding their abilities in plain sight, enduring some sneers and shoves and attempts to work them out in return for a tidy profit. They don’t take too much, don’t want to draw too much attention to themselves, can’t risk getting caught out; you never know who’s a big name in this town. Never know who’s armed and dangerous, and the fear of pissing off one gang or another is all too real.
So they don’t make bank but they’re doing ok, they’ve gone from the streets to their own apartment; a shitty one-bedroom hole-in-the-wall but it’s not nothing. They’ve always got enough to eat, they get to play with their powers in broad daylight and they’ve got each other; who could ask for more?
But then, of course, come the Gents. The Gents who all trained their magic through the proper channels, came from families or communities where the existence of their abilities was an open secret, but have gone rogue for their own enrichment, joined up to take the mundane criminal world by storm. So when they walk past a couple of kids performing with real magic they notice, when the kids try to relieve them of their wealth they notice, and the Lads? The lads scatter.
It’s not a response they all agree with, flight over fight will never sit well on Michael or Jeremy, but it’s smarter. It’s what they’d agreed on, in the face of police or gangs or any kind of threat, get out, get safe and regroup. Undignified maybe, but better to keep their powers hidden and live on to fight another day.
But the Gents are no normal civilian adversaries, they have no problem keeping up, so when the Lads find themselves unnaturally corralled and cornered in a secluded alley they have themselves a little showdown anyway. The Gents think its cute at first, little baby sparks with their pretty, harmless powers trying to come up against 3 high level professionals, alright good luck kids. It’s not like the Gents are looking for a fight anyway, are curious more than anything, and waiting for the boys to exhaust themselves should be a piece of cake.
Except the lads haven’t made it out here on their own for this long without perfecting some mighty strong attacks and repellents, have been practising on each other every day, and the only motivator better than fear for yourself is fear for those you love. They’re vicious, dirty untrained magic, wildly instinctual and impossible to predict, a maelstrom of impenetrable chaos. It’s impressive, unusual and creative and inherently difficult to combat, and hello hello the Gents could absolutely use that kind of edge in their endeavour.
(this is where some actual substance would go but instead i gave up and threw it out..)
I will add one more thing, and that is that a well-made nature documentary does FAR MORE to educate, inspire, and touch people’s hearts than a zoo ever will or can.
You go to a zoo, you look at a wildebeest. It is probably sleeping, eating, or standing still. Cool! Now you know what a wildebeest looks like! You dodge the children who are screaming with laughter because something pooped and move on to look at the next animal.
You watch a documentary on wildebeest making their annual migration. You hold your breath as a very pregnant wildebeest leaps into a raging river; crocodiles float like harmless logs and lions lay in wait on the other side, but right now the greatest enemy is the crush of bodies, wildebeest kicking and plunging against one another in the strong current. The pregnant wildebeest is knocked downriver a couple hundred feet, separated from the bulk of the herd; the crocodiles take a casual interest and float closer as she tries to pull herself up the bank. But it raises steeply, it is slicked with mud, her trembling body slips backwards again and again. She refuses to quit; she heaves herself up and, through some miracle, surges halfway up the bank. Will she make it the rest of the way? She pulls herself over the crest and we rejoice. Or she gives in to exhaustion and we weep.
Either way, we have gained an understanding of wildebeest far beyond “Wildebeest are native to East Africa; they weigh between 180 and 250 kg; wild grass is their main source of food.”
jane the virgin has like very well crafted episodes that make you need to watch the next episode more than any other show i’ve ever watched because every episode is a fuckin cliff hanger and the narrator is omniscient and he says things like “and he believed this until his dying breath” like when is he going to die? now? in 2 months? next season?? when he’s had a full and wonderful life???? tell meeee
Imagine yandere TFA Megatron, while he was still in professor Sumdac's lab, some how made friends with Sumdac's innocent and naive assistant.
He first starts to regain his consciousness around the time you start working. Maybe that’s a coincidence, maybe not. Before his optics come online, all he has to go by is a voice - soft, and melodic, and pleasant, not at all like that other bumbling oaf. He sits in the dark for days, unable to move, unable to see, with only the gentle sound of your humming for company as you busy yourself around the lab at night. Sometimes you talk to him, just to organize your thoughts out loud or break the unnerving silence, unaware that he’s actually listening.
As the days go by he begins to resent you and the Sumdac fool more and more. You dare you cut him open and put him on display like some sort of lab rat? The only thing that keeps him sane is the knowledge that one day he will reclaim his body, and then he will crush the two of you under his thumb.
Everything changes when one day his optics suddenly flicker back online. It takes him a minute to adjust after being sightless for so long, but gradually he starts to take in his surroundings. What he sees is you, working alone late at night as usual, scribbling something on a table with your back to him. All he can see is your shapely frame, and the back of your hair, but it’s enough to capture his interest. Perhaps if he- ah, yes!
A sudden blast of air from the vents scatters the papers on the desk behind you, forcing you to turn around. If Megatron had control of his jaw, it would have dropped at that point. He had tried to picture in his head before what you looked like - how could he not with such limited means of entertaining himself? - but nothing, nothing he could have imagined can compare to the real thing.
You are… stunning. Yes, that’s the only word he knows for it. Literally, he is stunned. The blinking lights from the lab equipment bath your skin in a soft, unearthly glow as you begin scooping up the fallen papers. You bite your plump lower lip in annoyance as you work in a way that has his energon coursing through his system. Your hair slips smoothly over your shoulder and spills over your face like a curtain. What Megatron wouldn’t give to card his fingers through it as he lifts your head to cover those soft lips in searing kisses.
He knows he shouldn’t be thinking any of these things about an organic, especially when you were working with the man who had done this to him. But he simply can’t bring himself to care - not when you’re down on your knees in front of him, head bowed while you reach for more of the discarded papers. Megatron decides then and there that he’s going to claim you once he gets his body back, He imagines you on your knees before him in front of his throne, this time in reverence, gazing up at him adoringly with those beautiful eyes and swearing your devotion to him in that sweet, sonorous voice of yours. Sooner or later he will make you his, but for now, all he can do is watch - watch and wait…
The dwarves’ physical state in the Halls of the Maker corresponding to their mental state though-
It takes decades for Thorin’s wounds to heal and they break open at the most unexpected moments. The worst was when he saw Kíli in the Halls for the first time. He is never fully whole again, although it does a lot for him to finally receive his sister’s forgiveness. The moment the last of his wounds, the one on his forehead, is completely gone is the moment when Dwalin, the last of the Company to die, finally joins them and feigns a punch in his face and then hugs him so hard he thinks his bones will break. (It is then that Balin’s wounds finally heal too, he who had sat in the Halls for hours with Thorin, talking about how they had both let go of their lives when there would have been so much more to live for)
Thrór’s throat kept bleeding for so long that he took to wearing clothes with high collars in the Halls. It takes his family a long time to bring him back to where he was - and only when both Thráin and his three grandchildren arrive and tell him just how much he meant to them despite everything that had happened does he dare to wear more open clothes again.
Everybody thinks Fíli is okay. He puts on a brave face, spends a lot of time with his brother, his family and tries to comfort his uncle. Nobody sees when he withdraws to his chambers from time to time, hand coming away bloody when he presses it to his chest under the clothes because he still thinks he failed them all. It is Frerin who finally picks up on it first (apart from Kíli of course, but Kíli knows everything anyway) and takes him aside for a talk, a small patch of blood blossoming on his own chest where the arrow had hit home so long ago for a moment.
Kíli always laughs, looks unharmed and brightens everyone’s mood. He is everywhere at once, meets family members from all branches long dead that he is never known - he seems as alive in death as he ever was. Only sometimes, when he looks at his brother and his uncle, who shouldn’t be here, who he thinks he should have protected because he is the spare, it should have been him who died, not them- he flinches slightly, hand rubbing over his chest where Bolg’s weapon had found its mark.
Dáin has tumbled in the Halls with a curse on his lips, but his wounds that still oozed blood for hours after he has woken up - he left them alone in the midst of battle, selfishly withdrew and died when nothing was safe yet - close up quickly when he hears a quiet grunt and a giant boar throws him to the ground, rubbing his enormous face on his clothes and he sees the smiling faces of those who await him.
Dís follows him not long after, fallen, too, defending the mountain her kin died for. She lightly punches Thorin only moments after Dáin did and her brother carries a brighter smile than he has worn in decades when she’s finally there. Her wounds had closed the moment she had woken up - she knows she has given everything she had for the mountain and her people and could go in peace, to finally be reunited with her family and friends again.
AW Okay....So do you know what time it was when you got home?
KK Around one o'clock, one-thirty.
AW okay....Tell me what happens when you get home?
KK I had no other choice....I couldn't
AW You were feeling really guilty?
AW Okay....So your dad has guns, right?
AW And where does he keep his guns?
KK He usually keeps them in his tennis locker at the swim and tennis club. But we could always shoot it once in awhile and so they were home
this time....Most of the time they're not home, only the rifles are there.
AW So only the 10.22 Ruger rifle was there?
KK Yeah, mm hum.
AW And where was that at?
KK I had that in my room.
AW You had that in your room?
KK Mm hu (yes).
AW Was it loaded or unloaded?
KK It was unloaded, (unintelligible).
AW So the ammunition was in your room?
KK It was in my parent's room but I had the gun.
AW Okay....So was your dad...Did he hit you or anything like that?
AW Okay...Was he yelling or out of control or?
KK I couldn't I couldn't I had no other choice God.
AW You told me earlier he was in the kitchen.
AW And was that around 4 o'clock or could it of been earlier?
KK I think it was earlier.
AW You think it was earlier?
KK I'm not sure.
AW Okay...Let me ask you this
AW Had I been a visitor in your home, would you have shot your dad?
KK I don't think so.
AW You don't think so.
KK I don't know I just I had no other choice he was saying all this I . .
AW He was saying all that stuff, kind of....He was saying a lot of
Negative stuff about you. Like what was he saying about you?
AW Okay...He's mad at you because you got caught in school with the gun, right?
KK And I (garbled) all his friends and everything knew (garbled).
AW So he was feeling ashamed and embarrassed because you did something wrong, is that right?
KK I didn't want to. I loved my dad that's why I had to
AW You love him so that's why you had to kill him?
AW Okay...So what's he doing in the kitchen when you come in.
KK He was drinking something, I don't know.
AW Was his back to you?
KK Yes. Oh god...
AW Okay...Earlier you told me you walked up behind him and shot him in the head. Is that right?
KK Basically, yeah.
AW Okay...Did you stand away from him while you shot him?
AW How far were you when you shot him?
KK About ten feet.
AW Ten feet. And how many times did you shoot him?
AW And where did that bullet hit him?
KK Right above the ear.
AW Right behind the ear.
KK Yeah, above, yeah Oh my god (crying)
AW It's alright. So your dad falls to the kitchen floor.
KK He just laid on the counter.
AW He laid on the counter.
KK Mm uh.
AW Then what did you do?
KK I didn't know what to do so I dragged him into the bathroom and then put a white sheet over him.
KK Oh, my god, my parents were good people, I'm just so fucked up in the head, I don't know why, (garbled).
AW So what do you do from the time you put the sheet over your dad and your mom comes home?
KK A few people called.
AW Do you remember who called?
KK Yeah, some of my friends and I just talked to them. I didn't say anything
about that and I didn't know what to do because...Oh my God, my mom was coming home and if she knew what I'd done she'd...Oh my god.
AW So your mom comes home around six, is that right?
AW Okay....Now I've never been to your house...And earlier you talked about a basement. Is that a garage that's underneath the house?
AW So your mom drives in her car, right?
AW And what is she driving?
KK An explorer.
AW And she parks, where are you at?
KK I was waiting for her.
AW Okay....Outside or inside?
AW Okay...Did she pull into the garage?
KK Oh my god.
AW Do you have one of these automatic garage doors where she closes the door after she pulls in?
AW Was the door up or down?
KK I just want to die.
AW I know.
KK Oh god. (crying)
AW So you told me that your mom gets out of the explorer and starts up the stairs from the garage or basement, is that right?
AW Do you say anything to her?
KK Yes, I told her I loved her.
AW And then you shot---
KK Yes. God damn it...these voices inside my head.
AW Alright, hey, (garbled) Kip....Kip, settle down, settle down, it's alright, it's alright...Just settle down, okay, just settle down.
KK I had no other choice.
AW Okay...So how far were you from your mom when you shot her?
KK I don't know.
AW Okay....Earlier you told me you shot her twice---
KK I think I shot her several times.
AW You shot her several times?
KK Cause I dragged her up into the basement after I shot her and she was still alive and I said that I loved her and I shot her...I shot her again so she wouldn't know that I killed her....I loved my mom.
AW ..Okay....So you didn't want your mom to know that you were the one that shot her.
AW And you loved your mom---
KK Yeah, I did.
AW So what did you do the rest of the night? Did you talk to any more friends?
KK No, I just...I didn't...I didn't know what to do...I held---
KK I just held my glock to my head and I wanted to kill myself so bad but I
couldn't...I don't know why.
AW Now you said there was only one gun in the home, where did the glock come from? Did you go somewhere and pick up the glock?
KK No, it was in my dad's tennis stuff that he hadn't taken back to the Club.
AW Okay...So it was at home, too?
AW Okay....So did you get any sleep last night at all or do you stay awake all night?
KK Stayed awake.
AW Okay...Did you watch tv?
KK I turned it on to keep me company but I didn't watch it.
AW Okay...Alright...Now you shot your mom to save her the embarrassment and that sort of stuff, right?
AW Okay....Was that the right thing or the wrong thing to do?
KK I couldn't do anything else.
AW Okay...Now this morning you had planned to go to school and you had taped some bullets to your chest.
AW What were those bullets for?
KK To kill myself if I ran out of ammunition.
AW And you told me earlier you took two knives, the Ruger 10.22 that was sawed off, a Ruger .22 caliber pistol and the glock 19 which was a 9 millimeter. Is that correct?
AW And you took those to school.
AW Okay...You were wearing a big overcoat. Were you hiding the weapons?
AW Okay....Why were you hiding them?
KK I didn't know what else to do.
AW You didn't know what else to do. Why did you go to school and start shooting people?
KK I had to. I had no other choice. I couldn't do anything else.
AW Had you been stopped by a police officer before you gotten to school would you have done that?
KK I don't know.
AW Why did you feel that you didn't have a choice with the kids at school?
KK I don't know I can't...my head is (garbled) I had to, I just had to.
AW Okay....Was there any kids that were in that group of people that you were seeing that you singled out as any one target?
AW Do you know the names of any of those kids that you shot at?
AW Okay....When we got here to the police department you had a knife that the officers had missed strapped to your leg, right?
AW And you had slipped your cuffs around to the front and when I opened the door you held that knife out and you charged me with that knife.
AW Why did you do that?
KK Cause I wanted you to shoot me. I just want to die.
AW Okay....Was that the right thing or the wrong thing to do?
KK It has to be the right thing because I need to die more than anything else.
AW As you were growing up through elementary school and middle school, were you ever taken to a counselor?
AW What for?
KK Cause I got in trouble with the police.
AW You got in trouble with the police?
AW Is this about that book about making explosives or something?
KK Well it was kind of It was just a lot of things mom took me to.
KK Oh god.
AW Alright...Well, you know, I'm going to give you a break, I'm going to stop right now. The time is at 10:
AW Kip, I'm going to turn the tape recorder back on. The time is at 10:
I just have a couple more questions for you and you may or may not have the answer for me. I want you to do the best you can, okay. You're shaking your head yes, the tape recorder doesn't pick up, you know, body movements that sort of stuff so.
AW Okay...That's fine...Can I get you to scoot up just a little closer to the tape recorder cause I know this is not easy for you to talk about, it's not easy for me to ask you these questions, you know, but I'm trying to figure our why, why this happened so I can kind of put it in perspective for everybody, okay.
Why did you move your dad's body into the bathroom?
KK I felt like I had to do something.
AW Did you move him so that mom wouldn't walk in and see him.
KK I moved him because he was supposed to be on his back and I don't know.
AW Why did you cover him with a sheet?
KK It just felt like the right thing to do.
AW Okay...You did it out of respect for him?
AW When did you decide in your mind that you had to kill your mom, before you shot your dad?
KK My dad kept saying how my mom...how embarrassed she was
going to be and how horrible I was and I couldn't let my mom feel like
that. I couldn't do anything else. There's no other way.
AW Had I been standing in your garage or riding with your mom, would you have shot your mom?
KK I don't know.
AW There's probably at least two hours from the time you shot your dad until your mom got home.
AW What did you do to prepare yourself for you having to shoot your mom.
KK I cried. I said I was so sorry. I had to though. I had to.
AW You said you were waiting for her.
KK Mm hu (yes).
AW where were you waiting for her at?
KK In the living room so I could see when the car came up.
AW And when she pulled in the garage and the garage door came down and she got out of her car, where were you?
KK I don't know I can't remember.
AW Were you hiding somewhere in the garage so that she had to walk past you?
KK No, I came down and helped her with her bags, bring them up.
AW Where was the gun at that point?
KK It was on my hip.
AW On your hip?
AW And what kind of gun was that?
KK It was a .22, oh god.
AW Was it the 10.22 or was it the pistol?
KK It was the pistol .
AW It was the pistol. Who are these friends that called? Do you have names on those friends?
KK My friends had nothing to do with it.
AW Yeah, but, I know---
KK I don't want them to get in trouble.
AW They're not in trouble but you did talk to them and I think it's important that...Who were your friends that called?
KK I talked to Tony.
AW Tony go to school with you?
AW And what's Tony's last name?
AW McCown. Do you have a phone number for Tony?
KK I don't know...It's on my watch.
AW Okay....Does Tony live up near you on Chita Loop?
KK No, he lives close to the school.
AW Okay, but it's Tony McCowan, is he a freshman?
AW When did Tony call? Do you remember?
KK He called about 3:
AW Did he kind of want to know what was up at school?
AW Did you guys talk about that?
AW Had you already shot your dad at that point?
AW No, okay. So who else called or did you call someone?
KK No, Tony called and Nick and they were like on the party line thing, we were all talking so nick didn't call me, I called him.
what she means:
what does toei animation have against takeru takaishi? why do they hate takeru takaishi? hasn't he been through enough? when he was a little kid, his brother and him were separated after the divorce and truly all he wants is to have a nuclear family like did you watch adventure 02 season finale? moreover the boy lost his innocence when he was seven and he literally watched his digimon partner, patamon, die at the hands of devimon. and now he's going through it again? hASN'T HE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH? why does he have to suffer so much? i just want him to be happy. i swear if he didn't bear the crest of hope, he'd already be emo.
EXO REACTION TO YOU WANTING FUN TIME BUT YOU ARE PREGNANT
Requested by anon
im doing this one for the banter
*You were in the mood but Kai wasn’t, he was already half asleep (as usual) but you decided to nudge him to make him pay attention to you*
Y/N: “Jongin..wake up, I need you right now”
K: “And I need sleep, we tried this before remember and I took my back out”
*A lot of the time you were really tired being heavily pregnant so Sehun would do teasing things to wind you up, but one night you were feeling it and he was getting some*
Y/N: “If you dont come here within the next 3 seconds Oh sehun I’m raising this baby alone, now sort out what you started”
*You called out to him from the bedroom and he raced in asking what was up*
S: “Did you need something babe?”
Y/N: “Yeah, you”
S: “Oh well then come and get me sugar”
dont even ask me
*You thought it was a great idea to watch Chanyeols artificial love fancam, and didn't realise how in the mood it was going to make you. He walked in and heard the song and knew what you were watching*
C: “Fancy some of that right here right now?”
Y/N: Yes actually but I look like a balloon so maybe not”
C: “You may be a balloon but you’re my sexy ass balloon so lets kick it mama”
I said dont ask
*You initiated contact and made it clear about what you wanted out of tonight, and so did Baek but when it was just about to get down to the best part…your waters broke*
B: Oh fuck what do we do now”
Y/N: “Thats it little nipper great timing thanks a bunch”
*You guys had started full on kissing and you both knew it was about to get hot and heavy (literally). Once you guys were on the bed in very little clothing he broke away from the kiss for a moment and got up*
KS: “Just need a little stretch before we begin Y/N, let me just touch these toes”
Y/N: “You’re such an ass”
*You broke away in the middle of the heated session and he wondered why and asked you why you initiated it if you didnt feel up to it*
Y/N: “ I do feel up to it but I don’t look up to it, how can you possibly be attracted to me at the moment”
C: “Because you’re my girl, who is carrying my child and there is nothing more beautiful than that Y/N”
*You both were out in the woods taking a long walk together when suddenly the urge took you by storm, you pushed tao up against a tree and told him you wanted to take him right there and then, he obliged to a bit of outside fun time, however you suddenly backed off*
T: “Come on Y/N I was looking forward to that don’t tell me you had a change of heart, if you leave me here too long I’ll become one with the trees”
Y/N: “Stop making jokes you fuck I’m going into labor..in the woods..and I didn’t even get some. What kind of life”
*You attended Exo’s concert in China and the perfomance of your bf made you feel very needy so you made an excuse after the concert was done that you were very tired and that you wanted to go home, so Lay came with you. Once you were behind closed doors things changed*
L: “I thought you were tired baby?”
Y/N: “Don’t come @ me Zhang Yixing, I’m pregnant af and you still did your best to attack with your hips at that concert and it worked you have no remorse”
L: “well thats me for ya”
*he was in shock when you told him what you wanted. You guys hadnt done it for ages because you said you felt tired which he understood but now was in chance and he was gonna strike tonight*
K: “Looks like the hotpot is going in the oven”
Y/N: “You know what, i have changed my mind”
*Since becoming pregnant you had a strong habit of getting him turned on but then not doing anything about it because you suddenly were no longer in the mood to continue and he thought this night was going to be another one of these nights*
L: “this better not be another trick Y/N, my hand is good but you are a lot better”
*He felt a hand brush across his chest which woke him up. Above him you hovered half naked with hungry looking eyes. Within a few seconds you guys were rolling around and after a few minutes shaking that bed like crazy*
Y/N: “Xiu..xiu wake up!”
*He woke up to you moaning at him for making too much noise and then turned around to go back to sleep*
XM: “Ugh it wasn’t even real..damnit, I mean makes sense I was wondering where the baby bump went”