if you didn't see this coming you don't know me at all

Get to Know the Blogger!!!
  • 1. If you didn't have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time?
  • 2. What is your favorite piece of clothing you own / owned?
  • 3. What hobby would you pick up if time & money weren't an issue?
  • 4. What does your perfect room look like?
  • 5. How often do you play sports?
  • 6. What fictional place would you like to visit?
  • 7. What job would you be terrible at?
  • 8. When was the last time you climbed a tree?
  • 9. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you have a good chance of winning a medal for?
  • 10. What is the most annoying habit that you or other people have?
  • 11. What job do you think you'd be really good at?
  • 12. What skill would you like to master?
  • 13. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on?
  • 14. If you had unlimited funds to build a house to live on for the rest of your life, what would the finished house look like?
  • 15. What's your favorite drink?
  • 16. What state or country do you never want to go back to?
  • 17. What songs do you have completely memorized?
  • 18. What game or movie universe would you like to live in?
  • 19. What do you consider to be your best find?
  • 20. Are you usually early or late?
  • 21. What pets did you have when you were growing up?
  • 22. When people come to you for help, what do they usually need help with?
  • 23. What takes up too much of your time?
  • 24. What do you wish you knew more about?
  • 25. What would be your first question after waking up from being frozen for 100 years?
  • 26. What are some small things that make your day better?
  • 27. Who's your go-to band or artist when you don't know who or what to listen to?
  • 28. What's the best way to start the day?
  • 29. What TV shows do you like?
  • 30. What TV channel doesn't exist but really should?
  • 31. Who has impressed you most with what they've accomplished?
  • 32. What age do you wish you could stay at permanently?
  • 33. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch?
  • 34. What's your ideal way to spend a weekend?
  • 35. What is something that is considered a luxury, but you don't think you could live without?
  • 36. What is your claim to fame?
  • 37. What is something you enjoy doing the old-fashioned way?
  • 38. What's your favorite book or movie genre?
  • 39. How often do you people-watch?
  • 40. What have you only recently formed an opinion about?
  • 41. What's the best day of the year?
  • 42. What subject interests you that not many people have heard of?
  • 43. How do you relax after a long day of work?
  • 44. What's the best book series or TV series you've ever read or watched?
  • 45. Where is the farthest you've ever been from home?
  • 46. What's the most heartwarming thing you've ever seen?
  • 47. What is the most annoying question people ask you?
  • 48. What could you give a 40-minute presentation on with no preparation?
  • 49. If you were the dictator on a small island nation, what crazy dictator stuff would you do?
  • 50. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?
  • 51. Would you rather go hand gliding or whitewater rafting?
  • 52. What's your dream car?
  • 53. What's worth spending more on to get the best?
  • 54. What is something a ton of people are obsessed with, but you just don't get?
  • 55. What are you most looking forward to in the next 10 years?
  • 56. Where is the most interesting place you've been?
  • 57. What's something you've been meaning to try but haven't gotten around to it?
  • 58. What is the best thing that happened to you last week?
  • 59. What piece of entertainment do you wish you could erase from your mind, only to experience it for the first time again?
  • 60. If all jobs had the same pay rate and hours, what job would you want to have?
  • 61. What amazing thing have you done that no one was around to see?
  • 62. How different was your life 1 year ago?
  • 63. What quirks do you have?
  • 64. What would you rate 10/10?
  • 65. What fad or trend do you think should come back?
  • 66. What is the most interesting piece of art you've seen?
  • 67. What kind of art do you enjoy most?
  • 68. What do you hope never changes?
  • 69. What city would you most like to live in?
  • 70. What movie title best describes your life?
  • 71. Why did you decide to do the work you are doing now?
  • 72. What's the best way a person can spend their time?
  • 73. If you suddenly became a master at woodworking, what would you make?
  • 74. Where is the most relaxing place you've ever been?
  • 75. What's the luckiest thing that has ever happened to you?
  • 76. Where would you rather be from?
  • 77. What are some things you've had to unlearn?
  • 78. What do you look forward to in the next 6 months?
  • 79. What website do you visit most often?
  • 80. What one thing do you really want but can't afford?
  • 81. Where do you usually go when you have free time?
  • 82. Where would you spend all your time if you could?
  • 83. What's special about the place you grew up?
  • 84. What age do you want to live to?
  • 85. What are you most likely to become famous for?
  • 86. What are you absolutely determined to do?
  • 87. What is the most impressive thing you know how to do?
  • 88. What do you wish you knew more about?
  • 89. What question would you most like to know the answer to?
  • 90. What question can you ask to find out the most about a person?
  • 91. When was the last time you changed your opinion or belief about something major?
  • 92. What's the best compliment you've ever received?
  • 93. As the only human left on earth, what would you do?
  • 94. Who inspires you to be better?
  • 95. What do you want your epitaph to be?
  • 96. What haven't you grown out of?
  • 97. In what situation or place would you feel most out of place in?
  • 98. What's the dumbest thing you've done that actually turned out pretty well?
  • 99. If someone wrote a book on an event in your life, what would the book be about?
  • 100. What's something you will never do again?
  • 101. How do you hope you'll change as a person in the future?
  • 102. What keeps you up at night?
  • 103. What's the most surprising self-realization you've had?
  • 104. What is the most illegal thing you've ever done?
  • 105. How do you get in the way of your own success?
  • 106. What are you afraid people see when they look at you?
  • 107. What is your biggest regret?
  • 108. What do you look down on people for?
  • 109. What bridges do you not regret burning?
  • 110. What lie do you tell most often?
  • 111. What would be your spirit animal?
  • 112. What is the best & worst thing about getting older?
  • 113. What are you most likely very wrong about?
  • 114. If you had a personal flag, what would be on it?
  • 115. What's happened that changed your view on the world?
  • 116. What is the biggest lesson you've learned?
  • 117. What is the most immature thing you do?
  • 118. What are you famous for among your friends & family?
  • 119. If your childhood had a smell, what would it be?
  • 120. What one responsibility do you wish you didn't have?
  • 121. What are 3 things you want to accomplish before you die?
  • 122. What do you want to tell your 10-year-old self?
  • 123. What's the best thing you got from your parents?
  • 124. What's the best thing about you?
  • 125. What blows your mind?
  • 126. Have you ever saved someone's life?
  • 127. What are you really good at but embarrassed to be good at?
  • 128. What would a mirror opposite of you look like?
  • 129. What are 3 interesting facts about you?
  • 130. Which of your scars has the best story behind it?
  • 131. What's the title of the current chapter in your life?
  • 132. What were some of the biggest turning points in your life?
  • 133. What's the hardest lesson you've learned?
  • 134. What do people think is weird about you?
  • 135. What mistake do you keep making?
  • 136. What have you created that you're most proud of?
  • 137. What do you doubt?
  • 138. What are some of your morals?
  • 139. What do you want to be remembered for?
  • 140. What do you regret not doing in your childhood years?
  • 141. What is your favorite fragrance?
  • 142. What do you think your last words will be?
  • 143. Who or what do you take for granted?
  • 144. Why would you be annoying as a roommate?
  • 145. What is something you're insecure about?
  • 146. What's the best & worst piece of advice you've received?
  • 147. What irrational fears do you have?
  • 148. What makes a good life?
  • 149. What's the last adventure you went on?
  • 150. What is the most memorable gift you've received?
Batfam as Tweets and Tumblr Shitposts™
  • Dick: Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
  • Steph: That was deep
  • Tim: Philosophy is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie
  • Steph: That was deeper
  • Jason: Common sense is knowing that ketchup isn't a damn smoothie YOU NASTY!
  • -------
  • Tim: What if trees cried because we started eating their fruit because their fruit is basically their babies. So every time we eat an apple or something, we're eating a tree baby
  • Damian: *Slowly backs away from the fruit bowl looking stricken*
  • Bruce: *Not looking up from his newspaper* we're eating their ovaries actually
  • --------
  • Jason: That feeling you get when you're angry
  • Dick: Anger
  • --------
  • Steph: Boys are so lucky to have boners to tell them when they're horny because girls are just like damn am I horny or am I hungry or am I bored I don't know I don't have a dick
  • --------
  • Jason: If I cut off my foot and like swing it at your head am I kicking or hitting you?
  • Tim: You'll most likely mentally scar me more than anything else
  • ---------
  • Dick: Carpe diem seize the day. Carpe noctem seize the night. Carpe natem seize the ass.
  • ---------
  • Jason: 80% exhaustion 10% sarcasm 20% don't care
  • Tim: That's 110%
  • Jason: 20% of me doesn't care
  • Tim: Should've seen that coming
  • ----------
  • Bruce: *Mary Poppins voice* okay children time to go
  • [Fifteen minutes later]
  • Bruce: *Batman voice* I said let's go
  • -----------
  • Alfred: Who ate all the cookies?
  • Dick: Ninjas
  • Alfred: I didn't see them
  • Dick: No one ever does
  • -----------
  • Bruce: *Calls up pizza place*
  • Bruce: WHY WOULD YOU CUT MY PIZZA SO UNEVEN? IF YOU ARE TRYING TO TEAR MY FAMILY APART IT'S WORKING
The Signs as Quotes From the Crystal Kingdom Arc
  • Aquarius: Hot diggity shit, that is a baller cookie.
  • Pisces: We don't know shit about history, what are you talking about? We can't remember what we're doing right now!
  • Aries: It seems like the least you could do after getting my ass thrown off the back of a moving train is see to my plants and my begonias and my fruits and my lilies.
  • Taurus: Those rules of nature are there for a reason, so let's just stop running afoul of them as if this was all just sort of funsy-fun make-believe, what do you say?
  • Gemini: I can't tell if you're joking, which is kind of par for the course.
  • Cancer: People say that about Thomas Edison a lot, like, he invented the lightbulb. But like, they didn't have 'em back then, right? So if I'd been around back then, that would've been easy for me. Because they didn't have lightbulbs, they didn't have anything. So like, inventing stuff was way easier. These days I'd have to invent, like, a double-lightbulb.
  • Leo: I don't even know how that worked, like, with physics.
  • Virgo: I had a wedding invitation for you to come to my marriage ceremony, and instead of RSVPing to it, you murdered me.
  • Libra: No, it was great, I loved the way it ... was there.
  • Scorpio: Well, hold on, there's three of us, we work individually, we're not a hivemind. I would say at least one of us has a solid grasp, one of us is halfway there, and probably one of us just started paying attention.
  • Sagittarius: I stitched the word 'dickhead' on his body, just so you guys know. Shh! So we get our revenge, in secret.
  • Capricorn: Let me tell you something. That nerd is a necromancer.
Harry's interview on Quotidien
  • I: Can you hear me?
  • H: Yes
  • I: Welcome to Paris!
  • H: Thank you
  • I: How are you? Can you answer in French?
  • H: Good! A little bit. A tiny bit. Très bien et toi ?(very good and you?)
  • I: Very good, thank you. We start our interviews with “can you give us your five favourites words in English or French. Or a French sentence”. Someone told me you knew a French sentence.
  • H: Comment vous faites un café si délicieux? (How do you make such a delicious coffee?)
  • I: OK, that’s good.
  • H: That’s all I have.
  • I: Do you say it very often?
  • H: No... Yes
  • I: What does France mean to you? Is it something, someone etc...?
  • H: Best people I’ve known... I think her, *shows a fan* I guess. Fabien Barthez.
  • I: Yes, Fabien Barthez. Harry, you’re 23 years old and you’re one of the best known pop-star in the world. Everybody has expectations with your new album and single Sign Of The Times. Why did you choose that song? This is not what people were expecting.
  • H: I think I wanted to.. I've always liked music that made me feel something. You know I think writing it I could feet something I wanted to bring it out. I think it's a good indicator for me of what the album is to me. That's why I wanted to go with that first.
  • I: Billboard wrote that the single was "one of the more ambitious opening statements in pop this decade". Not bad, isn't it?
  • H: Thanks!
  • I: Do you have friends working at Billboard?
  • H: I don't know anyone at Billboard.
  • I: When we listen to the song we think of David Bowie, Queen, who else did you think of?
  • H: I mean, I think everyone, anything, any song you've ever listened to growing up or throughout your life or you've enjoyed, inspired you. There are a lot of different things. I wanted to just write and see what came out. I didn't know what I sounded like to make an album. So this process was as interesting for me as I think it will be for people listening to the album for the first time.
  • I: Do you know French singers other than Serge Gainsbourg? That's a tricky question.
  • H: I know Woodkid. He directed my music video.
  • I: Why him?
  • H: I think his videos are amazing, he's a really talented guy and I love French people so I worked with him.
  • I: When you're in Spain, do you say that you love Spanish people?
  • H: No!
  • I: It seems like everything has been easy...
  • H: Great tie.
  • I: You think so? It's French.
  • H: It's not a Spanish tie, isn't it?
  • I: Can I see your loafer? Oh yes! What is the brand? That's not French, isn't it? It's Italian.
  • H: No.
  • I: That's from the European Union!
  • H: Probably yeah.
  • I: It seems like everything has been easy for you, is it true?
  • H: Was what simple?
  • I: Your life, everybody wants a life like yours, with One Direction...
  • H: I mean, I feel very lucky to be able to make music, I feel very lucky to be able to make this, I feel very lucky today being in France and performing my song. I love this song. I can't complain.
  • I: What were the unpleasant things?
  • H: *thinking*
  • I: I don't know, say only one thing.
  • H: I think when you care so much about something, it's hard to get to the point where you feel like it's finished and it feels like you're adding and it never ends and it adds up. So I think the hardest part was getting into that point and be like "ok that's finished."
  • I: You said to the Rolling Stone magazine that most of the album was inspired by a woman. Really?
  • H: No I think, honestly, the album is much more about me than it is about anyone else. I think if I said the album is about a woman it kind of feels like, I don't know, I put a lot of work into this. I don't feel like it revolves around woman. It's a lot about me and things I've never said before. It's more about me.
  • I: How did you start with a boy band and end with a solo career? Is it complicated?
  • H: It's been a lot of fun. You know we were very lucky to get to do some amazing things and at the moment in our lives, we're in a time where everyone is trying their own thing and have a good time. It's been amazing to see everyone doing their own thing as well. If I can do as well as the others, it'd be amazing.
  • I: Do you call them everyday or text them? Do you use What's app?
  • H: I don't have that.
  • I: Why?
  • H: Yes we talk, absolutely. And everyone is bringing stuff out. It's been a lot going on. It's been a good time.
  • I: This is the album cover! Can you describe it? Why did you choose this picture?
  • H: Yeah. So, I don't know. I worked with photographer Harley Weir, I'm a massive fan of her work. And that's amazing and I was lucky enough to work with her. I felt like this was what I wanted.
  • I: Why is it pink? Why the water? Why your back? Why? It's beautiful but why is it pink?
  • H: I don't know, man!
  • I: Really? You don't know?
  • H: I don't know. I don't think I want...
  • I: Apparently pink is Rock'n'roll's colour.
  • H: Apparently so. I don't know. I think it means something to me and if it means anything to anyone else, I wouldn't want to take away from that by explaining it. I think the cool thing about stuff like photos and art is you can just leave it. You don't have to explain it.
  • I: Everybody sees what they want to see.
  • H: Yes exactly.
  • I: Have you seen this?
  • *video of people reacting to Harry's single*
  • I: Your fans record themselves while listening to the song for the first time. You can hear relevant analysis and apparently they all really liked it. Do you read what people say about you on social media? On Youtube, Twitter, Instagram? Do you use Instagram?
  • H: Yes I use it a little bit.
  • *The public disagrees with Harry*
  • H: Yes I use it a little bit. I mean I wish everyone was having as good time as the girl who was like that with her hands. That's what I do when I listen to the song.
  • I: Are you the one using your Instagram? Do you use your own fingers or someone else does it for you?
  • H: Yes, I do mine.
  • I: Do you still vote in Redditch?
  • H: In?
  • I: Redditch!
  • H: That's where I was born?
  • I: Yes.
  • H: I don't live in Redditch.
  • I: So you don't vote there. Where did you vote?
  • H: London, yeah.
  • I: What do you think of the Brexit? Welcome to Europe!
  • H: Thank you very much, thanks. I mean, I don't really comment on politics. To me, anything that brings people together is better than things that pull people apart. That's ... yeah.
  • I: Yet, you are in favour of equality of rights, men, women, gay people, straight people... That's politics.
  • H: I don't know. It doesn't feel like politics. I think stuff like equality feels much more fundamental. I feel like everyone is equal. That doesn't feel like politics to me.
  • I: Your fans are fetishists. They know all of your tattoos, piece of jewellery, they have heart attacks when you cut your hair. Right now you're playing with their feelings. Do you know that?
  • H: Oh ok.
  • I: Yes! What is your favourite tattoo?
  • H: I think... I have a.. probably. I don't know, actually.
  • I: Which one is the latest?
  • H: The latest is this one there. *shows Arlo* And this one. *shows Jackson*
  • I: Jackson? All of them?
  • H: Yes.
  • I: What's the story behind your haircut? How much did you spend on hair products with One Direction?
  • H: Yeah, like a lot. I used a lot, yeah.
  • I: You're in Dunkirk, Christopher Nolan's new movie.
  • H: Yes.
  • I: How did you do?
  • H: I auditioned.
  • I: Look at you there.
  • H: I am, that's me.
  • I: Yes.
  • H: I auditioned and it was great. It's going to be a really cool movie.
  • I: Harry, it feels like we know you since you're a baby. The whole world discovered you in 2010 on X Factor.
  • *video of Harry's X Factor audition*
  • I: You auditioned alone but Simon Cowell had an idea... he put you in a band with Zayn, Louis, Liam and Niall. You became One Direction. You found the name One Direction and you sold millions of albums. One Direction are soon considered as the new Beattles and you filled the biggest stadiums. The whole world was talking about you. When you go out we prayed for your eardrums. You became UK's pride. David Cameron is in one of your music videos, your sang for the Queen. But in 2015... bang! Zayn left the band, fans couldn't get over it. But don't worry, their favourite is now on the cover of the Rolling Stone magazine, he's in Christopher Nolan's new movie, he's Mick Jagger on SNL... What you don't know is that we've met in 2012. You were in France to promote an album and now I have questions. First one! When you're in a car and fans are all around you, do you see that?
  • *video of fans around a car*
  • H: I think I've actually lost my shoe there. When I got in the car... I got in the car and I was like "how many shoes do I have?" Yes I lost my shoe.
  • I: I have another question! Do you still do that before going on stage?
  • *video of Harry and Lou*
  • I: Can we do it?
  • H: No.
  • *does it anyway*
  • I: What is the weirdest question someone asked you?
  • H: I think it was actually a French interview. I got asked if I would pee in a sink... Yeah.
  • I: Ok, that's weird!
  • H: It was the first question, the first question.
  • I: It puts you in the mood.
  • H: Yeah.
  • I: What is the question you never want to be asked ever again? Did I asked you that question?
  • *Harry asks the public*
  • H: Which one? Oh crush.
  • I: What?
  • H: Crush.
  • I: Oh ok. I didn't ask it! Did you know that a French author wrote a novel about you. It's called "Styles", it's about his obsession with you. It's in French. You can translate it.
  • H: Oh! Is that true?
  • I: Yes it's true. He dedicated to you. It's called "Styles" and it's a really good book. Read it!
  • H: Thank you.
  • I: Thank you very much Harry Styles for coming tonight. His first eponymous album comes out on the 12th May. Thank you Harry Styles.
  • H: Thank you.
  • I: Have a safe journey home.
BBS As Things I've Heard At School
  • Vanoss : I may be very popular but honestly I am so socially scared of people the only reason they like me os cause I smile and nod quietly while inwardly screaming in fear.
  • Delirious : Honestly if I'm voted most likely to be a killer I wouldn't evn be surprised. I think they even said that about me in pre-school.
  • Moo : I have unfortunately become the mom friend and it has made me afraid of ever becoming a mother.
  • " You're a guy. "
  • And? Women are strong to deal with this bullshit! I can't handle you all I would clearly never be a good mother.
  • Terroriser : You know how most people want all eyes on them when walking into a room? I figured it out. Walk in and start doing really loud impressions!
  • Ohm : I feel I'm the friend who you have around so at least someone is semi-innocent in this massive pile of devil spawns.
  • Wildcat : I have no choice but to hang out with you all - I don't know how to make friends anymore!
  • Mini : You want to know what sucks?! Emily got nominated for Prom King over me. One, she's a girl! Not that there's a problem with the fact she's female but in this case there are two seperate places! And a third if anyone were agender. AND TWO! SHE DOESN'T EVEN ATTEND THIS SCHOOL!
  • Nogla : I'm not actually as dumb as I come off as. *misspells their name on a test* O-Okay well you see...I have...no...okay.
  • Lui : Take me back to kindergarden. Snacks, recess and snacks. Away from bullshit and lies.
  • Basically : I had this group of friends before. They only hung out with me to show "diversity" so they didn't come off as racist. That comment madee realize they were. Ditched their asses.
  • Scotty : Only once in my life have I ever...I mean ever! Won at a game! Monopoly, Life, Mario Kart...life in general...
  • Smiity : *after someone accidently steps on the back of their shoe* Yeah okay bitch. Get ready for that fucking restraining order on your ass!
  • Cartoonz : I have been compared to a southern satan before. I'm not sure which was more true. The fact that I'm very Southern. Or that I'm satan. *hisses and chokes on spit*
How them 2000s live actions kids shows be
  • Normal Girl: *internally* I'm just a normal high school girl. I suck at math. I hate my parents. When someone asks me about my opinion on complex socioeconomic issues, I just go "What the heck!?" and start "texting" or something like that. My life would be just like yours, except for one thing: I have an amazing power... I can talk to cetaceans!
  • *at the docks, a bell tolls as our normal protagonist hears the voices of cetaceans bubbling in her mind*
  • Normal Girl: *staring deeply into the ocean*
  • Best Friend: Ahoy! What're you doing?
  • Normal Girl: Just staring into the oceanic abyss, thinking about how much I hate my parents. *internally* I have to keep my ability to speak to cetaceans secret or else... uh...
  • Best Friend: Haha, I feel that, friend. What a colorful life we teens live, our seaside environment awakening a rumbling darkness within ourselves of which we mull on our own with nothing but the unbounding depths of the ocean as our one escape. An escape which serves to only maim our fragile egos with newfound adolescent anxieties.
  • Normal Girl: What are you even talking about?
  • Best Friend: I don't know. I haven't slept in a week. Let's go to the mall.
  • *at the mall*
  • Normal Girl: *internally* My town might as well be called Lamesville. Nothing ever happens here, but the mall can be pretty fun. It's only place in the whole town with anything in it that isn't fish or excessive amounts of woodlice.
  • Best Friend: ...So I'd just dance and I'd dance until my feet broke. When that happened, I'd just get up and dance on my broken feet. And I did this until they were raw and blood was everywhere. I kept waking up in the morning extremely exhausted after this dream. I decided to record myself one night and it turns out I was dancing in my sleep. I haven't slept since I saw that. *leans in close to the normal girl* I'm afraid of what I'll do in my sleep.
  • Normal Girl: Wow, sounds weird... I guess. *sips coffee*
  • Best Friend: OMIGAWD! It's Chad Alphakid. He's coming this way!
  • *the normal girl and her best friend squee*
  • Normal Girl: *externally* That's Chad Alphakid. Who is he? He's only the hottest most coolest boy in this entire lame city. I've been crushing on him since I was like twelve.
  • Chad: Uh, okay.
  • Normal Girl: Did I just say that out loud!?
  • Chad: *sits at the table* Listen, I don't care what you or your friend think of me. I need help!
  • Best Friend: Have you murdered somebody?
  • Normal Girl: Do you need a girlfriend?
  • Chad: No, it's the ocean. The sound of her waves crashing against the shore is like a faultless siren song. There isn't a single night where I don't have visions of floating within her cold embrace. The allure of her boundless depths beckon to me like a lover. I'm afraid that if I don't get help soon, I'll find myself taken away by her to a fate unknown.
  • Normal Girl: *internally* Great, this is a chance to finally use my power to speak to cetaceans to my benefit! *externally* But why do you need us to help you?
  • Chad: You guys are the biggest fucking degenerate weirdos in this washed up town. If anyone knows how to deal with this, it's you two.
  • Best Friend: Haha, truuuuuu!
  • Normal Girl: I'm not a weirdo! I'm a completely normal girl.
  • Chad: Dude, you fucking talk to fish.
  • Best Friend: You do talk to fish.
  • Normal Girl: I don't talk to fish! *internally* I talk to cetaceans, they're mammals, not fish. Also, that's supposed to be a secret, dammit!
  • *at the shore*
  • Chad: Ah, Mother Ocean! Take me!! Take me!!! *attempts to run into the ocean, but gets held back by the normal girl and her best friend*
  • Best Friend: Simmer down, aqualad!
  • Chad: Why did you fools take me here, if not to release into the embrace of sweet Mother Ocean!?
  • Normal Girl: We talked it over and we decided that the best way to get you over your obsession is make you hate the ocean.
  • Chad: Does it involve you talking to fish?
  • Normal Girl: Yes, I mean no. I mean, fuck! Cetaceans aren't fish.
  • *the normal girl sits at the edge of shore, her eyes rolls up in her head as she proceeds to make fucked up porpoise sounds*
  • Normal Girl: *falls over limp*
  • Best Fried: She died.
  • Chad: Does this mean that I'm free to wade into Mother Ocean and meet my fate among her ever chaotic waes?
  • Best Friend: *lets chad go* Yeah, dude. I'm too far gone to care about things anymore.
  • Chad: *strips off all of his clothes* Good. I now understand that there was no avoiding this. This was always a forgone conclusion. My fate is with the waves. Sayonara, weird best friend guy.
  • Chad: *runs into the ocean*
  • Best Friend: *kicks the normal girl's body* Guess she really is dead.
  • Best Friend: *walks home as the night encroaches* My closest friend is dead, and Chad is probably dead too. I wonder where my fate lies?
  • Best Friend: *yawns* Maybe I should go to sleep and just dance myself to death finally. No, I don't think I could go to sleep even if I wanted to anymore. I'm probably going to die from exhaustion in the next few days, not having felt rest or comfort again. Or maybe I'll just stay awake forever. I feel like I was supposed to have an epiphany here, or some type of awakening. But, there's nothing. I feel like everything I've ever done has been pointless. God, I'm just really tired.
  • *back at the shore*
  • Porpoise: *beaches itself*
  • *a gray fleshy version of the normal girl crawls halfway out of the porpoises mouth*
  • Normal Girl: There goes my corpse! *drags her weird porpoise body towards the corpse* Why did I die with such a dumb expression on my face? Lame! I hope Chad didn't see.
  • Normal Girl: *looks around with beady eyes* No one's here. I can finally do this.
  • Normal Girl: *kisses her dead body on the lips* Blargh!
  • Normal Girl: *spits out blood* I bit my tongue when I died. Gross. I guess I can cross making out with my dead body and becoming a mermaid off of my bucket list, though.
  • Normal Girl: *sighs*
An observation of Markiplier TV

Emphasis on the observation part because I’ve never really been good with theories. I have a number of things to do today but unfortunately, I watched this video and now I can’t stop thinking about it. Hopefully this’ll quiet my mind and let me function, and who knows? Maybe it’ll help someone out there with their own theories too. :)

So, let’s talk about this scene:

We got one hell of a group here BUT what I’d like to focus on is their seating arrangement and what that could mean, because if there’s anything I’ve learned in videos like this it’s that EVERYTHING is by design. This entire table scene (props to the Editor btw) has so much hidden psychological subtext in it, so while I’m no professional I’ll still do my best to uncover them all.

First off, let’s look at the table: Rectangular with two long ends and two short ones. Pretty normal setting yeah, but is it beneficial to their situation (i.e. finding a way to ‘take control’) where everyone easily agrees? Nope. Because tables like these embody competition and a clear sense of authority, and I love this detail. It means that while they could’ve easily gone for a round table to promote cooperation, they go for this because of course, no one’s going to cooperate that easily.

This setting, however, works better in the business cooperative world, because you got two people (Darkiplier & Wilford) who can control the meeting from both ends of the table and are essentially the people everyone will need to look up to.

Here’s a great detail though: In this kind of setting, the more powerful of the two is usually the one opposite the entrance to the room. This allows him not just a vantage point of whoever comes in and goes, but complete control as well. And as we see where King of the Squirrels pops up:

Originally posted by antisepticjack

Which we can easily tell was from the right of the room based on the direction his body and eyes shift to, we can point out where the entrance is and who was right there:

But yeah, in this moment it didn’t seem like Will had control over King’s sudden entrance but let’s face it: he doesn’t care. He already knows that there’s more than one king in that room.

Speaking of, let’s move on to the seating arrangement.

Obviously we got Dark and Will at the ends as the higher ups, but I’d like to talk about Googleplier and The Host.

In medieval times, kings would often have their advisors right at their side at the table. This actually explains the term “right hand man”, because the king would have them close at hand to help him rule, unless of course, he was left-handed. Looking back at Dark’s antics, I have reason to believe that he’s either left-handed or ambidextrous.

Originally posted by http-darkiplier-403forbidden

Which I guess would make sense, considering that while Ed, Bim, Silver and Dr. Iplier were all concerned about their parts in the video, only Google and The Host were able to keep a level head and not lose sight of their main goal/situation.

Now the last thing I want to talk about is Wilford’s idea for Markiplier TV. I must warn you though because this is going to be a bit of a stretch so stop reading if you’d like BUT… I think he may have been inspired by Anti.

AGAIN, please bear with me. Jack’s mentioned before that Dark and Anti ever meeting each other was very unlikely, which in Dark’s case (being the alter ego that’s been pushed inside the most) could be more than true. However, Wilford makes up for this as he’s the only one not bound by the laws of physics and is, potentially, omnipresent. So it’s possible that he’s aware of Anti (since he was aware of Septiplier after all) and his methods (i.e. using social media to have his fans notice him which then gives him control) BUT, being Wilford, he goes about it in his own roundabout way which is, of course, TELEVISION.

So, yeah, this is all I can come up with. Excluding my attempt in theorizing at the very end I hope this was helpful. Now I’m just hoping that my thoughts on Antisepticeye don’t get too hectic and end up like this long wall of text. Thanks for reading. :)

Bittersweet reunion rp starters(Warning:death mentions and angst) and
  • •"It's been awhile..."
  • •"Long time,no see..."
  • •"How long was I gone?"
  • •"Do you have any idea how long you were/I was gone?!"
  • •"You've/I've been gone for so goddamn long and the only thing you have to say is HEY?!"
  • •"I've missed you."
  • •"Did you miss me?"
  • •"Why are you here?"
  • •"Did you miss me like I've missed you?"
  • •"Why did you come back?"
  • •"Why did you leave?"
  • •"You're the reason why I've returned..."
  • •"Where have you been all this time?"
  • •"I thought you were dead!"
  • •"But you're here and that's all that matters"
  • •"I'm so glad that you're here"
  • •"You owe me an explanation."
  • •"So...what's new?"
  • •"Things have changed since the last time we saw each other..."
  • •"You're not leaving me again,are you?"
  • •"Will we ever meet again?"
  • •"Don't do this again!Please..."
  • •"I'll never abandon you again..."
  • •"You/I shouldn't have come back"
  • •"You/I should've have left"
  • •"I brought you a gift.I hope you like it"
  • •"I'm so sorry for disappearing so suddenly"
  • •"I told you I would come back!"
  • •"Thank god I've returned in time to save you!"
  • •"[insert name here]?Is that you?"
  • •"Are you real?This must be a dream"
  • •"It's been so long since we've talked like this"
  • •"I have no good reason for excusing myself.I'm sorry"
  • •"I left because I...I.."
  • •"Let's sit down somewhere comfy.Tell me all the juicy gossip that I've missed!"
  • •"I have so much to fill you in.."
  • •"Things were much better before you/I left..."
  • •"You know that legendary dog Hachiko?I'm just like him.At least my patience paid off..."
  • •"I've/You've changed..."
  • •"So,how's it going with [enter convention topic here]?"
  • •"I see that nothing has changed while I was gone"
  • •"Nothing ever changes here"
  • •"Suprise bitch!Bet you thought you'd seen the last of me."
  • •"Well...I've waited here like I promised"
  • •"I thought I would never see you again"
  • •"So,what do you want to talk about?"
  • •"You didn't even try to look for me!"
  • •"You left me to die!"
  • •"I/You left because of [insert person/reason here]!"
  • •"I wasn't able to tell you at the time"
  • •"You/I could've at least said goodbye."
  • •"How dare show yourself here after all this time?!"
  • •"Next time,take me with you,ok?"
A History Of My Throne Of Glass Ships
  • Throne Of Glass: Hmm, okay let's see we have to handsome men here yeah okay... Dorian is so swoon-worthy (Insert squeal) I like Chaol but... he's so serious :/ HE GOT HER A PUPPY! I REPEAT HE GOT HER A PUPPY! SHIP SHIP CELARION FOREVER
  • Crown Of Midnight: No Celaena, go to Dorian. No Celaena, go to Dorian. Chaol, good bye. No, don't go talk to the courtesan. Archer, no one cares. Celaena, go to... He danced with her! That's so sweet! Awwwwwww, Chaolena! Chaolena all the way! She'll come back for him! She has to come back for him! Right? Right? (Dorian who?)
  • Heir Of Fire: Okay, so Celaena will just finish her mission and go back to Chaol. Okay. Who's this Rowan guy? Tattoos you say? Okay... Aedion is a traitor! Ughhh, I hate this witch girl. Luca, I LOVE YOU! Rowan, don't be a jerk. Dorian, I know Sorscha's nice and all but we all know she gone die. The nice ones die first. Rowan! He saw her scars and he and then and he cares and and I'm not okay. HE TOLD HER TO STAY WITH HIM! SHIP! SHIP! SHIP! Aww, Sorscha died but... ROWAELIN!(Chaol who?)
  • Queen Of Shadows: I miss Rowan. Eww, Chaol. Arobynn, DON'T TOUCH HER! I'm bored. There's no ships... ROWAN'S BACK! YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! Malide?... (Chants)ROWAELIN ROWAELIN ROWAELIN. I'm just gonna ship Chaol with that Nesryn girl because I like her and I don't want him ruining my ship... SHE PLAYED PIANO FOR HIM!!!!! SHE TOOK HIM TO SAM"S GRAVE!!! Lysaedion??? OMG THE DINNER!!! ROWAN, I LOVE YOU!!! Manorian, okay! NO NO NO THEY"RE NOT ALLOWED TO DIE. Okay. Okay. They're alive. AWW ROWAN! Lysaedion...Rowaelin...YES! (NOTHING CAN GO WRONG!)
  • Empire Of Storms: ROWAELIN, YES! ROWAELIN WILL CONQUER EVERYTHING AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER! Elide and Lorcan, no! Never! Lysaedion, heck yeah! CALLED IT! Elide and Lorcan pretending to be married, yeah no. Yeah, yes? Lysaedion! He said he gone marry her! ROWAELIN... BEACH... UMMM... Okay! That happened! YES! FENRYS, MARRY ME! I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER! (Sings...(Badly)) ROWAELIN HAD HAPPENED AND EVERYTHING IS PERFECT AND THIS DOESN'T RHYME AND IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS PERFECT! Ooh... LORCAN. CUT. UP. HIS. SHIRT. FOR HER. HE SAVED HER. HE DIDN'T STEAL THE KEY! IS AELIN PREGNANT??? Manorian! ELORCAN IS REAL! I AM COMPLETE! MANORIAN! ROWAELIN! LYSAEDION! MAEVE GTFO! HE WON AN ARMY FOR HER!!! LORCAN CALLED MAEVE TO SAVE ELIDE! (Hyperventilating) NO! NO! NO! DON'T BRING OUT THE WHIP! NO! ROWAN! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Mates? Mates?! MATES???!!! PUT THE DARN COFFIN AWAY! (TAKES A BREAK TO SOB UNCONTROLLABLY)
  • HE MARRIED HER? HE MARRIED HER? HE MARRIED HER! (TAKES ANOTHER BREAK) ELIDE, DON'T SAY THAT TO HIM! lYSSANDRA!(BREAK) NO! SHE GOT THEM AN ARMY! (BREAK) MANORIAN IS REAL! ROWAN, GET HER BACK! (SOBS) (Happiness, what?)

master-sass-blast  asked:

Right. So. Might be mildly addicted to your 'Gods and Monsters' series. Definitely need an intervention, but I'll prolly ignore that anyway, so... anyway, can you do something with Zeus and Hera? I've always thought it was massively whack that the goddess of fidelity was with --according to Greek mythos--one of the biggest adulterers on Olympus. Definitely smelling a bit of an abusive relationship there, if you catch my drift... okay byeeeee

Hera, the young goddess of marriage and family, is only unfaithful to her husband once.

She seduces Zeus first, right as the war ends and they’re all pain and ash and thrumming with the excitement of victory. She smiles just so and touches his bloody chest, her hand pale against the dark copper of his skin and, and when he looks at her his eyes spark with the lightning he so easily commands. She is named his wife that very night, her body littered with bruises from his rough, eager hands, and she tells herself the bile at the back of her throat tastes like victory.

She is queen of the gods. This is what she wants.

They’ve all claimed their domains and gone their separate ways, Demeter to the earth, Hades to the underworld, and Hestia to Olympus where they plan to build their palace. But Poseidon still lingers. “Don’t you have an ocean to conquer?” she asks.

He looks at her, then behind her to where Zeus is busy sketching plans for Olympus. “You don’t have to do this,” he says softly, “you – you can come with me if you want. Or I’m sure Hades would take you.”

Hera has no time for Poseidon and his soft heart. “I will only belong to the best,” she says, tossing her head so her crown of curls fall over her shoulder. “You should go. You have work to do.”

“There are more important things than power,” he says uncomfortably, shifting from foot to foot.

“No,” she says, “there aren’t.”

~

Hera would not mind Zeus’s women so much if they were not constantly giving him children, something she has been unable to do.

She is an obedient wife. She does not turn her powers against him, and she’s tolerant of his mortals at first, but the longer she is empty of child the less patience she has. How can she be the goddess of family without one of her own?

Her spite gets in her way, and she hurls every kind of obstacle and curse she can at the woman her husband lies with. At first he is angry with her, and bruises litter her throat and wrists. Then, as her wrath and powers grow, he is afraid of her. He watches her warily, sneaking to the mortal realm when before he wouldn’t even try to hide it. He submits when she pins him to the bed and rides him hard, desperate for a child of his, desperate to fulfill the perfect image of wife and mother she’s built for herself.

No matter her magic, no matter how many times they lie together, Hera does not get with child.

She goes to Hestia, and her sister presses a hand to her stomach and purses her lips and says, “Must it be his child?”

Hera stares. She’s the goddess of marriage and family. She is not capable of infidelity. “I – I can’t.”

“Just once,” Hestia says, “the problem is not with you, nor with him, clearly. Only the combination of you both. Lie with any other man, and you will have your child.”

So Hera, just once, puts on a disguise and goes to the mortal realm. She finds a man with skin darker than Zeus’s, a rich warm brown that matches his soft eyes. She lies with him, and it hurts. He is kind and patient and kisses the edge of her jaw, her shoulders, her navel. But to be unfaithful grates against her very nature as a goddess, and every moment is agony. He finishes, his mouth whispering kind things against her own, and she leaves as soon as she can.

It works. She becomes round with child, and is happier than she’s been in a long time. She does not mind Zeus’s mortals, and he even becomes kinder while the baby grows inside of her. His hands become softer, and he spends less time away from Olympus.

The baby is born, and Zeus is furious.

The child is too dark to be his, and he tears it from Hera’s hands while she lies exhausted from the birth. “What do you care?” she cries, struggling to stand, “You have dozens of children. What does it matter if I have one?”

He holds the baby in one hand and grabs her jaw with the other, pulling her to her knees. “You are my wife,” he hisses, “the goddess of marriage and family. You will have my child, or no child at all.”

He throws the baby from Mount Olympus. Hera screams, pushing herself away from him and attempting to jump after it. Zeus catches her around the waist, and with a crackle of power and roar of rage, he sends a lightning bolt after the baby.

The child may have survived the fall, but not the lightning.

“NO!” Hera screeches, clawing at his arm as she struggles to escape his grasp. Normally she’s not this helpless against him, but delivering her baby has left her weaker than she’s ever been before.

He presses the flat of his hand against her swollen womb, adding pressure until she cries out in pain and tries to squirm away from him. “My child,” he repeats, voice low and terrible, “or no child at all.”

He lets her go, and she collapses, grasping out a hand over the edge of Olympus. But the blood between her thighs is still wet, and she can’t find the energy to stand. She wonders if she’ll have to crawl down the mountain to retrieve her baby’s corpse.

“Sister!” Soft hands grab her shoulder and gently roll her onto her back. Hestia’s face fills her vision, and Hera has never seen the older goddess of hearth and fire look so cold. “I’ll kill him,” she says, hands hovering over Hera like she’s not sure where to begin. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think this would happen, I didn’t think he would – I didn’t think.”

Hera curls on her side until she can place her head in her sister’s lap. She’s not sobbing anymore, she’s never been one to fall into hysterics, but she can’t stop crying, a steady stream of tears dripping silently down her face. Hestia runs trembling hands through her hair. “Don’t,” she whispers, “I did this, this is my fault. I – I should have known better.”

Hestia’s hand cup her face, leaning over so she can look her in the eye. “This is not your fault.”

Her sister stands and picks her up in her arms. Hera tries to tell her to put her down, that Zeus will be angry if she leaves, that she did this to herself. But she falls unconscious before she can get any of it out.

~

Hera awakens someplace soft and warm. She opens her eyes, and she’s inside Hades’s palace. Her confusion lasts only until her memories come rushing back, and then she has to bite her lip until it bleeds to stop herself from crying out.

“Hestia brought you here. She’s returned to Olympus to cover for you both. Do not worry – Zeus doesn’t know where you are.” She turns her head, and sees the goddess of magic at her side. Hecate smiles, “I have mended you, do not worry. All is well.”

All is not well. That statement is so far from true, and her instant urge is to crush Hecate to dust for the audacity. Before she can make up her mind one way or the other, there’s a soft knock on the door. It opens to reveal her elder brother. “I have something that belongs to you,” he says, and Here focuses on the bundle in the crook of his elbow.

Her baby’s corpse. She’s relieved someone thought to get it. Her heart feels like lead, and all the control she’d had over her emotions is gone instantly. She hopes they’ll leave her alone to hold the body of her child and weep.

Hades gingerly sits on the edge of the bed, and Hecate rises to help Hera prop herself up so she’s at least sitting. “He’s a strong little thing,” Hades says, and Hera doesn’t understand.

Then a warm, wriggling baby is placed in her arms. He’s got great big eyes and his mouth splits into a toothless grin when he sees her. “He’s alive,” she says numbly.

“Not without sacrifice,” Hecate says softly, and reaches over to undo the blanket he’s swaddled in.

Her son has no legs below his knees.

“Zeus’s lightning bolt didn’t kill him, but we cannot return what was lost,” Hades says, pained. “When he’s older, maybe we can do something, give him something in place of legs. But for now, there’s nothing I can do.”

The king of the underworld is the most powerful god after her husband. Hera knows that, even if Zeus doesn’t. If Hades can’t do anything about her son’s legs, then no can. But he’s alive, Zeus didn’t manage to kill him, and Hera finds herself so grateful that she’s holding a smiling, living child that she can’t be anything but relieved. Her son is alive, and happy. He doesn’t need legs.

“I can’t bring him back to Olympus,” she looks up at them, “Can you find someone to raise him? Someone you trust?”

She doesn’t trust anyone, so it can’t be her choosing.

“You’re going back to him?” Hecate demands, “Hestia said – but I thought for sure – you don’t have to! Don’t go back to him!”

“I must,” she holds her son to her chest, and he reaches out with chubby hands to tug at her hair. “I am the goddess of marriage, and he is my husband.”

Hecate stares, aghast. “Don’t – don’t, Hera. Please. Stay here. Hades will protect you.”

She looks up at her brother, and he raises an eyebrow. He would protect her, he would put himself in between her and Zeus’s wrath if she asked him to. But she won’t, and she thinks he knows it. She says, “I am Hera of the Heights, of Argos, of the Mound. I am the cow eyed, white armed goddess of marriage and of family. I am Hera, queen of the gods.” She looks down at her son, and her heart clenches, because for now a title that cannot be afforded to her is that of mother. “I will not abandon my dominion, nor my husband. I will return to Mount Olympus.”

“But you don’t love him,” Hecate says helplessly.

Hera stares, baffled that anyone could think her marriage had anything to do with love. “Of course not. But this isn’t about love. It’s about power.”

The goddess of magic swallows, then says, “I will raise him.”

Even Hades is surprised by that. “Hecate?”

“I will raise him,” she repeats, “He will stay with me, safe in the underworld where Zeus cannot find him, until he’s old enough and strong enough to protect himself.”

“Thank you,” Hera says, and lowers her head enough to kiss the top of her son’s head. “Tell him that I’m the one that threw him from Olympus.” When she looks up, Hades is resigned while Hecate looks on in horror. “Tell him, tell everyone. I gave birth to a hideous son, and I threw him from Olympus. His legs were crushed in the fall. I did this. Zeus tried to stop me, but could not.”

“Why?” Hecate asks.

Hera smiles down at her son, her heart full with a helpless sort of love. “So that when he ventures from the safety of the underworld, Zeus will have no reason to hurt him. So that when he comes to Olympus, Zeus will be unable to hurt him without explaining he was the one that tried to kill him in the first place.” She runs the back of her finger down his cheek, and he grabs it, his little fist holding onto her. “Blame me, and he will be safe.”

Hecate looks like she wants to argue. Hades puts a hand on her shoulder and asks Hera, “What’s his name?”

Her son smiles, and tugs at her hand, the beginnings of a giggle gurgling in his throat.

“His name is Hephaestus.”

~

When she returns, she no longer has any patience for Zeus’s mortals. When before she had only inconvenienced them, now she’s not playing any games. Those that do not die end up wishing they had, and she’s especially vindictive to any mortal carrying her husband’s child.

She sits on her throne, waiting, a smirk curled around the corner of her lips.

Zeus barges in and charges towards her. He’s so angry smoke is rising off his skin. “You,” he hisses, “this is your doing.”

“Whatever do you mean?” she asks, unflinching when he slams his hands on either side of her head, crushing the back of her throne with the force of it.

“She and the children are dead,” he snarls, “my children are dead! I know this is your doing, it reeks of your handiwork.”

Hera slides forward to the edge of her throne, their faces nearly touching, and spreads her legs. He flexes his hands, because even at his most furious he still wants her. She is his wife and his queen. She banishes her clothing so she’s spread out before him, hair piled high and jewelry glinting around her neck. “What are you going to do about it?”

He kisses her hard enough to bruise, and Hera crosses her legs around his back, urging him closer. “Why are you doing this?” he hisses, mouthing at her neck, because he hates her even as he loves her, hates her because he loves her, and loves her because he hates her.

She waits until he’s inside her to lick the shell of his ear and whisper, “My child, or no child at all, husband.”

When he breaks her skin with his teeth, she only laughs.

They do this to each other. Maybe they are meant to be together.


gods and monsters series part xv

read more from the gods and monsters series here

BTS CHAT: Yoongi, Namjoon and Jin prepare to confess to Y/N but they are shocked to run into each other in her backyard at night.
  • Namjoon crouches in the bush outside Y/N's window.
  • NAMJOON: (Deep breath) I can do this.
  • SUGA: Do what?
  • Suga pops out over Namjoon's shoulder.
  • NAMJOON: AHH!
  • Suga covers Namjoon's mouth.
  • SUGA: Will you shut up? Unless of course you want to alert the whole neighborhood that you're crouching in a girl's backyard at 12 am.
  • NAMJOON: What are you doing here?
  • SUGA: I saw you leave the house with your guitar, so I followed you.
  • NAMJOON: Well go back home.
  • SUGA: Not until you tell me what your plan is.
  • NAMJOON: What plan?
  • SUGA: Your plan to impress Y/N.
  • NAMJOON: I'll tell you after it works.
  • SUGA: (Shrugs) Fine, then I guess you I won't tell you mine.
  • ...
  • NAMJOON: Wait, what?
  • Suga opens up a bag and inside are chocolate, flowers and a mini speaker.
  • NAMJOON: What the hell man? Are you serious?
  • SUGA: Yup.
  • Suga walks out into the open and presses play on the song; First Love. Suga holds the speaker above his head and flowers in the other hand.
  • JIN: What the hell is going on here?!
  • Jin walks into the backyard with a picnic basket and a gigantic teddy bear.
  • Namjoon comes out of the bushes.
  • NAMJOON: Are you serious? Is following me just thing you guys do now?
  • SUGA: Well by the looks of it, it's that and liking the same girl.
  • JIN: You guys like Y/N?
  • NAMJOON: Yeah. Pretty much.
  • SUGA: No, I just like to take late night strolls into people's backyards. And sometimes, I like to buy myself roses.
  • JIN: AHHH!
  • NAMJOON: (Concerned) What is it?
  • JIN: Oh, just my back hurts from when you stabbed me!
  • SUGA: Was that supposed to be funny? Cuz it wasn't.
  • JIN: You'll know when I'm being funny Yoongi.
  • SUGA: Will I?
  • JIN: Both of you leave now!
  • NAMJOON: No way! I got here first!
  • SUGA: Actually, I got here first. Y/N brought me to her house before she even met you two.
  • JIN: Well I was born first.
  • SUGA: Speaking of that, I don't think Y/N would be into a 'mature' man.
  • JIN: Good thing I'm not mature then!
  • NAMJOON: I don't think that worked the way you wanted it to.
  • JIN: Shut up and leave. I didn't cook all this food for Y/N for you guys to ruin things.
  • SUGA: Fine. Leave the food here and I'll make sure Y/N and I don't let it go to waste.
  • JIN: Sometimes I really don't like you.
  • NAMJOON: I learnt how to play the guitar for her. Do you know how hard it is to strum with no pick?!
  • JIMIN: SHHH!
  • Namjoon, Jin and Suga look up at Y/N's window to see Jimin shirtless and poking his head out.
  • JIMIN: You guys are so loud. Y/N is trying to sleep.
  • SUGA: What the fuck?!
Why doesnt SOMEONE do something aobut ALL THESE FUCKING BOTS ON social MEDIA ???????????????
  • Co-Worker: *internally* The new guy is so cool. Well, I guess he's not the new guy anymore because he has been working here for months now, but he's still great. I look up to him so much. He's funny, and outgoing. He even gave me a cute nickname. He never recognizes my affection for him, but I think today is the day. Today is the day he'll realize how cool and cute I am.
  • Co-Worker: H-Hi!
  • New Guy: Hey, braids.
  • Co-Worker: Do you like music?
  • New Guy: Yeah, I mean everyone likes music. Kinda weird if you don't. You're friends with that rep, right?
  • Co-Worker: Huh?
  • New Guy: You know, the mopey one. Dark hair. Does she like me?
  • Co-Worker: Everyone likes you. I like you.
  • New Guy: Yeah, but that rep. That rep doesn't talk to me.
  • Co-Worker: I'm sure she likes you. You're so cool and kind and... uh, Britney Spears followed me on twitter!
  • New Guy: Whoa, what!? Britney Spears!? You're fucking joking!
  • Co-Worker: I'm serious. I guess, I'm really cool now. Hahahahahahahaha.
  • New Guy: Lemme see.
  • Co-Worker: Huh?
  • New Guy: Lemme see your phone. I wanna see Britney following you. Can you like DM her?
  • Co-Worker: You're not allowed to take your phone out at work.
  • New Guy: Come on, no one cares.
  • Co-Worker: Uh, here you go, I guess. *hands new guy her phone*
  • New Guy: *checks twitter* ...This is a bot.
  • Co-Worker: Huh?
  • New Guy: It's not the real Britney Spears, this is very obviously a bot.
  • Co-Worker: No, it's totally her. How can you even tell?
  • New Guy: First off, she only has two followers. One of which is you and the other is another Britney Spears bot. Secondly, her twitter name is Brittany Spear. Third, all of her posts are about discount fishing rods.
  • Co-Worker: Oh... I guess I didn't notice.
  • New Guy: You're fucking with me aren't you?
  • Co-Worker: *sweats* Sure, yeah.
  • New Guy: *laughs* I love you, braids. You're funny as shit.
  • Co-Worker: You love me!?
  • New Guy: Yeah, as a minor work acquaintance. Hey, if you talk to that rep later on, tell her to hit me up some time.
  • Co-Worker: Sure... yeah.
  • *later*
  • Co-Worker: *checking phone* It can't be a bot. It's definitely not a bot. Why would a Britney Spears bot follow me. I'm not even interested in fishing. It has to be the real Britney. *DMs the bot* Hey, hello Britney.
  • Brittany Spear: hi what're up :)
  • Co-Worker: Britney, I knew you were real!
  • Brittany Spear: lol hey ! :) :P
  • Co-Worker: Britney, you have to prove to this guy at my job that you're real. He's so cute and I love him so much and I want him to notice me.
  • Brittany Spear: wow hey did you kno that u can decrease you're morrtgrage rate by up to 20% check it out at www.extra.savings.ca/riwuWqoaQ/ref/100200
  • Co-Worker: Britney, this is serious.
  • Brittany Spear: Hi :)
  • Co-Worker: Britney PLS!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Brittany Spear: do U want boys to like U 🤔
  • Co-Worker: Yes, Britney! Show me the way!
  • Brittany Spear: is verry easy just follow this link and find your way https://find.your.way.jp/4wfwf42435753g$single/trinity/
  • Co-Worker: *clicks link*
  • Co-Worker: *pupils dilate*
  • *later*
  • New Guy: *working halfheartedly*
  • Co-Worker: *stumbles into new guy's cubicle* Greeting.
  • New Guy: Hey, braids.
  • Co-Worker: Does your like fishing?
  • New Guy: Nah. Never been much of an outdoorsman unless it involves extreme sports.
  • Co-Worker: Cooooooool. Go to www DOT amazone DOT co DOT de FORWARDSLASH promo FORWARDSLASH yourdiscountnow FORWARDSLASH for 90% discount code on premium fishing rods.
  • New Guy: You alright, braids? You sound kinda complete weird, and your eyes are a little completely black.
  • Co-Worker: Actavis, sizzurup, lean, drank. I've low prices completely legal real prescription email me at colombiaeastdrugstore AT gmail.com w FORWARDSLASH offers 100% secure line. Encrypted currencies accepted: BTC, Dogecoin.
  • New Guy: Uh... yeah. *leads co-worker out of his cubicle* I'm kinda completely busy at the moment. So I'll talk to you later braids. You should probably get back to work too.
  • Co-Worker: Been rejected? I can help you. Popular girls are on hand to chat 24/7 with advice at www DOT ez DASH chat DOT co DOT nz FORWARDSLASH promo FORWARDSLASH res575929682
  • *later*
  • Brittany Spear: *tweets* Why is it so dark? Why am I so numb?
Ninjago confusion:
  • Lloyd: I just don't know...why am I the leader?
  • Jay: Hey yeah, why ARE you leader again?
  • Wu: Because he is the green ninja, and destined to lead you all.
  • Kai: Really? That's kind of weak, and I'm not just saying that because of my Red Ranger complex.
  • Cole: Honestly we've all taken the role of leader and saved the day time and time again, maybe we don't really HAVE a leader?
  • Jay: Also we were all his teachers once, now he's in charge? That's weird.
  • Wu: It is his destin-
  • Nya: Shut the fuck up old man, we're still mad at you for fighting Acronix alone!
  • Jay: Seriously, you're old and barely have powers, we're young and have SEVERAL powers...not...nearly as much as in season 1 for some reason, but its something!
  • Nya: And while we're questioning things, why can't I be Samurai X AND the water elemental? Hell, why do I have to be a ninja at all?
  • Wu: Uh, well you see-
  • Cole: And what idiotic strategy is fighting alone? There's literally over a DOZEN elemental masters in action, and you didn't call any of them, including us?
  • Skylor: Do I still have my powers or don't I? ITS CONFUSING!
  • Kai: Are we still a thing? Why haven't we pursued that?
  • Jay: What happened to my parents?
  • Kai: What happened to MY parents?
  • Moro: Why can't I come back as a ghost?
  • Garmadon: Why can't I come back period?
  • Misako: Why do the writers insist on acting like I'm in love with Wu, when it looks more like I'm his nursemaid?
  • Lloyd: How could I have even been born 10 years ago when logically my mom is just as old as you and couldn't logically bare a child?
  • Scales: Where the hell have I been?
  • Pythor: Why do I still think I can take over the world despite sucking so much?
  • Zane: If elemental powers are passed through bloodlines, how am I(a nindroid) an elemental?
  • Echo Zane: Does Zane still know I exist? Am I an elemental?
  • Pixal: Why can't Borg industries make me a new fucking body?
  • Borg: Why can't I make myself cybernetic legs like that chick in Arrow everybody hates for no good reason?
  • Master Chen: How is it I'm the most despicable and cunning villain so far, yet somehow look hilarious and stupid? Also vaguely racist.
  • Nadakhan: Hello?! THREE WISHES! SOMEBODY SAVE ME!
  • Kai: And those are just SOME of the many questions we have.
  • Wu: All good questions that I will *ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*
  • Kai: Friggin dammit, not again.
credit to @gaymormons on instagram
  • future child: Mom, why is my cousin named Rose?
  • me: because your aunt loved Roses very much
  • future child: What about me?
  • me: Enough questions, I came out to my parents when they discovered gay porn on my computer while I was at my friend Nicole's house choreographing a hip hop dance.
  • I was shocked because I thought they already knew but, I got a call when I was like mid shoulder brush, from my mother being like "where are you?" and I was like "I'm at Nicole's house" and she was like "you need to come home now" and I went home.
  • I can't believe i'm telling this story. Anyway. I went home after we finished the dance.
  • She drove me home in her infinity SUV and I walked into the house and It's pitch black, and I just see the like backlit shadow of my mother in the corner of the kitchen just like...
  • She brings me down and rather than having a nice "let's talk about this" she starts like bringing up, she starts like opening up all the websites and i don't know what to do and I'm like "ewww what is that? That's disgusting!"
  • Meanwhile I'm like yep Tuesday, yep Wednesday, Thursday i didn't do anything, and Friday.
  • And like my dad comes downstairs in his tighy-whiteys and is like "Bran, If it's yours just tell us".
  • Well hold on, hold on.
  • they found this like weird fax like a document nobody recognized and I was like
  • "well obviously someone hacked into our computer".
  • And they believed me.
How do you describe your parents?
  • Himawari: Papa and Mama are the best! Papa is a-
  • Boruto: *interrupts* BAKA! Who needs a stupid old man when you have a beautiful strong mama!
  • Hinata: Boruto! That's not nice to say about your father.
  • Naruto: Don't worry Hinata! It's fine..
  • Boruto: I hope the Ramen shop gets shut down.
  • Naruto: Take it back child!
  • _______________________________
  • Sarada: Mama is always there for me and whenever I'm ill, she lays beside me. Whereas, papa will protect no matter what!
  • Sakura: Aw that's nice to say.
  • Sasuke: I will protect here no matter what! Even from that little pikachu banana shaped head brat!
  • Sarada: That's not nice to say about Boruto... I mean....
  • Sasuke: Oh no...he has got into you. Don't worry, my child, I will erase those feelings and let you become free.
  • Sarada: Papa?!!! No, I don't have any feelings for Boruto.
  • Sasuke: Not even one bit?
  • Sarada: I....
  • Sasuke: *activates sharingan* I'm coming for you Uzumaki brat!
  • Sakura: Darling...calm down
  • _______________________________
  • Mitsuki: My mama...my papa......let's just say that I have a parent.
  • Orochimaru: *smiles* Im his parent.
  • Mitsuki: My parent has trained me and taken care of me and feeded me and...I'm not sure if I should my parent my mama or my papa....it's confusing...
  • Orochimaru: I'm just an amazing parent. *flicks his hair*
  • _______________________________
  • Shikadai: My dad is an hardworking man and he is always here for dinner.
  • Boruto: *interrupts*
  • UNLIKE MY FATHER!!!
  • Shikadai: Buzz off Boruto....
  • Boruto: *fades away*
  • Shikadai: anyways, my mother is......erm...
  • Temari: *gives a scary look to Shikadai*
  • Shikadai: is an amazing woman. I love her to bits. She is so strong with her wind fan. I love my mama...
  • Temari: Hmph *smiles*
  • Shikadai: What a drag.....
  • Temari: You just thought 'What a drag' didn't you, Shikadai?
  • Shikadai: How...do you.....know?
  • Temari: No dinner for you!
  • Shikadai: *cries inside*
  • ___________________________
  • Inojin: My mother is so beautiful and that's how I got these looks
  • Ino: Aw my cute child.
  • Inojin: Papa is so happy to see me all the time. We go shopping and training together.
  • Sai: That's right!
  • Inojin: ...and he always tells me his jokes about mama!
  • Ino: Jokes?! What kind of jokes?
  • Sai: ....
  • Inojin: *whispers to Ino*
  • Ino: *blushes* SAIIIIIIII!!!!!
  • Sai: I should run....
  • ___________________________
  • Chocho: Mama shows me how I am strong and beautiful in every way. My mama tells me that I'm not fat. It's just my curves and I love her home made food. Papa and me always get along. We go to restaurants and eat, we go to parks and eat. We even go to shopping eat. And buy most things from the shop! Even his card got declined!
  • Karui: Are you serious?
  • Choji: Hehe....
  • Chocho: I love them both!
  • ____________________________
  • Kiba's child: Mama is so nice to me. She will always be there to kiss me to sleep and wake me up in the morning. She makes nice breakfast and a warm hug. Me and mama are always studying and training together and my grades are doing very well and my strength
  • Tamaki: I'm glad you like it, my kitten.
  • Kiba's child: Papa is so fun! We go to the park and he lets me ride on Akamaru and we jump from cliff to cliff!
  • Tamaki: Wait, what?!
  • Kiba's child: There was even a time when me, Boruto and papa jumped from the Hokage's faces and we landed on soft bouncy mattress.
  • Tamaki: WHAT?! KIBA?!!!!
  • Kiba: ...gotta go *sprints away*
  • ________________________
  • Metal Lee: Papa and I are always training because we both do it for youth and mama makes me warm and happy. Even when I get nervous!
  • Lee: That's my boy!
  • Metal's Lee mother: My little cute dragon.
Okay, but imagine if...

Cedric Diggory hadn’t died.

Imagine, just for a moment, that when they take the portkey, instead of an Avada Kedavra, it’s a Stupefy that hits him. Or that the AK misses him by an inch, hits a grave instead, knocks him out for a second.

Imagine that everybody forgets about the Hufflepuff boy out cold on the floor, because they are so intent on resurrecting Voldemort. Peter forgets as he ties Harry to that statue. Voldemort forgets as he is dumped into a cauldron full of flesh and bone and blood. And every death eater that comes sooner or later, well, no one tells them about the boy either - there are more pressing concerns.

However, Harry doesn’t forget. Because Harry has been in that sort of situation since he was eleven. He’s used to looking out for others, by now. Hermione and the Troll, Ron on the chess game, Ginny in the Chamber, Sirius and Hagrid and even Buckbeak- Harry always looks out for everyone, and never forgets about anyone, even if they are not really his friends.

So while he stares in horror, while he’s powerless and sees his greatest foe come back to life, a tiny part of his mind is screaming at him to check on Cedric, to get them out of here. Both. Alive.

Now let’s say that the ceremony, and the Death Eater meeting after the resurrection takes time. Lots of it. Let’s say that Voldemort, being the drama queen he obviously is, takes his time, and enjoys every single second of attention he gets from his followers and that Potter brat.

Let’s say he takes enough time for Cedric to come back to consciousness.

He awakes, lying in the grass and dirt, surrounded by bits of stone, his head aching and confused. The cup is laying about, not too far from him, and he could take it to go back but- he’s a Hufflepuff. He’s loyal. He doesn’t forget either, and that’s why, even if he’s confused about why or how he’s here, he doesn’t take the cup and goes searching for Harry.

Now, the tournament is a vicious thing, isn’t it ? Who’s to say to poor confused Cedric that this is not one more, secret, task ?

So Cedric goes looking, wand in hand, ready to fight, because he’s a Hogwart champion - and really, a Graveyard ? That’s creepy. And because he’s on his guard, and he’s moving around silently, no one notices him creeping behind one of the graves. No one notices the Hufflepuff boy, his horrified expression, and his frantic gaze as he slowly understands that no, that wasn’t a task, and that wasn’t a dream either.

Maybe not even Harry, or maybe he does, but that’s not the important thing.

The important thing is that being in Hufflepuff doesn’t make you stupid at all. The important thing is that Cedric is a champion, and smart, and a quick thinker and a hard worker.

The important thing is that Cedric thinks fast, and casts an ‘Accio’ on the cup as he runs towards Harry while he duels Voldemort.

He breaks through the crowd of amazed and struck Death Eaters, catches Harry’s arm with one hand, and with Seeker reflexes, catches the cup with the other.

Cedric lives, and both Harry and him go back to Hogwarts, terrified, bloody, and flinching away from the sudden noise coming from the public. They both live, and thus no one notices that something is amiss immediately, no one sees their wild glances around - as if someone was still out to kill them. The public cheers, and sings the victory of both Hogwart’s champions, and they are suddenly hugged by their families - the Diggorys and Weasleys.

No one notices, and that’s why when the noise dies down, and someone casts a sonorus on them to ask them how they feel about that victory, everyone hears them say, in a still disbelieving and trembling voice.

“He’s back.”

Obviously, everyone is confused, but they start talking, a bit over each other really, but they are in shock - and they say he’s back, Voldemort’s back, and he took my blood, and we were in a graveyard, and I was knocked out, missed most of the ritual, but it was him, yeah, and there were Death Eaters, in a circle, torturing Harry, horrible, had to get away, he’s back, he’s back.

And that’s when the people notice their faces, the blood, Harry twitching fingers - cruciatus - and their wands still clenched in their fingers, as if ready to attack anyone on sight.

This time, though, Harry doesn’t get ushered away by fake-Moody - because Cedric still has a hand gripping his arm, and wont let go for the world. He tells Dumbledore, and their families, though, when the Headmaster asks them to talk “More calmly and clearly, please, young men” at the Infirmary. Barty Crouch Jr is still apprehended, and the real Moody discovered, and it puts their incredible tale in a new, horrific and real, light.

Imagine if Cedric Diggory lived.

Two witnesses of His return. One is Harry Potter, Hero and Saviour of the Wizarding world. The second is beloved Hufflepuff Prefect Cedric Diggory, Hogwarts Champion. Even if people didn’t believe the first, they would believe the second, and vice versa.

Obviously, the ministry doesn’t take it well, but Amos Diggory and the Weasleys, and Dumbledore make a move together. Susan Bones helps her fellow Hufflepuff by contacting her aunt. Together, they get memory evidence - and they even agree on submitting to truth serum.

Because if Harry alone couldn’t do it - or had no idea he could - Cedric is there, and his father works at the Ministry, and he’s a seventh year. He knows more, and he has people ready to help him - and if he asks them, to help Harry Potter.

Sure, the ministry would try to get all this under the rug, but they couldn’t. Because Weasleys, and Diggorys, and Dumbledore, and Bones, and even Longbottom and soon every name that has a contact in Hogwarts - except some of the Death Eaters - are pushing for the truth to get out, and with a bit of blackmail, Rita helps - and this time, the Daily Prophet can’t repress all of them.

Imagine if Cedric Diggory lived, and how the war would have turned.

Imagine just.

🎶🎶When You Collect Records🎶🎶
  • Hipster: *moves dusty old boxes out of the way* Whoa, an old record player. It looks like it's in working order too! *runs outside*
  • Hipster: Yo, dad!
  • Dad: What?
  • Hipster: We're getting rid of all of poppop's stuff, right?
  • Dad: There's something you want, isn't there?
  • Hipster: There's this old stereo record player in the attic.
  • Dad: What do you need a record player for?
  • Hipster: My record collection.
  • Dad: I didn't even know they still made those things. Can't you just listen to music on your phone?
  • Hipster: Dad, there's a big difference between listening to music digitally and on record.
  • Dad: Fine, I don't wanna get into it with you right now. You can take the record player. You just have to get someone else to take it to your place for you. My truck's full.
  • Hipster: Thanks dad! *smooches dad on the cheek*
  • *later at hipster's apartment*
  • Friend: So, like Patch Adams ends with Patch Adams half-naked in front of a ton of people. I don't know if it was meant to be funny or like a weird sex thing, but like the movie was just a deeply disturbing character study. I can't stop thinking about it.
  • Hipster: That sounds boring. *unlocks door to apartment* Ta-da! Here it is! My new record player!
  • Friend: New? Looks fucking old to me, dude.
  • Hipster: Well, it is old. That's the appeal. And we're going to listen to the new Sufjan record on it.
  • Friend: Is that actually how you say Sufjan? Apparently, I've been pronouncing it wrong this whole time.
  • Hipster: Well, you won't after this record. There's an entire track where he just says his name for four minutes. It's amazing. *plays records*
  • Record Player: *coughs* Hello. Hello! Where am I? Doctor? Hello! Why is it so dark...............................Can I breathe? I can't breath. Oh god, I'm not breathing! Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god! I.....................................
  • Hipster: Uh, that's not Sufjan.
  • Friend: It totally isn't. Is it some guest vocalist? I like the new direction he's going in. No instruments or singing, and long stretches of silence. Very experimental.
  • Hipster: *stops record player* I think maybe we should do something else for now.
  • Friend: Fucking lame! I wanted to listen to more Sufjan.
  • *days later at the record store*
  • Hipster: Yo, I think the Sufjan Stevens record I bought from here might be some kind of mispress.
  • Store Clerk: Really? It's a pretty major album. I doubt there'd just be a mispress like that.
  • Hipster: Yeah, but listen to it. It's not Sufjan at all. It's some girl talking.
  • *hipster and clerk listen to a completely normal Sufjan Stevens album together*
  • Store Clerk: What are you talking about? This is definitely Sufjan Stevens.
  • Hipster: Okay, but it wasn't like that when I listened to it at home! I even listened to it with my friend and he heard the same thing!
  • Store Clerk: Maybe there's something wrong with your record player.
  • Hipster: Hmm, maybe there is.
  • *back at the apartment*
  • Hipster: *turns on record player and just listens*
  • Record Player: ...I'm awake again. Why did I black out? Did I even black out? God, I'm not breathing, but it doesn't matter. Why don't I need to breathe? Am I even alive?
  • Hipster: Can you hear me?
  • Record Player: Doctor. Doctor! DOCTOR! Why can't I move? Why can't I feel anything. Keep yourself together. It'll all make sense soon. Calm down. Just breathe deeply. Fuck, I can't breathe! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I CAN'T BREATHE! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! HELP! HELP ME, PLEASE! I'M STUCK! I CAN'T MOVE! PLEASE HELP ME!
  • Hipster: *turns off record player* It's just a recording, I bet. I can't believe I talked to it like an idiot... *nervously turns record player back on*
  • Record Player: I blacked out again. I blacked out. For how long? Is there even time here? Hell. This is hell, right? Did I go to hell.........................................
  • Hipster: *listens to the record player for hours*
  • Record Player: Negative 6893 bottles of wine on the wall! Negative 6893 bottles of wine! Take one down, pass it around, Negative 6894 bottles of wine on the wall... fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
  • Hipster: *keeps listening*
  • Record Player: Soul of Christ, make me holy, Body of Christ, be my salvation. God, please forgive me. I'm sorry for all of my sins. Please free me. I'm so sorry. Please. Please. Please.
  • Hipster: *still listening*
  • Record Player: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! SHITTY DOCTOR! FUCK YOU! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! *sobs intensely* FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK EVERYTHING! Please just let me go.
  • Hipster: *nervously walks up to record player and lightly taps on it*
  • Record Player: ...A knock. A KNOCK! PLEASE HELP ME! I'M STUCK! PLEASE! *record player begins shake violently*
  • Hipster: *backs away in fear*
  • Record Player: HELP! HELP! HELP ME! PLEASE, IF SOMEONE'S THERE, HELP ME! HELP ME! I'M STUCK! GET ME OUT OF HERE, PLEASE!
  • Hipster: *unplugs record player*
  • Hipster: *gets hammer from the closet and begins to break apart record player*
  • Record Player: *drips red*
  • Hipster: W-What? *cracks front of record player open*
  • *rotting viscera falls from the record player*
  • Hipster: O-Oh... *stuffs viscera back into the record player and duct tapes over it*
  • Hipster: *turns record player back on*
  • Record Player: ...I can feel. It hurts. Why does it hurt now? Why does it hurt? Why? Why? Why? WHY!? WHY!? WHY!? *spurts blood through it speakers and begins to gurgle*
  • Record Player: *hops forward* Please just let me go. Please... please. I'll do anything. I just want to see you again. I'm so sorry. This isn't what I asked for. I'm so sorry. *hops forward again and comes unplugged*
  • Record Player: *tips over, bleeding heavily onto the carpet*
  • Hipster: *silently cleans up the mess*
  • *some time later*
  • Hipster: *calls dad* Hey, dad. Oh, nothing. Uh, I just need to borrow your truck, If not tonight sometime this week. I just need to get rid of something. No, no, that's fine, I can do it myself. Yeah, tomorrow morning is perfect. Thanks Love you too. Bye.
  • *the next afternoon*
  • Dad: So, what did you need to get rid of this morning?
  • Hipster: Nothing important. Just some old junk... Dad, what kind of person was poppop?
  • Dad: Well, he was only the greatest man I've known in my life. Really caring, dedicated to his family. When you were born he loved you so much. He was a bit of a loner, though. It took a lot to get him to open up. Even around me and your grandmother. He was a bit like you. Always a huge music lover.
  • Hipster: I see. Was he ever a doctor?
  • Dad: That's a weird thing to ask. Nope. He hated doctors. Didn't trust modern medicine one bit. It's ironic. His cancer probably wouldn't have gotten to him if he did. But, your poppop was always so stubborn.
  • Hipster: Oh, okay then.
  • *some days later*
  • Friend: New carpet?
  • Hipster: Yup, old one was ugly wasn't it. It was time for a change.
  • Friend: That's what I've been telling you! I'm glad you finally came to your senses. What happened to your record player, though?
  • Hipster: That thing? I threw it away. It was busted.
  • Friend: That sucks. Are you gonna buy a new one?
  • Hipster: No.
  • Friend: But you won't have anything to play your records on.
  • Hipster: Yeah, but I buy records because I want to support the artists. They're not really for listening. Besides, lossless is better. FLAC is the future.
Strict

Hello guys well i felt inspired so i wrote this haha, please let me know if you like it and feel free to request! Check out “Unstoppable”!

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Smut.

Length: 2k

One shot

Summary; “Chanyeol was known for being a very strict teacher”


“Okay students you can now leave” said your math teacher getting her things and leaving the classroom. 

“Hurry up y/n i don’t want to be late for Mr. Park’s class!” of course she wouldn’t want to be late, it was Mr. Park’s class he was known for his amazingly good looks but also known for being very strict, so basically he had all the girls swooning for him… including you, you immediately had a crush on him since the first day you saw him. 

“Okay, okay let’s go” You said putting the last book in your backpack and headed to the door with her.

When you arrived to Mr. Park’s classroom you saw that he was talking to your brother Baekhyun, he was also a teacher there but unlike Mr. Park that was new, your brother already had 5 years giving classes in school. 

You tried to walk fast past them but your brother was fast enough to notice “Where do you think you're going missy” Busted. You stopped at your tracks and turned around to look at him. 

You noticed that Mr. Park was also looking at you so that made you nervous since his gaze was always very strong, your cheeks reddened a bit. 

Baekhyun made you a motion to get close to them. “Are you just going to act like you didn't see me and not say hello?” he asked in disbelief. “Baekhyun i see you everyday at home” You answered crossing your arms over your chest making a ‘are you serious?’ type of look. 

“But i didn’t speak to my baby sister this morning, i went to see you but you were still sleeping” He pouted. “Do you know you drool in your sleep?” he asked while pulling your cheek lightly. You wouldn’t have minded what he said if you were alone but Mr. Park was listening to everything so it did make you flush in embarrassment. “Gosh Baekhyun that's one of the reasons i act like i don’t know you, you have no filter” You said putting one of your hands in your face. 

“Each day you get more rude” he said moving his head in disappointment way. You were about to retort but the bell rang signaling it was time to start class. Baekhyun said goodbye and got out of the classroom while you went to your seat.  

“Okay everybody i just want to see pencil and eraser in your table put everything else in your backpack and turn off cellphones”

You turned to look at your best friend in horror and whispered “Oh my gosh is the exam today?” she nodded her head. “I told you twice yesterday but you were just daydreaming y/n” she whispered back. 

You were doomed, you were already failing this subject and with this it was just worse. 

Mr. Park passed the exams to everyone and once finished he said “Okay you have the whole hour, good luck” he sat at his desk and started checking some exams from the other group. 

You stared at the paper intently searching for something you could answer but your mind was just blank, you looked at your best friend for help but she just shrugged.

50 minutes and your paper sheet was still white, there were only three students left in the classroom including you. You turned around to look if someone could help but they were concentrated in there exam then you turned your eyes to look at Mr. Park but he was already watching you. 

Your mouth opened a bit at the surprise and your cheeks started to feel hot so you fastly looked at your paper sheet again in embarrassment.

10 minutes and you were the only one left in the classroom, so you stood up decided to just give up and give him that blank paper sheet. 

“Why is the paper sheet blank Mrs. Byun?” he asked looking at the white paper and then raising his eyes to you.

You looked down to the floor and answer sincerely “I forgot to study and well i didn’t know anything” you sighed, he was your crush and you were just making a fool of yourself.

“Are you consent that your failing my class right?” you nodded your head in agreement “Mr. Park i really don’t want to fail this class can’t i do the exam again tomorrow please?” You asked looking at him with hope, you were pretty sure he would say no since he was known for being strict but he got you off guard when he said “I want to see you here tomorrow at 4 and don't be late” 

“Thank you so much Mr. Park i promise i’ll do my best!” you got your things from your table and left the classroom in a hurry.

Next day.

You arrived to the classroom at 3:55 and Mr. Park wasn’t there yet so you decided to write some notes in your leg just in case you forgot since you didn’t want to fail.

It was 4:05 when Mr. Park went inside the classroom “Sorry for the tardiness” said that he gave you your exam “Good luck”

You already where more than halfway from finishing the exam when you got to a question you didn’t know “What event took place on July 10th 1951 that started a two year long process to peace?” suddenly you remembered you wrote it on your leg so you raised you head to look at Mr. Park but he looked very busy writing down notes, so you decided to lift your skirt a bit to look at the answer.

“What are you doing Mrs. Byun?” Shit. You hurriedly fixed your skirt and tried to look normal “Nothing Mr. Park” you smiled nervously. 

“Come over here” You hesitated to get up but you saw how serious he was so you gave up and went towards him.

“I want you to lift your skirt up” Your eyes widened in surprise. “N-no i’m not going to do that” you stuttered a bit. 

“Fine” He pulled you with force towards him making you sit in his lap, he put his hand on your leg and raised your skirt, showing him the notes you had made. You looked at him in shock it was too much to register since it happened so fast. “I-i can explain” he looked at you smirking.

“I give you the chance to redo the exam and you just do this…bad girl” one of his hand grabbed your face making you turn to look at him. 

“I think you need a punishment” he said whispering to your ear. Your eyes widened and you gasped, that’s when he took the perfect opportunity to connect your lips together.

You where shocked, you never expected him to do this you had daydreamed of this a lot of times before but you never thought it would actually happen in real life. 

You started to move your lips in sync with his, the kiss was rough and passionate, his hands started to wonder around your body stopping at one of your breast while you started to unbutton his shirt but he stopped you. “I never ordered you to unbutton my shirt baby” you put your hands down to your lap and nodded. 

He chuckled and then his lips went towards your neck starting to give you light kisses to finally suck on your sweet spot leaving a big hickey. “I don’t want you to cover that okay?” A slight moan escaped your lips and he smiled at your action and then kept sucking, you took a grab at his hair and pulled lightly moaning “Mr. Park, t-this is wrong” 

“If this is wrong…” his hand moved your underwear to the side and started to touch your clit “then why are you so wet?” 

You were going to answer but a loud moan left your mouth when he inserted two fingers in your core and started to move them in and out fastly.

“Do you like this baby?” he asked looking at you expression of pleasure “Ye-yes please keep going” you took the opportunity to unbutton your shirt and toss it to the side leaving you in your bra, starting to touch your breasts. “Faster!” You moaned

He obeyed and went faster adding a third finger, making you scream in pleasure. “Look how i have you with just my fingers, imagine if it was my dick, love”  your core got tight at his words making you feel close to orgasm. 

You were so close to letting go when he abruptly took his fingers out of you. You turned around to give him a mad look but you saw him licking his fingers clean that making your core feel wet again. 

“Take all your clothes off” he ordered. You opened you mouth to retort that he was still fully clothed but he cut you off by saying “If you’re not going to use your pretty mouth to suck me off then i don’t want to hear you say a thing” You closed your mouth and just stared at him, you knew he had a strict personality but wow this was different. 

You started to take your clothes one by one while he just stared at you with lust. When you finished he said “Bend on the desk” you nodded your head and bent on the desk clearly showing him your most private part. 

You felt nervous since you didn’t know what he would do but the thought was replaced when you felt his wet muscle on your clit and a moan escaped from your mouth “Oh my god” you said while taking a hold at the sides of the desk. 

His tongue moved expertly in your clit making you clench your back in pleasure, you could actually say that you felt in heaven Mr. Park definitely knew what he was doing. 

You turned your head to the side and looked back at him seeing that he had already took his dick out and was jacking himself off, this action made your walls clench it was very hot sight to see especially since he had a very big size.

“AH!” You shouted finally having your first orgasm letting your juices out.

“You taste nice” he said standing on feet, you were going to turn around to get your clothes but he held you back in your place against the desk. “I never said we were over love” he started to undress and when finished he placed his dick at your entrance rubbing it up and down your core softly. “Are you virgin?” he asked in curiosity. 

“No, i’m not” said that he plunged hard inside you making you let out a long moan. 

He started to go fastly in and out inside you not letting you adjust to his size, making you a moaning mess “You're so tight baby” he said while giving your ass a light slap, he then pushed deeper and that’s when he found your g-spot “Yes Mr. Park there!” you screamed, you just felt in ecstasy.

“Call me Chanyeol” he said to your ear moaning and hit your spot harder making you scream in pleasure. 

“Faster Chanyeol!” you felt your second orgasm starting to build up fast and and he felt it too since your walls started to clench around his dick.

“I’m close chanyeol, don't stop” one of his hands went to your clit and started to rubbing it fast. 

“Yes, yes!” You shouted in pleasure letting your orgasm free, he then fastly pulled out of you and let hit seeds spill in your back letting a loud moan from his mouth. 

He pulled out of you and let himself sit in the ground in exhaustion, you lifted yourself off the desk and followed him to sit beside him. 

He turned his head to look at you and you smiled at him, surprisingly he smiled back making you lose your breath for a second at the sight of this beautiful man.

“So… is it true that you drool in your sleep?” he laughed.

“Stupid Baekhyun”

Aubrey tells Beca about Chloe's toner:
  • [BECA is walking out of an elevator and makes her way down the hallway. Her phone begins ringing and she frowns at the caller I.D. before answering]
  • BECA: Aubrey?
  • AUBREY: Hi Beca. How's L.A.?
  • BECA: Um yeah...good...thanks...?
  • *pause*
  • BECA: So...this is a surprise. I mean, you don't often call me. In fact, you've NEVER called me. Ever. And it's, what *pulls phone from ear to quickly check the time*...3am where you are? Is everything ok?
  • AUBREY: *sighs* No, not really. I called about Chloe.
  • [BECA gets to her hotel room and stops, unlocking the door]
  • BECA: Why, has something happened to her? Is she okay?
  • [BECA steps into her hotel room, closing the door behind her]
  • AUBREY: No, Beca, she's not.
  • [BECA freezes]
  • BECA: Oh my god. What happened?!
  • AUBREY: You did.
  • BECA: What?
  • AUBREY: You happened. Chloe was perfectly fine until you happened.
  • [BECA swallows loudly as she walks over to her hotel bed and sits on the end of it heavily]
  • AUBREY: I've known Chloe for ten years. I'd never seen her look at anyone else the way she looked at you. The way she STILL looks at you.
  • BECA: I don't-
  • AUBREY: *sighs* -Beca, I know you and I haven't always seen eye-to-eye. But there IS one thing that's important to both of us and that's Chloe's happiness, right?
  • BECA: Um...yeah.
  • AUBREY: So why is it since you left I've been having to take care of a mopey Chloe?
  • BECA: Um...
  • AUBREY: She barely eats, barely talks, NEVER laughs...
  • BECA: Aubrey, I-
  • AUBREY: ...it's been three days and you've barely texted her!
  • BECA: Woah Aubrey, I asked her if she was alright with me going and she said yes!
  • AUBREY: Oh WAKE UP Beca!! She never wanted you to leave but she told you you should because she wanted to support you!
  • *pause as AUBREY catches her breath*
  • AUBREY: *sighs* Beca, I promised Chloe I wouldn't tell you this but I can't bear to see her unhappy anymore so...
  • *BECA strains her ears, desperate to know what AUBREY will say*
  • AUBREY: ...Chloe broke up with Chicago before you left.
  • BECA: What? Why didn't she say anything?!
  • AUBREY: Because she believed that this LA thing was your big break. She didn't want to risk telling you and for you to decide not to go and miss out on your dream.
  • BECA: Oh...
  • AUBREY: I just thought you should know because *sighs* Beca I'm not an idiot. I've seen the way you've looked at her during this tour. When she's been with Chicago? That's not the look you give your friend when you dislike the guy she's seeing. BELIEVE me I know, I never liked Chicago either. But not because I was jealous of him.
  • [BECA brings a hand to her face and pinches the bridge of her nose, closing her eyes as she tries to process what has just been said]
  • AUBREY: Beca this is your life. I'm not going to tell you what to do or how to live it. Just...remember what's important okay?
  • [AUBREY hangs up and BECA places her phone on the bed, looking down at her feet.]
  • ---------------
  • [14 hours later. AUBREY is in her hotel room gathering final strands of her hair to place in an already established 'up-do'. There is a rumble of thunder and heavy rain sounding from outside the window. AUBREY hears a fast knock on the door. She opens the door to see BECA stood on the other side, soaked from the rain, clearly cold, gasping to catch her breath.]
  • AUBREY: Beca wha-
  • BECA: -Where's Chloe?
  • AUBREY: She's gone down to the dressing rooms alrea- hey, wait!
  • [BECA has already begun running off and AUBREY watches as BECA dashes down the hall and through a door that leads to the stairwell.]
  • ---------------
  • [CHLOE stands in front of a long mirror in the dressing room that is situated at the side of the stage where they will be performing their final show of the tour, smoothing down the front of her black dress with her left hand, then glances at her phone in her right. She sighs as she sees she has no message from BECA.
  • FAT AMY clears her throat beside her and CHLOE furrows her brow, looking to her right at FAT AMY and CYNTHIA-ROSE. She sees them nod to the mirror, their eyebrows raised expectantly, presumably to make her look in it's reflection.
  • CHLOE looks back at the mirror and sees in it's reflection BECA stood in the doorway, soaked and breathless. CHLOE turns on the spot and is clearly speechless.]
  • CYNTHIA-ROSE: Um...me and Fat Amy have somewhere we need to be.
  • FAT AMY: We do?
  • [FAT AMY sees CYNTHIA-ROSE's facial expression and clocks on]
  • FAT AMY: Oh RIGHT. Yeah. Let's...go to that place...that we have to go to.
  • [FAT AMY and CYNTHIA-ROSE make their way out of the dressing room, grinning at BECA who gives them both an awkward polite smile before they close the door behind them.
  • BECA begins to slowly walk towards CHLOE who is clearly nervous and surprised.]
  • BECA: So...you broke up with Chicago?
  • CHLOE: Uh...yeah...who-?
  • BECA: Aubrey called me.
  • CHLOE: I told her not to say anythi-
  • BECA: I know. But I'm pleased that she did.
  • [BECA pauses a couple of yards from CHLOE, not bothered that she is still soaked from head to toe.]
  • CHLOE: Your job-?
  • BECA: -Doesn't matter. None of it matters. LA. My dream. None of it. Not really.
  • [BECA slowly takes a few steps forward so she is now mere inches from CHLOE]
  • BECA: But you...
  • [BECA and CHLOE hold eye contact, but it isn't weird. They have looked at each other this intensely before. In that shower cubical at Barden six years ago when they sang 'Titanium' together.]
  • BECA: ...Chloe you matter. You REALLY matter to me.
  • [Tears appear in CHLOE's eyes]
  • BECA: On the flight over here I realised I could live my life just fine without ever becoming a Music Producer. But my life wouldn't be worth living if I didn't have you in it. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner-
  • [BECA's sentence is interrupted as CHLOE brings her hands to BECA's face and pulls her into a deep kiss. BECA immediately wraps her arms around CHLOE's waist pulling her tighter to her. Their faces rock gently from side to side as they intensify the kiss, inhaling deeply. Before long CHLOE opens her mouth wider, inviting BECA's tongue into her mouth which takes CHLOE by surprise and elicits a small squeak from the redhead when BECA begins rolling her tongue with hers. They mutually, reluctantly, break the kiss, grinning. CHLOE bites her bottom lip. BECA keeps her hands in CHLOE's hips.]
  • CHLOE: I...don't know what to say.
  • BECA: Have I mastered the impossible and made the great Chloe Beale speechless?
  • [CHLOE lets out a small giggle then her face turns serious as her blue eyes inspect BECA's face nervously.]
  • CHLOE: I don't want to say how I'm feeling in case I freak you out.
  • BECA: Chloe...?
  • [BECA smiles softly, leans her face closer to CHLOE's face, and keeps CHLOE's eye contact with her own eyes.]
  • BECA: *whispers* I love you.
  • [A smile spreads on CHLOE's face as she takes a deep breath]
  • CHLOE: *whispers* I love you too.
  • [BECA and CHLOE kiss again, this time gently.]
  • FAT AMY: *outside the closed door* Can we come in yet?
  • [BECA and CHLOE part their lips, holding each other's hands as they lean their foreheads against each other. BECA closes her eyes clearly frustrated with FAT AMY's timing.]
  • FAT AMY: *outside the closed door* It's just...Aubrey's out here and really wants us to finish getting ready - OW!!
  • [BECA and CHLOE pull their faces apart. CHLOE giggles quietly as BECA rolls her eyes at FAT AMY getting into trouble with AUBREY.]
  • FAT AMY: Okay FINE, Aubrey says take as long as you need - OW!!
  • *pause*
  • FAT AMY: Look, can we just come in before I get battered again? - OW!! Aubrey what now?!
  • [BECA looks to CHLOE apologetically and CHLOE gives her a wink with a sweet smile. BECA quickly leans back to CHLOE and places a brief kiss on her lips before turning her head to the door of the dressing room.]
  • BECA: Alright Amy, you can come in.
  • [The door of the dressing room swings open and FAT AMY, AUBREY, and CYNTHIA-ROSE stand in the doorway with expectant looks on their faces, the rest of THE BELLA's stood behind them with similar expressions. They all squeal in excitement at the sight of BECA and CHLOE grinning whilst holding hands and everyone outside the door tumble into the dressing room to congratulate BECA and CHLOE.]
  • Steph: Tim and Kon, sittin in a tree.
  • Dick: K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
  • Kon: for the last time, Tim and I have never made out!
  • Tim: It was just mouth-to-mouth!
  • Steph: wait
  • Tim: oops
  • Dick: are you saying that you have put your mouth on Kon's?
  • Damian: don't be vulgar, Grayson
  • Tim: yeah, okay, Kon SAVING MY LIFE is not making out
  • Cass: awww, you save each other!
  • Kon: we're teammates. it's what we do.
  • Cassie: he never gave ME mouth-to-mouth....
  • Kon: you never needed it!
  • Duke: how do you....even know mouth-to-mouth?
  • Kon: all heroes should know it!
  • Kara: yeah okay but who taught you?
  • Kon: I learned in the Teen Titans
  • Cassie: Teen Titans never taught me....just saying...
  • Kon: stop being gross!
  • Dick: Are you saying that being gay is gross, because if so, I am very disappointed in you--
  • Kon: THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID
  • Jason: 's what it sounded like
  • Tim: Kon calling people who are gay gross would be hypocritical
  • Steph: and why is that, Timbo?
  • Tim: uh
  • Kon: I'm bi, okay?????
  • Kara: interesting. And how does Tim know this?
  • Tim: we're friends. We talk.
  • Steph: let me guess. It's 3 am, neither of you can sleep, Kon creeps into Tim's room--
  • Kara: Kon sits on the end of Tim's bed, they stare into each other's eyes--
  • Cassie: Kon says, softly, staring at the moonlight lighting up Tim's face--
  • Duke: "I'm bi, Tim."
  • Dick: "Bi....for YOU."
  • Tim: THAT NEVER HAPPENED
  • Steph: sureeeeeeee it didn't
  • Donna: that's how Dick came out as pan to me
  • Dick: sort of. I mean, I didn't say I was pan for her, but there was the moonlight, and the beds, and the 3 am part--
  • Damian: that never happened, Grayson
  • Donna: oh yeah it did, punk
  • Jon: I wish I had a friend I was that close to
  • Kara: why, Jonno? you got something to tell us?
  • Jon: No! I just wish I had a good friend...
  • Steph: Damian, you're such a terrible person, look at his little face
  • Damian: how is this about me, now? I thought we were talking about Drake and the clone!
  • Cass: we can talk about both
  • Jon: no, no, it's not Damian's fault--
  • Jason: that he's a little punk? yeah, it is
  • Damian: can we please go back to talking about Drake and the clone's mating habits?
  • Tim: JAY HOW DID YOU COME OUT AS BI?
  • Jason: walked up to the guy, made out with him, and said "hey, Roy, I'm bi" and he said, "That's funny, your pants were saying--"
  • Kara: OKAY JASON THERE ARE SMALL EARS HERE
  • Damian: Danvers is right, nobody wants to hear about you and Harper's disgusting habits
  • Steph: right, let's talk about CASS and Harper's disgusting habits!
  • Cass: Harper Row is the most beautiful girl to ever exist.
  • Steph, Tim, Kara, Dick: awwwwwwww
  • Duke: this doesn't mean you're off the hook, Timberly
  • Tim: suRE IT DOES!!!
  • Cass: no, I'm pretty sure we never learned where Kon learned CPR
  • Kon: Tim taught me, okay????????????????
  • Dick: I KNEW IT!!!
  • Steph: did you make out??
  • Kara: was it romantic??
  • Tim: NO!! We used a dummy, just like how we learned it with Batman!
  • Cass: oh
  • Donna: boring
  • Cassie: I expected more from you
  • Barbara: If it helps, I found footage of them on a rooftop last week....
  • Tim: NO NO NO
  • Kon: THAT NEVER HAPPENED
  • Steph: BABS MY HERO LET ME SEE
  • Tim: NOOOOOOOO
  • [everything descends into chaos]
  • Bruce: You asked why we never have family get-togethers, Clark. This. This is why.
  • Clark: I'll admit I wasn't, uh, expecting that. At all.
  • Diana, eating popcorn: I was!