my boyfriend says he can't trust me because i slept with another, much older guy the day before we had agreed to meet up (we weren't together, but he was in love w me, i just didnt know that) and whenever we fight he calls me pathetic and slutty and stupid. i get that he's mad. it was a stupid decision of mine and i regret it. but im starting to think this relationship isnt healthy anymore. i just needed to tell someone because i love him and i dont know what to do
in general if the person you’re with ever insults you in an argument, you’re not in a healthy relationship. yes, we all say things that we regret. but him pulling up the past (which you have no control over, it happened) is actually something abusive people do to keep their victims in check - past failures are constantly rehashed because it gives the abuser a morally superior position - “yeah, i hurt you, but you did something worse!” - and it’s hard to get out of these situations. but at the end of the day you need to realize that love is not possession. him saying “i loved you and you hurt me” might be valid if it wasn’t an attack, but he’s using his love to imply that you were always his, by virtue just of his feelings! you didn’t give him consent, you weren’t even aware of the situation, yet he demands some form of payment for that love?
listen to me. this isn’t something that’s going to get better. possessiveness and lashing out only get worse. soon he will be asking why you spend so much time with your friends, or why your family needs to see you. he’ll isolate you, and the insults will only get worse. it can lead to violence if you react in kind.
i know you might love him, but think to yourself: do you want to spend your life with someone who calls someone they “love” a slut? do you want to spend your life like this? you don’t deserve to ever be insulted by a partner, but particularly if it’s about something in your past. abusers don’t just break up with their victims. they trap them and break them.
this guy is bad news. i think you know that or else you wouldn’t have said anything to me. but you’re using this as a way to have someone to tell you to get out, right? get out. get out now, get out fast, and when you’re safe, stay the hell away from him. tell someone close to you so they keep you out.
i don’t know if a voice on the internet means anything to you. but your love is worth more than someone who insults you. and love is never worth feeling worthless. it might hurt for a bit, but chances are? when you’re out, and stuff is cooling down? you’ll probably be relieved more than sad. i believe in you. break up with him and take your life back and if anyone else ever calls you a slut for your sexual history, you have my permission to slap them.