if you beat off to this i will know

I don’t know how this happened, to be honest. I saw JCap and a car, and my mind went off with it. Thanks for all of the support, though. <3

Robbins Automotive (Part I)

“It looks amazing,” Callie said, walking around to inspect the now pristine rear bumper of her 1957 Ford Thunderbird. “How did you find the color? Didn’t they discontinue it ages ago?”

The tall, well-muscled mechanic with a military crewcut and sparkling blue eyes shrugged. “It beats me. I wasn’t the mechanic on this job.”

“Oh, well then can you bring him out so I thank him?” Callie asked. “I’d really appreciate that,” she craned her neck to read the nametag on the man’s shirt, “Tim.” She flashed her most dazzling smile.

Tim turned away and cupped his hands around his mouth, so he could be heard through the expansive garage. “Hey, sis!”

A few seconds later, a captivating woman in a white tank top and tight blue jeans made her way over. Callie couldn’t help but watch her blonde curls bounce with the woman’s every step. She couldn’t be the mechanic, could she? Callie had never seen a mechanic look like that.

Keep reading

Lena explains Widowmaker to Emily

Emily: So… she’s part spider?

Lena: No, no, she’s not any spider. She’s zero percent spider.

Emily: But she has eight eyes?

Lena: That’s a hat. I think it’s a hat? I don’t think it’s a robot part. I think it’s a hat.

Emily: Then why’s her skin blue?

Lena: It’s a mind control thing.

Emily: She does mind control?

Lena: She’s being mind controlled.

Emily: And that makes her skin blue?

Lena: Her skin’s blue because her heart doesn’t beat.

Emily: They mind controlled her to turn off her heart? Shouldn’t that kill her?

Lena: I don’t know how this works. I didn’t mind control her.

Emily: Fair enough. But that doesn’t explain why you always fight her.

Lena: It’s ‘cause we’re opposites.

Emily: Time travel is not the opposite of spiders.

Lena: No, wait, no – it’s 'cause, I’m fun and vivacious and full of zest, but she’s cold, calculating, and heartless.

Emily: AaaaaaAAAAAAaah! Her heart doesn’t beat.

Lena: Now you’re catching on.

Emily: …

Emily: Did you decide to do this or did Winston suggest it or… what? Who decides this kind of thing?

Lena: I dunno. It just happened naturally?

Emily: …

Emily: Lena, please don’t kiss the spider.

Lena: I’m not gonna kiss-

Emily: You’re gonna think it’s funny, 'cause she’s a spider robot or whatever, and then she’s gonna kiss you back. Please, please don’t kiss the spider.

Lena: …

Lena: Well, damnit, I wasn’t thinking it before.

Emily: Hey, Lena, is Spiderbitch more like the Green Goblin to your Spiderman or the Lex Luthor to your Superman?


Emily: Do you think she’d be sexier if she was half spider?

Lena: Oh gaaaawd, Emily, go to bed.

Emily: Do you think I’d be sexier if I was half spider?

Lena: uuuuggggghhh

Emily: Do you want me to buy a spider costume?

Lena: (covers her head with a pillow) uuuuuuaaauuuUUUUUaaauggggggghhhh

Lena: Aw, poor thing, up all night writing.

(Lena drapes a blanket over Emily, who’s asleep at her desk.)

Lena: What’s this you’ve been so caught up in anyway?

Lena: …

Lena: ’…Widowmaker handcuffed Tracer’s hands behind the ladder before she let her fingers-’

(Lena takes the blanket off Emily and drops it over the computer)

This [year] has been the first time I’ve ever actually had time to fall in love, properly… The catalyst of taking a year off was also the fact that-my partner-she quit her job, in New York, which she’s now got back in London. We were just basically like ‘let’s both quit our jobs and let’s have a year of forming a tight bond and a relationship’. So we went travelling and spent every day, for a year, together. You really know whether you’re going to be with someone when your in a country that’s kind of intense. And you’re using bottles of water to shower each other, and there’s not really much food-you really feel you’re meant to be with someone at points like that… We’re very, very strong. I’ve never been happier, I’ve never been more comfortable, I’ve never been more inspired. I just feel like everything’s fallen into place because I’ve given it the time to fall into place.
—  Ed Sheeran Interview with Zane Lowe Beats 1

every westallen scene ever (120/?)

I need a fic where Supergirl and Livewire exchange hate mail regularly…

Kara randomly just receives a postcard from hawaii or new zealand or france saying: Saw you get beat up on the news… your form is off… coming for ya blondie…

Livewire always hangs around long enough to get return mail, usually on the back of a gaudy greeting card that Kara found in some back alley gift shop, filled with a really bad pun and a quip about Supergirl being in top shape…

Then once a year, they meet up… beat the absolute crap out of each other, then part ways…

2 weeks later, Kara receives another postcard from Tahiti… bet you wish you were here instead of in a hospital bed… that was a nasty fall you took… shame you’re bulletproof…

MBTI types based on people I actually know

I got this idea off @entjheda and decided to do it based on the people I know!


  • You complete me <3
  • Literally we have reverse functions so you need me too HAHA
  • Will cry if made fun of. May not do it in public. But will come home and cry for hours
  • Appreciates other people’s weirdness and accepts them for who they are
  • My lil bbys essentially


  • Stop Trying To Beat Me In Sass
  • might be more funny than me what huh who said that
  • Likes to be the Dad Friend
  • Is not always the Dad Friend
  • Pair them with an INTJ I dare I double dare you
  • Up for literally any form of entertainment ever


  • Mom Friend x 100000
  • Somehow always knows what to say to make you feel better
  • Probably uses witchcraft to do this
  • Very very very very very very emotional
  • But bounces back after a hella long time of Coping


  • Gets offended easily
  • “What do you mean you don’t adhere to the social norms”
  • Worries a lot
  • Just wants harmony and peace 
  • Kind of annoying because Fi v Fe but tries to improve always


  • gets stressed out when you don’t adhere to the rules
  • Is actually pretty chill (as long as you keep to the rules)
  • Cares so much when you are upset. Will hug you when you are upset.
  • I wish I appreciated you more when you were around tbh


  • Ne. That’s all I’m going to say.
  • Could be the Dad Friend. Gets yelled at when they try to Dad Friend me though.
  • Responsibilities™
  • Will never leave you on your own drunk and dying in a club (but will make fun of you the morning after)


  • Problematic Fave
  • Very Problematic Fave
  • Likes the same weird nerdy obscure shit but hides it under layers of Social Skills Inferior Fe
  • Gets embarrassed very easily
  • Is fun to embarrass very easily
  • Pretends not to care but cares a lot 


  • Urgh
  • Why are they so attractive
  • And make you feel so special inside
  • But turns out they are Openly Fuckboiz
  • You knew this all along but you still went for it 
  • Pair with an ENTJ and you get a fun spontaneous bromance 


  • I’ve met a wide range of INTPs going from extremely stubborn fascist to a good very smart no-nonsense friend
  • Great to live with because they are so quiet 
  • Not even sure if they exist properly because so quiet
  • So nerdy but so unashamed


  • Absolute partner in crime. 
  • Has the sass and the wit, lacks the planning of anything
  • Strong Independent Woman 
  • Snapchat game is almost better than mine 
  • Needs a lot of introvert time though but its ok they’ll be back


  • You guys are deep
  • And you spend a lot of time in your room contemplating the univerise
  • Which is great because we reach the same conclusions except I do it through experiencing the world
  • they’re very loyal when they like you
  • and you definitely know when they Do Not


  • I’ve actually never met another one of me 
  • Which is very weird
  • No wait I do have this one female friend
  • Alpha Female ™
  • Very hardworking and studious and smart but will have minor breakdowns if things don’t go according to plan
  • Will Peer Review you 
  • Without you asking


  • emo
  • so emo
  • “I can’t hang out today I feel like you deserve so much better friend than me and am contemplating the universe”
  • Very thoughtful and will remember things you said you liked from 3 months ago
  • Will also get you to somehow spill your deepest darkest thoughts 
  • And then disappear into the night because emo


  • ???????
  • where do you find these
  • seriously I know NO ONE of this type
  • I imagine you’re kinda like Zooey Deschanel
  • In which case pls don’t Manic Pixie Girl around me 


  • Best Friend ™ and Cinnamon Roll ™ 
  • Really really nervous socially
  • But gives A+ emotional advice
  • Very loyal, but wobbles a bit
  • Needs you to protect them at all times
  • Likes romantic comedies


  • Other Best Friend ™ and Cinnamon Roll ™
  • Protect them, they’re naive and oblivious - I’m just going to copy this from someone else because it’s TRUE
  • Literally will overlook anything if you are nice to them once
  • Will be a puddle of tears inside if there is conflict
  • Just wants to be loved 
  • Is loved ferociously

So one of the things that cracks me up about Leverage is that Eliot is, as far as I can tell, good at everything. Like they’re like, “Okay Eliot, you have to handle X” and he’s like “[sigh] FINE” and then he owns it.

Thus far just off the top of my head he has been:

  • a gourmet chef
  • a star baseball player (when he DOESN’T EVEN LIKE BASEBALL)
  • a hit country singer/guitar player
  • knows a ton of languages
  • has a lot of weirdly specific trivial knowledge that reliably comes in useful
  • I’m sure in some future episode he will turn out to know how to race cars or breed shih tzus or something (I am only partway into season 3)

(even apart from his skill with beating people up and related hitter talents, which I am not counting because that is the premise of his character)

Plus also he is apparently irresistible to women, a trope that I normally find obnoxious but that I cannot really argue with in this case because I would find him sort of hard to resist. (Hardison is far, far more my type, but Eliot is hot. Also I have a weakness for men with long hair. Well, anybody with long hair really but especially men. I should put ‘having your hair look silky and glossy even after you’ve beaten up fifteen people’ on the list of skills above, I think. I would like to know what conditioner he uses.)

…And all this ought to make his character insufferable. And yet he isn’t. Because he is hands-down the most put-upon member of the team. He may technically be the hitter, but he’s also the one where people are like, “Eliot. You have a bag of jelly beans. Use that to convince them that you are an orca trainer and should be permitted in the tank with the angry Shamu” or “Eliot, we need you to pretend to be an Olympic snowboarder, you have ten minutes to find a snowboard, GO.” 

And then afterwards he puts his head down on the table and moans quietly to himself while getting surprisingly little respect for being able to yank expert cooking/singing/baseball/whatever skills out of his ass.

Oh, Eliot. This is why I want to give you five hundred hugs. 

(This is inspired by having just watched the episode where Eliot has to masquerade as a country music star and gets a fan club in like fifteen minutes. Mr Badger and I had this conversation:

Me: I have figured out who Eliot is.

Mr Badger: Who?

Me: Barbie.

Mr Badger: Elucidate?

Me: He is good at everything, apparently. And Barbie was, what, a doctor, a lawyer, a presidential candidate, an astronaut, a veterinarian–

Mr Badger: –and got shockingly little respect for it.

Me: And had beautiful hair.)

You guys. You guys.

Go see Hidden Figures. If you can afford it, go twice. I laughed, I cried, my heart grew three sizes, my crops were watered, my pores cleared. It is FLAWLESS. 

FLAWLESS. Just… women being amazing, and funny, and strong, and clever, and being allowed to be angry and having their anger listened to and validated, and having such important connections and friendships with other women and and and

And the scene where one of the main characters, a black woman, runs into a room full of her middle aged white male colleagues and excitedly says, “I got a court date!!” and there’s a beat of silence and they start applauding for her

and every scene where someone stood up for someone else or for themselves, where someone (either on or off camera) said “no, you know what, i’m going to do something about this, right now, today

Because we all get there together or we don’t get there at all. The thesis statement of the whole film.

Brothers and a Bard part 1

Two Dragonborns, a Fighter and a Monk, who is long lost brothers and believed the other was dead. The third is a Tiefling Bard, who everyone thinks is an Elf.

An obviously wealthy half-Elf employed the Fighter and the Bard to bring him a certain someone alive, and gave them magic rings that fit their hands and they couldn’t take off.

OOC Bard: It’s the One Ring!

OOC Fighter: Yeah, we both got a One Ring.


Monk: *notices that we have matching rings* Why are you wearing those rings?

Fighter: *without a beat* We are married.

Monk: *surprised noises*

Fighter: It was a marriage of convenience.

Bard: Y-yes… married… *snickering*

Monk: I didn’t know, brother, that you liked… women of different races…


Monk: I’m sorry, but it’s pretty obvious who’s the girl in the relationship…

After completing the job

*employer takes off rings*

Monk: *sarcastically* I see your marriage didn’t last long…

Fighter: Yes, as I said it was a marriage of convenience, the convenience being money.

  • Garrus: Shepard. So I guess this is--
  • Shepard: Just like old times?
  • Garrus: Hm. Might be the last chance we get to say that.
  • Shepard: Think we're going to lose?
  • Garrus: No. I think we're about to kick the reapers back into whatever black hole they crawled out of. Then, we're going to retire somewhere warm and tropical and live off the royalties from the vids. Maybe even find out what a Turian-Human baby looks like.
  • Shepard: I'm game. Though I think adoption's a better idea--biology may not cooperate.
  • Garrus: Hmm... I suppose there will be a lot of little Krogan around soon.
  • Shepard: We just have to beat the reapers first.
  • Garrus: James told me there's an old saying here on Earth. 'May you be in Heaven half an hour before the Devil knows you're dead.' Not sure if Turian heaven is the same as yours, but if this thing goes sideways and we both end up there, meet me at the bar. I'm buying.
  • Shepard: We're a team, Garrus. There's no Shepard without Vakarian. So you better remember to duck.
  • Garrus: Sorry, Turians don't know how. But I'll improvise. And Shepard... forgive the insubordination, but your boyfriend has an order for you...
  • Garrus: Come back alive. It'd be an awfully empty galaxy without you.
Straight White Boy Problem #982

Was chilling in Kyles room last night with 12 other dudes (dave, TJ, chris, matt, hayden, peter, kevin, Mike, alex, mark, Jesse and Kyle) and we were drinking beers and watching American Pie you know just being dudes. then peter got a little too drunk and started asking people if they were “Team Tissues” or “Team Washcloth” and the discussion got really heated and I learned too much about my friends mastubatory habits and Kyle said he beats off in the shower and we are like dammit kyle we use that shower too FUCK

For all those new ToppKlass out there who just wanna know the basic outlines of Topp Dogg… Enjoy~ (tag urselves I’m P-Goon)

Control freak but means well
Will not let you beat up his friends bc he wants to do it himself

Jenissi (former)-
Never sleeps
Lives on coffee
Old af
Kinda drunk
SoundCloud enthusiast
His dog hates him
Hot af
Won’t take his shirt off
Wants to be a chef but can’t cook noodles
Once made a banana pasta
Called it Brnrnr prstr

Can do the Robot
Prettier than you
Best dressed
Better than you

A legit camel (Nakta means camel in Korean)
Real name is Yooncheol
Loves frogs
Really awkward
Probably has killed a man

Gohn (former)-
Voice of an angel
Bruno Mars
Large hands
Loud af but also awkward af
Low key made out with Yano
Very passionate about everything he does
Joined the military

Kidoh (former)-
Potty mouth
Really cute
Bffs with Jin from BTS
Loves Poland
Questionable life choices

Seogoong (former)-
An actual angel
Has the meats
Really cute bottom teeth
Likes jumping on beds
Picks people up a lot

Bipolar little fuck
His laugh tho
Cuter than you
Art freak
Likes mannequins
His dog
Loves B-Joo and nobody else


An actual baby
Swears a lot
Smells bad

Can’t decide on a fucking hair style
Can’t sing
Spits fire tho
Rap god
Speaks pretty good English
Second youngest
Gets pranked a lot
Conceded little shit

So pretty
But also dumb as fuck
Dance prodigy
Likes minions
Aesthetic but not as aesthetic as Hojoon
Barely knows how to read

An actual sweetheart
His smile can cure cancer
Sings lullabies
Sneaky little fuck
Has cute ears
Ashamed of everyone

Crazy In Love

Originally posted by jeonbase

This is the full version of my mini fic, lil favor!

5.2k words. College!au. Min Yoongi. ft Park Jimin. Fluff.

Maybe making a deal with Yoongi to fake date for a month and do whatever he tells you to in exchange─ isn’t your brightest idea.

“Just so you know, I don’t like you.” You defiantly state.

The corner of Yoongi’s lips lifts up into a half smirk, gaze slanting your way, teasingly questioning your declaration. He tugs your intertwined hands to his side, yanking you closer to him as well until there’s hardly any space between the two of you.

“Likewise.” He says ever so calmly, it pisses you off.

You’re about to open your mouth to let a snarky remark put his smug ass in place but he beats you to it.

“You ready?”

The question brings you back to the situation at hand. Let’s see, you’ve made a deal with the devil, namely Min Yoongi who’s always been a tough competition in everything, you get the highest score in a test and he gets the highest score in your best class. Technically, asking your long term rival to pretend to be your fake boyfriend to ─how do you put it─ one up your ex, Jimin, whose presence is always graced by a group of female students after the rumor of the breakup made its way through campus, isn’t the best idea. But if it’s anyone that won’t judge you for your insecurities when you see those gorgeous girls Jimin is always seen talking to, or rather flirting with, then it would be Yoongi.

“Absolutely not.” You breathe out, eyes widening as if everything’s finally crashing down on you and hitting your square in the face with a stone brick.

“Good.” He smiles playfully, almost making you forget your purpose.

Keep reading

at the garrison

lance: *stares at keith* look at him, so mysterious. he’s staring off into the distance- he’s probably thinking about deep, philosophical shit- or about the flying simulator next lesson. i wonder if anyone is as serious as he is about becoming a pilot…


  • Naruto: Sasuke makes me so mad. I just want to, like, beat him up.
  • Kakashi: Hmm.
  • Naruto: And smash his stupid smirking lips really hard with my mouth.
  • Kakashi: You've just described a kiss.
  • Naruto: *not paying attention* Maybe rip his pants off and spank him. He deserves to be spanked. Arrogant jerk.
  • Kakashi: I think you mean 'naughty boy.'
  • Naruto: And when he's moaning my name like a the weak little bastard he is, I'll- I'll, um... Like...
  • Kakashi: Flip him over and make sweet, tender love to him?
  • Naruto: Sensei, what the fuck.
  • Kakashi: Forget it. I'll just stick to my books.
Imagine running with Steve

It was the usual morning ritual the four of you had, a good run in the morning then breakfast at the Tower or the diner near the park. You ran next to Steve, while Bucky and Sam raced next to each other.

“Come on bird boy,” Bucky teased. “I can run laps around you.”

“Whatever you say, metal arm,” Sam retorted speeding up. Bucky looked over his shoulder and winked at you, before taking off to catch up to Sam.

“They do know you could beat both their asses, right?”

Steve huffed out a laugh and smirked. “Let them have their wits.”

“Always a gentlemen,” you mused in between breaths. Your legs ached, you were never a great runner. You downright sucked, but Steve was ever the doting boyfriend; so he slowed his speed and jogged alongside you. The two of you ran together mostly in comfortable silence, you’d occasionally stole glances at the man. His face was a little flushed, hardly any sweat on his forehead. He was beautifully perfect.

“Will you stop staring,” Steve demanded in a teasing voice.

You snorted, “Will you stop being so damn perfect looking! It’s insulting!”

Steve slowed his pace, jogging to a halt. You stumbled over your steps to stop and turned to face him, hands on your hips. Your chest heaved up and down, trying to catch your breath. Sweat beads graced your forehead and you legs were on fire.

“If I can control my urge to pounce on you every second of the day, you can jog in peace alongside me.”

Your mouth gaped open in shock, Steve grinned sheepishly at the ground.

“Steve Grant Rogers!” 

He shrugged innocently as you filled the space between his body and yours. You unashamedly tugged at the hem of his gray shirt, your fingertips danced up his firm stomach. Steve blushed, his eyes darting around to make sure no one saw.  You leaned into his ear, running your hand up and down his chest, and whispered softly, “You can pounce on me any time you want, no permission needed.”

When you pulled away, Steve’s cheeks were rosy. You kissed him softly on the lips and reached around him to pat his bottom, making sure to grab a healthy handful of his ass.

You grinned at him before turning and dashing into a sprint toward Bucky and Sam. “Hey fellas! I just grabbed Captain America’s ass!”

things daveed did during hamilton that were absolutely incredible
  • refused to sit at the lil picnic table during aaron burr, sir, instead just hovered and beatboxed like a precious baby
  • sounded SO PROUD of himself when he figured out how to pronounce anarchy
  • during the story of tonight he kept trying to put his arm around oak and anthony and lin and they kept shoving him away to hug other people and he was just wandering around gripping their shoulders and looking like a third wheel it was so cute
  • attempted to hit on angelica until ham threw him out of the way and he shrugged and was like “ok i’ll go chat w peggy it’s no big deal there’s three of them” 
  • bopped to literally every song 
  • did the daveed special arm thing when he rapped to guns and ships (u know the one i’m talking about) 
  • jumped off of tables and bounced around while not missing a single beat bc he’s literally a beast i don’t understand
  • “you are the WORST BURR” was so aggressive like same, bro
  • when he came out for what’d i miss the crowd went insane and he was encouraging it!! like trying to hype everyone up and halting the song so he could listen to the applause
  • looked so offended when ham pushed washington out of the way. like “who is this lil bitch lemme fight him” 
  • constantly pushed on his hair so it would puff up and have more #style
  • he kept fucking GIGGLING whenever oak would say ANYTHING his little VOICE would GIGGLE i almost LOST IT
  • correction: i did lose it. i lost all of it.
  • “whaaaaaaaat”
  • refused to shake burr’s hand during the election of 1800, instead walked forward so his chest forced leslie’s hand to curl into a fist 
  • made it rain with the reynolds pamphlets
  • bounced around on his seat and GIGGLED. AGAIN!! i CANNOT with all of the GIGGLING!!!!
  • sounded so exasperated when he said “believe me, i tried” 
  • daveed just looked like he was having so much fun the entire time like i have never seen anyone be more infectiously happy ever. he was having the time of his life and so was i 

I just saw a post about why someone thinks Kala is asexual, which don’t get me wrong would be great for representation and I definitely want to see that on TV, but the reasons they listed don’t strike me as asexual – they strike me as someone who’s been taught from a very young age sex is extremely taboo, and now suddenly it’s thrust in her face and she doesn’t know what to do. 

Desi culture can veer to the extremes sometimes, and sex is one of those topics. I bet a good chunk of us Desi kids can’t even recall our parents kissing in front of us. And we’re raised thinking sex is so bad and virginity is an important aspect of who you are, then suddenly, when it’s time to get married all bets are off. Like you don’t even say the word unless you want to get beat lol. From personal experience, my mom never gave me the talk and had me opt out of sex education – twice. And my mother’s reasoning? “We don’t talk about it like them.” 

Translation: We don’t educate our children because it’s embarrassing and *wrong* since it’ll give them the wrong idea, and we weren’t taught anything different, so we’ll just keep silent.

And this gets even worse for girls because of all the double standards. It’s just so frustrating to be constantly told sex is a horrible thing, then when it’s time to have multiple people say it’s your sworn duty to have sex with your husband. How can you have such a frank conversation about a topic you weren’t allowed to speak about? And how can you be that intimate with someone when it becomes a chore?

To me, Kala’s shyness and unwillingness to have sex with Rajan stems from her being utterly clueless on how to be that intimate with someone when she’s been taught it’s a taboo thing, and also her inexperience (which, again, comes from girls usually being told to stay virgins otherwise it’ll bring shame on the family). Wolfgang, on the other hand, is so open about it and it’s a major culture shock to Kala, which is why she gets hella embarrassed when he’s unafraid of owning his sexuality. 

No wonder she’s scared – if she doesn’t sleep with Rajan, he’ll think she doesn’t love him and their marriage is done. It’s a new world she has to navigate, and it’s difficult when there’s so much pressure from her family and husband. She’s feeling trapped because she is

So although I can see why people feel Kala is asexual, I think it’s also a combination of much deeper issues regarding society’s standards and her upbringing. Everyone’s experiences are different, but I think it’s important to keep these issues in mind when understanding why Kala doesn’t want to have sex with Rajan.