if you are looking for ransome

the smh as a very potter musical quotes
  • jack: "hey pal...that's a pretty cool headband you got there..."
  • bitty: "cause usually i just kill people who try to get me to open up."
  • ransom: "rule number one: no boys. unless they're cute. rule number two: no alcohol. unless there's plenty to go around! and rule number three: no parties. unless umbridge is invited!!!"
  • holster: "it's just everytime i look at her i get pains in my chest, and i just know it's her fault, that bitch."
  • shitty: "oh shit! you guys are kids! i gotta watch my damn mouth around you little bastards."
  • lardo: "avada kedavra, DIE BITCH."
  • nursey: "alright, well i'm not surprised. c'mon lets go watch wizards of waverly place."
  • dex: "i love you all. except you draco i can't fucking stand you."
  • chowder: "bomb appétit...i mean bon appétit..."
  • (bonus)
  • parse: "i'm NOT dangerous, and i'm NOT homeless. anymore."
At Annie’s, after coming out to the crew...

Bitty: Wait, you guys all knew? How?

Shitty: Well, Jack’s crush on you was pretty obvious.

Jack: What

Holster: You were not subtle about it, bro.

Ransom: The looks, the coffee dates, the smiles-

Lardo: THE PICTURES

Holster: OMG you can’t forget the pictures- His whole photography final was a shrine to Bitty!

Ransom: Kinda sad, but in a cute way?

Jack: …

Bitty: …He was obvious? I never noticed! What about my crush on Jack, did y’all see it coming miles away too?

(They all look at each other)

Shitty: …no? Not really? We all thought Jack was pining after you…

Ransom: We were preparing a Captain’s talk about not leading him on, he was having a hard enough time on the NHL…

Bitty: But- I was being SO obvious! I did all that too, the looks and the smiles and- and- and I was being super nice to Jack, feeding him pies and stuff!

Shitty: Bits, my dude. You do that with everybody.

Lardo: We were kinda surprised he managed to land you.

Ransom: You’re so out of his league.

Jack: They’re kinda right.

i wonder if one day when Jack is just lounging about in the Haus on his Kindle, reading an article on WWI history, and Bitty is in the kitchen heating up leftovers, Holster and Ransom will walk in from class and see this and chirp “Dude, domestic much. Do you guys have your future kids’ names picked out too? lol” 

Bitty’s face will redden and he’ll roll his eyes, ready to retort that he’s barely even being domestic by microwaving last night’s dinner, but Jack won’t even look up as he says absently, still half-focused on his article, “Yeah. Charlotte if it’s a girl and Jaime if it’s a boy. Maybe Richard, too, but I have to ask Bits about that.”

Holster, Ransom, and Bitty will kind of just stand there, slack-jawed, until Jack looks up and he’s like, “Why is everyone looking at me what did I say.”  

stuff that was (probably) overheard in the haus

holster: dude, which of these ties for the banquet?

ransom: well, I’d say this one looks better with your suit, but that one brings out those beautiful baby blues, bro

holster: …bro

***

nursey: how can you not appreciate this? it’s ART, man! it’s a huge fuck-you to society’s standards, to their rules, to their total control over how we all have to look and talk and think!

dex: just admit that you put your shirt on inside out by accident

***

shitty: as she simultaneously tackles and proves herself in yet another field of art, this is clearly some of ms. duan’s most inspiring work yet. the composition, the lighting, the sheer beauty of the subject-

lardo: all i asked was if you thought this selfie was good enough for instagram

***

bitty: what the HELL, jack. i thought you were my FRIEND. i thought you had my back. i thought you were my captain, i thought i could trust you…but you betrayed me. get out of my kitchen. i can’t look at you right now. i need to be alone

jack: bits, all i did was accidentally buy margarine

***

farmer: i was super into yu-gi-oh when i was a kid

chowder: damn that’s weird because i’m super into YOU-gi-oh right now

farmer: that was terrible and i love you

***

jack: where are a double double and a box of timbits when you need them, eh?

ransom: ugh i know

bitty: what language is this

***

holster: if i staged a one man production of legally blonde the musical would you come see it

ransom: yes but you have to come to my one man show of wicked

holster: deal

***

lardo: if you could have dinner with any person who died who would you have it with? i think i’d pick frida kahlo

shitty: whoever invented weed

***

jack: when i was little i used to have nightmares about global warming because i was afraid the ice would all melt so i couldn’t play hockey anymore

bitty: that is simultaneously adorable and heartbreaking

***

dex: okay so you literally know how to knit but the minute i play any journey music I’M the old man

nursey: i’m classy old. i’m a gracefully aging angela bassett. you’re a white dad at a barbecue whose secret spice is pepper

The signs as Monster Factory monster descriptions
  • Aries: looks like a human goldfish cracker
  • Taurus: looks like darth maul undercover at a high school
  • Gemini: looks like if you saw someone who you suspected of being two kids standing on each others’ shoulders and then you ripped away the trench coat and it was one single human person
  • Cancer: looks like the movie the fly, if instead of a fly in the chamber with jeff goldblum it was like a big bowl of pasta salad
  • Leo: looks like a ghost chef boyardee
  • Virgo: looks like someone cut their face out of a magazine, is a human ransom note
  • Libra: looks like they’re from a dark version of gift of the magi where they sold their face to buy a gift and their wife bought them like, a face scarf
  • Scorpio: looks exactly like benedict cumberbatch
  • Sagittarius: looks like one of those optical illusions; can you see the other face in this face?
  • Capricorn: looks like they’re holding a bundle of dry spaghetti but the spaghetti is them
  • Aquarius: look likes they’re being permanently pinched by two grandmas
  • Pisces: looks like the crypt keeper is trying to sneak into a rave in the old west
normal day at the haus
  • jack, probably: i bet i can beat you in a wrestling match
  • ransom: you 100% could i would not ever presume that you cou--
  • jack: i challenge you to a wrestling match for the last slice of pie.
  • ransom: jack look i don't think you can enforce that. bitty is the one who decides--
  • bitty: no. i'll allow it
  • ransom: ....ugh fine if you want the pie i guess you can just--
  • jack: fight you for it? if you INSIST. *tackles over the back of the couch*
  • ransom, legs flying into the air: FUCK--!!!!
  • bitty: go jack!!
  • holster, walking into the room: RANS WHAT ARE YOU DOING GO FOR THE SOLAR PLEXUS

What the heck, I didn’t even notice that the title card for the original Killing Stalking was so cool, look at this:

In Korean, the title should be written 킬링 스토킹 but they’ve replaced the ㅋ and the ㅅ with their English consonant counterparts. What a neat stylistic choice. I prefer this to the rough, scribbly font they used for the English title card instead.

Dex and Nursey team up during christmas time to hide some of their own decorations into the mass of christmas that exploded in the Haus.

These decorations include, but are not limited to:

The “chris” mas tree which is literally photos of every celebrity Chris in the known world hung up on the tree by paperclips. Of course a picture of Chowder is the star of this tree.

Pictures of the grinch baby everywhere. Imagine going to the bathroom in the middle of the night and seeing a big green grinch baby staring back at you 

Ransom cried

An Elf on the Shelf doll which is refashioned to look like Jack. Bitty thinks its adorable, the rest think its creepy af. Jack is always watching

At least three Beats Pills all hidden and hooked up to a bluetooth that blasts christmas music at any time. Even this one freaks them out though, when a bunch of early 90s christmas favorites that neither of them chose blast through one night. They figure it was the lax bros thinking it was a shitty prank

A goat with a red nose was brought up to the attic (“we couldn’t find a reindeer”)

Dex putting red and green food coloring in bitty’s food so everything looks festive.

And last, and certainly not least (but certainly the most cliche) Mistletoe. It didn’t change much, except more plausible deniability in peoples kisses. Also tango got sad when he saw it because he thought parts of the christmas tree got stuck…in every room of the haus.

(nurseydex ofc + “quiet they can hear us”)

“Uh. What are you doing?” William Poindexter is curled into a ball far too tiny to actually be his body, wedged between the green sofa and the wall with a stricken look on his face.

“Shh! Quiet, they can hear us!” He whisper shouts. His hand shoots out and wraps around Nursey’s ankle and, a quick tug later, Nursey is half on the floor next to Dex and half on the green couch.

“Okay.” Nursey says plainly. “This is cool and all, but why are you hiding behind the couch, dude?” Dex unwraps his fingers from Nursey’s ankle, slowly. For a fleeting moment, Nursey mourns the warmth, the contact.

“I dropped a pie.” Dex says, eyes closed tightly, and Nursey gasps.

“A fineable offense.” He whispers sagely and Dex nods tersely.

“I have twenty-four dollars and fifty-three cents in my bank account and I still haven’t finished Christmas shopping. Holster and Ransom are out there, somewhere; it’s either the sin bin or Christmas presents, and I have the feeling they’re more into instant gratification than anything.” Nursey laughs and struggles to quietly make himself more comfortable. His back is pressed against the corner of the couch now, legs encroaching upon Dex’s already-lacking personal space. He shoots Nursey a half hearted glare, but moves a little to make room.

“Hm. Quite a predicament.” Nursey says and Dex rolls his eyes. “Dropping a pie is, what, a two dollar fine?”

“Four, since it was peach. You know Bitty uses ‘only the finest Georgia peaches, Dex!’” He imitates. Nursey snickers.

“You sound like a cartoon character.” Nursey chirps and Dex shoves his legs but is grinning hard.

“Shut up, you dick.” Nursey puts up his hands in resignation. “Okay, but I made the pie, mostly, so should that shave off at least fifty cents?” Nursey takes a minute to ponder the fact.

“You could ask them?” He says, referring to the sin bin police in question. Dex’s eyes go wide.

“I told them I was getting my wallet.”

“Okay?”

“Two hours ago.”

“Oh.” Nursey’s eyes widen as well. “Evading fines is a taxable offense.”

“Yep.” Dex says, popping the ‘p’.

“Poindexter, you dumbass.”

“What! Sorry that I wanted to get you guys something nice for Christmas!” His eyes are closed again and he props his elbow up on Nursey’s shin. It hurts, a bit, but he likes the contact. “Fuck you guys, everyone is getting the ice off my blades for Christmas.”

“Dang, that’s worse than last year when you tried to knit everyone sweaters.” Dex shoves him again, harder.

“Dude, I gave Chowder and Bitty, like, the best fuckin’ sweaters known to man, sorry I didn’t have time to finish all of them.”

“I’m still holding out for that sweater, Poindexter.” Dex laughs loudly and it lights up the room. Nursey sighs.

William J. Poindexter!” A voice booms from the doorway. Dex’s eyes shoot open.

“Oh my god,” he groans, arm dropping before tightly gripping Nursey’s shin. His eyes are wide again. “Hide me, what the fuck.” He shimmies further into himself, pressing behind the couch tightly.

“Don’t think we cant’s see you!” Nursey hears Ransom shout. Then, he makes a snap judgement call and, against Dex’s protests, unfolds himself and stumbles up into Ransom and Holster’s line of vision. Both of them are wearing Samwell Men’s Hockey tank tops, black sunglasses, and red bandanas. Holster is cradling the sin bin in his arms like a newborn baby, or a wounded animal.

“Uh. Hey, guys.” Nursey smiles; he watches as their eyebrows rise above the line of their sunglasses.

“Hey, Nursey, have you seen Dex around?” Holster asks, walking towards the couch. Nursey does the same, as nonchalantly as he can, in hopes of keeping the pair from getting too close.

“Nah, I think I saw him up at the dorms a little while ago, though. Why?” Holster’s mouth sets to a tight line and he lifts his sunglasses, squints.

“I don’t believe you.” He says, bending a bit to be on Nursey’s level. Honestly, he’s a little intimidated, but the whole situation, how serious they’re taking it, undermines his fear. Ransom butts in.

“William J. Poindexter dropped a pie at 2:32 pm.”

“Two dollars!” Holster interjects.

“It was a peach pie.”

“Two more dollars!” Holster interjects again, slapping the back of his hand against his palm.

“It is now 4:17.” Ransom says and it’s in his captain voice, dear god.

“One additional dollar per hour it takes to pay the fine!”

“William J Poindexter owes the sin bin six dollars. There are four witnesses willing to testify.”

“Oh.” Nursey breathes. “Uh.” He reaches around to his pocket, pulls out his wallet. He pauses, looks at the d-men before him, pulls out a ten dollar bill. He bends over and drops it into the jar in Holster’s arms.

“Hm.” The pair make eye contact. “Allow us to deliberate.” Holster says and they begin discussing in hushed voices.

“We have decided to accept your payment on behalf of William J. Poindexter.” And then they’re gone.

“What the fuck.” Nursey groans dropping back down next to Dex. “I willingly signed up to be on this team, what the fuck.”

“Thanks, Nursey.” Dex laughs and begins to uncurl himself from behind the couch.

“No problem, man. Glad you’re not freaking out about me spending money on you, though.” He says, shoving at Dex’s shoulder. The other boy stretches his neck a few times and groans.

“God I was down there for too long.” Dex looks at Nursey thoughtfully. “But yeah, I dunno, I’ll just make it even. How about a brunch date?” Dex asks.

“How about a normal date?” Nursey fires back before he can think about what he said. Dex’s face goes blank.

“How about a normal date that happens to take place within the time frame typically accepted as 'brunch’?” Dex asks, the corner of his lips curling up.

“Hm,” Nursey pretends to think about it, as if his heart isn’t hammering in his chest so loud that he fears Dex might hear. “I think that would be a sufficient method of payback.” Nursey says with a sharp nod and puts his hand out for Dex to shake. The other boy rolls his eyes, grabs his hand, and pulls him forward before dropping a chaste kiss on his cheek, right below his left cheek bone. Nursey body goes warm, his entire face igniting.

“10 am tomorrow.” Dex says before leaving the room.

Proper Date Manners

approximately 7k of fake dating, un-fake feelings, and Jane Austen!

based on this tumblr post

ransom & holster belong to ngozi, creator of @omgcheckplease

also on ao3

“Bro. Don’t look now, but that girl’s been checking you out for the last fifteen minutes.”

“‘Swawesome,” Ransom said, keeping his eyes on his phone.

Holster frowned. “Dude. When I said 'don’t look now,’ I didn’t mean for you to actually not look.”

Ransom shrugged. “I don’t really feel like hooking up tonight, man.”

Holster squinted at his best friend. “You 'haven’t felt like hooking up’ for the last three months, Rans. I thought you said your breakup with March was mutual?”

“It was,” Ransom insisted, but Holster wasn’t convinced. Three months was a lot in college time, and a guy as attractive as Ransom wouldn’t be having any trouble getting a date unless he didn’t want one. Which meant…

“Are you still upset about it?”

“No.”

“Then there’s no reason for you not to let me hook you up, is there?”

Ransom probably thought he looked casual, but Holster knew his best friend. He could see the way Ransom’s fingers tightened around his phone case at Holster’s question. So when he said, “Guess not,” Holster didn’t waste a moment in slinging an arm around Ransom’s shoulders and steering him towards the girl he’d noticed. Ransom was an amazing guy. He deserved to have a nice time.

Of course, Holster would have really liked to be the one showing Ransom a nice time… but that was beside the point.

Keep reading

No but seriously have a crack au

Derek Malik Nurse has a brother in the NHL. No one on the team knows who it is because whenever anyone asks Nursey who it is he either ends up sidetracked or a loud noise sounds that doesn’t allow anyone to hear what he says and he still gets sidetracked

So everyone’s taking bets on who Nursey’s brother could possibly be (and of course they’re looking at all the black players in the NHL all eleven of them) and Nursey is actually a clueless fuck the oblivious prick

then EpiKegster 2014 happens and Ransom and Holster are determined to find out so they try to get Nursey to spill over tub juice but Nursey keeps getting sidetracked (stop looking at Dex asshole) and then Kent Parson shows the fuck up

and ofc the haus is in an uproar at Kent Parson showing up to their kegster and Jack is like “what are you doing here” but we all know why Kent was there but his flimsy ass excuse is “my brother attends Samwell” and Jack’s like “you don’t have…” and then it clicks for him and he’s like “your mom remarried Nursey’s dad??” and Kent’s like “first my mom married a chick and second who the fuck is nursey”

“that would be me, hey hi, your only brother,” Nursey says and he’s looking between Jack and Kent “do you guys have history or something”

and. man aint that a loaded question.

after epikegster tho follows along with Nursey not making it a big deal because he and Kent have been legal step-siblings for closer to six years at this point but like brothers for longer because Nursey’s two moms and Kent’s mom started dating when Kent was in the Q and Kent was between parents

Nursey had no idea about Kent and Jack’s history fr fr tho because he and Kent didn’t see each other often when Kent was in the q because Kent spent a lot of time with his dad. they were close but not that close

thus ensues the shenanigans of Kent constantly “checking up on” his younger brother Nursey and trying to get all of Nursey’s friends to like him (“seriously why the fuck do they call you Nursey of all things” “It’s better than Parse you heathen”) while also trying to mend his relationship with Jack slowly and surely

‘oh shit! we should call you ransom and holster! sick name for a d-men pair.’ it only takes a second to register the look in your eyes and i return it with my own; it’s perfect. we’re perfect. i know it’s for real when you apply for a room change and practically live in my dorm anyway when you’re denied. 'bro,’ you say one day, your fingertips coming up to rest on my cheek while you look me in the eyes. 'bro,’ i say back, my other hand seeking out yours and lacing our fingers. we don’t have to say anything; we know. it’s beautiful. we’re beautiful.
of course–
sometimes (most times) i still wake up gasping for breath and i swear there’s smoke in my lungs and i reach to your side of the bed to make sure you’re there just as my brain reminds me you’re not. the sheets are cold compared to the heat of my nightmares and all i want is to curl up in your arms and weep. i fall asleep imagining that you are the one whispering 'it’s okay’ over and over while the flames that took you lick back into my subconscious.
and then–
the first time we meet is on the ice, you with the aces and me with the falconers, and when you catch my eye, grin and nod before the game, electricity zaps up my spine. alexei is a great d-man but i can’t help but wonder how it might be for you and i to play for the same team (there’s a metaphor in there, i think, but i’m too busy getting checked into the boards hard enough to see stars to think about it). after the game (we win; it was a charity match, and no one is too torn up) you find me before i go to my hotel for the night and tater stays back with me, looking at you distrustfully. 'you went to samwell, right? i remember playing against you and zimmermann in the frozen four.’ you smile and it feels like someone’s punched all the air from my chest. 'i almost went to samwell too, you know.’ 'yeah?’ is all i can manage, but that’s okay because you’re already pushing on. 'yeah, i mean, the whole one in four, maybe more thing is pretty inviting.’ it’s my turn to smile, and i wonder if i affect you the same way you do me.
after that–
starting a new high school in a new country partway through your senior year is scary enough without also adding in the fact of being black and bi and trans and an activist. that morning, eyes heavy with sleep and brain forgetting my anxieties it had seemed like a great idea to wear my pride pins on my bag and my black lives matter shirt, had seemed like a statement, but now i’m surrounded by white teens who give me a wide berth and distrustful eyes and my heart is in my throat. my third class is social studies and i was never one for dramatics but seeing you in the back of the class smiling and talking and laughing in a shirt that says “make racists afraid again” and your bi pride bracelet is like taking a drink after being stranded in a desert. the knot in my stomach starts to unravel and i can breathe again; at least until you catch sight of me, and your smile is so blinding that i nearly stumble when you beckon me toward your group of friends. 'adam.’ you’re still smiling. 'justin,’ i say back, and your hand feels warm and safe when we shake. you keep talking about how your break had been, how pissed people had been when you said happy hanukkah instead of merry christmas, and the space you make for me in your circle of friends feels so natural i almost forget what worry feels like.
next time–
bits and pieces is one of providence’s most successful businesses– one part because of the food, one part because of the host of professional nhl players who worked or stopped by in their free time, and one part because the bakery is loudly and proudly an lgbt safe space. the cafe was quiet, which was normal for this time of day; a few patrons were scattered around at tables, the tv up in the corner on a news station replaying the highlights from the falconers’ winning game the night before. in about an hour bitty will close the bakery for the next few, because the falconers will be coming home with their new teammate and bitty will want them to all get to know each other before the masses descend on the establishment. 'so, justin,’ you say later, leaning against the counter while i make your drink. you’re adam birkholtz, tater’s new d-man, and angels sing when you say my name. 'you gonna write your number on that cup for me, bro, or do i gotta make you a drink instead?’ shitty whoops from behind us and the tips of your ears go red, and the effort for you to keep looking calm and collected is adorable. 'nah, brah, i’m classy.’ on impulse i grab your hand and scribble my number across the back, glancing up to meet your eyes and grin. 'fuckin high school romance this shit up, birkholtz.’
finally–
every life with you flashes behind my eyes when they’re closed and i’m so desperate to find you that it hurts. 'you remember your soulmate once you start puberty,’ my parents had said. 'you’ll remember the lives you spent with them; it can be disorienting, so we’ll keep an eye on you. don’t worry.’ it was only one or two, usually, i knew; it was rare to find your soulmate often in past lives. puberty came and the memories of us left me bedridden for a week; not one life, not two, but hundreds, each memory overwhelming and leaving my heart aching more for you than the last. i try to convince myself that my choice to go to samwell had nothing to do with you, that i just liked the lgbt aspect of it, that it was familiar because so many of my lives had been here, but i knew it was a lie. i was hoping that i’d see you there again, that i’d finally find you after years of pining. you’re not in the locker room or on the ice at the start of practice, and i ignore the ache in my chest, ignore the disappointment, ignore– 'ransom?’ i don’t have to look, i just know, and in the next second my arms are around you and you’re laughing and i’m grinning and saying 'holster, god, i– holster’ and shitty’s skating by in the background: 'oh shit! ransom and holster! sick name for a d-men pair.’
it’s perfect.
we’re perfect.
—  soulmates have to be real or you wouldn’t feel this familiar every time
Holster Has Made Out With Everyone 13) Senior Year: Ransom

This is the last installment! Thanks for reading.


“I think you two should make out,” says March.

This is clearly an intervention. April is here, and Bitty perched in a corner of the locker room clutching a tray of mini-pies and looking embarrassed for everybody. Lardo brought her fucking gavel. There is a laptop in the corner, and Holster’s pretty sure someone is going to suggest Skyping Shitty any minute. Chowder’s supportive smile is already looking strained.

The only people in the room that Holster isn’t mad at right now are Nursey and Dex who are ignoring the stupidest ever session of Samwell Men’s Hockey Court to grope each other behind the We Support You Both banner.

Keep reading

Check Please Drawing Problems By Character

Bitty: how do I communicate he has big eyes without looking ridiculous or entering uncanny valley territory? how do I make him look 20? why are his features so simple but so hard to draw??!?!!

Jack: *Bitty voice*: His eyes are too wolf eyes. resisting the urge to just reference Sidney Crosby. Boyband Bangs™ Dorito Chip Bod™

Shitty: To Draw Him In-Character is to Draw Him Naked but I Don’t Want to Be NSFW: a novel, by me. proper mustache volume. to flow or not to flow?

Lardo: too perfect, makes you feel inferior. how to fit her in frame with other characters given size difference?? which of her equally iconic hairstyles do I use???

Ransom: makes me cry because he’s not real. cheekbones physically painful to draw they’re so beautiful. hands so big and I’m maybe a little too into it??

Holster: glasses or no?? chicklet teeth??? everything is rectangular??????

Nursey: also too beautiful help. how floofy to make hair??? *references comic for the billionth time to remember which arm the tattoo is on* “does his face look young enough for me to add stubble without making him look forty?” his eyebrows take the square root of his eye

Dex: “Okay, but how about more freckles?” is it even possible for someone to blush like this?? just exactly how big are the ears?? always taller than I think he is. cryptid eyes

Chowder: crying because I always want to give my son the eyebrows he deserves. how much shark merchandise??

Parse: *draws him in a snapback just to avoid drawing his hair* (seriously I don’t know how to draw his hair help) “hm I wonder what color I should make his eyes this time” cute, upturned, freckled nose totally belying personality??? too easy to draw sad

Tater: lksdfksdflkj he’s so broad i’m so weak help. resisting the urge to just reference Evgeni Malkin. which side of his face to put the smile on. gold chain??

Farmer: how much gum? has almost too much eyebrow. needs to give some to chowder. not enough in-comic appearances to reference @ngozi get on that

George: wanting to add more muscle definition but not knowing how. how messy to make her bun?? she and farmer go to the same eyebrow place

Alicia: *just gives in and references Gillian Anderson* looks better in her fifties than I do at 20

Camilla and Bob: I’ve never drawn them. yes this is a problem

6

Samwell social media part 1/?

Bitty’s Instagram

Fancasts:

Bitty - Dylan Bell

Lardo - Courtnney McCullough

Jack - Ryan Kennedy

Farmer - Kara Neko

Chowder - Steven Lim

Holster - Andrew Fitzpatrick

Ransom - Jay Walker OR Malik Lindo

Nursey -  Yanis Serbout

Dex - Oliver John

p.s you should totally look up pals battalions bc they are 100% something jack would love to talk about ad nauseam

Read on AO3


“15 minutes until midnight!” Ryan Seacrest declares on the TV as Dex walks back to the couch another beer for himself and Nursey.

As he sits down, he takes a good look around the room at everyone gathered there with him in the Haus living room. He’s glad he’s here. Originally he’d been planning to spend the entire winter break with his family, but they were starting to seriously bother him by Christmas Eve. He had been steeling himself to just deal with it, but his papa must have noticed because he stopped by Dex’s room the day after Christmas and suggested that he go back to school early and spend New Years with his friends instead.

Keep reading

Holster Has Made Out With Everyone 4) Sophomore Year: Camilla

Ransom lost the toss to pick up groceries from Murder Stop and Shop, so Holster is on his own, kicking back on the stinky green couch when Camilla Collins, tennis champion and all around golden babe of glory, jogs into the Haus looking hella stressed. “Is Jack back from winter break yet?”

“Nah,” says Holster. He and Ransom deliberately returned two days before everyone else, because Jack disapproves of staircase sledding and other swawesome winter activities, plus Holster is plotting to build a line of angry snow pucks with faces along the Reading Room roof, to greet the returning Hausmates. “Not til late tomorrow.”

“Damn,” says Camilla. “Can I borrow you?”

Keep reading

Check, Please headcanon

Okay so I’m Canadian and let me tell you, when you go to the states, you can tell when other Canadian people are around because they just look,,, softer?

So I imagine that Jack and Ransom wouldn’t even have to be introduced they already know that the other is Canadian and get along swimmingly.

B u t Jack starts speaking French because he just assumes Ransom knows French because it’s the second language of Canada! Why wouldn’t you know French!

I’ve been learning Frech since grade four, and I don’t know a lick of French. Everyone I know (friends and family in Toronto) none of them know French. Not unless they’ve been in the program- daily- since senior kindergarten.

Something Ransom was not in. So he just smiles and nods and when Jack is done he just, laughs.

Ransom only knows little phrases, like “je ne comprend pas” (i do not understand) and “je m'appelle Justin” (my name is Justin)

And because Québécois French is different from the French we are taught, Ransom can’t even understand Jack, and vice versa.

Anyways, their first meeting is a train wreck.