if this was already shared it is not my fault!

C: I’m tired of placing blame. Whether it’s my fault or someone else’s fault why I’m unhappy. I just want it fixed already. My sadness stems from me feeling undervalued, unimportant, disposable. I am constantly haunted by the need for love. I don’t see myself having it. Like a wanderer searching for water in a desert. I feel like I’m enslaved by it. When my heart is broken, I have no one to run to because my family never shared love with me. I just want to be someone else’s water in the desert.

You’re the child we would have had anyway, Simon. You were ours, in every way. And none of it is your fault. 

[…]

You came on the solstice. And you came so easily, I swear you didn’t want to cause me any more pain. […] I loved you before I met you, and I loved you more the moment I held you. And I never meant to leave you so soon.
I never would have left you.

Simon, Simon.

My rosebud boy.

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell

(;A;) 

(Requested) Daddy Zayn: He Finds Out You Were out Until Three AM

the request was to keep it short and sweet, so I’ll leave the ending for you to decide

Your mum had promised not to tell, because in her words, “I’ve done my fair share of stupid things when I was seventeen and as much as I am looking forward to punishing you for worrying me so much, I would never subject you to your father’s wrath over something this bad.” It wasn’t like you had planned on staying out until three in the morning on a Sunday night, really it was your parents fault for not getting you a car already and making it so that you had to rely on your careless friends who didn’t seem to care that you had a 1 am curfew. Well it wasn’t exactly like you were pushing them for the ride home, technically you hadn’t even asked once. But as long as dad wasn’t finding out and you were merely dealing with mom’s stupid lectures and a few days grounded, you could handle- 

 “My wrath over what?” Zayn appeared in the kitchen, grabbing an apple from the bowl on the counter and raising an eyebrow. Your mother sent you an apologetic look, biting her lip, which you returned with a face showing pure terror; you knew when it came down to it, your mum wasn’t going to lie to your dad. 

She slowly walked towards him, speaking softly, “Listen Zayn, it was a stupid decision. One that I’m sure both of us made a hundred times-“ Zayn watched her come closer, making him raise another eyebrow and place his apple back down, “What the hell did she do?” 

 “She…she didn’t happen to get home until three in the morning last night, but she was safe and-” 

 “She fuckin’ what?” Zayn shouted, turning to stare at you with wide eyes, his hands gripping the counter tighly. 

 “Zayn the important thing is that she’s home now, and safe, and very sorry-“ 

 “The important thing, is just how sorry she’s going to be when I’m done with her,” Zayn snarled, walking towards you. “Do you think she’s too old for a spanking, honey?”

you may have noticed i’ve been quiet on this discussion that’s been going on but here’s what i have to say about underage fics: i started reading fanfiction when i was 12 years old. when i was 14 i found a ‘shota john’ fic without having a clue what it meant until i actually started reading it. i had been reading fic for two years and i was young and it seemed no different from what i’d read already. i will not go into any more details but not long later i was sexually violated and harassed online and in real life by an adult without realizing at the time it was abuse. for nearly a year i thought what had happened to me was normal and when i started feeling bad about it i thought it was entirely my fault, even though i was 14 at the time. this is the first time i’ve ever shared this with anyone and ive still not entirely worked through it but i know for a fact that reading underage fic made my abuse seem normal. two years of feeling guilty and ashamed have taken its toll on my mental and physical health and no child ever should go through what i did. SHOTA/UNDER AGE FIC NORMALIZES ABUSE AND IF YOU WRITE IT YOU ARE PERPETUATING PEDOPHILIA WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. 

As much of an “oh shit” moment this was, I was really hoping my Sith warrior was going to get a really good dig in at Quinn by saying something along the lines of “Look Quinn, this is how you build a murder-droid!” at some point. 

Of course then I’d have to comfort him later; “there there honey it’s not your fault your droids were hilariously underwhelming.”

In all seriousness though, my personal head canon was that it really wasn’t anything to do with him or how he built his droids, it was all the Sith Warrior. Up until the Quinncident, our battles are really just “business as usual”. Sith are taught to channel their passions and anger into their fighting, and while something like the betrayal from Darth Baras was likely very infuriating, it was also somewhat expected. Sith infighting seems to be pretty common in the Empire, and apprentices attempting to oust their master or vice-versa is most definitely nothing new, if not expected at some point. 

But Quinn, however, was something entirely different. From our point of view, he practically begs to be allowed to come with us (going so far as to get down on his knee, listing all of his “qualifications”), tries hard to be of practical use (which he really is), and all the while perpetuates this image of being extremely loyal to both you and the Empire. So when the Quinncident happens, it’s that much of a slap in the face to the Sith Warrior. 

We expected it from Baras at some point. We expected it from everyone we call “allies” in the Sith and we expected it from anyone and anything at the other end of our lightsaber. We did not, however, see it coming from Quinn, and after everything the Sith Warrior and Quinn had gone through together, whether it was a simple respectful Sith Lord/subordinate relationship or a romantic one, it stings. It is a very personal sting, and I don’t think Quinn with all his cold calculations and observations realized just how much this personal sting could effect the warrior, because Sith run purely on passion and anger. 

So, when his droids are rolled out and he’s trying to talk up his reasons for doing it, the Sith Warrior is beginning to boil with rage, confusion, grief, and a lot of other uncontrolled feelings that come with this very personal betrayal. Said feelings are channeled into what is probably a barely controlled fighting style, and suddenly we see the Sith Warrior fighting at 200% of their strength because, well, they’re pissed off. More than they have ever been. Quinn is completely at a loss because naturally he’s never really seen the Sith Warrior fight like this, and I think in the 30 seconds it takes for the warrior to dismantle his droids completely, he realizes in the back of his mind how he’s completely underestimated your emotional strength. 

So really, I personally don’t think the droids being weak had anything to do with Quinn’s abilities or competence, and everything to do with the way our Sith Warrior is feeling. of course this whole thing is likely moot since this fight was probably very harder in previous patches and just got nerfed over the years

Why he did it could probably be traced back to Darth Baras. I know a lot of people see his betrayal as “wtf you chose him over me??” and while I agree that it can come down to that, I think that is seriously over-simplifying how much deep shit Quinn was in. And I think people severely underestimate Darth Baras and his hold on him. For us as the Sith Warrior it’s very easy to say that we’re going to wipe the floor with his face because we’re the main characters, but in-universe, Darth Baras’ shadow towers over everything in the Empire. 

So, upstart new-face apprentice who is apparently very strong with a lightsaber vs established chronic backstabbing Sith Lord who controls everything from the shadows. I think I know whose money the bulk of the Empire’s bet would be on. 

youtube

“Only Fault” - Kaylee Quinn, Just Plain Dancin’ mini, The Dance Awards Las Vegas, June 2015
The Only Fault ~ Rachael Yamagata, from her 2nd studio album Elephants … Teeth Sinking Into Heart

I know this dance video has been uploaded many times already, but it was one of the first requests I received for TDA Las Vegas and I wanted to share my ‘perfected’ rendition. Plus, I love those Quinn sisters ♥♥♥