if this gets only two notes i am ending my life

1-Minute Anime Previews

This time around, the reviews are only based on a 2nd-episode impression (save for 1 show), but hopefully it’ll give you a good enough gleam of what you might want to pick up. Perhaps I’ll do a follow up later during season’s end.

Net-Juu no Susume - Recovery of an MMO Junkie

Genre: MMO, slice of life, romance(???)
Summary:  A 30-year old white-collar office lady (Morioka Morika) decides to quit her job and live the self-gratifying life of an “elite” NEET. Finding that her old user account on an MMO has been deleted due to inactivity, she picks up a new one called Fruits de Mer, but this time as a male avatar (Hayashi). Off to a rough start on her new adventure with much difficulty, she runs into the cute and helpful player, Lily, who both supports and introduces Morika to “her” guild. As the players immerse themselves into the game, they take the opportunity to express themselves further as someone else. 
Story: B
Characters: B
Overall: B
Commentary: First off, I have to say, of all the chuunibyou-inducing usernames she crossed out, Morioka decides to go with Hayashi of all things, which is essentially a pun on her name…XD…(t/n: Mori and Hayashi both mean forest). Honestly, off to a fun start with decently likeable characters, a relaxing direction, and some very relatable content. A good portion of my enjoyment definitely stems from the very well-suited Noto Mamiko playing a rather niche but likeable lead for the MMO-genre. So far things seem promising. Worth hanging on to.

Kino no Tabi ~ The Beautiful World ~

Genre: fantasy, philosophy, adventure
Summary:  Episodic tales of a lone traveller and her talking motorcycle, visiting as many new strange and interesting places as she can while staying only just 3-days at a time before setting off once more. What circumstances will await Kino at the next town?
Overall: B+/A-
Commentary: Absolutely solid production qualities. Modern, crisp, and perhaps a bit more compact than its predecessor TV series thus far. Nagi Yanagi is also quite a nice follow-up choice to the retired Shimokawa Mikuni for opening theme. Though the era has changed, a nostalgic essence lingers. I’m actually re-watching the old series right now to get a refresher, but apparently there will be very few overlapping episodes in this new adaptation. My only complaint really would be the lead voice acting. Aoi is…well, growing on me, but I find that she sometimes goes several octaves too high or accidentally drops the acting altogether. Saitou Souma for Hermes though is a major disappointment (the worst role I’ve ever heard him in to date). But perhaps with time, they’ll both grove into the role a little better. In any case, I doubt most viewers will really notice much. Other than that, it’s going good so far. Very beautiful, sometimes disturbing, serene stories that gets you thinking.

Juuni Taisen

Genre: action, fantasy
Summary:  A battle royal between twelve very experienced combatants named after animals of the Zodiac. Last one standing gets any wish imaginable granted to them.
Story: C+
Characters: C+
Overall: B-
Commentary: Really more of a glamorous action show thus far (can’t say I’m really into NisiOisin’s works; though I do love Nakamura Hikaru’s designs). The story is linear, and while the animation is very engaging, the quality does dip a little bit here and there. In-between the vibrant combat scenes though, someone is always doing some seriously long inner-monologue. It almost seems like the pattern for a death flag at this point. Oh well; an action-flick is precisely why I picked it up, and it certainly delivers. And, who knows…maybe next episode, it might throw a surprise my way.

Blend S

Genre: slife of life, comedy
Summary:  Sweet and polite Maika has some killer sharp-glint to her eyes and often runs into trouble expressing herself on account of them. But in order to find independence and pay for her own expenses to study abroad, she acquires a job at a “dere” maid-cafe (Cafe Stile), where the waitresses are given certain attributes…and in Maika’s case, that attribute is “extreme sadist”!
Story: C+
Characters: B-
Overall: C+
Commentary: Not too sure if I find it all that amusing as the gags do get repetitive, but it does have some good moments. Watching this though, sometimes reminds me of the late Fujiwara Cocoa on a couple of points, and it’s a bit heart-breaking. Thus far, Blend S has yet to go the extra mile, but nonetheless, I think this shows caters to a certain taste and is relatively enjoyable enough. Just not sure if I’d keep it in the long run, personally.

Konohana Kitan

Genre: slice of kemonomimi-life
Summary: Kokohana-tei is a hot spring hotel located in an inn town between our world and the otherworldly, where many patrons stop by to enjoy its atmosphere. The story centers around the lives of several adorable fox-spirits who work there.
Story: C+
Characters: B-
Overall: C+
Commentary: I’m not entirely sure how I feel about this one yet. It has some cute moments but also some serious slow dips…but…but…the aesthetics. I’m weak to fox girls. Perhaps it might be a nice relaxer for a tea break. Interestingly though, and this is quite out there, but Yuzu and Satsuki have a similar kind of character relationship you’d find in a young shounen manga (between the rival and the protagonist). It caught me a little off guard. 

Kekkai Sensen S2

Genre: action, comedy, sci-fi-fantasy
Overall: B+ 
Commentary: First of all I have to say I’ve never been so absolutely delighted for a change in staff. Like, thank god. First season was a decision-making mess. The pacing for S2 thus far is great. Still sleek and fast paced, but far less arduous and much more true to the essence of the series. There are no more weird, far-off pan shots where it’s hard tell what is being drawn, fewer shaky scene-changes and pretentious soliloquy, and best of all…gone with that tacky, borderline-nonsensical narrative featuring two very inconsequential characters (…whom if you completely removed, would actually just be manga content). My major gripe over Black & White was…not only was their narrative insubstantial, it actually replaced and condensed the screen time of many major characters and important story points, all the while failing to fit themselves into Nightow’s world. Not to mention S1 staff flopped a ton of my favourite jokes. — So finally…this is now the kind of whimsical and otherworldly Kekkai Sensen I fell in love with. I’m not saying the manga was perfect, nor is sticking more rigidly to source material automatically a better choice, but for a series of this kind of flavour, dramatic narrative is perhaps not all that necessary. But if there were to be, I’d like it kept in Nightow’s style. Welcome back in action, KKSS.

Anime Gataris

Genre: parody, meta-comedy
Summary:  Rapid-fire chit chats between characters who are really into anime.
Commentary: Definitely a show that’s a little too fast-paced for me to keep up with on the first watch-through. It’s as if someone was making a YouTube segment on every anime trope there is and condensed it into a half-hour episode. Personally, not something I would recommend; but is definitely something I might keep watching out of guilt-pleasure. It’s a little fun to try and guess which series they might be referencing.

Elegant Youkai Apartment Life

Genre: slice of life, supernatural-fantasy
Summary: When 16-year old Inaba Yuushi lost his parents 3 years ago, he was taken in by his Uncle’s family. However, with family life feeling a little strained, he no longer wishes to be a burden on his relatives and is determined to move out and into his new school’s dormitory. Unfortunately for him—a fire burned it down. At a loss for what to do, Yuushi is eventually led by a mysterious force into renting a room in a unique apartment for dirt cheap. Little did he know…the apartment is home to both human and supernatural creatures alike. Thus, Yuushi’s life becomes entangled in this new and strange world.
Story: C+/-B
Characters: B
Overall: -B
Commentary: Not quite what I expected it to be when I picked it up. It was neither ghost-busting, nor Natsume-esque. Rather, it’s far less mysterious and far more casual than it appears to be. However, I’m already 16 episodes in, and am still thoroughly enjoying Youkai Apartment as my tea-time show (in all its slashy-glory). Overall, the show seldom goes beyond being merely pleasant, with the biggest highlight being Kuri’s episode, but there is a slow and budding potential being built, and I oddly don’t mind just keeping it on the side for the long run. It’s heart-warming and often gets me thinking about life.

On an amended note; Bahamut S2 really roller-coaster dipped at the end there, so that’s my commentary on that; but soap-opera of a plot mess aside, it was still pretty entertaining.

All About Writing Fight Scenes

@galaxies-are-my-ink asked,

“Do you have any advice on writing fight scenes? The type of scene I’m writing is mostly hand to hand combat between two experts. I’m definitely not an expert so when I try to write it, the scene ends up sounding repetitive and dull.”

Fore note: This post is coauthored by myself and one of my amazing critique partners, Barik S. Smith, who both writes fantastic fight scenes and teaches mixed martial arts, various artistic martial arts, and weapons classes.

I (Bryn) will tell you a secret: I trained MMA for seven years, and when I write authentic hand to hand fight scenes, they sound dull too. 

The problem with fight scenes in books is that trying to describe each punch and kick and movement (especially if it’s the only thing you’re describing) creates a fight that feels like it’s in slow motion. 

I write…

Lowering her center of gravity, she held her right hand tight to her face and threw a jab towards his chin. He shifted his weight, ducking under her punch. His hair brushed against her fist, and he stepped forward, launching a shovel hook into her exposed side.

But your brain can only read so fast. In real life that series of events would take an instant, but I needed a full eight seconds to read and comprehend it, which gave it an inherent lethargic feel. 

So, we have two primary problems:

  1. How do we describe this fight in a way the reader can understand and keep track of? 
  2. How do we maintain a fast paced, interesting fight once we’ve broken down the fight far enough for readers to understand it? 

(We will get back to these, I promise.) But for now, let’s look at…

Different types of “fight scenes:”

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A Detailed List of Candles

I thought I would type up an extremely detailed list of candles today.

Of course you have you basic chime candles, but there is so much more! Here I’ll begin with the basic candle colors then go down through the list.

White: Protection, purification, peace, truth, binding, sincerity, chastity, happiness, exorcism, spirituality, tranquillity, can be used in any ritual, new begins, banishing, uncrossing, road opening. planetary magick, working with spiritual guides/assistants/friends.

Red: Protection, strength, health, energy, sexual attraction,vigor, lust, sex, passion, courage, exorcism, love, power, woman mysteries, mother goddess, Fire and working with its spirits, destruction, and masculinity.

Black: Absorbing and destroying negativity, creating negativity, jinxes, tricks, curses, protection, healing, banishing, attracting money, work with psychopomps, Crone, breaking addiction, astral travel, and spells to work with the spirits of the night. 

Blue: Understanding tranquillity, great for healing, meditation, patience, happiness, overcoming depression, work with spirits of the air, sky deities, rain spells, change, flexibility, subconscious mind, psychic powers, healing, water, ocean spells, and working with the Crone

Green: Earth, plants, healing, grounding, working with the Mother, working with the Hunter, money, finance, fertility, prosperity, growth, good luck, employment, beauty, youth, success in gardening, and gambling.

Gray: Neutrality, cancellation, stalemate, working with ghost, opening the veil, finding hidden things, psychic powers, and waxing & waning moon magick

Yellow: Color of air, charm, attraction, study, persuasion, confidence, divination, good fortune, psychic powers, wisdom, vision, sleep, health, metabolism, raising vibrations, and the mind.

Brown: Working with animals, healing animals, home, the hearth, and justice and legal work.

Pink: Love, honor, fidelity, morality, friendship, attraction, emotional healing, glamour, and self love.

Orange: Adaptability, stimulation, attraction, encouragement, legal matters, Solar magick, creativity, and spirituality.

Purple: Power, healing severe disease, spirituality, medication, exorcism, ambition, business progress, tension relief, command, compel, and control spells, and domination.

Most of these things have come from Kitchen Witchery by Marilyn F. Daniel, but then I have continued to add on as I’ve continued my path. I highly recommend the book if you are pagan or Wiccan.

I am going to leave out colors like gold, silver, and copper. I feel like those are very self explanatory. If they’re not reblog and I’ll type up another detailed list.

Now on to candle shape

Multiple day candles

Seven day candles! These candles are often called vigil or prayer candles. You can go to your local Botanica and buy some or you can order them.

Traditional these candles are prayed over and burned sequentially through out seven days. They are typically one shade, so use the list above to determine what you need it for. These candles are often dressed (anointed), by being removed from the glass and being carved, being drilled into, through the wax, and being stuffed full of herbs. They also sell different sizes of these candles, like an 128 hour candle. If you have a working deity like for example Hecate, you can then buy one of these monstrous candles and dedicate it to her, and save yourself some money. Don’t worry she’ll approve of the usage, but you can also find these candles with the name of the Orisha or a specific condition you wish to bring about. These candles also come as dressed or undress spell candles. You can by a vigil candle call Follow me boy/girl! or Lucky 7/ 7/11 candles, and etc. There are so many out and to truly write about each one deserves a separate post.

Then there is the famous seven or nine knobbed candle. These candles are often dressed and then prayed over for the amount of knobs there are. (If there is nine knobs then you burn a knob a day).

Figurine Candles

Adam and Eve/Lady and Gentleman  candles

These candles are simple suppose to be representative of a person. If you typically make wax poppets, I highly recommend being a lady and gentleman candle or the Adam and Eve candles. The only difference is one group is naked and the other is fully clothed. These are candles used when the spell is suppose to target a person or yourself. Carve your name/persons name on the bottom, and dress the candles. These candles come in a variety of shades, so again use the list above when selecting a candle. Two of these candles (same gender or opposite gender) can be tied together and burned to make two parties fall in love with each other. You can also burn each candle bit by bit to bring two people together, as you move the candles together in a line towards each other. 

Bride and Groom candles

These candles are designed to be used in relationship work. Blue can be used to smooth out any relationships, black for cursing and serration work, red for passion and love, pink for fidelity and love, white for marriage, spirituality, and new beginnings for a couple. I do not know when they began to sell these candles, but there are also Bride and Bride candles, and Groom and Groom candles! If you can not find one of these candles either use an Adam/Gentleman with an Eve/Lady, Eve/Lady with an Eve/Lady, or an Adam/Gentleman with an Adam/Gentleman candle for the relationship work. Just burn them side by side. I recommend using the Lady and Gentlemen candles for this purpose. 

Lover Candle and Heart Candle

These candles are mainly used in love magick. Lover candles are often used to instill passion, and Heart candles can be used in all forms of magickal love working!

Divorce Figurine Candle

Pretty self explanatory. Used to end a relationship between two parties, but also can be used to end a relationship that you are end. If one party is unwilling to move you can burn a divorce figurine (to remove them physically) and preform a cord cutting (getting rid of their emotional and spiritual connection to you) to get them out of your life. I would like to note, that if you are reading this and are in abusive relationship and think about preforming one of these spell, please reach out to those around you and call the police, and head to your friends house or local woman’s shelter. They have resources to help you deal with the abuse. Magick can help us in so many ways, but we must be the active parties to help ourselves.

Gargoyle Candle

Used for protection and I often use this candle to work with my protective spirit friends. I often have a giggle when I order this candle. I order this candle from Lucky Mojo and they have it labeled with “Gothic Cuteness”. I love that company!

Two tone candles

These candles often have two types of wax, and typically deal with removal of a curse. You will see these sold as double action or reversal. You have red and black (reversal or send back to sender), green and black (removal of a money jinx), and red and black (removal of love jinx).

Master Candle or Master Hand Candle

These are extremely powerful candles. These bring about conditions, and are unforgiving. Make sure to be careful for what you use them for. They come in many different shades, so refer to the list of colors above when choosing one.

I don’t necessarily uses all of these candles, but as the saying in my group goes. Knowledge is a witch’s truest power, because if we understand we can move and bend what stand in our way. 

I don’t remember where most of this information as comes from since it is coming out of my spell book. A lot of this information as been passed from mouth to mouth and passed on to me. I hope this helps everyone move forward in their craft or at least I hope it provides a good read!

oh, shit, people actually asked me to follow up on Preaching The Good Word of A Functional Alignment System, okay

i hope you people know what you’re unleashing here

(whole thing prompted by this right here, notably including the tag #unpopular opinion: the definition of lawful and chaotic has been thoroughly twisted over the years since od&d)

So some of you (the ones who didn’t request this) might be wondering: “Alterz, why would you want to go back to the old alignment method? If people generally agree on the new alignment definitions then why confuse things by trying to change them? Is this just some old system nostalgia?”

Well 1) I’m too young by far for old system nostalgia but more importantly 2) people don’t? agree????? on the alignments???????

And that’s a problem, because the whole point of the alignments is to give some rough guidelines on how any given character is likely to act. It should be inarguable. The very fact that people can have arguments over what an alignment is means that the system has failed.

If you look in the alignment section on the more recent D&D editions, they literally have to go into detail on each alignment to explain what each one means. Worse still, for a system theoretically set up as a gradient, the different alignments are basically buckets and it gets really confusing if a character doesn’t neatly fit into one of those buckets.

Some examples from characters I have actually played: a mercenary who I labeled as neutral because I could make equally compelling arguments for why he should be lawful neutral, chaotic neutral, neutral good, and neutral evil. A hermit who at any given time was chaotic neutral or neutral good, but could never reliably be described as chaotic good.

Under the system I’m about to provide you, the mercenary is inarguably chaotic neutral and the hermit is unambiguously lawful good. End of sentence, all cleared up.

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Closet Softie

Or, How Bucky Barnes Nearly Ruined His Tough-Guy Rep

(On AO3)


The trail mix was gone. 

The nice, expensive trail mix, with twelve kinds of nuts and the big sunflower seeds and dried fruits, the kind Tony only rarely left sitting on the common floors for everyone to get at, was gone. 

Clint had been looking forward to that stuff all morning

All the way through a hellish morning “jog” with Steve, all through Nat handing him his ass on the training mats, all through firing the same batch of misweighted arrows over and over so Tony could take scans and fix the design, he’d been thinking, when this is done I get to go upstairs and hang out on the couch and watch Dog Cops and eat the good trail mix, guilt-free. 

And it was gone.

Clint was gonna shoot somebody.

Just as soon as he figured out who’d taken the trail mix.


kingofmemes posted:

yesterday i saw a sad duck in the park who kept getting picked on by the other ducks so today i brought some trail mix and we had a nice lunch together. also i think he might be the duck who pooped on sam last week. if so, he is officially my new best friend. 

Posted at 3:29 PM, 24379 notes

(Read More Below)


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theguardian.com
Ten things I learned about writing from Stephen King
The novelist James Smythe, who has been analysing the work of Stephen King for the Guardian since 2012, on the lessons he has drawn from the master of horror fiction
By James Smythe

Stephen King is an All-Time Great, arguably one of the most popular novelists the world has ever seen. And there’s a good chance that he’s inspired more people to start writing than any other living writer. So, as the Guardian and King’s UK publisher Hodder launch a short story competition – to be judged by the master himself – here are the ten most important lessons to learn from his work.

1. Write whatever the hell you like

King might be best known – or, rather, best regarded – as a writer of horror novels, but really, his back catalogue is crammed with every genre you can think of. There are thrillers (Misery, Gerald’s Game), literary novels (Bag Of Bones, Different Seasons), crime procedurals (Mr Mercedes), apocalypse narratives (The Stand), fantasy (Eyes Of The Dragon, The Dark Tower series) … He’s even written what I think of as being one of the greatest Young Adult novels of all time: The Long Walk. Perhaps the only genre or audience he hasn’t really touched so far is comedy, but most of his work features moments that show his deft touch with humour. It’s clear that King does what he wants, when he wants, and his constant readers – the term he calls his, well, constant readers – will follow him wherever he goes.

2. The scariest thing isn’t necessarily what’s underneath the bed

Horror is a curious thing. What scares one person won’t necessarily scare another. And while there might be moments in his horror novels that tread towards the more conventional ideas of what some find terrifying, for the most part, the truly scary aspects are those that deal with humanity itself. Ghosts drive people to madness, telekinetic girls destroy whole towns with their powers, clowns … well, clowns are just bloody terrifying full stop. But the true crux of King’s ability to scare is finding the thing that his readers are actually worried about, and bringing that to the fore. If you’re writing horror, don’t just think about what goes bump in the night; think about what that bump might drive people to do afterwards.

3. Don’t be scared of transparency

One of my favourite things about King’s short story collections are the little notes about each tale that he puts into the text. The history of them, the context for the idea, how the writing process actually worked. They’re not only invaluable material for aspiring writers – because exactly how many drafts does it take to reach a decent story? King knows! – but they’re also brilliant nuggets of insight into King himself. Some people might think that it’s better off knowing nothing about authors when they read their work, but for King, his heart is on his sleeve. In his latest collection, The Bazaar of Broken Dreams, King gets more in-depth than ever, talking about what inspired the stories in such an honest way that it couldn’t have come from another writer’s pen. Which brings us to …

4. Write what you know. Sort of. Sometimes

Write what you know is the most common writing tip you’ll find anywhere. It’s nonsense, really, because if we all did that we’d end up with terribly boring novels about writers staring out of windows waiting for inspiration to hit. (If you like those, incidentally, head straight for the literary fiction section of your nearest bookshop.) But King understands that experience is something which can be channelled into your work, and should be at every opportunity. Aspects of his life – addiction, teaching, his near-fatal car accident, rock and roll, ageing – have cropped up in his work over and over, in ways that aren’t always obvious, but often help to drive the story. That’s something every writer can use, because it’s through these truths that real emotions can be writ large on the page.

5. Aim big. Or small

King’s written some mammoth books, and they’re often about mammoth things. The Stand takes readers into an apocalypse, with every stage of it laid out on the page until the final fantastical showdown. It deals with a horror that hits a group of characters twice in their lives, showing us how years and years of experience can change people. And The Dark Tower is a seven (or eight, or more, if you count the short stories set in its world) part series that takes in so many different genres of writing it’s dizzying. When he needs to, King aims really big, and sometimes that’s what you have to do to tell a story. At the other end of the spectrum, some of King’s most enduring stories – Rita Hayworth & Shawshank Redemption, The Mist – have come from his shorter works. He traps small groups of characters in single locations and lets the story play out how it will. The length of the story you’re telling should dictate the size of the book. Doesn’t matter if it’s forty thousand words or two hundred, King doesn’t waste a word.

6. Write all the time. And write a lot

King’s published – wait for it – 55 novels, 11 collections of stories, 5 non-fiction works, 7 novellas and 9 assorted other pieces (including illustrated works and comic books). That’s over a period of 41 years. That’s an average of two books a year. Which is, I must admit, a pretty giddying amount. That’s years of reading (or rereading, if you’re as foolishly in awe of him as I am). But he’s barely stopped for breath. This year has seen three books published by him, which makes me feel a little ashamed. Still, at my current rate of writing, I might catch up with him sometime next century. And while not every book has found the same critical and commercial success, they’ve all got their fans.

7. Voice is just as important as content

King’s a writer who understands that a story needs to begin before it’s actually told. It begins in the voice of the novel: is it first person, or third? Is it past or present tense? Is it told through multiple narrators, or just the one? He’s a master at understanding exactly why each story is told the way it’s told. Sure, he might dress it up as something simple – the story finding the voice it needs, or vice versa – but through his books you can see that he’s tried pretty much everything, and can see why each voice worked with the story he was telling.

8. And Form is just as important as voice

King isn’t really thought of as an experimental novelist, which is grossly unfair. Some of King’s more daring novels have taken on really interesting forms. Be it The Green Mile’s fragmented, serialised narrative; or the dual publication of The Regulators and Desperation – novels which featured the same characters in very different situations, with unsettling parallels between the stories that unfolded for them; or even Carrie’s mixed-media narrative, with sections of the story told as interview or newspaper extract. All of these novels have played with the way they’re presented on the page to find the perfect medium for telling those stories. Really, the lesson here from King is to not be afraid to play.

9. You don’t have to be yourself

Some of King’s greatest works in the early years of his career weren’t published by King himself. They were in the name of Richard Bachman, his slightly grislier pseudonym. The Long Walk, Thinner, The Running Man – these are books that dealt with a nastier side of things than King did in his properly attributed work. Because, maybe it’s good to have a voice that allows us to let the real darkness out, with no judgments. (And then maybe, as King eventually did in The Dark Half, it’s good to kill that voice on the page … )

10. Read On Writing. Now

This is the most important tip in the list. In 2000, King published On Writing, a book that sits in the halfway space between autobiography and writing manual. It’s full of details about his process, about how he wrote his books, channelled his demons and overcame his challenges. It’s one of the few books about writing that are actually worth their salt, mainly because it understands that it’s about a personal experience, and readers might find that useful. There’s no universal truths when it comes to writing. One person’s process would be a nightmare for somebody else. Some people spend years labouring on nearly perfect first drafts; some people get a first draft written in six weeks, and then spend the next year destroying it and rebuilding it. On Writing tells you how King does it, to help you to find your own. Even if you’re not a fan of his books, it’s invaluable to the in-development writer. Heck, it’s invaluable to all writers.

Sexting (Jimin smut)

Originally posted by minblush


Summary: On a lonely night, you decide to sign up for an anonymous sexting site. Of course you are matched with the notorious fuckboy you’re constantly trying to avoid. Park fucking Jimin.

Themes: Sexting, Fuckboy Jimin, College AU.

Pairing: You x Jimin

Word Count: 4k

This fic contains: Explicit and graphic depictions of smut, sex over the phone, swearing. 


ENTER USERNAME:

Cleopatra123

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

Male/Female

WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

I’d rather not say/enter here:

WHAT ARE YOU INTERESTED IN?

Decent conversation/making friends/finding a language buddy/other

PLEASE INDICATE YOUR AGE PREFERANCE:

19-24

CLICK ‘CHAT’ TO BE MATCHED WITH A PARTNER!

YOU HAVE BEEN MATCHED WITH ‘THOR562’.

THOR562: 21 years old- Seoul, South Korea- also interested in ‘other’.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO CHAT?

Yes/No

YOU ARE NOW IN A CHAT WITH THOR562, ENJOY!


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masterpost of iconic lines/moments in Froot (2015) by Marina and the Diamonds

Happy: 

  • when the chorus effect starts on the line “melted away like I was free” and my soul escaped my body, went to hell, and was immediately forgiven by the benevolent god that is marina diamandis
  • “I realize to be happy, maybe I need a little company” and I started crying one minute and forty seconds into the album
  • the sheer force with which my head was ejected from my body when she hits the high note on “I believe someone’s watching over me”
  • the chord changes in the bridge making me feel melancholy realness, honey
  • invented the piano, invented happy songs that sound sad, invented music
  • I’ve fallen asleep crying to this song an uncountable amount of times

Froot:

  • THE FUCKING BASS RIFF IN THE FIRST TWO SECONDS which precisely and methodically severed my ear canal from my cranium
  • everything about this song
  • “ju-u-u-uice, la la la la la la la” >>> the entire discography of the rolling stones, the beatles, led zeppelin, and all of your dusty-ass “iconic” faves 
  • the sultriness of the fucking low G she hits perfectly and consistently throughout the verses
  • “but I ain’t in a patient phase” probably the most iconic modern music will get
  • the way she sings “come on fill your cup uuuuuuuUUUUUPP” shattering my femur
  • “i’ve been saving all my summers for you” assassinates all of the poetry by William Shakespeare combined
  • every part of the second verse, especially “baby I am plump and ripe, I’m pinker than shepard’s delight, sweet like honeysuckle late at night” which was better sex-ed than I received throughout my entire adolescent academic career
  • “birds and worms will come for me, the cycle of life is complete” making fucking DECOMPOSITION the sexiest thing anyone has ever said in the compendium of human history
  • The Fucking Bridge Melody that she sings well beyond the troposphere, above the stratosphere, and sitting sexily in the mesosphere
  • “oh my body is ready, yeah it’s ready, yeah it’s ready”

I’m a Ruin

  • marina single-handedly addressing the complexities of young-adult relationships with “I could treat you better but I’m not that smart”
  • the insane degree to which I scream “yeah yeah, uh huh, woo hoo, yeah yeah” at the end of the chorus, thus startling my neighbors and setting off car alarms
  • “It’s difficult to move on when nothing was right and nothing was wrong” making me spray tears out of my eyes like a machine gun
  • the way the back up vocals come in on “I’ve had my share of beautiful men, but I’m still young and I want to love again”
  • the dichotomy of “I’ll ruin you” and “I’m a ruin” are proven to be one and the same, thus ending the careers of marriage counselors across the world

Blue

  • the iconic and instantly-memorable backing track
  • the continuity between the themes of the last song with the opening line “we’ve broken up and now I regret it”
  • the FORESHADOWING of “and I don’t know why but I can’t forget it” which alludes to the themes of the NEXT song, Forget, basically proving Marina doesn’t need references to any body of literature but her own goddamn songs
  • “gimme love, gimme dreams, gimme a good self-esteem” ejecting my wig at mach 3 into another dimension
  • the sheer craftsmanship of the pre-chorus, which is perfectly catchy and memorable while refraining from cliches
  • the way the beat picks up on the chorus and I demand my non-existent ex to “gimme one more night”
  • “I’m sick of looking after you, I need a man to hold on to, I’m bored of everything we do, but I just keep coming back to you” proving marina is just as fed up with fuckboys as we are, but is just as flawed and hypocritical as us, showing her imperfections and making her more worthy of our worship
  • ending the song on the pre-chorus like the fucking INNOVATOR of MODERN MUSIC she is??? like please tell me WHEN will your fave

Forget

  • this list doesn’t include the visuals from the music videos but I will make an exception for the ICONIC wig she wears in the video
  • the vocals for “never heal” sending me into a tailspin and crashing into a ditch at 70 mph
  • 50% of the chorus is the word “forget” and it is STILL the height of modern literature
  • after her mention of an “abacus” in the second verse, abacus sales went up 2000% and surpassed their unprecedented popularity in ancient Greece
  • “yeah it’s time to be letting go, yeah baby you know what I’m talking about” probably the most iconique start to a bridge physically possible in this dimension
  • “YEAH I’VE BEEN DANCING WITH THE DEVIL I LOVE THAT HE PRETENDS TO CARE IF I’LL EVER GET TO HEAVEN WHEN A MILLION DOLLARS GETS YOU THERE OH ALL THE TIME THAT I HAVE WASTED CHASING RABBITS DOWN A HOLE WHEN I WAS BORN TO BE THE TORTOISE I WAS BORN TO WALK ALONE” is not supposed to be a high-intensity part of the song but I don’t fucking care obviously
  • the way she fucking develops the lyrics of the chorus throughout the song and makes each line the best life lesson you ever heard??? who is this woman?????

Gold

  • by FAR the most underrated song on the album for no goddamn reason like, have you demons even listened to it?? hmmmmm????
  • i have no idea how the accompaniment was made for the song but whoever did it was a genius and needs to be remembered for the rest of time
  • “doesn’t matter long as I am your star, sta-AAARRRR” melodically groundbreaking, please take notes everyone
  • “don’t think i want what I used to want, don’t think I need what i used to need” addressing the pains of growing out of old friendships and passions in a fun approach
  • “you can’t take away the Midas touch, so you better make way for a GREEK GOLD RUSH” YES MAMA REPRESENT YOUR COUNTRY LIKE THE GODDESS YOU AAAARE
  • knew she could rhyme “El Dorado” with “Colorado” and fucking did
  • the fade out at the end of the song painting her as a con-artist or corrupt gold-dealer being hauled off to jail while reveling in the near success of her schemes is what???? I C O N I C

Can’t Pin Me Down

  • this song is direct proof that marina is a straight up motherfucking KUNT in charge of her destiny. the album is labeled as explicit because of this ONE song and only ONE line: “you might think I’m one thing, but I am another. You can’t call my bluff, TIME TO BACKUP MOTHERFUCKER” like not only is this the most badass line in the history of language, but this line was so important to her that she made the album explicit JUST FOR THIS ONE LINE. SHE IS AN ICON. END OF STORY.
  • she is a feminist! BUT! “Do you really want me to write a feminist anthem, I’m happy in the kitchen cooking dinner for my husband” proving that you do NOT know this bitch. she is nothing you think she is. except that she is an I C O N.
  • the meter of “just another girl in the twenty-first century” has me unpredictably and immeasurably shook because she is just! that! kind! of! girl!
  • “You think I’m like the others, boy you need to get your eyes che-e-e-e-e-e-ecked, che-e-e-e-e-e-e-ecked” blew the skin clean off of my face
  • “i can be your russian doll” like,,,, gag
  • the entire concept and existence of this song is revolutionary and cements her position as the strongest female artist of our generation

Solitaire

  • holy FUCK you guys love to hate amazing songs, don’t you?? this song is without a doubt one of my favorites and you fuckers have the NERVE
  • the production on this song is one of a kind and continues to prove her versatility in style on this album. any reservations you had about her from electra heart better be EVAPORATED by this point.
  • the melodies on this song are, besides Froot, the catchiest on the album for me. they are so well crafted and inventive, i am shaking
  • “hard like a rock, cold like stone, white like a diamond, black like coal, cut like a jewel, yeah I repair myself when you’re not there” is such an amazing pre-chorus for this song like it could no possibly be better than that
  • the way the mood shifts from the verse to the chorus cut off my arms with raw blunt force
  • the flourish on the line “and I’ll admit all I wanna do is get drunk and silent” gave me an aneurysm
  • holy fucking SHIT the end of the bridge is for sure a highlight on the album. “but I’m not cursed, i’m not cursed, I was just covered in dirt” like damn marina go all the way off
  • the extra-dimensional high notes on this song are second to none, babes

Better Than That

  • “You’re just another in a long line of men she screwed” is the FUCKING WAY TO START A SONG, GIRLS. ARE YOU JOTTING THIS DOWN??
  • “So why’s she looking like a cat who got the cream?” ugh marina is so perfect I cannot deal with this bitch anymore
  • the sheer vocal talent on the chorus, like how high can this girl go? someday she’s going to rupture my eardrums and I will thank her personally
  • “with an angel voice, devil in disguise” the vocal production for this is perfect and successfully made me shit myself
  • “and she’ll network till her dreams come true, even if it means getting in a bed with you” miss marina is out for BLOOD everyone, the music industry is cowering in fear of her objective talent and lack of fucks
  • “i’m not passing judgment on her sexual life, I’m passing judgement on the way she always stuck her knife in my back” whoever this woman is she is getting READ for FILTH by lady diamandis and you all need to watch your backs

Weeds

  • this song is straight out of a sappy rom-com and I am fully living for it
  • “but it keeps growing back like WEEDS” I am currently screaming please give me a moment
  • “and God knows what sex is, a way to feel a bit, a little bit less lonely” marina chose sex to be a prominent theme on this album but she has shown she can handle it in the moment mature way any woman in the industry can. it’s subtle, it’s methodical, it isn’t vulgar, it’s just straight real and honest and such an important thing to discuss! this song is another aspect of how sex can be important in our lives. she better preach tbh
  • the aesthetics can reserved character on this song are a beautiful contrast that the album needed. filler tracks who???

Savages

  • full disclosure, this song blew a hole right through my body with the sheer impact of its lyrics and chorus
  • there are so many fucking good lyrics on this song, it’s truly baffling that anyone has a career in the music industry after this was dropped
  • “I’m not afraid of God, I am afraid of man” I am Screeching
  • the first beat of the chorus, my bodily fluids are already dripping from the ceiling and my bones are crushed into a fine powder
  • “underneath it all, we’re just savages hidden behind shirts, ties, and marriages” she is prophet, the chosen one, the woman who will deliver us from our mortal coils
  • “another day, another tale of rape, another ticking bomb to bury deep and detonate” Marina is fully aware of the important problems our nation is facing at the time the album was released and even to today. she isn’t a shallow artist like the persona she created in electra heart, she has become almost the exact opposite. She is taking on these issues with a clear judgment and grace and I am so proud and appreciative of her work.
  • “are you killing for yourself or killing for your savior?” YES YOU BETTER ASSASSINATE THESE MOTHERFUCKERS
  • the buildup in the last chorus to the E T H E R E A L ending is clearly the climax of modern pop music

Immortal

  • you could play this song for me and tell me it’s a message from an angel and I would 200% believe you
  • the melody on this track is so fucking pristine it’s like a glacier melting in your mouth
  • it continues the themes of humanity from Savages but looks at a completely different issue about it. this album is cohesive, planned out, and a complete and full body of work
  • the moment the chorus hits with “I’m forever chasing after time” my limbs are being forcibly extended by a device of love and torture
  • “but if the earth ends in fire, and the seas are frozen in time, there will be just one survivor, the memory that I was yours and you were mine” ok not kidding anymore this is STRAIGHT up MOTHER fucking POETIC genius and innovation at its most concentrated and talented moment
  • when she says “twice” on the high note in the chorus, it’s like the most beautiful bell shattering in my ear, tbqh
  • THE FUCKING BRIDGE is actual art. “I just wanna be able to say the I live my life” the way she executes this melody is cold-blooded and frankly she should be charged with manslaughter for it


bottom line, Marina Diamandis released the biggest breakthrough in pop music to date in 2015 and all of you demons let it flop. if you have the nerve to call this album a failure, I have literally 0 respect for you and no one is ever going to love you

anonymous asked:

How about a semi angsty fight with the rfa+V but they make up because HAPPY ENDINGS ARE NICE

I’m a slut for angst don’t give me this power 

Yoosung: 

✮ you had accidentally knocked the power cord to his computer while you were cleaning and he was playing LOLOL 
✮ he screamed 
✮ he was ranting and raving about how he was in the middle of an important raid and he was so close to levelling up 
✮ and you’re kinda standing there with a laundry basket and a pile of clothes almost over your head 
✮ and you don’t know what to do 
✮ you kind of want to cry 
✮ you kind of want to throw the laundry at his head 
✮ until 
✮ “rika never did things like this!!”
✮ oh 
✮ of course
✮ it somehow always got back to this point. comparing you with rika 
✮ sometimes he didn’t mean it or even realise he’d done it. but this was different 
✮ you remain eerily calm, putting the laundry down before turning to glare at yoosung 
✮ a wave of realisation hits him and he’s just full of guilt 
✮ you very calmly tell him you’re going to spend the night with jaehee, and ask him not to contact you 
✮ he begins crying and pleading with you to stop and stay 
✮ he’s so sorry and he’s just hating himself while you pack an overnight bag
✮ he’s practically on his knees and following you, begging you to stay 
✮ you kind of pause when you see the raw sorrow in his face 
✮ you sigh and stop for a moment 
✮ you’re hurt but you know that you have to talk it out with yoosung for it to get better 
✮ you both talk for a few hours, and he completely understands your viewpoint and he apologises 18923475829 times 
✮ he stays off of LOLOL for a few weeks, and even after that he tries not to get too obsessed– because that’s how the whole problem started 
✮ he just doesn’t want to lose you 

Jaehee: 

✎ you just wanted her to stop working so much 
✎ she was working overtime at the cafe 
✎ so much that she practically lived there 
✎ she was there after-hours and before-hours 
✎ sometimes she slept there and wouldn’t come home 
✎ so you book a holiday for her in secret, making plans behind her back for the cafe so it can function without her
✎ you tell all the employees and the deliverers who are close with the shop 
✎ but when you sit jaehee down and announce your plan 
✎ she gets so cold 
✎ she wants none of it 
✎ she’s not overworking herself dammit 
✎ she’s just doing what needs to be done 
✎ you try telling her that she doesn’t need to coddle the cafe, that you and the other emplyees were fully capable of running it 
✎ but she’s so worked up 
✎ and she says that you can’t 
✎ you’re clearly offended and you’re upset that your hard work planning this holiday for her is being pushed aside 
✎ somehow, you get her to take the holiday and see how it pans out 
✎ she’s calling you constantly 
✎ eventually you start ignoring her calls and texts 
✎ she gets so freaked out that the cafe is literally crumbling with you in charge so she rushes home 
✎ and you’re so mad when she rushes into the cafe, only to stop when she sees everything is going as usual 
✎ “b-but you weren’t answering my calls! I thought something happened!” 
✎ “jaehee i was ignoring you because you have no trust in me and I was busy making sure you could enjoy your holiday!” you were screaming 
✎ she felt so bad 
✎ she took her vacation and came back a lot better 
✎ you two made up, and she explained that her problem came from being jumin’s assistant for so long (if she didn’t do her job everything fucked up bc jumin is horrible at his job lmao) 
✎ she was a lot more calm after that and took breaks when she needed to (even took some time off on every second weekend- when you took care of the cafe) 

Zen: 

✿ he was working 
✿ of course 
✿ his job was the root of most of your arguments as a couple 
✿ but this time he had gone out for drinks with the cast 
✿ while you were standing outside of a restaurant waiting for him- you were going to have a date since filming was wrapping up that day (which is why the cast was having drinks in the first place) 
✿ you had faith in him, and stayed there until the restaurant closed 
✿ which was very, very late in the evening, seeing as it was part bar 
✿ as you were walking home, upset 
✿ zen came stumbling out of the bar with his castmates 
✿ he doesn’t notice you at first 
✿ until one of his acting buddies points at you, not recognising you, and laughs about how you’re soaked in rain and look like you’ve had that worst day of your life 
✿ you hear him 
✿ zen chuckles slightly before looking closer and realising who it is 
✿ swears up a storm as he pushes away everyone- muttering out something like ‘ssss my girlfirendddd’ 
✿ he tries to grab you because you’re storming away 
✿ he’s trying to coo and ask you why you were out so late because he’s drunk and doesn’t remember 
✿ you slap his hands away before screaming at him 
✿ “I was waiting for you! Our date for celebrating the end of filming?! Guess you had other plans, huh?!” 
✿ he’s so shocked like 
✿ it looks like he’s been smacked in the face 
✿ he follows you all the way home, apologising profusely 
✿ you make him sleep on the couch and lock yourself in the bedroom 
✿ when he wakes up the next morning he remembers, even through his wicked hangover 
✿ he cooks an amazing breakfast and waits for you to come out 
✿ when you do he hands you flowers with a card about how sorry he is
✿ he swears that he’ll make it up to you- and never let it happen ever again 

Jumin: 

₩ he was planning on properly introducing you to his father 
₩ but he was getting so controlling 
₩ he literally dressed you and did your hair and practically gave you a lecture on how to act and what to say 
₩ you’re kind of pissed at him but try to understand that he’s just stressed about how his father will react 
₩ his father loves you, and you loosen up- begin to be yourself 
₩ his father leaves after blessing your relationship together 
₩ but jumin is fuming 
₩ ‘what were you doing?! I told you not to say this or that’ blah blah 
₩ you’re just so shocked 
₩ “jumin that’s not who I am!” 
₩ “that’s who you should be!” 
₩ silence. 
₩ jumin has never been afraid of anything 
₩ but he’s afraid of this silence and the tears that are slipping down your cheeks 
₩ he’s afraid of what he said. he’s afraid of himself 
₩ he stumbles over his words as he tries to apologise, saying that isn’t what he meant 
₩ you can’t hear him though, all you can hear is his previous words echoing through your head 
₩ you tell him you’re sleeping in the guest room that night- the only thing you said before locking him out 
₩ when you get up the next morning 
₩ you open the door and see jumin sitting on the ground agains the wall next to your door, elizabeth pulled to his chest 
₩ his eyes were puffy and his cheeks and nose red 
₩ he had a note next to him that he hadn’t finished 
₩ it read ‘I’m sorry’ over and over, tear stains smudging some of the letters 
₩ you sigh, and kneel down to wake him up 
₩ he explains that he thought his father wouldn’t accept you unless you were like the other women and he didn’t want his father to come between your relationship anymore than he already had with the Sarah bullshit 
₩ and you make up but he spends so long reassuring you that he loves you so much, just the way you are 

Seven/Saeyoung: 

✞ he was doing it again
✞ he was trying to push you away 
✞ someone had approached you while you were on the street, asking about a ‘707′ 
✞ when you told saeyoung he got so scared and reverted back to his old ways 
✞ trying to push you away so that you ‘wouldn’t get hurt’ 
✞ when you try to kiss his cheek he physically pushes you away (after acting hostile all day) 
✞ and you trip over his wires and fall- hitting your head on the ground 
✞ he’s shocked, you’re shocked 
✞ he reaches forward to try and help you but freezes when you flinch away 
✞ he feels like less than shit 
✞ he feels like death himself. the grim reaper- that’s him. 
✞ he watches helplessly as you stumble to your feet and rush off to the bedroom, locking yourself inside (even though Saeyoung had control over the locks) 
✞ he spends about an hour just leaning over his desk with his head in his hands, thinking over how terrible he had been 
✞ how you deserve so much better 
✞ he was unstable. he was dangerous. 
✞ you were the light. you were everything 
✞ after a while he unlocks the door and sends your robot-cat in with flowers and a note in his mouth 
✞ it’s a handwritten letter from saeyoung, telling you he was just scared 
✞ that he was so sorry. that he loved you more than he could ever understand and he didn’t know how to deal with that yet 
✞ you slowly walk out, seeing him sitting on the ground somewhere, surrounded by the mess that he’d made 
✞ he had thrown all the cushions and pillows on the couch. ripped up the first drafts of the note. he’d even knocked one of his monitors to the ground, shattering it.
✞ you sit with him and talk together 
✞ you make a plan for how you can both deal with these times better 
✞ he promises to spend his life making sure you’re as happy as you can be 

V/Jihyun:

☼ i’m so sorry but i don’t want to hurt this precious roll 

Hexed

Characters:  Dean x Reader, Sam

Summary:  Reader and Dean are…you guessed it…hexed.  Is it a sexual curse or something more?

Word Count:  2111

Warnings:  Lots of language, lots of smut (rough-ish smut)

As always, feedback is appreciated.  Tags are at the bottom.

Originally posted by holy-fucking-damn-shit

Hexed 

There is a time and place for everything, this is neither the time nor the place. Not for Dean to be looking at me like that, no sir. Had I always hoped he’d fix those ethereal green eyes on me that way? My mama didn’t raise a liar, so I’m not going to lie to you. Yeah, I want that man to fix those eyes on me just like that. Wanted him to for a long time now. There’s a lot of things I want from Dean Winchester.  That man is a walking wet dream, sex on bow-legs.

Things is, he’s not supposed to be looking at me like that. Sure as hell not right this very minute.  It’s not part of the plan. We’re working a fucking case for god’s sake. I’m not talking about research or footwork, interviewing and investigating. We are legitimately standing in this room right the fuck now and a motherfucking witch was just here with us. There is a blade in my hand and a gun in his. We had a job to do, one goddamn job.

Now that bitch of a witch is gone. Poof, vanished, adios amigos, just fucking gone. She mumbled some shifty spell work and now Dean fucking Winchester is looking like he wants to screw my brains out.

I’m looking right back at him and I got the same look in my eye.  

I don’t know what that piece of shit did to us, but my breasts are heavy, achy. My nipples are straining against the fabric of my bra and if somebody doesn’t touch them right this very instant and relieve that pressure, I’m going to scream. Or come. I don’t know which.  

There’s a burning in between my thighs, I’m squeezing them together hoping to ease some of the pressure but it’s only making it worse. Times infinity. My skin is all heat and fire, I’m consumed by need and lust.

Dean is a mirror, his eyes reflect back at me the same fever I’m feeling. I can see his cock - Jesus fucking Christ - swelling and straining against those blue denim jeans. In three short steps his crossed the room, a strangled sound leaving his lips before his lips press to mine. Our weapons clatter to the ground making one hell of a racket, but I give no fucks.

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The Fun Process of Imprinting

Originally posted by miss-rosalie-hale

IMAGINE: You are the adopted child of the Cullens and you learn the hard way you are Paul Lahote’s imprint.

NOT MY GIF

“You coming Y/N?” One of your brothers yells at you.

Rolling your eyes, you say goodbye to your friends and turn around. Your third oldest brother smiled as you made your way over to him and the rest of your siblings.

“You guys are really impatient, you know that right?” You tease Emmett, softly slugging his arm. His wife, rather, one of your sisters, grabbed you by the hand and led you into the car.

“Carlisle wants to see us right away. Esme called us and said it was an emergency.”

Your eyebrows immediately scrunch together as you pile into the family’s car. Alice starts up the vehicle as the rest of you try not to worry about what your father wanted to talk to you guys about.

“It’s probably nothing,” Jasper tried to soothe you. 

Your emotions were coming off strong as you tried suppressing your fear. He leaned across Emmett (Both of your sisters sat in the front as Rosalie called shotgun!) and took your hand in his.

Despite him having problems with blood and humans, your brother taught himself to familiarize your scent ever since you were a child. It didn’t affect him as bad as Bella did or the others did.

Seeing that you were still stressing out, Jasper began to manipulate your emotions until you felt calmer. Sending him a smile, you nod your head in thanks.

“Let’s see how much trouble we’re in now,” Emmett muttered as Alice pulled into the driveway of the house.

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The Tree That Outsmarted Me and Punched Me in the Face

Ok so this one isn’t so much wild as it is ‘Rekina what the heck do you think you’re doing sit down this instant’ kinda deal.

Our story begins back when I worked retail.

Alrighty so quick update. The part of Saskatchewan where I live is flat. I don’t mean mildly ho hum flat I mean flat ok like the nearest slight incline(besides the dump) is nearly a fifteen minute drive. ok flat as a ruler

And because of this intense flatness we get some equally intense wind. The last few days we’ve had winds upwards of 90km (55mph) and that’s a pretty normal seen it all before kind of wind storm. Nothing out of the ordinary. But then sometimes we get even worse winds called plough winds. Now, these are sometimes hurricane force winds ok windy as all get out

These winds make a straight path across the prairies, ripping roofs off, uprooting trees, and causing general havoc ok

there’s a reason they are called plough winds they plough over everything in sight like a bull in a china shop it has zero regard for your average home or retail employee like myself

Plough winds only show their ugly faces during the summer. and in summers I worked in the garden center. 

Now, normal people would stay indoors during winds like this. Common, sesnible people would hunker down and batten down the hatches and wait for the whole thing to blow over. Not me. Not only was I at work

I was outside

That’s right folks yours truly still had to go out and water the plants in winds fast enough to shut down most cities

So there I am in my oversized rain jacket that I was practically swimming in. This thing trailed along the ground it was so big on me. I have my garden hose on and am doing my thing

First of all, do you have any idea how hard it is to water plants when the water comes out of the hose and just kinda shoots off into the distance

It’s an acquired skill to say the least k I was standing like two feet to the side of the plant I actually wanted to water

Now if that wasn’t annoying enough i also have to deal with these jerks of trees

At the back of the center is our tree selection. I’d tied them down with the full stregnth of my scout knot tying knowledge and most of them stayed secure. But there was three little jerks on the very end that would tip over, making me go and pick them up again

This happened every ten seconds.

I would go, water a plant, and then drop everyhting to pick up these stupid trees

I did this for five hours straight

Then one time while I’m picking up a fallen ash, this little apple tree gets cheeky and topples down right on top of my head.

It didn’t hurt, but those leaves are like little whips in the wind my whole face was stinging by the time I got the jerk set up right again

This tree was about to become a very big problem

See when the other trees tipped over they would politely lay in place until i could reach them, still tethered loosely to the pole. But not this apple tree oh no

Little did i know i was dealing with Houdini Incarnated into a tree.

So I’m minding my buisness watering a plant from a distance and I happen to see Houdini take the fall. Except this time something was different. This time it not only fell, but it started to roll

It had somehow jumped the little enclosure and slipped the bonds

Im still pretty chill at this point. The whole center is surrounded by a fence where could it possibily go I’ll just go get it when it hits the fence right?

Wrong.

Because I was dealing with an escape artist ok what happens next had nothing to do with me

See off in one corner we had this pile of manure right near the fence. 

This tree my little Houdini was chugging towards it at full speed, those little leaves were like sails it was just a’cruisin down aisles of bricks. It’s fine tho it’ll hit the manue and–

It hit the manure alright

It rolled up the manure pile 

and over the fence

So now The Little Tree That Could was barreling around on the highway like a phsychotic leafy bat out of hell

My first thought is if that hits someone im so fired

I scream and drop the hose and begin my pursuit because I am not getting fired over an apple tree ok no sire im going down with my dignity

So i do the only logial thing in my head

Most people would run through the open get four feet behind them and calmly make their way to the highway. Not me

I sprinted across the compound, scrambled up the manue pile, and vaulted the fence

For one glorious moment I thought I could fly.

And then I plunged downwards with a very undignified squeal.

Still I splash down into the ditch and prepare to make my heroic capture

Problem: I had just landed chest deep in slough.

For those of you lucky souls who don’t know what a slough is let me explain

A slough is what happens when stagnat water, cow crap, cow piss, and crop fertilizer mix and heat up in the sun. Doesn’t smell good.

And I just landed chest deep in the stuff. Gross doesn’t even begin to cover it

But being the trooper I am i decide I’m going to end this day on a high note and salvage my dignity

I heave myself out of the slough and take off after the tree which is dancing around the thankfully empty highway

Just one issue: Plough Winds tend to change direction

So there I am chasing this freaking apple tree around in circles and it’s winning ok every time I get close to grabbing the trunk of branch the wind throws it in another direction leaving me stumbling like a drunk moose as I try to adjust course 

This goes on for a solid twenty minutes

I’m back and forth across this highway cursing enough to make a sailor blush

And then victory is in sight my fingers graze the trunk and–

the wind stops

The base of the tree is so heavy with water that It sits straight up and whacks me across the face harder than Dwayne Johnson ever could

My momentum throws me forward, my foot catches the pot

and I sail head first into the next slough

I am now covered in disgusting, thick, sticky water and that tree is just taunting me on the road

Eventually I manage to snag the little jerk and I start dragging it back towards the compound like oh yeah who the boss? i’m the boss i caught the tree 

Just as I see  two more trees making a break for it over the fence

It was a long end of shift to say the least

I had a black eye from that tree for a week and a lovely bleeding cut on my forehead. But i caught it and I am still proud of that to this day

anonymous asked:

Please bombard me with Pining Sherlock fics. I need some.

You asked for it, you got it Nonny! This is literally my favourite trope in the entirety of existence. I have a tonne of fics, and I’m still sorting all of my bookmarks, so I probably still have more to add. I had SO MANY TO PUT ON THIS LIST, that I had to remove links to the authors, because Tumblr kept deleting all my links. So yes, over 150 fics here below, all from mostly Sherlock’s POV (@holmesthesociopath, this should help with your ask as well until I finish the list of Sherlock POV fics for you)!

Because I’ve been working on this list for over 6 months, please advise me of any broken links and I will do my best to find them again for you!

Get ready to have your face ripped off 🙃

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

“You bake when you’re stressed and sometimes you give me cookies, but recently you’re giving me whole baskets each day, now I’m not complaining but are you okay?” au sterek? <3

OK, I wrote you a quick little thing. :)

now also on ao3

*

When Derek shows up at Stiles’ back door that morning with a basket full of about three dozen cookies, all carefully iced to look like Batman and Spider-Man, Stiles doesn’t say anything. He just gets up from the kitchen table and opens the screen door, and then he looks down at the basket for a long, long moment, and then he rubs the heels of his hands into his eyes and groans.

He looks kind of… unkempt. He’s wearing the same sweatpants and lacrosse hoodie he’d had on two days ago when Derek saw him at his mailbox, and his hair is sticking up everywhere, and it’s obvious he hasn’t shaved in a while because there’s some actual stubble there. Derek didn’t think Stiles was even capable of facial hair. It only adds to his attractiveness, but still, Derek can’t help but be concerned.

Derek doesn’t usually start conversations, but today he feels like making an exception. “Are you okay? This is a lot more baking than usual, even for you.”

“What? What do you mean?” Stiles says, dropping his hands to his sides. His face cycles through about five or six different expressions before settling on something that’s probably trying to say “innocent and oblivious,” but… well. Derek might not know Stiles that well, but he knows Stiles is definitely not either of those things, ever.

“The cookies,” Derek says slowly. “That you leave on my doorstep a few times a week while I’m out on my morning run.”

Stiles glares down at the cookies Derek’s holding like they’ve betrayed him.

“We don’t talk about it,” Derek says slowly, unsure, “but I thought you knew that I knew it was you. I mean, no one else in the neighborhood even talks to me.”

Keep reading

Aisles [m]

Aisle Three

Summary: Jungkook was your best friend. You held onto his secrets. And he knew all of yours. Except for one. One that would change your friendship forever. You were in love with him.

Pairing: Reader x Jungkook

Genre: bestfriend!au, college!au, angst, smut

Word Count: 5,802

Originally posted by sugutie

Aisle One Aisle Two Aisle Three

Surprisingly, it was easy for you to lie yourself and to everyone around you. Flashing a smile anytime someone around you asked you how you were doing. The layers of concealer under your eyelids hiding more than the lack of sleep. You tried to keep yourself busying, burying yourself under piles of books and notes to occupy your mind with anything but Jungkook and how he wrinkled his nose when he smiled.

 In a very strange way you found solace in the amount of schoolwork that was piling up in the pages of your planner. Exams, research papers, and presentations were keeping you out of the house and inside the walls of the library. You were regretting your schedule for this semester, but with the MCAT looming you couldn’t afford to take any risks. Medical school was the light at the end of the tunnel, and not even a bunny toothed boy was enough to keep you distracted.

 Hoseok however, had a problem with the fact that you should probably start paying rent to the librarian. He missed you, constantly sending you reminders to eat and drink water during the hours you were studying. You had regretted the night you told him that you hadn’t eaten since 7 in the morning and 45 minutes later a freckled teenager came into the library with the largest bag of Chinese takeout you had ever seen. And your name was scribbled on the front.

Y/N 9:35 PM: Hobi, I appreciate the thought but can you please stop sending me food while I am in the library.

Hoseok 9: 47 PM: I’ll stop sending you food when you actually sleep in your bed, for once

Sighing, you throw your phone back down on the table. He had a point. You hadn’t slept underneath sheets in weeks. By the time you got home from school you were too tired to make it your bedroom. Every morning waking up regretting the fact that you had decided to buy the lumpiest couch known to man. You knew that this wouldn’t last. That eventually you wouldn’t be able to hide behind the excuses of academics to avoid having a life. You were going to burn out.

But two days later you found yourself in the same position.

Keep reading

husband highs — tom h.

Originally posted by tsseract

author’s note: GUYS IM SCREAMING because i hit 1k and wow i just wanted to thank you guys by posting something. i love YOU THANK YOU FOR READING MY STUFF and since i never leave a link to my masterlist i thought i should this time so here it is.  → masterlist


  • tom would be the most extra fiance ever like he wouldn’t ever not talk about how he’s engaged to the most beautiful girl ever
  • LOL WHO AM I KIDDING HE’D SAY YOU GUYS ARE MARRIED
  • especially in interviews like he’d be on press tour to promote his movie and the interviewer would slip in a congratulatory and tom would be like
    • “thank you, thank you so much, really. i’m happy, my wife is amazing”
  • and the interviewer would be like tf i thought this kid was engaged
    • “it says here you announced your engagement yester-”
    • “WE’RE MARRIED”
  • and you’d always tell tom that he couldn’t go around telling people you two were married when you two JUST GOT ENGAGED
  • it was sending mixed signals everywhere
  • especially since tom liked to wear a ring on his wedding finger
  • he’d just wanted everyone to know that he was taken because if you had a ring showing the entire world that you were his, why couldn’t he have one to show off he was yours???
  • it was the cutest thing ever and it never failed to make you smile whenever you saw his hand 
  • anyways since he had to finish filming a movie and do a press tour you guys decided that your wedding would be after he finished both
  • that’s probably one of the reasons he couldn’t shut up about you to everyone because he was SO EXCITED
  • while he was away he’d always facetime you
  • sometimes he’d be so hyper
    • “HI MY BEAUTIFUL GIRL GUESS WHAT TODAY IS??
    • “it’s the second-”
    • “THAT’S RIGHT WE GET MARRIED IN 184 DAYS”

Keep reading

Watch Me Babygirl [pt.2]

A much requested part two! 

[previous part] [next part] [pt.4] [pt.5] [pt.6] [pt.7] [pt.8] [pt.9] [pt.10] [pt.11]  [pt.12] [pt.13] [pt.14]

Summary: Jungkook is your brother’s annoying best friend. You can’t stand him but he just can’t resist teasing you. How far will he actually go?

warnings: language


“Hey are you going to the game tonight?”

You slid farther down in your seat, doing your best to continue to ignore Jungkook. You hadn’t been able to look him in the eye all week. In fact, you’d even contemplated faking an illness to stay home from school just so you could avoid him. However, school was important to you and a small part of you didn’t want to give the Jungkook the satisfaction of knowing that he’d gotten to you. He had though, and he knew it.

Keep reading

Side Chick

*credit to gif owner. I was sent this

A/N: Also thank you to @iknowyoufeelme for helping me brainstorm a few ideas for this imagine.

   Calum was walking an appropriate distance in front of you as you discreetly trailed behind him. Your mood at the moment was not the happiest and you were trying to keep up with the tall boy as you two made your way to class. You knew the rules of being a side chick. Never interact in public especially when Calum’s girlfriend was around, never fall for the guy you’re sleeping with, and always keep things on the down low. You’ve heard of stories where things had gone wrong and you wanted to avoid that at all costs. Though you had a safety net. Being in the same class as Calum allowed you to talk to him in public, using class work as an excuse to talk with him outside of your hook up time. “Calum,” you timidly said, trying to get his attention and weaving through the crowd as you came up close behind him. “Calum,” you repeated, reaching out to pinch at his arm only for him to pay attention to your next words. “Are we going to the frat party tonight?” you asked. The words came out loud and Calum’s head whipped around, his eyebrow rose, and he gave you a once over. Then he turned back around and continued his trek to the 1pm class. It was the action he gave when he shrugged someone off which is what he had just done to you.

Your pace quickened and soon you were walking beside him. “It was a yes or no question so don’t shrug me off,” you said in a strong voice. Entering inside the building for the Psych 102 class. Calum glanced around at his surroundings before quickly pulling you under the staircase.

“I am going to the party, but not with you…look, Y/N don’t overstep your role. I have a girlfriend and this-” he gestured between the two of you, “This does not see the daylight. Only the darkness of your bedroom or the backseat of my car. Got it?” His words came out cold and you felt a chill run down your spine at the dark stare he was giving you. Calum’s eyebrows rose in question. You swallowed hard and nodded. 

“Got it,” you whispered, almost feeling your breath being sucked out of you as Calum left. Rule number three: don’t catch feelings. That was hard not to do. Sure you enjoyed the sex, but after hooking up with Calum so many times how could you not fall for him? His girlfriend was getting everything you wanted. Calum was emotionally and sexually available for her, but of course there had to be something wrong with his relationship if he was seeking sex from you. You waited a couple of minutes before walking out from under the staircase. Minutes later you entered the classroom and sat two rows and one spot away in front of Calum. No contact whatsoever. 

You chin rested in the palm of your hand as you scribbled down some notes that were written up on the slide. You felt yourself begin to doze off and your eyes landed on the clock rested above the whiteboard. A small groan left your lips as you realized there was still fifteen minutes left of class. Throughout the whole lesson your instructor had been rambling on about dreams connection to memory. You had gone into your own thoughts. Thinking mostly of Calum and how you felt about being in the situation that you were in. Your head tilted to the side and you took a glance at the Kiwi boy. Calum looked bored with the lesson. He was leaning back in his seat with crossed arms and an expression you couldn’t quite read. You felt a tap on your shoulder and your attention was brought to the person sitting next to you. You stared at the guy and your mind raced to place a name to the face. “Hey are you going to the Alpha Omega frat party tonight?” he asked. Eric Knight, you thought to yourself. The two of you had often talked, but it had never gone more then at least five sentences to one another.

“Uh maybe not. I have a ten page paper to write for English,” you lied. Truth was you had finished that paper three days ago, but you remembered Calum saying that he was going to be at the party with his girlfriend. Him being at the party with her meant that you couldn’t attend. Rule number six: never be in the same location as the main chick.

“Awe come on! You’re the life of the party without you there it’d just be bleh,” Eric smiled, playfully nudging you in the side. You chuckled at his words and shrugged your shoulders. 

“I’ll think about it,” you told him, “Not making any promises though.” Eric’s smile grew into a grin and he nodded at your words. His smile only made you smile.

“Well I hope you do come,” he last said, starting to pack his stuff up. You looked around and realized everyone else was also doing the same. Eric gave you a wave goodbye and left out the room. You smiled to yourself and began to pack up your stuff. Your teeth sunk into your bottom lip and you shook your head to stop the thoughts that were running through your mind. Your conversations with Eric usually ended in that way. His charm rubbing off on you in a good way. He was always flirting with you and often times wanted to hang out. Though your small banters only stayed behind the classroom and at parties. 

Calum was leaning against the wall next to the door when you left the classroom. He’d never wait on you unless he was in the mood, but as you looked at him quizzically you could tell that wasn’t the case now. You didn’t allow him to say a word only brushing past him at a quick pace. Calum had told you to stay in your place and so that’s what you were going to do. “Don’t ignore me,” Calum said, his voice sounding raspy. His chest was pressed up against your back and for some reason the action made your core throb. Luckily for the both of you the hallway was packed as everyone was leaving the building or traveling to their next class. You kept quiet and waited for him to say something else. “What did Eric want?” Calum questioned, pinching at your hip. 

“He was asking if I was going to the party,” you told Calum. He let out a low chuckle at your words and without turning around you could already see him shaking his head. 

“You’re not going. I’m gonna be there with Ria remember,” he said, “I don’t want you anywhere near her.” You frowned at Calum’s words and let out a huff. Your social life basically didn’t exist anymore because Calum was always going to be at some party or event with his girlfriend. It irked you to the core and you knew your friends were starting to worry.

“I told him I wasn’t going, so cool yourself alright,” you snapped. Calum smirked at the reaction he got from you. His eyes scanning over your backside for a second. His hand reached out to grab your elbow and to make you stop walking. You let out a deep sigh and you turned to look at him. 

“Why don’t we sneak away to our little spot,” Calum suggested, wanting to take your mind off the party. “I can do that thing you wanted,” he smirked. You rolled your eyes and pulled away from his touch. 

“You have to meet Ria in five minutes and I’m hungry, so I think I’ll pass.” With that said you walked from him and headed towards the Dining Hall. As much as you wanted to feel Calum inside of you, you were also pissed off at him. In spite you had decided on going to the party. Just for one night you didn’t want to be Calum’s side chick. You wanted to enjoy yourself and who was he to tell you not to.

     Your friends hooted in happiness as you walked out your room dressed up for the party. “YOU LOOK HOT!” your best friend, Deandra, shouted. “Give me a twirl girl,” she said spinning her finger around. You laughed in delight and turned around to show them the back of your outfit. They cheered even more which only made you laugh harder. It had been a long time since you had gone out with the girls. Calum was the main reason for that. The only person that knew you were a side chick was Deandra. Though she didn’t approve of it you were still her best friend and she wasn’t going to love you any less. 

“Alright, alright let’s go before I completely back out of this idea,” you said, grabbing your phone from off the charger. Everyone began to leave your shared apartment and made their way out to the car. Deandra stayed behind with you and waited till the room was clear before speaking.

“Have fun tonight and please don’t let that ass-hat stop you from having a good time,” she said. You smiled at her words and nodded. The two of you left to catch up with the rest of the group. You were about to break rule number six. As long as you stayed a safe distance away from Calum and his girl you should be fine.

Music was blasting loud in your ears and the smell of alcohol instantly hit you as you entered the frat house. You smiled at the sight in front of you; a crowd of diverse people all having fun, drinking, and dancing. You had missed the party scene it almost felt like you were home and a warm feeling of comfort slid down your spine. You followed your group of friends, weaving through everyone until you made it into the kitchen. One of your friends grabbed a cup from off the counter and picked up a bottle of alcohol. “Ladies let’s toast to commemorate Y/N for finally leaving her damn apartment and joining us once again on a party night!” she said, raising the bottle high in the air. You rolled your eyes at her words and raised your empty cup in the air with everyone else. 

“Well let’s party then!” you shouted, earning cheers from everyone that was in close proximity of your group. You laughed loudly and grabbed the bottle of alcohol from your friend, pouring it in your cup, and mixing it with some soda. Everyone dispersed and you found yourself joining a group of people watching a game of beer pong. You sipped on your drink and turned away from the game to scan over the room. Not too far away you spotted Calum with his own group of friends. His arm was draped around Ria and whispering in her ear about something. He hadn’t noticed you yet which was good. 

“You came!” a familiar voice yelled. You turned around to see Eric. He had changed into a button down shirt and jeans. His light brown hair hidden underneath a snapback just a few strands of it poking out. Your eyes lit up and you embraced him in a hug.

“Yeah I thought why not have some fun ya know,” you said, pulling away from him. “Who did you come with?” you asked, feeling Eric’s hand grab yours and pull you away from the game. 

“I came with a few of the guys. They’re somewhere around probably out back,” Eric said loud enough for you to hear. “What about you?” he asked, pulling you into a corner of the living room.

“I came with my friends too,” you told him, back pressed against the wall as you leaned against it. “It’s been a while since I last came to one of these,” you admitted raising the cup up to your lips. Eric nodded at your words and his arm draped over your shoulder. He pointed over to a crowd of people and brought your attention to it.

“Well one thing you’ve missed is that now there are bets placed on how long some of the guys can stay up on the beer keg,” he explained, “My bets on Cooper over there. So far he’s won by ten minutes.” You laughed at the news and then scrunched your face up. 

“Uh I’m not one for gambling,” you chuckled, looking over to him. Eric nodded at your words and instead pulled you towards the center where everyone was dancing. Eric began to shimmy around in his spot and rocked his hips to the music.

“I know you can dance beautiful, so show me what you got!” he yelled making everyone’s attention land on the two of you. You began to laugh and started to dance to the music. Your favorite song came on and Eric pulled you into him. You turned around and began to grind into him, feeling his hands land on your hips. It had been such a long time since you had let loose and the alcohol running through your veins only elevated your experience. It all seemed to end quickly when you caught Calum’s eye. He was in the middle of kissing Ria, but his eyes were trained on you. Your shook your head and tried to focus on the hot guy you were dancing with. Calum’s stare was making you uncomfortable and you turned around to face Eric. “Are you okay?” he asked, noticing your smile had faded. 

“Yeah. Hey do you want to go somewhere?” you questioned, jutting your thumb over your shoulder towards the exit. You were both swaying to the music now and Eric nodded. You could still feel Calum’s stare and you shifted in your spot. “I’m kinda craving some Mickey D’s fries and I believe I saw one down the street,” you explained, “So I was thinking maybe we could leave the party for a bit and do a quick food run.” Eric looked down at his feet and a small smile embraced his face. 

“That actually sounds like a great idea,” he said, his hand sliding down your arm and interlocking your fingers together. He pulled you towards the door and you both made your way to the McDonald’s that was down the street. It was a bit chilly out as the both of you walked and continued to talk some more. “Can I admit something though?” Eric asked after a while as your laughter died down. You nodded and went quiet as you waited for what he had to say. Instead he held the door open for you and you walked into the fast food restaurant. You were still a bit on edge from Calum’s staring and the fact that Eric hasn’t told you what he wanted only increased it. “Two large fries and two sweet teas,” he said, pulling out his wallet to pay. Once you got your order, you both went to find a seat. 

“So what did you want to admit?” you giggled in a teasing tone, sliding into a booth that was in the back corner. Eric slid in next to you, his arm resting over your shoulder. You began to munch on the salty treat and turned in your spot to give him your undivided attention.

“I’m glad you came tonight because it gives me the opportu-”

“Y/N! Eric!” the familiar voice exclaimed. You let out a groan and looked up to see Calum. Ria was latched onto his arm and his three best friends were behind him. “Didn’t expect to run into the two of you here,” he smirked. You rolled your eyes and Calum pointed at the empty space inside the booth. “Mind if we join you?” he questioned. You could see the look in Calum’s eyes and knew what was happening. He was jealous. The type of jealous that made you question just exactly where the two of you stood in your “relationship.”

rickmorty fic rec list

hey! here it is! that fic rec list i said i was gonna do for 200 followers, and yet here i am…at 473 followers HAHAHAHA just a liiitle late there – seriously tho, thank you all! this is such a chill and supportive community~

just a couple notes on the list: i decided to narrow it down to 30, which made things more difficult than i expected(there’s just soo many good ones, guys!); i didn’t want to include more than two fics from a single writer; i included series, but only if the stories were interconnected; for a couple of the series that didn’t have overall summaries i just used the summary from the first fic in the series, and one fic didn’t have a description at all, so i ended up using the first sentence, since it seemed to fit; these are in completely random order.

some of these are obvious picks (basically classics), but hopefully you’ll find something new or interesting! i absolutely love every one of these! thank you to all the writers for being so amazing, and bringing me so much joy (and tears) with these fics!!

Whiskey And Water by firstbornking

cov·et

1. desire wrongfully, inordinately, or without due regard for the rights of others.
2. yearn to possess or have.

In which Rick and Morty get separated on the Citadel, Rick’s patience is tried and Morty suffers the consequences of his own poor judgement.

Just a Palmful of Elbow Grease by lemonsweet

Morty encounters some difficulties while attempting to smuggle some inter-dimensional contraband for his grandfather.

It occurrs to Rick that Morty is taking an awfully long time in the bathroom.

Honey And Vinegar by firstbornking

ma·nip·u·late

1. handle or control (a tool, mechanism, etc.), typically in a skillful manner.
2. control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously.

In which Rick and Morty take another spin on the cycle of abuse, Rick is shameless and Morty is broken down one ‘I love you’ at a time.

When the Night is Long by Breadalby

Morty has nightmares and coping issues. Rick mocks and subsequently consoles him the only way he knows how.

It Cages a Demon by TripleX_Tyrant

When Rick captures a powerful being from a demonic dimension - a demon with the ability to devour thoughts - Morty’s consciousness is pulled into the demon’s cage. Rick must go in after him before Morty’s consciousness is completely consumed. But this isn’t what the inside of the cage should look like. And if Rick wants to save Morty, he’ll have to survive in a place where paths are unclear and monsters manifest.

Rick knew his own mind was complex. But he wasn’t ready for this.

Frick the Rick by mariachiMushroom

Rick realizes he and Morty are in a fanfic, and the only way to finish the story is to have sex.

Miami Rick and Morty by AndersAndrew and futagogo

That night, they’d narrowly escaped a mob of pissed-off mafiosos that Rick owed money.
Morty laid his head on the old man’s thigh as they drove, enjoying the quiet and the feel of Rick’s delicate fingers through his bleach-blond hair.

“With this much cash, the universe is our oyster, MoOURGHty!” Rick exclaimed.

“I just want to dance.”

Morty’s Are Only A Reflection Of Their Ricks by KallikRose

“This Morty has seen everything… but has yet to feel the warmth of a loving touch.”

Three eye Morty has been through hell. After his parents divorce, Summer running away and Rick dying of a heart attack, Morty takes Ricks portal gun and goes on the run. He becomes a hitman on an alien planet just to get by. But what happens when years later he’s offered a ton of money to kill a Rick that he eventually falls for?

The Citadel of Lost Children by futagogo


The origin story of The One True Morty.
 

Rick and Morty Get Real by JenKristo

Right before leaving for college, Morty confesses that he’s attracted to Rick, and Rick turns him down flat. Only, Rick can’t stop thinking about it. They both look for answers through interdimensional travel, alcohol and experimentation. Plus, with Morty returning home for Thanksgiving break, they’re going to have to face each other.

Slow Dancing on Hot Coals by rickandmortygetschwifty

Rick and Morty have a serious disagreement about the state of their relationship.

Fethishizing the Extraordinary by berlitzschen

In a panel, Justin Roiland said that Beth “fetishizes the extraordinary” and said something else to the effect that Beth wants Morty to be extraordinary like her father, and values it above anything else. This, coupled with wives commonly responding with tolerance and forgiveness when they find out their spouses molested their child, made me think Beth might not actually throw Rick out if she were to discover them.

So here’s a fic about all the fucked up shit that implies, undercutting an otherwise fairly senseless story about Rick and Morty’s relationship.

Death shall have no dominion by too_much_pressure_for_a_username

“You d-don’t have a clue w-what love is, Morty,” Rick tells him. “You’re not c-capable of loving anything b-besides yourself and, and your c-creepy little stuffed animals.”
There’s something about the way Rick says this, something hollow and dead that tells him Rick isn’t lying or trying to get back at him for lashing out. The wild anger has dissipated. And if Rick isn’t saying this because he’s mad at Morty…
…Then he’s saying it because he really believes it.

college morty by dadvans

Morty hasn’t seen Rick in three years. Rick needs Morty’s fingerprints. Rick always needs more than he asks for.

All Yours by a_side_of_sin

From day one, Rick had always been blindingly clear on the nature of their relationship.

Feel You In My Bones by E707

There would have been nothing unusual about the dreams at all, really, if Morty hadn’t woken after each and every one with a fierce and unrelenting erection.

life is sweeter when it’s wrapped in debauchery by gaily-daily

C-622 Morty runs through the wrong portal, and because the universe loves dramatic irony, he ends up in a college dorm room where Rick and Stanford are roommates. Unfortunately (or fortunately??) Rick takes a liking to him.

Morty’s Ricksicion by Dapperstiel and Pretty_Princess_Sheep

Overly intoxicated, Rick comes onto Morty, leaving the two at odds. Unknown to Morty, his decision on how to deal with Rick will drastically alter the future, creating two alternate realities, and two possible endings.

RickMorty TrashPile by trashfreak

Rick gets what he wants. Morty learns to like giving it to him.

a whole world in here by laskofresho

“I’m lonely, Rick,” he mumbled.

“It’s a pretty big, lonely existence out there, Morty.”

Another You by The-Clairvoyant-Rick

Morty shifted nervously, unable to meet the eyes of the man who looked so much like his grandfather, “W-what can I-I-I get for $85?” Morty pulled a wad of crumpled bills from his jeans, trembling from the adrenaline of what he was asking.

A tell-tale grin curved the blue haired man’s lips into a predatory smirk before he leaned down, smoothly pocketing the bills, his breath tickling the shell of Morty’s ear, “48 minutes of whatever the fuck you want.”

The Great Rick-xup by mariachiMushroom

During a routine “resource acquisition” mission, C-136 Rick gets his Morty switched with B-290 Rick’s Morty. The B-290 Rick and Morty just so happen to be in a sexual relationship. Hilarity ensues.

You Know Where To Find Me by The-Clairvoyant-Rick

As much of an asshole as Rick was, as manipulative and cruel and downright hurtful as the man could be, especially to him, Rick wasn’t a rapist, and he never had been. If Morty said stop, if he told Rick to stop touching him and to get off, he knew his grandpa would listen. He knew Rick would walk away from him. And that’s precisely why he’d never say it. No matter how much it hurt, no matter how badly Morty wanted to shove him away and tell Rick to fuck off, he couldn’t. Because if he did, the older man would listen, and that’d be the end.

Sticks and Stones by JenKristo

Evil Morty has experienced a lifetime of suffering under the hands of Ricks. But when he’s assigned to a pure and gentle ‘Doofus’ Rick, he begins to question his purpose in life.

Baby, I’m Yours by sinbiscuit

Morty discovers the power of language. Specifically, one little word.

The Universe’s Lullaby by ferretpaws

It’s the universe’s lullaby and he drowns in it.

Dazed and Rickfused by KousKousx

He had kissed Rick–he just had to fucking kiss him, out of whatever desperation that was suffocating him–and he was afraid things would never be the same.

Fads by KousKousx

Even with the divide, all Rick’s of differing opinions and decrees agreed on one thing: what a Rick did with his Morty was that Rick’s business, and that Rick’s business alone.

The Device by simplescribe

Rick stood swaying slightly in the doorway to Morty’s room, silhouetted by the hallway light behind him, a gaunt looming figure framed by the door. He blinked blearily, colours and shapes fuzzing and blending together, reaching a hand out to steady himself on the doorframe. His heart was thudding in his chest, and he reached instinctively for his flask even though he really didn’t need it. A quick shake revealed it was empty anyway. Of course it was.

Devour by cakeboobs

Rick and Morty AU - Dimension F-212 : Rick is a world-famous chef, owning his own exclusive restaurant and widely known for some of the best food in the galaxy. Morty is a young, talented, prodigy chef, making food that is so delectable it inspires powerful emotions in those who consume it. Rick takes Morty under his wing as his apprentice, and between crazy ingredient-hunting adventures, and long, hot days in the restaurant kitchen, Morty develops a crush on his selfish, chain-smoking, gorgeous chef grandfather.



BONUS(this one isn’t actually a rickmorty fic so it’s not cheating lol):

A little problem by 5bluetriangles

Morty has trouble with waking up in the middle of night needing to pee and not making it to the bathroom. Rick has a plan to help him that Morty was not expecting.

Midoriya and his many parents

Not a Dream Daddy post.

 I’ve mentioned this briefly in Aizawa’s profile, but BnHA is just chock full of father figures. There’s a big emphasis on mentors and fatherhood, more so than in a lot of other manga and anime I follow.
Now, the idea of the ’sensei’ is fairly classic, the old master who teaches the young hero their secret technique and all that. But the young heroes in BnHA, with their high stakes environment, do have a lot of them.

 This is especially true for Midoriya.


 Inko Midoriya

Surely I’m not the only one who thinks it’s super interesting that we have not seen Midoriya’s biological father? Like… he wasn’t even on the couch watching the Sports Festival.

Considering his mother appears to be a house wife in a fairly nice apartment, I think it’s safe to assume that he at least exists. Maybe he’s a salaryman with a lot of overtime, more likely he’s working overseas.
Whatever the case, he’s very much an absent dad. 
Now, absentee parents aren’t that much of a deal in anime. The ‘16-year old living alone in Tokyo’ is a bit of a trope, after all, but here, with the emphasis on several characters parents, it feels like a statement. This is the manga in which we know the entire family set-up of Tsuyu, and the names and appearance of Jirou’s parents. Much as I love Jirou, she’s a side character.
For the main character to have a blank space like that, is a Thing. It means that growing up, Izuku had one parental figure, and that parental figure was his mother.

And give the woman credit: she did amazing.
It is not easy to raise a child practically by yourself. Certainly not a child that is considered an outcast by society. The amount of love Midoriya receives from his mother is heart-warming, their relationship is one of the better ones portrayed in shounen and as a result, Midoriya is a kid with an incredible amount of mental fortitude, capable of handling some pretty devastating circumstances.
His mother has been a supporting pillar in his early childhood, which, remember, was pretty rough on account of all the bullying. As such she has shaped a lot of his personality. She’s equipped him with confidence, with an unshakable belief in himself.
However, she is very much not a hero.

Her love is one of katsudon and hugs and kind words and worried tears. She wants him safe, above all else. She’s never going to teach him hand-to-hand and going by her advice alone will not make him into the hero he desperately wants to be.
Him quite literally leaving the warm nest she made for him to learn how to fight evil people is a big part of him growing up.


 All Might

Maybe that’s why Izuku puts so much of his hopes and dreams on All Might.
Here’s his ultimate hero taking an interest in little old him.
It’s a fairy tale. A manga trope.
And I really believe that he sees an alternate father figure in All Might once he gets closer to him. They have their wax on, wax off moment on the beach, with All Might encouraging him to get stronger. This is the trope. The sensei, mister Miyagi thing where the kid gets prepped to receive the ultimate technique (in the form of a lock of… hair, whatever).
But unlike traditional masters, and unlike his biological father, All Might sticks around. He is a presence in his life. He cares for Midoriya and his continued success in a way that, at this point, no other male figure does.

Dad Might gives Midoriya a whole bunch of very important advice, but it’s good to note that this isn’t a rough or distant sort of male mentorship.
All Might quite literally opens himself up to Midoriya.
He shows him his weaker side. The skeletal side. The broken side.
Because All Might, let’s not forget, is a friggin mess.

I mean, I know he’s going through a lot, but this man is Such a Dork. It’s definitely endearing and it is also one of his best traits as a character. However: as a person, he’s really not very well equipped to be raising a teenager. He lacks, in a way, the stability and level-headedness that comes with the position of a teacher.
He cares too much. About everything. All the time.
And he nurtures that side of Midoriya, when Midoriya already has plenty of that.

He can’t help but admire Midoriya’s selflessness. Can’t help but praise the very foundation upon which his own heroics are based: helping people.
When he saves Todoroki. When he saves Bakugou, All Might is there to tell Midoriya that what he did is all right.

And this is certainly important for Midoriya to hear, but at this point it’s also not the only thing he needs to hear. 


 Aizawa Shouta

Luckily Midoriya also gets a more traditional teacher figure.
It’s interesting to note that, despite being the younger of the two, and despite the fact that he sometimes teaches from an honest to god sleeping bag, Aizawa is a much more stable mentor and general Adulting Adult.
He still cares about his students, but he’s also much more likely to Act as a Teacher.

Because Aizawa immediately picks up on Izuku’s self-mutilation.
He watched the entrance exam, he knows that Izuku’s quirk is, at this point, extremely flawed. That Izuku doesn’t have control over it.
He explains it in a pretty standoffish way, and certainly this early in the show it comes across as cruel, but he’s not wrong.
Izuku is breaking bones every single time he uses his quirk at this point in time. If he does anything with his quirk, he’ll be a casualty.
Him using only a single finger is framed as a feat of intelligence,
but it is also INSANE.
'Oh you only broke one finger, you have nine attacks left’.
That is NOT a good plan. Don’t do that. For fuck’s sake.
I hope we all realize that what Midoriya is doing is Not Healthy.
He is eating away at himself, destroying his own body over and over again.

When Aizawa tells Midoriya to get a grip on his powers he’s not just being an ass. He’s being a responsible adult, a teacher that cares about the general well-being of the students assigned to him.

Manga spoilers under the cut.

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